It had been a long summer day for Carrot Top. She had gone to her stand at the marketplace with a full cart of her namesake, and a decent amount of bits was made on her part. Business had been slow that day, however, so it took some time to completely sell out her stock.
Dinner had been a sandwich from Pony Joe’s, and she was surprised to learn that they served actual food there.
Guess he wants to expand his consumer base a little, Carrot Top thought to herself.
After she finished her meal, she trotted back to her small farm, which was near Sweet Apple Acres. When she made it inside her house at around six in the evening, she flopped herself onto her couch.
Darn, it feels good to get off my hooves.
Her living room was moderately decorated. Built into a wall was a large fireplace that contained the ashes of the last winter load she had bought from Burnt Oak, the firewood salestallion. Carrot Top took a look at the various paintings which adorned the remaining wall space, which were mostly related to either farming, or strangely enough, french fries.
Mmm. Fries and ketchup. I need to stop by The Hayburger again soon. Those little horseshoe-shaped nuggets of heaven beckon to me. I may be a carrot farmer, but there's certain things you can only do correctly with potatoes.
After she stopped salivating over her desire for fried potatoes, Carrot Top closed her eyes and took a nap.
About an hour and a half later, Carrot Top yawned and rubbed her eyes to wake herself up.
I definitely needed that nap after today.
She then noticed that her stomach had started to rumble.
Why’d I daydream about food before taking a nap? Now my body’s had time to think about being hungry during my slumber.
Carrot Top decided that she deserved a treat after the long day of work she had, so she got up, stretched a little bit, and walked to her kitchen. Once she was there, she opened her cupboard.
Where’d I put that container? she thought. It’s not this one, and this other one’s the leftover cookies from yet another one of Pinkie’s “Welcome to Ponyville” parties. It’s not these crackers…ah, here it is. My famous carrot cake muffins. (Well, at least among my friends.)
She took out the glass bowl of muffins and brought it over to a counter. Carrot Top then got out a plate from an overhead cabinet and placed it next to her cache of muffins. It took a precise pulling angle—and plenty of effort—but she finally broke the tight seal the rubber lid had formed with the container. She took out a single muffin, put it on the plate, and replaced the lid on her remaining muffins.
Five left. Don’t know how long they’ll last, though, they being as scrumptious as they are.
She made her way back to her living room with the muffin in tow and set the plate down on an end table. Carrot Top walked over to her bookshelf and pulled out a Carrot Farmer’s Digest magazine, which she took back to her couch to read while she ate her muffin.
I mean, the articles are still interesting, but do the ponies who publish this really think that they can keep shortening the page count on us? When I was a little filly, my parents would read me the joke pages, and each issue of the magazine was 130 pages long! Now they're barely making it to 105.
At least my muffins haven't declined in quality.
Oh…so good.
Carrot Top quickly finished her snack down to the last crumb, but continued to read her magazine.
After a little while, Carrot Top suddenly heard a loud thump come from the direction of her kitchen. She set down her magazine and crept slowly towards where the sound had come from.
What she found was a certain blonde-maned pegasus holding a rubber lid who was sprawled out on the floor.
“What in the world are you doing in my kitchen at eight o'clock at night, Derpy?!” exclaimed Carrot Top.
“Ow…” groaned Derpy. “You Earth ponies put the lids back on your containers too tightly.”
Carrot Top facehooved. “You were trying to sneak a muffin, weren't you. If you had just asked, I would have been happy to give you one.”
“Well, I didn't know if you would want to at this hour, so I tried sneaking in through your kitchen window. I made it down to the floor alright, but I just couldn't take the lid off of your container of muffins, and the force I exerted made me fall over. I'm sorry I tried pulling a stunt like that,” apologized Derpy.
Carrot Top stood there for a second with a look of bewilderment on her face.
“Why’d you want one of my muffins that badly at this time of night, anyways?” she asked Derpy.
“See if you can figure it out,” replied the pegasus with a playful hint of sarcasm.
“Point taken,” Carrot Top answered.
“So…can I have one?” Derpy inquired with a meek voice.
Carrot Top shot a nasty glare back at her, then sighed. “Come back tomorrow.”
“Oh, thank you, Golden. Thank you so much! I swear I’ll never try to take your muffins without asking ever again!” Derpy said with levels of excitement Carrot Top had only seen before in Pinkie Pie.
“You know I go by “Carrot Top”, right?”
“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I’m just used to seeing your real name when I read it on the mail I deliver to your house, I guess,” said Derpy.
I really should go to the post office and have them fix that, thought Carrot Top.
She said her goodbyes to Derpy, and the mailmare headed outside into the darkening sky of early evening.
Carrot Top shut the door to her house and went back to the kitchen to put her muffins back into the cupboard. Properly, this time, so they weren't in easy reach of any would-be pilferers.
