//------------------------------// // Chapter 8: A Man's Place in the World // Story: Human // by DannyJ //------------------------------// "Come my children, come to me. For we shall venture into the forest deep and slay the beasts that lay there. If you follow me, you too shall find respite in the wilderness, for in amongst the Hell of the Everfree, there is that which is truly free, free from the forest itself. It is there that you will find my city, the city of the Lord, that is mighty Secopolis, capital of America. And you my citizens shall live there and prosper, and those that flock to it can enjoy a golden age, a thousand years of lasting peace, under the protection of your Gods in the Pantheon of B, and the New Human Empire." -Secopolis, from the Brotherhood of Man's holy book Golden Age. *** The ponies were speechless. The impossibility of an entire city springing up overnight was was just something that none of them could fathom. Not even Sliske, who had seen and done things well beyond the capabilities of mortal ponies, could think of any kind of explanation for this. Second had well and truly achieved the impossible. Here it was. A city three times the size of Canterlot and already fully populated by thousands upon thousands of ponies. They looked left and right as they made their way down the hillside road towards the city. Ponies pulling carts through the streets or conversing with friends by the roadside. Ponies walking into shops to buy things or telling their children off for running in the road and getting in the way of the ponies pulling carts. There were police ponies and traffic wardens, there were street performers here and there playing instruments, and up above there were pegasi clearing out rouge clouds that were congregating over some of the more built up areas. "How...?" said Soft Spoken, "I...I just don't understand...Where did this city come from?" Buckshot, their cheerful pegasus tour guide, jumped in to explain. "Well, Secopolis here was created by our mighty Emperor, Second I of America. Bein' a human, and an earthly representative of the Pantheon of B, he was gifted with amazin' powers that allow him to control and manipulate the physics of our world. Since he didn't have anything better to do, he decided to start building a home for himself. So he created the Palace of Kings." The pegasus turned and pointed a hoof in the direction of the cathedral which dominated the centre of the town. "That right there is the palace. O' course, it was only the start for him. After that, he created servants for himself to run the palace. Then he created himself some bodyguards, and then a number of general security guys, and he kept on creatin' more an' more ponies until he didn't have space for them in his palace anymore. So, he took out a pencil and created the city around the palace you see now, and filled it with other civilian ponies to make it run like a real city too. He created industry, leisure facilities, entertainment, food service places, homes for all the citizens. Hell, he created everythin' you see before you." Soft Spoken blinked. "Wait, you mean to tell me that Second just snapped his fingers and made all this?" asked Captain Chain Mail. "Ayep. I was there when he built most of it. I was one of his original bodyguards. Still am, technically, but I ain't never been called into service, on account of me only being twelve hours old." "You're twelve hours old?" said Broad Sword, "You don't look it." "Neither does Explodey," Buckshot replied. "Well why would I look twelve hours old?" asked Explodey, "I'm a real pony, with a life, and memories, and all that jazz." Chain Mail coughed. Explodey turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. "Chain Mail...Is there something you're not telling me?" The captain shifted awkwardly. "I'm sorry Explodey...We're not supposed to tell prisoners anything. Truth is...You're another creation of Second. He said so himself when Celestia interviewed him. The first time you met Second in the shack was in fact when you were born. All your memories are false. I'm sorry." The unicorn just stared at the captain and didn't say anything. He turned away and looked off down the street. "I think you broke him captain," said Gold Coin. Soft Spoken moved past the business pony and over to Explodey. "Hey! Look at me kid." Explodey looked the old butler in the eye. "Are you alright?" he asked. Explodey swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Of course I am." "I know it's a lot to take in..." "No really, I'm just fine. Give me just an hour or two to myself. I'll catch up with you guys later." Explodey turned and walked off down one of the side streets. "Wait, no come back!" Softy protested. Explodey ignored him, and slowly shrunk into the distance. "Ah wouldn't worry 'bout him," said Buckshot, "All children o' Second know their way 'round Secopolis. Knowledge of the city's layout is one of the fundamental parts of our being. That an' our unique skills. He'll find you again eventually." Broad Sword looked to the others. "If it's alright you guys, I think I'll go with him. He needs somepony keep an eye on him." "Stay with him at all times soldier," warned Chain Mail, "If something happens to that pony I will not forgive you for it." In a rare serious moment, Broad Sword saluted the captain without further comment, and made his way down the side street after the retreating figure of the unicorn. "Ahem," said Buckshot, "If we're done here, I'll show you ponies the museum, and y'all can learn all about the history of Secopolis." *** Spike landed with a thud on a hilltop just outside of Secopolis. He had seen the city from a distance while flying in from Canterlot, and was just as bewildered now as he was before. This entire city was definitely not here yesterday, and he knew because he passed by the Everfree when he was on his way to Canterlot from Pony Harbour. What was it? Illusion spell? Models? Or did Second just rewrite the book on Equestrian physics? He set the crate containing the Ferrari and his prisoners down next to him. Inside that wooden box were two of the ponies he hated most in this world, Ancient Tome and Iron Hoof, descendents of Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy respectively. It still boggled his mind that the lineage of some of his closest friends could produce these Brotherhood scum. It was like an insult to their good nature. He looked down into the city below. Second had clearly outdone himself, whatever it was he did to build all this. "Halt dragon!" Spike was startled by the sudden interruption and looked side to side searching for the source of the voice. He eventually settled his eyes on a group of four ponies just emerging from the trees to the left of him. They were all heavily armoured ponies, mostly pegasi and unicorns, and all of them had their weapons drawn. Spike had to chuckle a little at the site of that. It had been a long time since he had met a pony who posed any kind of physical threat to him. "Hello there," he replied, his voice echoing through the forest, "Who might