"So is there any paper in this dream world, or do I have to imagine it?" I sat up, feeling cushions beneath my hooves instead of grass. Blinking in the morning sunlight, I realised that my dream might have continued for far longer than I had intended. Rolling over, I found myself on the floor of my lounge, having spent the night on the sofa. Looking over at the clock, I found that it was already nine o'clock, and I had far too much to do today to sleep in.
Grabbing a piece of pink paper (I only kept paper for Lullaby to draw on - not to write out important documents) and an orange crayon, I began my letter:
Conundrum,
I think I've found the murderer - don't have time for you to get back. Will investigate alone & tell you if I'm right.
Wish me luck,
Nocturne
I rolled it up messily and tied it with some twine, labelling it with Conny's current address in Baltimare. With this complete, I grabbed my sunglasses and saddlebags, left Fantasia's clothes on the floor, and hurried down the stairs of the apartment building. Once at ground level, I just managed to catch the morning post mare, handing her the rather informal letter and bounded out onto the street.
I had a full twenty-four hours from the Equestrian Police Force taking Perfect in for questioning before they would declare whether Perfect was actually being arrested for the murder, or was just a witness. If I was betting, I would put my money on the former. That would give me until this afternoon to address the manor with my own proposal - too late and Lady Grace might take us off the case, which would defeat the point of finishing the case to earn my rent money.
Ignoring the twinging pain in my ribs, I took to the air. However, I was not flying towards the manor house - there was nothing of use to me there. I was instead looking for the third house on a horseshoe-shaped street. I knew it had a fine exterior, but an interior which was crumbling under high society pressure.
Even though it was a Tuesday, I figured that after the murder, family members would be excused from various duties - such as attending school.
For there was one witness we had never questioned. In fact, he had gone almost undetected, even though his information could turn out to be crucial.
I found the street, but didn't land. Neither did I do what I had last time - perching on an upper floor window waiting to be let in by a hung-over, debt-ridden stallion. This time, I circled the house, carefully viewing each window as discretely possible and thanking the Lunar Protector that this street was so silent and empty or else somepony might have reported me.
Proving my assumptions correct, I spotted the colt whom I guessed to be Quartz Crystal. He was sat on the floor of a foals' nursery, three floors up, rolling a wooden cart back and forth. He must have spent a lot of time alone, because the room was filled with toys - no doubt donated by the colt's doting grandparents.
I slowed my wings and settled precariously on the window ledge, teetering dangerously (well - as dangerous as it could be when falling was easily resolved by flight).
Smiling as openly as possible, without flashing my fangs, I knocked on the glass.
He looked up slowly, as if he was used to hearing noises, but never expecting them to be anything interesting. Pale pink eyes blinked back at me, astounded in a way only foals can be. Unlike his father, Quartz Crystal took my sudden appearance well - smiling gleefully and bounding up to open the window.
Jumping off the ledge and squeezing through the gap took some effort, but I eventually tumbled into the nursery.
"Wow! Are you a Royal Guard?" The foal squealed, his white mane bobbing as he jumped around me. To my delight, he managed to levitate over two wooden figurines in a wobbly aura - one a white unicorn in golden armour, and the other a grey bat pony in purple plating. "Did the Princess send you?"
"Yes - yes, she did!" I returned, letting him squeal again."But we have to be quiet," I held a hoof to my mouth, "because I'm on a secret mission."
"Okay!" Quartz hissed back, holding up a chubby blue hoof to his own lips.
I felt cruel asking him, but it was vital that I did - so I sat down in front of him and asked him softly, "Can you tell me about your Summer Sun Celebration?"
"Oh..." His ears pressed flat against his skull and his eyes shifted away.
"Here," I offered, grabbing a few other of his figures, and spreading them out in front of him, making sure that there were enough for everypony present, "we can act it out."
He looked hesitant, but started shifting the pieces. I let him do all of this, wanting to see which toy he allocated to everypony. Finally, I was looking at the closest re-enactment of the murder yet created, using wooden dolls and tiny farmyard fences to show the walls of the house.
"Uncle Enterprise said that Auntie Perfect was sulking," the colt explained, poking the Daring Do figurine over onto her face. I wondered if he had also spotted Perfect with Dust Trail, seeing as Daring Do certainly fitted Dusty well.
He sat a chewed Shining Armour on his own thrown, away from all the other dolls, "I didn't see Grandpa - he never comes out. I always have to be quiet for him." I nodded and observed the rest of the scene. It seemed that foals' toys consisted of ponies who had been responsible in past Equestrian disasters or comic books, seeing as Bold Enterprise had become a beanbag Discord, and Featherlight was now Princess Cadence. I could only assume that the Changeling was Good Conduct, seeing that he was the only pony with Featherlight. I couldn't distinguish between Lady Grace and Pink Diamond, seeing as the last two female dolls were two Power Ponies (Radiance and that other one - Mistress Matter-Horn... or was it The Masked Mare?). Finally, Quartz had made himself the only Power Pony I could consistently remember - Humdrum (he was my favourite) - sat slightly away from the group of three.
"I was being good," the foal explained, trotting Humdrum around the bottom of the 'garden', "but Uncle Enterprise was being really grumpy - he wouldn't play with me."
