//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Explanations // Story: Like a Vacation // by Agrith //------------------------------// Chapter 2: Explanations “Hey Guard? Hey Guard? Hey Guard? Hey Guard? Hey-“ “What?!” “Hi.” “Why do I always get the crazies?” I snickered and laid back down on the cot, thinking of other ways to piss of the guards. “Hmmm, I wonder if I can get my hands on a moon pie. Or maybe pretend I’m dead. Or I could combine both of them.” I shake my head at that. “They might actually think I’m dead and try to shock me back to life. And I don’t think defibrillation is pleasant while fully conscious. Plus I don’t think I could keep a straight face with a mouth full of moon pie.” I moaned and beat my head in my pillow. “How much longer are they going to be? I’m as bored as I was back home.” After Celestia had sent Chrysalis off to god knows where, she brought me back to Equestria. All I remembered of the process was a bunch of runes appearing around my feet and a beam of light coming from Celestia’s horn. Next thing I knew I was in the middle of the throne room and immediately dragged off to the dungeons. Surprisingly enough, the cell was actually big enough for me. I thought with the place being mainly ponies, the cells would all be sized for them. The cell was bare except for a cot, a bucket full of water on the floor, and a mirror on the wall. Two guards were stationed directly outside the cell with several more down the hallway. I amused myself by finding ways to piss off the guards, and it was extremely fun. First, I tired taking their helmets off, but they were quick to back away and jab their spears at me. Then I started flicking water at them, until they had a unicorn come and cast a spell preventing objects from leaving the cell. I then started humming “It’s a Small World After All”. It was hilarious when the guards finally snapped. One was trying to jab his spear at me while the other was trying to restrain him. I was laughing like a manic the whole time. They threatened to put a silencing spell on me when I promised I wouldn’t hum any more. “I never said anything about talking,” I said to myself as the guards rotated around. And now back to the present. I had little experience in annoying people verbally, so I decided to do the only other thing I know. “He’s been awfully quiet, don’t you think?” one of the guards said. “I prefer them quiet,” the other guard said, “then it’s funnier if they ever scream their head off.” “When has that ever happened to you?” the first guard asked. “About three months ago, when-“he was cut off by a sound coming from the cell. “What in Equestria?” they both said at once. “~I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves. Everybody’s nerves. Yes, on everybody’s nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves. And this is how it goes.~” “Oh Celestia, he’s singing,” the second guard said. “Don’t worry, he’ll run out of breath eventually.” After five minutes of singing, that seemed like an unlikely possibility. “Will you be quiet already!” the second guard yelled. “Never!” I yelled. I jumped off the cot and up to the cell door. “In fact, just for telling me to shut up, I’m going to sing even louder!” “Don’t you dare,” the second guard growled. “~I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY’S NERVES! EVERYBODY’S NERVES! YES, ON EVERYBODY’S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY’S NERVES! AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!~” I was so entrapped in my singing, I closed my eyes and didn’t notice the guards had left until I opened my eyes again after the seventh rendition of the song. What I saw caused me to jump back and back into the wall. “Do you always sing like that, or is this a special occasion?” Celestia asked me. I growled as I stood back up and dusted myself asked. “Celestia,” I asked angrily, “why did you bring me here?” “To the dungeons? Well, I simply couldn’t trust you to wander the castle. I had to make sure-“ “No, not the dungeons,” I interrupted, “Here. Equestria. Why did you take me from my home? You had no right.” Celestia’s head dropped a little. “You need to come with me,” Celestia said, “There are a lot of things I need to tell you.” The way she talked was almost like a doctor telling a patient they have cancer and only three months to live. “This doesn’t bode well for me,” I said to myself. As I followed Celestia out of the cell, we passed by the guard that tried to stab me with his spear. I hummed the first seven notes and watched with sadistic satisfaction as he made his way to attack me, only to be stopped by his fellow guards. I continued following Celestia through the dank hallways of the dungeons until we reached the castle proper. I looked around in awe at the architecture; the white marble, the high ceilings, everything. We were joined by several guards as made our way to what I thought was