Streams of Consciousness

by Chromentazol


Twilight/2: Sensation

Inside the town’s small bakery, a group of brightly colored mares listen with varying degrees of attention to the tales of their friend, a cyan mare in the process of excitedly retelling — and embellishing — her recent trip to Cloudsdale. “And then,” she loudly said while flaring up her wings, “I flew right by the stalls, straight through an opened window and across some schmuck’s house before victoriously emerging at the finish line, winning the race!”

An orange mare scoffed, rolling her eyes. “So, ya cheated. Not sure how that makes ya look good to the Wonderbolts.”

“That’s not cheating, AJ,” the cyan mare replied. “I just… Improvised a shortcut along the way. Totally fine and legit!”

“I also wouldn’t exactly call street racing ‘legitimate’, but that’s just me,” added a white unicorn as she took a sip for her tea, all the while trying not to sound or appear too interested in her friend’s story. It would be most unbecoming of a fashionista to find such joy in listening to such reckless tales… And yet, despite her uninterested front, she waited with bated breath the rest of the story.

The group of friends then began a lively debate on matters of legality, fairness and ‘awesomeness’, each of the five mares interjecting with their own opinions and ideas, cutting each other off mid-sentence, the tone of their voice growing steadily louder, teetering on the edge of a full-on dispute.

This was, for most of the mares inside the bakery, a regular Wednesday.

For one of the mares, however, things were different.

Twilight absentmindedly listened to her friends arguing all the while silently observing them, her sight jumping from one face to another. And yet, she saw nopony. Her gaze mechanically followed whoever spoke loudest at any point in time, allowing her to pretend to pay attention to the discussion at hoof. However, Twilight did not truly focus on anypony. Rather, each of her friends had turned into nothing but colorful blobs, points of empty space to blankly focus on while her mind wandered off to another place entirely.

Instead, Twilight dwelled on a singular sensation deep within her. This sensation wormed its way through her life a few weeks ago, though at first, it had been barely noteworthy. But as the days came to pass, this sensation steadily grew stronger, permeating throughout longer and longer portions of her day-to-day life. Soon, this sensation was all Twilight could truly focus on.

Maddeningly, Twilight was unable to put into words how she felt. “What’s this feeling?”, she often asked herself. Not quite boredom, nor dissatisfaction though it made her wish for something more in her life. Or, at least, something different. Once again, Twilight wasn’t sure what it was that was bothering her. Her current routine no longer suited her, but she had no idea what to change, or if she should change anything about her life. There was also a yearning, that she was certain of, but said yearning was unlike anything she ever felt. It was not a simple desire for something, or somepony. The object of her strange want (or was it a need?) was unknown to her, something yet to be revealed to her.

But who, or what, would be able to reveal the truth behind this alien sensation? Deep inside, Twilight knew that the answer was just out of reach. If she just thought a little bit harder, if she shut herself a little bit more from the world to focus inwards, then she just might be able to find a revelation. But did she truly want to fulfill this yearning? Instinctively, she knew that whatever this sensation was, it would not be beneficial to her in any way. Rationally, she knew that her current state was odd and that it would be wise of her to talk to somepony else.

And yet, a part of her had overridden her rational and irrational minds. A force that laid deep within pushed her to dwell on this feeling, to ignore everything else. “But what is it?”, she asked herself once again. And once again, there was no answer.

Twilight slumped in her chair. Her gaze finally stopped bouncing around her friends’ faces and instead wandered off toward the bakery’s windows, staring at the raindrops hitting the clear glass, at the potted plants on the other side of the window, at the mossy, wet cobblestone outside, at the ashen gray clouds over the town. Listening to the pitter patter of rain on glass, Twilight smiled. Then, she stopped. She wondered why she was smiling, just then.

Why did she suddenly feel so serene when staring at the droplets hitting the windows, then slowly sliding downward, making their way on the potted plants, on the mossy cobblestone? Why was she so… Happy?

Twilight blinked twice, slowly, methodically. She had finally figured out the first piece of the puzzle… Or so, she thought. It was more akin to a theory inside her mind, an experiment that needed to be done. She sat up from her chair, causing the five other mares to suddenly turn their attention toward the lavender unicorn.

“Uh… You good, Twi’?” Applejack asked, noticing the strange glint in Twilight’s eyes.

“Sorry, girls,” Twilight began, “I just remembered something. I have to go home… It was nice seeing you!” she said with a smile.

“Oh… That’s all right, darling,” Rarity replied casually, though her tone betrayed a hint of inner worry for her friend.

“Aww, really, Twilight? We haven’t seen you for, like, days…” Pinkie added, her mane somehow deflating ever so slightly, as if it was filled with leaking air.

Glancing at the pouring rain outside, Rainbow Dash flared her wings and stood up as well. “That’s fine, Twilight. I’ll come back later to tell you how the rest of my trip went. You’ll want to hear for sure how I dealt with those guards when they saw me sneaking into—”

“Thanks, but I’m going to be pretty busy for the rest of the day. Sorry, Rainbow,” Twilight quickly blurted out, cutting the cyan pegasus mid-sentence. Then, without waiting a second more, she sparked her horn and teleported away, reappearing seconds later inside her room.

Twilight did not want to waste any more time. She was inspired, finally able to take the first steps in understanding why she felt that way. Something was calling out to her.

Something inside the water.

She quickly trotted toward her office, ignoring the surprised look on her brother’s face after her sudden appearance. Opening the door, Twilight quickly entered the small room and locked the door behind. She had to avoid any further distractions.

Placing an empty sheet of paper on the desk and grabbing a pot of ink with her aura, Twilight then looked around the room. Grabbing multiple books with her magic and placing them nearby, Twilight felt the dreadful sensation claw its way back into her core. Her brief serene respite was already gone, but she did not care any longer.

She knew she had to take the next step now, before she forgot. Before her sudden jolt of inspiration sank to the deepest pits of her very soul, before it got drowned out by everything else.

She glanced at the shelf on her left. There, a brand-new book laid in between two large encyclopedias. This book, seemingly just out of the printing press, was familiar to Twilight. Hesitantly, she added it to the pile of books and manuscripts that would guide her research.

Twilight worked far into the night, almost completely ignoring Spike’s intermittent knocks asking if she was all right, the lavender mare barely responding enough to ensure her brother wouldn’t try entering the room or call for help.

She would not allow any additional distractions.