//------------------------------//
// Chapter 25 
// Story: Friendship isn't just Magic, it can heal hearts too 
// by Raumo 
//------------------------------//

	The festivities came to a close. I watched from the balcony as everything was shut down. Tomorrow would be the clean-up. I watched from the shadows as Twilight walked to the library with a sleeping Spike on her back. As the door shut behind her I relaxed. Then tensed once more as I felt a presence behind me.

I spun around my hand going to my weapon, to see the lunar princess. I was surprised to say the least. "Princess Luna." I bowed. "This is unexpected. What do you need?" She is smaller than I expected. Where as Celestia is just a bit taller than me, Luna looks me right in the eyes.

"An honest answer." She replied. I hesitated then nodded for her to continue. "Do you care for Twilight Sparkle and her friends?"

I stared at the town as I answered, "Yes, I do care for them."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me so."

I looked into her eyes ready to repeat my statement, but paused as I saw what was in them. For it was a close reflection of mine. Not the color, but the emotions. Shadows of past things we had seen and done. A loneliness that was dissipating. Most prominently though was regret and self-hate. "It's like looking into a mirror." I whispered out.

She sighed at that. Then looked up to the stars. "I too, know what it is like to regret an action and fear that it will repeat. Perhaps how I deal with it is not for you, but I have another option for you," she looked back at me.

"Let me guess, talk to Twilight and the girls. Tell them why I reacted the way I did. Oh yeah and in the process scar them mentally and emotionally more than I already have by telling them it could repeat anytime. That will solve wonders." I spat out sarcastically.

"You dare speak to your princess in this manner?!" She rose to her full height.

"You aren't my princess. Neither is your sister. If I didn't care for the girls so much I'd be long gone from here." I stated coldly looking her in the eyes.

"You do really care for them. I didn't quite believe it, even though I could see the girls greatly cared for you."

"You have talked to the girls about me?" I eyed her with mistrust.

"No. There was an air of sadness and longing around them whenever you had been mentioned. Especially Fluttershy." I crossed my arms tightly and stared at the now quiet town. She continued, "And you miss them. You fear hurting them though. You are already are though."

"You think I don't know that? I live with a unicorn everyday staring at me with sad eyes trying to get me to interact. I have a little sister who comes to check on me even though I never respond. The other girls pass by the library once a day, with the excuse to just talk with Twilight, but I see them looking at me wanting me to join in. And you know what? I want to. I really, really want to, but I can't!" I was breathing heavily and tears were gathering. 

I usually never showed this much emotion to anyone, but after the Discord episode, and the incident earlier with Fluttershy, I couldn't keep my emotions bottled as easily as I used to.

"I won't let a situation happen where I have a flashback or nightmare, and snap out of it to see that I hurt or killed one of them. I won't." My words now came as a whisper, "And if that means pushing them away, then so be it. Even if it means losing my friends and family."

"And if I could show you another way, would you take it?" She asked.

"What other way is there? I refuse to tell them the details of why I'm ready to kill at any moment, and that seems to be the only option."

"Then don't. You learn to trust them."

"What?"

"You learn to trust them not to hurt you or betray you."

"But I already know they won't."

"Indeed. You know it here," she pointed to my heart, "now it is time to get it here." She then pointed to my head. "You have trained yourself to attack at anytime because of people and their actions in he past. Now, train yourself to trust the girls. Your heart understands that you can relax around the girls, now train your mind and your body."

"I've trained for 10 years to be vigilant of people at all times, and you expect me to be able to train myself to relax around someone?" She nodded. I sighed. She is right. It won't solve everything, but it's a start. "I understand what you're saying, but how? I don't know how to retrain myself."

"Neither do I. That is something for you and the girls to learn." She then looked me in the eye, "Together. It is something all of you must learn together. The choice is up to you."

"Why do you care? Actually, how do you know of this matter?"

"I care, because Twilight has helped me. I want to help her now, with you. Twilight Sparkle wrote my sister. She was desperate for an answer. Celestia thought you might listen if it came from a outside source."

Annoyingly, she is correct. I groaned, "Of course she did."

She gave me a bemused expression at that. Then turning to the edge of the balcony she prepared to take off, saying one last thing, "Twilight Sparkle is a special pony. I hope you repair the rift between you. I believe you'll always regret it, if you don't."

"I'll think about it." She nodded then flew away.

I looked at my tent, then turned and went into the library. I looked in on Twilight, my thoughts and emotions at war. She was sleeping fitfully. She whimpered out my name. I sighed and silently walked to her bed. Reaching out I gently ran my hand over her mane a few times. She calmed. Oh Twilight, the princess is right. I would regret it if I don't repair the rift between us. I don't know how though. Perhaps I will talk to you tomorrow.

