//------------------------------// // Tear a Photo, It Won't Last Longer // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “Okay... grnnghh...!” Rainbow Dash strained as she guided the heavy artpiece out of the noisy apartment and into the hallway beyond. “Just push... a little bit longer...!” “Hey!” Trenderhoof belched. “I'm not popping out any foals! Are you?!” “You kidding?!” Suri hiccuped. “I've spilled triplets by now!” “Did you send them to—HIC!—school yet?!” “No, ya stupid! It's the—HIC!—weekend!” “Hah hah hah hah!” “Good news, sweethearts!” Rainbow sputtered and waved for them to stop. “You can stop pushing now!” “Awwwww... but I wanna be a—HIC—grandmother!” “Then friggin' adopt! Now cut it out!” Suri and Trenderhoof fell back on their haunches. “Awwwww poop,” Trenderhoof uttered, teetering. “Hey... Photo Finish...” Suri squinted blearily at Rainbow Dash. “How come you sound like Madame Firefly all of the sudden?” “Uhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow Dash winced behind her shades. “Let's just say that awesomeness runs off on me.” “I'll buy that for a dollar!” Trenderhoof said. “Heeheehee!” Suri leaned back and forth. She blinked. “Just what is a 'dollar' anyway?” “I dunno!” Trenderhoof grinned. “I just made it up!” “Hee hee hee hee!” “Bwa ha ha ha ha!” The two leaned into each other, guffawing. Loud crashing noises emanated from the apartment. Rainbow glanced back at the doorway, wincing. “Gotta make this quick...” She turned towards an elevator console and pressed the button repeatedly. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! At last, a door opened up. Without hesitation, Rainbow dove in, pressed the button for the highest floor, and dove back out. Breathless, she dashed towards an emergency box hanging on the opposite wall and pulled out a fire axe. Just as the doors began closing, she rushed back and slapped the axe in place so that it kept the outer doors pried open. Seconds later, the elevator car rose, exposing the empty shaft and an incredibly tall vertical chamber below. “That oughta do it...” Rainbow dusted her hooves off and shouted towards the pair. “One last thing, everypony! I need each of you to hold a door open!” “What, did a wasp get inside?” “Something like that! Just do this one thing and... uhm... ice cream.” “Ice cream?!” “Yeah! Mountains of it!” “Weeee!” Suri galloped over and gripped one door. “Careful of the fire axe! You too, Trenderhoof!” “Or else I'll be a knubby hoof!” “Oh, Celestia forbid!” “That's the spirit, you two!” As the pair held the door apart, Rainbow darted behind the giant collage of photos and shoved her back into it. “Rnnnnnghh... come on... come on ya friggin' photographic whale turd! Move!” At last, the wheels squeaked and the object slid across the hallway. It fit cleanly through the elevator doors, then plunged so fast down the shaft that Rainbow Dash had to backflip from the shaft altogether. As she regained her bearings, she heard several clattering sounds. She trotted back forward and looked down in time for her ears to be tickled with the enormously loud sound of the artpiece shattering to bits at the bottom. There was a noticeable shudder across Trenderhoof's and Suri's features. Down the hallway, Rainbow heard a wave of silence consuming the chaotic apartment soiree. “Heh...” Rainbow smiled sweatily. “I think that did it...” “Unnngh... why do I feel like a walrus just made love to my head?” Suri slurred. Rainbow yanked the pair from the doors, forcing them to close. “Would you rather have a diagram for what drinking does to your brain?” She sighed, ears folded. “Then again, hypocrite of the month here...” “Since when did you ever drink yourself fuzzy-silly, Photo?” Trenderhoof smirked. “I'll tell you all about it. But first...” Rainbow pressed another console. Ding ding ding! Another pair of doors opened. “How about getting some fresh air?” She shoved the two ponies into the elevator. “I'll meet you in the lobby in a few minutes. For real.” She gulped. “I... uh... am totally not going to ditch you two, throw my clothes off, and fly to a faraway town that you've never heard of by morning. Sw-swear to Luna.” “Whatever you say, Photo of the Month!” Suri saluted. “Keep on trucking!” “Or just running over Manehattanites with trucks!” “Yeah! What he said! Heeheehee!” The door closed on the giggling pair, and they swiftly descended. Rainbow Dash exhaled heavily. “I hope their livers don't put bounties out on me...” And she scampered back into the