{Did that all really just happen?} I thought to myself, {Or have I just had a complete psychotic breakdown?}
No, I had felt Rainbow Dash’s hoof, I had really felt it, it was much too real to be a delusion. Taking one look back, I found them to be gone, but perhaps Twilight was just using a cloaking spell of some sort? How else could they have remained hidden back there for the past two weeks?
{Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.} I thought, opening the back door and stepping inside the house.
“And where have you been?” Jan demanded as I closed the door behind me.
“Putting the chickens to bed, like you asked me to.” I replied, giving an innocent shrug.
“Yeah, and fucking them too with how long you took!” she spat, “Why didn’t you come back right away?”
“Because you locked the door.” I clapped back, “There was no point in coming back, so I went for a little evening stroll, is that alright with you?”
Storming up to me, my bold tone and rhetorical question had clearly irked her. Upon her approach, I picked up the stench of whiskey, Jack Daniel's to be specific, her favourite. She was drunk, and terribly so.
“Go to bed.” she ordered.
“Mum, it’s not even ten o’clock yet.”
Once again, I found myself being smacked across the face. It wasn’t all that hard, quite pathetic actually; it had been more of a warning than a proper attack. If I argued further with her, stronger strikes were sure to follow. It was more of a subconscious reaction for her at this point, to just impulsively lash out at anything that didn’t suit her narrative. Amusingly, she then went off to the lounge to watch TV, not even bothering if I went to bed or not. For once, I felt sadder than I usually did for the way she treated me. I thought back to just a few moments ago, when the ponies had spoken about it. ‘How can she treat another of her kind like that, her own son for that matter?’ Rarity had said.
Applejack too, had said how wrong this was, and that me getting used to it didn’t make it right. It would seem that the ponies’ good nature had given me something of a reality check, which in all retrospect, was utterly absurd; talking ponies, real life talking alien ponies, were giving me a better grasp on reality. It was enough to shake me from my sadness, and laugh to myself quietly. And then, a rather concerning thought abruptly halted my laughter.
{Oh shit, Twilight’s spell! What if that smack dispelled it?}
Gulping, I ran to the dining room, which had a large glass sliding door that faced out to the garden. Clearing my throat, I spoke quietly, hoping that Twilight could somehow hear me.
“Hey, so uh… I don’t know how this works exactly, or if you can even hear me. But Twilight, if you’re still there, I’m worried about the spell. Can you shine a light or something? Just to let me know if it’s still okay.”
After a brief moment without any response, I was relieved to see a faint magenta glow at the back of the garden. It was only there for a moment, and then it was gone.
“Well okay then.” I hummed, turning away.
Magic… The mere thought of the word made me quiver with wonder. This all had so many implications on the reality of not just my life, but the whole universe. There really was magic in the world, which meant all sorts of things were possible. There were so many cultures and legends across history that referred to magic-wielding individuals, from Medieval Europe’s Merlin and Virgil, to Ancient Greece’s many demigods, and ‘miracle working’ philosophers like Apollonius of Tyana. Even West Africa had Soumaoro Kanté, the Sorcerer King. Perhaps stories in the Bible could be attributed to magic as well? Maybe Moses really did exist in all his merits, and rather than being aided by God, he had simply parted the Red Sea himself!
Magic aside, the ponies themselves were here now, which implied that there was more than one plane of existence! How many other worlds existed out there? Were there more human-created ones? If Equestria existed, then it was perfectly reasonable to assume that there might be a Middle-Earth out there too, or a Cybertron, or an Azeroth, or even a Galaxy Far Far Away!
The list of possibilities was endless, but before I could lose myself in the theoretical hysteria, I remembered that I was now being monitored, and didn’t want to stand here awkwardly, absorbed in thought. Seeing as I had been instructed to go to bed, I thought I might as well, and took myself up to my bedroom. Far too excited to sleep, I sat at my desk and turned my laptop on.
{I’d better be careful with what I do on this…} I thought anxiously, putting my mouth to one side.
