//------------------------------// // You Live Like a Pig // Story: The Stupid Bet // by Hillbe //------------------------------// You Live Like a Pig Spike grumbled more then his usual grumblings this early morning as another gals night in at the castle raged through his head. A guys night out would of been so much better if his guys were there, But Big Mack had other plans and Fluttershy had Discord watching her little angels at her cottage. Amazing what a shy little pegasus could do to the once mighty Lord of Chaos. The business in the little dragons room was once again interrupted as the toothpaste flowed and the soap bubbled, It didn't matter how many bathrooms there were. That stupid castle always put Spike in the one that anymare needed at that exact same moment. Twilight, Sunset Glimmer, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Derpy. Even the castle tours had to be discontinued as tourists were at the mercy of the random eyeful of dragon booty. Spike shook his head with a face full of claw, He was counting his blessings that a certain unicorn mare had yet to stumble in on his morning routine. Maybe this stupid castle knew that if it would embarrass him in front of her that this crystal castle would be lunch for a vengeful dragon. Nah, he remembered his first and last castle tasting and that scorched bathroom now sealed to prevent its use, Keeping it a secret from Twilight was one of the promises kept as somepony received a new kite as needed for her recreational requirements. Promises, Spike was well aware of what they were. A girls night, A few hoofs of bridge, drinks and gossip. Who knew a ladies game could be so cut throat, and the language rough enough to make the saltiest sailor blush! As the bit piles grew the idea of a more daring line of wagers came to the night air as slips of script detailing tasks and favors came into play. The night drew to a close with many a mare passed out around the table their comfy pillows their last resting place. The bit piles and scripts of daring deeds yet to be paid also slept quietly through until morning. ----------House Maid for a Day----------- Spike waddled along the path to repay the daring deed lost to Rainbow "Daring" Dash, He must of been hanging out too much at Rarity's Boutique as his joking wager was to have the number one Wonderbolt chow down on a nacho chip. But it wasn't just an ordinary cheese topped crispy cruncher, It had a lone passenger, a big ol green horse fly buzzing in all its glory fighting for it's life. Spike thought Dashy didn't have the guts to do it... A poor defenseless horse fly. "CRUNCH" "What? What do you think happens at every show? Do you know how many bugs I get into my teeth just in one stunt alone?" Fluttershy went into a tizzy as Rarity turned green and gagged when Twilight went on to lecture about the benefits if eating bugs. Yea bugs and right now what bugged our glorious hero of the Crystal Empire was the thought of cleaning Rainbows hooch that cloud piled into the shape of a mansion tethered to a stake on the out skirts of Ponyville. Rainbow had already arrived leaving the door open letting Spike see the coming battle zone of trash, dirty laundry, pizza boxes and all other signs of "YOU LIVE LIKE A PIG". Was it just him or was all his pony friends sort of dirty to his dragon standards? One. Twilights usual lack of cleanliness during her exam crams. Two. Apple Jacks farm and her pig sty. Three. Raritys inspiration room Four. Pinkie and the Cakes usual muck of frosting and things popping out of her mane and tail. Then you had Sweet little Fluttershy and her cottage full of critters, of course lets not forget Discords influence even if that lava flow through the living room was nice. Spike viewed Rainbows area of what could be called a teenaged wasteland plus a decade and if he had hopes of finishing before lunch it died a raunchy death smelling like stale food and sweating pegasus with accents of tortoise poop. His eyes watered.His ear flukes picked up the sound of rushing wings as Rainbow "Late As Always" Dash came out of the back room. "Hi Spike got to rush late for practice don't forget to feed Tank bye!" Rainbows burst of speed caught our Mega Maid off guard, Spike spun like a draconic top on the tip of his tail bouncing from wall to wall like a pin ball only to tilt head first into an old container of tortoise kibbles, Wait turtles don't eat kibbles. What was... It's Tanks litter box! First things first Spike gathered what cleaning supplies that he could find, Lacking enough rags he used what was available old towels and dirty uniforms. Why not use them and launder the whole lot after scrubbing a months worth of Pegasus goo from walls floors and furniture. Spike was a master at house work after years of Twilight binges of enlightenment and utter squalor. Any trash in his immediate area was quickly incinerated as his claws shredded lose papers boxes and cups leaving the happy meal main six action figures in a stack on the table. His scrubbing mopping and scouring removed all traces of pony funk that even Rarity would approve of. Looking back at the living quarters he felt a sense of pride of doing a great job, gathering his rags and bucket he turned to the kitchen door and marched right into a nightmare that was only dwarfed by Sweetie Belles cooking. ---------------Seamstress for a Few Hours------------ Rarity stood before the entry of Rainbows estate that was left wide open to all of Equestria, staked to the anchors so that any creature might wonder in and make itself at home and home indeed the whole foyer looked clean fresh and very inviting. She marveled at the glossy floors and the smell of flowers filled her nose as she saw the little dolls stacked on the table, Little Twilight Sparkle, Little Apple Jack, Pinkie Pie, Miss Fluttershy and then there was that moment of blushing of two action figures getting a little action. Rarity quickly rearranged the love struck dolls in a more family friendly way and a little less racy. "After all I am a lady" Her horn sparked the dolls to life in a little dance of whimsy. A romantic tale of a shy love struck Dragon in a ponies world. Rarity hummed a little tune as her little fantasy took off on its own. A strange noise filled her ears. A scratching and grunting was now interrupting her fun and it was getting louder and closer. She crept to the kitchen entry and screamed in surprise at an eight legged beast covered in grime and goo with small evil eyes and a large armored head approaching as if to do battle its legs swinging, some with weapons and others with sharp claws and that smell! Rarity gaged and dropped the figures ready for action her blast centered on the monster before her. Nothing deadly Celesta knows how Fluttershy would react if she knowingly killed any creature unless it was absolutely necessary. A resounding scream echoed through the mansion as the beasts head flew off rolling into the foyer as is remaining body ran in circles spouting flame, fabric and all types of cleaning tools. Rarity stared at what was now Spike smoldering mad his arms crossed across his chest fuming at the alabaster mare waiting for an explanation but asking a simple question "So you didn't see me, Did you?" "I'm so sorry Precious Scales, I didn't see you there, please accept my sincerest apologies, You didn't see anything, Did you?" "No I didn't see you playing with those dolls, Where's Tank?" Time stood still for the two as they looked at the positions of the two action figures fused nose to nose in a permanent kiss. Spike and Rarity stood looking blankly at the dolls, Action Figures, Toy Surprises. Oh what ever! They both knew of each others affections, for the record all of Equestria silently cheered for the two silly heros tippy hoofing and sweet sideward glances. Rarity cleared her throat and shuttered, Now that it was mentioned the whole mansion shuttered as a grunt was heard out the foyer. They stumbled across the floor and looked down at a sight never seen before, It was Tank looking up with a grin of wicked ideas, a tortoise of evil, a single claw raised in defiance? Was he snickering at the two dummies stuck in a cloud mansion now dozens of hoofs above its last known mourning the lines to the anchors bit clean through. TANK!