“Alright little doggy, I brought some medicine to make you feel better!” Fluttershy returned from her quick trip to the bathroom with the supplies needed to help the injured dog. The moment she had arrived, Jean-Augustin resumed his normal doggish behavior. He looked very happy to see the kind pegasus but nonetheless gave the two fillies a stern look, a call for action.
“Hum, Shlutterfly, I have a question to ask you? Could we, with Jean-Augustin take a visit to Celestia in Canterlot? We always dreamed of seeing the castle in real proportion!” Poh embarrassingly asked her adoptive mother, desperately trying to sound convincing.
“Oh my, I-I don’t know. It would be disrespectful to disturb Princess Celestia while she’s performing her royal duties, I...”
Jean-Augustin stared down the two fillies, begging them to try a little harder with a disapproving head shake.
“What the fuck did you just said to me you little ... hm ... hum, sorry. But why? Why not just break down the door and talk to her? It would only take like 5 minutes. I wipe her royalty duty on my ass dawg.” Poh furiously continued, as the mighty doggy’s missive couldn’t be continued.
Fluttershy gasped loudly, outraged. “Now, that is no way to talk about Princess Celestia! You-”
“Dumbass...”
The mare stopped immediately. An unfamiliar voice spoke out from behind her. But as she turned around, she only saw the stray dog smiling at her with his tongue out. “U-Um, who was that?”
“Auditory hallucination. Or maybe that was a collective hallucination. I was told so by the Great Monarch Sylvain Durif.” Bo deadpanned.
Jean-Augustin scoffed. Can’t be greater than the Great One.
“As I was saying,” Fluttershy resumed in a calmer but stern tone. “it is disrespectful to speak of the princess that way. You need to learn to respect other ponies and to watch your language especially.”
“B-b-but-but Fluttershy, you can’t even begin to fathom the emergency of the request that has been assigned on our shoulder. This is for the highest importance, and it could save many lives! We are sitting between life and death right now!” Poh added to her last objective and indeed intellectual remarks.
Fluttershy shook her head firmly. “I’m afraid not. You two have school tomorrow, remember? I’ll take care of him while you’ll be at school.”
“His name’s Jean-Augustin by the way.” Bo mentioned.
“Oh? Well, that’s a great name. He seems happy with it.”
Sensing that these two former humans won’t be able to do it, Jean-Augustin frowned and decided to do something that would forever haunt him. With a determined expression, the archangel dropped on his back and sprouted his lanky legs, revealing his genitalia that shined as bright as the sun. All three ponies stared in awe at the strange sight before them. For some strange reason, the dog had a cock ring with the letter D on it and the word Canterlot scribbled with permanent marker.
“Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Oh yes you are! Oh wait, that darn thing’s starting to raise up. Should we be concerned?” Poh happily said as she was furiously rubbing the dog’s belly.
“Wh-Why does he have...” Fluttershy muttered, horrified. “D-Do you have an owner, dear?”
Jean-Augustin frowned, staring at her with puppy eyes as he whined. It was enough to make the grown mare sad.
“Don’t worry, we’ll help you find your owner!” The pegasus reassured, petting the dog.
“Let’s start looking, dear friends at home, should we go al a derecha o al a izquierda?” Poh happily asked with a cartoon show voice character while looking into the void to a certain invisible individual.
Bo rubbed herself against Fluttershy, smiling. “Does that mean we can go to Canterlot?”
To their joy, the kind mare agreed. “It would be cruel not to help this dog find his owner. He must be so worried!” The mare was however still irked by the strange attributes of this animal. She’d never seen one with a cock ring before, much less in place of a collar.
One awkward train ride later, the group arrived at the great city of Canterlot, capital of Equestria. The two fillies were impressed by the size and beauty of this place. The buildings were made of bricks rather than wood. Everything had an air of a rich, bourgeois city. It made sense considering the massive castle was in full view wherever you were in Canterlot, a reminder that this was the place for all the rich folks.
