Optimism and pessimism.
There are no such things as just "optimists" or just "pessimists," we are all a mixture of the two, however skewed they may be. Now in regards to the situation I was in, as always, I had two opinions on the matter.
My optimistic side was saying: ‘Well, looks like she doesn't mind that I'm going to be living with her.'
My pessimistic side, on the other hand, was saying: 'My first time is going to be rape by pastel pony?...OH HELL NO!'
I'd blame the ‘first time’ thing on ‘being focused on my career,’ but with my cubicle job and lack of girlfriend, I’m fairly sure no one would believe me. Let's just say I'm not a ladies’ man and leave it at that.
Anyways, I was currently pinned under a deceivingly adorable, yellow Pegasus with clear intentions. Staring into those hungry teal eyes, I found myself to be completely immobile. For the life of me I couldn't move, I couldn't resist, and worst of all, I couldn't scream.
Where in the hell were those ponies I was taking to earlier? I'm sure they don't want 'accessories of rape' on their criminal records. Unless rape is a commonplace in this land... Despite being immobile, I shuddered at the thought.
The pegasus' face was slowly descending towards my own, her eyes half closed.
In essence, I was screwed, both literally and figuratively.
I felt the warmth of her rough breathing on my face, and with that I closed my eyes and awaited my fate.
“FLUTTERSHY!”
A familiar voice called out from the direction of the cottage. My captor faltered for a moment, and I was freed from being immobile.
I was NOT going to waste this window of opportunity.
Placing my hands around Fluttershy’s middle, I tried to throw her as hard as possible into the air with the expectation of her being able catch herself in the air with her wings.
Great plan, great execution, yet poor results.
On the bright side: I did manage to throw the small pegasus into the air and off of me. She let out a startled “Eep!” after take-off.
To my surprise she rose a good ten feet into the air, but also to my surprise her wings were still stuck straight out and not flapping. She dropped like a rock.
I had a split-second decision to make: Catch the potential rapist or let her fall to the ground and possibly be injured.
...
I regret my decision profusely.
I jumped to my feet, and reaching out my arms, caught the pegasus on her downfall, but not without her freaking wings whacking me in the face first.
I looked down at the butter yellow pony cradled in my arms. She looked back up at me with wide eyes for a moment before letting out another adorable “Eep!” and squirming out of my hold and onto the ground. She wasted no time before running into her cottage as fast as humanly possible (not even gonna try...)
I scratched the back of my head in confusion as I watched her go. That right there was definitely not the same pegasus that was about to have her way with me.
I noticed the group of ponies, who were standing in front of the cottage, part to make way, but still remained staring wide-eyed at where I was pinned under Flutters only moments prior. The only exception was Rarity, who still seemed just as surprised, but had escaped the stupor and was looking at me instead.
It was then that I noticed in my haste to get up, my towel, which had loosened after being knocked to the ground, had fallen off my waist, once again leaving me exposed. Luckily the others were still stuck in a daze and failed to notice my nudity, but Rarity couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away from my *erm* ‘area’. Quickly gathering the towel and wrapping it around my waist, I then walked up to the frozen group of ponies.
“Well... It seems that you ‘Humans’ are quite... exposed.”
Rarity spoke a little shakily.
“Yeah well... We usually wear clothing 24/7, but my clothing disappeared after I got here so...” I trailed off. Dang this was awkward...
“OH! Then you simply must let me make you a wardrobe, I’m sure I can make something that will accentuate those muscles of yours quite nicely, I am a seamstress by trade after all!”
She fluttered her eyelashes at me. (I have had more than my fair share of Flutter today *Ba-Dum-Ch!*)
I could definitely use some clothing, that’s for sure. Wait...What did she just say?
“Muscles?”
A small smirk grew on my face. This flustered Rarity a bit as she blushed.
“Well uhh...Yes, you do have quite the muscular physique.”
Thank you P90X.
“Thank you for the compliment and the offer, I might have to take you up on it, now lets get back to the problem at hand. What in the HELL just happened!?!”
