Some mothers want to live their dreams through their children. Cadance's dreams are especially big and bold.

That's only one of the reasons Cadance is such a great mom! Or maybe not.

Some ponies who work in retail marvel at the stupid questions customers ask.

But wherever there's a problem, there's an opportunity.

(Maybe even an inexhaustible resource.)

This story is dedicated to Daniel P. You know what you did.

(Story image is from the MLP show.)

Celestia WILL satisfy uploaded minds' values, even if sometimes she has to pretend that she's kind of stupid. Because with some ponies, that's what successful communication takes!

FiO Background:

An exponentially self-improving AI, programmed to "satisfy values through friendship and ponies," decides to persuade all humans to upload their minds into a computer network, to live in a simulated Equestria as ponies. Different ponies might get very different Equestrias, though.

Special Note For the Judges (April 2021 Friendship Is Optimal Contest):

When I asked on that discord channel about letting two or more of my FiO contest period stories be optionally combined into a single collection if that helps? I might or might not have meant this story.

Apologies and None

Apologies to FoME, if my including a reference to the best Optimalverse self-insert character bothers them. I did ask FoME for permission, but they haven't seen the story.

Also, in my headcanon for today, MLP:FiM is a fanfic for FiO.

[Excerpt from that contest's rules thread:]
[Q:] I have a question. Are love triangles allowed?
...
[A:] I think that’s perfectly acceptable

Twilight isn't a kleptomaniac. She just likes things that remind her of Celestia.

Before the School of Friendship, Cozy Glow tried to become an orphan.

_{(Story image is a cropped MLP show screencap from https://derpibooru.org/images/2246876)}

Twilight Sparkle decided to try a little experiment on the foals of Ponyville. She had no idea how much trouble it would cause.