//------------------------------// // Bitter // Story: Gentle Red // by Collins4112 //------------------------------// A/N:Well, I know I pissed some people off, and I'm sorry for that, but I don't think it will change anything. I had thought it over for a long time and that is the decision I made. Yeah so those of you stick through this, I thank you. "Miscarried." The doctor finished. Ditzy felt dead inside. Why did this happen to me? Why, why, WHY!? Happy bucking Hearth's Warming to me. Ditzy thought to herself. Big Macintosh sat next to her, sadness spread across his face; he was chewing over this important bit of information. "How... did this happen?" Macintosh asked, his voice cracking between words. "Sometimes it just happens, sir." The medical pony responded. It just happens, huh? Why me? Why the foal? Why couldn't I carry the foal of the one I love, when I could when I was raped? Ditzy went on in her head. Ditzy felt tears well in her eyes, then finally break through the last bit of resolve she had left. Tears rolled down her cheeks in streams. Big Macintosh put a leg around her to try and comfort her. The doctor let them comfort each other before moving on. "We'll have to get the foal out soon." The doctor said. Ditzy looked up at with a miserable look on her face. "Why....not...now?" Ditzy demanded: the thought of carrying around her own dead foal haunted her. It would be mocking her for as long it was inside her. "It's the middle of the night..." The doctor went on. Ditzy looked outside… how nicely the darkness and bitterness of cold matched what she felt on the inside. "I can fit you in tomorrow...around 3 in the afternoon." "That would be fine, doc." Macintosh said quietly. Macintosh nuzzled her, but she pushed him away. The doctor gave her an apologetic look, before walking back to his office. Ditzy slowly stood up. Big Macintosh stood up with her. "Y'all want me to carry ya home?" Big Macintosh asked softy. "I can walk, thank you!" She yelled at him. He reeled for a moment, a surprisingly hurt look on his face. Then she felt worse for yelling at him. Ditzy walked on ahead of him out into the bitter cold of the winter night. Big Macintosh made several attempts to comfort her, but she ignored him. They arrived at their home a few minutes later. Ditzy opened the door to the house, and immediately marched off to bed. She plopped down on the bed. Macintosh came in a few moments later. "Ditzy...We need to talk about this." He said gently. She rolled over so she was facing the opposite direction. He sighed and lay on the bed next to her. Big Macintosh put a leg around her. She felt him shaking, ever so slightly. Ditzy felt even worse for ignoring him. With all her emotions swirling around in her head, she started to cry again. She slowly cried herself into a restless sleep. _____________ "It's time to wake up, Sugar Cube..." Big Macintosh said. Ditzy grunted, but opened her eyes anyway. Macintosh set a hot breakfast on the nightstand next to the door. The breakfast consisted of oatmeal and a glass of apple cider. He didn't say anything else, and began to walk slowly away. She looked at the meal. Ditzy thought, Damn it Ditzy! He's being so kind, and look at you, pathetic and bitter. You should be ashamed. No wonder I couldn't carry his foal, it would be too good for someone like me. "Thanks, Mac." She whispered: she didn't think he would have heard her, but he turned his head towards her. "You’re welcome, Sugar Cube." Macintosh said quietly back, and walked slowly out of the room. Ditzy sat up and put the tray of food onto her lap. She slowly ate the food and drank the cider. The cider made her feel a little bit better, like every pony else in Ponyville she loved Apple family cider. Ditzy heard some small hooves thump down onto the floor. Dinky trotted happily into Ditzy's bedroom. Dinky hopped onto the bed next to Ditzy. "Good mornin', mommy." Dinky said. She had been absorbing more of Macintosh's speech patterns, Ditzy thought it was cute. "Good morning, Muffin." Ditzy said quietly. Ditzy tried to keep the sorrow from her voice, but Dinky knew her mother too well to miss the sadness. "What's wrong?" Dinky asked with a face of true concern. Ditzy didn't want to share what happened out of self-loathing. "Nothing, Muffin." Ditzy said, trying to put some pep in her voice. Dinky looked at her questioningly. Dinky wasn't going to take that as an answer. "No...what's wrong?" Dinky asked again. Ditzy sighed: she knew she was going to have tell Dinky. "Dinky...mommy lost the foal." Ditzy said, her voice heavy with sadness. "Lost it? That's silly, it's inside you mommy." Dinky said matter- of- factly. The childlike optimum made Ditzy tear up, yet again. "No, Muffin, the foal died inside of me..." Ditzy trailed off. She wanted to say 'because I'm not good enough for a foal.' but she didn't. "What?" Dinky squeaked. Dinky put on a face of confusion mixed with fear. Ditzy felt that look tug at her heart. Dinky hopped onto her mother, spilling the last bit