"Wouldn't your ma play with you?"
"Mommy never plays with me," Quartz explained, as if it was a trivial fact of life, "but Grandma gave me this -" he pointed to a small train set which occupied his shelf. "She always brings me new things," He bragged, but moved the Radiance figure towards Discord sadly, "but she was having a grown up talk."
"Why did your daddy go inside?"
He lifted the Changeling in his inexperienced aura and moved him back out to the garden. "There was a big noise. Grandma wanted Daddy to see what it was. She was busy talking about grown up stuff." He jumped the Changeling and Radiance up and down to mimic their conversation, turning Radiance defiantly away when she had finished talking. The Changeling was replaced in the kitchen beside Princess Cadence.
"Was your ma having a grown up chat?"
"No," Quartz moved the second Power Pony so that she faced off into the distance, "Mommy isn't part of the grown up chats - she was reading one of the shiny papers." I nodded, noting that while everypony else in the garden had claimed to be talking to Pink Diamond, neither of them had been. I hadn't bothered to check with Pink Diamond - it would have taken hours of useless gossip.
"Do they often have grown up chats?"
"Loads - I'm never allowed to listen..." he smiled gleefully at me, "sometimes I do. But I don't understand it." He ignored the garden this time, moving towards the kitchen instead as he bobbed Princess Cadence and the Changeling up and down in conversation. "Daddy always has grown up chats with Feathery. But she brings me cupcakes and plays with me when she comes."
"When she comes?" I felt a spark register between my ears. "Feathery comes here - to your house?" It was always best to use a foal's language when trying to interview them. No - I wasn't suddenly struck dumb.
"Yeah - on her days off, when Mommy's out." The colt picked up Princess Cadence guiltily. "I like it more when Feathery's here - Daddy's nicer too."
"Does your mommy like Feathery?"
"Um... no?" He picked up both dolls, concentrating on the pair of them. "They don't see each other - I have to be quiet about when Feathery comes. Feathery coming is our secret - Mommy isn't allowed to know." The Power Pony was discarded on the carpet roughly. "Oh - you have to keep it secret! Daddy said I mustn't tell nopony!"
"Don't worry," I cooed, trying to keep the colt calm and forgiving his use of the double negative, "I'm good at keeping secrets." At least, if I admitted to knowing it, I'd pretend I heard it from somepony else.
"So what happened after that?"
"Grandpa came out..." the foal reluctantly took Shining Armour from his throne and laid him on his side in the makeshift garden. "I wanted to go inside. Daddy told me to stay in the garden. He didn't want me to see." He crowded the three other ponies around Shining Armour, with the Changeling hovering on the fence. Actually, it looked more like he was guarding the fence - or what was behind it...
"Where was your auntie Perfect?"
"I saw her at the window," the foal took notice of the Daring Do figure for the first time, moving her to be looking down at the carnage, "she wanted to know what was going on. I think she came down after that. I don't know - nopony would talk to me." The small colt frowned slightly and corrected himself. "Lulu talked to me - when you got there." The Night Guard doll and a large stuffed rabbit entered the scene, with the rabbit easily large enough for Quartz to settle Humdrum on top of its back. The Guard's limbs were made so that they could move, so he positioned the toy's front hoof to be thrust out authoritatively.
"You recognise me?"
He nodded quickly in reply, smiling smugly, though added shyly, "I just remembered - your eye's all black where Grandma hit you."
I raised a hoof to check my eye. I must have taken off the sunglasses when I came in, not thinking the foal would remember me - I could hardly remember what had happened myself. Clearly, I hadn't been paying proper attention; when I arrived at the scene, and every time after it when I looked in a mirror.
For the record, it did still hurt when I poked it.
"That mare has a powerful right hook..." I admitted, speaking to myself more than the colt. At his age he shouldn't know what a right hook was. Getting back to the investigation at hoof, I looked back down at the recreation (ignoring the large fluffy bunny). "Did your daddy or Feathery come out of the house?"
"Um... yeah - but only when the police ponies got there. They were finding things for Grandpa."
I nodded, storing the information in my memory (which I was hoping would suffice - taking notes always seemed rude in front of foals). "Have you heard anything since the accident?"
"I know Grandpa's with Princess Celestia now," Quartz's pink eyes swelled with unknown sadness, "Mommy told me that. But she's lying - if Princess Celestia had him, she'd give him back."
"Very true," I agreed sagely, stunned slightly by the maturity of a colt who could be no older than Lullaby. At his age, I didn't even think it was possible for my parents to lie. I was about to say good bye to the colt when a voice sounded from outside the door.
"Are you talking to somepony, Quartz?" I froze where I was, looking for an escape. It would take too long to wriggle through the window again.
"No, Daddy!" Quartz shouted back, trying to hide his fear that I might be found. Sometimes, the strongest loyalty can be found in foals.
The door handle turned and I moved instinctively.
"I heard talking..." Good Conduct muttered. By the sounds of it, he wasn't drunk any more, but still sounded rough. I could imagine the red-rimmed eyes and possibly even the stubble of an unshaven beard.
