Chapter 3: Realizations
It took me a moment to fully comprehend what Celestia just said. My mind began formulating various solutions to solve this situation, each one more impossible than the next, until I thought of something.
“Can’t you just cast a spell that will make me invisible to changelings or something?” I asked.
“That’s what I’ve been researching,” Luna said, “Unfortunately, none of the spells are permanent. The longest that is guaranteed is two weeks and the spell cannot be cast on you again for at least two months after those two weeks are up.”
“Why not get rid of all the changelings in my world? They’re not supposed to be there anyway,” I said.
“Our powers don’t work the same in your world as they do in ours,” Celestia answered, “We are not as powerful and don’t have as fine-tuned senses. We won’t be able to find all the changelings scattered across the world.”
“Okay then, forget me, what are you going to do about the changelings. Won’t they try to take over?”
“With Chrysalis gone, they will likely go into a comatose like state until a new leader emerges or they detect you,” Celestia said.
“What if a new leader emerges?” I asked.
“Don’t worry, we will be keeping an eye on your world to make sure that never happens,” Luna said, “And if it does, either ‘Tia or I will take care of it.”
Everyone is silent for a few minutes. I contemplate what this means for my future. I won’t be going to college. Maybe I could do a study abroad thing. But what about my family. I’m not providing for anyone, but what will my parents think. Wait, how am I going to even tell them?
“So what happens now?” I asked.
“Since you were forced out of your home by changelings, so to speak,” Celestia said, “you are guaranteed a place to stay and a job until you get back on your feet.”
“Where will I be staying?” I asked.
“You will stay here, in the castle,” Celestia said, “I am sure we will be able to find accommodations that will suit you.”
“What about a job? I don’t think most of my skills are useful in a place like this. Plus, I don’t think most ponies will want to hire someone like me.”
“What do you mean ‘like you’?” Celestia asked me.
“If you look at my core character, I’m a bastard,” I said, “While I don’t usually show it, stick around me enough and you see how much I hate the world. Even if there isn’t anything to hate.”
Celestia put her hoof on my shoulder.
“For now, you may stay as my guest,” Celestia said, “Everything will be free of charge and I will help you find a job Mr.-“
I chuckled slightly.
“I don’t think I ever told you my name. And I don’t think you asked me how I know your names.”
“My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,” Celestia said with the best poker face I have ever seen.
“What!” I screeched.
“We’ve known of it for quite a while, through Luna isn’t as informed as I am in the ‘Brony’ community,” Celestia said.
“You troll,” I look at Celestia, “Were you really going to use the megaphone?”
“Why not,” Celestia said with a smile, “I’ve always wanted to do it since I saw the video.”
“’Tia, you really need to tell me what you are talking about,” Luna said, “I’m getting confused.”
“Now that I’m thinking about,” I said, “Luna, I don’t think you want to delve too deep into the Brony community.”
“And why is that Mr. –“ Luna trailed off.
I faceplammed.
“Still haven’t told you my name. Okay, you may call me Anthony. Please, no titles, just Anthony.”
“Okay Anthony, why shouldn’t I look into the Brony community?” Luna asked.
“To sum it all up into two things: Rule 34 and Cupcakes.”
“What is this Rule 34 you speak of?”
“I will be blunt,” I braced myself, “There is porn of it. No exceptions.”
Luna looked at me with a confused look on her face.
“For example, you and Celestia getting it on, the Elements of Harmony having sex, and various other things I can’t believe I looked up.”
I looked up towards the ceiling.
“Damn you Google Images! Damn you!” I yelled.
“Sister, is what he speaks of true?” Luna asked Celestia.
“Unfortunately, yes,” Celestia said.
“And what of Cupcakes? It can’t be as bad as Rule 34.”
“I think it would be better if you don’t know what it is,” I said, “For your sake Luna, and possibly for the safety of one of the Elements of Harmony.”
“Oh my,” Luna said.
We sat in silence for some time. Luna looked as if she was about to fall asleep, me looking at my finger nails and Celestia watching me. I wondered if Celestia was trying to figure out what I was thinking. Honestly, I don’t think she was even close to what I was thinking. I broke the silence.
“You trying to read my mind Celestia,” I said as I looked up at her.
“I was just wondering if you were in any distress,” she said, “You look very calm.”
“It’s because I am. Even in stressful situations, I’m easily entranced by some mundane thing I’ve looked at a thousand times.”
I continued looking at my nails.
“What do you think I’m thinking about now?” I asked Celestia.
“Your accommodations, I presume,” she responded, “I’m sure you’re curious.”
“Actually, I was wondering if Luna was really sleeping, or if she just closed her eyes,” I said.
We both looked over to where Luna was sitting to see her still sitting up but with her head drooped over to one side, eyes closed.
