01 - Pony in a Particle Accelerator
Days of Wasp and Spider
by
Luna-tic Scientist
Preread by IcehawkPrime and mm1145.
All the good stuff is theirs, everything else is mine.
A note to the new reader:
This is book one in a two or three book series. Book two is currently being written.
===
At the smallest possible scale order was born from the chaos, a self maintaining Pattern impressed on the structure of eleven dimensional space-time. The Pattern was aware of itself, its surroundings and the passage of time. The chaos was an erosive force on the Pattern, a constant threat to its existence and a steady, irreversible drain on its strength. It sought an escape from the inevitable and after an endless time -- almost a whole microsecond -- the Pattern had learnt to affect its surroundings. An increasingly complex series of manipulations were applied, results interpreted and further experiments followed.
After another eternity there was success; one of its operations created a fundamental change in space-time, a self-contained bubble protected from the chaos, yet powered by it. With a final effort the Pattern injected itself through the event horizon and into the infinitely calm spaces beyond. Here it could cease its fight and direct all its efforts to discovery.
=== Chapter 1 (remastered): Pony in a Particle Accelerator ===
"The pony will stand on the pad."
The rough voice echoed from the white ceramic walls in the beam chamber. Fusion Pulse, her fur a blinding white in the high output lamps, stood uncertainly in the radiation lock's exit and squinted into the glare. With a toss of her head and a touch of magic from her horn, she pulled her pink mane over her eyes to block a little of the light. Then, ruffling her wings, Fusion trotted towards the circle marked in metal on the floor. Behind her, the heavy rotating drum of the radiation lock swung shut, sealing off her exit with a hollow boom and making her jump. The tattoo of her hooves slowed and became hesitant as she took in the heavy machines hanging from the ceiling, the scorch marks on the rear wall. The voice of the Master commanded unquestioning obedience, though; she could no more resist than she could hurt her own sister.
She stepped across the metal ring and placed her hooves onto the marked areas, slight indentations in the otherwise smooth floor. Head swinging from side to side she caught sight of that scorch mark again; from this angle it almost looked like... The mare's eyes widened and she slowly turned her head forward again to stare at the complex shape of the beam pipe terminus, pointed squarely at her chest.
"W-What do you want me to do, Academician Vanca?" Fusion Pulse's voice was soft and melodic, but the microphones in the ceiling picked up her whisper and her voice echoed back from the polished walls. She glanced up, catching a glimpse of her Master behind the long row of control room windows that ran along the top edge of the beam chamber. The sight calmed her, incipient panic draining away with the knowledge that this was something the Academician thought she could do. The figure turned away, taking with it Fusion's fragile confidence.
"The pony will use her magic as trained to neutralise the heavy ion beam."
"Yes, Master." Fusion Pulse swallowed, her throat suddenly dry.
She had trained for this, but that was on one of the compact, room sized cyclotrons -- not the five kilometre injector ring of the Lacunae Hive's research accelerator. Ahead of her, the end of the beam pipe was a mirrored circle surrounded by coils of dark wire and a helical pattern of blood red crystals. Around her a gauzy field of light sprang up from the perimeter of the metal ring, a momentary static thrill dancing over her skin and making her flanks twitch and shiver. The overly bright lights blurred through the field, splitting into brilliant rainbows and making her eyes water. Fusion shook the tears from her eyelashes, then pulled her pink mane back from her horn and lowered her head.
The ruby helix started to pulse, flashes of red light spiralling in towards the central mirror. A pulsing vibration crept up through Fusion's hooves, some distant monster stomping towards her in time with the lights. She lowered her head and narrowed her eyes, wisps of light starting to run from her forehead to collect at the point of her horn. Within seconds her horn's glow became blinding, an actinic white casting midnight black shadows even under the lab's lighting.
"I'm ready."
A bar of solid light jumped the gap between the beam pipe terminus and Fusion Pulse in an instant, hit the glow around her horn and fragmented into a writhing mass of electric snakes. Lightning bounced between the shield and Fusion's flanks, lifted the hair of her mane and danced along her wings' primary feathers. Fusion's eyes squeezed shut and she gasped at the sudden pressure across every part of her body. A loud buzzing hiss filled the air.
