“Oh God, what the hell happened?”
Let’s think for a minute, what was the last thing I did? Trying to clear a building.
Why is it so dark? And why does the air smell stagnant? This is probably the nicest smelling hajji hut I’ve ever been in.
“Allen, where the hell are we?”
…
“Allen, where are we?”
…
“Allen?”
…
“Anybody?”
…
“OK, nice joke, get your asses out here now.”
…
“This is no longer funny.”
…
“Is there really nobody there?”
…
So that must mean that I’m dead, and that would make this Hell. Is that a tree? The entrance to Hell is in a forest? That’s actually really subtle.
*rustle*
“Well I guess it’s time to meet the Hell spawn.”
*low growl*
“Congratulations Satan, you’ve outdone yourself with weirdness.”
The creature that emerged from the bushes was unlike any that Jim had ever seen before. It had the three heads, one of a lion, one of a goat and the head of a dragon on its tail, this creature was known to the ancient Greeks as the Chimera, fortunately for Jim, this Chimera was not fully grown so was unable to breathe fire. Regardless of this, it was still a formidable creature.
Jim taunted the creature, goading it to attack him, “Aw come on, I’ve already got eternal torment and separation queued up, let’s get this shit started.”
The Chimera stared at Jim, a grin slowly creeping across all three of its faces. It crouched, coiled up its muscles and then pounced. Jim’s training gave him quick reflexes, which came to great use here as he had to move at his fastest to dodge the outstretched claws while still delivering a well-placed and solid strike the Chimera’s rib cage. The Chimera curled up in pain at the strike, used to having his prey run or completely cease to move from fear, he was unsure how to proceed with this new prey that actively resisted him. The Chimera adapted a different technique, he began to use the darkness and shadows to his advantage, luring Jim towards the darker parts of the forest, Jim followed as he knew he had no way of getting out of this forest by himself. Deeper into the forest, Jim began to sense more of the creatures circling around him, cutting off his escape. This Chimera, being young and foolish, led Jim across a well established path. When Jim realized this, he took his opportunity and sprinted down the path with the creatures hot on his trail. After 5 minutes of a dead sprint, Jim began to slow to catch his breath, as he did the young and foolish Chimera jumped at Jim from the side. Jim heard the Chimera at the last moment and dropped as low as he could, and avoided being tackled by the Chimera. He did not avoid the dragonhead that was the tail as it was able to bite a small piece of flesh out of Jim’s side. With the sudden addition of pain, Jim’s pupils went to pinpricks as a blood rage overtook him that he had been fortunate enough to not receive in exactly five years. He proceeded to beat the life out of the young Chimera, glancing down the trail he saw a light and began to run once more. The closer he got to the light, the more desperate the Chimeras attempts to reach him were. With a final surge of adrenaline, Jim burst out into the light and began running towards the first structure he saw, a small cottage just outside the forest. The Chimeras, having given up their pursuit at the tree line, roared in the forest with disdain for having let their prey go free. Jim slowed to a jog when he realized this and began to look around him at the vivid colors of the world.
‘Well, this is different from the entrance. Did I escape hell and now this is heaven? Oh would ya look at that, would ya just look at it, a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane, I wonder where the Centaurs are.’
“Excuse me, Pegasus thingy, but is this Heaven? Are you the Angel that’s supposed to lead me into the center of Heaven?”
Then something happened that Jim would have thought never to be possible. The Pegasus spoke.
“Oh my goodness, you’re hurt, let me help you.”
With that, Jim passed out, spent from his escape and in complete shock from the concept of a talking horse.
__________
Jim woke up in an environment that was familiar to him in his childhood, a hospital.
Well would you look at this concept, a hospital in Heaven. Jim looked down at his tan body and his hooves.
“I have hooves… I… Have hooves. WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE HOOVES?! WHY AM I SOME KIND OF FUCKING HORSE??” Jim started to struggle around in the bed, flapping his wings in the process. “… I FUCKING HAVE WINGS!! HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!”
A pale horse with a red cross walked into the room “We’re called ponies, not horses.”
At this point Jim realized that he wasn’t in Heaven after all.
“I’m not in Heaven am I.”
“No sir you are not.”
“Well then is this Hell? Because I’m pretty sure I’m dead.”
“No sir you aren’t dead, you have Mrs. Fluttershy to thank for that. She came and got us after she found you, what do you eat? You’re a full head taller than Big Macintosh and he’s the largest pony in the area.”
“Uhm, you know, a little of this, a lot of that.”
“It took a lot of Twilight Sparkle’s magic just to keep you centered on Big Mac’s back.”
James wasn’t even paying attention to the nurse, thinking to himself, ‘What the hell? There are Pegasi and non Pegasi in this world? What’s next? Unicorns?’
“Oh by the way, what is your name?”
“My name?”
“Yes dear, your name, we need it for our records.”
“Umm, James. I’ve kind of made it a point to learn the names of my nurses, what’s yours?
