//------------------------------// // Look Before You Strip // Story: Ofolrodi // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// "Is..." Tiny clawed footsteps. Jacko had walked across the store to run his grimy palm across Wildcard's neckcrest. "Are those feathers real, as?" "... ... ...?!" Wildcard's beaked swiveled spun towards him like an owl's. "Sh-shit!" Jacko hopped backwards with a flounce of his necklace. "Sear me ears! What mangy rubbish pile did ya crawl eet of?" Wildcard sighed, he turned towards the three goblins behind the counter and flexed his metal digits, showing off the prosthesis' articulation. The three Fur-Blooders cooed, their large eyes glittering like gemstones. "Starbeeeeeams." Campo pointed, smiling with razor-sharp teeth beneath his pointed jaw. "How many strips for it?" "What?!" Rainbow frowned. "It's not on sale! It's his friggin' arm!" "Righ, and it's me friggin' money!" Campo gestured. "Twenty strips for the mutated bird-o's love-makin' arm and I'll throw een a complimentary box of crackahs, aye?" "He ain't no crackah munchin' featha dustah, Campo!!" Jacko growled. "Look et thet beak! That's made for rippin' flesh! Only ever seen them bitahs poppin' off of patrollin' change-o's!" Rainbow leaned aside. "Twilight, are you taking notes?" she murmured. "I'm certainly trying," Twilight whispered back. "Guys...?" Ariel trotted in, followed by Kepler and Seraphimus. "What's taking you so lo—?!" She blinked. "... ... ...is this for real?" Seraphimus sighed lethargically at the awkward scene. "Unfortunately so..." "Ach! What is happening?" Kepler sniffed the air. "And why do my nostrrils detect fungus?" "Shard-o's shitholes!" Dyno reacted. "More of 'em! "Oi!" Jiro pointed at Seraphimus' beak. "Look the pointy end on that'n!" Seraphimus' eyes narrowed. "All the more to deflate you with." "Hah!" Jiro chuckled. "I do love me a sassy bird! Even if she's half pussy!" "Hahahaha!" "Hahahaha..." Ariel grimaced. "Is this some kind of cruel joke?" Campo bowed even lower. "Fur-Blood's trade hole, love. Cruelest joke this end of the Blob." Flynn arched an eyebrow. "Blob?" Campo merely continued. "The Steel-Bloodah's and Star-Bloodahs get the uppah spokes of Petra, but Fur-Bloodahs hafta play babysittahs for naked horse meat!" Dyno smirked across the shop. "And Tail-Bloodahs get to live in the wastes, makin' strips outta foot-fondlin'! Haha!" "Up yours ya drongo," Jacko growled. "At least I don't have to cheat thoughtless droolahs for a livin'!" "Yeah! Then you'd have richah blood!" Campo looked at Wildcard again. "Thirty strips! That my final offah!" He gestured vaguely out the door. "Ya don't need two pairs of digits out there in the wastes! Just find a failure and make 'em your extra set of limbs! Just look around and listen for sobbin'! You're bound to find one!" "... ... ..." Wildcard stared at him. "Not much for yabbin', are ya?" Campo's ears pulled back, and the green of his skin darkened slightly beyond the penumbra of the amberlight. "How do we know them feathahs are real? Or the metal for that matter." "It's sure as Hell real, bub," Flynn spat. "I made it myself!" "Campo..." Jiro leaned in, eyes locked on Wildcard and the others. "...they sure as Hell ain't actin' like normal travelahs." "That's because we're not!" Ariel exclaimed. "You..." Jiro scratched his pointy chin. "You don't think—" "Thees far out beyond the Blob?" Jacko grimaced. "In Dihmah town? They wouldn't have anything worth suckin' on." Rainbow's eyes darted left... then right. "...you think we're changelings?" "Wouldn't be the first time they've tried somethin' this desperate," Campo snorted. "Wastes are gettin' thin, I reckon." "You would all be dead by now if we were allied with the Keepers of the Flux," Seraphimus said. "Sera..." Rainbow sighed. "'Keepahs of the Flux!'" Campo once again filled the store with laughter. "Hah hah hah hah! Them's Spindlah words! You