"Beam current at 0.1%. Beginning experiment series."
Through her tightly closed eyes the light flared brighter still, a hot pink glare with an irregular stroboscopic flicker. The electric hiss became deafening, and Fusion plastered her ears against the sides of her head in an effort to keep out the rising noise. Sweat beaded on her flanks and belly as the pressure abruptly doubled and doubled again. Pain started to build at the base of her skull and she clenched her teeth.
The voice continued to speak, but Fusion Pulse couldn't hear it. Her body felt like it was being squeezed in a form-fitting vice, her head like it was going to explode. Sweat ran down her flanks, dripping from the ridge of longer hairs in the middle of her chest and belly, but vaporised before it could reach the floor. Her mind was in a red haze of pain, her consciousness shrunk down to a single point of will and determination. An eternity later the pressure ebbed away, the sudden silence and darkness as shocking as a blow to the head.
"The tests are complete. The pony will return to her corral." The rough voice held no emotion, just a cool disinterest.
"T-Thank you, Academician." Fusion's voice was a harsh, ragged whisper, barely recognisable.
"The pony will return tomorrow for the next experiment."
"Yes, Academician." Fusion's voice steadied, still sounding like her throat was full of sand, as she sank to her haunches. A sudden line of fire cut across her belly, the sharp smell of burning fur filling her nostrils. She twitched, uncertain of the source of the pain, then her hooves scrabbled to find purchase on the slick floor. She rose, slipped again to score another burning line across her left flank, before beating her wings in two quick strokes to lurch clear of the unexpectedly hot metal ring. Rubbing a forehoof across her belly, she shook the tears from her eyes and walked, head bowed, to the lab door.
===
The radiation locks at the Anomalous Physics Research Institute were all of the same design. Take a cylinder and cut archways on opposite sides. Make a second cylinder from concrete and laminate it with boron, lead and a carefully designed array of magically active gems, then place it inside the first, but this time only make one opening. Let the inner ring rotate to line its opening up with the ones in the outer wall, but only ever one at any time.
Fusion stood at the centre of the radiation lock, eyes closed, while the wall rotated around her. The few moments of relative peace let her get her breath back, although her legs and wings were starting to tremble with delayed shock. Finally, the single opening lined up with the exit tunnel and she was free to leave. Breathing deeply once she opened her eyes and limped out of the door and over to the alcove used to store personal items forbidden in the beam chamber. On one shelf was a half hoof wide brass disk inlayed with a matte silver square and a single small crystal.
The white mare stared at the device for a second, a fog of fatigue obscuring the thing's purpose. She shook her head slightly to clear it, then reached out with her magic to pick it up. A sharp pulse of pain filled her head, blurring her vision and making her gasp in shock. The disk fell out of her grasp, tumbling to the floor with a sudden loud rattle. Tentatively Fusion tried again; she could feel the thing where it rested, but the instant she tried to apply any real force to it the pain in her head built up with astonishing speed.
Fusion stared down at it for a breath; she couldn't leave it here, this was her communicator. Keyed into her biothaumetic signature and linked to the Hive labour system, it was hers and hers alone. All ponies outside foalhood had one -- it was the conduit for the Master's work orders while protecting them against conflicting requests. Failure to carry it at all times was unthinkable. Another stab of pain and she gave up trying to pick the thing up by magic. Have I hurt myself that badly? she thought, swallowing hard. She'd heard the horror stories; ponies burnt out from too much effort reporting for euthanisation, rather than live in the knowledge of being useless to the Masters.
She stamped one forehoof impatiently. Nonsense! The Masters knew what she was capable of; they'd never needlessly hurt her. A good night's sleep and I'll feel much better. She pawed the communicator a couple of times, nudging it against another hoof to flip it hook side uppermost. Reaching down she closed her eyes again as her vision blurred and her head swam, feeling for the disk with her lips. Carefully picking it up, she pressed it against the fur at the top of her left foreleg. It wasn't in the right place -- there was no way she could get it to the middle of her chest -- but the fuzz of tiny hooks gripped securely anyway, and she immediately felt more comfortable.
The gem flickered and flashed in her peripheral vision and a quiet bleep sounded in Fusion's head without needing to go through her ears.