“My name? Oh my, it’s been so long since a stallion has asked me my name. It’s Nurse Redheart, but you can call me Red if you’d like. Oh and before I forget, the Pegasus I mentioned before, Fluttershy, she’s been waiting for you to recover with some of her friends, they would like to speak with you. I would also like to warn you, there aren’t very many stallions in this town, to be precise, you are currently one of five stallions in a town with 250 mares.”
“Are you serious? The ratio is fifty to one?”
“Quite serious, you’re going to have a lot of visitors, and a lot of ‘visitors’”
‘Wow she put a lot of emphasis on that second ‘visitors’’
“And by ‘visitors,’ you mean?”
“Mares that want you to impregnate them.”
“Wow… Is that advisable?”
“Not if you’re planning on staying. Child support and all that.”
“Alright, am I in a recovered enough state to be allowed to have the first kind of visitors?”
“Yes, we’ve never had a pony who has received the amount of abuse that you did. Some other time, I would like to ask you how you got all of those scars.”
Jim glanced down at his new body and noticed that all of the scars he had received as a human had transferred to his new pony body in all of the same places. From the stab wounds in his abdomen to the scars from bullets in his chest, everything was where it should have been. James’s study of his new body was interrupted by a pink blur darting into the room.
“HI,MYNAMEISPINKIEPIEWHAT’SYOURNAME?YOU’RENEWHERECAUSEIKNOWEVERYPONYINPONYVILLEANDI’VENEVERSEENYOUBEFORE”
*GASP!!!* “THIS MEANS WE NEED TO HAVE A PARTY!!! LEERROOOOYY!!!!!! JENKINS!!!!!”
‘The fuck was that?’
Just as suddenly as the pink pony appeared it vanished. Its disappearance was followed by the appearance of three other ponies entering the room.
A purple pony with a horn on its forehead began to speak, “Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, I am the personal student of Princess Celestia, these are my friends Rainbow Dash,” a light blue, maybe cyan Pegasus with a multi colored mane and tail “and Fluttershy,” the yellow Pegasus with the pink hair that you thought was the gatekeeper to Heaven before you were convinced that you were not dead. “Eeep.”
‘Ok, I now know for sure that I’m insane, there are unicorns and pegasi in this world, there is no other explanation to this since that nurse insists that I’m alive. Seriously brain? This is what you come up with? I am more fucked up than I had originally thought.’
“Forgive me for asking this, I seem to have sustained an injury to my head, but are you a unicorn?”
Slightly perplexed, Twilight answers, “Why yes, I am a unicorn.”
“Another question, what is the point of a unicorn?”
“You must have gotten quite a hit if you don’t know what a unicorn does, we have magical abilities that we can use on both our surroundings and other ponies if we wish.”
“So it’s a special weapon?”
“A what?”
“A special weapon.”
“What’s a weapon?”
‘Seriously brain? You create a fake world and you can’t even populate it with creatures that know what you’re talking about? I really hate your ass right now.’
“Uhh, an instrument of warfare.”
“Ohh, I read about war once, I didn’t know that they used instruments. Forgive me for judging you, but you don’t exactly look like a historian pony.”
“You... read… about warfare once…”
“Oh yes, the last war was when Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon and refused to lower the moon trying to plunge the world into eternal darkness.”
“…”
“Twi, I don’t think he knows what you’re talking about.”
“…”
“You’re really big.”
“Uhm, Dash...”
“What Fluttershy? He’s huge. He’s at least as tall as Princess Luna, and look at his wings, just one of them is as long as my entire wingspan.”
“Well I guess you’re right. Anyways, what’s your name?”
“James.”
“And where are you from?”
“Montana.”
“Hmm, I’ve never heard of that place before and I’ve read about every single city, province and country on this entire planet, so why don’t you tell us where you’re really from and why you have all those scars.”
“What is the name of this planet?”
“Equis, now answer the questions?”
“Well that explains it.”
“Explains what?”
“Why you’ve never heard of Montana.”
“And why is that? Enlighten us.”
“It’s not on this planet.”
“What? Are you like the Doctor?”
“Doctor who?”
“Hooves.”
“What?”
“Doctor Hooves.”
“Who is he?”
“He’s a colt that sometimes stays in town who once told me he could travel to different planets and times.”
“Well that’s just weird. Anyhow, I am tired, you know how it is with injuries and all, you need your rest.”
“…Fine, but I will be back.”
‘I’m sure you will.’
___________________________
“Dear Princess Celestia,
There is a new stallion in Ponyville who claims he’s not from this planet. He says his name is James and that he’s from Montana. He is a very large brown Pegasus with a brown mane and grey eyes. I may not exactly be the Element of Honesty, but it appeared that he was telling the truth. I thought it would be a good idea to let you know of his appearance.
You faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.
A/N Well this took a bit longer to put out than I thought it would. I realize that it’s just a little bit cliché to have your character attacked, but my prereader seemed to be fine with it when I pitched the idea to him. Anyways, I'll try to get these out more often but no guarantees.