> The Disgruntled Butler and Other Random Tales
>  by ADRNEL
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> THE BUTLER №1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

My master was dead...

Such a pity too, I worked a better part of ten years with him, so nice and respectful. But I guess old age finally caught up with him. I will miss him greatly. 

But before I continue this tale, I might as well introduce myself. My name is Alistair, and I am a butler. The most common question I seem to get is how in the name of Celestia did I end up as one. It's really straightforward actually, I always enjoyed managing households and serving others, my calling to be a butler came to me the moment my cutie mark told me so. 

After I earned my mark I immediately left for Trottingham and became a student at the most highly rated and prestigious school for butlers, maids and other domestic staff. Always had high grades and graduated after two years near the top of my class. 

But what they do not tell you is that finding an available job can be difficult since most butlers serve their employers for long periods of time, usually until the family loose the house or the butler himself dies, which ever came first. So you can say job turnover was seriously low.

Luckily, within a year I was finally hired, although as a hall colt, the lowest ranking male domestic worker at one of the mansions owned by Prince Blueblood and his parents. I was fifteen at the time and most of my duties involved cleaning the bedrooms and bathrooms of the higher ranked domestic workers, polishing boots, or any other chore the other workers refused to do. 

But despite the hard work and less than meager wage, I managed to quickly go up the ranks and within four years became an official butler and served the family to the best of my abilities. Unfortunately, the family worked us to near slavery so I staged a strike against them for better living conditions. We were, predictably, fired.

So once again I was unemployed and homeless. But I was fortunate to finally get hired by another employer, the master I mentioned working the next ten years for. He was very kind, but very lonely, on most days it was just me and him alone in either his house or observatory in his backyard. My favorite task I did for him was helping him catalog every astronomical object in the sky. 

They days in the observatory grew less frequent as aging started to take a toll on him. In fact, I was the only pony by his bedside when he finally breathed his last. I will never forget these last ten years. 

But who am I kidding? I'm 29 years old, one of the best butlers in all of Equestria and I still have a good fifty years left in me before I get too old to do my duties, so there's plenty of time left for me. 

Six months after my previous master's death, I finally managed to find another job posting; a very rich family in the small town of Ponyville just had their previous butler retire and are looking for one, preferably a younger one to keep up with any and all duties required. This was my chance!





I arrived in Ponyville by train, it was a pretty nice, friendly and quaint town, I managed to find my employer's home without a problem. 

I happily knocked on the front door and to my surprise it was answered by Mr. Rich himself. 

"I am here for the butler position, the name is Alistair, pleasure to meet you." I politely greeted as I walked in and took off my coat and hat. 

"Oh good, we've been looking for one since the old one retired, the name is Filthy Rich, you can call me Rich, Filthy or F.R. if you like." he introduced to me. "Anyways, follow me into my study and we can talk more."

"Certainly." I nodded as I followed Mr. Rich to his study.





"So, what happened to the old butler again Mr. Rich?" I asked as I sat down in a chair in his study, I see Mr. Rich go over to his mini-bar to make a cocktail. 

"Randolph? Oh, he won the lottery and is now off vacationing in the Prench riviera." he answered. "He looked unusually excited to be leaving though." he walked over to me and gave me and cocktail. 

"Oh...I don't drink." I politely declined. 

"Suit yourself." he immediately chugged his cocktail down. 

"So, who else lives and works with you here?" 

"Some part-time domestic workers from beyond Equestria's southern border, but none of them live here. The only ponies who live full time in this home are me and my daughter, Diamond Tiara."

"How old is she?" I ask.

"Nine years old, earned her cutie mark in jewelry last year, I'm so proud of her." he mused. I immediately sensed that he probably spoiled her only daughter rotten. "Anyways, you can start first thing tomorrow morning, there's a binder in your new room that should give you the schedule, rules and meals me and my daughter love."

"And what are my duties specifically Mr. Rich?"

"To do whatever me and my daughter tell you to do and keep the daytime domestic workers in line." he instructed to me. 

"And what is my pay?" 

"40 bits a week." 

Not bad of a pay if I say so myself.  "You got yourself a deal." little did I knew, but I was going to regret saying those words. This is where everything went downhill. 

"Daddy! I'm home!" yelled a small filly, it was most likely Mr. Rich's daughter Diamond Tiara.

"I'm down here in my study sweetie!" yelled Mr. Rich back. 

Suddenly, a small filly busted through the study door and tackle-hugged her father. "How was school today?" laughed the father. 

"Boring as usual...but at least I didn't cause trouble this time." explained the pink filly with the tasteless and gaudy tiara on her head.  She turned to see me. "Daddy...who is he?"

"Oh...that's going to be Randolph's replacement for the butler position." the father explained. "Go and greet him."

"You're a little young to be a butler." Diamond Tiara said to me, who walked circles around me.

"Butlers come in all ages Miss Tiara, but I can assure you, I am one of the best butlers in Equestria and I have the credentials to prove it."

"Whatever..." Diamond Tiara kissed her father's cheek and trotted out of the room with her snout in the air, acting snobbish and egotistical. 

I was going to enjoy my time with this family. Wish me luck. 
> THE BUTLER №2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


BREAKFAST:

Strawberry crepes with powdered sugar

Grapefruit

Orange Juice

and Espresso for Mr. Rich






I happily made the breakfast for Mr. Rich and his daughter, as usual for breakfast, I leave the espresso and newspaper on the table for when Mr. Rich comes down and takes his seat. 

"Good morning Alistair." greeted Mr. Rich as he trotted in fully dressed in his suit and took his seat at the table. "Espresso smells great, and thanks for the newspaper."

"You're welcome Mr. Rich." I respond as I plate the crape. 

"When you're done, will you mind if you wake Diamond Tiara up and have her ready for school?" he asked, eyes glued to the newspaper. 

As a butler, you must always put the needs of your employer first beyond all else. "Certainly." I take the plate of crepe and place it in front of Mr. Rich. "Your grapefruit is waiting for you on the kitchen counter along with the sugar."

"Looks delicious." he placed the newspaper off to the side and began to eat his crepe.

I trotted up the stairs to Diamond Tiara's room. It was obvious that it was her's since there is a crayon drawing of a tiara tapped to the door. I gently knock on it. "Oh Miss Tiara...time to wake up and get ready for school."

No answer. 

"Miss Tiara?"

"Five more minutes!" she yelled from inside. 

"Your father wants you up and ready for school this instant." I explained to her.

"Ugh fine! Just get the bath ready for me THEN I'll come out...it has to be at the right temperature or I will refuse to bathe." she demanded. 

"I will get on that Miss Tiara." I said before I trotted to the bathroom. I read through the instructions that were given to me to set up the perfect Diamond Tiara approved bath. 

"Hmmm....bath filled, check. Shampoo and conditioner, check. High thread towels, check. Water temperature at 35 Celsius..." I take a mercury thermometer and place it in the water. "Double check, and rubber duckie...check, okay, bath is ready."

I return back to the her room and knock. "Bath is ready."

After a minute of silence, the door opened to reveal a tiara-less Diamond Tiara, she wore a purple robe, slippers on her forelegs and her mane was not styled and free-flowing. "About time." she yawned. "Now carry me there." She looked a lot better with her mane free and without that gaudy tiara. 

"Carry you?" I was confused by that demand. 

"I'm too tired to walk, so carry me."

I sighed. "Climb on." I let her climb onto my back and I carried her to the bathroom.

Once we reached the tub, Diamond Tiara removed her robe and slippers and climbed into the tub. "Oooh..." she gave a relaxed sigh. "...good work Alistair...for a amateur." she giggled. "Now leave me to my privacy butler...unless you are into that kind of stuff." she gave a sinister chuckle. 

"Yes Miss Tiara." I did as told and left her to her bathing. "There's something not quite right with that filly." I said to myself.

While she took her bath, my next task was to polish her gaudy and tasteless tiara. Why she always wore that is a mystery to me, maybe it just reminds her that she's the princess of the house or something, I don't really care, it is not my job to question the habits of my employers, just go along with them. 

Just as I finished polishing the tiara, the filly walked in, towel around her mane and back in her robe. "I just finished the polishing Miss Tiara." 

She came up to me to inspect that I did a good job. "Well...at least I can see myself...so it will have to do." she sighed. "You are free to do whatever you butlers do when not servicing others...I can take it from here."

"Yes Miss Tiara." I walked out of the room. 

Once I made it back downstairs, I saw Mr. Rich get his suitcase ready. "Anyways Alistair...I'll be off at work. Make sure my daughter arrives at school on time and make sure the house stays in ship shape and keep the domestic workers in check."

"Yes sir."

"Good." he then walked upstairs, presumably to say goodbye to his precious daughter. I sometimes wonder if I will ever have a family...but I am a butler, the family I work for is my family, and always will be. 

Mr. Rich returned back downstairs a minute later, grabbed his suitcase and left for work without a single word. 

Diamond Tiara followed shortly afterwards, her mane back to its usual style, complete with tiara. "Breakfast is waiting for you Miss Tiara."

"Thanks butler." she said as she walked into the kitchen. 

"Uh...I have a name you know..."

