//------------------------------//
// Interlude 1: "Where Do Ponies Go When They Die?" 
// Story: Human 
// by DannyJ 
//------------------------------//

"...First, what is going on?"

"I told you. You're dead. This is the afterlife. And I'm God."

The human was deadly serious as he told the now deceased Princess Celestia the grim news. It seemed almost surreal to be told this.

"You are not God!" Celestia replied with an amused laugh.

"Blasphemy. You're lucky I don't cast you out or smite you or something."

The princess backed away from this, no longer laughing. First remained just as serious as ever.

"The bottom line is," he continued, "Your life ended about five minutes ago, under the ministrations of my father the Second."

Celestia frowned, remembering the event clearly. He was right. Second had killed her. She remembered it vividly.

"Yes..." she said sadly, "He...I remember now..."

Now it was First's turn to frown.

"You ruined the sequence," he said simply.

"The what now?"

"You skipped your next line, and ruined it. I wanted to do this Q reference properly. None of the other ponies I've had in here for one thousand years knew me sufficiently to do this scene right, and then you come along, the one pony who could possibly have the good knowledge to question my Godhood and make the comment about the universe not being so badly designed, and you fuck it up."

First turned away from her in a huff.

"Honestly princess, do you WANT to depress me? Because that's what you're doing."

For a moment, there was just awkward silence. Celestia broke it with a question.

"What are you?"

First turned back to her, giving her a half smile.

"The next tier, princess. If you're the God of Equestria, then let's call me the Elder God."

"Elder God?"

"Our origin lies outside your reality, but yours is rooted firmly in our design. Humans made an entire universe, completely by accident. We didn't know we wielded such power. The multiverse is a big place though, princess. Everything we decided, it became so, here. Not just what we wrote or drew though. Even the words of the creators shape your reality."

"Words of the creators? You're talking about writing and drawing. Tell me - What are we exactly? How were we created? Your father never told us. He just dangles the information over our heads with claims that we can never understand. Can you please explain to me what it is he's so determined we never know?"

There was a pause, as First looked off to the side, seemingly staring into the endless mist.

"Princess, do you know that I really do respect you?"

"But..."

"No really. I genuinely do. I know I may not have shown it during our lives, but my heart always went out to you. So often were people caught in cries of 'tyrant' and 'troll', that they would sometimes forget that was their own cynicism and dark sense of humour talking. The creators didn't make you to be either of those things."

"What did they make me as then?"

"A good pony Celestia. I sometimes think we forgot just how good you really were."

Lord First turned to face her properly again, now looking much sadder.

"But you know something? I believe in you. I believe that you're a stronger mare than that. I think I can trust you with the information, and I can trust that you won't go mad from the revelation. What makes me hesitate to tell you, is that even if you don't go mad, this will change you."

He looked sternly at her.

"Celestia. Do you love your subjects?"

The princess was surprised by the question.

"Of course I do! Every single one of them!" she replied.

"Do you care for them?"

"Yes!"

"Would you love and care for them, no matter what they were? If they were all little more than roaches, but were still the same inside, would you treat them any differently than you did before?"

Celestia hesitated for a second, but nonetheless replied with certainty.

"No."

"I ask you princess, because if I tell you everything, I could change the way you look at your little ponies forever. I don't want you to ever stop loving them, because they need you to. Equestria simply couldn't survive you forsaking it."

The princess became angry.

"I would NEVER do such a thing! I will always care for all my subjects, no matter what they are!"

First smiled warmly at her and held out a hand to her.

"Then come with me Celestia," he said, "Let me share the secrets of the Elder Gods."


***


Second lowered the gun. The corpse of Princess Celestia of Equestria fell down unceremoniously, left in a bloody heap just in front of her throne. Everyone in the room stared with wide eyes and open mouths. Luna was just crying silently. Second ignored her and reloaded the gun.

"That was very therapeutic," he said, "I for one feel much better now."

He turned to face the rest of the room.

"Now, if the rest of you don't mind, I will be leaving now. I have an apocalypse to plan. Luna, I'll be back in five days to plaster your brains over the walls as well. See to it that you're prepared when I come. Let's go Sliske."

