//------------------------------// // That Awesome Fart Checker // Story: Ofolrodi // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// The stone roads of “Blobstain” stretched before Rainbow Dash—desolate and dreary. An occasional sleepless Dihmer or two lingered along the cornerstones that hadn't yet fallen to bits with the ages, but—for the most part—the stroll was an appropriately empty one, serenaded by the nonstop bass chorus of the slime beyond the sloping cliffsides. Rainbow had only made it about three blocks before she shuffled to a stop, sighed, and muttered to the air beside her. “Okay. Let's have it out.” She cocked her head at an angle. “...who here thinks this is a stupid idea?” “Well...” Twilight Sparkle was the first to drift into view. “...at the risk of beating a dead tree to dust, it most definitely is a risky gamble, Rainbow Dash.” Applejack drifted in second. “We can't be there in yer dreams, sugarcube,” she said, brow furrowing. “Or else I'd tell ya if this Nat'rdo pony was lyin' to you or not.” Rarity, third. “I hate to say it—but the reputation of the Bloodwings precedes them! How can we measure their word of honor against all of the absolutely horrid violence they've committed to those living here?!” Pinkie Pie drifted in, eyes crossing. “Farty farty fart fart far!” “Uhm...” Fluttershy squinted at her. “What are you doing...?” “Upping the counter!” “What counter?” “Fart fart farty fart!” “Pinkie!” Rarity scowled. “Honestly!” She tilted her powdery nose heavenward with a dainty frown. “If you haven't anything poignant to say on the subject, then don't say anything at all!” “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?” Pinkie shrugged with a lazy smile. “Rainbow Dash has to swallow her own pride and make friendly with a bunch of winged murdering savages, just like she had to face the music when it came to dealing with Verlax, and yet after falling into every one of the demented Divine's traps she still managed to save most of Rohbredden and win us a badflank living razor-talon'd griffin girl for beefing up the Herald with extra security while traversing the Dark Side, almost as if Dashie's got a pinkie sense of her own that magically protects her from extreme consequences too severe to ever be able to claw back from—which she has anyways—and now she's gearing up to do it again with the meanie-meanie leatherheads living in a big pew-pew death tree, so what's to be so worried about!” “... … ...” Rainbow Dash exchanged blinking exchanges with her companions. “Pinkie...” Applejack arched an eyebrow. “You pick the dang strangest times to let your muzzle run laps.” “Farty farty fart farty fart!” Pinkie “swam” circles above the group, humming melodically. “Even with your past successes under consideration, darling...” Rarity looked at their anchor. “I think it would be quite wise to practice caution.” “How?” Rainbow shrugged. “By doing nothing?” She pointed at the grand fuchsia ocean beyond the last row of buildings. “If I put that between me and Lexxic's hunting party, I'll still be having to make the same decision I have to make now... only then it'll be a whole lot friggin' harder.” “Mmmhmmm...” Applejack nodded. “Reckon you've learned a thing or two about how downright foolish it is to leave thangs for 'another time.'” “Yeah, well, patience becomes a tasty virtue after you've lived for nearly a year with a blind zebra and a demented elk...” Rainbow Dash blinked. “... … ...and Zaid.” “But these sarosian folks may be hankerin' to gobble you up all the same!” Applejack breathed. “Wherever yer fixin' on goin', you'd better take Wildcard, 'cuz these Bloodwingers just might attack on sight!” “Oh come onnnnn!” Pinkie Pie “backstroked” past the group, smiling upside down. “What could they possibly gain from dropping the axe onto Dashie's dashnoggin?” “They could claim the Element of Loyalty—and it's lunar enchantment—as their own,” Twilight Sparkle said. “And they'd also seize Axan's dragonstone, which would lead them to the location of the other two Shards of Endrax.” “Oh...” Pinkie Pie blinked, freezing in mid-swim. “Those are pretty big gains! Oh well!” She resumed frog-stroking through the air. “Farrrrrrrt fart fartsssss!” “We could leave the dragonstone here,” Fluttershy suggested. “With the Heraldites who stay behind.” “Nah, Flutters.” Rainbow slowly shook her head. “If this ends with these dreamtrotting melon fudges jumping me, then the quest is good as over. Doesn't matter who would get the dragonstone—or the shards—if there's no hope of saving Urohringr anymore.” “Oh...” Fluttershy's ears drooped. “...well, when you put it like that...” “Ideaaaa!” Rarity perked up. “The dragonstone could be used as a bargaining chip—or, rather—the information that Axan's posthumous gift provides!” “How so?” Applejack squinted. “The fact that Rainbow Dash possesses the dragonstone gives her intuition concerning the location of the other two shards.” Rarity smiled mischievously. “If she presents this information to