"You're a butler...you don't need a name." bluntly responded the filly. "Also, I need a tutor and I want you to be one for me."

"Yes Miss Tiara." I responded. Elementary education and tutoring was one of my specialties during my training. 

Since it was just me and her, the filly proceeded to pig-out on her food. "At least this food was edible and digestible." she commented as she cleaned her face after eating. I was slightly annoyed that she did not see my good work so highly, either that, or she was saying those things on purpose. 

"Anyways, off to boring old school, but I want you to get all the pool toys fully inflated by the time I get back, I am having a friend over..see you later amateur." she said as she chugged her orange juice and trotted out the front door to school.

After I picked up the dirty plates and placed them on the sink so the domestic workers can do them, I go out back to the pool shed to inflate the pool toys as told. I opened the shed door to find an unpleasant surprise...there were about two dozen fully deflated pool toys...and no air pump to fill them up. "This could take a while..."

TO BE CONTINUED...
> THE BUTLER №3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"All done!" I exclaimed as I finally finished inflating every single pool toy, and just as the domestic staff arrived too.

As a butler, one of my most important duties was to oversee the domestic staff, make sure they do what they were ordered correctly and keep them in line. 

"I want every part of this household completely dusted and polished please." I ordered, although many of them did not take too kindly to taking orders from a pony at least half their age. 

Other than that, they did as told and once they finished their tasks, they were free to go. 

"Now I can finally relax for a bit before the filly returns home from school." I said to myself as the last servant left. I happily went up to my room and lied down on the bed with a relaxed sigh.





I was awaken from my nap by the door bell. I groggily got up, straightened my suit and walked down the stairs. 

"Yes...?" I said as I opened the door, only to see that it was Diamond Tiara and what I assumed was her best friend back from school. "Oh."

"Is the pool and pool toys ready like I asked?" questioned the pink filly. 

"It's all ready and waiting for you Miss Tiara." I answer. I then turned to the gray filly who started at me with wide eyes. "And you must be...?"

"Uh...Silver Spoon...pleasure to meet you...what's your name?" she did not take her eyes off of me. 

"My name is-"

"He doesn't have a name Silver...he's just a butler." interrupted Miss Tiara. 

"Oh right..." the gray mare blushed. 

"Come on Silver Spoon, I want to show you some stuff daddy bought for me recently."

"Oh cool!"

They both ran up the stairs to Miss Tiara's room. "That Silver Spoon is a weird filly." I said to myself. 






SNACK:

Quiche

Cheese & Crackers

Extra-sugary non-alcoholic punch

Lemonade 


"CANNONBALL!" yelled Miss Tiara as she dived into the pool, she made sure to make a large splash. Silver Spoon laughed the sight. 

I walked in with the tray of snacks and placed them on a nearby outdoor table. "Snacks are ready for you and your friend Miss Tiara." I announce. 

I looked at the corner of my eye to see a glimpse of Silver Spoon staring at me. I turned my head to meet her gaze but she quickly averted her eyes, I think I caught a glimpse of her blushing as well. Very strange indeed.

Both fillies swam up and got out of the pool. They both took their share of the snacks and drinks. "Not bad butler...my stock in your is slowly rising." complimented Miss Tiara, or at least I think it was a compliment, hard to tell with her.

"Do you have a marefriend Mr. Butler?" blurted out Silver Spoon to me.

"Uh..."

"He's a butler, he doesn't have a marefriend and probably will never have one for as long as he's a butler." interrupted the pink filly. 

"Oh..." but that did not stop the gray filly from starting at me in awe. I truly hopped she did not have a crush on me, I preferred to keep my criminal record as clean and spotless as possible for as long as I live.

"Okay butler, please bring me and my friend here our towels, we're done with the pool for today." the pink filly ordered.

"Yes Miss Tiara." I trotted inside the house and quickly walked back out with the towels as asked, One towel was plain white with Mr. Rich's monogram, and the other was purple with "DT" on it. I gave both fillies their towels.

"Thank you butler." Miss Tiara said as she began to dry herself.

"Uh...Mr. Butler..." blushed Silver Spoon. "...would you mind if you yourself dried me instead?"

I blushed at that statement. "You heard my friend...now be a good butler and do what my guest says." ordered the pink filly. 

I took one big annoyed sigh, grabbed the white towel and began to dry Miss Tiara's friend up. "That feels nice..." cooed the gray filly. I tried to avoid the undercarriage as much as possible. 

"All dried miss." I said as I finished the task. 

"Oh thank you so much butler, it felt really nice." blushed the filly.

"Uh...right..."

"Come along Silver Spoon, we have a game of dress up to play." said Miss Tiara to her friend.

"Okay...see you later Mr. Butler." said Silver Spoon as she followed her friend back inside the house with the remaining snacks, I could have sworn that I saw her sashay her hips as she did, but I chalked that up to me seeing things.

My employment with them is off to a mighty fine start. That was sarcasm by the way since it is difficult to convey such a thing in writing, but I am getting off topic here...so moving on with my story...





Just as the sun set, Silver Spoon left and Mr. Rich returned from work. It was time for dinner.


DINNER:

Potato salad

Pasta with Alfredo sauce

Claret for Mr. Rich & Non-alcoholic sparkling cider for Miss Tiara

Dessert: Chocolate mousse


Just as I served their dinner and poured each of their drinks, I left them to talk about the day and spend quality time with each other. 

"Oh...before you go Alistair...mind looking over these documents for accuracy for me please?" Mr. Rich said as he gave a folder with paperwork inside. At least Mr. Rich is a lot more polite and less demanding than his daughter. 

"I won't mind at all Mr. Rich...enjoy your dinner." I said as I accepted the task and left them alone in the dinning room.





After some dinner and father-daughter bonding, it was time for bed, tomorrow was Saturday and even though Miss Tiara did not have school, Mr. Rich will be off at work for half-a-day, so it will be me and his daughter for most of the day, oh joy. 

After I left out some warm milk with honey and a glass of water by the filly's bedside, I returned back to my room to get as much sleep as I could. "Normally it would be the parents that are the demanding ones...but this filly...this filly isn't right." I sighed as I removed my suit, brushed my teeth in the attached bathroom to my room and collapsed on my bed. I had to get up early again so I can have plenty of time to get myself and breakfast ready. "Night, night." I set the alarm clock and closed my eyes to sleep.

One day down...ten more years before Miss Tiara is out of the house for good...
> CHEESE: Go
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Applelossa! 
We're headin' for the biggest ball of twine in Applelossa!

Sang a yellow stallion with an acoustic guitar, he wore a poncho and a sombrero as lounged in an empty train car travelling across the desert. 

Oh, we couldn't wait to get there
So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled wieners now and then

He sang. 

The scenery was just so pretty, boy I wish the kids could've seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the cart
Because the windows are completely covered
With the decals from all the places where we've already been!

Just as he finished the verse, he saw a quaint adobe house speed past. "Ooop...this is my stop!" he quickly got up and dove off the train car. He safely tumbled on the ground once he landed. He got up and dusted himself off, only to find that his acoustic guitar was smashed. "You did an amazing job guitar." he said as he removed his sombrero as a sign of mourning. "Oh well, I have plenty at home." a smile returned to his face and he trotted to the adobe house. 

"Oh hun! I'm home!" yelled Cheese as he walked into the house and removed his sombrero and poncho. 

"I'm in the kitchen!" yelled a mare back. 

"Oh goody! What's for dinner tonight?!"

"Waldorf salad and chimicherrychangas." the mare in the kitchen announced. "How was your party at Appleloosa?"

"It went amazing!" began Cheese as he sat down on the living room couch. "The party is great and I even met a homeless pony by the name of Bernie."

"Bernie?"

"He smelled real bad and ran off with my camera...but that's okay, I have my memories." smiled the yellow stallion.

"Okay, dinner is ready!" the mare announced as she walked out carrying all the dinner plates. 

"Oh Suzanne...looks delicious as always!"

"Thank you." complimented Suzanne.





Later that night, Cheese was on his bed as he read a book. The importance of copyright law: How a small public domain is helpful to the Equestrian economy by HRH Princess Celestia.

"I should write a song about this so I can make lots and lots of money." said Cheese to himself as he made that mental note. 

"Cheese hun, what are you doing?" asked Suzanne as she walked in.

"Just reading, why do you ask?" he did not take his eyes off the book.

"Well..." she was nervous. "...I have some news to tell you."

"News? I'm all eyes and ears." threw the book away. 

"How long have we been married?" asked Suzanne as she climbed on the bed and lied down next to her husband Cheese.

"Hmmm....about one thousand two hundred days...give or take a week..." Cheese answered.

"Well...I have some good news..."

The stallion waited for an answer.

"I'm...pregnant..." she announced.

"Pregnant?"

Suzanne happily nodded and smiled.

"OH MY GOODNESS!! THIS IS SO SUPER-DUPER AMAZING!" yelled Cheese with sheer excitement. "We will finally have a kid to spoil to our hearts content!" 

"I'm glad you're so happy about-"

She was suddenly pulled into a big kiss from her husband. She felt like she was melting in his forelegs. 

Cheese broke the kiss. "And you know what else this means?"

"What?"