you be?" The ponies didn't seem fazed. "We're the Knights of Man, professional dragon slayers and protectors of Lord Second! We demand your immediate unconditional surrender!" The scaly purple giant smirked at their threat. "Professional dragon slayers, huh?" he asked, "I'm really curious as to how you earned a title like that when only a single dragon has died in the past millennium, and that was at the hands of one of Celestia's royal guards several days ago." The Knights of Man looked to each other uncertainly. "We...have never actually slain a dragon before," the head knight admitted, "We were created as dragon slayers by Lord Second. We even have cutie marks of dragon slaying!" "Uh-huh," said Spike, "Professional dragon slayers who've never slain a dragon before. And for your very first attempt at it, you decided to try and threaten the biggest and most powerful dragon currently alive. You're a smart bunch, aren't you?" "Biggest?" one of the knight repeated. "And most powerful?" said another. "Yes. I'm Spike, in case you didn't notice. As in Spike the Eternal? The Light in the Sky?" The knights looked at each other again quizzically. "Oh, you genuinely don't know who I am, do you?" said Spike, "Well this is rich. Dragon slayers who know nothing about the history of the dragons. Really, this is a level of ignorance I just don't encounter in day to day life." The knight in charge appeared to become very flustered, and angrily pointed a hoof up at Spike. "This is irrelevant! Surrender immediately or face the wrath of the knights!" Spike leant down so that his face was level with the ponies. He breathed in deeply, and then exhaled a large black cloud of smoke, which sent the ponies flying harmlessly back into the forest. Spike laughed as the knights were knocked off their feet and landed in the forest beyond. He grabbed the crate he was carrying before in his right hand and lifted it up onto his shoulder. "Sorry boys, but I've got plans." *** The Secopolis Historical Museum was only a short walk from the street where they had split up with Broad Sword and Explodey, and was easy enough to spot. The building was huge, inside and out, but fortunately for them Buckshot knew which exhibits to skip so as to only show them the important stuff. Currently, they were making their way through the wing dedicated to the founding of the city. "This particular piece here dates back to two hours AF, (that's after founding), which makes it roughly eight hours old. Archaeologists 'ave examined the piece, and they all agree that it appears to be some kind of ancient building stone, possibly used in the construction of the Secopolis Cathedral." Buckshot was showing them a giant brick. It wasn't even an intact brick. It was smashed into tiny pieces. Additional details provided by the notes to the side of the display case indicated that it was thought to have fallen off the cathedral through old age. Seriously, old age? It said right there that this block of stone was freshly created hours ago! "And this over here," the pegasus continued, "Is the Declaration of Independence, signed by Second himself and stating America's independence from Equestria." The group all gathered around another display case and looked in, Mystic having to jump up onto Soft Spoken's back to get high enough to see. It was a piece of parchment, looking positively ancient despite the fact it couldn't be any older than the rest of the city really, and it was written in one of those really fancy scripts that took some squinting to decipher. It read; "Dear Equestria Fuck you. Trololololololol Sincerely Emperor Second I of the United States of America." Soft Spoken just shook his head and moved on, deciding not to question it. Chain Mail, Gold Coin and Sliske stayed to stare at it a while longer. "An' this over here," said Buckshot, "Is the Bill o' Rights, which determines the freedoms and rights of all American citizens." The earth pony raised an eyebrow sceptically, but walked over to read it nonetheless, the little blue unicorn still clinging to his neck and reading the same document over his shoulder. The new parchment was just as ancient as the declaration was, but was somehow even shorter. This one just said; "If Second says you can do it, it's A-OK!" Gold Coin raised a hoof. "I have a question," he said. "Shoot," replied Buckshot. "When are we going to actually meet Lord Second?" "I dunno. Some time after the concert I assume." "Wait," Chain Mail interrupted, "There's a concert?" "Ayep. The emperor loves to sing. So tonight there's gonna be a concert to mark the twelve hour anniversary of the city's founding, and then a follow-up concert for the twenty four hour anniversary later on. 'Course, them being so close together an' all, it'll probably just be one big twelve hour long concert with a break in the middle." "And Lord Ssssssssssecond will be performing in thisssssssss?" "Ayep. Should be beginning in two hours. Until then, I figured I could take ya to see Congress. One of the senators is challenging the president for his position today, and I wanna be there to see it." "Why would you want to see that?" asked Chain Mail, "Who wants to hear politicians bicker at each other?" Buckshot grinned. "Y'all ain't seen how we do we politics in America." *** "So," Lord First began as they approached the cliff edge overlooking the valley, "You have a very important job coming up. Your role is vital to the survival of Equestria and in bringing an end to the chaos currently occurring in it. You need to take action. I want you to kill Second." Celestia looked over at the human in shock. "But...Isn't he...?" "Celestia, think of it this way," First interrupted, "Having been here, you have confirmed proof that there is an afterlife, and that it's run by me. If you kill Second, he's just going to pop up here again, and since we're in my domain he'll be completely under my power. He's just doing this right now because he believes he has to, and because he's cracked without me there to keep him stable. Kill him, and he can be with his family again. I'll take good care of my dear old dad. He'll be far happier up here with me than anywhere else he could be." "Well...I suppose..." the princess said reluctantly, "I really hate killing anypony though! It just doesn't feel right!" "You'll be doing Equestria a favour," First replied, "It isn't like killing him will destroy him forever. You'll just be making him my problem instead of yours, and I'm far better equipped to deal with him. If it helps, just think of it as teleporting him." Celestia sighed. "Fine." "Good. Now, if you'll allow me a moment to explain?" The princess sat near the cliff edge facing Lord First, waiting for him to begin the lecture. "Before I explain to you how to fight humans, you need to understand the rules of Dramatic Convenience. In a nutshell, Dramatic Convenience, or DC for short, is the invisible force acting on your world controlled by the script writers that makes a story hold together where it wouldn't if played completely realistically. For example if a character is injured in one