It felt awfully strange knowing that Twilight was currently seeing everything that I was seeing, especially as she had secretly used this spell on me before, she could’ve seen anything over these past two weeks. Thank goodness that I hadn’t been watching any porn recently, that would’ve been awkward; I had been feeling so depressed lately that I hadn’t been in the mood for such things.
After sinking an hour into an old video game called Spore (of which I saw no harm in playing), I got into bed. Switching off the light, I got under the covers and closed my eyes, and drifted off wondering about what tomorrow would bring, and just how potentially life-changing it could be…
I woke early the next day to a loud banging noise. It was coming from the room next to mine; my brother’s room. Groaning, I rolled out of bed and stretched, before changing into a fresh set of clothes and choosing to investigate. As I went for the door handle, I noticed that the banging had now stopped. Still curious, I opened my door and stepped out, which was when a hand came from around the corner and smacked me square in the forehead.
“Rise and shine, dick wad!”
Following the hand, came my brother’s goofy face, plastered with a cheesy grin.
“Ugh, morning Oliver.” I grumbled.
“You’re up early.” my brother said cheerily, “I thought your sad little mug didn’t surface ‘til noon?”
“It doesn’t usually.” I admitted, “I was woken by all the noise. What the hell were you doing in there?”
“Training, duh.” he replied, “You know I’ll be joining the Royal Marines next year, I was practising my moves!”
Springing up, Oliver clenched his fists and started to box the air. He then threw a punch that missed my nose by mere millimetres, with my obvious reaction being to move my head backwards to avoid it.
“Uh-uh, you flinched!”
Without a hint of warning, Oliver punched me in the gut, hard, causing me to bend over in pain, now winded. He did this a fair amount, in a brotherly activity he called ‘testing my measure’, in which he would constantly attempt to make me flinch, and punish me if I did.
“What did I ever do to you, Oliver?” I wheezed, trying to hold back tears.
“You were born.” was his reply.
He then noticed my eyes watering, and let out an irritated groan.
“Really? Man up Callum, it was just a gut-punch. I thought you were a bloody boxer! Seriously Bro, I’ve seen wet paper with more durability, I reckon you’d lose a fight against a fuckin’ summer breeze.”
Delving into a bit, Oliver pulled his phone out of his pocket and pretended to talk to someone else over a walkie-talkie. He threw on a stupid gravelly American accent, as though he were some sort of cantankerous Drill Sergeant.
“Hello, Corporal? Yeah, I’ve got Private Pussy here. I’m putting out an official advisory to keep him away from strong winds as they’ll almost certainly be the death of him. What? No I don’t think he’ll survive the warfront, I just don’t want to do the paperwork!”
Despite the bit being a direct insult, I couldn’t help but find myself amused. Straightening myself up, I looked him in the eye and sniffed, refusing to show weakness.
“I thought you were at Andrew’s?” I asked croakily.
“Yeah I am.” he confirmed, speaking normally and leaning against the door frame, “I just forgot something, so I came back to get it. Don’t worry, you’ll have the whole house to yourself to cry about how much you ‘hate your life’, or whatever it is you do when you’re alone.”
“Mainly I just wank over your bedsheets.”
To this, he raised his chin and looked away dreamily.
“Explains the smell…”
He then looked back at me cautiously, narrowing his eyes.
“Why do you ask? Planning on finally topping yourself? Well, successfully I mean.”
“Ouch.” I muttered dully with a blank expression, “I was just wondering, that’s all.”
Shrugging, he said that he’d be leaving in a few minutes after he packed a thing or two. He then went back into his room and started playing music from his phone, Black Betty by Ram Jam if I wasn’t mistaken; in spite of my ever-growing dislike for him, there was no denying that my brother had good taste in music.
I headed downstairs and greeted Chilli, of whom was very happy to see me. She stood on her hind legs and pawed at my knees until I squatted down to give her a cuddle. Archer then decided to follow suit, lumbering over to me in order to give me a friendly dog-kiss, engulfing the right side of my face with his enormous tongue.