Suddenly Cheese let his wife go and ran to the nearby closet. "I can finally plan and throw a BABY SHOWER!" he took out several baby supplies and baby shower themed party supplies. "This is going to be more amazing than the bachelor-ette party I planned!"

"The one where you popped out of the cake wearing a muscle suit and pretended to be Rambo." giggled Suzanne. 

"I couldn't resist." Cheese blushed. 

"But having a baby is a lot more than just throwing parties Cheese...it's about being responsible and getting used to the fact that it isn't about us anymore." stated the mare to her husband.

"I know hun, I know." he gave her a sincere smile. "But we should still celebrate this awesome news!"

"How are we going to celebrate may I ask?" Suzanne said in a playful tone.

"The same way we always celebrate...a game of 'twister on the bed'." he said in a seductive voice.

"Oh my." Suzanne blushed and giggled.





"Okay...now move your hoof a little to left." said Suzanne. "Okay...you're almost at the spot."

"I'm trying..." said Cheese who sounded like he was panting and struggling. "...GOT IT!"

"YAY!" 

Cheese finally managed to get his front left hoof on red without toppling over. The couple were on top of a twister mat on top of their bed. "Your turn to spin Suzanne." he laughed. 

"If I could reach."

"Is that a declaration of surrender I hear?" the stallion slyly joked.

"I swear Cheese...you can be an impossible colt sometimes." fake pouted the mare as she pretended to be offended.

"But I am YOUR impossible colt!" he grinned.

Suzanne was about to say something but they both lost their balance and toppled down on the mat together. They both laughed uncontrollably, not caring who won or lost. 

As soon as they stopped laughing, the two just looked at each other and smiled. "Night Cheese."

"Night Suzanne." he kissed her forehead and turned off the lamp. 

THE END
> THE BUTLER №4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, how was your breakfast Miss Tiara?" I asked as I picked up the half eaten plates of food.

"You don't cook as well as the last one." bluntly stated the filly as she chugged her orange juice. "But I guess you will improve in time."

The front doorbell rang. 

"That must be Silver Spoon, tell her that I'll be getting myself ready for the day if you don't mind. I'll be down in a few." and with that, Diamond Tiara jumped out of her chair and trotted up the stairs with her nose to the air.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the front door, I opened it after the third ring of the bell to reveal the gray filly Silver Spoon at the door. "Oh, good morning butler." smiled the filly, I thought I saw a slight blush on her face. "Will Diamond Tiara be long?"

"She'll be down in a few minutes Miss Spoon, you can come inside to wait."

"Oh, I appreciate that." smiled the gray filly as she walked inside and sat on the living couch. "So...how is working for Diamond and her father going?" she asked me. 

"It is going bearably well so far, thanks for asking." I answer as I stood next to the couch she sat on. 

"That's good, uh," she nervously shifted around. "do you have a special somepony?"

I raised an eyebrow at that question, not expecting such a thing for a filly as young as her. "Uh...no, as a butler you always put the needs of the family you work for before your own needs. Therefore, I have no time for such things."

Her expression turned slightly cheerful when she heard that answer. "So no special somepony?"

"None whatsoever Miss Spoon."

"So those that make you a vir-"

"OH SILVER SPOON!" announced Diamond Tiara as she slid down the staircase railing. She nailed the landing perfectly to my surprise. 

"Diamond!" Miss Spoon excitedly ran over to her best friend and they both greeted each other by bumping each others rumps to show off their cutie marks. "Ready for another fun day?"

"Of course I am ready for another fun day Silver, I see a lot of mischief in our future." she gave an evil smirk. Miss Tiara turned to me. "Keep the house spotless while we are away butler."

"Yes Miss Tiara." I dryly responded. 

Both fillies confidently walked out the door, with Miss Spoon turning to look at me one last time and waving goodbye. I was now alone in the house, again.





The doorbell rang again. I naturally answered the door and I open it to reveal three fillies with a wagon of what appears to be arts and crafts.

"Hello Sir or Madam," read the yellow coated, red mane filly with a pink bow from a written script. "we are members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders trying to sell these nice school made crafts in order to help us earn our cutie marks," a unicorn filly started to show off some of their mediocre at best hoofmade crafts. "we have a very nice selection and the starting price is 5 bits, so please help these poor blank flank fillies by buying some today." finished the yellow coated filly. 

The three each give a large grin.

"Uh...girls...sorry to disappoint you, but that's not how it works...that's not how any of this works." I bluntly break it to them. Each of the three fillies expressions soon deflate to sadness along with the yellow coated filly's bow. "Sorry girls, but I wish you all the best of luck in your endeavor." with that, I shut the door, but I did give them a bit for their troubles. 





Several hours later, I was in the living room reading the newspaper. "BUTLER!" I was startled by the loud voice. I turned around to see to my surprise, a very muddy Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, inside, with muddy hoofprints all over the floor. "Clean us! Now!" angrily demanded Miss Tiara.

"Uh...what happened?"

"Don't...ask!" she growled. 

They both walked up the stairs. "But what about the mud?"

"YOU clean it! You're being paid to do so!" pointed out Miss Tiara.

"But-"

"Do it or else I'll tell daddy that you have been lazying around on the job butler!" she interrupted me.

I say nothing more and leave to grab a bucket and sponge as the fillies ran to the bathroom tracking mud.





"Oh Diamond sweetie...daddy is home!" announced Mr. Rich as he arrived home from work. He saw me on the floor just as I finished scrubbing the floors clean. "Oh hey there Alistair, how was my precious gem of a daughter?"

"The same as always." I said in a tongue-in-cheek manner. "By the way, Miss Spoon will be spending the night here."

"That's nice of her, so good to see my daughter spend some time with her friend." he cheerfully stated as he walked to his home office. 





That night, I just put on my pajamas and I sat on the bed setting the alarm for another long day. "It just HAS to be the filly that causes the most problems...oh goodness." I sigh, I was just about to lie down, when a knock on the door interrupted me. I reluctantly got up and opened it.

"Sorry to disturb you Mr. Butler...but mind if I sleep here for tonight?" asked Miss Spoon as she stood before at the door, wearing a gray robe and her mane free and loose. 

"Why? This is highly inappropriate." I said skeptically of her intentions.

"D.T. is snoring louder than usual and I can barely sleep with that, so mind if I bunk with you?" she pleaded. I sense that there was an ulterior motive. But I was too tired and annoyed to care. 

"Sure, go ahead." I sighed. 

"Yes!" the gray filly ran to the bed and jumped on it. "This bed feels comfy and bouncy." she mused.

"Just to warn you, I wake up very early in the morning in order to get an early start on breakfast." I instructed as I lied down on my side of the bed.

"That's okay, I'm early riser myself." assured the filly as she took off her glasses and  tucked herself in. "Night night Alistair." she said to me before she started to sleep.

I was taken aback by the fact she used my name, but I went along with it. "Good night Silver Spoon." and with that, I fell asleep on another long day. 
> BRAEBURN & TOFFEE: Ate
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Happy one year anniversary hun!" exclaimed Toffee as she gave her coltfriend Braeburn some of her signature caramel apple pie. 

"Oh wow...looks delicious as always!" Braeburn's mouth began to water.

Even after an entire year, Braeburn still had no clue that his marefriend, Toffee, was formally a stallion. Through weekly potion injections, the mare has been able to remain a mare for over a year, and she was loving it.

"Wow...a whole entire year since we first met...my how the time flies." mused the stallion as he took off his hat and grabbed a slice of the pie before he took a big mouthful of it. "Mmm...it even tastes kind of like you...only more apple-ly" he chuckled.

Toffee just blushed as she sat down and admired such a prime specimen of stallionhood. The colt that inspired her to change genders, although the fact that now she can wear beautiful dresses and be taken more seriously didn't hurt matters.

The mare placed her hoof on Braeburn's and looked into his eyes. "You have been so good to me Brae...you're the best coltfriend a mare could ask for."

Braeburn blushed. "Awww....shucks...it's nothin'..."

"I-I really want to spend the rest of my life with you." she smiled. 

"R-Really?" Braeburn was touched. 

"Really."

"Together forever?" he asked.

"Together forever indeed." agreed the mare.





"Your first kiss was with who?!"

"She really wanted to practice...besides...she was my cousin and ah couldn't let her down, so ah practiced my kissing with her." related Braeburn to Toffee as the cuddled on the couch together.

"How was her first kiss?"

"She nearly ate my face!" he laughed. "Oh my stars...it was more like eatin' than kissin'."

Toffee laughed really hard. "DUDE!" she exclaimed.

"There ya go again sayin' dude...ya sometimes talk and act like a colt."

"Is that a bad thing?" she quickly caught herself.

"No...it just means that yer a tomboy and ah don't care if ya are...yer still the best mare ah have ever dated." Braeburn gave an assuring smile.

Toffee was so touched that she gave the stallion a quick peck on the cheek. "And you are my handsome and sexy stalli-" she was quickly interrupted by a large stabbing pain on her side. "AUGH!"

"Toffee?" Braeburn was concerned. 

She quickly got off the couch. "I'll be right back...need to take care of something!"

"What's goin' on?"

Toffee sprinted out without an answer. 