Second threw the shotgun into his left hand and snapped his fingers with his right. The moment he did, the magic restraining bolt around Lady Arcane Arts' horn popped and flew off, freeing the possessed mare and the alien living in her head. Sliske stepped forward gingerly, nervous of the guards all around him.

He looked about at the accusing glares of the other ponies there, his gaze finally meeting Broad Sword, who was cuffed at the hooves and being watched by Captain Chain Mail.

"Doc? You're not leaving are you?" he said sadly.

"I'm sssssssssssorry, I really am."

"Come on doc! You know I'd never turn my back on you!"

"Broad Sssssssssword, we've only known each other for a day."

"Yeah! But we're still friends right? Friends stick together! Second isn't your friend, and he just killed the princess! Going with him can only lead to trouble."

"You betrayed the princcccccesssssssss jussssssssst by hossssssting me."

"Never! I'm always loyal to the princess!"

"My goal wassssss to posssssessssssss the princccccesssssss. We were working againssssst each other. You could not possssssssibly have remained loyal to the both of usssssssssss. If it came down to it, who would you have chosssssen?"

"I could too have remained loyal to both! I could have just refused to choose."

Sliske paused.

"You are ssssssssomething ssssssspecial Broad Sssssssword. I find your dedication touching."

"Please don't leave doc. You'll end up regretting it."

The crazy snake alien sighed loudly, and turned to face the human.

"Sssssssssecond, can we do thisssssss another time?"

Second raised an eyebrow.

"Found another outlet for your perversions, have you?"

"I don't even like poniessssssss!" Sliske protested.

"And yet you like humans?"

"What do you want? A sssssssigned apology? It'sssssss your fault for walking on two legssssss all the time."

"...What a weird thing to be attracted to."

"I don't have to jusssssstify mysssssself to you!"

"I would argue that you do."

"Well I don't. Sssssssssscrew you."

Second shrugged.

"Alrighty then. Do whatever you want. But be warned that you no longer have my protection, from either the authorities here or the zombies that will be here later. You're not going to enjoy that, trust me. Do you know what happens if your host dies with you still inside?"

"No. That'ssssssssss never happened before."

"Well, I actually do know, and believe me, it's not pleasant."

The human slung his shotgun over his shoulder and walked across the large chamber towards the exit, a casual swagger in his step. Half way between him and the door though, a pony ran out in front of Second to block his exit.

"No!" said Captain Chain Mail, "You're not leaving! You don't get to just waltz in here, kill the beloved ruler of Equestria, and then just walk out! Surrender right now, or I swear I will gut you like a fish!"

To punctuate his threat, the captain reached to his side and pulled out his sword. It wasn't exactly an effective weapon, but for some reason that blade kept bringing him good luck today. Second smirked slightly at the sight of the pony in his way. He held his arms out either side of him confidently.

"Go on. Try it," he dared.

"I can hit you, remember? I'm the one who stabbed you this morning. You seemed pretty freaked out at the time. Do you really want that to happen again?"

"Oh, I am so fucking scared," the human replied, "Yes, I do remember. You can actually hit me. Big deal. This isn't the climax, so you can't do shit to me yet. We're at the low point of the story where all the talky stuff happens, but you need stuff to talk about, like dear old Celly's death. I think I still have enough fight in me to kill a few innocent bystanders to generate conversation though. If you want to fight me, in the middle of this crowd of innocent ponies, who could easily be killed by a stray attack, by all means try it. Lord knows I don't care anymore."

Chain Mail hesitated. The human just rolled his eyes at the pony and walked past him, pushing the captain aside unceremoniously.

"See you later Humanborn. Good luck with your training, and my sympathies for your loss."

Second walked through the doors, turned to the side, and disappeared into the castle beyond, leaving the throne room in silence. Chain Mail dropped his sword, which clattered loudly onto the floor. The other ponies in the room seemed to begin to silently whisper to each other. Over by the throne, Luna laid on the ground next to her sister and covered her face with her hooves.


***


Celestia and First walked through the mists together. The chill air and the cold stone beneath the princess's hooves gave the whole place a feeling of emptiness and solitude. She wanted to ask about it, so very much, but it just seemed inappropriate to break the silence as the human lead her through the white void.