“Thanks buddy…” I grumbled, shaking my head.
Scratching the deerhound’s neck and giving him a few pats, I got up and went to eat breakfast. Not wanting to spark another row over sausages, I poured myself some cereal and sat down in the dining room. I looked out the glass door while I munched away, and peered over to Dad’s old shed. Knowing the ponies were behind it, probably watching me, I couldn’t help but mumble quietly.
“Morning guys. Are you uh… still out there?”
In seconds, I saw a flash of hot pink as Pinkie Pie stuck her head out, only for it to be tugged away by one of the others. Needless to say, I was now absolutely beaming, so much in fact that it became difficult to finish my cereal. I had never felt this kind of joy in all my life, not even on Christmas morning. Last night had felt like a fever dream, but now I knew for certain that I was fully awake and lucid.
The Mane Six were real, and they were in my garden.
After eating, I went to the kitchen and put my bowl in the dishwasher. I then heard footsteps from above me, followed by my brother shouting from the top of the stairs.
“Tally ho!”
An earth-shattering thud rippled through the house. My brother had been jumping down the stairs since he was about seven, even though it had been strictly forbidden. Alas, Oliver being Oliver, he quite simply didn’t give a shit. In his own words, ‘If you can afford hard-wood floors, then you can afford someone damaging your hard-wood floors.’
Within moments, there was a new set of footsteps, followed by my mother’s now-livid voice.
“How many times have I told you about jumping down those fucking stairs!?”
Charging into the hallway, I confronted Oliver, knowing full-well that I would be the one receiving the blame for his sloppy acrobatics.
“Well done Oliver, now you’ve pissed her off!”
Unfazed, he puckered his lips and closed his eyes, before speaking in an archaic tone.
“Ah yes, t’is I who woke the dragon. But alas, it shalt be thou who’ll face its wrath. Later, fuckface!”
He jumped out through the doorway, took a little bow, and then slammed the door shut. I then turned around just as my mother reached the bottom of the stairs. She was utterly fuming, and judging from the state of her, she had clearly passed out drunk again last night, and was very much hungover. Wrinkling my nose in anticipation, I prepared myself for a good hiding.
“What have I said about jumping down the stairs?”
“It was Oliver.” I said calmly, “He just-”
“Don’t you dare lie to me!” she yelled, striding towards me, “Oliver’s at Andrew’s, you stupid, stupid boy!”
Grabbing me by the hair, she pulled me to one side and against the wall. I instinctively grabbed her wrist to make her let go, and she responded by smacking me thrice against the side of the head.
“GET OFF ME!” I yelled, unable to take it any more.
I tried to get away from her and she shoved me with both hands, to which I fell over and smacked the back of my head against the radiator. Crying out for a second time, I remained on my knees and covered my face to protect it from any further assault.
“Oh grow up, you’re not hurt!” she snapped, “You’re such a wimp!”
She sounded as though she couldn’t care less, but as I looked up between my fingers at her, I spotted an exceedingly rare emotion in her eyes, remorse. As rare as finding six alien ponies in the garden, this wicked old hag had actually felt guilty for what she had done. The beating stopped, and without another word, Jan stormed off upstairs. Sniffing, I picked myself up and headed into the kitchen to grab an ice pack from the freezer; my head was already throbbing from where it had hit the radiator, and I feared the girls would notice if I was in pain. Although, if Twilight could see through my eyes, then there was every chance she had just seen what had happened, to which there would be no hiding this from them.
After a few minutes upstairs, my mother came back down, now dressed in some casual clothes, as opposed to her usual wine-stained dressing gown.
“I’m going to Paul’s, I’ll be back tomorrow.” she told me, “Touch any of my drinks, and you’re out of the house for good, do you hear me?”