She quickly reached her home at the Appleloosa boarding house and dove under her bed. She dragged out a metal box and unlocked the padlock, although the pain became too much for her to keep much of her concentration. "How could I have forgotten to do this in the morning!" she exclaimed to herself as she heard her own voice start to change. 

The mare got out the potion, placed it in a hypodermic needle and immediately injected it through her rump. She felt the potion do its work in restoring her back to remaining a mare. 

The length she had to go through in order to have this lifestyle. 





Braeburn knocked on the door to Toffee's room at the boarding house. "Toff hun...can ah come in?" asked the concerned yellow stallion. 

The door slowly opened to let the stallion in. "Ah was worried back there ya know..." he said as he walked inside to see Toffee lying down on the couch. "Are ya okay now?" walked up to her and brushed her mane.

"Yes...I am fine now Brae...just my diabetes...that's all." she lied, but she did not want to know how Braeburn would react if he found out that he's been in a relationship with a stallion disguised as a mare for the last year.

"Ah'm yer coltfriend Toff...it is my job to worry about ya." he smiled. 

"You are so good to me Brae...so good to me..." she smiled back.

The stallion kissed his marefriend on the lips, he was about to break it, but Toffee suddenly wrapped her forelegs around his shoulder and kept the kissing going.

"My my..." he said between kisses. "..frisky now are we?"

"You know it." laughed the mare between kisses.

"Ah'm the stallion in this relationship...ah should be the one that's frisky."

Toffee broke the kiss. "Is that a bad thing?" she was worried that her cover might have been blown.

"Oh not at all...ah love it when a mare takes charge." Braeburn laughed.

The mare just smiled and quickly resumed her make-out session with the stallion, fore-hooves rubbing up and down his sides. "Oh, so strong and muscular...my sexy colt..." she thought as she removed Braeburn's vest.

The stallion happily went along with it. "Why do I always have this thought that what I am doing is not a good idea...? Ah buck it...ah don't care...she's mine!"





"OH BRAEBURN!" screamed Toffee as she finally collapsed on top of him. They were both still on the couch. The couple panted from exhaustion. 

"Ya sure know how to please a colt." chuckled the stallion. 

"Thanks...and YOU sure know how to please a mare." also chuckled the mare.

"You're welcome...although compared to my cousin Mac...ah have horrible luck with mares."

"I know...because everyone thinks you're a coltcuddler."

"And ah would like to thank ya for provin' them wrong." he brushed her mane as the mare laid her head on his chest. "That ah'm not a coltcuddler."

"From what I have seen and experienced of you...I'm surprised you don't have a bunch of mares to trip over." she laughed.

"Ah'll take that as a compliment." kissed her forehead. "Now it is time for my favorite part."

"Cuddling?"

"No, sixty-nine...of course cuddlin'." Braeburn laughed. Toffee also laughed along with him as she closed her eyes.

"I love you Brae." she said as she kissed his chest.

"Ah love ya too Toff." he smiled before he also closed his eyes for a well deserved nap.

"I wonder how long I can keep this up...lying to him about who I really am, that I am actually the stallion and former farmhoof by the name of Caramel...is this all worth it?" she thought before she finally fell asleep. 
> THE BUTLER №5
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five a.m., time to get up. 

As was typical, I awoke when the alarm started to ring, I tried to reach over to turn it off but I suddenly felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a most adorable sight; little miss Silver Spoon quietly sleeping, her head rested on my chest. She looked so peaceful.

"Mmm....five more minutes hun." she mumbled as her body reflexively twitched.

"HUN?!" I scream to myself. My goodness, this filly is so not worth going to jail for I tell you that. I gently and slowly managed to get the gray filly off of me without disturbing her and got out of bed to get myself dressed and ready to do my assigned morning chores.

I trotted over to the bathroom and turned on the water. Once I was certain that the temperature was at my favorite place, I happily got in and let the nice warm water run down my back and mane. "Hmmm...that feels nice..." I needed that relief from all the stress Miss Tiara has been giving me recently. My mind started to wander.








I happily sat on the living room couch surrounded by two of the most gorgeous mares in the world, happily chatting it up with both of them. 

"So ladies, who here is ready to receive some 'fish and finger pies' if I say so myself." I gave a smirked to them. The mares were Neighponese twins.  

One had "街" as a cutie mark while the other has "娼". "Oh mister Alistair, you are so dreamy and sexy. 私は喜んであなたが私の猫詰め掛けできるようになる!" 

"Don't mind if I do." I laughed. 

"あなたはその後、その後、私の猫をなめることはできますか!" exclaimed the other twin as she playfully pouted.

"Now, now ladies, there's plenty of Alistair for both of you."

"The entire stairwell is cleaned master." interrupted my butler Filthy Rich as he walked into the room. 

"Good, now go clean the pool. Chop chop!" I clap my hooves to signify that he should start immediately. "Oh, and I want your daughter here to trim my hooves and then lick them clean."

"Yes master." Filthy bowed to me before he walked off.

Soon, a sad and miserable looking Diamond Tiara walked in with a hoof filer and bucket. "You asked for me master?"

"Hooves, filed and trimmed. Followed by a good licking afterwards." I instructed.

"Yes master." she walked up to me and started to work on the back left hoof. 

"Oh, and clean the couch once me and the girls are done with it okay?"

"Yes master."








"MISTER BUTLER?!" a voice suddenly snapped me out of my fantasy. I quickly pulled back the shower curtains to see who it is that was talking. 

"What is it? I'm a bit busy-" to my horror, I saw Silver Spoon before me.

"What's that big thing between your hind legs?" she asked me with a mixture of shock and curiosity. 

"What thing-?" I quickly realized what she was talking about. I blushed and quickly closed the shower curtains between us. "Can you please get out so I can finish!" I order.

"But-"

"NOW!"

"Oh...okay..." Miss Spoon sheepishly walked out of my bathroom and closed the door.

Those two fillies will be the death of me, I swear. 

After the shower, I got myself dressed and ready to face another annoying day with the family. "May this day be an improvement over yesterday." I mumble to myself.





"Oh Alistair!" announced Filthy Rich as he arrived home from work early.

"Yes Mr. Rich?" I asked from the kitchen as I started to cook dinner. 

"Change of plans, I have invited some very important business executives from the Griffin Empire for dinner, so two extra place settings and some Griffin cuisine will be nice." he told me.

"Oh, that reminds me, Miss Tiara will be having dinner over at her friend's house for tonight." I share with him. 

"So one extra place setting then, good, now I'll be off getting ready, mind shopping for the ingredients? I'll keep the executives busy until your return." he offered to me.

"But sir, it is nearly impossible to get meat products in Ponyville, I'll need to travel to Canterlot and that could take an entire day."

"Damn it! I should've planned this out further ahead, but what are you going to feed them? Ninety percent of their meals have some kind of meat in it!" Mr. Rich looked like he was about to start to panic. 

"Don't worry, I know how to cook high protein meatless meals, just leave it all to me Mr. Rich." I assured him.

"Okay," he breathed a sigh of relief. "you have three hours before dinner is served, good luck." and with that, he walked out of the kitchen as he left me to do my cooking.






Dinner with Griffin executives

Appetizer: Lentil salad

Main course: Falafel

Dessert: Yogurt Ice Cream

Champagne


"Anyways, me and my associate Leto are here to finalize the our business deal with the company you represent, and we heard you are one of the best corporate lawyers in all of Equestria, and this deal will bring us Griffins and Ponies economically closer together." explained the more senior Griffin of the two. He looked middle aged and wore a fancy business suit.

"Yes Mr. Kronos, I know things have been financially rocky since the recent inflation crisis started in your land several years ago." said Mr. Rich.

"Rocky nothing! It took a barrel full of our currency just to buy a single pork lion. Our cubs were using bundles of them as construction blocks!" clarified the Griffin.

"Thank goodness this started to stabilize since we started to temporarily use the Equestrian Bit, seeing as how the Bit is the most stable and most valuable currency on the planet." chimed in Leto, a younger female Griffin. 

"But we can't use it forever, our ruler is calling our use of a foreign currency, especially one belonging to a kingdom we have an uneasy at best relationship with a national embarrassment." continued Kronos. 

I walked in with a bottle of champagne to refill their glasses. "Refills?" I offer then.

"Ah, I could use some." smiled Kronos as he lets me pour his drink. 

"Oh...uh...the same here." nervously announced Leto. She starred at me the entire time as I poured her drink. I just finished up and picked up any of the dirty plates from off the table. 

"I'll come back with the dessert." I announce. 

"Mmm...delicious." smiled Mr. Rich.

"So...uh...he's pretty young for a butler." nervously began the female griffin. 

"I know, but it serves as a nice contrast to our old one," stated Mr. Rich. "anyways, what can the company that I represent do for your company?" 

"Your desserts are ready." I announce as I walk in pushing a cart with yogurt ice cream glasses on it. "One for each."

"Yogurt is a very popular dessert in the Griffin empire." stated Leto. 

"Takes me back to my childhood." smiled Kronos as both griffins took their glasses and started to eat.

Once everyone got their glass, I took away the dirty plates and the carts and walked back to the kitchen. 





