A/N: Hello. I think you for coming to see another chapter of Gentle Red; I think the story is winding down.
We rejoin Ditzy a weeks later.
"Good mornin', Sugar Cube." Big Macintosh said gently as Ditzy's eyes fluttered open. She smiled slightly at him. Macintosh smiled back at her with a warm, gentle smile. Ditzy still felt...out of it, but she was making an effort to stay away from her previous deep hole of depression.
"Good morning, Mac." Ditzy said softly. Ditzy crawled out of bed. With a yawn, Ditzy kissed Macintosh on the cheek lightly. She gathered her mind, and she walked out into the kitchen, followed by Macintosh. She opened a package of muffins for her and Macintosh to share. They quietly ate the baked goods.
The day was cold and windy, blowing icy shards of snow across the ground, but that didn't mean Ditzy could take the day off. Macintosh put on a heavy scarf in preparation to leave the house. Macintosh had been helping her deliver the mail the past few days. Ditzy liked his presence, but still felt a pang of guilt anytime somepony brought up anything about the foal. Big Macintosh always tactfully deflected the questions away from Ditzy, and she appreciated that.
Ditzy put on her own scarf and hat, and she slid a pair of goggles over her eyes, to help stop snow from getting into her eyes. Big Macintosh also had goggles that he put on. They trudged through the heavy snow to the post office. Big Macintosh carried all the bags of mail, which meant she didn't have to make trips back to the post office.
The left the post office and went about Ditzy's usual route, but going a quite bit slower due to the snow blowing around. The snow stung Ditzy's sides as it whipped around wildly. The pain of the snow reminded of her of the slowly healing wound of the foal. Even with barely any link Ditzy stopped in her tracks as the snow enveloped her in sorrow, but then Big Macintosh used his body to block the slashing frost from hitting her. She smiled up at him; she didn't want to think about what would have happened if she had stopped in this blizzard without him there, so they soldiered on through the winter storm.
The mail was delivered fairly quickly; with Big Macintosh's help she finished work in about half the time it would have taken her in the storm. They made their way back home. Ditzy prepared some hot chocolate as Macintosh started a fire in the hearth.
Macintosh and Ditzy sat next to each other watching the fire, when Big Macintosh spoke up: "Ya did good today, Sugar Cube."
Ditzy looked down at the floor. On previous days, she had stopped a lot more than once, but Macintosh would always wait patiently for her.
"Thanks, Mac..." Ditzy trailed off. Big Macintosh smiled gently at her. She scooted closer to him, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.
"Ya think we should explain what happened to the foal to Dinky today?" Mac asked softly. Ditzy was about to shake her head no, but changed her mind and nodded. Macintosh gave her a reassuring smile and nuzzled her.
"But...I want to know what happened first." Ditzy spoke softly. Macintosh looked at her with a face that questioned her request.
"The doc said sometimes things like this happen." Macintosh said.
"I just need closure, Mac." Ditzy sighed. Big Macintosh sighed as well.
"Ya might not like the answer." Macintosh warned, not to discourage but to make sure she thought it over.
"I know! I just want closure!" Ditzy lashed out at him. Macintosh didn't look fazed, he had gotten used to her sudden spouts of anger. He knew that she didn't really mean to get angry at him, but that didn't make Ditzy feel any better for yelling at him. "Sorry Mac."
"It's alright Ditzy. If you really want that, Ah'll see if Ah can get an appointment to talk to the doctor." Big Macintosh said. Ditzy watched the fire: it’s warm glow was comforting. She closed her eyes for a moment, as she rested her head on Macintosh's side. She could hear his calm controlled breathing, and his powerful heart beating at a steady pace.
Ditzy opened her eyes as she heard the small click of Dinky's hooves. She walked into the room.
"Good mornin', Macintosh." Dinky warmly greeted him. Dinky hesitated a bit before saying: "Good morning, mommy."
"Good morning." Both she and Macintosh responded. Dinky hopped up on to Macintosh's back, and shyly looked down at her mother. It hurt Ditzy to see Dinky like this, usually she was happy-go-lucky and it made Ditzy happy that her daughter was happy, but Ditzy hoped that explaining it would help.
"Ya want me to make ya breakfast?" Big Macintosh asked Dinky.
"Yes, please." Dinky said. Big Macintosh smiled as he stood, with Dinky still on his back, and walked into the kitchen. Ditzy watched the fire burn through another log.