"I was just playing," Quartz explained innocently, trying not to glance at me balanced on the cupboard behind the door. After hiding the visits of the family maid for several years, this colt was growing into a competent liar. This could have made it a little harder to believe what he'd already told me, considering the fact that somepony could already have asked him to lie to me. I left it to deal with later.
Presently, I realised that Good Conduct might recognise the scene, so felt it was my duty to prevent this happening.
I jumped over the door so that I landed with a graceful thunk behind the stallion, facing him as he span around in surprise.
"I have been looking for you, Good Conduct." I smiled, noting the panic that rose in his eyes.
"Where did you come from?"
"Your butler just let me in," I lied, brushing off the comment. Before I could walk out of here, however, I would need a reason for trying to find him... "I want to gather everypony that was at the Summer Sun Celebration party at the manor this afternoon. I believe I am about to make a break-through, and want everypony to be present."
"Oh..." He glanced at his son before facing me again, knowing that not coming would definitely prove suspicious. It also meant that I would need to reveal the murderer in front of a crowd, because I really needed the extra pressure...
"If you could be there at exactly one o'clock with your family, I would be most grateful." I explained with a smile that suggested he had little choice in the matter.
"Certainly." He replied stiffly; rather unlike the previous conversations we'd had. Maybe the presence of his son made him feel less comfortable.
With a blunt nod, I turned to trot back down stairs, giving a sly wink to Quartz as I left. Inevitably, I ran into Hob, their servant, on my way out. With ease and confidence, and perhaps a mildly flirtatious pout, I told him that he had let me in earlier, and was letting me out again now.
So I left knowing that a certain butler hated my common guts, but was too polite to say so.
Armed with my new information, I did go to the manor. The police would be there, nevertheless, I was long past caring - I could talk to ponies without them noticing if I needed to.
By the time I got there it was nearly eleven o'clock, and the sky had finally turned grey for the first time in over a week. The first delicious droplets of rain had started to drift down. I removed my sunglasses to savour the moment, bracing myself for the ponies I would have to face inside.
I entered through an unlocked window, wondering why there weren't more thieves in Equestria - it would certainly have been a lucrative job for a light-hoofed unicorn or pegasus. Don't ask about earth ponies - I could barely understand how they opened doors, let alone picking a locked one. Another good reason to have more thieves would have been to provide myself with more reasonable work - avoiding solving complicated murders.
I supposed these were the problems you had to get over when you agreed to live in a peace-loving, morally-guided country. If I had wanted crime, I should have moved to the Griffon Empire. At least they had good whiskey there...
Not entirely knowing where to find them, I wandered into the halls of the west wing, recalling the turns that Featherlight had led me and Conundrum down. The luxurious décor didn't have quite the same imposing power it had on me the first time I'd seen it. Now the sinful reds and endless blacks looked like an exuberant front, trying to hide the stains and scars beneath. It was not as open and beautiful as the east wing, where, while being blindingly bright, it at least looked natural and unforced. The door I stopped beside hid perhaps the biggest fraud.
I knocked and waited for the commanding, "Enter!"
"Bold Enterprise." I greeted him without my previous smile.
"Nocturne, is it? I had been expecting Feather-fright with elevenses, but this is a pleasant surprise!" He flashed that practised grin, expecting me to play along. I had better things to be doing.
Trotting into the room, I took the chair opposite him before he could stand up and offer it. Removing the pencil and paper from my bags at my own pace, I commanded the situation with my own authority. Before me, our previous notes rested accusingly.
"I have enough evidence to pin you with a motive for killing Gently Articulate." I stated boldly, looking directly at the stallion, daring him to contradict me. "So you had better explain what you were discussing with Lady Grace on the night of the party, or I might just have to arrest you first and ask questions later."
"Why, she asked me why I was in such a foul mood - which, might I say, I was fully in my own right to be i-"
"Don't lie to me," I interrupted, not looking away, "I think that she knew all about your attempted proposal already, and you were discussing what to do next."
"I don't see why you are asking me this - haven't you heard that Perfect Eloquence has already been arrested?" He was becoming defensive and crossed his hooves across his chest.
"Oh, please, you don't believe that Perfect killed her father, and your business partner - you just want this case closing before anything can be exposed. And so does Lady Grace."
"I don't know what you're insinuating -"
"Yes, you do," I argued, feeling the buzz of adrenaline boosting my confidence, "and Lady Grace knows far more than she's letting on as well." He didn't reply, keeping his teeth firmly clenched together. I had never expected him to admit to anything - he was a smart stallion, and there was no reason for him to tell me. So I was left with Conundrum's favourite pastime - wild speculation - which, in all honesty, had been the only thing fuelling this interview in the first place.
"Lady Grace will obviously have different motivations for trying to marry off her daughter," I mused, "but I dare say that Gently Articulate planned it with both of you, and that you were both fully aware of what was going to happen. Maybe the dear Lady didn't trust her only son with the business she had helped to build, or she wanted her own status to rise by having a well-married daughter along with the possibility of more grandfoals - which, might I add, is incredibly unlikely now. Perhaps she was even allowed her own portion of the business if she gave Perfect some mother-to-daughter advice to persuade her to take you."
As I spoke, I watched Enterprise carefully, wondering if my guesses might at least cause him to get a little bit annoyed. He was the kind of stallion I wanted to annoy.