the Bloodwings, they'll likely spare her so that they can perform strategic strikes against both the Keepers and the Night Shards to obtain the missing pieces!” “Yeah...” Applejack frowned. “Or they might just chop off the hooves holding the dragonstone and use it on their lonesome!” “Do... we really need to help the Bloodwings attack the other factions?” “Well, not necessarily!” Rarity's eyelashes fluttered. “We only need to suggest that—” “Suggest what?!?” Applejack shrugged hard. “They've been fightin' this war for lifetimes, Rarity! The quest to open the Midnight Armory is all they know! Of course they're gonna want to squash the competition to get to what's inside!” “And how's Dashie gonna break it to the batty-bats that she needs to grab the Harmonic Prism in the end and not them?” She waggled her eyebrows as she slowly swam by. “Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarts.” “They ain't gonna give somethin' like that up,” Applejack said. “At some point, Rainbow's gonna have to come clean with these folks.” Rarity cleared her throat. “Or rob them blind.” “She's dead if she tries that nonsense.” “She'll be dead with the other choice.” “Reckon not.” Applejack shook her head. “If we can just show these fellers the light—” “Like we did with the sarosians of Bleak's Plummet?” Rarity folded her forelimbs. “They already had the light, Applejack. Not these murdering brutes. I'm sorry, but I really don't think Rainbow Dash can afford to be fully complicit with them!” “You know what the ponies of the Dark Side need?” Fluttershy bore a small, delicate smile. “A show of kindness.” A sad, melodic sigh escaped her lips. “I'm afraid they haven't known that in eons. But... if Rainbow can spread the wholesomeness of Equestria... maybe... just maybe they'll consider a non-violent alternative and help save this plane.” “The problem with that, Flutters,” Rainbow muttered, “Is that I can already tell from Nat'rdo's speech that these sarosians believe that everything under Celestia—the 'Daybreaker'—is completely corrupt and evil.” She looked at Applejack. “They might look at me as an invader and not a friend.” Applejack shrugged. “Or they could not.” “It's too risky of a gamble, darling,” Rarity said. “This entire idea is a risk, Rarity,” Twilight said with a sigh. “A risk that—I fear—we've been putting off for far too long.” Her eyes darted up to meet Rainbow's. Rainbow slowly nodded. With a gulp, Twilight continued: “It's not like we'd be going into this completely unarmed. Luna's enchantment... it just might be enough to enlighten these ponies.” “Right...” Twilight gestured. “If Princess of the Night's magic is powerful enough to ward off a sarosian presence in Rainbow's dream, then who knows just what it can do in the corporeal world?” “I won't be going there to experiment, Twi,” Rainbow said. “I'll be going to see if they're the faction that I can work with.” “And...” Fluttershy curled up into a nervous yellow ball. “...if they're not?” “... … ...” Rainbow took a deep breath. “Then I've got some flight exercise ahead of me.” She looked out upon the pink expanse. “And we'll need our backup plan to put as much distance between us and the Bloodwings as possible.” Silence fell over the group. “We trust you, Rainbow,” Twilight Sparkle said in an earnest tone. “None of us... c-can really make this decision for you.” “You've faced severe challenges before,” Rarity said. “Our lives were as much in your hooves then as they are now.” A solid—yet nervous—smile blossomed. “We'd be foolish to pretend like we have any greater experience in what to do here...” “But... we ain't aimin' to make it hard for you either, darlin',” Applejack said. “Please... tell us... what do you need the most right now?” “To be honest...?” Rainbow rubbed her aching head as her ears twitched with each boom-boom-boom of the alien ocean beyond. “...I could use some peace and quiet to think” “I...” Twilight Sparkle chuckled nervously, gazing at the inhospitable urbanscape crumbling around them. “...I don't know if we can do much to help there.” “Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar—” Pinkie drifted in. “Httt!” Applejack bucked her hard in the side. “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—” Blip! Pinkie vanished in a vanilla flicker of light. “Reckon we can go somewhere where we won't make a peep,” Applejack said with a goofy smile. “Mmmmmm-yessss...” Rarity stifled a yawn. “That sounds divine, actually.” Twilight looked at her remaining friends, then at their anchor. “It's about time for us to rest up. Do you think that would be alright, Rainbow?” “Totes, girl.” Rainbow saluted. “So long as one of you stays, of course.” “I will.” Fluttershy raised her hoof with a bashful. “I'm the quietest,” she whispered. Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight joined Pinkie in the invisible realm beyond... ...and Rainbow Dash continued her lonesome stroll with a politely silent Fluttershy floating after her as a feather-light chaperone.