haven't been sleepin' with any eight-legged minstrels in your travels, aye?" "And what if we have?" Ariel asked. Rainbow smacked her rear fetlock. "Er... I mean... no." "Ya best be careful! Might ketch yaself a case of the widow willies! Hah! Worst way to die out heah is to do so pissin' fire from silk-os, cobbah." Flynn looked at Rainbow Dash. "Remind me why we're in here again?" Rainbow droned. "We're trying to get information about this place and beyond." "Do we have to?" "Ah!" Campo seemingly woke up to the matter at hand. "If it's info you're hankerin' for, then youse gotta pay up! Strips for tips, aye?" "I was thinking we could do an exchange of information," Rainbow Dash said. She slapped on a bright smile. "Wouldn't your society want to know what lies beyond Penumbra? On the other side of the world?" "Pfffft!" Campo rolled his eyes while his ears curled. "Penumbra's a myth! All that burns beyond the edge is unkethchable starbeams! Petra is the only fire that mattahs, love." "I... thought Petra was a city," Flynn remarked. "Hah!" Jiro scoffed. "They really were shat out yesterday!" "I still think they're change-o's," Dyno said. Rainbow groaned. "What do we gotta do to prove that we're not changelings—" "Here." Seraphimus stepped up, talons barred. Chiiing! "Wait, Sera—don't—" Rainbow protested. "Nonono—youdon'thaveto—!" Sliiiiiiiink! She made a shallow cut across her forelimb and exposed the glowing blood before the goblins. Rainbow sighed, shutting her eyes. "Sweet meats!" Jiro wheezed. "The bloody ostrich has got petrol for blood!" Seraphimus' eyes narrowed. "I beg your pardon?" "Oi!" Campo pointed at Wildcard with a grin. "Cut 'em next! See if he oozes gold!" Ariel face-hoofed. Rainbow glared at Seraphimus. "See what I mean? If they're anything like the ones from Val Roa, they only speak in money." "Strips, love!" Campo pointed at the petite pegasus. "Streeeps. How many times do I gotta say eet?!" Jacko tugged on Rainbow's left wing. She looked down at him, and the grayish imp murmured, "Are ya really from Penumbra?" Rainbow opened her muzzle to respond— "Just what is a strip?" Logan asked after a patient wait. Campo flung him a look. "What, are ya bloat, lard-o?" He gripped the metal rectangle dangling around his neck and held it out at the chain's length. "Thees is what makes trade go around, aye?" The silver sheen of the strip flickered into Rainbow's eyes. In the following blink, all of her marefriends vanished. A wave of dizziness overwhelmed Rainbow, and she stumbled backwards—nearly stepping over Jacko. In her peripheral vision, Discord stood, fully materialized. "Oooh... I get it..." He scratched his furry chin. "...we are living underneath your homeland, after all." Just as quickly as he appeared, the dargonequus vanished. Twilight Sparkle and the rest reappeared, visibly disturbed. "What the...?" Pinkie squeaked. "Uhm..." Applejack looked around. "Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy looked at their anchor. "...did we just disappear a moment ago?" "I..." Rainbow grimaced. She looked at the metal strip in Campo's hand, bearing the insignia of the Fur-Blooders in red etching. "...that metal..." "You okay, sheila?" Jacko reached a four-fingered hand out to steady the mare. His Tail-Blood pendant dangled, swinging in her direction. The ghostly mares vanished again. Discord appeared, chuckling. "You could eat ice cream out of those ears of theirs! Those poor naked heavy metal fans outside don't know what they're missing!" This time—when he vanished—Rainbow Dash was left teetering in a cold sweat. Panting. Wildcard and Ariel gaped at her with concern. "Is everything okay...?" Ariel asked. Campo nodded. "What she on about?" "I..." Rainbow shook all over. "...I-I have to step outside!" And with a flick of her tail, she hurried out the door. "Rainbow—!" Confused, Twilight and the rest of the companions flailed after her.