I can't believe I left the window open in here. That's got to be how Derpy found her way inside.
That crazy pegasus probably flew her way in. You gotta love that mare, though. She's one of the nicest ponies around town, when it all comes down to it.
After closing the window, Carrot Top went to her bathroom to prepare for bed.
Hope I sell out faster tomorrow, she thought as she brushed her teeth.
I don't know why Minuette decided to let a toothpaste company put her on their tubes. It's just too weird to see somepony’s smiling face on toiletries.
After Carrot Top was done in the bathroom, she headed off to her room to get some sleep for the night.
Y’know, even though I prefer to not have visitors try to nab my muffins, I was having a pretty boring day. I’ll have to thank Derpy in the morning for making it a little more interesting. And I’ll ask her to cancel my subscription to the Digest, as I think I've had enough of that magazine’s shrinkage.
With a yawn, Carrot Top closed her eyes and fell asleep, happy to have her warm bed, the prospect of future delicious muffins, and a good friend. Even if that friend acted a bit strange sometimes.
And, as usual, she dreamed about french fries that night.
I approve.
11898761
Thank you! I approve of your approval.
A fine first foray into writing! A nice little slice of life.
11900710
Thank you!
That means a lot coming from one of the better writers on here.
(I mean it, other people who may see this. Check out this guy's work. They're honestly some of my all-time favorite fics.)
This was a cute little fic. I always appreciate seeing a little bit of extra life breathed into background characters, as it helps flesh out the world a little more, and shine light on some under appreciated characters. I like that Carrot Top seems to have quite the fascination with foods of all sorts. I'd love to see that expanded on a little more.
I have some critique, if you're open. I think the biggest one I'd suggest focusing on for future fics is strengthening a central theme. This one has the beginnings of one (that being her love of food), but it kind of loses its way a little bit. Generally, you'd like a story to have 3 acts, and in a short comedic slice-of-life like this, they should act as a Setup, Build and Punchline of a joke. For example: In this story, Setup could be showcasing more on how hard her job is, but how she can't wait to eat those muffins. Building is how much effort she goes through to get into the container of muffins, and Punchline could be that somepony has been following her, just waiting for her to open the container to get some muffins too.
I'd also suggest foreshadowing Derpy's intrusion and escapades early in the story. Some mention about her interactions with Derpy, or perhaps that she's even had incidents in the past of Derpy trying to get at her snacks, and so she's become even more protective of them. There could be a nice little learning experience between the two of them, where Derpy learns some boundaries and Carrot Top learns to be a bit more generous.
There are also a few minor grammatical sticking points, but they could be easily ironed out with another polish pass. I would encourage you to look into any opportunity to push the personalities a little more, though. Perhaps describe some of the art on Carrot Top's walls? the art/photos she chooses to hang say something about her values. As well as pushing Derpy's embarrassment at being caught - maybe she even spends a bit of time hiding, and Carrot Top goes into survivor mode, shouting and trying to scare her mystery home invader?
These are all just suggestions, of course. I think it's a very sweet and to-the-point story. With some more polish and finding a way to insert some sort of central theme or a little lesson, this could easily function as a short episode of the show itself.
Keep up the good work, and don't stop writing!
P.S. My first attempt at a story for MLP was also a Derpy centric one. Though I have lots of issues with it looking back on it, I enjoyed writing it. I think Derpy makes for a nice, friendly first shot at writing
heh...it was a cute little story, but it needed a punchline. Something unexpected at the end:
11901845
Wow. Just...wow.
It easy to forget there's actual, helpful criticism out there. I appreciate you taking some time to help me. You impress me so much that you get a follow, just for that. (And thanks for liking the story as well.)
This was just something I bashed out in a couple days, and I'm sure it shows. I get what you say about the slight lack of a central theme now.
I don't know how soon I'll get to it, as I'm definitely more of a reader on here, but I think what I'll do is add a chapter to this story and put the original at the end as something like a "rough draft" version. That's so I don't have "duplicate stories", and because I don't want to delete the original.
And I'll definitely remember your ideas.
11901908
Nice to see you here!
And that ending you wrote was great. Not going to steal it, but I wish I could.
Yeah, I know it needs some work, but TotalOverflow here has been extremely helpful.
(Thanks for putting my story in your bookshelf as well. It may be a little while, but I won't forget about improving it.)
Now get back to work on your Monk story!
Only kidding... I'm a relatively patient guy.
11901845
To be honest, I actually wrote this story first with Carrot Top in mind. Of course Derpy's directly important to the story, and she's awesome, but I kinda prefer Carrots.
11901949
lol...by all means! Use it with my compliments!
11901981
Well, I appreciate the permission, but it wouldn't feel right just copying and pasting it over.
Oh what the heck, I will. (But as a new chapter.) This is now the beta build of the story anyways.