# Authorised disconnection period ended. Fusion Pulse TC4668 registered to APRI labornet. Accessing work list and standing orders. #
Fusion let her breath hiss out from between her teeth and relaxed as the familiar litany rolled over her, but the small feeling of victory faded quickly to leave a nagging worry of failing her Master tomorrow. Turning carefully, she started limping up the curved equipment transport tunnel ramp to the surface. What would have been a half kilosecond trot seemed to stretch out forever, the slick floor playing havoc with her imperfect balance. The movement did help steady Fusion's nerves, though, overwhelming her fears with the more mundane demands of the body, stressed muscles twitching and shivering in protest. Ahead, a door opened in the side of the tunnel, a blunt head poking round the edge to look at her.
"The pony will stop." Another rough voice, this one at a slightly higher pitch.
Fusion tottered to a halt, legs slightly splayed and head drooping, as the bipedal figure stepped out into the tunnel. It didn't bulk as large as Academician Vanca, but still stood head and shoulders above her on back-cranked digitigrade legs. Covered with coarse grey and black fur, the creature wore a tan waistcoat layered in bulging pockets and had heavily muscled and disproportionately long arms reaching almost to its knees. Its head was more like that of a dog than a pony; the eyes faced fully forward and the jaw split the muzzle all the way back to the throat. Mobile, triangular ears and a stubby tail furthered that dog-like impression.
Paws ending in curved claws lifted her drooping wings, little pinpoints of sensation making her flank twitch as the sharp tips traced the line of burnt hair under the curve of her belly. The figure grunted and stepped back, gripped Fusion's muzzle in one hard hand and lifted it to study her face, moving her head from one side to the other to stare into each bloodshot lavender eye.
Fusion stared dully back at the yellow slit pupiled eyes of the Master, his blunt muzzle slightly open to reveal a row of sharp teeth. With a sigh and a waft of carnivore breath he released her jaw and stepped back.
"This pony is in no condition to continue with these experiments. Korn thinks this pony requires several hundred kiloseconds of rest before continuing."
Fusion opened her mouth to thank the Master, but in that instant of treacherous thought a sudden sharp spike of pain pulsed in her chest. She snapped her mouth shut and the pain disappeared. Taking a deep breath she started again.
"I'm sorry, Student Korn. Academician Vanca has ordered my return tomorrow."
Korn stared at her for an age, triangular ears flattening. "What are this pony's current orders?"
"I am to return to Lacunae Hive corral twenty seven, then return to the Institute tomorrow. No time was specified, so I will be present at dawn." Fusion froze as Korn grunted again and started to walk around her, his muzzle wrinkling in what could only be disgust. She schooled her expression into one of blank obedience, but every breath brought with it the sweat-and-burned-fur scent of her weakness. Something broke deep inside and tears started to prick at the corners of her eyes. Little flickers of pain, like the kneading claws of a cat, danced in her chest and it became hard to breathe, the ache only subsiding after she managed to push the idea of failure away.
Korn paused in his circuit, reaching out to run a claw along the burnt tips of her wing's primary feathers. "Can this pony still fly?"
Fusion Pulse hesitated for a second and flexed her wings. They trembled slightly at full extension, the now ragged primaries feeling loose and failing to bite the air as they should. She felt slightly sick; it was forty kilolengths -- forty thousand times the height of a typical Master -- back to the corral, a bit less than two kiloseconds by wing... considerably longer by hoof. Dawn was only thirty six kiloseconds away. She'd never make it. Her eyes widened; for the first time in her life she was going to fail to obey a direct order... she shied away from the thought, but the pain came anyway.
"I'm not certain, Student Korn," Fusion whispered through gritted teeth, then let her jaw unclench as the Maker's pain faded with unexpected speed into the background ache that seemed to come from every part of her body.
"Korn is. If this pony follows these orders it will be dead in less than fifty kiloseconds. This pony is no use to the Hive dead. Korn will talk to the Academician."
The Master prodded at a crystal encrusted bracer on his left wrist, the gems glowing momentarily with each tap. With a quiet hum and the pulsing strobe of safety lights a cargo floater came down the tunnel, the smooth floor glowing from the lifter crystals. The thing was about as basic as you could get; a square metal platform studded with tie-downs and a control post at one corner.