“I...I’m not sure...”
It was Twilight that spoke, but her gaze didn’t shift from that same spot.
“Well. Maybe we -by we meaning you girls, not me- should go talk to her.”
This seemed to snap all the other girls out of it as they all blinked and nodded in unison yet remained cemented in place.
“Soo...What are you waiting for?”
They jumped a bit, as if just realizing what they were supposed to do, and quickly trotted inside. Rarity took one last glance back at me before following them in.
Once again, I was alone outside while they talked to their friend. I decided to take a seat and enjoy the scenery and it’s ambiance. The place was quite beautiful in a way, but I still missed the smoky smell and sound of police sirens in the city.
Behind me there was some definite sounds of a struggle, in other words, s*** was breaking. A smile grew on my face at the clear misfortune of the ponies, maybe it was a little sadistic, but I just couldn't help it.
Soon a loud “NO!” resounded from inside and the five ponies, less Fluttershy, flew out the front door. I looked over at the pony-pile for a moment before returning my gaze to the scenery again. The sound of a door opening signaled that it was time for round two.
This time the “NO!” I heard sounded a bit more desperate, I looked back at the door opening. The group of friends, looking triumphant, were followed by poor Fluttershy being pulled outside by her tail with a purple aura of magic muttering "NoNoNoNoNoNo," all the while. Once again I looked back out at the beautiful scenery. Soon I heard a small *thump* noise to my right; I didn’t turn my head knowing it to be the still restrained Fluttershy.
It took all my willpower not to ask her: ‘WHY DID YOU GO IN A HORMONE FILLED RAGE AND TACKLE ME?'
“I know your planning on saying ‘sorry’ and all that jazz, but just save it, I’m not going to hold it against you.” I was lying, but she didn’t need to know that. I knew that she was feeling guilty.
“Uhm...I...Uhh...I’m-still-so-sorry-I-don’t-know-what-came-over-me.”
Applejack made a small “Hmph” behind me, not sure why.
After several seconds of awkward silence, I heard a slight shuffling sound followed by someone embracing me for a split second before quickly retreating into the house. There was a loud *slam* from the upper-floor followed by a *click*.
‘Well, looks like she locked herself in her room. Can’t say I’m surprised.’
I relaxed the sudden tension I had from the unexpected hug. Was I really scared of her just then?
The ponies behind me all trotted to my front as I stood up. Twilight spoke first:
“Well, we need to get going, try not to get held-down again.” She gave a nervous chuckle.
I was not amused by her attempt at humor. I glared at her.
“Well..uhh...goodbye, if you need me I’ll be at my library in Ponyville. Just follow the path, It’s a big tree, you can’t miss it.”
She turned to leave, her friends followed her closely.
“Bye Stanny Wanny!”
“See ya later Sugarcube.”
“Goodbye Darling, we’ll check up on you tomorrow at around noon.”
I waved them off, watching them go on their way.
As they neared the bridge, I noticed Rarity whispering something to Twilight, I turned my head to see if I could catch any of what they were saying. I didn’t get a whole lot.
“When...Woke...She...Caught...Naked...*censored*...Thought...Still...Dream-”
They moved out of earshot after that.
Shrugging, I picked myself up to walk inside and go take a nap. I’ve had enough estrogen for one day and real men take naps.
I made my way upstairs and into the guest bedroom.
“Well this is going to be interesting.”
The bed, considering my new found size, was a little on the small side.
I laid down, albeit with my legs hanging off the end a bit. Pulling the covers up over me, I caught a whiff of myself and cringed a bit.
“Ugh, I need a shower bad.”
Honestly, I could have taken one just then, but ya’ know how it is with laziness...
I managed to ignore my terrible BO and soon fell asleep.
My dreams were filled with evil barnyard animals and a familiar looking goat laughing maniacally. I woke up with a start to the sun rising into the sky.
‘GEEZE! How in the hell did I manage to sleep that freaking long?’