scene, but is needed to take part in a chase or fight a few scenes later, it will be the DC that sees to it the character is healed in time for that to happen. "Now the thing about DC is that it affects your universe internally, but the force itself and its source lies beyond the fourth wall. It is not a part of Equestria as a fictional setting, and thus is not a part of it as a real place either. Its effects however are clear and concrete, and this was demonstrated in one of Twilight's early adventures attempting to analyse and explain Pinkie Sense. She got injured badly by a falling piano during her research, but DC kicked in, and she went from wheelchair bound to running full pelt from a Hydra in a matter of hours. Similarly, it is DC which allows ponies like Twilight to sustain serious injuries like that without dying, because in the context of a fictional Equestria, that scene was played as slapstick comedy. "The thing about DC though is that it also acts to protect itself from view, because Equestria must be portrayed as being unaware of its true nature. For this reason, ponies who heal quickly and survive serious injuries thanks to the influence of DC do not notice it or comment on it unless it has an in-story explanation. However, as a writer, Second was able to spot DC in action from a mile away, and he drew attention to it. He hurt himself, DC healed him, and then he pointed out that he had accelerated healing, and that opened up a whole new can of worms called continuity. "See, even though DC's healing effects were a part of the universe, DC itself was not. The only time advanced healing or similar effects are explicitly pointed out in a story is if there is an actual explanation for it. By pointing out his healing powers, Second severed the connection to the DC, and the universe retroactively came up with an explanation for his powers, and thus Second's advanced healing became canon." Celestia put a hoof to her chin. "So...this power, this DC, originally gave him a temporary healing factor, and merely by pointing it out it to somepony it became permanent?" "Yes. This is also the source of most our other powers. Second and I accidentally injured a pony when we first came here in an over the top way that in a realistic situation, she shouldn't have been able to survive. By pointing this out, it also became canon that we had an uncanny ability for badly injuring ponies without killing them, and that was how we were able to defeat your entire army mostly without casualties." "And what about the fact that Second and you can't be hit by weapons or affected by magic?" "Same source, though this one works less on the rule of funny that the healing factor and knockout powers are derived from, and more from its darker cousin the rule of cool. Though we didn't know it until after I was already dead, me and Second were characters in a story too. Maybe Luna told you a little bit about Second ranting about invisible strings. What he was referring to, was that me and him were both characters in another episode of the show. Only, we were cast as the villains." Celestia raised an eyebrow. First just sighed. "Being a villain in MLP is something of a double edged sword. We had to be threatening and a credible threat to the Elements of Harmony, and for that reason the rule of cool made it so that when we were first attacked by the royal guards and police ponies, we demonstrated superior fighting skills by dodging all their attacks and fighting back. And just like with the healing factor, dad pointed it out, and it became cannon that we were literally untouchable. Those were the advantages. "The disadvantages however, are painful in their scale. Being the villains guaranteed that we would lose in the end, though what form that took was up for debate, and it also meant that DC would be working against us to aid the heroes in overcoming the challenge we posed. As I said, the DC was severed when we pointed our powers out, and it was replaced by in-universe explanations instead. "Now, for the healing powers, it was a biological explanation. When in Equestria our bodies change so that cells repair themselves several hundred times faster than before. For our immunity to magic, it was also biological, and it was explained that humans are just naturally magic resistant thanks to our non magical nature. The ability to beat multiple enemies nonlethally and dodge with such precision however has the in-universe explanation of us just being extremely skilled at fighting. And since the in-universe explanation is physical in nature, not some kind of mystic power, that means the ability for it to be negated is still there. "And that's what happened. Being the main characters, Twilight and the other Elements of Harmony had the backup of Dramatic Convenience, which temporarily granted them the luck and fighting skill they needed to overcome us, and thus they were able to actually hurt us in battle, whereas you failed because DC did not come to help you, because you were not the main character and thus could not be the one to defeat us." Celestia blinked. "So that's it then? I can't hurt Second because this supernatural power refuses to come to my aid?" "Yes," First replied, "Only a main character can hurt Second, and you and Luna are not main characters. You're just background ponies right now." It was a rare occurrence that the princess of all of Equestria felt humbled, but now was one of those times. She bowed her head shamefully. "So," the human continued, "I think it's time we gave you a cosmic promotion." *** Congress, it turned out, was the name of a gigantic coliseum. It still paled in comparison to the sheer size of the Secopolis Cathedral, behind which it hid, but it was still amazingly huge. Soft Spoken, Gold Coin, Mystic Chant, Chain Mail and Sliske all followed their tour guide into the arena, where they soon discovered that he had already booked seats for them along the top row. Getting up there was an awkward climb, but it was worth it for the view alone. From such a height, the group got a good look at both the central area where the action would be taking place, and of the rest of the crowded stands below them. It really did allow them to see everything. A pony passed through selling popcorn and other assorted snacks. "Can I have some popcorn Softy?" asked Mystic. The old butler gave him a half smile and turned to Gold Coin. "Have you got any bits?" he asked, "I didn't bring my wallet with me when I abandoned Sparkle Manor." His yellow earth pony reached into one of the upper pockets of his suit and drew out his own wallet, but Buckshot held out a hoof to stop him. "Trust me," he said, "Yer money ain't no good here. America has its own currency, and they don't accept bits as payment." Mystic hung his head in disappointment. "Hey, don't worry kid," the pegasus said cheerfully, "I'll pay for it just this once. I'd kinda in my job description to accommodate y'all anyway." Several minutes later, the unicorn colt dug into his popcorn, as the adults all sat together for discussion. Except for Sliske, who was his