They came to a stop. First raised a hand and snapped his fingers. Celestia almost had to recoil as a sudden wind blew through out of nowhere. Within moments, the wind died down again, and the mists had disappeared with it, leaving behind an entirely new landscape. Celestia's eyes widened with shock as she saw that the two of them now stood atop a large cliff, overlooking a lush green valley.

Below, grassy fields stretched out for miles. Trees and flowers and bushes of many exotic varieties were scattered around, and the fields were dotted with large hills and small wooded areas. A river ran through the valley as well, twisting and turning all over the landscape and forming into a lake or waterfall at points. What caught Celestia's eye the most however, was not the land that laid before her, but its inhabitants. Spread out across the valley, covering it almost end to end, laughing and frolicking, were billions upon billions upon billions of ponies.

The vastness of it all was too much to take in.

"I..." said the princess, "I can't..."

She was breathless. First gave her a wry smile.

"It's my greatest work," he said, "A project I spent all of twelve minutes on. This princess, is the afterlife. Well and truly. My father has a great hand in earthly matters. The majority of his power rests in his influence over world building, over the cosmos, and over certain individuals that you may have clashed with. Me? My power is that over the pony afterlife. This is my domain, and where I am strongest."

First snapped his fingers again, and a pitcher of water and two glasses appeared to his left, floating in the air. He grabbed a glass out of the air and held it up, while the pitcher poured water into it for him.

"Drink, princess?"

Celestia grabbed the other glass with her magic, as the pitcher poured itself for her too. First downed his glass.

"Basically, you could say that I became God in the conventional sense. You're impressive princess, don't get me wrong. You've got the power to back up your title, but you don't really get the full scope of Godhood. I on the other hand deal with all that. The spiritual immortality, the power over creation, the power over the afterlife, and yes, even prayers."

He tapped the side of his head.

"I can hear them all up here," he explained, "Not that they're mine of course. Ponies consider you to be their God. You can't hear their prayers though. You aren't psychic. That means all your mental fan mail gets redirected to me, strangely enough. At first it was like having a thousand angry bees in my head, but after a thousand years, I gradually learned to sort through it. Now it's just a low buzz, and I can concentrate on and answer individual ones. With some help of course."

The princess gulped down her drink in a single swig. First snapped his fingers again to make the glasses vanish.

"If you look down there, you'll see every single pony who ever lived. If you move into the valleys beyond here, you'll meet every griffin, every manticore, every zebra, and every dragon. Well, almost every dragon anyway. Only the pre-Eclipse Crisis ones ended up here, obviously. The rest of them are right where you left them."

First looked sideways at the princess, giving her a dark look. Celestia shuddered as she remembered the event he was referring to.

"Nevertheless," he continued, undaunted, "Everypony who dies ends up here. And from my death onwards, everypony who arrives here meets me in the mists before I escort them in, as a kind of tradition. This place is based on some ideas of another afterlife that some humans believe in. 'I will walk through the valley of shadows', they say. That's a famous quote from a human holy book. Some take that to mean that the path to Heaven means you have to walk through Hell first. Those mists back there? That was Hell."

Celestia just remained silent. She looked over the valley below, and at the happy faces of all the ponies down there. She tried to see if she recognised any of them.

"Would Twilight Sparkle be down there?" she asked.

"No."

Celestia looked at First with surprise.

"She didn't stay," he explained, "Her and the rest of the elements took up residence elsewhere. You won't find them in my afterlife. They became part of a different one."

"What do you mean by that?"

First shrugged.

"I don't know."

"First..."

"I mean it. I really don't know. This isn't like what my father did, where he knows the answers and just chooses not to tell you. I genuinely have no idea where their spirits reside. I can see everything that happens in the mortal world, and I can feel everything that happens here, but they're in the space between both. I can find no trace of them."

Celestia paused.

"Lord First, this is all very interesting, but it doesn't answer my question. What is our true nature? What was it that you and Lord Second were so desperate to hide from us?"

First looked at her briefly, and walked over to the very edge of the cliff. Suddenly, he called out across the valley, in a loud and booming voice that dwarfed even Spike's and Luna's Royal Canterlot Voice combined.

"CALLING COLGATE."