The only problem now was to somehow find the owner of this poor dog. There were lots of ponies trotting around, over a dozen times more than in Ponyville. With only the letter D as a clue, it would be an arduous task to bring him back to his owner.
“Damn, this place is full of swines! You didn’t say this would be haughty and foot in the ass individuals. We should drink a mega pint of red wine to assimilate into the mass.” Poh said, amused.
“I’d rather take a glass of milk, no thank you.” Bo sighed, already feeling discouraged. She’d hope they could somehow convince Fluttershy to pursue their actual goal, for the one they were currently working on would be absolute torture, especially knowing that Jean-Augustin probably has no owner except for the deity he spoke of.
“Hm, maybe we should start at a pet shop, they’ll surely know who bought this dog.” Fluttershy proposed.
Wandering through the busy streets of Canterlot, the group searched for a pet shop, but sadly these were a rarity in this city. Eventually, their search came to a stop when a stallion’s face illuminated and called for them, gesturing them to come closer. He was standing in between two buildings, laying down in a relaxed posture.
“I think I’ve seen this dog before. You must be looking for his owner, right?”
Fluttershy smiled gratefully. “Why yes! We wanted to ask at a pet shop, but we can’t seem to find one. Wait, how do you know we’re looking for his owner?”
The stallion smiled back. “My friends saw y’all running around Canterlot in search of its owner. But don’t you worry, girls. I know who that dog belongs to. I can take you to him.”
“That would be very nice of you!”
Somewhat unsure, Bo Peep looked to Jean-Augustin for confirmation. The poor dog looked anxious. The canine whispered in her ear.
“Comrade, it would appear they may know about the Great One. If so, our entire plan could be in jeopardy. I suggest legal murder in that case.”
Bo narrowed her eyes. “But what if he doesn’t know about the Great One? We’d be committing a horrible crime. Either way, this seems suspicious.”
“In that case, I will protect us with my angelic power.” Jean-Augustin reassured, crossing his hind legs. “Nothing will stop us from obtaining the iron gauntlet and its amazing fingering powers.”
“We will remember your sacrifice, comrade. Rest in peace, brother.” Poh said as she was saluting and petting him for the last time.
“What are you talking about? I don’t plan to kill myself, you dimwitted evolved monkey.” Jean-Augustin reassured, albeit confused.
“I don’t know, comrade, but the stare that stallion is giving out to you is rather intense. I would recommend you to be careful and not make any mistakes.” The green filly advised.
“What do you mean? He’s staring at you three, not me. You three are all prettier than me, and female.”
“Oh wait ... Y-y-you’re right. Oh my god... Bo, can we tell Shlutterfly to leave?” Poh silently and anxiously requested.
Bo gulped. “I think we’re heading for the fun zone, and not the fun kind for us. Let’s tell Fluttershy to ditch this guy.”
But before they could say anything, the three ponies and the dog were surrounded by a group of stallions. They were also far from the busy streets. The ominous look in their eyes told them they weren’t joking around. Fluttershy noticed them at the same time, starting to feel sweat drip down her face. She had almost forgot that crimes did take place in Canterlot unlike Ponyville.
Bo gulped. “Uh, Jean-Augustin? Could you please do something about this?” But to her horror, the dog was busy sniffing some poop on the ground, thus failing to enact on his promise of defending the ladies.
“Well, shit. Do you at least have some candies, you weirdos?” Poh asked.
“No, but what we do have is whole lotta money, once we’re done robbing you.” One of the stallions said.
Fluttershy gulped as she rummaged through her saddlebag, only to come up short of bits. “Um, I-I only have twelve bits on me.”
The stallions looked rather disappointed, though that didn’t last long for he saw something else in them, something more valuable. “Oh, really now? In that case, we’ll take something more.”
They brandished clubs and before the three ponies could do anything, they were struck in the head and blacked out.
“Okay, I am done sniffing the shit so, oh...”
