I find myself on a cliff edge overlooking the Changeling stronghold. I turn my head towards our desert guide. He's a very burly bison male.
"Is this the place?"
"Yes. Any of our young buffs that try to get close to this place for the last three years invariably disappear, never to be seen again. It has turned into a den of monsters." I put the binoculars up to my eyes. A spire of black chitin seems to have risen up from the canyon. I'll admit the architecture is unsettling, but I know enough to see that defensibility was put first in the design philosophy here.
"Return to the expedition. If I don't come back in two days lead them back to Equestrian lands."
"B-but Miss! You surely don't mean to go in there do you? Do I need to repeat the part where nobody ever returned?"
"I have to go in there Strong Horn. I have answers to find." I jump off the cliff to fly over. I can't afford to have anybody second guess me at this point. I've spent three long weeks on the road to figure out exactly which direction the Changelings were flung, and followed them.
I need to know what happened to my wife. Or if anything happened at all.
The inside of this spire is just as creepy and chitinous as the outside unfortunately. And when I went inside there were no guards on the ground floor. Strange. I find out why soon enough, though. I found a dead end. Using my excellent sense of direction I retraced my steps to try another path. Only I found that the path behind me was closing up with some sort of liquid! Looking around to see if I could bypass this somehow, I see that there isn't much of a ceiling for the ground floor. I didn't want to fly before now to avoid any attention, but circumstances have forced my hoof.
Once I fly up I take in the view. There's a central room I can see into past the rows of supporting struts that look far too much like teeth for my liking. I can see a makeshift fighting circle with some changelings gathered around, and two of them fighting. There are some steps leading up just past the ring, but I can't see what's up there from my viewpoint. Then a changeling pops up right in front of me
"What are you doing out here! Queen Degurechaff declared it was combat practice, not shape shifting practice today! Come on before she notices we're gone." I did what was only natural in such a situation.
*An impressive amount of cartoon violence later*
So judging from what I've seen so far, the changelings have horrendous security. Probably comes with having a mutable shape. You can always assume that somebody who looks like she doesn't belong does actually, when everybody is a shape shifter. Doesn't hurt that my wife had a thing or two to say about looking like you belong in any situation.
Er, anyways, I was able to sneak up right behind one of the support pillars in the main chamber without any more embarrassing incidents. It looks like a grand throne room that's been converted into about a dozen fighting circles. And in the center is the throne. On that throne is the changeling that was revealed when Cadenza's and Armor's spell drove them all off. Now that I have a chance to properly look at her I see that she doesn't look nearly as bad as Chrysalis did. She has the general Alicorn like shape without as much scarring and outright holes in her. Her horn is straight and unblemished, her wings and mane are healthy looking and sparkly, and her carapace is much less eaten through than that monster at the wedding. But still. I need to know what happened to my wife.
After the next round ended I jumped down into the central fighting circle. I make a few decent cracks in the floor with my impact. Three adventures later and these horseshoes are still proving their worth. Genius investment!
"Where is my Wife!!" I yell out to my stunned audience. Everybody but the queen is stunned. She has a most devious twinkle in her eye. Here's the moment of truth. What I've been biding my time for. At her most secure in the heart of her stronghold surrounded by all her loyal underlings. Will. She. Monologue.
"Well I have to say this is a most pleasant surprise." She says as green fire engulfs her, transforming into the shape and voice of my wife. "I am your wife." She says. It echoes across the chamber in a way that makes me absolutely certain of her truthfulness. I stare enraptured with hope as she gets up from her throne, walking down towards me. I shake the effect off. Queen Chrysalis used mind control on Shining Armor in the lead up to the wedding. I have to be sure this isn't a trick.
"Prove it!"
"Well we first met-"
"My queen, spare us this waste of time." Chimes in a male changeling near the front. All the other changelings start inching away from him as he gets a truly spectacular glare from my maybe wife. "Let's just put this intruder into a love pod and be done with it." There's a few seconds of silence as everybody takes in this male's temerity. I start to calculate my escape route should the situation turn against me. The hive building having a shifting layout complicates matters, but I have faith in my ability to navigate my way to an exit.