of food. Ditzy grunted with the weight of Dinky on her. "But, you still have the bulge." "Leave mommy alone, please Muffin." Ditzy muttered. Dinky had tears in her eyes as she left the room. Ditzy felt even worse than before. I am a failure as a mother and a foal carrier. Ditzy wiped the spilled bits of food off the sheets. She rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom to clean herself up. ___________ Ditzy didn't feel any better when she stepped out of the shower. She dried herself off, and walked back out into her bedroom. The bed had been made. Ditzy walked out into the kitchen, when she heard Macintosh and her best friend Carrot Top in the next room. "I'm so sorry for you, Mac." Carrot Top said in an empathetic tone. "Thank you, miss Carrot Top, but Ah fear that Ditzy is taking it too hard on herself." Macintosh said worriedly. Oh, Macintosh... If I was good enough for you, we wouldn't be in this mess. Ditzy thought to herself. "Do you know how it happened?" Carrot Top asked. Big Macintosh didn't say anything for a while, but she could hear from his heavy breathing that he was holding back tears. "The doc said that sometimes things like this happen, The foal's heart just...stopped..." Macintosh said with a silent sob. "Oh my..." Carrot Top stammered out, but she quickly regained her composure. "I should go talk to Ditzy." Carrot Top came through the door way to be face to face with Ditzy. Ditzy tried to back away, but she backed into a wall. "Hello Ditzy." Carrot Top said very gently. "How are you feeling?" "Umm...I don't want to talk about it." Ditzy whispered. Carrot Top took a step closer to her. Carrot Top knew this wasn't the time to push Ditzy into talking. Carrot Top just moved closer to her friend, and wrapped a leg around Ditzy. Ditzy leaned her head into Carrot Top. She started to heave dry sobs; she didn't have any more tears to cry with. Big Macintosh came into the room sometime later. "Sugar Cube...It's time to go..." __________ With the foal out of her she didn't feel any better. If fact, it made her feel even worse, because it solidified the fact that she had lost the foal...a failure. Ditzy sat and waited for the doctor to give his report. Macintosh hadn't been able to come in and comfort her, which Ditzy wished he could. The doctor trotted in with a stoic look on his face. "Well, as you know, we got the foal out, and there were no complications, so you are free to go. You have a good day now." Ditzy stood and began trudging to the waiting room. She came to a halt when she saw Macintosh surrounded by the four mares she had the misfortune to meet a few weeks before. "So she lost the foal?" One mare asked that was on his right. She had put stress on 'she' "Well...Ah'd say we lost the foal, but yes." Big Macintosh said sadly. "Well, obviously she isn't good enough for you if she can't carry your foal." Another mare said. Big Macintosh grunted at the remark. Ditzy started to back away, Ditzy thought to herself. Maybe I should just run away, and leave Dinky in the very capable hooves of Macintosh. "It wasn't her fault...these things just happen...” Big Macintosh said slowly. The mares pressed their bodies into him. "Maybe you should just dump the retard." One mare said rather loudly. Ditzy felt her heart drop to an even further low. "What did ya just say?" Macintosh bellowed. "No pony ever, EVER insults her like that! Now Ah know where I recognized y'all from, you're the mares from the diner! You told her that Ah wanted an abortion! Do y'all have any idea the trouble ya caused?" Big Macintosh was angry, it was the first time ever Ditzy had seen him mad. All she knew she didn't wanted it directed at her. He stomped his hoof, cracking some tile under it, and the mares started to back away. "Why can't ya leave her alone? She ain't done nothing to you, but I guess y'all wouldn't understand how to treat another pony! Now, leave before Ah get angry, and Ah don't want to see ya bother me or my future wife, EVER!" Big Macintosh blew steam out his nostrils. The mares started to gallop away, and the rest of the ponies in the waiting room were staring at him. Then he saw Ditzy, took a few deep breaths, and walked over to her. "Sorry ya had to see me like that, Sugar Cube, but they just got me so...angry, no pony should treat anypony else like that." Ditzy was still in awe of her large stallion, who had turned his fury into gentleness in an instant. She couldn't think of anything to say so she just leaned her head on his shoulder, as they quietly walked home. ____________ Ditzy lay in bed, even though it was 5 in the afternoon. She didn't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. She let her bitterness consume her. She lay in self-loathing. She felt that her fiancé had defended her for nothing, because she felt like she was nothing...worthless. Big Macintosh had taken Dinky out to play, so Ditzy laid alone. Then, she heard the door open, the hooves were too soft to be Macintosh's and too loud to be Dinky's. Ditzy recognized