Ditzy went to the couch and laid down. The warmth from the fire made her toasty, which felt nice, but made Ditzy drowsy. She let her eyes close, and she drifted into a quiet sleep.
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The snow storm had cleared up, and Macintosh had gotten an appointment with the doctor that had found the miscarriage. Ditzy walked next to her fiancé: he was talking a lot more than her, which was unusual. Ditzy knew he was talking a lot to keep her mind off the miscarriage.
They made good time to the hospital. They had to wait in the waiting room before they could see the doctor.
"Ditzy Doo!" The nurse called for Ditzy to go see the doctor. Ditzy looked nervously at Big Macintosh, who nodded to her. They stood and walked slowly into the doctor's office.
The doctor looked up from the papers he was reading as Ditzy and Macintosh walked into the office.
"Hello, please sit down." The doctor said, and they sat in the chairs provided. "Now, what seems to be the problem?"
"Well, doc... We came to ask about the miscarriage." Macintosh said. The doctor thought this over for a moment.
"Well..." He said, as he opened a file labeled 'Ditzy Doo'. "I'm pretty sure that we went over this last time."
"I just want to make sure...make sure we didn't do something to cause it." Ditzy said nervously.
"Well, you have nothing to worry about then. You had nothing to do with the miscarriage." The doctor said confidently, as he looked over the file. "You had normal womb structure, positioning was fine, hormone levels were um... unusual."
"What does that mean?" Ditzy asked the medical pony. The doctor looked over the file again.
"Your hormone levels were a bit scattered, but that's nothing you could control." The doctor reassured her. Big Macintosh looked down to Ditzy, who had a scared look on her face. He put a protective hoof on her shoulder.
"Did that have something to with...it?" Ditzy asked. Macintosh caught the tiny catch in her voice.
"Not really, the foal's heart just stopped, we're not entirely sure what caused it." The doctor seemed to be getting bored with the conversation, which Macintosh saw it was making him lose tact when speaking to Ditzy.
"Ah think it's time to go, Sugar Cube." Big Macintosh tried to get her to leave, before she learned more than she would want to know.
"Not now, Mac." Ditzy argued with him.
"Although if it interests you, it was going to be a pegasus." The doctor said. Ditzy felt a pang of sadness. Big Macintosh nuzzled her gently, and that made her feel a little better. "But, I can safely say that it wasn't in your control, whatever caused that caused the miscarriage."
"But what did cause it... that's all I want to know." Ditzy asked. The doctor sighed as she asked the same question again.
"Well, it was a mix of hormonal instability and slight trauma." The doctor said, annoyed that he had to explain it again.
"Trauma?" Ditzy asked, startled at the new information.
"There appears to have been some slight trauma that worked with the hormonal imbalance to help stop the heart. If it makes you feel any better, the foal would have been born with a severe heart condition." The doctor said. Big Macintosh shot him a glare, which made the doctor sink back into his chair. Ditzy felt worse than she had when she came in...But at least she knew.
"Do you... do you have any idea how where the trauma came from?" Ditzy asked in a very sad voice.
"Well, from this MRI we can see that the trauma was external. So, you'd know more about what happened than I would." The doctor said. "Now, I have other ponies waiting."
"Alright, thank you doctor." Big Macintosh said, as he led Ditzy out of the office. Ditzy was dazed. She thought about what might have caused the trauma, but couldn't think of anything. She didn't even notice when Macintosh started to talk again. "Y'all alright?"
"Yeah...just thinking..." Ditzy murmured. They walked outside into the cold, and Ditzy felt another pang of her frequent guilt attacks. She walked very close to Macintosh, partly for warmth, but mostly for comfort.
"Ya want to talk about it?" Big Macintosh asked. He gave her a gentle look with one of his half smiles that still made Ditzy feel butterflies in her stomach. She couldn’t help but give him a small smile back.
"I'm just thinking...what was the trauma..." Ditzy trailed off. They quickly crossed town: due to the snow storm not many ponies were out wandering around. They came up to their home.
Big Macintosh held the door open as Ditzy walked through. Dinky was waiting on the couch, playing with the doll she had received for Hearth's Warming Eve.
"Hello, Muffin." Ditzy greeted her daughter, who shyly smiled back. "We need to talk to you."
Ditzy and Macintosh sat on the couch next to Dinky. Dinky looked up at her mother with large eyes.