apartment. Once inside, the destruction wrought by the possessed ponies was more than obvious. Paintings hung crookedly off tattered frames. Granite statues lay in shattered bits. The floor was covered all over in broken champagne glasses and torn dresses. “Celestia...” Rainbow exhaled. “It's Spring Break all over again.” She blinked as—slowly and all around her—the ponies stirred and groaned, gradually getting up. “Well, they don't seem any worse for wear—” She winced while saying this, for she saw several of Don Canter's thugs among the ponies getting back up. “Ah jeez... uhhh... uhhhhm...” “Pssssssst!” Rainbow glanced across the room. Lancie stood half-hidded behind an overturned sofa. He gripped the large shard by its granite hand and motioned to Rainbow. Rainbow slid across the apartment and squatted beside him. “I gotta get us out of here, but we're going to need some cover.” “Like how?” Lancie sputtered. “You could drop three grenades in this Tartarus hole and still it wouldn't be enough distraction!” “Coming from you, I'm guessing that's a bad thing.” “I'm just trying to get into your headspace.” “Ew. Gross.” “So what now, Sparky?” “I've got an idea...” “And you're just gonna go spit it out, huh?” “Hey. Shut up.” Rainbow Dash stood atop the sofa and cleared her throat. “Attention! Attention! Uhhhh... Achtung! Schnell! Sprechen sie listen!” She waved her hooves wildly, catching the weary glances of multiple aching ponies. “I, Photo Finish, must humbly ask zat eferyvone of you geten sie out of zis apartment! Zis buildink, for zat matter!” “Nnnngh...” Sapphire Shores rubbed her aching skull. “Baby baby... wh-what in the hay happened?” “I say...” Fancy Pants winced. “I feel as though the royal vault of Canterlot has been dropped on my skull!” “Zere is a reason for zat!” Rainbow shouted. “Zere has been a gas leak! A terrible, deadly gas leak!” Several mares gasped and stallions stammered. “Ja! Fery anti-sehr gut!” Rainbow nodded. “Vhich is vhy I, Photo Finish, need eferypony to marchen sie out of here in an orderly and kalm faschion! Maken sie your vay to ze lobby of ze buildink and vait outside for ze policia!” “You ain't kiddin'!” Sapphire Shores said. “You heard the mare!” Filthy Rich exclaimed, waiving his forelimbs. “Everypony, single file! Out the door!” “Hold your breaths!” Fancy Pants added. One by one, the ponies made their hasty exit, murmuring nervously as they winced from their fresh bruises. In the meantime, Rainbow jumped down the couch and rejoined Lancie. “See? That wasn't so hard.” “Can we now make like a tree and perform an existential quandary in a forest far, far away?” Lancie hissed. “Please?” “I... c-can't help but feel as though I'm missing something...” “Then go miss it on your own!” Lancie growled, then proceeded to drag the shard towards one of the windows. “I'm sick and tired of this arc!” Nevertheless, Rainbow stood in place, fidgeting. At last, she gasped so hard that her purple shades nearly fell off her muzzle. “Gustav! Jaeger!” “Huh?” Lancie looked over his shoulder. “Oh, for the love of Mick Foaly!” Rainbow Dash was galloping down the apartment hallway. She took a hard left and kicked the door to the colts' room open. “Hans! The other Hans!” She fumbled around for a lightswitch. “Are you two okay?! Your... uh... mommy sent me to check on you two! There was a horrible gas leak and it messed up the party and—” At last, she flipped the lightswitch. A sharp gap escaped her throat. Both beds were empty. “Friggacrap!” Rainbow Dash wheezed. She dashed in, looked all around, and trembled. “Nnnnnngh...” She galloped back out into the hallway. “Good. You're back already,” Lancie droned. “Uhhh... go time?” “The Hanzes!” Rainbow's voice cracked. “The who?” “Photo's adorable mutant kids!” “What about them?” “They're gone!” Rainbow gritted her teeth. “But h-how could they be gone?! It's not like they laid eyes on Photo's 'masterpiece!' I don't get it! Where could they have—?” Rainbow heard a struggling sound from the door. She spun to look. Hans and the other Hans looked back at Rainbow Dash with wide eyes. If they yelled anything, the pegasus couldn't hear them from the gags placed over their mouths. As a matter of fact, they were presently being hauled out of the apartment door by several surly stallions. The thugs of Don Canter exited the apartment last, and two or three of them glanced back to give Rainbow Dash an evil smirk. “Uhhhhhh...” Lancie blinked. “...amber alert, much?” “Oh no...” Rainbow's muzzle went pale.