usual distant self. Must be an evil snake alien thing. "So then, tell me about Congress," said Chain Mail, "You said the president was being challenged for his position. What do you mean? What's going on?" "Well," Buckshot began, "The thing is, the United States of America and the New Human Empire are two different things. Whereas America is a country, the Empire is...well...an empire, and it encompasses multiple countries, or will once we start our conquest anyway. So though Emperor Second is the ruler of the empire, he doesn't want to be stuck running all the individual countries. So America has its own ruler who answers to the emperor only, and that is our president." "Who is your president?" asked Gold Coin. "Oh, it changes constantly," Buckshot answered, "See, what happens is that one president always succeeds the next by defeating the previous president in a death match, and the president can be challenged at any time by the leader of another party. There are various different political parties, all seeking to run things differently. If a party gets enough votes from the coliseum audience, then they send out their leader to challenge the president, and the winner's party gets to rule the country." The assorted ponies just stared at him. "That is the single worst system for succession of government I have ever heard of in my entire life," said Soft Spoken. "Yeah...It is..." the pegasus agreed, "Makes for some mighty entertaining games though. Especially since the leader of the opposin' parties are also determined by a death match. Not even just one though. It's a whole dang tournament!" Over the coliseum, a creamy white pegasus with a microphone flew out somewhere above the centre of the event and began to adjust his voice piece. "FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS," the amplified voice of the announcer called out, "WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO YET ANOTHER POLITICAL DEATH MATCH!" The crowd burst out into cheers and hoof stomping all around. "AND TODAY, IT'S THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES! WE GOT AT LEAST THREE BIG BATTLES COMING UP FOLKS, BUT LET'S KICK IT OFF RIGHT AWAY WITH RON PAUL VS. RICK SANTORUM!" "Odd names for ponies," Chain Mail commented. The two gates either side of the coliseum opened up and released the two fighters. One of them was an older unicorn stallion with thinning white hair, who was wearing a suit which covered him almost completely. Hardly appropriate for a death match. The other pony was a somewhat younger pegasus, who still wore a suit, but his didn't cover him completely, so unlike his opponent his cutie mark was visible. It appeared to be a...What was that? What even was that? Some kind of brown liquid? "So, what form does this battle take then?" asked Gold Coin, "Do they just try to beat each other to death?" "Eenope. Take a look." They were choosing their weapons now from a table that had mysteriously sprung up out of nowhere in the middle of the arena. Not just one weapon each either. Oh no. They got to have their pick of several, plus armour. The pegasus with the odd cutie mark was decked out in samurai armour and clutching a katana in his teeth, and had a belt full of so much stuff nopony could tell what most of it was, though Chain Mail definitely recognised that this guy was carrying at least twelve grenades. The older unicorn was no better, having donned a massive suit of metal armour that completely encased his entire body, with what appeared to be missile launchers attached to the back. He was decked out like a space marine. Soft Spoken covered his eyes with his hooves. "Oh sweet Celestia, I can't look." *** "There is a train, that's headin' straight, to Heaven's gate, to Heaven's gate~" Second reached over and picked up a bottle of shampoo, which he began to pour over his head. "And on the way, child an' man, and woman wait, watch and wait, for redemption day~" Suddenly the shower curtain was pulled back, revealing a teal blue earth pony on the other side wearing a suit of bronze coloured armour. He remained stoic and completely serious even as the self styled Elder God of Equestria shrieked like a little girl and fell over in the shower. The human ripped the shower curtain off and put it around his waist. "Jesus tap-dancing Christ on a unicycle!" he shouted at the pony, "This is the first time I've had a shower in a thousand years! Whatever the fuck it is you've interrupted me for, it had better be damn important, or I swear I will castrate you personally!" The pony didn't even flinch. "I apologise my Lord, but there's a rather large purple dragon in the entrance hall of the cathedral carrying a shipping crate. He claims it contains the Ferrari, the prisoners you wanted, and four of the Knights of Man." Second stood completely still and remained silent, thinking back on his life so far and wondering just how he had reached a point where that sentence made perfect sense to him and was not even the strangest thing he had heard all day. Eventually, he dismissed it like all the batshittery in his life. "Well, if he's here to negotiate, I'm the wrong person to go to. Tell him to take it to the embassy. And while you're at it, tell the embassy to prepare the dragon room." "Yes sir!" the armoured stallion replied. "Oh, and commander?" "Yes sir?" "You are banned from ever coming in here again." "Very well sir." *** A unicorn and an earth pony kept moved through the back streets of Secopolis aimlessly. Explodey had his head hung low and wasn't talking much, while Broad Sword was just trying to keep him close by and offer him words of support. Nothing seemed to get through to his friend though, who remained uncharacteristically quiet for the whole walk. "Come on Explodey," Broad Sword begged, "Talk to me! You'll always feel better if you talk about your problems. Don't shut me out. I'm here to help." They stopped in their tracks and the unicorn sighed, looking longingly up at the sky. "I just..." he began, "I can't...I mean...If I'm not real, then does that mean-" "No stop there," the guard interrupted, "Don't talk about yourself as if you're not real. You're still here, aren't you? And thinking? I mean, look at all these other ponies in this city. They were all creations of Second too, and they're obviously real living ponies. It just means you come from someplace different than anypony else." Explodey looked off to the side. "Does it though? I mean, just how real am I? I know I think I am, but what if I'm not? Maybe I'm just being projected into reality by Second? What if when we stop him, I stop as well?" Broad Sword could only smile sympathetically. "Look, if it really worries you that much, we can find somepony to put your fears to rest. Now maybe the citizens might not be any help, but I bet those Brotherhood bastards would know all about Second's powers. We could go find one of them and get some answers for you." "Speak of the devil..." said Explodey. Broad Sword turned behind him and looked skywards, where he saw a pegasus floating around looking for something. He recognised him