"So when she refuses to take you, you go to the mother to see if she could talk some sense into her." I casually waved a hoof and curled a lip skywards. "We all know that would never have worked. So what was the back up plan...? Make Good Conduct give up his share of his own freewill? Unlikely considering how much he relies on the money, as you well know. How about finding a loophole in the will - although, with this much money, I dare say that Gently had plenty to make sure his will was done properly. Or how about..." I tapped a hoof on my chin. Suddenly a rather horrifying possibility jumped into my head. It was wrong - like any of Conny's suggestions - but it would certainly anger Enterprise and his pride.
"Or..." I drew out the conclusion luxuriously. "You were going to plan a little murder and reap the rewards. How about killing Good Conduct (he wasn't helping anypony anyway), taking his share, and then... well, Lady Grace would still have her part of the business (which I know she has), so how to take that? Easy - you kill Gently Articulate and marry his widow. Quite simple really."
"How dare you suggest that?" He roared, not the only pony here with a short fuse. "He was my partner and friend - I would never have killed him!"
"Not intentionally..."
"Never! Impossible!" He stood up to confront me, glaring down with those commanding eyes. I could bet that those eyes had caused a few ponies to give him what he wanted - and not all of it legal. "Perfect Eloquence killed him in her rage - she always had a temper! Couldn't be trusted!"
"Talking about ponies losing their tempers..." I goaded, adding quickly, "And if Perfect would kill her father for trying to marry her off, she should also have killed you, and her mother."
"She had no idea that Lady was involved!"
I smiled, building up my arsenal of information. "I dare say that's why Lady Grace left the study quickly when her daughter arrived - not to give her privacy with her father, but to avoid the realisation that she was also involved. If Perfect knew, then there'd be no way for Lady Grace to reconcile the two of you - her daughter would never trust her!" An angry grunt confirmed my speculations. I decided that maybe Conny was right to throw around impossible scenarios - sometimes, they led you to the right answer. In addition to this, you also needed an actual witness to shout them at, and a reasonable degree of plausibility.
"You can't prove any of that." He declared, taking a step back, though not sitting down.
"Well - say somepony else killed Gently Articulate - that would still leave the possibility of you marrying the widow and removing the son from the business." I stood up, my own business settled here. "Quite convenient really."
"You still cannot prove it!" He shouted after me as I moved towards the door.
"Doesn't matter if I could - it isn't illegal to marry widows." Though the business you inherited would be, I thought silently. I wasn't ready for Enterprise to know what I had discovered about The Exclusive Collection, so it was safer for me to keep quiet and leave. "I am arranging a meeting at one o'clock with all of the witnesses in the garden. I expect to see you there." With that the door slammed shut behind me. Once outside of the room, I allowed myself a celebratory somersault. Enterprise had told me far more than he had intended and I ever expected.
Before Enterprise could say anything, I went to find the poor grieving widow.
Lady Grace was not in the main reception room. Having no idea where else she could be, I flagged down Featherlight before the police guards could notice me stalking around the house.
"Featherlight, I need to know where Lady Grace is."
"Oh! Hello Miss Nocturne!" She squeaked in surprise - I had just found her peering beyond the police barrier. She turned to face me nervously, pretending to have never been looking past the tape.
"Do you know where Lady Grace is?"
"I just took her tea - she's in her room." The pegasus kicked a hoof uncomfortably. "Have you heard, Miss Nocturne? They have... well, arrested Perfect Eloquence!"
"So ponies keep telling me."
"I could swear she never did it!" Featherlight exclaimed forcefully. I have to say, it startled me slightly. "She would never, ever do anything like that!"
"I know."
"You know? Oh, well, that's good..." she smiled slightly before lowering her head to the floor, "I just want all of this to be over, that's all - so things can go back to normal."
I couldn't answer her request, so asked her to show me to Lady Grace's room instead. On the way, I couldn't help wondering aloud. "What were you looking at in the crime scene? The police might get suspicious if you keep hanging around it." I made sure to say this in a friendly manner, but Featherlight jumped at the question.
"Oh, um, I was just, well - those stains have been there for so long - and it will be me that has to get them out."
"If I were you, I'd just replace the carpet." I confided, watching the mare trot ahead of me quickly.
"Yes, well - I might." She still didn't seem settled with that reply, causing her tail to swish frantically. "My best knife is in that kitchen, and I'd quite like it back - I, uh, it was my mother's."
I nodded before actually voicing my agreement, realising that she wouldn't have seen my nod. It seemed that she had a lot of things that were her mother's. Not that I knew anything about the mare - so I couldn't exactly speculate. Nopony around here ever seemed to mention Featherlight, let alone her previous generations.
"Here we are," she offered with a relieved sigh, "I'm afraid I have work to do downstairs." She turned tail and trotted off, not even bothering to knock and open the door, as she had done every time before now. I hadn't even had a chance to ask her to join the meeting in the garden this afternoon.
Nevertheless, I wasn't above knocking on a door for myself, so raised a hoof and thumped the wood.
"Enter," a refined voice called, and continued to say, "you need not be here, Featherlight, I have not finished yet and the tea is fine."
"It's not Featherlight," I replied, shutting the door behind me, "it's Nocturne - one of the detectives you employed."