Once they came back to their senses, Bo and Poh found themselves in a dark area they did not recognise from the show. It was dank and hot, a temperature made even worse by their fluffy furs. Worst of all, they were practically glued to one another, face-to-face. Their forelegs would not move, and their hind ones struggled to even get up. As their vision got clearer, they realised they were staring each other dead in the eye. Their captors tied them together, and in a rather uncomfortable and rather ... gay way. Their muzzles were touching almost to the point of looking like they were kissing.
“Get the fuck out of my view, Poh.” Bo groaned.
“I'm basically booping you indefinitely Bo.” Poh mention, amused.
The two friends looked around but couldn’t make out much in this darkness except for the dimly lit lantern looming above them.
Bo sighed. “Welp, we’ve been kidnapped... There’s a first time for everything, ay?”
“Damn, that look exactly like my bedroom in my mother’s house! Yeah, fuck that bitch dawg. Anyway ... Oh wait, where’s Shlutterfly? Where’s our new mother-in-law?” Poh panickily questioned whilst her eyes darted around the dark room.
Bo inched to the right, noticing the still unconscious body of their mother-in-law. “Right behind you, dude. Um, we should probably find a way to escape. Do you know where Jean-Augustin is? I can’t seem to find him.”
“He’s a dog dawg. He’s probably still sniffing that shit stains on the floor. Our best option would be to wake up Shlutterfly. Maybe she can call her friends or something? Have any ideas to wake her up?”
“Use your tail to tickle her or something. Mine’s too short.” Bo said as she wagged her tail around.
“Aha! Lame. Ok let me do it.” Poh repeatedly move intensely her tails tried to reach Fluttershy with her tails, but with no success.
“Oh fuck. I reckon if this goes on any longer, I might just get horny.” Bo grunted, sweating just a bit for now. “I’ll have to use you as leverage to jack off. So, uh, we don’t want it to come to that.”
“...What the fuck is wrong with you?” Poh asked, rather disgusted and horrified by the darkness of that sentence that came out of her supposedly best friend she didn’t recognize anymore. Well, not that she was any better! (Can’t believe you’re calling me out like that, bud.)
“God, I’m already thinking about fucking my ponysona, we gotta make a plan, now!”
Then, as if on cue, the pitter patter of four little paws caught their attention. From the abyssal darkness of the room, Jean-Augustin arrived. Salvation came in the angelic form of a battered dog.
“Jean-Augus-!”
The archangel stopped by first to sniff some excrement before standing up on his hind legs like a human.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me...”
Clearing his throat, the dog came to reassure them. “My compatriots, this situation is of most dire circumstances. I have come to free you from theses chains so that we may resume safely our quest for the iron gauntlet.”
“Dude, just shut the fuck up and do it already! I can’t feel my legs because of that fat fuck.”
Jean-Augustin stared at what was keeping these fillies tied up. Chains, not good; these are sturdier than ropes. Luckily, he had an idea. The dog whipped his willy out and began to pee on the chains.
“Dude, what the fuck!” Bo shouted, undignified.
“My corrosive pee will wither away the chains until they are weak enough to be broken. I know that for a fact because pee is naturally acidic. I saw a guy do that in an anime before and it worked.”
Poh jerked back as much as she could. “Dude, the only thing you are corroding with that shit is my nose. Get that shit out of here and find a tool or something!”
Jean-Augustin had no piss left in him and sadly, his idea did not work. “Hm, we must wait until I need to relieve myself again.”
“No!” shouted Bo. “Get like a saw or something and cut these chains off!”
“Alright then, I wil-” The archangel sporadically returned to his natural dog state, sniffing the poop on the ground once again.
A soft groan emanated behind Poh. Their mother-in-law had awakened! But sadly, it meant that they no longer had the support of Jean-Augustin.
“M-mo-mommy? Do you know where we are and how to get out of this creepy and unfriendly room we are trapped in?” Poh anxiously asked her mother.
