Alone in the Everfree, it feels dark, even in the middle of a summer afternoon. Darker than the chitin on the Changeling that fell victim to such a predicament. Normally, he would fly home. Normally, he would give self-sufficiency a long study. The only problem is a fear passed down throughout the Changeling race, generation after generation, so ingrained within their DNA that even the Queen must have a companion at all times in order to not break down.
Autophobia.
Inspired by this song.
Now has a sequel!
Chapters (1)
Pretty grim. The dark atmosphere was definitely a+omnipresent and that ending was pretty terrifying. The only comment I have is Cadence saying she will kill the changeling. I don't think she would actually do that, but again it is all up for interpretation. I love how you used their hive mentality to portray this ominous tale. Superb work!
Cadance is REALLY OOC.
5354615 She probably is, but I decided to portray her like this because of the events in the Season 2 finale probably left her with an undying hatred of any and all Changelings. Considering they almost ruined her life, tricked her husband into marrying someone else, and tried to take over Canterlot, there might be a decent chance she would act this way around Changelings.
Also, I've never watched any episodes with Cadance in them, so I don't know how she behaves.
Besides, if you read the ending, you can interpret it as you please. Maybe Cadance was actually there, maybe she was a manifestation of the Changeling's hopelessness. In the end, it's up to the reader.
P.S. I don't want to be rude, but another comment like this, and I probably will respond a little more harshly. I don't appreciate blunt or unhelpful criticism. (Then again, I don't like sugar coating either)
5354671 Not like that, safe to say.
5354398 I definitely wouldn't call this superb, but I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as you did.
5354676
#ChangelingSwagOfRandomBullcrapNoOneReallyCaresAbout
more
5355482 If some viewers want a sequel that much, I guess I'll write one; this was fun to do.
Maybe if enough people like the sequel, I'll get some more followers.Then again, this isn't the kind of story that can have a sequel go off of it...I'll see where it goes!
P.S. That username doe...
#Exterminate
5356086 I am a rebel dalek, i dont exterminate unless its a different dalek..
but still, #Exterminate, Regenerate
5363133 Sorry, but...
That's not how Daleks work. They're born with destructive tendencies. The desire to cause pain is literally in their genes. Their brain is programmed to block out any and all morality.
If you're not like them, you're a genetic defect, and they probably would've...*ahem* "exterminated" you.
Still, though, a Delek protagonist would have been awesome.
5363158 Rebel daleks are a thing... if you want me to, ill give a reason to how we are like this
5363246 There was that one "sick" Dalek that the 12th Doctor tried to turn good but just made him want to exterminate other Deleks, and that's just about it.
5363474 Watch some CLASSIC who some time, dude.
...Classic Doctor Who?
Fuck no! Get that shit away from me!
Wait a minute...
We're having a debate over what Rebel Daleks are.
On a fucking MLP website.
I'm just going to shut up so that we don't end up talking about something even less related. I'm just gonna...umm...
I got nothing.
Seriously, though, out of the seven Doctors I've seen, I only like David Tennant and Matt Smith.
Interesting, what is the princess of love doing alone in the forest anyways? Seems like she's blowing off steam, and unfortunately the object of her ire stumbles across her path...
Poor thing didn't even know the problem existed before it was too late....
Keep going! ;)
5366020 She was hoping for a stroll.
It see in DA sturreeeee
In our opinion this is your best piece yet.
The main beef we have with this fic is Cadence. We agree with Lunaexcelsior that Cadence was maybe a tad harsh on the changeling. However, your argument as to why she is also has merit.
We sympathize with the changeling, being separated from your own kind sucks, and you drove that home beautifully. You have our vote to make a sequel if you so desire.
5387688 DEM COMPLIMENTS
MAKE ME GLOWY
Right, so you wanted my critique.
Overall, the story is alright. The main issues are nitpicks.
If you were alone, you would not sum up your situation. You would keep pleading. tl;dr the immersion was broken.
The only other issue is Cadance. While she would have been unfriendly and such, she would not have been a blur between indifference and hatred. I'm not quite sure how she would have actually acted, but you did not handle her character well.
Apart from those, you did a fine job with the changelings little 'descent into madness' as far as I can tell and I mostly liked the way you concluded the story. It would have been better if it was directly connected to the rest of the story. Maybe Cadance tells Twilight about the changeling.
Since the story has all these issues and isn't part of my regular genre preferences but still manages to tell its story well enough to get positive responses, I give you a meh + which is borderline yay - (my ranking system is best ranking system)
5425186 Thanks for the critique. Glad you sorta-kinda-please-don't-hurt-me liked it.
The "I'm all alone" was sort of a little last-resort call/plea/whatever. Sorta like how a kid screams and wails for some more ice cream and at the very end whispers, "I'll best your best friend." sorta like that. Personally, I don't feel like that should be changed, but I agree in which the rest definitely needs to be fixed.
Thanks to the events in the season 2 finale, I wanted to make Cadance act angry and hateful toward the Changeling, but obvious I failed. (SO MUCH OOC!) The end was sort of a semidark explanation as to why the Changeling was losing his shit, but yeah, I could have done better.
Maybe I'll fix it and make it awesome-Senpai-Sama-sauce.
5425220 as I said, they were nitpicks.
Well that was a great read. Small but very enjoyable.
I can't help but wonder, what will become of the changeling? Nevertheless a interesting topic to explore which made a great short story.
5616195 It has a sequel, if that helps.
5616205 I'll be heading there shortly.
5616221
5616221 Make sure to review it in the comments section!
This reminds me awfully of the weeping angels in doctor who.
Now I want to write about the devourer... one of my own creations. Hmmm...
Very good, I approve. Maybe you'll write more?