"I take it you're volunteering to take her in?" She asks. "She's already in the combat circle." I look over to her feeling slightly betrayed.
"And you said you were my wife."
"Oh you misunderstand me honey. He just tried to get you put into a jelly pod, asleep and harvested for your love for the rest of your days. I don't expect him to succeed here." She still has the maybe truth spell in her voice. Her expression turns from slightly carefree to downright angry while turning towards the aforementioned male. "I expect you to break his worthless bucking legs for the insult to my wife!" Holy rainbows, that was maybe just a little bit scary. Would my wife ever take this risk? Or react so violently in my defense? I suppose it would be a glowing endorsement of my abilities.
"Well? What are you waiting for?! Get in there!!" As she telekinetically grabs him and drops him in front of me. All the other changelings are simultaneously cowering away from me, and crowding around to get a better look in all three dimensions. I have to say this is the most unique reception I've ever had in any villainous lair I've been in.
For his part he tries edging away before looking back to the violent glare his queen is giving him. Then he immediately lunges for me in a probing attack. I redirect his entire frame into the floor in a judo throw, and then see what he tries next. Only nothing comes next. Only the very out of place clapping of a Changeling Queen.
"Oh, bravo! How efficient honey!"
"Was that it?" I ask as she trots up to my downed opponent.
"Oh yes, a good opening counter against any opponent. Unfortunately for him here, he didn't have any shapeshifted flesh to soften the blow at the time of impact. Exoskeleton cracking into the floor at speed is never particularly healthy for the exoskeleton." She reaches down to him with a glowing hoof. There's a sickening little reverse crackle as she pulls him up. "You! Put him somewhere out of the way to recover. He gets to do it the rest of the way by himself. Let this be a lesson everybody! This is why the invasion would've ultimately failed. Even a half trained mare-"
"Half trained!?" I squacked! She worked my flank off in those training sessions!
"Yes honey, half trained. As a self proclaimed adventure, you never put in as much effort into your training as I feel you should have. Ahem! As I was saying, even a half trained mare would have ruined any soldiers chasing after them! The military conquest of Equestria was always incredibly infeasible with our population disparity!" She turns back to me as the rest of the changelings mutter amongst themselves. She's still wearing my wife's face.
"You still haven't proved that you're my wife."
"Well as I was saying, when we first met, I was taming some Timberwolves in an attempt to live as a part of their pack for a decade or two. You know, to see what the wild life was like." And isn't that an assertion that needs unpacking. Live as a Timberwolf? I mean she is a shapeshifter. She could probably pull it off. But where would she get the love to live off of?
"But then you came along and swept me into your little adventure! Facing off against that guardian beast to make something of yourself. Recovering a lost artifact! And when none of that panned out, you pivoted seamlessly to selling the story of your success! The Moxie! The gumption. The pure unadulterated entrepreneurship. You were perfect! Are perfect." She says with a sensual purr and a nuzzle. Oh my Harmony, in front of all these changelings?!
"You'll recall I proposed less than a week after your excellent adaptation to your plans right? To have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and to love and to cherish?" She finishes the sentence with a kiss to my nose. "What say you and me help bring all these kids into Equestrian society? They've all had such an incredibly terrible role model up until recently. We can show them all what a real loving relationship should look like. We can build a better and brighter future for both of our societies. Working together in Harmony."
"Why didn't you ever tell me about this?! We could have made this work before! We were already an interracial couple!" She frowns.
"Could we have?" My only response to that is an angry stomp and snort.
"I- Well I'm afraid I'll have to show you what I mean. I'm terrible at explaining these things clearly. I'm not a very good orator." What a load of manure.
"Whatever. Do it!"
"Are you sure? I'll be using the memory sharing spell. And these are very unpleasant memories." I look her dead in the eye.
"Do. It." She takes a deep breath and prepares a spell working in her front hooves.