As the night wore on, both Mr. Rich and Mr. Kronos retired to the study to talk about economics and politics. Ms. Leto sat by-herself in the living room, Griffin females are not expected to participate in after-dinner socializing with other males. She looked bored where she sat. "Need anything ma'am?" I asked her as I walked in.

"Oh, nothing, I'm used to waiting for my husband to finish." she told me. Although she looked bored and disappointed. 

"Well, if there is anything, all you need to do is ask." I offer her.

"Well...can I ask you a question?" she started.

"What?"

"Can you do other things besides cook and clean?" she asked me nervously. 

"What do you mean?" I was suspicious. 

"Like, I don't know, give a client in need some release-" before she could complete her request, Mr. Rich and Mr. Kronos walked out of the study. 

"Well, it was nice being here, but it is getting late, do this again after the deal is finalized?" said a smiling Kronos to Mr. Rich.

"I would be honored too." smiled Mr. Rich. 

They both happily waved each other goodbye. "Come along Leto." said the griffin male. 

Leto sighed. "Yes Kronos." she looked back to me with a look of longing. "I'm coming."

They both left out the front door and the place was quiet again.

"That went rather well." smiled a confident Mr. Rich. "So glad I'm still at the top of my game." he confidently returned back to the study to finish off some work. 

At least this day went rather well. But little did I know, but Leto will bring me problems in the future, but that's for another time.
> TROTCON SPEEDFIC: Sweetie Vs. Fabric
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sweetie Belle scowled her face as she stared down the most stubborn piece of fabric she has ever encountered.

"Move already!" angrily growled the filly through gritted teeth. 

She really wanted this piece of cloth to levitate or at least move an inch, anything to show that all the effort she put forth in learning the new levitation spell she read was worth it. But no matter how hard she thought, how hard she concentrated nothing happened and the fabric stayed put.

Sweetie gave an annoyed grunt, she felt that piece of cloth silently mock her in her failure.

"I will not let you win you stupid piece of fashion!"

The filly tried again, but this time she thought that by straining herself more, something would happen.

Sweetie scowled more in concentration, brows down, face clenched and sweat running down her face. Eventually, a small green glow emanated from her horn. She felt her developing magic finally doing something productive. She watched to her surprise the fabric slowly start to budge a little.

"Just a little more!" she grunted.

The filly strained herself even more, her horn glowed even more. The fabric slowly and stubbornly started to lift off from the floor. 

"It's working!" Sweetie excitedly exclaimed "It's working!" 

Her celebration was cut short by a loud pop sound, the filly's face went from excitement and joy, to shock and horror in an instant. 

The fabric was destroyed.

Destroyed was too much of an understatement to Sweetie's eyes. It was vaporized, with nothing but charred pieces littering the floor left.

Sweetie just cried from another failure, she curled down on the floor to wallow in self-loathing and tears.

"Sweetie?" chimed a concerned voice.

The filly stayed on the floor crying. "Oh Sweetie?!" gasped the new voice. "What is the matter?" a unicorn mare walked up to the filly.

"It's no use Rarity, I'll never learn magic!" the filly exclaimed to her older sister in tears.

"Oh Sweetie..." the older mare used her own magic to lift the filly off the floor and wipe her tears away with a napkin. "...I'm sure you'll master the most basic spells soon enough, it just takes time and a lot of practice." the mare assured.

"I know Rarity, but when?" she looked up to her sister with a sad look.

Rarity gave an assuring smile. "Want to know a secret?"

Sweetie just nodded her head.

"It took me a while to master my magic as well, in fact, I remember when I vaporized a dozen or so fabrics just so I can learn my levitation abilities!"

Sweetie was surprised. "You vaporized fabrics too?"

"Mother was at her wits end because of that, but I assure you that it was worth it in the end darling."

The filly gave a small smile. "How about tomorrow when I have the time, I help you with this?"

"I would love that sister." smiled the filly.

"Me too Sweetie." smiled and winked back Rarity.

Both sisters gave each other a tight hug, Sweetie felt better knowing she had a sister who would be willing to help her, if she had the time of course.

Also, that fabric vaporizing spell may come in good use one day.

THE END
> SAPPHIRE SHORES: Chapter S
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry Miss Shores, but we're going to have to scratch that take, you sounded a bit off-key during the middle eight there." announced the producer from the control room to Sapphire Shores in the recording booth. 

"Sorry, it has been a while since I last used the whistle register." apologized the singer with a hint of sass in her voice. "Can we please call it a night and try it again tomorrow?" 

"Okay, we'll meet back here tomorrow at 10:10 Miss Shores." instructed the producer.

"Thanks Red." smiled the singer as she removed her headphones and walked out of the recording booth. She walked to the control room to grab her personal items. She just sighed.

"You okay Miss Shores?" asked Red with some concern in her voice.

"I'm fine, just tired from the long session." she answered, but there was something more to that. 

"Anyways, before you leave, I managed to assemble a nice and sexy beat for the other song you asked for." stated Red as he set everything up on the counsel to play the recording. 

"Can it be replicated live perfectly?" Sapphire asked with interested. 

"Yes it can be replicated live perfectly." Red jokingly rolled his eyes. "I tried to use as little programming as possible." he pressed a button and a nice smooth instrumental track started to play.

Sapphire nodded her head to the song and was immediately hooked. "Ooooh Weeee...now there's a beat I can make love too." she was impressed.  "Now I see why you come highly recommenced."

"Thanks." the producer chuckled and blushed a bit.

"I'll tell ya, keep up the good work, and I may use you for ALL of the songs on the album." she sat down next to Red at the counsel. 

"You serious?" 

"Serious as a heart attack." chuckled the mare. The instrumental track soon stopped playing. "Hard to believe that came from a first timer."

"I always try my best Miss Shores."

The diva just smiled. "I feel so much better and at home in the recording studio, no loud cheering, no annoying fans, just myself and the music...this place is my sanctuary, all my albums were recorded and produced in this very studio." 

"You don't like performing?"

"I DO love performing, it's one of my favorite things...it's the manure the goes along with it that I hate, such a grind." she sighed. "It gets annoying." she looked at the clock, it read three in the morning. "Anyways, I'm off to get some rest, same time tomorrow then?"

"You know it Miss Shores." Red assured as he started to turn everything off.

"Great. I'll see you then." Sapphire got up, grabbed her things and walked out of the studio. Red finished up several minutes later and locked the door shut. Next to the door was a name plaque with a picture of a dolphin on it to symbolize who was the most frequent user of that studio and her original dream before she became a famous singer. 





"So, in order to capitalize on the Hearth's Warming Day market, we're thinking of doing a cover album of traditional winter time songs instead of your planned studio album." announced an executive to Sapphire Shores.  She found herself in the worst aspect of doing music; dealing with executives.

"And what's wrong with the album I am working on now?" she asked incredulously behind a pair of sunglasses and an afro. 

"Oh, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just that it has been 15 years since your last Hearth's Warming album and I believe it is time to satisfy the public's demand for another one."

With annoyance, Sapphire removed her sunglasses to make eye contact with each of the members of the board. "If there is one thing I learned from nearly twenty years in the industry, it would have to be that you leave the public wanting for more!" she exclaimed. "Despite the fact that I had such a debilitating case of stage fright at the time that prevented me from going on tour for another three years, my debut album managed to earn FIFTEEN times platinum and EIGHT number one singles!" she continued. "How many debut albums received such a distinction?"

"No one close ma'am." answered one of the execs. 

"I have proven myself time and again to be THE greatest music artist in Equestrian history, which means I EARNED my right to decide what I can or cannot release under my name!" she pounded a foreleg on the wooden table. 

The entire room went silent in shock. 

"So I propose that we release an album of number one songs instead." she announced.

"But that's nearly thirty songs-"

"Then make a double album! Just get it done!" Sapphire Shores demanded. She annoyingly got up and stomped out of the board room. 





"Sorry I'm late!" announced Sapphire Shores as she ran into the recording studio. The producer Red had been waiting for her. "I had some 'politics' to take care of." she sat down at a couch in the control room. 

"I know the feeling." chuckled Red as he started to get everything ready. "Anyways, I was thinking."

"About what?"

"I was thinking that, it would be an honor for me to produce the entire album." Red smiled. 

"You really do want to produce the whole album?" the diva was stunned, no producer in years took her offer seriously before.

"It would make the album sound more coherent and unified." explained Red. "Besides, I already came up with the hooks for the other songs."

"Oh you did?" the diva smirked. "Let's here them all."

Red happily started to play the first track and Sapphire Shores quickly liked what she heard. 

Soon, evening gave way to night as both producer and diva happily worked together alone, recording songs, brainstorming styles and coming up with better beats and hooks.

"Can it make it sound more gospel?" "Can you slow it down a bit?" "Can you add more drums to that?" she would ask of Red.

"Can you sing higher?" "Can you put emotion into that?" "Can you do it again so I can double-track you?" he would ask of Sapphire Shores.

The diva has never enjoyed recording in years. She was glad of all the progress that was being made for this new album. She never had this great of chemistry with her producer before.

Finally, dawn came, but the two ponies in the windowless recording studio never noticed they were there all night apart from a wall clock that told them the time.