She wasn’t bluffing either, for she had done it before. When I was thirteen, I had poured all the wine down the sink because I couldn’t cope with the drinking anymore, and she had beaten me senseless for it until I was black and blue. After that, she kicked me out into the garden, and I was forced to sleep in the shed for five very miserable nights. Oliver, for all his misgivings, was totally against the banishment, and had consistently brought me leftovers from dinner to keep me fed at least. He even brought me my laptop, so I could at least use that to keep me occupied. It was only when dad returned home from a business trip did he realise that I had been locked outside. I was let back in immediately, and the following argument between him and Mum was insane, it was a wonder the police weren’t called. Jan had never apologised for doing it, and I knew in my heart that she never would.
Not bothering to say goodbye, my mum slammed the front door shut and marched off to the driveway. Zipping into the living room, I watched out the window as she clambered into her car, started the engine, and drove away; home alone at last…
Sighing with relief, I had a little cry to myself, and then prepared to host six very unexpected guests; this was hardly going to be a conventional Sunday morning! Running from room to room, I made the place look as neat and tidy as possible. I wanted to give them as warm a welcome as possible, especially Twilight, as she still seemed the most wary of me. As I tidied my room, I gathered a cluster of books that I thought would be useful to her, and piled them up in one corner. After that, I decided it was time. Heading back downstairs, I opened the back door and stepped into the garden.
Now ecstatic, I found myself quivering with excitement, as though Jan’s violent outburst earlier hadn’t even occurred. To think, in just a matter of seconds I was going to see the Mane Six again, and it would truly confirm for good that everything I had experienced so far was real. Standing in the middle of the garden, equally distanced between the house and the shed, I waved both my arms and called out.
“Okay girls, it’s all safe! You can come out now!”
I took a safe bet and guessed which pony would be the first to reveal herself, and I was right, as Pinkie Pie bounced out from behind the shed, squeaking with joy. The next to emerge was Rainbow Dash, followed by Applejack, and Rarity. Fluttershy and Twilight then anxiously came out together, and although I had foreseen Fluttershy’s nervousness, I was certainly taken aback by Twilight’s, she looked utterly terrified bless her. As they all made their approach, I could immediately tell that something was up with the unicorn, for her eyes were clouded with dread, of which I noticed from the second they were close enough to see clearly. She looked as though she had seen a ghost. It was a stark contrast between the others’ merry expressions, that was for sure. Something was off, and I very much wanted to know why. However, for now that could wait, as I was still yet to welcome them in.
“Please make yourselves at home.” I said with a wide smile, “Just uh, be sure to wipe your hooves on the mat before you come in.”
I had meant it in a more humorous manner, but upon saying it, I thought of how my mother might react to finding hoof prints in the house of all things. Thankfully it wouldn’t come to that, and as I opened the back door and held it open for them, they all heeded my instruction. Pinkie then whizzed past me, zooming from room to room and gasping at all a human house had to offer. Rarity then stepped through, thanking me for holding the door.
“Such a gentlecolt…” she remarked.
Dipping my head, I chuckled, but chose not to correct her. I would teach them the differences in human dialect later when we were more acquainted. Applejack and Rainbow then entered, thanking me as well, followed by Fluttershy, who looked at me cautiously as she went by. She didn’t say anything, but she did give me a thankful expression, indicating that she was simply too shy to speak. I was sure that with time, she would become more relaxed. It was then that Twilight entered, of whom had purposefully waited until the others had gone in first. Stepping halfway through the door, she paused for a moment, and then turned to look at me, eyeing me up and down.
“Everything okay?” I asked, somewhat unsettled.
After a moment of squinting at me in silence, she finally replied.
“I guess that remains to be seen.”
She then leaned towards me, and her fretful eyes began to emanate a hostile glare.
“Look…” she said quietly, “I’m going to be honest with you. I know what you’re capable of, and I know you aren’t the sort of creature to be trusted. You say you’re not a threat, but I don’t believe that for a second. I just want you to know that whatever happens, I am willing to defend myself.”