"Oh." I had caught her unaware, and she was without the handkerchief she had previously covered her face with. A small table had been pulled up beside her armchair, holding a small china tea pot and cup, and a platter of ginger biscuits (by the smell of them). "Is your supervisor accompanying you today?"
"No, he has business elsewhere," I confessed dryly, sitting on the floor in front of her, "but he's not required to be here at present. I just need to ask you a few final questions." I took out my note pad and held it in a wing, not wanting her to see what was written. "Actually, I have something to tell you first."
"I am already aware that my daughter has been arrested." She didn't appear too distressed at this revelation, but she had always been reserved. "Should the case be solved by the Equestria Police Force before you have come to a conclusion, I shall be terminating your contract."
"Ah - our contract. I'll address that problem later." I smiled, trying to remain in control. It was a lot harder to manipulate a mare who was used to everything being how she wanted it. "As for the police, I shouldn't worry - they're barking up the wrong tree." Lady Grace refused to react, undoubtedly questioning my abilities. I remained calm - I knew what I had to do, I didn't need an ageing mare to tell me what would happen if I didn't.
"So what is it that you need to tell me?"
"I know that you lied to me, on the day we started investigating. I know that you were in fact in discussion with Bold Enterprise rather than Pink Diamond."
"May I ask how that should be significant?" Her eyes narrowed, causing lines to blossom from her eyes. "Can I not talk to an old friend without undue speculation?"
"It depends what you were talking about," I shrugged, "the weather and latest fashions are perfectly acceptable topics. However," I looked directly at those watery grey eyes, "it has been confirmed by Enterprise that you were part of the discussion to marry your daughter off to this 'old friend'. It has also been revealed that the two of you were conspiring to remove your son from the business. Furthermore," I insisted before she could interrupt, "after the death of your husband, you have been hatching a plan to marry Enterprise so that you might share the business. Oh, yes, I do know that you own a fair share of The Exclusive Collection. You can't claim that you didn't interfere in the company - I bet you helped set it up." I stole a glance around the bedroom. Unlike the private study, it was filled with fine art; paintings, sculptures, and a very nice woven rug. She was probably the one to suggest starting an art trading company.
"None of this can be proved."
"Funny - that's what Enterprise said." The mare glared at me. She had probably never faced such a rude, impertinent guest in her entire life. Even if she had, she could at least throw out the other guests. I, on the other hoof, was going nowhere. "Obviously, if this is true, it wouldn't be a crime (depending on how you remove your son) - though it does question your credibility as a witness."
"At the time, I was in shock after the death of my husband," the lady hid behind her protection as a widow, "so you cannot blame me for my information."
"I suppose that now, a few days later, you might be able to recall the scene a little better?" It was a cruel dig - this mare had lost her husband. Nevertheless, without Conundrum hovering over my shoulder, I was finding it a lot easier to be rude to witnesses. "You sent your son inside to deal with the maid's clumsiness, so that you could discuss your plan to remove him from the company in private - oh, and probably work out how to gently encourage Perfect to accept Enterprise - but that could wait. I dare say Good Conduct had been scrounging off of your hard-earned business for years..."
"Perhaps when you have foals," Lady Grace replied tautly, "you will understand the disappointment I feel towards my son. He was given a fine - and expensive - education. He had been promised a place in the business as soon as he was born. Despite this, he has neglected his duties, he gambles away the money he is given, and yet my husband refused to cut him out of the business. I knew that the colt had had a few too many chances, and needed to learn how to behave."
"A little late now - he must be nearly thirty. Most foals have these lessons when they're ten." I smiled with superiority. I didn't have (or want) foals - instead, I had a particularly wonderful niece.
Lady Grace pursed her lips. "I accept that maybe both of my foals were spoilt, and are far too ungrateful towards my efforts to raise them well."
"I suppose it doesn't surprise you then that one of them is going to prison?"
"Perfect always had such a temper - I knew it would never serve her well. But I did not expect it to come to this." Despite this admission, she seemed pretty settled about it.
I had found out all I wanted to know, and was starting to feel hungry. Time to wrap this up, get lunch, and reveal a murderer.
"Thank you, Lady Grace, for your time." I stood up, trying not to stretch too vigorously. "I shall unveil my findings at one o'clock in the garden today. I ask that you be present." I would be expecting her to pay me my fee then. Not that I knew how much the fee would be.
I had just over an hour before the show would get under way, and had just remembered that I still needed to see another pony. Deliberately walking in the open, it didn't take long for a police guard to notice that I shouldn't be in the manor. It took even less time for them to deposit me unceremoniously in front of Detective Inspector Classic Corduroy.
"Hello, again!" I greeted warmly. He did not return my smile.
"Miss Nocturne. Very suspicious to find you sneaking around here - especially considering that you are still a suspect."
"Actually, in case you have forgotten - The Misdemeanour Private Detective Agency was employed by Lady Grace to solve this crime. I am merely working." I waved a hoof nonchalantly. "You, however, should surely be at the station, interviewing Perfect Eloquence?"
The detective laughed slightly. "Now, little mare - Nocturne, was it? From one investigator to another, I'll have you know that this crime has already been solved. It will be officially announced this afternoon. Sorry about your dreams of being a proper investigator, but being lumbered down with dear Conny would ruin the dreams of anypony."