from somewhere. "Softy claimed that the former racing champ Sun Rise was part of the Brotherhood, didn't he?" asked Explodey, "If I'm not mistaken, that's him right up there." The guard smiled darkly. "Good eye," he said, "Let's bring him down here." "Already on it," Explodey replied, a vengeance in his voice. The pegasus was startled as he was suddenly enveloped in a milky white glow. He beat his wings and tried to pull back, but was yanked hard by the telekinetic force behind the field, pulling him down towards the earth. He was moved over some rooftops on his way, and Sun Rise crashed down in an alleyway just off a small side street, and was pinned to the ground by the magic. "What the fuck is this?!" he shouted, "Whoever this is, you're dead, you hear me?! You're fucking dead!" At the end of the alley, a unicorn with a glowing white horn and an even whiter earth pony in golden armour stepped into view, both of them grinning evilly at him. "Alright you, we want some answers," said Broad Sword, putting on his best guard voice, "We want to know everything about Second's powers and the way he created this city, right now!" Sun Rise blinked. "Are you seriously trying force information out me? ME? I'm one of the High Priests of Man! I fucking own this city! You picked a bad place to try and start shit!" As if to vindicate his claims, Explodey was then immediately knocked out by a baton to the back of the head. The spell cut, and the pegasus was freed. Broad Sword turned in time to see the police pony coming at him as well and dodge out of the way, but doing so left his back exposed, and Sun Rise took the opportunity to smash a hoof right into the back of the guards neck between weak points in the armour. Unlike his friend, Broad Sword was not knocked unconscious, but the strike did completely cripple him for the time being. Sun Rise and the police pony stood above him and looked down at the fallen guard, their heads blocking out the sun. "Well, this was a stupid idea," thought Broad Sword. Those were his final thoughts before the pegasus brought a hoof down on his head and knocked him out too. *** Buckshot's tour group just stared down into the arena with wide eyes as the competitors were escorted out of arena on stretchers. Miraculously, both the senators had survived the battle, even though they had both lost limbs and gallons of blood. The senator who had used the space marine armour had paid for it with decreased mobility, and as it turned out the samurai senator’s katana was sharp enough to slice through steel. However, he paid for extra agility with lighter armour, and he hadn't survived that bombardment from the missile launcher unscathed. As it turns out, explosives hurt. "LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A DRAW FOLKS!" the announcement pony shouted into the microphone, "WE'LL HAVE TO HOLD A REMATCH LATER, BUT FOR NOW EVERYPONY GIVE IT UP FOR PAUL AND SANTORUM!" The group did not join in with the enthusiastic stomping of hooves. Buckshot was worried by this, and asked them what their problem was. "The problem," Soft Spoken replied, "Is that this barbarianism exists at all! I ought to call Princess Luna back and tell her to send the army out here to wipe this city off the map for this alone, and I don't even know what other depravity you ponies get up to here!" Heedless of Soft Spoken's words, Sliske interrupted. "Hey, do you think anypony will mind if I go down there and collect up all the leftover blood? I don't want to sssssee it go to wasssssssste." The ponies all turned to stare at him. "What?" he said defensively. "You know what? I don't care about any of this," said Chain Mail, "We're here to negotiate for peace with Lord Second. If you could please just direct us to him? These distractions have gone on long enough." The pegasus shrugged and put a hoof to his ear. "Buckshot to Bullseye, are ya there?" At first the ponies were confused about what he was doing, but then a crackling noise came from their tour guide's ear, and a voice replied. "This is Bullseye." "The Equestrians are demandin' t'see the Emperor." There was a pause. "Bring them to the Cathedral." *** Spike followed the teal blue stallion through the streets carefully. Being out in the open, he had a much easier time of getting around than he did inside Canterlot Castle, but he still had to manoeuvre carefully to avoid squishing some careless foal that wandered into his path of ponies crossing the street. "We're nearly there," the blue pony informed him. The embassy looked to be a large building. Maybe even large enough to accommodate dragons. The stallion in the armour made his way up the front steps to the main entrance, but half way there stopped to turn and look at Spike. "I apologise for the inconvenience sir," he said, "but the embassy's front entrance is not suited to your size. You will have to go to the dragon entrance around the back. There's a large section of wall there that pops off and will lead you into the waiting room. The ambassador will be with you shortly." The dragon raised an eyebrow, but did not question his fortune in finding a building actually designed with his kind in mind. If ever there once were buildings made with dragon entrances, they had long since stopped existing. With only nineteen dragons left in the world aside from him, or eighteen rather since Chain Mail killed one of them, most ponies didn't think a visit from a dragon was ever likely enough to warrant special provisions being made for them. Between the presence of a dragon door and the ignorance of the Knights of Man, Spike was beginning to wonder if Second was even aware the Eclipse Crisis had occured at all. He was trapped in stone when it happened after all, and he had only been released days ago. It wasn't beyond the realms of possibility that he had just missed that chapter of history. Spike made his way around back and found the loose wall, which moved aside obediently for him. Inside was a huge chamber with great steel walls and another dragon door inside, as well as a few regular pony doors. Though he was hesitant, he nevertheless walked into the large room and sat in place, waiting for the ambassador. He laid the crate down next to him. A quad of unicorns teleported into the room right on top of the shipping crate. Their appearance took Spike completely by surprise. He brought his spiked tail up in front of him to go on the defensive if they turned out hostile, but instead they all simultaneously lit up their horns again and disappeared, along with the crate he had been defending. Spike grinned. Those unicorns couldn't have gotten far with a crate that size. At best they could have made it to the other side of the embassy, and if they were going to try to screw him over, he had no inhibitions about destroying all of them. He turned to make his way out the door again, but it slammed shut behind him, leaving Spike trapped in the room. "Hah!" he boasted, "You ponies think metal will stop me? Nice try, but not good enough." Spike breathed in a let out a torrent of green fire, and the liquid metal began to