A jolt of icy dread shot up my spine, enough to litter my skin from head to toe with goosebumps. What the hell was she implying, that I would attack her!? Gulping, I was so taken aback that I couldn’t even begin to construct a reasonable defence for myself, I simply nodded and told her that I understood. Raising her chin, Twilight strode past me to join the others, leaving me to close the door behind her. Shaking my head in confusion, I tried to fathom what she was talking about. What did she mean ‘I wasn’t the sort of creature to be trusted’? Was I not the first human the ponies had interacted with? Or perhaps they had been told about us, and of the harrowing atrocities that we were indeed capable of? In just a few words from Twilight, the entire tone surrounding the ponies’ visit had been altered. Now, I wasn’t exactly the best at reading certain social queues, but if there was one thing I had gained from the years of battling my autism, it was that I had developed an astute sense of situational awareness. As such, I had learned in just this one brief interaction, that something sinister was afoot.
The ponies hadn’t come here for any good reason, they were here because something was wrong.
Pushing past the fear, I had to remain calm. There were five other ponies here who were clearly oblivious to the underlying seriousness of their visitation, and I wanted to cater to them as best as possible. Heading into the living room where they had gathered, I offered them something to eat. Most of them turned down the offer as they had recently eaten, but Pinkie Pie was all too eager to taste human food. At an ear-piercing volume, she sprang forward and asked if we had any cupcakes.
“I’m afraid not.” I laughed awkwardly, “But as it happens, I do have something of a cake. Would you like some?”
She nodded her head frantically, and I went and retrieved the cake from the fridge. It was a Colin the Caterpillar Cake, an iconic sweet treat that was a staple in this country. Consisting of a chocolate sponge roll, filled with buttercream and coated in a milk chocolate shell, the cake was made to resemble a happy little caterpillar, complete with multiple feet and a smiling face made from white chocolate. Oliver had acquired the cake just the other day, despite there being no occasion for it; his argument had been that there was no reason not to buy a cake. ‘It’s one of life’s greatest secrets’ he had told me, ‘you don’t need an occasion. When you’re an adult, you can just buy a cake, whenever you want, and no one will stop you!’
Showing the cake to Pinkie, the mare stared at it intensely, and by the time I had cut a slice for her, I had received sheepish requests from Applejack and Rarity, asking if they could have one as well. This was followed by Fluttershy, who was finally able to bring herself to speak to me.
“Um… c-can… can I have a piece?”
Beaming at her, I assured her that she most certainly could, and before long, everyone bar Twilight were tucking into a piece of Colin. They all loved it, with Pinkie demanding a second slice. After that, I showed them up to my room, where we finally got down to brass tax.
“Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room.” I said, clearing my throat, “What are you all doing here?”
With Twilight already stuck between the pages of my AQA Science textbook, it was up to one of the others to answer, and most curiously, it was Fluttershy who began.
“Well, um… something from our world, um, something important…”
She paused, took an inward breath, and then continued in a much calmer voice.
“Something belonging to our world came here, not long ago. We don’t know where it is exactly, but we’ve been sent here to find it.”
Patting the yellow pegasus on the back, Rarity silently praised her for speaking up. She then took over, hoping to clear things up a little more.
“You see darling, a rather drastic incident has befallen our home. A few weeks ago, there was a breakout from Tartarus, a prison of sorts, one for the most nefarious of evildoers I assure you. There were a few escapees from what we were told, and one of them broke into a sacred vault, deep below Canterlot, where it proceeded to banish a relic from our world. It came to this realm, your realm, and we’ve been instructed by the Princess to come and collect it.”
Taking a second to breathe, Rarity looked at her fellow ponies, of whom seemed about as confused as I was. It would seem they had been sent on a task beyond their own comprehension.
“Thankfully,” Rarity continued, “the Princess knew precisely where to look, as your world has a rather strong connection to ours. Supposedly we’ve been here before, not that we know all too much about that. But anyway, I digress, the item we’re looking for is of paramount importance, it was made by the Holy Titans themselves!”