"And I'll have you know that I am making my own announcements at one o'clock this afternoon. I believe you should be present to witness it. Oh - and bring Perfect Eloquence."
"You don't seriously think your word against ours will have any weight?"
"Ah, maybe - but unlike you, I shall get a confession." The look on his face suggested that Perfect had not been forthcoming with her confession. Rightly so, seeing as she didn't do it. "I shall also be revealing some more information that you will have to follow up, I've done all of the research for you, but you'll have to put in the effort of the actual arrests. I tend not to carry hoofcuffs on me." I could tell he was simmering with rage at my arrogance. Contrary to this, he would definitely turn up - the possibility of me being hideously proved wrong was too much temptation for Inspector Corduroy.
With that, I turned from where we were stood (which happened to be the garden), and took to the air. The air was feeling very close and muggy, the atmosphere stifling with the anticipation of rain. Maybe planning the meeting to be outside wasn't such a good idea... nevermind - I would enjoy a cool downpour, even if the witnesses didn't.
I interrupted my flight across the city to grab a blueberry muffin, which was consumed on the journey back to the office. It had occurred to me that the police might not make the arrests I wanted if I didn't actually have the evidence with me. I figured the photographs and the knowledge of where to find the actual documents would be enough proof. But first I needed to collect them.
Thankfully, they were exactly where I had left them on my desk, so stuffed them into my saddle bags quickly, along with a few other bits and pieces that I thought would come in useful. Finally, taking one of my few precautions, I jotted out the timeline I thought was correct - with a few revised sections to take into accounts the lies we had been fed. Now was no time to be acting on false information.
All I had to do was fly back...
By ten to one the garden was already filling with ponies. Far more than I had been expecting, actually. The butterflies in my stomach started turning somersaults.
I set down my saddle bags on the path that ran beside the house. Thinking about it, I hadn't really been in the garden since the incident. They had cleaned the blood off the grass very well - you would never know that somepony had died out here.
Taking the chance to look around (having been rather busy on my previous visit), I surveyed the surroundings. Behind me, the kitchen was to my right, with wide windows looking out onto the patio. I decided that if I ever had a garden, a patio would be nice - theirs was several meters wide in the shape of a benevolent sun, but I was sure a smaller one with moon tiling would be just as effective. Possibly - I was no gardener, but this one seemed pretty.
To my left spread the lawn. This was where the party had been commencing on the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration. They must have had blankets and cushions spread out on the day, all of which had been cleared away. Beyond the patio and the lawn, boarders and bushes sprang up. These angled to either side of the path, funnelling any walkers down it into the flower garden. Further down must have been the pond that Perfect Eloquence pushed Enterprise into.
However, the garden was nowhere near as idyllic as I was describing it. Ponies thronged around in all directions - enough to make my wings start to sweat. Lady Grace and Enterprise were talking together, possibly planning what to do about my discoveries. I shared a secret smile with myself - I still had a lot more to reveal. Good Conduct and his family had arrived. He shifted nervously on his feet, still looking rough from the days of alcohol abuse. Quartz Crystal was trying to catch my eye without it looking too obvious. I winked back before he could make a fool of himself.
Then there were the ponies I had never seen in my entire life. All with cameras around their necks, notebooks floating at their sides, sporting the inflated egos of ponies about to make it big. Journalists. Of course - they had probably come for the police statement, but had been offered the treat of tearing apart a relatively amateur detective. My stomach and its resident butterflies fell through my tummy and splattered messily on the floor. Gritting my eyes tightly shut, I hoped they would go away if I prayed for long enough.
Peering open an eye as much as I dared, I discovered that they had not disappeared.
"Miss Nocturne?" A stallion's voice greeted me. I opened my eyes fully and turned to my right. Beside me was a unicorn of average height with a portly figure. I guessed he must have been nearing retirement age.
"Yes, that's me," I replied in a small voice. I had just identified the uniform he wore.
"I'm the Chief of the Equestrian Police Forces, Keen Justice." He shook my hoof firmly. "I have been following this case with great interest - it is so rare for a crime of this significance to ever occur on our peaceful shores. So when my inspector informed me that you were going to reveal your own findings, I just had to come along and listen. It is fascinating to see how other ponies come to their conclusions!" I smiled politely, while feeling like some foul creature floating in a specimen jar, just discovered on the back shelf of a forgotten cupboard - unusual and unique, but inevitably going to end up in a bin when the cleaners came around.
"Thank you, sir. I hope I won't disappoint." He grinned encouragingly and trotted back to his own entourage. Classic Corduroy and several other officers were with him. Placed slightly aside from them was Perfect Eloquence in a pair of hoofcuffs and a horn ring (to prevent the use of magic).
I turned back to the house, spotting the one pony left inside. Featherlight.
I waved her over, waiting for her to come down. It took some time - she couldn't use the normal back door, and had been one floor up. Slightly impatient, I wished she would just spread her wings and fly down. Maybe other ponies didn't like doing that in polite company... Eventually, she snook out into the garden, coming up to me uncomfortably.
"Why are there so many ponies?" She asked, hiding behind her mane. Nopony was actually looking at us, but the act seemed to make her a little happier.