flow. *** A series of knocks on the door caused Luna to pull her head out from under her pillow. She looked around the room miserably. It used to be her study, but after the destruction of her regular bedroom, the place was converted into a replacement, while her study was moved halfway across the castle. She groaned as she saw the saw the sunlight pouring into the room. "Come in," she called. The door opened, and Prince Blueblood entered. He had not shaven recently, it was clear, thanks to the stubble now growing around his face. He yawned. "Wotcher," he said, "Look, I 'ate to bother you your maj, but it's pretty clear you ain't doin' too well right now. Since I'm on break from royal duties now, I thought we could talk it out and stuff. Y'know?" Princess Luna smiled up at the eccentric prince. "I appreciate the sentiment Blue, but I don't think there's much you can say that would help me at all." "I could jus' listen, if you'd prefer that." Luna stared down at her quilt cover. "I miss her Blue," she said sadly, "I miss her so much. My sister and I have been together longer than most ponies live at all. I needed her. After I came back from the moon, big sister promised me that we'd never be alone again, and she'd always stay with me. We're alicorns. We don't normally die. So I believed her. I really believed she'd stay with me forever, and we'd never have to be apart again. It just hurts to think that I can't even rely on that anymore..." The alicorn planted her face down in the quilt and covered her head with her hooves. Blueblood jumped up onto the bed and sat down next to her. "Y'know," he began, "I knew this bloke called Vinny once. Short for Vinegared Chips. He and his brother Salty ran this chippie together fer years after their mum died, and said that they'd always split everything between them. They both ran the business, so they both got 'alf of everything. Then one day, burglars come around the brothers' flat and steal all Salty's cash, but not 'is brother's, 'cause ol' Vinny hid it too well. "After that, Salty was skint for a while, and he had to keep borrowing money from Vinny. 'Cause they normally split everything all even like though, and neither of them usually lent or borrowed nothin', it divided 'em a bit, and when Salty tried to take a larger share of the profits to comp'nsate for his loss, the brothers had a falling out, and Salty stormed out of the place. That was the last time Vinny saw his brother alive, 'cause Salty went out drinkin' and got into a fight with some bad ponies." Luna sat up and looked Blueblood in the eye. "Is there a point to this story, or are you just trying to depress me even more?" she asked. "'Course there is! Bloody cheek! It's that there ain't nothin' worse than partin' from this world on bad terms with the only ponies you really love, or even worse, because o' them, because then everypony involved just feels even worse for it. Celly can't reasonably be expected to never die. Not even Alicorns can resist everythin', as that mad bastard Second proved. What you should take from this, is that Celestia promised to stay with you for the rest of her life, and when you think about it, she kept that promise." Luna smiled weakly at Blueblood, and looked out the window at the blue skies outside. "What do I do now though Blue?" she asked, "Where do I go from here?" "Well, you've lived a long time. You've had mortal friends you've known all your life die on you. Hell, it'll 'appen to me one day. What do you do when that usually happens?" "...I go to Celestia and cry..." "So now, you go to one of your mortal friends an' cry." Luna grabbed ahold of the prince and hugged him, nearly choking Blueblood with how hard she was squeezing. The surprised prince's head rested on her shoulder, and the princess of the night began to cry into him. When he got some air back, Blueblood sighed and rolled his eyes. He patted Luna on the back gently, mumbling to himself. "I 'ate it when they get all weepy..." *** Broad Sword woke up feeling groggy. "Uh...where am I?" he groaned. "Church of Humanity." The guard rolled his head in the direction of the voice and saw Explodey McGee sitting next to him, bound in so many ropes that almost none of his coat was visible underneath all the brown. The ropes spread across the room like a spider web and attached to various support beams and walls. The room itself was very simple otherwise, appearing to just be a large empty hall, though the stained glass windows full of pictures of humans did make for some interesting features. It didn't take him long to discover that he too was tied up in a similar fashion. "You know," Broad Sword began, "In retrospect, maybe it was a bad idea to just randomly attack one of the most powerful ponies in the city for no good reason." Explodey nodded. "So why are we tied up to the support beams and walls like this?" "...No idea." "...Well fuck." *** Soft Spoken, Gold Coin and Sliske all stood in a line together at the bottom of the steps leading up into entrance to the cathedral, and at the top of another set of steps. Mystic Chant cowered behind them in fear, while Chain Mail and their tour guide Buckshot stood ahead of the group to greet the pony coming out to meet them. He was almost exactly like Buckshot in every way. Like they were twins. The only difference was that this pony had a scar on his right eye, and his cutie mark was a bullseye, as opposed to Buckshot who had something he called a shell for his, except it was red and looked nothing like a shell. Going by the cutie mark, the captain guessed that this was the pony who Buckshot had been speaking to earlier through the ear phone. "Emperor Second awaits you in the throne room," he said, "He is most displeased at having to deal with this personally. You ponies are unwise to demand his attention." "We'll accept the consequences as they come," said Chain Mail. Bullseye grinned evilly, much unlike the warm and welcoming smile of his apparent twin. "Will ya now? I'll keep that in mind. Better be careful making promises like that though. If Second really doesn't like you, he may just schedule you for a visit with the commander." That sounded ominous, but Chain Mail really didn't want to ask about it. He much preferred to deal with Second right now. After a few more of Bullseye's vague threats, the ponies made their way into the cathedral, passing through several rooms filled with some of the most elaborate and beautiful craftsmanship ever seen. The stained glass windows, the patterns carved into the stone, the painting on the ceiling, the tile work on the floor, it was just spectacular. Eventually, they were led into Second's throne room. It appeared to be a smaller replica of Celestia's at first, though there were of course some differences. For one the fact that there was only one throne, and the human appeared to have made the entire thing out of solid gold. He laid back in his seat, one arm laying on the armrest, and the other on his chin as he smiled at them in the way a cat smiled at a cornered mouse. The group of ponies came to a stop in front of the