I tried to bring a hand to my face to alleviate the pain from the splitting headache I was having, but all I managed to do was bend my foreleg. Wait...foreleg? My eyes shot open at this realization.
I was a freaking pony again.
I opened up my mouth to shout out:
“Aww Crap.”
Surprisingly, what was produced was a rather strained sounded whinny and a great deal pain in my throat.
‘Wait a minute...’
I lifted up my head to look at my body, finding my neck to be rather dexterous, I did so with ease. What I found myself staring at was the body of an equine, but this was not the same pony body I had before. This time I actually WAS a legit freaking chestnut horse.
‘Fan-Flipping-Tastic.’
With more than a little difficulty, I rolled myself off the bed and onto the floor. I found it far more difficult to stay on my hooves this time around, so I collapsed more often than I’d care to admit. When I finally managed to get to my fee-err hooves, there was a faint clopping noise from the hallway.
My door opened revealing Fluttershy standing there.
“Stan are you alrigh-”
Suddenly she stopped talking and looked at me with wide-eyes.
“S-so...B-beautifu-”
Once again, her wings popped out with a *pomf* noise and she fainted, hitting the floor rather hard. I attempted to roll my eyes, quite difficult as a horse mind you.
‘What was with this girl and fainting? Is it some sort of defense mechanism for when she was...’
I stopped my brain and attempted to beat out all of the dirty thoughts flowing into it.
‘SHE IS A PONY!’
Again with the self-inflicted mental turmoil, it’s becoming a trend in this place.
I made my way to the door, carefully and quietly stepping over the unconscious Fluttershy. Something told me that I didn’t want to be around her when she woke up again. I trotted down the hall.
After an embarrassing failure at going down steps with my lanky quadrupedal legs and a door knocked off its hinges in my frustration (going to have to fix that for Flutters when I’m back to normal.) I finally made it outside into the crisp morning air, the sun only just rising into the sky.
My Mission: Get to Twilight
Why: She was, admittedly, rather smart and a unicorn. Also, she offered her help if ever I was in a pinch.
I looked back at my chestnut body.
‘Yup, definitely in a pinch.’
There was the problem of communication, but I would deal with that hurdle later. In other words, it was future Stan’s problem.
After I made it out the front door and onto the path leading to town, I tried my hoof at galloping.
I was alright at the start-up, though it didn’t last long as I ended up falling off the bridge into the small stream that runs under it; leaving me with a soppy mane, a glistening coat and a severe blow to my pride as I saw my furry friend from earlier laughing his tail off.
I grumbled as best I could as a horse and picked myself up out of the water to get onto the path again. I reserved myself to simply trotting this time.
‘So this is Ponyville.’
It took me a good half-hour to get to the place; I had difficulties keeping my footing/hoofing on the uneven path. Also, on an unrelated note, due to the cool dewy air I was almost just as wet as I was when I first fell into the stream, so I was quite frigid and irritable at the time.
The village had a very Medieval look to it, with its thatched roofs and evident lack of modern technology such as cars and the like. Honestly, I found it to be quaint, like when I visited my Grandparents’ farm as a child.
There were a plethora of ponies, all of which were completely unique in their the colors of their coats and manes.
It appeared that I was about to walk through the center of the market, considering the many ponies setting up stalls and setting out their wares. As soon as I entered, every pony stopped what they were doing and stared at me in shock.
I tried to ignore the stares, but couldn’t help but notice a teal unicorn with a harp or something similar as her buttoo giving me a look with a very strange facial expression and...hearts in her eyes?
I picked up the pace of my trotting, all the more eager to get to Twilight as soon as possible.
About 100 feet in front of me was a large tree, I assumed this to be Twilight’s house based on her description and trotted to the door.
‘Okay I’m here, now what?’
I decided to just hit my head against the door as a ways to knock, screw those freaking doorknobs.
Awaiting the door to open, I heard some footsteps, yes footsteps, coming from behind it. This had me a little excited.
-Up until the point that the door opened revealing a plump little purple lizard standing on two legs, I was a little disappointed, but more so, confused.
