A dull ticking filled a small ten-by-ten room, the source of the noise being an ornate grandfather clock sitting in a corner to the left of the room's door. Said door was equally elaborate and finally crafted from the same dark oak. The walls were painted a soft magenta with an enchanted crystal chandelier filling the room with a dim light. The lighting combined with the wall's coloring filled the room with a soothing aura, the lone factor beyond the dozen or so fireproofing wards hidden in it preventing the room's soul occupant from turning everything into ash. Autumn sighed at her desk, an equally fancy polished black wood house welcoming gift from Rarity that sat across from the room's only entrence. Floating in front of her were over a dozen sheets of paper, more than half of them being bills for repairs or missing equipment that needed to be tended to while she was away. Smoke stared to waft out of her mane as she glared at one bill in particular before she let out a frustrated scream and threw the papers across the room with her magic.
"What the hay was I thinking?!" she wailed, slamming her face into her desk just as her mane turned into pink and blue flames. "That's the last time I ask Ditzy to watch over anything around here!"
A dull whimper crept past her lips as she reached under her desk and pulled out a gray hip-flask. Frowning, she uncapped it and took a reluctant swig. The taste of jasmine hit her tastebuds as well as a cool tingle that settled in her chest. Slowly, her mane returned to normal, her frustration receding to a more manageable level. She let out a relieved sigh before she summoned the bills back to herself with her magic.
While she wasn't fond of The Stream of Silence, she couldn't deny that its water had a lot of useful properties. Chief among these being a stress-relieving tea that helps her kind manage their Nirik forms. A tea that she had to resort to more times than she was willing to admit when it came to her work. As much as she loved the theater, it was the kind of work that made her tear her mane out most days.
"I'll have to cut back on our budget for awhile," she mumbled, running the numbers through her head. "Vermillion and Zeal should be able to bring in a big enough crowd to cover most of these. I'll need to talk to Rafter and Zephyr to see what we can do with what we have."
A knock at the door pulled her briefly out of her musings.
"Come in," she called, still looking at her papers.
The door opened to admit a familiar purple Changeling into the room. Autumn glanced away from a bill towards Vermillion, then rolled her eyes as she floated them into a pile at the far right corner of her desk. Vermillion's ever-present smile grew slightly as she approached her boss in a confidant stride.
"Trouble in paradise?" she asked, falling to her haunches in front of the desk.
"Not now Verm," Autumn groaned. "I'm not in the mood right now."
"Oh don't be like that boss," she giggled. "You know I brighten your day."
Autumn gave her a flat look and said, "Unless you have a way to make one-hundred thousand bits fall onto my desk right now, get out."
"Stressed, yet not burning," Vermillion mused, rubbing her chin with a hoof in thought. "Either you've just had some of your tea recently, or Alex is doing wonders for that part of your life."
"You met Alex?" Autumn gaped, dread dropkicking her stress like an enraged Apple.
"It's about time really," Vermillion continued, barely registering Autumn's question. "A doe like you needs a way to, shall we say, vent if she intends to keep her sanity after all. Why, if it wasn't for Zeal I'd be a nervous reck around here."
Autumn's face turned beet red as she rested it against her desk, her fluffy mane just barely managing to hide her blush. She knew it was going to be a matter of time before the Changeling found her mate, she just hoped that it was going to be after she had all of the theater's issues sorted out. Seeing the futility of lying to the only creature under her employment that wasn't afraid of her Nirik form, she sighed and righted herself with deadpan leveled at the Changeling.
"Go ahead. Get it all out of your system," she groaned, propping her head up on her desk with a hoof.
"As much fun as it would be to tease you over this, I come to offer my help," she said, her smile slowly shifting into a stern frown.
"Huh?" Autumn blinked.
"Yesterday, I helped Alex get a job."
"You what?" Autumn asked.
"I do have at least one altruistic bone in my body, boss," she said evenly, her head tilting up slightly as if slighted. "Anyway, while spending time with him, I came across some very shocking discoveries."
"Like what?" she asked, sitting up straight again.
"First, he is even more fun to tease than you," she started, her face still serious in spite of the playfulness of the statement. "And second, he feels unworthy of your affections."
"WHAT?!" Autumn exclaimed, jumping to her hooves in shock.
"My thought exactly," Vermillion nodded. "How can he have such a foolish thought in his head? Did you tell him such a heinous thing?"
"OF COURSE NOT!!!" Autumn bellowed, the flame wards in the room springing to life as her Nirik form awakened. "HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!"
"I thought as much," Vermillion mused, Autumn's ire ignored as the Changeling mulled over other possibilities. "Perhaps a past trauma is the cause?"
The sudden shift from raging Nirik to wide-eyed Kirin was all the evidence Vermillion needed. Her frown deepened as she sensed her boss' shock shift into a strange mix of anger and grief, an anger not aimed at her specifically for once. The very same combination of emotions she sensed when-
Her eyes widened slightly as a hint of anger flashed through her.
"Who poisoned his love?"
Autumn gulped.
