//------------------------------// // Too Friendly a Picnic // Story: Ponies are friends, not food. // by Zeyon The Green //------------------------------// Spike was sitting on a knobby apple tree root, trying to remember what happened. His shin still hurt where Apple Bloom had kicked him, and he had long since pulled the saddlebag out from the bush were she had hidden. Applebloom must have forgotten that she ate them all because the bag was fruitless. One thought was running through his head over and over again, he had no idea what it had to do with eating a few apples. “Why did she say she was not a piece of meat? I mean I know Applejack was saying that Big Mac was a piece of meat. Do I have feelings for Apple bloom?” Spike shook his head. “Nah, I like older mares, but what else could I have done to upset her. I blacked out for a second, and… hmm.” Spike got up and began to make the walk back to Ponyville. It was a pretty uneventful stroll, he didn’t seem to get any answers and no pony stopped to ask him what he was thinking about. If they had to make a guess it was thoughts of Rarity. Spikes arms were crossed and he was looking on the ground as he walked. His deep thoughts came to a screeching halt as his stomach grumbled. “Oh yeah, I didn’t get an apple. I wonder if Rarity has any gems for me to munch on, the boutique is just over there.” Spike scampered as fast as his stubby legs could carry him. As he approached he saw the front door move. “RARITY, ARE YOU AWAKE MY LADY LOVE?” Sweetie Belle poked her head out the door and stepped out, she seemed to be smiling extra wide for some reason. Spike felt a little frightened of that troublesome smile, especially when it was one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Hey Spike, could you do me a favor?” Sweetie Belle practically sung the words to him. Here it comes thought Spike. “I am really late for a Cutie Mark Crusader meeting could you help me do some chores?” “What type of chores?” Spike was wearing his best poker face. Sweetie Belle smiled wider as she ran up and grabbed him. Spike didn’t get a second to think as they charged through the door to see a pile of picnic gear. He saw several fans, a generator, umbrellas, a blanket, a big basket of tanning lotion and a red Fainting couch. “Huh what is all of this…” Spike barely spoke. “RARITY, SPIKEISGOINGTOCARRYYOURSTUFFFORMESOIAMGOINGTOMYCMCMEETINGLOVEYOUBYEBIGSIS.” Sweetie Belle ran out the door as fast as she could. Spike was bewildered as Rarity came down the stairs in a red bikini with a sun hat on. “What did you say Sweetie Belle? Sweetie Belle? SWEETIE BELLE, you did not run out on me so I have to carry all this…” Rarity trailed off as she saw the baby dragon in front of her. Her anger dissipated as quickly as it came. “Oh Spikey wikey, you are here, sorry a lady such as myself should not shout so loud in the presence of a gentledrake such as yourself. It’s just I asked Sweetie to help me pull the cart with all of my picnic things.” “Oh it’s okay Rarity, you know that I know that you have a hard time with Sweetie Belle.” This is why she wanted to leave so quickly. I’ll have to thank her later. Spike was now smiling wider than Sweetie Belle was before she ran out. “So you need all this to go to the lake?” “Oh yes but I couldn’t ask you Spike Wikey to carry all of this for me, I just could not impose. It would be uncouth of me to ask. I shall just leave it all here.” Rarity closed her eyes as she said this, and after a second sneaked a peek at Spike. He was already beginning to pick up all of her picnic gear, with a day dreamy drooling expression on his face. ”Works everytime. I really should think about dating him in a few years when he’s a muscular stud…” “What was that Rarity?” Spike looked over at her like he missed something, the tanning lotion basket in his claws. “Nothing Spike, just figuring if I have everything I need.” Rarity sighed as Spike walked out the door. Rarity, sometimes you talk too much. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was hard work pulling the gem cart with the bulk of the fainting couch; it was even harder climbing a hill. The little dragon was not about to look weak in front of his mare, not that she was actually looking at him. Damn, I really need to start working out. As they crested the hill they saw a pair of pegasi by the lake, one was skyward and the other grounded. Rainbow was doing all kinds of flips and spins, as Fluttershy was offering her usually quiet “yay.” Rainbow quickly stopped and saw the dragon and unicorn arriving. “HEY FLUTTERSHY, RARITY AND SPIKE ARE HERE!” Rainbow came down for a landing by the pair, and Fluttershy trotted over. Spike stopped at the top of the hill, panting like a diamond dog, as he collapsed. Rarity stopped her strides to wave at her approaching friends. Spike started to crawl towards them. “Good afternoon girls,” Rarity did a catwalk turn to show off her bikini. “What do you think about my newest idea? I call it a bikini.” “Rarity, are we supposed to be impressed with your underwear?” Rainbow giggled. Fluttershy looked away blushing at the statement. “I mean aren’t those supposed to be under clothes? “Uncouth as always I see Rainbow,” Rarity dead panned. “I’ll have you know that Canterlot is all about swimwear this summer. I was trying something a bit risqué this time, something to turn heads of every stallion.” “I’d say you accomplished it, I mean how often do you see Rarity in her underwear…” Rainbow fell over laughing. “You look very pretty Rarity… I mean if that’s okay… coming from a fellow mare…” Fluttershy said through her hair as he cheeks became red. “Well Darling, I was hoping to look smoking hot, but I guess pretty will have to do.” Rarity turned around seeing that Spike had finally made it over to them. “What do you think Spike?” “Ugh aha go ta.” Spike smacked his blushing scales, and quickly stood up. “It looks good on you Rarity, I mean I’m not exactly a stalli…” “See, Rainbow. Spike and Fluttershy think that I make it work.” “Whatever, I still think you look ridiculous Rare,” Rainbow tucked her front hooves behind her head and put her hind hoof on her other leg lying on her back. “Well now we just got to wait for Pinks, the egghead and AJ.” “CANNONBALL.” “What the F…” Rainbow said as a familiar voice was heard from over head. Just then a huge pink meteor hit the lake’s surface. A giant wave of water soaked the three ponies and dragon. A pink head popped out of the water. “Hey girls, I thought I’d drop in,” Pinkie giggled as she slowly pony paddled over to them. “Cannon travel is the way of the future.” “Thank you Pinkie, my mane is ruined.” Rarity pouted. She had running mascara and her hair was drenched. “Luckily Spike brought my hair dryer, generator, makeup and gel. Be a dear and go get me those…” Spike was already long gone running like a timber wolf was behind him to the pile he had dropped. Rarity turned around and saw the others drying themselves off wringing manes and flapping their wings. In Rainbow’s case, she was shaking like a dog, which splashed off on Rarity. “Jeez… Rarity those must really be underwear, cause you don’t want to get wet.” Rainbow plopped back down on her back laughing. “Hey Pinks, are you really using a cannon to get around?” “Yeah I just got a new model of cannon that is way too big to be a party cannon. I mean it doesn’t have enough accuracy, and I kind of blew a hole in the wall at Sugarcube Corner too good thing that new unicorn Stonewall was there to already fix the oven chimney it might have stayed that way longer I mean you don’t want burgler ponies to break in and foalnap the twins…” “Pinkie, do you think that’s safe?” Fluttershy interrupted the free thought fountain. “I mean you don’t have wings, you must have been scared.” “Aw Flutters, I knew I would hit the lake. Even with the added weight I was able to calculate it,” Pinkie emerged from the water with her stomach touching the ground every other step. “You know cannons need a lot of trigonometry; I think Twilight would be proud of my equations.” “Pinkie Pie, what happened to your body?” Rarity said after she and Fluttershy gasped. Rainbow started laughing. “I think I’m going to have to measure you again with a barrel that size…” “Nopey Dopey, I just haven’t finished digesting most of Applejack’s apple fritters.” Pinkie laid on her belly. “I’ll be sad when this goes away. It’s like a bean bag chair. Oh well, metabolisms are a funny thing.” “I wish I had your metabolism Pinkie.” Rarity said poking Pinkie in the gut causing Pinkie to giggle. “If I ate that much I’d be the size of a cow. Not that there is anything wrong with being a cow mind you, but a lady mustn’t let her figure go too much.” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After they had settled down and with all the blankets, umbrellas, couch, salon-style hairdryer, and generator up, Rarity got her hair and makeup on right. Fluttershy offered Spike some water as he laid down in a sweating pool trying to recover from situating everything to the white mares’ satisfaction. Applejack came into view down the path with a tarp covered wagon. “Whoo-wee, Pinkie you haven’t digested all the fritters yet?” Applejack pulled up her wagon, and groaning could be heard. “That’s sad sugarcube; looks like you won’t have any room for anymore fritters.” “That’s okay. I have a second stomach for cake and ice cream. Of course in this case it would be for pastries. Isn’t that a funny word, pastries? Well it’s not as funny as kumquat, but…” Pinkie kept going but no pony was listening. Apple Jack took off her harness, and removed the tarp to reveal a groaning Twilight. “Oh yeah, hey gals could ya lend me a hand with my special cargo? Twi’s a bit sore and needing a good back cracking from Fluttershy.” “Oh my, what happened…” Fluttershy said as she rushed over, with Rarity and Rainbow behind her. “She fell down the library stairs, crashed into a shelf and damaged some books.” Spike said standing. “Careful girls don’t drop me, I’d lift myself but I can’t concentrate my magic.” “Twilight began gritting her teeth to prepare for the transfer. The others surrounded her as Pinkie set up a picnic blanket for Twilight. “Every pony ready? On a count of three. One, two three…”Apple jack gently pushed Twilight into Rainbow’s hooves. Rainbow wrapped her hooves around Twilight’s shoulders, Fluttershy grabbed Twilight’s back holding it steady, and Rarity grabbed Twilight’s flank. They moved her over to the blanket that Pinkie had lain down. “No no this won’t do, we can’t have Twilight be on the ground it is too dirty. My fainting couch will be easier on her.” Rarity said. They moved Twilight to the fainting couch, and with a grunt from Twilight as she was laid on her stomach they were done. “Okay Twilight, tell me when you want to begin” Fluttershy said. Twilight gave a nod and Fluttershy pressed her hooves into the small of Twilight’s back. “AHHHHHH!” Twilight winced and relaxed. “Aaahhhh…” “Well with the egghead situated, let’s eat.” Rainbow said as the group started to set up for the picnic. As they worked no pony noticed that Spike was staring at Twilight as she would holler in pain, drool dripping down his face. His eyes had once again become reptilian slits. His brain was working on a primal level as he figured out his target. He saw a wounded purple sausage shaped pony crying out in pain, possibly the weakest herd member and far away from the others. Next, he saw a yellow and pink fishy-looking pony tending to the wounded one, guard down but still too far away. A big orange chicken nugget was closer, but the muscles on it made him think it was the herd leader. To his left a blue turkey was walking around and sticking her beak into a basket. She looked lean and agile, not ideal prey. A rabbit wrapped in bacon was lounging on the ground. It looked as lean as the last one, and he felt like he hadn’t had meat in forever. The final piggish shaped target was closest; it looked like the herd alpha female carrying the herds young in her massive belly. Bingo. “Hey girls you know it’s kind of nice to have a belly like this, I feel like I am on a weird water bed.” Pinkie giggled. “Pinkie, I think a cloud is a better be…” Rainbow looked over Pinkie’s body and stopped. “Hey Spike is everything okay over there?” Spike growled, and everypony’s head turned save one. Before anypony could speak, Spike pounced on the pink creampuff. His claws sank into pink flesh, and his maw closed on Pinkie’s cutie mark. All the other ponies could see was a hot reddish pink face, as Pinkie bucked her legs right into Spike’s ribcage knocking him a good 10 feet away. Every pony was shocked with mouths open. “Spike, I never knew you liked me so much.” Pinkie was blushing as she turned around to look at Spike. “But I mean slobbering all over my flank? That’s a no-no. At least, until our second date, and only if I am covered in frosting.” “Spike, that is no way to treat a lady’s flank.” Rarity said recovering first from the shock. Applejack and Rainbow Dash both started laughing. Fluttershy looked worried. Twilight stood up and walked over to Pinkie. Spike was shaking his head and breathing heavily. “SPIKE THE DRAGON.” Twilight said in her most stern voice. “You say you are sorry to Pinkie Pie right this instant mister.” “Um Twilight…” Fluttershy muttered. “I mean it. You were not raised to be a pervert.” “Um Twilight… I don’t think.” Fluttershy began to shake a little as Spike stood up on all fours. “WHAT IS IT, Fluttershy?” Twilight glared at the mare as Spike growled and hissed. “Um… I think… he was trying…” Fluttershy hid behind her mane. “Yes?” “To eat her.” “What…” As the words escaped Twilight’s lips, Spike pounced the unicorn with his fangs bared. Twilight turned to see a baby dragon come flying at her. However before she could blink a flash of blue appeared. Rainbow smashed her hoof straight into Spike’s face, knocking the feral baby dragon unconscious.