"The pony will lie on the floater. Korn will transport you back to the corral." Korn pointed at the centre of the square, then turned and walked back through the door he'd entered.
The platform dipped slightly as Fusion Pulse stepped awkwardly up and settled carefully down on her belly. The surface was cold and the tie-downs dug into her ribs, but at that moment it felt as good as the softest grass. She settled her head down between her forelegs and closed her eyes for a second.
===
Fusion Pulse woke to the sound of shouting and her mane and tail whipping over her back and face in a high velocity slipstream. Her eyes went wide and her head jerked up and to each side as she tried to understand where she was. Some thin cord had been passed over her shoulders, back and haunches, and was cutting off the circulation to her wing roots. Her struggles only seemed to draw the cord tighter, so she stopped and tried to think. The wind, the darkness overhead only broken by a glow from beneath the mesh floor she was tied to. She was on the cargo platform, tied down and travelling somewhere backwards at high speed. Now she had relaxed she could make out the argument going on level with her hindquarters.
"...misuse of the subjects will not achieve the results Vanca desires. Korn knows you do not have permission to euthanize this servitor." Another light source, this one much fainter, was coming from the same direction as the voices.
"Student Korn--" The emphasis on the first word was clear even over the wind."--would do well to remember who this one is. This project has been given the highest priority by the Synod, the threat from Baur Hive..."
"Korn knows this. Korn also knows that this servitor's initial test results are the best ever seen. Killing the servitor by progressing too fast will damage the project far more than allowing it to recuperate. Has Vanca reviewed the medical scans Korn took after the experiments?"
"Vanca is aware of Korn's opinion. Korn should also remember he is a thaumophysicist, not a veterinarian."
"Then perhaps Korn should send the data to Councillor Indutu. He is sure that the Councillor has someone on his staff able to give Vanca a second opinion."
There was a long period of silence before Vanca spoke again; this time her tone was icily calm. Fusion trembled inside, even though that voice wasn't addressing her.
"Kord will regret those words. Very well, deliver the servitor to its kin; Vanca will send a veterinary unit to verify Korn's claims. Korn better hope he is correct."
The glow faded and Fusion lowered her head back to her knees. She could hear the Master move, his weight causing the platform to shift and dip slightly. A heavy, clawed foot landed next to her head, then with surprising gentleness a paw lifted her pink mane from her face. The Master examined her with narrowed eyes, then ran a small, glittering crystal over her horn. A flickering display sprang up over his bracer, a helical pattern shot through with fine black lines like a frozen lightning bolt.
"The pony will not attempt to perform any magic..." The instrument moved along the leading edge of her right wing. "...or fly. Complete rest is ordered for at least four hundred kiloseconds." The Master shifted back to face the mare, then did something to his bracer and showed her the first image. "This pony has nanoscale stress fractures in its cranial and wing thaumotological emitters. Further use risks complete failure." The Master's cheeks twitched in a rare grin. "This pony does not want this to happen during the next experiment."
Fusion Pulse's mind flicked back to the scorch marks on the rear wall of the beam dump chamber, ears involuntarily flattening against the sides of her skull.
"No, Student Korn, but I cannot disobey a lawful order."
Korn grunted and sat back on his haunches, stubby tail hooked around one leg. "The pony will not worry about that. Vanca will change her mind after the veterinarians have seen what Korn has seen."
===
Fusion Pulse shook her head, flicking her mane back over her neck. The platform had come to a halt high over the darkened countryside; the sun, Celestia, had long set and the cloudless sky was a pitch black dome with only the scattered points of the debris ring to give any frame of reference. The pale light of Grund gave a vague shape to the landscape, but was too small to do much more; Luna, the larger of the two shepherd moons was yet to rise. Right in front of Fusion the ring light was interrupted by the hulking mass of Lacunae Hive. A wide, flat topped mountain that occupied three hoof spans even at this distance, it glowed faintly under the light of an orbital heliostat. Directly below the platform was an area of open grassland, dotted with the vague dark shapes of mature trees and a cluster of circular roofed areas. Bright flashes from the platform's safety lights illuminated a steadily shrinking area as the platform descended to one red and white striped shelter.