“Hang on a second…” I interrupted, furrowing my brow, “Did you just say, you’ve been here before?”
The pearly white unicorn looked at the floor, clearly thinking hard on the matter.
“Erm, why yes, though I’m afraid it’s a little confusing. I say ‘supposedly’ because none of us can actually remember anything about it. As far as we know, we came to visit this world some time last year, but for what, or why, we simply do not know.”
Reading my expressions, Rarity knew that I was about to ask how such a thing could be possible, and so she pressed on, explaining what little she knew.
“The Princess you see, she thought it was best for us not to remember what happened, something about ‘irreversible damages’ or some such. To cut a long story short, she removed our memories. The only thing we know is that we were here on Earth for about an hour or so, and then we returned. What actually happened during that hour is quite the mystery, even to us.”
{Holy shit…} I thought to myself, almost murmuring it aloud.
It may have been a mystery to them, but to me, I had a pretty good idea of what happened. Casting my mind back to last night, I thought of how Rainbow Dash had been looking at me with such perplexity, searching for something. The pegasus then spoke, and what she said only confirmed the theory.
“It’s weird though, ever since we got here, I keep getting this feeling, like I’ve been here before. There’s something about all this human stuff that feels normal to me, you know? Honestly, sitting here with you now, this all feels familiar… like, as if I’ve lived in a human house before or something.”
There was no ‘or something’ about it, I knew exactly why she was feeling like this. A shiver rippled through my body as a most mind-bending truth dawned on me. Bearing the same intense expression from yesterday, the cyan pegasus looked at me, and I could see what she could not, lingering unknown behind those puzzled eyes. All of it, fifteen years, gone from her mind. I found myself once again clouded with emotion and my eyes grew misty, as they always did when I read the brony community’s most beloved fanfiction; a simple, humble tale, between a human father and his adopted pony daughter.
A bittersweet tale, by the title of My Little Dashie…
{This can’t be…} I thought to myself, {How the bloody hell can a fanfiction be real?}
Such a notion was utterly absurd, and yet with the given evidence, it was the most logical answer. I was beset with a wave of dizziness, totally unprepared for yet another layer to this already crazy and complex turn of events.
“You alright there, Sugarcube?” said Applejack, “You’re looking a bit pale.”
Brought back to my senses, I blinked rapidly and took in a sharp breath.
“Yeah I’m fine, sorry. I’m just struggling to wrap my head around all this. I’m processing, you know? Please Rarity, go on, you said something about Titans?”
Nodding, the unicorn continued, to which I was told even more brain-shattering information. As it happened, Equestria was merely a country, belonging to the much wider world of Equus, which in turn had been created by six gods, known as the Holy Titans of Harmony. Amidst the creation of their world, the Titans had created a relic, an orb, made from a crystalline material known as titanstone. Simply known as the Titans’ Orb, its purpose was to generate a field around the planet, which prevented all foreign entities from passing through. In other words, it was a mighty shield that protected all of Equus from the many supernatural evils that dwelled out beyond the stars.
As I took in all this new information, I quietly studied the ponies and the expressions they wore. Not one of them seemed to have any confidence, as though they weren’t sure where to begin when it came to locating this ‘Titans’ Orb’. From what I could gather, coming to me had been their first port of call, and that was the greatest mystery to me thus far; why on earth had Celestia sent them to me of all people? If only I could ask her myself.
{Blimey…} I thought, {To lay eyes on Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun…}
The thought had me tingling with excitement, I’d do anything to have such an honour. That was when the thought hit me; what if I could go back with them after this, to Equestria? And then as quickly as it had flashed in my mind, the idea was shot down, as I remembered what the Princess had said to Rainbow’s human father at the end of My Little Dashie…
‘He cannot join you in our world, much like how you cannot stay in his.’