"We're bringing the case to a close," I said with a satisfied sigh, "I'd appreciate it if you could attend now - I'm sure you can be excused from your work for now."
"Oh, okay, Miss Nocturne," she nodded slowly, "it would be nice to finish this..." She walked away from me, but stood away from the crowds. With everypony present, there was no reason to postpone any longer. Well, except for my churning stomach and sweaty sides. I scrunched up my eyes and breathed deeply. I had faced worse, I told myself - I just couldn't remember exactly what they were at the time.
"Attention, please!" I shouted, opening my eyes, "Could I have your attention, please?" A few ponies turned around, but the majority were still absorbed in their own conversations. I held a hoof up to my lips and whistled shrilly. "ATTENTION!"
That got them to turn around.
"Could I please have the witnesses sat at the front," I called, indicating directly in front of me, "then the police, and finally the journalists and sight-seers at the back. Nopony invited you, and I want to pretend that you aren't actually here!"
Slowly lines began to form. Perfect was pushed forwards so that she was between the lines of police and other witnesses. Lady Grace sat beside her 'old friend' modestly. Featherlight made sure to sit as far away from Good Conduct as possible at the end of a row.
"Now, before I reveal the murderer, I would like to announce another revelation that myself and my colleague discovered during this investigation." I paused, quickly saying, "I should apologise for my associate, Complex Conundrum, not being present today - he has important business to attend to." I wondered if he had even received my letter. The rate the Equestrian Postal Service ran at, he would probably hear about this in the newspapers before he even got my letter.
"We initially considered that there was a discrepancy when we were first employed - for we were fully aware that the Equestrian Police Force was already investigating. So why should Lady Grace, widow to the late Gently Articulate, wish to employ The Misdemeanour Private Detective Agency?" I made sure to mention the entire mouthful - if this went well, the publicity might just get us some more work. If not... well, it wasn't like we had been getting much work anyway. "It was not until yesterday that we discovered the truth. For Lady Grace did not want the police investigation, because they might have stumbled upon the fact that The Exclusive Collection isn't entirely legal! But if you had private investigators, one might just be able to bribe them into keeping quiet."
I waited for the gasps to subside, studying the widow intensely. Her firm gaze met mine. She didn't confirm it, but she wasn't trying to deny it either. She was trapped, and hadn't been prepared. I allowed myself the tiniest of smiles.
"Obviously, she tried to minimise the risk of discovery, and hid the key to her late husband's private documents, which were secreted in his study." I reached into my saddle bags and removed the photographs. "Here, I have evidence of those documents, which detail the process by which operatives of The Exclusive Collection were told to steal art from ancient cultures. As well as this, there is proof of art being smuggled in to avoid taxes, and an estimated sum of stolen art which totals several thousand bits!"
More gasps rose up from the journalists, but I was focusing on the family. Obviously, Lady Grace and Enterprise looked angry for being discovered, though Good Conduct managed a slightly surprised frown. It was possible that he didn't know - I didn't think that his mother would have allowed him close enough to the business to find out. Pink Diamond's face was the most entertaining. I hadn't realised before then that pony eyebrows could reach so high - it was like they were trying to escape from her forehead.
"In response to this, I believe the owners of the company should be tried in court, and that the company should be disbanded or shared between existing, legal art traders." I replaced the photographs in my bags, noticing that the Detective Inspector was having some hurried discussions with his minions.
"This leads me to the actual reason why we are here - to solve a murder." I looked across at the ponies assembled slowly. "With no intended disrespect to the Equestrian Police Force," I saved a special grin for Classic Corduroy, suggesting that I meant every disrespect imaginable, "I feel that I must declare that they were wrong to arrest Perfect Eloquence - for she did not murder her father! With a full hour between the her leaving the study and the attack, there is no reason for it to be fuelled by the anger of an arranged marriage. She was also seen by Quartz Crystal at her bedroom window when Gently Articulate left the building, after being stabbed. Providing her with an alibi."
"She could have ran back up after the attack!" One of the police officers had called this out.
"Have you tried running that distance?" I countered, exhilarated by the challenge. This was my show - a little police officer wasn't going to fault my evidence. "The time for a bleeding stallion to walk down a hall is much shorter than it would take to run back upstairs and remove the blood stains. It would be impossible unless the unicorn knew how to teleport. Unlikely, considering that Perfect Eloquence specialises in speaking and learning the languages of different animal species." I took the time to look at Perfect. She was currently glaring at the police behind her, but I was sure that I would get a grateful smile later.
"So who did it?" I began to pace in front of my audience, starting to relax into the show. "Perhaps it would be better to ask where was the crime committed. Because it certainly wasn't in Gently Articulate's study." I pulled out a different photograph - the one with the blood stain trail. "I saw this - the trail of blood - and found it rather unusual. From the study to the kitchen, there were smears; drawn out and pulled across the floor. After that, until the trail reached outside, the patches were more like splodges - as if the blood had dripped in significant quantity. The reason for this - the trail from the study to the kitchen was put there by somepony else!"
Sound erupted from the crowd. Blocking it out, I stared at one poor mare, so pale I couldn't have told you that her coat was originally yellow. She wasn't looking back at me, but she knew it was her I was focussing on.