Fluttershy’s eyes opened slowly, confused by the lack of light in the area. As her vision became clearer, the mare tried to leave the uncomfortable position she was in only for her body to refuse. Surprised, she looked down and saw the chains restraining her. It was then that the memories of what had just happened resurfaced. She had been kidnapped with those two fillies!
Scared out of her mind, she began to hyperventilate, her eyes darting around uncontrollably.
“Wha-huh, wh-wh-where are we?” She muttered through her shaky lips.
“Does it really matter? we are still chained anyway, mommy! Do you know a way to get out of theses infernal chains?” Poh asked, thinking she was about to pull off a cutter or something.
“What do they want from us? They did say they wanted something... ‘more’.” Bo added, scared of the implications.
Sadly, Fluttershy seemed to be unable to help at the moment, too scared by the situation to think of a way out. Bo’s mention only made her fears worse as all sorts of terrifying scenarios played in her head.
Without the help of their archangel friend and the kind mare, the two fillies were essentially at the mercy of a band of sketchy stallions. Not good.
“Aergh! Hgn! Ugh...” A familiar voice echoed behind Bo.
“W-Wh-Who's there?” Fluttershy quivered, shaking like a leaf.
“Oh no ... Could it be? I think he’s here to save us all!” Poh said, all excited for she knew who it could be. Her new best friend was finally getting to work on saving them!
“Who-”
“Jean-Augustin.” Bo responded dryly. “Our dog is a little bit special as you’ll see.”
“Ugh... O-Oh, oh fuck. Aergh!”
“Yeah ... And I don’t know if the moan and groan is to help us in that current situation.” Poh added.
Fluttershy blinked, confusion slowly overtaking her fear. “H-He doesn’t sound like a dog. I-Is it normal that he sounds more like a... pony?”
“Oh yeah, absolutely. Jean-Augustin wouldn’t be Jean-Augustin without his voice.” Bo smiled confidently. “He’s going to save us, I hope. I mean it sounds like he’s doing something important.”
“He’s the archangel of the Great One, after all.” Poh rationalized.
“And you didn’t tell me he was special like that because?” Fluttershy asked, intrigued.
Bo looked behind her to see the archangel, but he was hidden in the darkness. Only his voice could be heard. “He doesn’t want ponies to know about this little secret, but I guess he’ll make an exception for you.”
“Haïïï!” Jean-Augustin screamed. His voice sounded like he was in pain accompanied by a strange metallic banging and yet, he continued.
“Oh my, I’ve never heard of a dog that could talk. Gosh, this is so exciting, b-but, um, are you sure he can save us?” Fluttershy continued. “Maybe he can leave this place and call for help since he can talk.”
“I have all but confidence about my prophet, my faith of this angelic and mystical animal is no doubt well placed.” Poh reassured.
“Yeah, just ask him if you’re worried.” Bo suggested.
“Okay, um... J-Jean-Augustin? Can you help us, please?”
The lights suddenly turned on. The bright flash blinded the three ponies just as they turned to look at their doggy companion. As the flash of light dissipated and their vision adjusted to the new lighting, they finally got to see what the archangel was doing all this time.
Lo and behold, in the corner of the room, with his back turned to them, Jean-Augustin was beating the living shit out of his ball sack with an iron bar, shouting profanities in his moment of agony. Eventually, he stopped and dropped the iron bar on the ground with a loud clang. He turned around and proudly showcased his testicles to the shocked mare who closed her eyes.
“Dear comrade...” A long silence took place, justified because of Jean-Augustin's obnoxious pain he had between his legs. “Behold the power of an archangel! The strength and resistance of my own testicles shall open you free to thy metallic imprisonment you are part of.”
“Oh my gosh...” Fluttershy muttered in disbelief, feeling like she was going to pass out.
Bo snickered. “Yeah right, how are you gonna help us with cock and ball torture?”