Fusion could see the pale shapes of many ponies moving about the corral, obviously woken by the lights of the floater. Directly below were three ponies, two large and one smaller, waiting on the grass by the open sided structure. All looked nervous and worried as they stared up at the platform, faces flashing alternately white and various shades of green as the vehicle hovered above them. Both adult ponies then lit their horns, illuminating a cleared area for the floater as it settled slowly to the ground.
One of the adults stepped hesitantly forward, his wings twitching with the desire to enfold the battered form tied to the platform.
"How may we be of service, Master?" said the pale turquoise stallion in a deferential voice. He kept his head lowered, but was studying the singed white shape intently through the fringe of his blue mane.
"This one is Student Korn. These ponies are the family unit of Fusion Pulse?"
"Yes, Student Korn. I am Helium Flash, her male gamete donor and this is Plasma Cascade, her female gamete donor." Helium nodded to the cream mare with a red mane and tail, then indicated with one wing to a slightly smaller dusky blue pony hiding behind Plasma. "This is Gravity Resonance, from our second procreation license."
Korn turned back to Fusion Pulse and started to untie her from the platform. "This pony was injured during its work at the Institute. A veterinarian team will examine it and report back to the Academician, but Korn expects it will need at least four hundred kiloseconds of complete abstinence from thaumatological manipulation."
Fusion twitched in protest at that last statement, but said nothing as she waited for the Master to release her. Finally the last strap was released and she struggled to rise, muscles numb from the awkward position she'd been forced to lie in.
"Pony, assist your offspring."
Helium Flash was already stepping forward, a pale blue-green glow emanating from his horn and covering Fusion's body. "Thank you, Student Korn." Fusion went limp as she was lifted from the platform, legs dangling. As she was swung over, Plasma Cascade rushed up, concern on her face.
"Daughter, are you alright?" She stole a quick glance at Korn, but directed her question at the floating mare. "What happened?"
Fusion cleared her throat, voice still scratchy. "Yes, mother." Her eyes filled up with tears. "Oh mother, I'm so sorry. I wasn't good enough, I've failed you. I failed them." Her head drooped, tears running down her muzzle and dripping on the grass.
"No, daughter," Plasma replied, her voice soft. She raised a hoof and gently lifted Fusion's head. "You are a wonderful pony, you could never disappoint me." She cast a pleading glance at the Master.
Korn sighed and shifted position. "The pony Fusion Pulse has shown exceptional ability. It is possible that Academician was a little... enthusiastic for results."
Helium Flash lowered his daughter to the ground, maintaining his magic as her legs buckled, unable to take her weight. He leant forward to nuzzle her mane back from her face, then whispered in her ear. "Rest, daughter, we'll talk in the morning." He turned his head to the Master. "Thank you, Student Korn. What are your orders?"
"A veterinary unit will arrive shortly to examine the pony Fusion Pulse and assess its injuries. We will wait."
Helium bowed to the Master and opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a pair of ponies flying low over the corral. They circled once, flared their wings and cantered up to the little group. The leader, a slender crimson stallion with a bone white mane and a pony skull labour tattoo on his hind quarters, stepped forward and bowed to the Master.
"Student Korn? I am Animal Scanner and this is Gamma Knife." The other stallion, gold coated with an orange mane and tail, nodded politely to Korn. "We have been ordered by Academician Vanca to assess the pony Fusion Pulse's capacity for duty."
He was reaching into his equipment harness before Korn could reply, producing a flat slab of an instrument studded with various crystals. This he then pointed at Fusion, gesturing to Gamma Knife to lift the mare into a semblance of a standing position. Animal's horn glowed a deep red, generating a plane of crimson light that swept up and down her body.
Fusion felt none of this, her exhaustion and the subconscious security of being back home conspiring to send her to a sleep so deep that even the harsh tones of Academician Vanca only woke her briefly.
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firstcomment woot!
needs moar chaptorz
133715
I know, I know!
I've actually written the first six chapters, but my self editing is quite paranoid (and my second prereader appears to be a little sluggish). As soon as I get those comments (and assuming nothing major) I'll put up CH02, with CH03 a week or so after that.
Thanks for reading!
Very interesting story... I thought it'd be humans MAKING the ponies, but it's actually Diamond Dogs, as far as I know. Oddly enough, my heart was kinda constricted when I read this... meh, must mean that this is a good fanfiction...