"That's it! It's a master Miss Shores!" happily announced Red as recording stopped. "Come on in to hear it."

Sapphire happily did as told and once in the control room, gave Red a tight hug. "This album is going to be great! Thank you so much for all your help Red!"

Red blushed "No problem." he smiled as the diva finally broke the hug. 

They both smiled at each other in silence until the diva came in and tenderly kissed Red on the lips. The producer kissed the diva back but with more passion. The singer didn't mind it and welcomed it as the kiss turned into a make-out session. Both continued their hot and heavy kissing as they took it to the studio couch to continue the fun.

"This escalated quickly...in a very nice way" smiled Sapphire in response to this latest turn of events. She was going to enjoy working with him that's for sure.
> THE MACHINE: The Ones Left Behind
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sunday, September 10, 1899


The doorbell rang loudly as an old housekeeper calmly walked to the door and opened it to reveal a slightly large man with a full beard standing outside. "Oh, Mister Wotton, come on in." invited the housekeeper as she showed the man inside.

"Thanks, I won't be long though." he said as he straightened out his business suit. "Heard anything from Adam lately?" he asked as he took off his bowler hat. 

"No, I haven't heard anything from him in almost a month now. It's like he just disappeared." the housekeeper said with worry.

"His absence is sure getting worrisome, not like him to just leave without telling someone." he explained with concern. "The university wants me to tell him to come back, but as you said, no word of his whereabouts have surfaced yet." 

Mr. Wotton walked straight to Adam's office to the left of the main entrance. The housekeeper flipped on the light switch to reveal an abandoned room, everything left where they were since its owner disappeared. The man just looked around, he really missed his good friend. 

"I don't know what to do with his horses, or his things." the old woman explained.

"Well...if he doesn't show up for another month, how would you like to work with us again?" he offered.

"I don't know...what if he shows up?" she asked with reluctance. "What about the horses?"

"I have a cousin down in Kansas that would be willing to take care of them, he runs a horse ranch after all." assured the man. "Besides, those mares are too smart to be turned into meat or glue."

"And his things?"

"I'll take them, make sure that his legacy survives." he stated. "His papers need to be published so everyone can see that he was ahead of his time."

"Okay, but I'm waiting another month, then we'll discuss possible employment with you." stated the old housekeeper.

"Okay." he chuckled. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm glad he's gone." Mr. Wotton stated bluntly.

"Why would you say such a thing?" she was confused.

"Because wherever he is now...I am sure he's at a place where he can be happy and live the life he always wanted." he smiled, he missed his friend so much, but at the same time, he was proud that his friend found a place to belong. Mr. Wotton sighed nostalgically before he turned to leave. "Well, I am off before my wife starts to worry, we'll talk more about this later." 

"I'll look forward to that." nodded the housekeeper as he lead the man to the front door. "Good night Mr. Wotton."

"The same to you Mrs. Tuppence." he said before the front door closed, once again the housekeeper was alone. 

She walked over to the door of the office, sadly scanning the empty room. She also missed him. "Godspeed Adam, wherever you are, Godspeed." she smiled before she turned off the lights and closed the door. The room was once again shrouded in darkness.

Outside, Mr. Wotton looked back one last time at the house and smiled. He felt a sense a pride for his missing friend. Wherever he is, he has finally found happiness and maybe someone to love. Something he always dreamed for him. 

He will not be forgotten. 
> THE BUTLER №6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, I was tasked to buy a new flower arrangement for the dinning room table that would be pleasing to our griffin guests. I walked into town to the one flower shop that Mr. Rich recommended me. 

"Hello?" I asked as I walked through the door. A bell rung to signal my presence. It looked like a typical flower shop with bouquets and potted flowers all over.  

"I'll be right out." said a voice from the back.

I waited patiently for the employee to walk in. Soon, a red maned mare walked in. "Hello, I'm Roseluck, how can I help you today?" she said to me with a smile.

"Oh, I'm just looking for some flower arrangements, preferably involving the national flowers of the griffin kingdom." I explained to her.

"So, an arrangement of bay laurel branches, violas and cyclamen graecums?" she answered. 

"Why...yes." I was surprised she got that right. "You do know a lot about flowers I heard."

"I know the national flower of every single nation and kingdom on the planet." she smiled in a somewhat cocky manner. "It comes with the job."

"So, when can I expect the arrangement to be ready?" I asked her.

"It should be ready by tomorrow morning Mr. uh..."

"Alistair, I'm Alistair, butler."

"You look a little young to be a butler." she pointed out. 

"I was born to do this." I assured her. 

"Well Mr. Butler, what to come on back to the green house to see what will make up your griffin themed flower arrangement?" she offered me.

"It would be a pleasure, thanks." I politely accepted.

With nothing but a smile, she walked me over to the green house attached to the building. "As you know, cyclamen graecums are only found in the high elevation ground of the griffin kingdom. Because of that, it has become a national flower for the kingdom and it features prominently on the griffin coat of arms." she explained to me.

"And the bay laurels?"

"A symbol of the royal family whose early ancestors where bay leaf growers before taking the throne." continued Roseluck. "Did you know that one of their biggest exports is bay leaves Mr. Alistair?"

"I did not know that." I was impressed by her. I was always a sucker for smart mares, a hot body can only impress me for so long which is why I value intelligence in a mare.

"And the violas?"

"To commemorate those who died in their last great war against Equestria a century ago." explained Roseluck. "The most bloodiest battle took place in the sky over a field of violas."

"Oh wow." I was shocked and moved by that.

"I know, but without it, we wouldn't be in the middle of this century long peace and our children will never grow up in a world of warfare ever again."

"And I am thankful of this peace." I say to her. Still impressed by her knowledge. "You are very knowledgeable, I like that."

"When it comes to flowers and its related history, I can be, everything else, yeah, not so much." she walked off to gather the flowers needed.

"It's still impressive, I really like that in a mare." I blurt out. She stopped in her tracks.

"Are you flirting with me Mr. Alistair?" she asked me, suspicious. 

"Uh..." I quickly realized what I said and I nervously started to back away. "...no..." I kind of lied there.

"Because if you are, I demand you take me out to dinner Mister." she said to me in a kind of playful tone.

"Dinner?"

"You're cute, I can give you that, but I want to be treated out on a date first before I can even consider accepting your advances."

"Uh...okay...where and when...?"

"That's all up to you Mr. Flirty."

"Oh...well...I have to go now, but when I come back to pick up the arrangement I will tell you the where and the when..." I started to nervously sweat bullets. "So...uh...got to go..." I quickly turned around and trotted out the door. I gave a sigh of relief once outside again. "Great going Alistair, walked yourself into that one!" I say to myself.

"HEY BUTLER!" yelled a shrill voice, startling me out of my thoughts. 

"Huh?" I looked around to see Miss Spoon in front of me.

"Miss Spoon?"

"I made you a Hearts & Hooves Day card." she chimed as she gave me the card.

"But Hearts & Hooves Day isn't for another six months Miss Spoon." I pointed out.

"I know, but I couldn't wait that long to give you one." she smiled. "I hope you love it, tell me what you think tomorrow." 

"Okay, I will-" before I could complete my sentence, the gray filly ran off to go somewhere. "What a strange filly she is."





I returned back to the mansion with some groceries and I felt exhausted. "Mr. Rich, I am back." I announce.

"Oh good, and the flower arrangement?" he asked as he walked in. 

"Ready by tomorrow morning."

"Good." said a relieved Mr. Rich. "Here, let me help you with that." he grabbed the bag of groceries and took it to the kitchen. That was very nice of him, although I suspect it's that niceness that turned his daughter to the insufferable brat that she is. Speaking of which...

"BUTLER! FIX MY BATH!" yelled the insufferable brat from upstairs. 

"Coming Miss Tiara." I say to her as I walked up the stairs with my sore legs. One of these days, one of these days, I will find a way to get her to become a well behaved filly that she is supposed to be. No matter what it takes.

"About time you got your lazy rump up here." she said to me. She was in her robe, her mane loose and devoid of that awful tiara as she stood by her bedroom door. "Now carry me there, I am tired of walking."

"Yes Miss Tiara." was all I could say. It was either go along with it, or have her bitch and moan for Celestia knows how long. I got down on the floor so she could climb up on my back. After I made sure she was properly on, I took her to the bathroom and started to fix her bath.

She climbed into the tub and gave a relaxed sigh. "Good work this time Mr. Butler." she gave a rare compliment to me.





After I tucked Diamond Tiara in, I finally reached my room and collapsed on the bed. "Ugh...another day done and over with..." I completely forgot about that card though, must have left it in Miss Tiara's room after I tucked her in. Oh well, doesn't matter.

How wrong I was to think that.
> THE BUTLER №7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Good morning!" announced Mr. Rich has came down to the kitchen with a smile. 

"Good morning Mr. Rich." I responded while I prepped the kitchen for breakfast. "Why are you in such a good mood?"

"Because today is the day that I'll finalize the business deal with the griffins. I'm telling you Alistair, things will be even better for us after this." he smirked as he started to make himself some coffee. 

I was quickly reminded of something I had to ask Mr. Rich for. "Uh...Mr. Rich, can I ask for a favor?" I tell him as I continued the prep. 

