“We need you to transport us to Equestria,” Barry asked. “There is something very important we have to attend to!”
“I don't think you don't know that's in Newark, on the other side of the country!” Jimmy sarcastically replied. “What are you, insane? Look at yourselves! You look way too silly to travel in anything!”
“Ignore our looks, just get us there!” Ethan pleaded, his purple wings spreading out for a half-second. “We've got an attack to stop, and it may be critical for your survival!”
“It's true, we're going to miss the party!” Pinkie paradoxically joked, before fake-sobbing.
“No, I won't... fine, I'll transport you there,” the only human in the vicinity conceded. “But before that, by what means?”
“Take your car and drive us to the nearest Conversion Bureau,” the orange unicorn suggested. “You know where they are, right? Then we can let the helpers there drive us to the kingdom!”
“They probably will reject our request,” his close friend pointed out. “They only carry new ponies over – definitely not us.”
“Oh! What about the airport?” Ponyville's characteristically pink pony giggled.
“It would be an absolute failure!” Ethan sighed, distraught at what silly ideas came out of the baker's brain. “I can't imagine ponies clearing customs or immigration. Besides, all American airports have shut down!”
“Which leaves us I-80.” Barry stamped his left hoof on the ground.
“You're right. Let's go inside and pack some items.” Jimmy made an about-turn and called for the ponies to follow.
As Ethan trotted across the door frame, he knew this was the perfect opportunity to refresh his memory of the world he was born in, the world he grew up in, the human world. It was a respite from an absolute monarchy populated by candy-coloured equines, one which was beautiful. But that was also controversial – the Human Liberation Front was there, waiting for the appointed time to strike. “No, it shouldn't have happened,” he uttered softly. “But it did.”
Ethan and Barry were lying on the sofa in the living room, their minds blank on activities to carry out in this interim period. Pinkie constantly circled them, as if she recently took a dose of coffee, and Spike was between the two lounging ponies. Seeing it as the right time to start another conversation, the blue dragon hopped up the sofa. “I understand you are apprehensive of ponies to an extent,” he said in a formal tone, “and from there I infer you know quite a bit about them. Do you still have any lingering questions in your heart?”
“Yes.” Jimmy momentarily jerked his head. “Regarding ponification, is prediction of pony types possible without injecting that ponymycin?”
“I'm not so sure,” Spike replied in confusion.
“The answer is yes,” Ethan clarified. “It depends on personality – people who are hard-working and practical get turned into earth ponies, pegasi are of the emotional kind, and unicorns use their brains frequently. Based on this-”
“Jimmy is going to be an earth pony!” The lounging ponies were temporarily startled.
“Stop saying irrelevant things, you're annoying Ethan and Barry and disrupting their quiet time!” Twilight's assistant motioned to the owner of the party cannon.
“It is human nature to be emotional,” Barry explained in a mildly scientific tone. “Thus, pegasi are the most common type seen in new ponies, then earth ponies, then unicorns. With natives, the numbers are roughly equal.”
“According to recently conducted surveys, that is correct,” Spike remarked. “Jimmy, any more questions from you?”
“Are there relations between skin colour and coat colour? I'm asking this because hair colour and mane colour are related.”
“No.” The tiny dragon hopped back down. “Ponymycin does not preserve skin colours. Ethan right over here had beige skin, but now has a purple coat. Ditto for rather light brown and orange, in Barry's case.”
“Thanks for enlightening me. Anyway, I'm done packing. Shall we go off?”
“Well of course, human who hasn't been ponified yet.” Flames shot out of Spike's mouth for a split second, narrowly missing the plasma screen.
“Are you already smiling? The party's beginning,” a voice reminiscent of Andrea Libman said.
“Stop thinking this is a party, Pinkie!” a blonde-maned pony exclaimed. “This is serious business here, not entertainment!”
“Certainly the houses and buildings will be wiped out,” Ethan thought about the human race, as he looked at his neighbourhood. “Same thing for the vehicles. What will be preserved? Something immaterial, something transcendent, but which thing? The culture? The languages? The food? I don't really know. Ponies and humans are different in almost every way imaginable, and the former party is winning.”
The trio of ponies and Spike were in the back seats of Jimmy's Chevrolet, their emotions drifting towards indifference, save one who never ceased making jokes. The simple car, in its varying brands and colours, could formerly be seen parked in the settlements, coasting on the roads, and stuck in the woodlands simultaneously – but had declined into a rarity, the majority having been either sent to the scrapyard or just deserted by their owners, due to the ponymycin.
“Hey, Jimmy,” Ethan inquired. “Why didn't you get ponified?”
“Well, I initially wanted to,” the “chauffeur” replied, “but... I just wanted to continue shredding my guitar and stuff. So, yeah.”