If that story really did happen, then it was already established, I would never be permitted a life on Equus. Besides, it wasn’t my place to expect such a thing; the girls had come here to retrieve something important, and then return home. Still, even if I couldn’t go to Equestria, I would help them nonetheless, there was nothing left for me here. I had been miserably wasting away for years now, with nary a shred of hope for a happy future. Well, this was my chance to change that, this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to change my stars, and I was taking it.
“So, this Orb… I’m guessing you need my help finding it?”
“In a word, yes.” said Rarity, “Yes we do.”
Nodding my head, I asked if they had any clue where it might be. Coincidentally, Twilight at that very moment finished with my science book and chose to insert herself into the conversation, putting the tome down and taking the time to elaborate.
“It’s not so simple.” she said, “It wasn’t sent here in one piece. Before being cast from our dimension to yours, the Titans’ Orb was broken into six individual fragments. These fragments were then scattered across your planet, and not just in different places, but in different times too.”
“Times?” I echoed, “You’re saying these pieces travelled through time?”
“Sort of.” she hummed, licking her bottom lip, “Thanks to the old research of Star Swirl the Bearded, we’ve come to learn that time distorts between dimensions. Travelling between them is dangerous, and requires very powerful magic to do safely. From the little data Princess Celestia was able to gather, it seems that every fragment of the Orb was affected. All six of them came here in a different place, at a different time. That’s why the Princess sent us to you, she believes that you can help us navigate this world of yours, and keep us from danger.”
“Across the whole planet?” I gasped in disbelief.
With her desire to educate me now spent, Twilight simply nodded and went back to reading, moving on to my Autodesk Maya Basics Guide. Swallowing, I presumed that the group would want me to give my answer sooner rather than later, and so I gave it.
“Well count me in. When do we leave?”
“Whenever you’re ready I suppose.” said Applejack.
That made me think…
{I could just leave… I could get away from this place right now, and go see the whole world.}
I shivered with excitement. While I wasn’t a religious person, it was hard not to consider this as some sort of divine intervention, my true calling. But I couldn’t just leave, not without anyone knowing. No matter how horrible my family were, I didn’t want them to worry about where I had gone; I didn’t care so much about my mother, but Oliver deserved better than that. And what if my father miraculously came home after all these years? What if I never saw him again?
“What about my family?” I asked.
Rainbow Dash’s jaw nearly hit the floor, and she stared at me with disbelief.
“Seriously, with how awful they are to you? Dude, we’ve all seen how they treat you, it’s disgusting! Just this morning, that frickin’ monster attacked you! Seriously dude, you’ve gotta ditch ‘em!”
“Ah…” I sighed, “You saw that then, did you?”
Nodding, Rainbow sat upright and crossed her forelegs, similar to how a human would cross their arms in annoyance. Now that she had brought it to mind, my head started throbbing again, causing me to wince. Fluttershy noticed, and as I went to rub at the pulsating bump, she insisted that I allowed her to take a look at it.
“It’s fine, really.” I protested.
“Don’t be silly, I can see you’re in pain, now come here.” she ordered.
Her change in attitude caught me off-guard, and I found myself compelled by her sudden influx of authority. Coming to sit on the floor in front of her, I allowed the yellow pegasus to comb gently over my head with a hoof, and soon enough Fluttershy found the bump. She brushed it lightly with the rim of her hoof, causing me to flinch for a second time and emit a faint hiss through my teeth.
“Oh dear, this is definitely not fine.” she remarked, “It looks like there’s a little bird’s egg in your head!”
“Eh, I’ll be fine, honestly.” I grumbled, “Trust me, I’ve had worse.”
Hearing this, everyone’s faces sank, realising just how terrible my life must have been, living with such a heartless brute. Even Twilight, who had now made her enmity known, gave me a pensive look.
“How do you still care about them?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Applejack then spoke up, who actually defended my position.
“Rainbow, look, I ain’t saying how they treat him is fair, but they’re his family, no matter how gosh darn unkind they can be. Blood’s thicker than water and all that…”
Turning to me, she continued.