"Why, certainly, what can I do you for?" the coffee started to percolate.

"Well, I have been asked out on a dinner date and I was wondering if I can have a night off sometime this week." I really hoped he would not deny my request.

"Well, you have been working really hard for us, so I don't see why not." Mr. Rich smiled at me. "Permission granted for Saturday night!"

"Oh, thank you so much Mr. Rich." I was really grateful.

"So, who's the lucky mare if I may ask?" he joked with curiosity. 

"Oh, that flower shop owner, Roseluck."

"Look at you, you charming stud you, attracting the ladies, that's great." Mr. Rich laughed. "Anyways, I'll be out all day with the griffin clients, I want you to get everything all set up and ready for the dinner when we get here in the evening." he instructed me. 

"Got it, I wish you the best of luck Mr. Rich."

"Thanks, I need it." once the coffee finished, he chugged it down and ran out the door for the most important day of his career.

It was quiet once again, but it did not stay that way for long. "BUTLER!" yelled the all to familiar voice before its owner barged into the kitchen in a robe and loose mane. She had a pissed off look on her face.

"Yes Miss Tiara?"

"You left this in my room you sick bastard." she threw the letter that I inadvertently left behind from Silver Spoon at me. "You disgust me you twisted perv!" she growled at me with disgust. "STAY AWAY FROM MY FRIEND OR I'LL CALL THE AUTHORITIES!" she yelled before she stormed out of the kitchen.

I had no idea what she talked about. I picked up the recently opened letter and peaked inside to see Polaroid pictures. "What's this?" I say to myself as I looked through the photos...big mistake. "OH MY GOODNESS!" I drop the pictures to the floor in shock and horror. 



I thought I would help you through your loneliness when I'm not around and to show you how much I love you.
-Silver Spoon ;)


said the note that accompanied the photos. 

My world felt like it was starting to spin. "Why...?" I say to myself over and over again. 

Next thing I knew, I was over my bathroom toilet, sick. 





I happily threw the photos into the fireplace along with the accompanying note. "That filly is not worth going to jail over for." I say with disgust. 

Once the evidence was disposed of I then left to pick up the flower arrangement for the dinner tonight. I arrived at the flower shop and entered it.

"Welcome back Mr. Flirty." giggled Roseluck. "The arrangement is out back, let me get it for you." she went to the greenhouse out back and I waited. She returned a minute later. "What do you think?" she showed it to me.

"It looks....impressive...I love it!" I really was impressed, such a fine job, she truly was the best florist in town. "Thank you so much."

"And it's yours for free if you promise to pay for our dinner." she said to me. 

I blushed. "Thanks." I sweated nervously. "I'm free Saturday night."

"What coincidence, I just booked ourselves at a fancy restaurant on Saturday night." she playfully told me, she had a sultry look on her face.

"Oh that's good."

"Yup, now here's my address." Roseluck gave me a slip of paper. "Pick me up at 6:00 PM sharp!"

"Uh...got it." I nervously smiled. Am I really going on this date? I still couldn't believe that fact, but I might as well go along with it.





I successfully took the flower arrangement back to the house and I placed it in the center of the table. I immediately got straight to cooking. 


Post business deal Griffin-Pony dinner:

Appetizer: Meze of Feta Cheese and Olives
Main Course: Kalamari, Atherina, Hay Hamburg Steak & Mashed Potatoes. 
Dessert: Baklava 
for Drink: Chamomile tea & Griffin Wine


I gave a sigh of relief once the entire cooking was done. Just in time as well, I heard Mr. Rich and some griffins enter the house.

I get myself presentable and grab the trolley with the appetizers and drinks on it. I walk in to see Mr. Rich and about five other guests, including Kronos and Leto. "Good evening, I have here your appetizer and some wine imported from the Griffin Empire to serve you, along with chamomile tea for the lady." I state as I first fill each wine glass in front of the guests with wine. I proud some nice hot tea for Leto since it is considered 'low class' for a female to drink alcohol. 

"Thank you very much Alistair." complimented Mr. Rich. 

"Yes, thanks." blushed Leto who tried her best not to make eye contact. 

"You're welcome, the main course will be out once everyone finishes with the meze." I take the trolley and bow out to the kitchen. 





Several minutes later, I come back out with the trolley filled with food. I place them all in the center of the table. "Kalamari, Atherina, Hay Steaks and Mashed Potatoes, enjoy." I say, but most of them pretended to ignore me and focus on their current conversation.

"How did you know that they were just pretending to walk out of the negotiations Mr. Rich?" asked Kronos. 

"Trust me, I learned that most business operate like horny teenage girls when it comes to making a business deal, they will complain, yell and play hard to get, in order to get what they want...anyone who has been through high school should know that." laughed Mr. Rich.

"I heard you Mr. Rich." chimed in one of Kronos' associates. But the entire conversation really made Leto uncomfortable to say the least. I kind of felt sorry for her but I had a duty to do. After I served all their meals, I returned back to the kitchen.





Presentation is important when it comes to food, I always say. I just nicely plated the baklava when I heard someone enter the kitchen. "Alistair?" said a voice.

"Kind of busy at the moment." too focused on my work.

"Even busy to talk to a female with needs?" said the voice again. I quickly stopped what I was doing and looked up to see Leto in front of me.

"Can I help you ma'am?"

"I want release."

"What?"

I was quickly grabbed by the neck and I was slammed against the wall. "Oof!" I exclaim. For a female, she sure had a tight grip. 

"Do you know how it's like to have a husband that focuses on his business and cash instead of you? A husband that refuses to fuck you because it is 'unprofessional'?" she tightened her grip around my neck with her talons. I felt them pierce my neck.

"W-what do you...want me to do...about that...?" I struggled to breathe. 

She looked down between my hind legs and looked back at me with a smirk. "Oh...I think your body already knows from the looks of it."

I was seriously about to regret what I would end up doing next.





The following scene is what I thought transpired that eventually lead up to the most embarrassing moment of my life. 

"Mr. Rich, what's taking so long for the dessert?" asked a griffin associate. 

"I'm sure Alistair is taking care of something important."

"Dessert nothing, what's taking Leto so long to get a simple bottle of wine!" Kronos was impatient as he pounded the table. "I swear if I am not around she gets herself into trouble." he suddenly got up from the table. "If you'll excuse me, I have a wife to retrieve."

"Let me go with you so I can check up on the dessert." said Mr. Rich as he got up to follow Kronos.

They both reached the kitchen door and opened it, only to be met by the most disturbing sight. Mr. Kronos' wife on top of me, riding me like there's no tomorrow. 

"LETO!"

"ALISTAIR!"

Both Mr. Rich and Mr. Kronos stood dumbstruck as did me and Leto. I saw Mr. Kronos' rage build within him. I was not going to like what was coming that's for me.

Hope that I'll survive the next chapter.
> THE BUTLER №8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So Alistair, what do you have to say to yourself?"

All I gave was a painful groan as I held an ice pack to my face.

This part is a bit hazy for me because I was kind of recovering from the concussion and blood loss from the beating in the talons of Mr. Kronos. That was an impressive right-hook. 

"She's a fan of asphyxiation?" I blurted out, my mental filter was temporarily out of service. 

Mr. Rich just gave an annoyed groan. "You are damn lucky that the business deal was officially made and that it was too late to back out of it!" he sternly told me. He gave an annoyed sigh. "I need a freaking drink!" he walked out of the room. 

As soon as he left, I moved the ice pack from my face and down to my crotch. I gave a painful moan. "At least I still have my job." I said to myself, but for how much longer?





I awoke the next morning still sore and beaten. I limped downstairs to make the family some breakfast, I could still see the claw marks from my session with Mr. Kronos' wife. 

"What in the name of Tartarus happened to you butler?" asked Miss Tiara as she walked into the kitchen, I could tell she wanted to laugh at my injured state. 

"That's none of your concern Miss Tiara." I did not have the prerequisite patience to deal with the brat today. "Now go and get ready for school."

"Daddy wants YOU to escort me to school as punishment for what ever happened last night." she explained to me with a smug look. "So you get to spend more time with me." she knew that I hated her, and she was milking my misery for what it is worth.

Sometimes I just wanted to grab this filly and plow her to submission to show her who's boss, but the thought of going to jail made me think twice. 

"Anything else I need to know about your father's orders?" I just dryly ask. 

"He wants you to plan a party to celebrate my birthday." she explained. 

"What?!"

"Normally we would hire this pink hyperactive freak to plan my parties, but my dad decided to have you do it instead to see how well you got to know me since you got hired." she tried to hold back her laughter. "Good luck." she turned and walked away to get ready for school. My blood boiled with rage, I looked around the kitchen and saw a knife, it tempted me.

Use me Alistair, use me to skewer her, use me to silence that bitch

"Silence that bitch..." I mumbled under my breath as I walked towards it, hypnotized. "Silence her..."

I was just about to grab the knife. "BUTLER! TAKE ME TO SCHOOL!" yelled Miss Tiara as she interrupted my thoughts. I quickly focused myself and got that bad thought out of my mind. 

"I'm on my way Miss Tiara." I sighed. Thank goodness I caught myself before I did something I would regret.