Jean-Augustin stood above her, his mighty testicles inches away from the filly’s disgusted face. “I have powered up my balls and now, I will destroy thy binds.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
With one powerful teabag, Jean-Augustin smite the chains that bind the two fillies together, shattering the chains effortlessly. The two former humans stared in disbelief at the massive balls of the dog. “Indeed, I have balls of steel.” he added as he banged on his testicles, to which they produced a metallic clang.
“Hum ... so I don’t know if I'm glad to be free or sad because I would wish to rewind that moment in slow motion. Just curious.” Poh commented, sad by the rapidity of the execution.
Fluttershy was on the verge of passing out after seeing something she never thought she’d ever see with her own two eyes.
“Do not be afraid, Fluttershy.” Jean-Augustin reassured as he patted her head. “My balls shall not touch thy face.”
After what seemed an eternity, all the ponies were free from their metalic chains. Fluttershy took some time to process what had just happened, still troubled by the images now forever etched in her mind. But she was at least thankfully that Jean-Augustin saved them from a terrible fate. Now, they were slowly investigating the environment. The room was filled with crates, some open, others closed. They had all sorts of content ranging from iron bars to broken vases. It seemed like these ominous stallions only care about lining their pockets.
“Gee, think they were gonna sell us as slaves?” Bo asked curiously.
“What do you think they were going to do? Do you think they capture us and tie us up only to ask our opinion on Ponyville’s weather or perhaps Rarity’s boutique? If so, they both suck.” Poh angerly answered to her friend that didn’t seem to comprehend the seriousnesss of the moment.
Bo frowned, facehoofing. “I don’t know, there are other reasons why you’d want to capture a pretty mare and two little fillies. There isn’t a clear answer all the time.”
“Maybe sells our organs and some plasma on the side? I heard its expensive nowadays.” Poh continued, intentionally ignoring the more logical answer.
“Girls, please!” Fluttershy puffed, feeling dizzier by the seconds with the situation at hoof. “We need to find a way out of here, then we need to tell the royal guard about these bad stallions before they hurt anypony else.”
Jean-Augustin raised a paw. “I will try to pick the lock on this metal door with my iron cock. It will be excruciatingly painful, but I will manage for I have a lockpicking skill of 100 on Skyrim.”
“Hey girls! I found a clue written below that table. Oh wait, that’s an old gum. Ew. I wonder if it's still fresh.” Poh put her face forward in an attempt to consume the old and rancid candy.
Just then, the group heard the clopping of hooves above them heading straight for the metal door that separated them from freedom.
“Last one alive lock the door!” said one of the voices from the other side, rapidly approaching.
“Oh shit, what do we do? We are doomed! Fluttershy? Jean-Augustin? Pwease do something!” Poh anxiously asked to those around her, as she was having a panic attack on the corner of the room.
“Fear not.” Jean-Augustin announced confidently. “I have trained in the martial art of balljutsu and have over 100 confirmed kills. I will take care of these disbelievers.”
The door was unlocked and thus, the kidnappers came pouring in. They stopped to watch in awe as their captives somehow freed themselves. Moreover, there was also that bizarre dog standing on his hind legs.
“He’s pulling his cock out!” shouted one of the kidnappers.
“Get them! We can’t let ‘em escape!”
Jean-Augustin stretched his legs, bracing himself for the incoming fight. “Hyeh he he he, it’s like Christmas morning...”
The first stallion, an earth pony, charged him to which the archangel responded with a pelvic thrust. The pony’s cranium cracked upon the impact, unable to leave even a dent in the dog’s balls. Discombobulated, he was unable to defend himself from the dog’s cock slap. Lights out for this guy as he fell with a fracture to his skull.
“I can do this all day.” Jean-Augustin said, straining his voice a bit as he stretched his legs outward to give his balls some air to breathe.
Flabbergasted, three other ponies chose to go all at once, now fearing the dog’s manhood. They split off and circled the archangel, opting to attack him from all sides. Jean-Augustin wasn’t afraid, he instead smirked at their foolish idea of a strategy. Too basic, too easy to see coming.