the throne room, but turned out to be the library. The first thing that hit me was the sheer number of books. Hell, I don’t even think ‘countless’ could describe it. Bookshelves reaching up to the tall ceiling, crammed full of texts of every kind. I could read a few of the titles, but the majority appeared to be in several languages; magic or books from different species I guessed. As we went deeper into the library, I saw several unicorns running about; some levitating books or scrolls, others searching through ancient looking texts. They all had frantic looks on their faces. We stopped when we reached a massive pile of books. I couldn’t help but think of the book fort comic, except the tension around here was dead serious. Unicorns emerged from the ten foot tall pile of books carrying scrolls and returning with more books. Celestia’s horned glowed and the entire stack shifted aside, revealing the pony in the center of the chaos. Princess Luna’s horn glowed as she wrote on a scroll before handing it to a waiting unicorn. She then returned to the book she was reading, furiously writing notes. Celestia stepped forward and cleared her throat. “Sister.” Luna’s head snapped up. Her eyes were bloodshot and her pupils were dilated. I raised an eyebrow at her condition. “Have you discovered anything more since I left?” Celestia asked. Luna sighed and set down the quill she was levitating. “No. I have found nothing more.” She looked past Celestia and at me. “You have brought the human.” “Yes. It is time he knows what is going on.” “What do you mean “what is going on”?” I started to yell, “Just fucking send me back already!” “That would not be advisable,” Celestia said. “Then tell me what the hell is going on,” I said as I crossed my arms. “You may want to sit down,” Celestia said as she pulled up a chair. I sat down and it was surprisingly comfortable. That’s when I noticed most of the unicorns had disappeared, probably realizing Luna wasn’t going to be giving out any more scrolls for the time being. “How much do you know of our world?” Celestia asked me. “A little bit,” I answered, “I’ll ask questions if I don’t understand anything.” “Very well,” Celestia said, “Now what would you like to ask about first?” “First, what the hell was Chrysalis doing in my world? Second, what the fuck do you mean when it is not advisable for me to return to my own world? And thirdly, Luna, do you like bananas?” The Princesses seemed composed for my first two questions, but were completely caught off guard by my last one. I chuckled softly. “You don’t have to answer that question. I’m just messing with you.” Celestia smiled softly. “I know where you can find out,” Celestia said, Luna still at a loss for words. My eyes widened in shock when I heard those words. She pulled out a megaphone and gave me a crazy smile. “For the love of my eardrums, can you please not do what you are about to do,” I pleaded. “But don’t you want-“ “No god no. Please don’t do it. It was only a joke and I didn’t think you would actually know what the hell I’m talking about.” “Celestia, what is he talking about?” Luna asked. “It’s a human thing. I will tell you later,” Celestia said as she put the megaphone away. Celestia looked at me. “As for your first question, while I am not sure of her exact reasons, I believe Chrysalis was planning on conquering your world for her hive. How she was planning on doing that, I have no idea.” “So what was with the plushie changeling I found in my room?” I asked. “A scout. What were you doing with it to make Chrysalis so angry? She looked like she was ready to burn the entire town.” “Well, I honestly don’t think she cared about the changeling at all. She burned it right in front of me. The reason she was so mad was because I threw a knife at her and it clipped her wings. Then she started throwing fireballs at me.” Luna looked like she was about to fall over, while Celestia’s eyes widened at my mention of the knife. “So you attacked her? You are either very brave or very idiotic,” Celestia said. “It was more like self-defense. And I figured she was going to kill me anyway so why not piss her off to get it over with,” I said matter of factly. Celestia rubbed her temples. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand you humans. Just when I feel I know what you will do next, you go off and attack something at least five times more powerful than you.” I shrugged. “To each their own.” “Indeed,” Celestia said, “As for your second question, do you remember that green flame that shot out of the containment ball Chrysalis was in?” I thought back. “Vaguely,” I said, “Why, what’s its importance?” Celestia sighed. “That green flame was Chrysalis’s last order to her hive before I severed her connection. Now she no longer commands them and will be treated like any outsider.” “What was the order?” I growled. “That order was her hive to hunt you down, and kill you.”