Somepony silenced the crowd so that I could continue speaking again.
My gaze softened - I didn't want to say this.
"And I'm sorry, Featherlight," several faces turned on the mare, "because you didn't kill Gently Articulate, but you did have to cover it up. That's a prison sentence for tampering with evidence and misleading investigators." She broke down - unused to the pressure, and, as I suspected, genuinely sorry. "To have mopped the blood from the kitchen floor, and to have re-painted it in a false trail while hiding your actions from a panicking household takes a lot. And I dare say that you would never have done it, except for him."
There were only murmurs this time, but there was clear unrest amongst the crowd. Coincidentally, I just heard Pink Diamond ask her husband, "Who is this - nopony told me that Featherlight had a coltfriend!"
"Please, m-miss," Featherlight whimpered, "I d-don't want to hear this..."
I ignored her, knowing my resolve would break if I let myself listen. He was a murderer and he had to be punished by law.
"Because after being friends from foalhood, you became lovers, which must have been difficult after his arranged marriage." I shifted my gaze from Featherlight and settled on Good Conduct. "It is rather an unfortunate name; Good Conduct. Considering your long-term affair, your gambling debts, your alcoholism, and the murder of your father." The stallion just hung his head, oblivious to his wife's shrieks, and his mother's professed grief, and his lover's eyes trying to catch his own.
"You see," I continued, waiting for the noise to subside, "at this party, Featherlight intentionally dropped something - giving her lover an excuse to come inside and see her. This also gave Lady Grace and Bold Enterprise the opportunity to discuss cutting Good Conduct out of the business. As you must understand, after years of siphoning off the company funds, Good Conduct's family were tired of financing his bills, and wanted him out. While leaving the garden and entering the hall, Good Conduct overhears these plans. Infuriated, he tells his lover." I paused to take a breath or two. "Gently Articulate, just down the hall, hears the ensuing discussion in the kitchen - possibly even catching his only son in a compromising position with his maid. This angers the stallion - he had given his son several chances to change, but this ends his previously forgiving nature. For Gently Articulate had also been hoping to remove his son from the business. While he had previously hoped for a dignified and considered transferral of the business to his partner Bold Enterprise, this caused him to lose his temper.
"Now, I am unaware of the specifics of the ensuing argument." I looked softly between the two lovers, though neither met my gaze. "I can only assume that it involved Gently Articulate threatening to end Good Conduct's allowance - leaving him to deal with his own substantial debts alone. Possibly worse - alerting his wife to his unfaithfulness, removing him from the will -"
"Disowning me." A voice croaked. I saw Good Conduct staring at me levelly. Red-rimmed eyes now looked exhausted, any anger having been lost.
"Disowning him..." I repeated. I stopped my pacing and considered the situation. "So out of anger of discovery, and fear of being left without income along with the crippling debts, you lashed out. A kitchen has plenty of knives. It's too easy to just pick one up and lash out." I didn't say it, despite knowing that the murder weapon was Featherlight's best knife. Why else would she have been so worried about it? Maybe there were still some stains on it.
"Do you confess to this?" I think it was the Chief of Police that asked that. Good Conduct didn't even bother to turn around to face him.
"Yes."
A stunned silence filled the garden. It was then that the first spots of rain began to fall. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"That's all I have to say." I announced, taking a step back. It was then that chaos ensued. Police ponies jumped up, clasping hoofcuffs on half of the family - Good Conduct and Featherlight (neither of which struggled at all) - as well as Bold Enterprise and Lady Grace for their illegal business (both of whom tried to fight back - one poor officer had to suffer from the old mare's powerful buck. Ouch!) The family that weren't being arrested protested loudly; Perfect wanted to be let out of her hoofcuffs, Pink Diamond was demanding to know how long the affair had lasted, and finally Quartz Crystal was asking what in Equestria was going on, and why had they arrested his daddy.
I felt sorry for the foal - he had seemed happier with his father's lover than his actual mother. It would be difficult to have to only live with her for now on.
Journalists were flocking the scene. Any second now, one of them would corner me for an interview. Exhausted after the presentation, I slipped on my saddle bags and approached Classic Corduroy, who was trying to restrain Lady Grace.
"I want paying." I stated bluntly. I was too tired for niceties.
"Why should I pay you?" The Detective's moustache wriggled disapprovingly.
"Because I just solved your case for you, and told you about illegal business practices. I should at least get a shiny penny and a pat on the head."
"You are just some silly filly pretending to -"
"Obviously, your fee will be dealt with in due course." The friendly voice of the Chief announced, appearing at my side. I didn't catch the look he gave Corduroy.
"What about our agency's fees?" I turned to the shackled mare, feeling rather superior, "We solved your murder like you asked, and that doesn't come free."
"I ought to have -"
"What?" I interrupted, "Bribed us at the start so none of this would have happened? Sorry, Lady, but that was never going to happen."
She looked like she wasn't even going to reply to me, but eventually she spat out, "I wrote two cheques earlier. They're in my room."
I smiled back gratefully, and, upon seeing the advancing wall of journalists, kicked up into the air, ready to let myself in through a nearby window and collect my rent money.
Perhaps, I considered, I ought to start using doors properly...