I left the area and headed to my actual bed. Laying on top of it, I tried to sleep. I couldn't decide whether to talk to Twilight or not.



I decided not to. I could face crazy take over the world plots, but I couldn't face one small lavender pony. For the past week I've been trying to build my courage and failed. Talking about my emotions, fears, or whatever, was not something I knew how to do well. Turns out I didn't have to start the conversation we needed to have, though.

"I can't take it anymore! Princess Celestia said to wait till Nightmare Night for a solution. That was a week ago and nothing has changed." She then turned to me. "I know you don't want to talk, but I need to say this."

"So say it." Internally I winced as that came out colder than I thought it would.

She almost backtracked at my tone, but steeled herself. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry for breaking my promise and causing you to attack me. I know you blame yourself, but it was my fault. If I hadn't been shaking your shoulder, you would be talking to me and the other girls and you wouldn't have snapped at Fluttershy...and I'm sorry. Just please tell me how to fix this." She was sobbing this out.

My heart  beat painfully as I looked at her. "Oh Twilight, it was not your fault. None of my actions this past month were ever your fault."

"But it is! If I hadn't--"

"No," I cut her off. "I never should have attacked you. Normally when coming out of unconsciousness, I never attack anything till I know a bit of my situation. Shaking my shoulder should never have triggered my attack response."

"But--"

"Really Twilight. I should've never attacked you. Something at that time triggered in me to attack. You, unfortunately, were the closest thing at the moment. It was not you, it was me.

"Then why have you avoided me? Avoided us?"

I sighed and ran my hand over my face. "I'm afraid." I then knelt down to her level and spoke urgently. "I'm afraid it'll happen again. I don't want something, anything, to trigger me into a flashback, then snap out of it to see one of you hurt or dead." I got up and walked to a window and stared out it. "If you hadn't had the instinct to stay as still as possible..." I trailed off. We both knew what I meant though. "The problem though, is that I don't know what will trigger my attack response. It could be anything, and that terrifies me. I don't want to hurt you. I need to keep my distance."

"But you're hurting us by staying away! We're not the same. You are missing from our group. We turn to ask or tell you something and you're not there! It hurts every time you coldly rebuff us."

"You think I haven't noticed? I've wanted to interact with you all, but you're tear filled eyes as I held a knife to you reminds me that you aren't safe near me!"

"Then let us help you. Let us show you that you can trust us. Let us show that we trust you to be around us. Give us a chance to become the ones that can pull you out of your flashbacks without being hurt."

I turned back to face her. "Why are you fighting so hard to keep me close? For that matter, why did you fight to make me a friend?"

"At first, because I believe everyone should have a friend. Then, as I became closer to you I wanted to become that friend. I'm fighting so hard because our friendship is worth fighting for. You're worth fighting for. And no matter what, I won't give up."

I ran my hands through my hair frustrated. "This is why I didn't want to talk to you. You always find a way to break my resolve. That and your lunar princess actually had a good idea."

"Luna? She spoke to you? When? And what's her idea?"

"Nightmare Night. After everyone went to bed." I hesitated. "She told me to train myself to trust you." Twilight was about to speak, but I held up a hand stopping her. "In my heart I trust you. My mind and body though have been trained to trust no one. Princess Luna pointed that out to me." She nodded in understanding. "Problem is I don't know how."

Twilight nodded. "How about we gather the girls here and we can brainstorm? See what our goals are, and what steps would be possible to reach that goal."

I was still hesitant to let the girls in on my problem, but I wanted to stay close to them, so I nodded. "Promise me though, no group hugs for awhile, and if I ever say back off, immediately back off. This is going to take gradual steps. We are undoing 10 years of training after all." She nodded and went off to gather the girls.

When she was gone, doubt quickly settled in. Am I doing the right thing? There is so much that could go wrong. But as Fluttershy skidded in, her eyes looking at me hopeful, I knew I couldn't push them away any longer. I knelt down and opened my arms to my little sister. She trotted over quickly and settled into my hug. She was crying. "I'm sorry Little Shy. In trying not to hurt you, I still hurt you in a deeper way."

"It's okay Alex. I'm just happy you're opening up to us again." The other girls agreed as they filed in.

I hope I don't regret it.



The next two months passed. Alex hesitantly joined the girls on the daily ventures again. In their planning they came up with a phrase that only they and Spike knew. So that if he was ever in a flashback, they could repeat it and hopefully Alex would eventually know the girls were nearby and and he was with those he trusted, and pull him back into the present. Twilight also learned a shield spell the girls could stay behind as a safety measure. Alex insisted on that.

Alex also began to train himself to recognize the girls different steps and approaches, so that he would be able to recognize it was them and he could relax. He also trained to recognize Rainbow's and Fluttershy's wing-beats and flight noise.