"As you know, I...I lost the foal a few days ago..." Ditzy almost whispered. She didn't dare look at Dinky or Macintosh for fear she would break down crying. "The foal...died inside of mommy. It wasn't anypony's fault, but the foal just couldn't make it to this world..."
Ditzy felt her voice catch. She looked at Macintosh, who wore a look that told her she was doing a good job. She took a deep breath and continued on: "Both me and Macintosh feel sad because of this, but we want you to know that we love you and I'm very sorry for pushing you away for these last few days, but... I felt...like I failed to bring...you a...a sibling..."
Ditzy started to break up, but stopped when she felt Dinky hug her. The small embrace made Ditzy feel a whole lot better. Ditzy hugged her daughter back. Ditzy felt a warmth creep into her and it felt good.
"Ah think we deserve a break from all of this, y'all want to go sledding?" Big Macintosh smiled.
__________
The three spent the rest of the afternoon sledding down the hill and having a blast. Ditzy felt a lot better spending the day with her fiancé and daughter...her family. She realized with satisfaction that she had a family, a whole family. A stallion to protect her and a daughter to love her. And it helped that Macintosh loved her as well.
They sledded until it became dark. They made their way back home. Ditzy whipped up a late dinner for them all to eat.
"Ah think somepony is tired." Big Macintosh said, referring to Dinky.
"Ah'm not tired." Dinky yawned, her words slipping into a drawl. Dinky fought to keep her eyes open and focused on Macintosh. Her attempt made Ditzy smile: her daughter was obviously tired, but she defiantly fought the sleep encroaching on her. Dinky hadn't finished all the food on her plate, a sure sign she was tired.
Macintosh picked her up and put her on his back. He walked slowly to Dinky's bedroom, followed by Ditzy. He slid the defiant little filly into her bed.
"I told you, I'm not tired!" Dinky yawned again.
"Would it help if Ah sung a lullaby?" Big Macintosh asked. Dinky nodded her head. Ditzy walked up next to Macintosh, interested to hear his singing voice. He cleared his throat then sung: "Hush now, quiet now, time to lay your sleepy head, hush now, quiet now, it time to go to bed."
Ditzy stood amazed as he sang through the other verses of the familiar song. His voice a smooth bass, it soothed Dinky and it even made Ditzy sleepy. Dinky laid in her bed.
"Good night, Muffin." Ditzy said, when Macintosh finished the song. She leaned over and kissed Dinky on the forehead.
"Good night, momma." Dinky said quietly. "Good night, daddy."
Ditzy felt her heart skip a beat as she heard the word, and she looked at Macintosh, who had an equally surprised look on his face mixed with a happiness spread quickly over his face. He had a proud gleam in his eye as they walked out of the room.
Ditzy quietly closed the door behind them. They didn't say anything, Ditzy leaned affectionately into him, and he nuzzled her in return. They decided to make another fire in the hearth and watch that. It was quiet, yet comforting. The soft crackle of burning wood combined with the warm glow of the fire matched Ditzy's mood almost to the letter. She still felt the burning guilt over of the lost foal, but it was combated by the ones she loved in life, and she knew that with them she could bear this burden.
"Ya decided who mare of honor will be at our wedding?" Macintosh asked openly.
"Carrot Top, of course." Ditzy smiled. She thought of her wedding day, which wasn't too far off. They had planned it to be a few days after Winter Wrap Up to give them some time before Macintosh had to go back to work full time.
"It sure was nice of miss Pinkie Pie to volunteer to plan the reception, and it was nice of miss Carrot Top to lend us her time share for a honeymoon." Big Macintosh said, voicing his honest thoughts.
"Well, we should really thank your sister... She got all her friends to help with the wedding." Ditzy said.
"Eeyup." Macintosh needed to say no more. Ditzy felt safe and loved. She was with the stallion she adored, and she had a daughter that adored him, too. She felt almost back to normal: but she knew she would always have the memory of the lost foal with her, but she could live on.
Ditzy decided she wanted one final piece of closure, so she could say goodbye to the foal she would never have. "Mac... We should name the foal...you know, so we can remember. "
Big Macintosh thought on this a moment, then asked quietly: "How 'bout Honeydew?"
"Honeydew Apple? Perfect..." She sighed. She finally had her closure.
A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing, and BlackRoseRaven for beta reading.