This was just the kind of thing she wanted to avoid. In Changeling hives, there were several taboos that persisted long after the fall of Chrysalis. The biggest one was what they called poisoning love, an act that other creatures simply called betraying a lover. This didn't extend to cheating or anything mildly damaging like that. This was generally more egregious things such as marrying somecreature for their money and then leaving them a day later with all of their bits. Or worse yet, attempting to kill them. While their could be some nuance as far as the penalty for such an offense was concerned in Changing culture, more often than not it was death.
"I can't say," Autumn frowned. "Alex want's to keep things like that to himself and too many creatures know about it as it is."
Vermillion's eyes narrowed as she frowned at the Kirin across the desk, only to reluctantly let out a sigh. This was clearly something she wasn't going to budge on. Besides, there were other obstacles that needed to be tackled that she was more than willing to bash a sledgehammer through.
"Very well," she nodded, her familiar smile creeping across her muzzle. "I need to find my old knives anyway. Instead, let's focus on Alex for now."
"Right," she sighed. "What do you have in mind?"
Vermillion rolled her eyes and said, "The simplest thing in the world; make him feel he's worthy of your love."
"I got that much," Autumn frowned. "Do you have any ideas how we should go about it?"
"Quite a few actually," the Changeling chuckled, buffing her hoof against her chest. "Mind you, they are not for the faint of heart."
"Such as?" she asked, raising a brow.
"You will need to be bold!" Vermillion declared, her hoof raised in a dramatic flourishing arc over her head. "Show him how you see him in a grand display of glory and passion!"
"I knew you were going to say something like that," the Kirin groaned, resting her forehead on her desk. "Any ideas how I should do that?"
"There are a few," she shrugged, dropping her dramatic display as soon as her hoof met the floor. "You could have a sit with him someplace private and talk all of this foolishness out."
"That could work," Autumn mused, lifting her head with hopeful eyes.
"Or you could take him down to the Quarry, light some candles, pin him to the ground, and show him exactly how worthy he is of your love."
It took every ounce of willpower Vermillion had not to fall over laughing when Autumn's whole head literally burst into flames, her wide eyes visible through two mask-like holes in the flames around her face. The sheer levels of embarrassment and lust she sensed was massive, but not more than what she felt from teen couples that came to watch her boss' plays. It was something she found both hilarious and hopelessly adorable in a way.
"Too much?" she asked, smile turning cheshireish.
Autumn nodded, but it was barely perceptible through the flames.
"Honestly," Vermillion chuckled, shaking her head. "If you're like this know, how will you be when you dance for him?"
"Sh-Sh-Shut up," Autumn stammered, the flames dying down until only steam was coming off of her blushing head. "I have a plan for that."
"Right," she chuckled. "Let me know if you need any help with that."
"Thanks," Autumn sighed. "How did he do anyway? Any takers?"
"Yes, actually," Vermillion nodded. "Headmare Starlight Glimmer accepted almost immediately. I suppose she needed a lot of help at her castle."
"What kind of help?" she asked, tilting her head.
"Library work," the Changeling shrugged.
"Huh, seems easy enough," Autumn mused.
"And she said she would pay him fifty bits an hour," Vermillion chuckled.
Autumn's jaw hit her desk.
"She's paying WHAT?!"
"I know," Vermillion sighed. "Do you think she has any other openings? Seems like quite a lot of bits for babysitting a few books."
***
The crystal walls flew past me as I ran for my fucking life, loud explosions and breaking glass nipping at my tails with every frantic step. Starlight was running next to me looking just as freaked out. A ton of snappy comments formed in my head each time a gave her a passing glance, but trying not to die kept putting them onto the back burner. It was supposed to be a simple job. Stay in one of the libraries in the gaudiest building in the world and make sure nothing happened. Simple! Instead-
"What the hell kind of book was that!?" I yelled, both of us rounding a corner just in time to avoid a humvee-sized chunk of crystal.
"I-I don't know!" Starlight panted. "That part of the library is restricted for a reason!"
"I can't fucking imagine why!" I growled, looking over my shoulder.
A writhing mass of eyes and tentacles poured through the hall towards us, shrieking roars and loud booms filling the air as it moved. Every now and then its tentacles would grab ahold of something, rip it out of the walls or floor, and throw it at us. If it wasn't for Starlight's shields and my Iron Tail, we would've been dead hours ago or worse. Trust me, I've seen enough anime to know that getting cornered by a tentacle monster never ends well.
Nope! Nope! Fucking hell no! Not gonna happen! I thought turning my head back towards where I was running.
Hey! What do you know? we're in agreement for once! Now, what are we going to do about this?
What the hell are you talking about? I thought, shooting a Flamethrower at a tentacle that got way to close.
Well, do you really think this thing is going to stay in the castle?
That almost made me pause. There was no way in hell this thing was going to settle for taking out the big crystal Eyesore of Friendship here. It's going to go straight towards Ponyville and when that happens all hell was going to break loose. An image of the thing cornering Autumn flashed through my mind and I immediately started seeing red. Not just her either. That little Kirin that nombed on my tail yesterday and his folks also came to me. That town was my home and there was no way in hell I was going to let some hentai demon from C'thullu's ass hole take it away from me!
