I zoomed out of the metal box when a bunch of other ponies were leaving. Where are they going? Is it something exciting?
I wonder if that apple-selling filly is still playing our game of hide-and-seek. I promised her that I’d do my best, but Is she still trying to win?
Apparently, ponies leave free food and other stuff in containers outside their buildings? But most of it isn’t very good.
I also found this cool cardboard box that I can hide in and move around in! Just like that super spy from a comic book I just found!
Somepony said that I looked my special talent was event planning or catering or something because of my Cutie Mark, and offered me a job. I wasn’t paying much attention because I saw a cool bird, and I don’t know what catering is, but it sounded like fun, so I said yes!
I got these round metal things called bits! I used them to buy things and start renting an apartment. It has all sorts of fun things in it, like this bouncy bed! And those containers are called garbage cans, and you toss the stuff you don’t want in them so that somepony else can take them away!
And I can take home the leftover food from my job!
Libraries are sort of fun! They just let me read books without paying for them, and they let me take a few of them out at a time if I bring them back. And they have books to tell me what almost everything is, such as ’trains’, ’evil’, and even some myths about the Mirror Pool. But the librarian doesn’t let me have fun too loudly. Maybe I could bribe her with some cupcakes? Ponies usually like those.
I trotted out of an enchanter's shop, frowning. That unicorn enchanter was a huge jerk! He said that he wouldn’t sell me enchanted items that block magic spells because I wasn’t part of the Royal Guard. Apparently, ponies might use them to resist arrest, or try to overthrow Canterlot’s government! Even a filly could cast the spell that sends ponies back to the Mirror Pool if they knew it!
I giggled. But to be fair, I would totally resist arrest because of Twilight. She’s a ’good’ hero who kills or sends away ’evil villains’ like myself! At least, I'm guessing all of my sisters are dead by now. There’s a chance that they’re having fun under the Mirror Pool. I mean, it's really, really small, but it's still a chance.
And obviously, I wouldn’t try to overthrow the Princesses; I’m just too weak! Plus I don’t have a good reason to even try, because they raise and lower the sun, and they deal with the other ’evil villains’ that would hurt everypony, plus clones like myself.
I grinned widely, and thought of a funny joke. Because I’m the only clone left, I’m the leader by default. I can call myself the evil Queen of the Clones?
Anyway, I obviously can’t join the Royal Guard; Princess Twilight Sparkle would see me and might recognize me and get rid of me, or lock me up so that nopony finds out that she made a mistake and missed a clone last year!
I bought a dress shirt and vest and tie for my outfit, and some thick rimmed flat costume glasses! And I went to a stylist to dye my coat and mane and tail a duller shade of pink that stands out less, so that I can keep winning this game of hide-and-seek and keep having fun!
I looked at a nearby book that somepony left on a table at the library. “Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Journal of Friendship, first edition.“ She’s just telling everycreature her secrets?
After I picked it up, I read it at a table in the corner of the Manehattan Library.
I read the part about what Twilight knew about the Mirror Pool. Wow! The Mirror Pool was something that Discord created during his reign of evil, to annoy ponies and take up all their resources. If it wasn’t for the spell to send them back to the Mirror Pool, there wouldn’t be enough food left for everypony.
Hey, that mare, her friend and I were all correct! I really am evil! And annoying, too! But I do know how to have fun! I know! I should bake her a cake to apologize.
Oh, wait! That’s silly. I can’t go back to Ponyville, since that alicorn Twilight will send me to the Mirror Pool, and I don’t even know if that mare is even in Ponyville.
Years later, I visited a doctor’s office, and complained, “Hi, I'm Finger Food! Something’s wrong. And how much do I have to pay for asking?”
“You only have to pay in the Crystal Empire; the government pays for most medical expenses in Equestria. I don’t know why Shining Armor privatized health care; I think somepony must have bribed him. I went into medicine to help ponies.”
Frowning, I gestured at myself, then exclaimed, “It’s awful! It’s getting harder to trot or gallop, and I’m getting headaches! And my legs and belly are getting all flabby! “
I took a plate of leftover strawberry cake out from under mane and took a bite out of it.
The doctor stated, “Go on a diet, Finger Food, you’ll live a few years longer, unless this is an obscure condition the diagnosis spell couldn’t pick up. Eat more fruits and vegetables and hay, eat enough protein, eat fewer sugars such as sugary drinks, eat less cheese/butter, and don’t eat outside of mealtimes. Eat smaller bites. And eat multivitamins if you’re not sure you’re getting enough vitamins and minerals. Most ponies should eat around 15 times their target body weight in pounds in Calories, or a few hundred calories less than that if they're trying to lose weight faster.“
The doctor finished with a disclaimer, “But anypony should ask a pony dietician before any drastic changes to your diet. If you’re asking about the diet for anycreature else such as Griffons or dragons, then you should instead ask a dietician or doctor licensed to treat that creature, or Fluttershy, or a licensed veterinarian.”
This is the second worst thing that Princess Twilight’s done to me so far! Maybe I should start a revolt against Equestria’s government? But how?
I set down a slice of cake on a nearby counter, swallowed the rest of my cake, and nobly proclaimed, “Let them eat cake!”
Why do I keep blurting out random things without thinking? Was that a reference to something?
“Nopony’s going to force anypony to change what they eat or stop selling cake. Those are just Princess Twilight’s new dietary guidelines for Equestria. And even if they did stop selling Cake, you can always move to the Crystal Empire. They haven't changed their dietary guidelines.”
The doctor claimed, “Anyway, given your age and weight, you’ll probably die in 50 years. You'll probably live a few more years if you lose weight.”
Ponies die? For real? I thought that it was just a mean, stupid joke when that I heard Bon Bon said she was glad the rest of the clones were dead! You mean that everypony will die and I’ll die, just like that dog, and the food for the griffons and other carnivores! Is that why were all those crying ponies were outside that church looking at a fancy wooden box talking about how great he was and how sad they were that they’d never see him again? I thought that he’d just stopped building boxes and moved somewhere else!
“I can’t have any fun anymore if I’m not alive! I know! What if I decide I won’t die?”
The mean doctor said, “Ponies die. It can’t be helped.”
“Celestia and Luna have lived for at least a thousand years!”
“They’re alicorns and they’re immortal. Normal ponies like us die. It can’t be helped.”
That’s stupid. You can’t have fun anymore if you die.
I let out a contemptuous snort and yelled at that mean, stupid unicorn doctor, “Are you even trying? Twilight’s book said that she became an alicorn!”
“How don’t you know any of this? Princess Twilight Sparkle was the most powerful unicorn in Equestria, and you’re just an earth pony!”
I frowned, and repeated a phrase that I’d heard many ponies guess about me, “I was homeschooled.”
“Oh. Sorry, I’ve been having a bad day, and yelling was rude and unprofessional of me.” He walked to a stand and picked out a hoofful of brochures and held them out to me. “Here, take these brochures. Learning new things that your parents or guardians didn’t teach you should be fun.” he said, and held the brochures out to me.
I took them, pretended to smile, then exclaimed in a cheery-sounding voice, “It sounds totally fun! Apology accepted!”