There was a flash of light nearby, and a blue unicorn with a mane evenly split into white and blue sides stood next to them. Celestia noticed that she had an hourglass cutie mark.

"You called my Lord?" she asked.

First turned back to Celestia.

"This is Colgate. She was a citizen of Ponyville over one thousand years ago, and personally knew your student Twilight Sparkle in those days of her studies on friendship."

Celestia blinked, not entirely sure what the purpose of showing her this pony was. Before she could say anything though, First turned back to the cliff top.

"CALLING BLUE MANE."

There was another flash of light, and suddenly a second unicorn appeared next to them. Princess Celestia had to do a double take. This one was EXACTLY like Colgate, right down to the cutie mark, but she lacked the white parts of her mane. Other than that though, they could have been twins.

"Blue Mane, do you and Colgate have any relation at all?" First asked.

"No my Lord," they both replied in unison.

Damn that was creepy. Lord First looked over his shoulder back at the cliff edge.

"CALLING BRIGHT SMILES."

A third unicorn joined them. This one looked just like Colgate, but she had a different cutie mark, this time one of a wagon wheel.

"CALLING WHITE MANE."

A fourth unicorn. This one was Blue Mane again with white instead of blue.

"CALLING ROMANA."

A fifth unicorn. There wasn't even any difference this time. This one was just Colgate again.

"CALLING WINTER BLUE, ICEY BLUE, AND DESPERADO."

Three more ponies joined them, and this time they weren't all unicorns. One was an earth pony and one was a pegasus. Other than that, they were still identical to Colgate. The third one was still a unicorn, but this one was wearing a hat, and in fact had that same hat as her cutie mark. Celestia was just staring in silent shock at the large collection of nearly identical ponies.

First stepped in again.

"Just to clarify, none of you have ANY relation at all?" he asked.

The answer was a universal 'no'.

"Dismissed."

The ponies turned to all leave again, most of them teleporting or flying away, except the one earth pony who stumbled around for a bit, before remembering that she arrived by walking up a large set of stone steps and leaving to find those steps again. Once they were alone once more, Celestia looked to the human again.

"What was that?" she asked.

"That was me demonstrating a terrible truth," First replied, "And that terrible truth is that not everypony is special. Colgate was the original, and was designed by human hands. All the others are her knockoffs, her clones and her recolours. The truth is, that your universe exists only in its capacity to entertain humans, and the humans that made it put no effort into making them."

Celestia was horrified.

"Tha...That's terrible!" she said.

The First nodded sadly.

"And it's only going to get worse from here," he replied, "If you'll come with me Celestia, I'll explain to you the concept of the fourth wall."

END




















Author's notes:

I'm sorry. Well and truly sorry. I've been writing at such a pace for the first few chapters that I've probably gotten more than a few of you used to the concept of a story that updates weekly with over ten thousand words per chapter. Sadly, this week I couldn't deliver, and I feel like a dick. Fortunately though, it works out, because with how I planned out next chapter, these scenes here were vital, but just stuck out and clashed horribly with the rest of it, so I can take them and recycle them into an Interlude to tide you over, while also removing the problem of pacing that these created in the real chapter 6.

I read over the criticisms of my last chapter. Other than the usual grammar fixes I had to make, the most consistent complaint I heard was that the action scenes lacked an emotional aspect, and it made it hard to connect with them. I had similar though different complaints about the Spike and Second fight in chapter 4. I'm normally much better with action scenes than this, but this is my first time writing ponies, so I'm still new to it. Usually when I right fight scenes it involves guns and leet ninja skillz and robots and mutants shooting electricity at eachother, so I've still got to work on some parts. I focused too greatly on describing action and not enough on characters though, and next time I will ammend that. I can't do anything yet because there are no fight scenes in this interlude, and there won't be any more next chapter either, (probably), but I can promise you the next action sequence will be better.

I also probably won't be submitting this to Equestria Daily just because it's so short. It's hardly even worth it. I don't think I'll bother the staff on my account just yet. I'll send this in with chapter 6 when that's done. I think most of my readers are following this story through Fimfiction anyway. And if they aren't and they need the post on EqD to update to know to go here, well then they'll have a little extra surprise when they go to read chapter 6 next week, won't they?

Other than that, thanks for reading.