We burst through a pair of double doors into what looked like some kind of ballroom, both of us slamming them shut with our own versions of The Force. Starlight didn't waste anytime hauling ass, but I stood my ground and glared at the doors.
"What are you doing?!" she yelled from the other side of the room. "Run!"
"No," I growled, the rage growing inside of me the longer I stared at the doors. "I'm gonna kill this fucker."
"Are you nuts?!" she cried. "We can't fight that thing!"
"Who said we?" I growled, looking over my shoulder at her. "I said I was gonna do it."
"But-"
"Than get someone that can!" I barked, shifting my attention back towards the doors. "If I can't kill it, than I'll keep it busy for a while. Now get MOVING!!!"
A pause, then the sound of a door opening and closing echoed around me. Meanwhile, I heard the monster making its way through the hall in front of me. My core surged with power as I ran through all of my moves and how I could use them against it. While I wasn't very confidant with some of my moves, I wasn't going to let that get in the way of what I had to do. One way or another, I was not going to let this thing leave this castle.
The doors exploded over me to the other end of the room as the beast with a billion backs slithered into the room. It screeched in fury at me while a hateful growl came out of me.
"That's far enough," I growled, a Flamethrower already forming. "You want to start some shit pal? Well, BRING IT YOU TENTACLE DICK MOTHER FUCKER!!!"
It let out another god awful screech and sent a few dozen tentacles at me. I roared as I shot the biggest Flamethrower I could manage. It screeched again, but from pain this time as all of the tentacles were burned to a crisp. I smiled as the flames spread to other parts of its body, but only enough to leave a few nasty burns on its oily green skin. The thing started ripping off pieces of the walls to throw at me, but I countered by sending them right back at it with my Extrasensory. Every now and then it would try to bite at me, but I'd take care of that with a Flamethrower. After a few minutes of this, it decided to double its efforts, which wouldn't've been that big of a deal if it wasn't for one small problem. The fucker was slowly oozing into the room. As the minutes ticked by, more and more of the room was getting filled up with this thing. By the time I noticed, the tentacle monster covered about half of the ballroom. Eventually, I had to start using my Iron Tail to knock away the monster's attacks by the dozen to avoid getting tangled up by it.
"Mother fucker," I growled, stabbing a tentacle with a piece of crystal held by my Extrasensory. "Fine! if that's how you want to play, then let's play!"
I sent my energy through my body just like I did in the Breezy Forest and ran towards the center of the monster. Just like last time, flames surged around me and that weightless effect came over me. I jumped, dodged, and weaved around the mass of appendages and teeth, all the while spreading the flames around me as much as I could. I did it again and started moving even faster. A cluster of eye stocks tried to corner me, but with a combination of Flame Charge and Zen Headbutt I was able to bash my way through.
This creature wanted to hurt Autumn, my new home, and everything that came with it. I was not going to let this thing have a chance to do that. It was going to burn, even if I had to go down with it!
"DIE YOU BASTARD!!!" I roared, belching as much fire as could all around me as tentacles writhed and screamed.
I stopped for a moment to breath, but I guess the thing was waiting for that. A second later, a swarm of tentacles burst out of the ground and wrapped around me. I tried to use Flame Charge to escape, but I couldn't gather the energy needed to do it. A cluster of eyes gathered in front of me as the monster towered over me, hundreds of burns covering it from every angle. I growled as I struggled against my restraints, my hate for the creature growing by the second. I wasn't scared, even when a large cluster of mouths started to move towards me. I refused to let this thing know I was afraid.
"Fucking die in a ditch," I growled, tapping into what little energy I had left in my core.
The creature let out a furious scream, but never got the chance to go beyond that. It froze as a strange purple mist surrounded us. A pained screech filled the room as all of its burns glowed a sickly black. I panicked for a second, then relaxed when the mist washed over me. It felt the same as the energy from my core, but more...etherial, I guess? it was hard to explain. I watched as the mist poured into the infected burns, said infection spreading all across the creature's body. When the creature's entire body turned a rotten shade of black and purple, it slowly started to swell.
I slowly backed up, not really sure I liked where this was headed. This just in, I fucking didn't. The creature let out one last wail before it popped like a zit, dark-green slime flooding the whole room.
"Fuck my life," I muttered, just seconds before a literal tidal wave of shit pushed me out of the room.
All I could see was slime as the tide pushed me through...I don't know how many god damn doors and hallways before I eventually got washed through the front door. I hacked and wheezed as I staggered to my feet, every curse and a few I just made up falling out of my mouth. Trust me, nothing I could say in any language could be worse than the slime I was trying to spit out. When I eventually looked up, I saw Starlight Glimmer, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and about three hundred armored ponies and fifty dragons standing on the castle's front lawn. They all looked surprised, but I didn't really dwell on that for very long.
Frowning, I staggered towards my boss and said, "I want a raise, tomorrow off with pay, and a barrel of the strongest drinks in this whole god damn country."
They nodded and I started heading towards town. Needless to say, I had plans to get drunk tonight and I sure as hell didn't want to do it looking and smelling like I crawled out of a sewer. Especially if I wanted Kirin cuddles tonight. The thought brought a small smile to my face.
What the hell kind of world did I get dumped into?