throne. The twins meanwhile stopped even further back, and now stood behind the group at either side of them. "Well then?" said Second, "Speak." Chain Mail stepped forward again. "We've been sent from Equestria by the princess to negotiate peace with the United States." "Uh-huh." "The Knights of Man came to our palace and said that we had to return all our prisoners and the Ferrari." "Yeah." "They should be on their way right now, being transported by Spike the Eternal." "Mmhmm." The captain stopped. The human had never sounded less interested in the situation. "...So...Do we have peace?" "Fuck no!" Second replied, "All that means is that you've given me my stuff back. Make no mistake, I still plan to ravage your entire world." The ponies jaws dropped. "My Lord...?" Everypony turned their attention to Gold Coin, who now stepped forward to speak in place of the captain. "My order, the Brotherhood of Man. We always believed that you were here to save ponykind. Did you not come from the stars to save our world from the alicorn tyrants?" "'Alicorn tyrants'? Boy, what have you been smoking? I dare say that Celestia and Luna were the best things to ever happen to your miserable little planet. I'm not here to save anyone. I'm here to fuck everything up and cause as much chaos and destruction as I can before someone kills me." Tears welled up in Gold Coin's eye, tears of a loyal follower who had just been told by their God that he didn't care about him or anyone else. And Explodey thought he had it bad being created by this man. Gold Coin had just had his faith shattered by the one thing he ever believed in. "Now Sliske," the human continued, now addressing the possessed unicorn, "I know that chaos and destruction is a big thing for you. You like that stuff, don't you? We can still work together if you want. I could always use a sidekick." "Don't listen to him Sliske," said Soft Spoken, "You know you can't. That man is nothing but trouble. We need you for this." "Of course," Second continued, "I could always find a better body for you in exchange. That unicorn mare you're in now is probably dying of old age even as we speak, and besides, she's one of the Brotherhood. They're followers of mine. It wouldn't be nice to just steal her body permanently now, would it?" "Sliske..." said Chain Mail. "How about this instead?" Second snapped his fingers, and next to him a new pony appeared, a huge white alicorn with a mane of fire, pupil-less eyes and no cutie mark. She stood there completely still save for her breathing. "This is Host," the human explained, "She has no higher brain functions at all and all the power of the princesses. How about it Sliske? You always wanted an alicorn host, didn't you?" Sliske was quite literally watering at the mouth now. "Ssssssssshe isssssssss perfect..." "SLISKE!" Chain Mail shouted, "SNAP OUT OF IT!" The possessed unicorn looked in surprise at the captain, and then the rest of the ponies in their group. An angry look crossed her face, and Sliske turned back to Second. "No." "What?!" "No. Thisssssss isssssssss a trap. You sssssssay ssssssshe hassssss no higher brain functionsssssssss, but I bet you sssssssssstill added ssssssome memoriesssssssss, didn't you?" "Huh?" said Mystic, speaking up the first time in the conversation, "Why would that matter?" Sliske turned to face the little blue unicorn. "Becausssssssse my racccccccce are born without persssssssonalitiessssssss of our own. We develop them basssssssssed on the hosssssssssstssssssss we have. I tried to take over Equessssssssstria in the firssssssssst placccccce becaussssse my original hosssssst wassssss a conqueror and a tyrant back on my world. It hasssssssss only been through posssssssssesssssssssing sssssssseveral of the ssssssssspirits of Harmony both thoussssssssandsssss of yearssssss ago and recccccccently that I have sssssssstarted to turn. Knowing Ssssssssssecond, the alicorn issssssssss probably a trap to change my persssssssonality to make me obedient to him again!" Second's face contorted with rage. "FINE THEN!" he shouted, "IF YOU WON'T GO WILLINGLY, I'LL FORCE YOU OUT OF THAT BODY!" The emperor got up from the throne and reached out a hand towards Sliske. Through some kind of unseen invisible force, Sliske's host, Lady Arcane Arts, was lifted into the air. Second's hand began to shake, and he formed a claw shape with it. Sliske began to choke. "NO!" cried Gold Coin. Arcane Arts' throat burst open and let loose a river of blood, which poured all over the throne room floor. The old unicorn was dead almost immediately, but even so, an unnatural screeching sound came from within the body. Black smoke poured out through the gaping wound and began to draw nearer to Second. As it was pulled towards him, the end of it facing the ponies formed into a simple face with huge teeth, and it was screaming in absolute terror. The body of the unicorn dropped to the floor. Mystic began crying right on the spot and ran over to her. Even though she was an evil cultist, she was still his auntie. Or great auntie rather. He had felt uncomfortable enough with Sliske controlling her, but this was even worse. It was a thousand times worse than even the gruesome fate of Chameleon. Gold Coin, screaming in rage, rushed forward and twisted on his forelegs, bucking Second right in the stomach. The human was launched back into his throne, and his grip on the smoke creature that seemed to be Sliske's true form was severed. Chain Mail drew his sword. There was a clicking sound. Buckshot and Bullseye both drew weapons, as if from nowhere. Bullseye was armed with a crossbow and poison tipped bolts, while Buckshot actually pulled out the Reaper's Horn of all things! Soft Spoken turned to face Bullseye while Chain Mail went for Buckshot. The captain acted with cold precision and brought his sword up at an angle, effortlessly decapitating the pegasus who until now had been their eccentric and cheerful tour guide. He didn't care even slightly. Bullseye meanwhile had also turned on the captain, obviously deciding that Soft Spoken was no threat. He shot a bolt across the throne room and hit him in an exposed point in his armour. The wound was not fatal, but it still hurt badly, and Chain Mail let out an anguished scream when it hit. Soft Spoken jumped into his line of sight. "You will drop that weapon, now," he ordered. Bullseye grinned and raised the crossbow, intending to shoot the old stallion point blank, but then realised he couldn't. His body was seizing up. He stared into the earth pony's eyes, and he stared back at him. He began to tremble and shake. He suddenly had a splitting headache, like he had just been whacked in the head with a sledgehammer. Bullseye screamed. "AGGGGGGGHHH!" The crossbow clattered to the floor and fired again, but didn't hit anything. Soft Spoken turned away from the beaten pegasus and ran over to Chain Mail and Mystic. Sliske was free again, and was floating around in circles above them both, leaving a trail of black smoke behind him. Second and Gold Coin meanwhile were fighting the old fashioned way. The business