Unfortunately, that first trigger, made Alex more vulnerable to flashbacks. Things that had had no effect on him, now triggered his attack response. So in those two months, Alex forced himself to only carry his knife, and Twilight perfected the shield spell, as a few incidents happened where Alex blanked out. The dam had broken, and Alex's trauma was flooding in, but he and the girls were slowly directing the flood to turn into a river. 

Alex still didn't share the contents of his flashback,s if there was any content, but he was very gradually training his body, and his mind to trust, and relax around the girls.



As Hearth Warming's Eve approached, the girls received an invitation from Princess Celestia to put on the annual play of the founding of Equestria. They happily accepted, though Fluttershy was very nervous. So was I. Being in Canterlot, meant being around a lot of ponies. I wasn't sure if going into mission mode, would be detrimental to the progress I made with the girls or keep me from being triggered. Guess I'll have to play it by ear. 

The day arrived and we were walking through Canterlot looking at all the decorations. For some reason, I felt relaxed and not on edge. Perhaps because I was with the girls. I was slowly becoming at ease around them, and I wasn't as jumpy. Still was though. One step at a time. No need to leap ahead of myself.

The girls were preparing backstage for the performance. I, on the other hand, was trying to find a viewing seat far from any pony. Unfortunately, I ran into Celestia and Luna. Now, Luna I did not mind, but Celestia. Oh great. Please don't invite me to sit near you. 

"Rider, why don't you sit with us?" Suggested the sun princess. Curses.

"I'm sure there are others who you would find better company, so I'll be, uh, honored to sit with you." I changed my statement as she just stared at me flatly. Great, my day is absolutely wonderful now.

I was pleasantly surprised. I was able to ignore the princesses and enjoy the play. It is one thing to read about, it is another to see it acted out. Also, it was more precious to me as the girls were in it. I had been skeptical of the fact that the windigos were beaten by the fire of friendship when I first read it. Now though, I was beginning to understand. It seems this whole civilization was built on and sustained by friendships made.

As the play ended, and a carol began, I softly began singing along. After it ended, I bowed to the princess's and left to go see the girls backstage. I had barely left when Luna trotted up and began walking with me. I stopped and turned to her. Looking at her for long moment I finally spoke, "Thank you for the push to mend the rift between the girls and I. We have taken your idea and used it. It is slow going, but I am relaxing around the girls more. I have had a few episodes, but they are not as bad as they could be."

She smiled. "I am glad to hear it." She hesitated for moment, then spoke, "I have another idea for you, if you are willing to hear it. I warn you though, this is more a personal matter." I tilted my head in interest and nodded for her to go on. "I know a bit more of your world than Celestia. Where she has just skimmed the surface of humans, I have a looked a bit deeper, and therefore know a bit more of the darker side of your world. Also, in the past, it was I, who lead the armies, while my sister was more the diplomat."

"Okay. I don't understand how this is related to me though."

"What I am trying to say is, no one here could really help you deal with the details of your past, but perhaps I can. You could write to me of your nightmares and fears, and perhaps I can ease them. Not magically, but be a listening ear, so to speak."

"In other words, you want to be my therapist?" I asked skeptically. She nodded. "Can you really handle the stuff I have seen and done? The darkest parts of humanity?"

"I already know these things. Our ponies reflect the humans very much. Unlike the humans though, Equestria has learned to how to minimize war and other horrors. I still remember the darker days though." Shadows past through her eyes.

"I can't guarantee I will write, but how will I get letters to you? I don't want some pony reading my nightmare filled mail by accident." More specifically, I don't want Spike to send it, and it goes to the other princess by accident.

She produced a candle and a cuff bracelet with an engraving of the moon. She then levitated it to me saying, "This bracelet will get letters directly to you from me. This candle is made from a dragon scale. Spike is not the only dragon who can transport letters with his flame. This is melted and enchanted so that when it is lit and a scroll is held to it, the scroll is sent directly to me. Celestia will not get it by mistake."

"Am I really that transparent to you princesses?" I asked slightly miffed. She actually giggled, yet she didn't answer. I grabbed the items and put it in my bag. "I'm not convinced, but thank you for your offer. I'm not sure if I'll write though."

"I understand. It is your choice. Now, I need to return to my sister. May you have a wonderful Hearths Warming."

I returned the sentiment and bowed to her as she left. Huh. I might actually like that princess.

I entered the dressing room to see the girls laughing together. I smiled. Fluttershy noticed me, "Alex! How did you like the play?" All the girls eagerly awaited my answer.

"It was wonderful. Even better for me though, is that you girls were in it. You did an excellent job." The smiled happily at that.

Twilight then asked me, "Is a group hug alright for this moment Alex?" I nodded and as the girls hugged me and each other, I started to feel that fire in my heart, and warmth spread through me.