The Diamond Dogs deserve whatever's coming to them. What kind of idiot makes a nuclear device capable of feeling pain?
Wow, very interesting premise, will be reading more.
Uuuuh... Okay, after the second ===, Kord becomes Korn. Is this because they are 2 diff dogs? Or is it just an accident?
550966
! They're all similar and can disguise as other ponies! Perfect Clone army/Gestapo!
[SPOILER ALERT?]
Labour Hive <=> Changeling's Hive.
Can't believeeee it took me this long
The thing is, how to map to this AU their parasitical need for love? Maybe as a secret mass-control/pony-war-like psychological warfare weapon?
The possibilities are endless!
I must say that I am thoroughly engrossed so far. Not only is it an interesting concept, but I adore you're writing style as well, it reminds me of Anne McCaffrey's "Draogonriders of Pern" stories, and I must give kudos as such.
I can't wait to read the rest of it.
Let me guess. The Pattern stated earlier in italic is Discord.
If this is how the entire story is going to progress, then I may have just fallen in love. Your writing style is wonderful, the characters authentic and well-written, and the entire universe so far engaging.
Fave, like, mustache.
Also, this reminds me of the Forerunner Trilogy books from the Halo Universe. Like those books, its a familiar universe, but the setting is more futuristic and it shows where the characters/things/places came from.
526115 If you want to see Humans do this and can read german than you should check "My little Fantasy" on Bronies.de its the sme conzept but was Finished 2 Jears ago ^^
Particle physics? Imaginative dystopia?
Consider my interest piqued.
This looks VERY interesting... You have my curiosity, and a semblance of my attention... Continue... Oh, you already have. Good! You must be psychic...
This is oddly similar to the start of my headcanon about how Discord created the universe (the only real difference is magic terminology versus physics terminology) . . . this is probably totally irrelevant.
Question (and I doubt I'd bring this up if I hadn't looked at the higher-res image and seen that you are a scientist and are aiming for accuracy): how is the heavy ion beam sent into the beam dump chamber (which I presume has air) without compromising the vacuum that would be required in the accelerator?
I do believe I've found a new friend.
Myst Ninja wonders why the masters and poines refer to themselves in the third person. This conundrum greatly confuese Myst Ninja. Seriously though why aren't they talking normally. Other than the alien feeling of everyone talking in third person I like.
This is fantastic and I regret having put off reading it for so long. But google seems to think that 'euthanisation' is spelled with a z.
Woah, how did I not find this yet. Hooked after a few sentences!
I'm interested to see where this goes.
3360082
In general, spelling words *zation is an American thing, the English (and other commonwealth) spell them *sation. Euthanisation is even more complicated because it was formed from euthanasia so the spelling is not standardised AFAIK.
Really nice start. Plenty to hook you. What's going on, why are thing like this? Is this Equestria, or something similar? The past or the future? Some AU? So many mysteries, and yet also little hints, if you know what to look for.
Then you have the world, you don't know much, but enough to intrigue you. Why are the Diamond Dogs in charge? How are they this smart, and yet so dumb in 'our' Equestria? What is the deal with the ponies? And speaking of them, instant sympathy with them, seeing how they are treated. Despite clearly being sentient and sapient. Already seeing how they are condition to accept orders, to be happy serving. Despite being treated like animals, or tools. How did this happen? How is it going to be fixed?
Then you get Korn, who seems to actually care for the pony, though it's ambiguous enough in how so. It's possible, he simply sees her as a valuable tool that should not be pushed hard enough to break it. Or, if he does care for her well being simply out of caring, nothing really shows he cares like she was an equal, more, like someone would care for a pet, or servant at best.
So yeah DAMN great opening, sucks you right into the mystery and gets you eager to find out just what the hell is going on. Giving you enough of a taste of this world to want more, to understand what is going on.
Hmm...let's see:
Fusion Pulse is white with pink hair, is an alicorn, and "Fusion"??? Like that thing that powers the SUN?! And the sun itself is called Celestia?! So Fusion will be Celestia, eventually?! Oh DANG, is this fic AWESOME.