“I think she is asleep,” Celestia said, “She hasn’t slept for the past few days. There were concerns for some outlying villages falling victim to changelings. Luckily for you, she was already researching spells for defense against changelings or you might have had to wait a few days before you got any answers.”
“How lucky,” I mumbled.
Celestia’s horn glowed briefly and Luna disappeared with a ‘pop’. I raised an eyebrow.
“I merely sent her to her bedroom,” she explained, “Easier than waking her up or carrying her.”
“Whatever, as long as it isn’t me,” I said.
“Actually, I was thinking of saving you the walk and just teleport you to your room.”
“Wait, what?”
I was briefly blinded by a bright light and felt myself lift off the floor. I then felt my feet slamming back down on the ground. I wobbled a bit at the unexpected drop.
“Damn it Celestia,” I cursed, “Give me a little warning next time.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” she said playfully, appearing right next to me.
“You troll,” I said as I looked around the room.
“I hope you find the room suitable. While there are no humans in Equestria, minotaurs seem similar enough to you, so I hope this suits you.”
“I would have been happy with a cot that fit me and a fluffy blanket,” I said, examining the large bed, “This is almost overkill.”
“Well, if you need anything, just ask one of the guards outside the door.”
“Still don’t trust me?” I said with a smile.
“I don’t want you wandering the castle scaring ponies,” Celestia said, rubbing her temples, “I get enough complaints about Luna’s pets. Well, have a pleasant evening. I will see you in the morning.”
I was too busy looking through drawers to notice Celestia leaving. After ten minutes, I realized I was alone.
“When the hell did Celestia leave?” I said to myself.
I walked back over the bed and examined it more closely.
“Very firm, yet soft. Not a whole lot of spring to it. What kind of – oh! It’s a cloud. Never would have thought of that.”
I jumped on the bed and slowly sunk in. I looked around for anyway to make the bed slightly more firm.
“Okay, I can’t even comprehend how the fuck this works.”
There was a knob on the wall that said “Mattress Support”. It went from ‘Brick’ to ‘Cloud’ on it. At the moment, it was a little after the halfway point, towards ‘Brick’. I moved it to halfway between ‘Brick’ and the middle and laid back down.
“Ah, perfect.”
The moment was ruined by my stomach grumbling. I looked out the window and saw the sun was setting.
“Wow, haven’t eaten since lunch,” I said as I sat up on the bed.
I looked towards the door.
“Well, she said if I needed anything, just ask,” I said as I got off the bed.
I walked over to the door and opened it slowly. I stuck my head out and looked around.
“You should return to your room,” one of the guards said without turning his head.
“Fuck you, I want food,” I said, sticking my tongue out.
“A meal is being prepared for you now,” the other guard said, “It should be arriving shortly.”
I brought my head back in and shut the door. I looked around deciding on what to do until the food gets here.
“Perfect,” I said, grinning manically.
***
One of the guards knocked on the door.
“Your food is here, open up,” he said.
I didn’t respond.
“I said, your food is here, open up,” he repeated.
I still didn’t respond.
“Ugh, just go inside,” the guard said to the servant pushing the cart.
The door glowed blue and swung open as the servant walked in.
“I have a variety of fruits and vegetables, as well as a steamed – what in Equestria is going on here?” she exclaimed.
A massive pile of pillows was at the foot of the bed. Blankets on top of chairs finished off the fort. I stuck my head out of the pile of pillows.
“This is Pillow Fort,” I said, “Now prepare for a pillow barrage.”
I burst out of the pile and began assaulting the poor servant with pillows. She ran out of the room screaming. I continued throwing pillows after her until she was out of sight. The guards rushed in to find me rolling on the floor, laughing my fucking ass off. They rolled their eyes and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut. After a minute, I calmed down enough to sit up. I wipe a few tears out of my eyes and eyed the cart with food on it. I got up and examined what there was: bowls of fruit, both whole and cut, dominated the cart, interspersed were some carrots and celery, and the main course appeared to be some type of mushroom stuffed with vegetables. A pitcher of water and glasses were underneath. I took a few of the bowls of fruit and the carrots and put them on a table. I then took the pitcher and drank about a third of it before putting it down.
“Wow, building forts sure makes me thirsty.”
I took the cups out as well and wheeled the cart over to the door. I opened the door all the way and pushed the cart out. It went across the hallway and slammed into the opposite wall. The guards looked at me like I was crazy.
“I don’t like mushrooms that much,” I said as I slammed the door shut.
I jumped back into my fort and began eating the food I kept. I saved the apples for last and holy hell were they delicious. I’ve had some good apples before, but these things just ooze goodness; enough that I almost choked trying to swallow a mouthful of half chewed apple.
After I finished gorging myself on apples, I calmly drank some water, reflecting on all the crazy shit that has happened.
“I wonder how much more fucked up stuff is going to happen to me?” I said to myself.