Warning; In case you completely disregarded the warning in the description, here it is again. This was the product of utter boredom, and is intended to be on the darker side of funny. If you have any sense of moral code, more than 12.78% of a soul, or empathy in any way shape or sort, don't read. You have been warned. Contains unhealthy amounts of nonsensical, offensive, and adult "things." Read at your own risk.
Yeah, I'm breaking the fourth wall, wanna fight about it?
So you're gonna read it anyway, huh? Hey, your funeral.
Okay, let's get on with this train wreck.
It was a bright, sunny day in Equestria blah blah blah [insert overdone fanfic intro here]. Pinkie was trotting through Ponyville on her way to see Twilight. She'd discovered this strange thing in the Everfree forest, and wanted to let Twilight know. She approached the Library, and knocked on the door. Twilight poked her head out, mane in a mess.
"Gah, what the hell do you want Pinkie? I'm kinda busy." Pinkie Pie cocked her head in wonder about her friend's frazzled look. "Twilight," she began. "Have you been doing the nasty?" Twilight blinked several times. "Pinkie, you have three seconds before I close the door."
"Okay, okay okay," blurted the pink party pony. "I found this strange thing in the Everfree forest! It's called the Internet!" Twilight blinked lazily. "The fuck is an internet?"
"I don't know! I just found it in the Everfree forest!" responded Pinkie.
Twilight groaned. "God dammit Pinkie, it's like seven in the morning... I'll be out in a couple minutes." A male voice echoed a question from upstairs, not quite understandable to the pink pony outside. "Hah!" retorted Pinkie. "I knew you were doing the nasty!" Twilight groaned once again. "Like I said, I'll be out in a minute."
Twilight opened the door back up after about ten minutes, and was greeted by Pinkie Pie. "All right," she grumbled. "Let's see what you got your ass dragged into this time." With that, they departed, on the way to the Everfree forest. "Soooooo, what's up?" inquired the hyperactive and undermedicated pink party pony.
"Guh... Pinkie, I had a hell of a night, and your questions aren't helping much. Let's just go find out what is so important, so I can go back home." Pinkie's face contorted in thought. "Ok!!" she blurted out.
Out of the corner of her eye, Twilight saw Applejack approach. "Oh hey, AJ," she said. "Hey Twi! You haven't seen that good for nothin' brother a' mine have ya? Lazy som'bitch was supposed to slop the pigs!"
"Sorry, can't say that I have," replied Twilight.
Pinkie; Why don't we ask these people!
Twilight; Pinkie! Stop talking to the audience!
Pinkie; But whyyyy?
Twilight; Dammit Pinkie, you're breaking the fourth wall! Get back in your quotation marks!
Pinkie; Okay....
"There, is that better?" asked Pinkie, irritated at her current constrain of quotation marks. "Yes," responded the lavender unicorn, annoyed at Pinkie for her careless break in character. Regardless, Pinkie continued to protest. "But every time I say something, the author's all like '...replied the pink party pony.' Triple alliteration? Is that really necessary??"
"Pinkie," responded Twilight. "Don't question the author! He could scrub you like that!" Pinkie's face contorted in challenge. "Ha! I'd like to see him try! I bet he lives with his grandma or something! I bet he's a clopper! I bet he gets his sick kicks from-"
She was cut short by the impact of an anvil soaring from the sky smashing into her skull, shattering her spine, and driving the rest of her into the ground with a nasty splat. "God dammit, Pinkie! What did I tell you!?" hollered Twilight. She let out a sigh. "Well, she held the only knowledge to continue this godforsaken plot line... so now what?"
Applejack shrugged. "Wanna go to the Everfree forest?" Twilight sighed. "Eh why not." With that, the two trotted down the dirt road leading to the Everfree forest, and before long, reached the entrance to it. It's long vines and dark trees were, for the most part, the reason ponies feared it.
"Hey Twilight?" asked Applejack. "Why is it that everypony is terrified of the Everfree forest, but we explore it on a regular basis? I mean really! Half of the time it seems dangerous, and half of the time it's just as safe as the rest of the world! I mean, for God's sake, a pony, well zebra to be accurate, lives in there! It's just a big break in continuity is all I'm saying."
Twilight blinked several times. "Applejack, get back into character." Applejack let out a sigh. "Fine. Gee, sure is a sight, this place. Ah bet all sorts a' creepy crawlies are lookin' forward to snackin' on us." Twilight perked back up. "That's better!"
Twilight and Applejack ventured inside. "So what exactly are we doing here?" asked Applejack. "Hell if I know," responded Twilight. "It was your idea." Applejack looked around. There was little about this place to judge your location. If you've seen one Everfree tree, you've seen them all.
Applejack spotted a faint glow in the distance. "Hey Twi. What's that?" Twilight looked in the direction AJ was gazing in, and began to approach the dim blue light. "I unno," she responded plainly. "let's check it out!"
She trotted up the where the glow came from, and twisted her face in confusion. It was a table holding up some sort of display hooked up to a rectangular piece of some sort of machinery that hummed quietly. A small sticky note was placed on top of the display. The Internet.
"Huh," Twilight said plainly. "So this is what Pinkie was telling us about." She poked at the display seeing if anything would change. Only a small distortion responded to her poke. "Well it's not a portal," thought Twilight out loud. She poked at the keyboard, but again nothing happened.
It wasn't until she prodded a small circular button with a slash through it that the machine hummed quickly, and much louder than before. Twilight let out a yelp and fell back, terrified of the strange device left in the forest. Before long several messages popped up before presenting Twilight with a screen of rolling green hills and an open sky.
"Well that's weird," thought Twilight. "A location on the screen that isn't a portal?" Applejack was shifting nervously behind her. "Uh, are you sure it's safe to be out her at this time of night? Seems a little risky." Twilight turned around and addressed her friend. "Nah," she said. "As long as we keep the plot diverted from the fact that we are, in fact, in the Everfree, nothing will attack us. That's how the Everfree Forest works! Otherwise, all of the other TV plot lines that took place in here wouldn't work. Think about season two, episode six where Applebloom has to visit Zecora. A plot like that would be interrupted by all sorts of animal attacks if the Everfree worked in a logical sense."
AJ blinked several times. "Wut?" she asked. Twilight responded immediately. "Dammit AJ, don't misspell things! You know how fast the readers will jump on that?" Applejack stared at her in a face full of emptiness, obviously not grasping the situation. "Uh... 'Kay."
Twilight groaned, and went back to the strange device. She poked the mouse, and noted a small movement of an arrow on the screen. Huh, she thought. I wonder if this thing can select things too. With that, she clicked with the small left section of the mouse on an icon labeled 'internet explorer.'
Images raced across the screen. "The fuck is a Yahoo? And why are all these nasty hairless monkeys on this thing?" She clicked on a tab marked '4chan.' "Hmm..." she said, observing the various images and posts flashing on the screen. "Okay... Okay... Okay... Wait, what's /b/? Well one way to find out!"
With that, she clicked on the link. About 4.567 seconds passed before the first post displayed on the screen. "Holy fuck! What is that!? Oh god, no! No no no no no!!!"
Applejack jumped at the sudden outburst. "Twilight? Just what was all that about?" She received no answer as the lavender unicorn bolted past her towards the exit of the Everfree forest. "Twilight! Wait up!" She panted heavily. She was an athletic pony, but even that couldn't help her keep up with Twilight. "What was it?!"
"No!!!" Twilight called back. "Never again! NEVER AGAIN!"