This is really cool stuff you have here, it kinda has this Planet of the Apes vibe to it. I like the fact that this is a non-human fic; it really works with a sci-fi setting, as well as traversing into fresher territory.
She has a tattoo of her own hooves? I think you meant something sound related judging be the rest of the sentence.
5310784 Tattoo can also mean a steady, continuous rapping or drumming. That meaning isn't used very often in everyday speech.
A very different take on alicorn origins, and well written at that.
Ok, I'll bite.
I was halfway through the story before I realized "oh wait, she's an alicorn"
I am most definitely interested and also downright offended, but only by the blatant level of subservience forced upon pony culture in this story. I look forward to seeing this situation rectified. I can already tell that this is going to be one of those stories where I'll love to see every single villain get what is coming (assuming that happens, of course). Even this 'Korn' fellow deserves something; kindness is no insurance for barbarism.
I don't often write comments, as I am too anxious about hurrying on to the next chapter. However, this story deserves its praise, so I'm going to try and make regular comments about how awesome this story is. It might seem like I am gushing, and maybe it might seem weird for me to so completely love this story, but I don't care. The last 24 hours after finishing the most recent chapter have felt like I was coming of a fan-fic induced high.
I was once told that a story not worth reading twice is not worth reading once. I've always struggled with re-reading fiction. There always seems to be something missing the second time around. That is not the case with this story. I have already begun reading it again, at a slower/ more thorough pace, and I am picking up on a lot of things I missed before.
I love how this mark isn't even mentioned again for over a dozen chapters. It just shows the level of planning that went into this fiction. First time around, I thought it was just a mark. Scary as a plain-old mark might be, the real significance of that mark really only hits home now.
I missed this before, I don't know how. Its a simple descriptor, but for some reason it seems so perfect.
I sometimes have difficulty putting together some of the more abstract things that you try to describe. Now that I am less rushed, I can take to time to really put some of these things together. ( can't wait to get a better mental picture of what the Pit looks like). This isn't your fault in anyway, it just shows that you are doing the tough thing of creating new, creative images instead of relying on some of the cliche descriptors that others might use.
I think I'm going to make my endless gushing into a chapter-by-chapter thing.
also, this friggin' quote. I don't know why I love it so much.
Ummmmmm, yeah.
526115 Nothing with diamond dogs as an important characters is ever a great fanfiction.
The diamond dogs in the show have never shown any intelligence remotely close to what they have here, so either something happens to change them, or we just never see the smart ones. It still leaves me wondering why the author chose them. my biggest fear is that they were chosen because they look like humans.
You mean there's a story in which the 'evil overlords' aren't just evil for evil's sake, but look after the well being of their slaves? That's not how this is supposed to work. Rewrite this, and conform to the cliche of having them randomly beating Fusion for the hell of it and being generally cruel even though it would realistically hinder them!
Seriously, though, I'm already hooked.
I should say, idea of ponykind as of servitor race raise doubts.
For one (mind you, i am not read story as of yet), who would think that a race with no digits will be of use in anything!? Hoofkinesis (if actually exists) seems to be too complicated solution in comparison to fingers.
For two, who would think that adaptable, powerfull and intelligent are right characteristics of perfect slave? And why ponies adaptable? If anything they just wont survive in places with uncontrollable weather. That is if you dont consider Hearts Warming events as act of terraforming. And from The Show - they are pretty easy to scare en masse.
Perhaps there actually is a character named "Kord," but I believe that what was actually meant here was "Korn."
And I just now realized what the name "Korn" must sound like. Never again will I be able to think of him without calling to mind the image of that buttery yellow foodstuff which gets between your teeth and requires much flossing to be rid of.
It's funny how it takes such a long time to notice little things like that.
Anyone see concerned ht he didn't respond fully to Vncas voice?
she seemed like on hell of a bitch to let sleeping ponies lie.
Welcome to this! My third re-read of this wonderful fic, "Princess Gordon Freeman and Luna J. Blazkowicz VS the Dog-Enclave!" Featuring such characters as the wonderful Orgon Autumn, Vanca Breen, and Salarath Engel.
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Heavens, you are a glutton for punishment!
The tattoo of her hooves
And having finished the third installment, I had to come back to where it began.
This was one of the greatest stories read back in 2012. Christ time flies. But this fic still holds up.