“This mildly concerns me,” the pegasus remarked. “I thought you were a member of the Human Liberation Front, until you told me that.”
“No bad intentions on my part,” the AC/DC fan declared, raising his hands up. “Anyway ponies,” changing his focus, “are you buckled up and ready?”
Three hooves (one purple, a second orange and the last one pink) were held up in agreement. “I presume yes. This is going to take two days, but I'm sure you can make it.”
As soon as the wheels turned, Ethan felt drowsy, his eyes drooping and his normally rational thinking starting to corrode:
He woke up in some room, illuminated only by a mellow light from a window. “What, where am I?” Ethan wondered to himself, feeling the air being moved by his wings, which were fluttering in confusion. Suddenly, he noticed ponies streaming through the door, their looks imitating his classmates in senior year. One was a fuchsia-coloured unicorn, distinctively female, and looking very much like that girl who consistently “owned” her maths, Christina. Another was brown and rather strong-looking; this reminded the purple pegasus of the Boy Scout, Quinsy. He only got around to realising it was the dance room when all of them shouted in synchrony. “Get up!” And then when he could not comply, they prepared to trample on him.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!”
“Ow... what was that?” Ethan turned left and saw Pinkie, her eyelids starting to open, her muscles twitching. Barry was laterally opposite, doing the same thing, his horn pointed precariously towards his friend's body. They were in a petrol station in Cheyenne, the light of dawn filling the sky.
“Jimmy, has it only been twelve hours?” he asked.
“Yes,” the driver reminded. “I told you we would take two days, and we left at dusk.” Then he fell back into his short nap.
“Oh, OK, give me some food. I'm really hungry.” The purple pegasus had his wings closed, but as soon as he got the hay in his hooves, the urge overpowered him.
“Hey! Don't poke me!” Barry retorted in disgust.
“That's really tickling my nerves!” Pinkie cheered, her face showing a signature smile.
“Uh... Stop all this!” Ethan replied to both, as the car went back on the road towards the I-80.
At sunset, the group arrived in Gary, where rain slightly hampered their efforts to locate a pony-friendly restaurant. This turned out to be a Subway, and soon everyone was chomping on those submarine sandwiches.
“Where's the next stop?” the orange unicorn inquired.
“Cleveland at daybreak,” Jimmy said in a sombre tone.
“And then we get to Newark tomorrow evening?” A green glow surrounded the cup of lemon tea.
“Affirmative.” Two palms slapped the table in content.
“Hooray! Let's celebrate!” The Ponyville baker started jumping around the tables ecstatically, toppling Jimmy's bag of cookies in the process.
“What did you just do?” Ethan gave a stern expression to the pink earth pony. “The crowd has just locked you in their sights!”
“Oh, sorry!” Pinkie returned to her seat, but still with a grin.
Ethan thought about the Human Liberation Front and the worthiness of ponification as he went to sleep that night:
The Front has plausible arguments as to why they want the humans to stay. They claim that they are much more technologically advanced than the ponies, and that they can deal with much more complicated threats. Are they actually correct? ...No. They are not correct because they forgot about magic. Humans can't handle pony magic, right? That's why the ponification camps were set up. Besides, since ponies are themselves facing an overpopulation problem, and they're moving to Newark, it pays to get ponified.
When we were with Princess Celestia in Twilight's tree library discussing about the attack, I heard from Twilight after the talk that the leader of the Front is John de Lancie. Never mind Star Trek, could it be that his beliefs and ideas on the sentience of other beings, ponies included, made him think that ponification was a really bad idea? Are animal rights groups like PETA opposed to it as well? Religious groups? No... I can't really make head or tail of this. Whatever the case, one thing is certain: he will be there, co-ordinating the attack on our beloved country with his fervent supporters. He must be stopped, and we will take action.
Newark, like the other major cities then, had many skyscrapers, but few people present. The sky was cold and purple, an off-white circle standing out among a blanket of stars. Ponies, trotting and flying across the streets, had taken over as the most common sight, but cars were still there. Equestria was off the coast, sparkling slightly from its magic barrier. No signs of significant activity could be seen or heard from outside, as the general population was sleeping.
“Are we there yet?” Ethan murmured in his half-awake state.
“Yes, and I think you can make your way to Equestria from here,” Jimmy replied. “I'm reconsidering ponification as well, so thank you for talking with me.”
“No problem,” the purple pegasus commented. He woke up the other two ponies, and all three disembarked onto the pavement, along with Spike.
“I'm so excited!” Pinkie shouted. “We've made it to the-”
“There are extremely important things on my agenda and we need to discuss them now.” A magenta glow dissipated, revealing a lavender unicorn.
“-party?” The pink earth pony had been intimidated so roughly, her mane began to deflate.