• Member Since 26th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 1st, 2012

The Jack


T

The repairpony Rusty Gears never thought his life would be as interesting, as heroic, as that of the Stable Dweller or the Security Mare. What happens when he suddenly thrown into sinister conspiracy? A Fallout: Equestria fanfic.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

Bad move Rusty, messing with the rangers. Bad move. Keep writing! :pinkiehappy:

Pretty good in my opinion. I like the story so far! Found some relatively minor errors. Very well written for the most part.

First off, the formatting on your title and chapter 1 at the top of the page is wrecked, but that is probably the most blatant problem I saw.

“Yeah, it’s kind of hard when that old barrel sounds like a grenade going off in our room,” what is kind of hard? Minor error, I'm betting you just forgot to type in something along the lines of "to sleep"

"They were only too happy to comply; pointing at Steel Rangers with anything deadlier than a stick probably wouldn’t end well." This seemed kind of clunky to me. I actually had to sit and think to figure out that you meant that pointing a weapon at a steel ranger was a bad idea. That could just be me though.

Nothing else caught my eye though, so good job! Definitely tracking this.

128796

=D I feel so proud when people praise this xD

Anyhow, yeah, I noticed the formatting error myself too. I swear that it was not there when I posted it, because I doublechecked it when I did. I have no idea how it got there, but I intend to go back and change it tomorrow.

IMO the "loud barrel" comment seemed pretty straightforward, but it doesn't cost me much editing that in for clarity, so... *shrug*
Besides, since I'm a nazi on clarity myself I guess I should do it even if it was on principle alone too xD

The Steel Ranger comment though... I though that one was very clear. But I'll have to admit that it's kind of ad hoc; it was originally intended to be "... with anything deadlier than a stick tended to be a bad idea", but that implies they have tried that before... Which seems unlikely for a village who has never seen Rangers before, eh? :P
Neither me nor Kashin managed to find a better way to write that sentence though. If you have an alternative I'd love to hear it :P

Also, yay! Tracking!
Now I just need to get writin' again xD

The problem I had with the loud barrel thing was that his father said “So! You’re finally awake?” before that.

So when you said it like that, it was like he was saying it was hard to be awake, which doesn't make sense.


As for the Steel Ranger thing, like I said, it could've just been me. It made perfect sense after a moment, I just didn't understand it immediately.

129272

Yarr, I must've derped that comment somehow. Oh well; I'll just correct it tomorrow xD

*shrug* Might be that. I know I've had a few times where I just go "Wha...?" on comments which I later think makes perfect sense.

Interesting. I like it. Although I think the Fallout: Equestria idea is overused, I still like this.

Interesting enough, I'll keep an eye out for this one.

Too early to say whether it's good or bad, but it's a decent start. I'll save my rating until chapter 2 or 3

A fair execution of a tired concept puttering itself out with an escalating number of imitators and hangers-on.

131053

131169

*Shrug* Aye, it's getting sort of overused at this point, with some 70 different sidestories. But hey, it's a story I want to write, so why not? :P

131126

Thanks =D

Great story i remember reading it a wile back keep it up :rainbowkiss:
Im looking forward to another chapter!! ^^ :flutterrage:
Also take five stars and all the bronys on the internet clapping :twilightsmile:

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/230/362/520.gif
Make us proud

131341

Thanks! =D
I'll have to hurry up with the second chapter... I can't dissappoint all the bronies on the internet now, can I? XD

The character development is really good so far and it has the same vibe to it that the original Fallout Equestria had. The only little contrivance I have with it so far is that the town they are in sounds too good to be true (it seems like a huge settlement from the way it is described so far) and should be expanded upon a bit in the future.

But all in all this is really good so far and I can see it becoming a great fanfic in the future. I hope to be able to read more soon. :D

-Blackjack (I told you i'd read it! :3)

208730

"The same vibe to it that the original Fallout Equestria had"
0.o
Now you're making me blush here xD

But yeah, the town may need a little more description; it isn't that huge you see, just a few shops and maybe a total of 100 inhabitants.
My hometown has a population of about 1000, so I know it's really tiny xD
At least to our standards; I'm actually not quite sure what is considered a large settlement in the Wastes.
Hm, I have to check that out later...

Anyhow, back to writing! =D

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