pony channelled his memories of youth, of bucking the orchards on Sweet Apple Acres. He drew on earth pony strength and will and attacked the human with everything he had. Luckily for him, being an Element of Harmony seemed to make him one of the chosen few who could hit humans, and Second failed to dodge, only being able to block his strikes. And without his Godly powers to protect him from being hit, Second was just as frail as any old man. Hooves struck him in the face and blood poured from his nose, and he grunted in pain as he was winded by a blow to the stomach. Not that he wasn't fighting back too. The human still had his own strength to rely on, and those hands of his allowed him to get creative. He grabbed Gold Coin's mane with his fingers and held the angry stallion away. Gold Coin couldn't move for fear of the agony that having his mane pulled caused, and Second brought a knee up into the earth pony's chin, breaking one of his teeth. He kept pulling and moved to his side, and brought a foot up underneath him to kick Gold Coin in roughly the area he expected his privates to be. He struck home, and his victim wailed in pain. Then he got stabbed again. "AGGGGH! FUCK! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!" "Gold Coin! Get out of here! I got this!" Second let go of Gold Coin's mane and moved forward to pull himself off the blade going through his back. In spite of his injuries, he could still keep going, and turned around to face the captain. While Gold Coin staggered away to the side, Chain Mail began to advance on the human. In desperation, Second reached into his coat and pulled out a pencil. He began to move it back and forth in the air, and to the royal guard's amazement, words formed. He didn't get to read them before the floating words vanished, and in their place formed a small silver cylinder. Second grabbed it out of the air. Chain Mail looked off to the side, and saw that Sliske was flying away and leading Gold Coin and the others out of the throne room. "Let's do this the cool way!" Second shouted enthusiastically. He held up the cylinder, and a beam of solid red light exploded out of it, coming to a halt a little way out. Yes. Second had in fact just summoned a laser sword. He spread his arms out wide either side of him. "Come at me bro." *** The ponies ran down the steps as fast as they could, thankful that the entrance for some reason was not heavily guarded. Gold Coin limped down the steps, while Soft Spoken was going as fast as he could without leaving his friend behind, a still crying little blue unicorn sitting on his back with his hooves around the old butler's neck. Sliske floated alongside them. They heard a voice in their heads. It was much unlike the raspy way that Sliske usually spoke, and it lacked the stretched out 'S' sounds, probably because the alien was now communicating telepathically. "I need a host," he said, "I'll need to get into a body soon or I'll be helpless. Second's forces can easily kill me in this state." "Use me!" shouted Gold Coin right away. The ponies reached the roads and galloped away from the cathedral down a busy street. "No. It can't be you. You're injured, and I'm just as vulnerable in you as I am like this. And I don't really handle earth ponies well. No offence." "Well then use me!" said Soft Spoken. "I'm a more skilled magic user than anything else. I need a unicorn." They turned a corner into a side street. "Oh hell no!" Gold Coin protested, "You are NOT using Mystic!" "I must! With him I can use some defensive magic to protect us and heal Gold Coin as well. He's our best bet." "You are not using that child." "And how will you use magic with Mystic?" asked Soft Spoken, "He's only a foal! He barely has any power at all!" "That is not how it works. He has the raw power of a full grown unicorn already. Young colts just don't appear as magical as adults because they don't know how to properly channel it yet, but I do. From all the unicorns I possessed over the years, I have knowledge of a wide variety of spells, and I know exactly how to perform all of them, even in a child's body." They came to the end of the side street and emerged into another, and found their way blockaded by a teal blue earth pony and ten pegasi in black armour. "Surrender, or be destroyed!" the earth pony ordered. Soft Spoken twisted his head around to look at the unicorn clinging to his back. He was still teary eyed, but he nodded anyway. "Make it quick Sliske," the old butler ordered. Sliske shot towards Mystic Chant and down his throat. Unlike his previous victims, the blue unicorn did not make any effort to protest, so he had a much easier job this time. He took control almost immediately, and the huge teeth and long tongue sprouted out of the colt's mouth instantly. In control again, Sliske jumped down off of Soft Spoken's back and faced the gang of ponies. "I'm back bitchesssssssssss." END Author's notes: Yeah, Second just became a Sith lord. What of it? Anyway, since is the first chapter since five to have fight scenes, I took into account the criticisms I had last time, of which there were two. One was that there was a lack of emotional attachment to the fights, and another was that the more violent aspects of the fic seemed to come out of nowhere. Well, merely by having a previous chapter in which violent shit happened, I think the second problem is solved, but the emotional aspect is up for debate. Last time, I made the mistake of thinking readers would just assume what emotions the characters involved in a battle were feeling, which I shouldn't have done. I'm the writer. Of course *I* know what they're feeling, but how will anyone else? So, do tell me in the comments how well I handled that. Did you get more of an emotional insight into the characters fighting? Less? Let me know. For news relating to writing, the new cover art has actually not been started yet because the artist I hired is busy with other comissions, but she will get to it eventually, and I'm not one to rush her. For those who like the current cover art, don't worry, I'm not going to banish it off the face of the internet. It'll just be moved to a gallery on the Equestria Daily post, if they allow it. I don't know if they will. Maybe a fic needs a significant ammount of fanart before a gallery is allowed. Either way though, if they don't, I'll upload it somewhere and post a link for you all. I'm also working with a friend of mine on another writing project right now. It's not complete yet, but I'll put up a link when it's done for those of you who are interested. Other than that, I hope you all laughed at the funny bits and cried at the sad bits like usual, and I hope you all enjoyed it. I noticed a few days ago that the story climbed all the way to a 4.7 here. Maybe that's not so impressive considering I have seen other fics with higher ratings, and the EqD post is still just 4/5, but for an HiE story I think that's a mjor accomplishment, and I'm glad to have done that well. It was an uphill battle reaching this point. Thanks for reading, I love every single one of you.