The stallions rushed him, but the dog was one jump ahead of them. He leaped above their foolish charge and poked one of them in the eye with his iron rod. Then, he followed this attack with a pelvic thrust in his ribs, cracking them.
The pony fell to the ground, spitting some blood as his eyes teared up from the pain.
“Unbeliever, you need medical attention.” Jean-Augustin mocked.
The other two stared in awe, now feeling nervous. They were all scared but one, the unicorn in the back who glared at the archangel. “Enough jerkin’ around! I’ll teach you not to mess with our business, dog.”
“I will teach you to believe in our lord and savior, Dis-The Great One.” Jean-Augustin took on a praying mantis stance which led to believe he would use his paws for once.
The leader levitated some iron bars and threw them at the archangel. Big mistake, for he had practiced his balls to withstand the pain of being struck there by metallic objects. Grabbing the bars (with his paws mind you), he used them to deflect the incoming shards of broken vases thrown his way. He juggled the bars around his body to shield himself from the various attacks of the unicorn and kept on going until the levitated objects lost all their steam.
The leader was out of breath, struggling to keep his weapons in the air. His leg gave under the pressure, and he fell to the ground, looking up to see the ominous silhouette of his adversary. “J-Just... what are you?” He asked in disbelief.
“Macaque et creeper.”
Jean-Augustin teabagged the leader until he was knocked out. Blood poured from his cracked skull, dripping from the balls of the archangel. “Hmm, my balls are now dirty...”
A faint breath caught his attention. The two last stallions were curled up in the corner of the room, shaking like leaves. It would appear there are still some unbelievers left to correct. But just as Jean-Augustin stepped in to finish the fight, he crumbled to the ground, holding his balls in agony as tears rolled down his eyes.
“Shit, it fucking hurts...”
The two stallions stared at each other incredulously, eventually deciding to get the fuck out before trouble comes.
Fluttershy and her two fillies were shocked by the dark and violent twist the event turned on. They couldn’t believe it! Jean-Augustin the dog knocked down 3 earth stallions and intimidated two others only using his mighty balls of steel. Duke Nukem would be proud.
Poh slowly and quietly walked in front of one of the unconscious corpses and spat on his forehead. “Fuck the fuck off, you fucking fuck nugget fucker, fuck you!” Poh aggressively shouted. “You ain’t gonna have this piece of art right here!” As she was proudly teabagging his face.
“... Oh, hum sorry mom, I just forgot about my promise.” She said in a lower tone and looking on the ground, aware of the parental responsibilities of her new mother-in-law, more particularly about the vulgarity of her language.
“U-Um, you really need to watch your language.” Fluttershy sternly said, albeit still lost and confused at the fallout of her rescue. She was concerned for Jean-Augustin, but also somewhat scared of what he just did whilst being concerned for the wellbeing of the two fillies. She just didn’t know what to think no more, man!
“Wow... well, that was something.” Bo affirmed, staring absently into the void.
“My balls...” The archangel whined, clutching them with all his might as he continued to cry on the floor.
“Oh, your poor wife, if you have one that is.”
“Yep, I guess. But, actually, what the fu... hay were we doing in the first place?” Poh asked, confused.
“To find his owner?” Fluttershy answered hesitantly.
“N-No.” Jean-Augustin protested, gritting his teeth. “You must find the iron gauntlet. It is... kept in Princess Celestia’s castle. Only the gauntlet may save humanity and my master, not that you know of them miss Fluttershy.”
“Yeah, we will explain that to you later. In the moment, we still have the quest of the mighty iron gauntlet!” Poh happily exclaimed.
Fluttershy blinked. “Uh, okay, I guess. We have come here to help you, Augustin so, um, we’ll see if we can ask Celestia about the gauntlet.”
“Alrighty then!” Bo exclaimed. “Let’s get the hell outta here!”