them as Carrot Top's. "Hey Ditzy, how are you feeling?" Carrot Top asked. Her face displayed a soft look. Ditzy turned over, to face away from Carrot Top. "Fine." "Oh no you’re not." Carrot said, determination evident in her voice. "Talk to me, please." "I don't want to talk about it..." Ditzy trailed off, so Carrot Top decided to try something else. "So do you want to talk about the wedding?" Carrot Top sat in the edge of the bed. This perked Ditzy's interest, finally something that wasn't about the foal. Carrot Top smiled inwardly at the sight of Ditzy's interest. "You're still having the wedding, right?" Ditzy didn't respond for a while, but finally replied: "Yes we are." "Good. Have you looked for a place for the ceremony?" Carrot Top asked gently. Ditzy looked up at her friend. "Yeah... We've narrowed it down to two places..." Ditzy mumbled. "The gazebo over by the pond, or just out in the orchard. It's the most beautiful spot though, especially when in the right light.” "That's nice, have you decided on anything else?" Carrot Top asked. Ditzy sat up in the bed. "Well...We're getting the cake from the Cakes... something Pinkie Pie calls the 'MMMMM' and we've almost got the invitation list nailed down...Mac has A LOT of family." Ditzy said, coming ever so slightly out of her bitter despair. "And Applejack assured me that she could get her friend Rarity to make the dress." "That's nice of her." Carrot Top decided to keep Ditzy talking. "I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress." "Yeah... It will most definitely be the most expensive thing I've ever worn." Ditzy actually smiled, just a tiny bit, but Carrot Top still saw it. "Have you already had it measured?" Carrot Top asked, then immediately regretted asking the question. "Y...yes, but I-I'll have to go and get it redone...because of..." Ditzy started to fall apart once again. Carrot Top scolded herself for making such a mistake. Ditzy laid back in bed once again, trying to ignore her friend. "Ditzy...." Carrot Top started. "You can't avoid talking about it forever." Ditzy didn't respond, she didn't move or make any noise, but then the front door opened again. The thud of Macintosh’s large hooves and the frantic click of Dinky's small hooves filled the house with noise. Macintosh walked slowly to the bedroom. His side spotted of snow on his side. He had a half smile on his face, but when he saw Ditzy still laying in bed his smile dropped. "Howdy, Miss Carrot Top." Macintosh said quietly, as he motioned his head to signal Carrot Top to give him a moment to speak with Ditzy alone. "Hello, Macintosh." Carrot Top said as she left the room. Ditzy looked up from the bed to see Macintosh looking down on her, his face didn't betray any emotions he was feeling at the moment. "What's with the snow?" Ditzy asked very quietly. "We had a snowball fight." Big Macintosh said, and he couldn't help but smile. "Dinky would have loved to have ya out there...So would Ah." "I don't want to go outside, ever." Ditzy whispered. "Why not?" Macintosh asked, his voice soft and gentle. "I don't want to talk about it..." Ditzy answered. She didn't want to talk to him, obviously. "Is it about the foal?" Big Macintosh asked, even though he knew the answer. "Yeah..." Ditzy mumbled. She felt something catch on in her throat. "Do ya want to talk about it?" Big Macintosh asked, but Ditzy shook her head no. "Well, then, ya know what Ah saw in Dinky's eyes today? Fear... She's scared, Sugar Cube. She's afraid that something might happen to ya, as if she feels like she did something to cause it... no little filly should feel like that." "It’s because she has a bad mother!" Ditzy lashed at him. She expected to see hurt in his eyes, but instead she saw a solid determination. "Ya aren’t a bad mom, Ditzy. Y'all are a very good one, in fact one of the best." Big Macintosh reassured her. "You don't understand Mac. I'm a failure! I couldn't carry your foal, but I could carry the foal of one who...raped me." Ditzy started to sob. "I'm not good enough for you...I'm not good enough...for any pony." Big Macintosh cradled her head in his hooves. She started to cry with a choking sound. "Sugar Cube, it wasn't your fault." "Yes it is!" Ditzy sobbed into him. He wrapped his leg around her. "Sugar Cube, it wasn’t your fault. It just happened, it hurts me too, but I have to be strong for you and more importantly, Dinky. She's scared, Ditzy and she needs her mother more than she needs me." Big Macintosh said. Ditzy thought on this a moment. "I'm sorry..." Ditzy cried more into Macintosh. "Ditzy, ya don't need to apologize. It gonna hurt for a long time, but the wounds need to be able to heal... Ah love you, and it hurts me to see ya this way." Big Macintosh said his voice cracking, and Ditzy hugged him. “Ah just want to help ya heal, Sugar Cube.” "Okay..." whispered, trusting her fiancé. A/N: Well, I know I made a lot of folt angry but this will make their relationship that much stronger. I thank my Beta reader for great reviewing.