//------------------------------// // Enter Churning // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// "Hello?!" Knock knock knockkkk. "Uhm... Hey there? Somepony?! Anypo—erm... goshdarnit, ahem. Anybuffalo?!" Nothing happened. The talls oak doors loomed above Rainbow Dash in silence. A drafty wind blew against the south edge of the Granite Mountain, blowing pebbles and streams of dust across her hooves. She shivered but made a brave attempt not to show it. "Hey, uhm, I know it's late n'all, but I promise you that this is gonna make your whole friggin' day!" Rainbow's voice echoed against the rock, rock, and more rock. "For real, you guys! Your mouths will never forgive you if you pass up this opportunity!" More silence. "Egads, this is why I never went into sales." She knocked again, far more heavily this time. "Hey! Open up!" Her banging hoof sent dull vibrations up the rattling doorframe. "Your culture believes in hospitality n'stuff, right?! Or is it all just stampeding and headbutting?! I mean, all that's pretty cool, but this is cool too! Er... I mean it's piping hot and fresh! Well, okay, maybe mildly warm 'cuz of the long distance flight it took me to carry these things here... but... you guys know how to build a fire, right?" Another gust of air blew, kicking at Rainbow's mane and tail. She frowned. "Alright, look! Official business! You've all heard of Fancy Pants, right? Well, I'm here to represent him! I'm his... uh... business partner! Yeah! And I have something really snazzy to give you all! I bet you're really gonna love it! I don't want gold or silver or... uhm... necklace beads or any of that stuff! I just wanna open up free passage to the caves with all the cloudstone! I mean, you guys aren't usin all of that crud, so what's the big deal, right?! Come on out and let's chit-chat, pony to... big, bulky and brown non-pony!" "Why are you yelling?" asked a voice to Rainbow's side. The pegasus jolted in place, her mane sticking out in six different colors. She spun, panting. A hooded quadruped turned to glance at her. "You talking to someone?" "Well, I'm trying but I'm getting no response!" Rainbow hollered the last three words towards the door, frowning. "I've been travelling all friggin' day to get here and I'm at my wit's end! Is it mountain hibernation season or what?!" "Maybe nobody's home." "It's a huge flippin' mountain for crying out loud!" Rainbow Dash spun a scowling expression. "You're telling me that every soul in there just packed up and left for spring break? Is Daytrot Beach leasing out ocean-side mountains now?" "Or maybe they just don't want to be disturbed." "Disturbed?! Why have a door here unless they expected ponies to knock on it—?!" Rainbow froze at the end of her utterance and stared bug-eyed at the figure. "Wait! You're a buffalo, aren't you?! Don't you have an explanation?" "Me? A buffalo?" The figured pulled his hood down, revealing a pair of curled horns. "Not since the last time I checked," the mountain ram said, his fluffy white goatee flouncing in the wind. "But, if you must know, I think they're a not answering because they're an intensely proud, private, and introverted race of majestic creatures." A blink, and then he smiled. "Or—heheh, yeah—they may be too busy head-butting." Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed. "You telling me I came here all the way just to knock on their door for nothing?!" She pointed at the massive frame. The ram tilted his fuzzy head up. "Hmmm? Oh, no." He shook his horns. "This isn't their door." "This isn't—Pblbllblbbtt!" Rainbow Dash almost barfed up her own trachea. "Not their door?!" "Naw..." The ram adjusted the weight of his saddlebag, pivoted on cloven hooves, and pointed up a winding, graveling path that lead towards the western face of the mountain. "The buffalo live up the road, about three hundred clicks and a sharp right turn. Pretty steep stuff. Not easy for most travelers to scale. But hey!" He smirked from horn-to-horn. "You did pretty snazzy, if I do say so myself." "Then whose huge thick doors of doom are these?!" The ram shrugged. "Beats me. I've never bothered to knock on it. I'm guessing they're neighbors to the buffalo who moved out ages ago." "But... it... that... grrrrrrrggghh!" Rainbow Dash's flushed head could boil an egg. "So, you wanna go see the buffalo, huh?" The ram trotted a few steps up the gravel path. "Well, hopefully they are in the mood to have company, cuz I'm making my weekly trip and I'm kind of chompin' at the bit. Heh... no pun intended, Miss Pony Lady Thingy, ma'am." "You know your way around this place, huh?" "Jeez, I hope so. Cuz if I fell to my death ages ago and all I am now is a woolie mountain ghost, then I'd be really cheesed." He smirked with a wink. "Oh, I sell the buffalo these, by the way." That said, he opened his satchel to display a rattling pile of hoof-mirrors, makeup compacts, and tiny wooden framed panels of glass. Rainbow's face scrunched up. "What would the buffalo need with a bunch of tiny mirrors?" "Beats the spit out of me," he said. "Maybe they like looking fabulous and need them for beauty pageants. Whatever floats their big, bulky boats... not like that there are any lakes up here." He blinked, then stroked his goatee in thought. "Or are there?" "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—" "Ah well. You don't look like the kind of pony who's used to carrying mirrors around, so I guess you're not competition." He hopped and bounced his way up the gravel path. "Come along! I'll show you the quickest way up the mountain!" "Jee, thanks." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, fitted her self to the chariot, and pulled the thing, straining. "R-really! I mean it!" "Oh, I bet you do!" he chuckled slightly, leaping his way one jutting cliff at a time. "You certainly have a lot of hubcaps to sell!" "Actually... nnnngh... they're apple pies!" "Ohhhhh. I see." The mountain ram paused, then glanced back, his horns breaking the slanted sunlight. "What's an apple?" "Only the tastiest, tangiest, juiciest fruit in the world." Rainbow Dash huffed and puffed as she strained to carry the bulging cart up the inclined path. "Not to mention one third of a really, really sexy cutie mark." "Ahhhhh..." The ram nodded again, then squinted. "What's a cutie mark." "Look, I'd really just like to get to where the buffalo..." Rainbow Dash hesitated, then sighed. "...roam." She swallowed. "So, if you don't mind, Mr...?" "Churning," he said with a proud smile. "Churning Bag." Rainbow Dash grimaced. "How the hay did you get a name like 'Churning Bag?'" "Heheheh... hehhhhh..." He cleared his throat and hop-hop-hopped ahead. "You don't wanna know."