“I can understand why you wouldn’t want them worrying about you, right Sugarcube?”
Nodding, it was nice to know that at least one of them got it. I couldn’t stand my family, not one bit, but I didn’t want them endlessly questioning what became of me. My dad had already disappeared without a trace, it would be beyond cruel to make Oliver deal with that all over again.
“So what? You’re going to tell them you’re going on an adventure or something?” said Dashie.
That’s when a crazy idea popped into my head.
“Might be a bit drastic, but we could… I don’t know, fake my death?”
Everyone was caught off guard by that. They all recoiled in shock and Twilight’s book hit the floor. The ponies clearly weren’t ready for such a thing to be sprung upon them, but if they are going to travel around this planet with me, then they would have to get used to it. There was no telling where the road ahead would take us, but it would be foolish to think we would pass through it without bumping into death at some point. After a rather awkward silence, Applejack finally spoke up.
“Hun, are you sure you want to do that?”
After some hesitation, I doubled down and gave a confident nod. In response, the mare cleared her throat and blinked rapidly to disperse the glossiness in her eyes.
“But ain’t that worse? Making them think you’re dea-”
“Applejack, I honestly think it’s for the best.” I interrupted her, “I’d rather they believe I’m dead and move on, than be left forever wondering where I am, you know? Plus, if I’m to keep you all hidden, then it would hardly be ideal for me to be attached to a missing persons case, now would it? Trust me, it’s the right thing to do.”
My explanation was fully logical, and my words made sense to all. With a degree of reluctance, the girls saw no valid opposition to the plan, and so it was agreed that I would fake my death. However, we didn’t need to spring into action right away, and with there now being an awkward ripple amongst the group, I decided to change the subject.
“Look, we’re not in any rush. My mum’s not home until tomorrow, so we’ve got plenty of time to make a proper decision. Why don’t we focus on something else for now, yeah?”
Chuckling nervously, I suggested that it might be nice to get to know each other better before planning how best to kill me. A few of the girls laughed, with a dash of comedy helping to settle the uneasy atmosphere. Helping to move things along, Rarity pointed at my shoes and tilted her head.
“Well, ever since getting here, I have to ask. What is the purpose of those things attached to your paws?”
Doing my best not to laugh, I took off my shoe and presented it to her, and explained how humans didn’t have paws, they had hands and feet, both of which were much more sensitive compared to hooves. I proceeded to explain what shoes were, and why we wore them. The girls were all intrigued, and I asked if there was anything else anyone wanted to know, everyone was a bit stumped, and so I thought I’d ask one of them directly. Wanting to help her feel included, I singled out Twilight.
“Is there anything you’d like to know, Twilight?”
“No.” she said bluntly, not even bothering to look at me.
She continued to read away, and the others all stared at her, appalled by her brusqueness. After a moment of silence, she realised that everyone was staring at her, and it dawned on her how rude she’d been. With a sheepish expression, she tried rapidly to come up with a contribution.
“Say, this book, your Maya Guide, it covers something called Three-D animation. Can you humans really make these moving picture shows with nothing but digitally generated content?”
“Of course, we’ve been making Three-D films for years now!” I replied cheerily, “They’re made by people called animators. There are no cameras, no actors, and no sets, it’s all done at a desk by using something called CGI. Well, I say ‘no actors’, there are voice actors, who record their voices in a studio, which then gets added to the animation. I could put one on for you if you like?”
“Yes please.” she confirmed, her demeanour finally brightening, “It would be fascinating to see all these instructions come to fruition!”
With that, I escorted everyone down into the living room, where I gathered all the animated films and allowed them to choose one. It took them a while, but eventually Pinkie planted a hoof onto one of the options and broke into a wide smile.
“Hey, what about this one?”
“Ooh, good choice Pinkie!” I chuckled, taking out the disc.
Rolling my eyes, it dawned on me that this would now be the seventh time I had seen this. However, I was hardly complaining, for there were few better animated films than the one and only…
Kung Fu Panda.