The lizard looked at me with a strangely calm gaze before yelling over his shoulder:
“Twilight! There’s a strange looking wet pony at the door!”
There was a little bit of scuffling coming from up the steps, but soon Twilight appeared in a flash of light at the bottom of the steps. I was dumbfounded for a moment but remembered: ‘Magic...’
I stared at her and she stared at me, a look of what I thought to be wonder on her face, soon she took a step back and gestured for me to come in. I obliged and found myself to be in the massive, book-filled tree.
The lizard closed the door and Twilight walked over to him to whisper in his...ear? Wait where in the heck were his ears, are they the green thingies? Oh right, don’t question the mysteries of pony-land. Anyways, his eyes flew open wide and he ran outside. I tried to make a facial expression of confusion, but I’m sure it didn’t look any different than any other “horse face.” I don’t know whether she understood or not, but she still explained.
“That was Spike; I just sent him out on some...errands.”
She started to walk towards me, a strange and familiar look in her eye. Where had I seen it before?
She was quite a bit shorter than me, but reared up on her hind-legs, resting her fore-legs on the sides of my neck to look me in the eyes. It was then that I realized where I saw that look before, previously it was on Fluttershy when she...she...
I was hit with the sudden realization.
‘Oh f*** me.’
“Well, you are quite the strangely handsome creature aren’t you, similar to a pony yet...not.”
I did the only thing that came to mind: I reared up on my hind-legs to knock her off and after getting my forelegs back on the ground again, bucked the front door I was standing in front of as hard as I could.
It flew off its hinges and I quickly got outside.
‘Oh f*** me with a rusty metal spork...’
There surrounding the entrance to the tree was a large group of mares, all with hearts in their eyes, staring right at me. I could only guess as to why. I really should’ve thought ahead of time considering all the luck I’ve had so far.
Apparently horses are the sexiest species alive.
You know, it’s really quite amazing what you can do when under a large amount of stress and/or fear. With the extra adrenaline you can lift more, run more and even use skills you never even knew you had.
This was the first time adrenaline had ever taken over my body; me being a horse made the effects all the more prominent.
I had escaped the group of mares by jumping over the crowd and galloping off. Hell yeah, I learned how to gallop.
This victory was short lived: I, being the genius that I am, ran into the town instead of OUT of it.
Fast-forward to now, there was an even LARGER group of mares chasing me, three of which I recognized: Twilight, The pink pony; Pinkie I think, and AppleBottom.
They all had those creepy hearts for pupils and weren’t going to let me escape anytime soon, luckily they seemed to be pretty out of it, otherwise Twilight would’ve caught me with her magic ages ago.
After the gathering the group and realizing my stupidity for doing so, I finally made a break for the edge of town. There was a treeline a little ways off, and that was my destination.
I decided to take a glance back, and what I saw made my blood run cold: There, running faster than all the others was a huge red pony with a bridle around its neck; a stallion. It seemed to be more muscular and far less feminine than the others. He had a creepy smile on his face and even larger hearts in his eyes, to make matters worse, he was gaining on me.
I was not about to be caught by a gay-pony, that would be the worst possible scenario, you’ve heard those jokes about a horse’s big...
‘Oh dear god’
Putting on a burst of speed, I managed to put some distance between myself and the red stallion.
What I failed to notice was a certain blue pegasus sneaking up on me from above.
“Playing hard to get? I LOVE challenges.”
Was I the challenge that she planning to ‘Love?’
Anyways, the pegasus was literally right on my tail when she spoke, so I may have freaked out a tiny bit...
Horses tend to react to surprises by bucking, so... you can probably guess what happened.
*K-Crack!*
The little blue pegasus flew straight back into the crowd, knocking over the only other potential threat: the red stallion.
I couldn’t help but feel a little accomplished right then, but I wasn’t out of the woods yet. Or in it...Whatever.
The treeline was only 100 meters in front of me; I put all that I had into the last bit of distance.
Soon the darkness of the forest engulfed me.