"It all started in between my second and third identities in Equestria. I had just retired from my first Archmage title." First what now? It's at that point she puts her hooves to my head and I start experiencing a boundless childlike wonder. Golden Tuft's wonder. "I had just gotten done with sampling the endless loving bounty of Equestria in the city. I got to see Celestia's vision of interspecies cooperation coming together in a metropolitan melting pot. And things were only getting better as time went on." There was a brief sour note of disgust when the memory went past the church of the Celestial cult, but it was a minor thing.
Then the memory fast forwarded into the countryside, and her enthusiasm for life turned... brittle. "I had decided to try and test out the Harmonic ideal. In the countryside in case things went sour. I came into town as my natural self, holes and all." I saw a vague mishmash of colts and mares running away from her and nervous stall owners trying to refuse her service. Then some faceless guard unicorn tried apprehending her. He got annoyingly persistent about things too. She tried rushing through the memories, but I felt her emotions go all cold and calculating as she contemplated wiping out everypony who saw her in the village, before dismissing the idea as impossible. Only for that stupid unicorn guard to go beyond any reasonable interpretation of his duty, and cause a teleportation misfire that destroyed the entire village anyways. "It did not go as well as I hoped." She drops her hooves from my head.
"Not as well as you hoped?! That was an unmitigated disaster!! And don't think I didn't notice how cruel you've been! My wife- I don't know- My wife never acted like that!" She gives me a wistful smile.
"I do not ever enjoy being heartless Daring. It goes directly against my nature as an emotivore. It is to my great pleasure that I never had the occasion to think as such when I was living with you."
I groan in exasperation. Why couldn't she have just been a megalomaniac? Things would have been so much simpler then. "Why aren't there any pure cinnamon roll changelings out there?"
"That would be survivorship bias, honey."
"Whosa what now?"
"All the nice changelings either couldn't take it when the hunger got too much and started getting violent, or starved to death when nobody would love them."
"Now that's unbelievable. Nopony gets violent just because of a little hunger. Maybe a little cranky."
She widens her eyes and looks around the room. "Hey everybody, who here gets violent when they're hungry?"
"Me""aye""over here""this one" All in a thunderous cacophony of changeling voices all around us.
I narrow my eyes at her. "Prove it."
"Are you sure? It's probably an herbivore thing, having so many options to chow down on almost everywhere you go. True hunger can get kind of" She closes her eyes and breathes in dramatically. When she opens them her eyes are glowing changeling green. "Intense."
"Hit me." She starts up the same spell as before.
"If you insist." She puts her hooves to my head and instantly it's so much worse than I ever could have imagined. Its like some clawed beast is twisting up my insides, welling up the desperation inside me, driving me to seek out my next meal. Sweet Celestia this is horrible!
"This is the hunger that any purely physical being can feel. From the lowliest vole, to the mightiest dragon. And this" how did it just get worse!? It's like a hole in my heart just appeared, filling me with abject hopelessness, unfulfilled yearning, and lethargy. Almost without my input my body breaks contact with her, turns around, and bucks as hard as I possibly can. The whole hive turns deathly quiet at that. As I look around all the changelings are feeling a whole lot less friendly. And I'm feeling a whole lot less safe.
"That was what changeling hunger feels like." Continues Golden Tuft, rubbing her snout, but seemingly no worse for wear. "It is the utter certainty that nobody in this world loves you for who you are. That nobody has enough compassion or decency to throw you a scrap of bread as you starve in front of them. What too many changelings experienced under Chrysalis before I came along. Now what exactly would you do to never experience such a sensation again? Because I know that answer includes at least a very ornery buck to the face."
I stand there paralyzed for a moment as I ponder my answer. I lift my hoof up in preparation... Only to suddenly take flight. Uh uh, nope! Don't know where I'm going, only that it's away from this stupid scary hive. I hear the entire hive start to buzz in pursuit. Oh joy, this is going to be one of those getaways.
"Let her go!" Or at least it would have been if they weren't called off. I thank my lucky stars that the queen isn't interested in any kind of revenge. I make it half way to the expedition camp before I land.
"AAAUUUGGHH!!!" What have I done!! She's trying to integrate the Changelings! She wholeheartedly believes in Celestia's ideals! I ran away from her because of something I asked for! Because I was scared, just like those villagers. I used physical violence against her.
I'm a terrible wife.