It was a quiet walk all the way to the school house, thank goodness. 

As we got there, I saw her...Miss Silver Spoon. 

Miss Tiara quickly ran up to her friend and did that stupid looking rump bumping thing they would do to show off their cutie marks. I swear their egos are bigger than their names. Miss Spoon quickly gave me a flirty wink while Miss Tiara gave me a 'don't you even think about it perv' look. 

I just sighed with relief that at least the brat will be out of my mane for the next eight hours, I quickly turned around and went into town for some grocery shopping. 





"That'll be 8 bits for a pound of tomatoes ma'am." stated the tomato seller.

"Oh? Really? Isn't that a bit pricey?" nervously inquired the costumer. "Why not at 4?" she offered in her horrible attempt at haggling. 

"8 bits per pound take it or leave it miss." he threatened. 

"Oh...okay..." she reluctantly gave the bits to the tomato seller. 

I saw how the seller was taking advantage of the yellow pegasus mare, it disgusted me to see business ponies take advantage of their customers. I walked in before the transaction could be finished. "Excuse me sir?"

"Yes?" he turned to me.

"Last time I checked, tomatoes are at 3 bits per pound, why did you price it at 8?"

"Because that's how much I am selling them for, a sales pony has to eat." he said, appearing to be offended that I had the common decency to ask him. 

"But the sign on your stand says 3 bits per pound and 10 bits for an entire crate of the stuff." I pointed out. 



Naturally grown Equestrian Tomatoes
3฿/lb
10฿/crate



"Oh...I forgot to change that to account for inflation." he waved it off like it was nothing.

"The inflation rate of the Equestrian Bit hasn't been above the 1% mark in decades." I pointed out as well. 

"Oh? You think you know how economics work?" he started to get annoyed with me.

"No, but I do know when a supposedly honest business pony is screwing over their customers." I said in a serious tone. "And if she won't defend herself, I will."

"What's your offer then?" he raised an eyebrow.

"5 bits for a crate full of tomatoes, and I'll forget this whole conversation ever happened and a promise you won't screw over your customers like that." I offered. 

"And if I refuse?"

"I happen to work for a Mr. Rich, have you heard of him?"

His eyes went completely wide. "Uh...how about I give you TWO crates, one for each, for only 3 bits, my treat." he nervously gave me and the yellow pegasus a crate full of tomatoes and only took 3 of the 8 bits from the counter."

I just gave a smirk. "Pleasure doing business with you." I took my crate and walked away. Shame I never got the name of that canary yellow pegasus, oh well, I had too much stuff to do.





As I made my way back to the mansion, I decided to quickly stop by at the flower shop since it was on the way, I quietly went inside. "Hello?"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the flirty butler, what brings you here?" Roseluck smirked as she walked up to greet me.

I kind of blushed. "Just wanted to see if we are still on for our date coming up." 

"Why of course I am silly." she giggled. "I am always ready for a date." she winked. 

"That is great to know, uh, I'll be picking you up at eight sharp, I already have the reservations set up." I said. 

"Hmmm...how about we make it seven?" she offered.

"Oh? Why seven?" I asked with curiosity. 

"So that way we can finish earlier so we have more time to spend some 'quality' time together." she said in a flirty tone. 

"Oh..." I blushed even more as I started to put the pieces together.

"See, you're not the only one that can flirt around here." she giggled. "Anyways, I have to go a close down, I'll see you around Saturday at 7pm sharp." she turned around and walked away, she sashayed her hips as she did, she even, how do I say this, swished her tail slightly to give me teasing looks at her...well...parts.

I guess I wasn't the only flirt around here.





I returned home after a long day with bags of groceries on my back. I quickly left all the bags in the kitchen and immediately plopped myself down on the living room couch. It felt nice and comfortable.

"BUTLER!" a screechy voice yelled. It got my startled and I fell off the couch. 

"Ugh..." I groaned.

"Get off your lazy rump and help me send out the invitations to the party." she towered over me from my place on the floor. 

"Yes ma'am..." I agreed out of habit. I slowly got off the group and Miss Tiara directed me to the dinning room table where a pile of blank invitation cards and empty envelopes waited for me. This was going to be a long night.

"There better be done by morning butler, now get to it." she ordered me like I was kind of a slave. How dare that little brat order me around like that, I just wanted to grab her by the neck right then and there and watch as the life slowly drains away from her until her body becomes a cold and empty shell and- 

Oh my, that got quickly got dark...anyways, you get the idea on how much I hated her.







"You are cordially invited to Diamond 'Dazzle' Tiara's Summer Tea Party bash over at the Rich Mansion next week Saturday starting at noon sharp. Please bring along your most fancy suits, dresses and swimsuits. We will be having all kinds of teas along with pastries catered in coordination with the house staff and Sugercube Corner.

Gifts for Miss Tiara highly encouraged.
No colts allowed unless escorted by a filly guest.
Please keep this invite to gain access. 

Thank you from the greatest filly in class; Diamond Tiara."



Ugh...someone kill me now, not only do I have a party to set up, but I also have to take care of the food with an outside company? 

Also, I would not be surprised that Miss Tiara is holding this party for the sole purpose of feeding her already inflated ego. This entire thing is getting out of hoof. 

After I finally placed the last invitation in the envelope I collapsed on the table in exhaustion, it was just past midnight. "Someone put me out of my misery-" I was suddenly struck by inspiration, my mind has just came up with the most perfect plan to put me out of my misery. 

Now, I am defiantly not talking about suicide, for I am unable to kill myself, I can't bring myself to do so. But I can get rid of the thing that is causing my misery...yes...it is time for Miss Diamond Tiara, the worst filly I have ever encountered, to die. 

Yes, I said it, Diamond Tiara must die. 
> The Wizard of Sweet Apple Acres
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Sweet Apple Acres, a tired Granny Smith, an annoyed Applejack and an excited Apple Bloom, were lead into the living room by Big McIntosh who eagerly stood next to a table that was covered by a cloth. 

"Welcome ladies." greeted Mac with a hopefully smile. 

"This is so cool, my big brother is an inventor!" excitedly exclaimed the young filly Apple Bloom, proud of her older brother.

"Ah still think it's a waste of time." groaned a bemused Applejack. "Can we please make this quick, ah'm missin' out on some very important chores." she requested with impatience. 

Big Mac happily began his speech. "Well ladies, ah, Big McIntosh, have spent the last week inventin' the four greatest inventions of all time!" he stated with pride. "With these inventions, we can finally afford to pay off the money we owe to the government in back taxes!" he proudly announced. 

"All because Granny accidentally resent last years tax return instead of this years." mumbled Applejack. "Thank goodness Twilight intervened or else we could've been put in jail for tax fraud."

Granny just gave Applejack a dirty look for constantly bringing up the incident, but did not say a word. 

"Anyways," Mac resumed. "Here they are!" he pulled the cloth away with his mouth to reveal the four things he invented; the items appeared to be a hammer, a rifle, a fire alarm and a recliner with a hole in the seat. "Ta da!"

Applejack looked on with a raised eyebrow. "They look so cool!" said Apple Bloom with awe, believing his brother to be genius for inventing things. 

"What are those?" asked a skeptical Applejack. 

"My inventions my silly sis." the stallion smiled. He then grabbed the first invention off the table. "Okay, the first item we have is an automatic hammer." he explained. "It's a hammer that does all the pounding for ya!" he went over to a loose nail on the wall and pressed a button on the hammer. "Now with just a few pounds, this nail will be back in the wall where it should-" suddenly, the hammer began to go to fast as it not only pounded down the nail, but also the wall. "Uh oh!"

The hammer began to move wildly as it broke free from Mac's grasp and began to run amok across the floor. "Ah got it!" Mac exclaimed as he chased after the out of control hammer, that was chasing a yelping Winona. 

The two sisters and grandmother looked on with concern as they saw the chaos go on before them. After about a minute, the hammer began to slow down and finally stop, much to the stallion's relief. "Thank goodness ah used cheap batteries." he said with relief while he placed the hammer back on the table. "So what do ya think?" he asked to his family.

Apart from Apple Bloom, no one looked impressed. "That was awesome!" exclaimed the filly with excitement. "I'll pay 10 bits for that one!" she announced. No one else paid attention to her.

"Uh..okay, next invention." he quickly grabbed what appeared to be a fire alarm. "Ah call this invention the 'Everything is okay alarm'." he explained. He pressed a button and an ear splitting sound began to emit from the alarm. Everyone except Mac covered their ears from the pain. "THIS ALARM WILL SOUND EVERY THREE SECONDS UNLESS SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS!" Mac yelled over the noise. 

"TURN IT OFF MAC!" implored Applejack who felt like her ears were starting to bleed.

"WHAT?!" yelled Mac back.

"TURN THE BUCKIN' THIN' OFF!"

"WHAT?!" yelled Mac again, barely able to hear his sister. Suddenly, the alarm began to wind down and the noise stopped. Mac looked at the alarm with surprise. "Uh...it breaks easily though, so ah'm gonna have to fix that." he nervously explained before he unceremoniously threw the alarm away over his shoulder. 

"Gosh darn it Mac, are ya tryin' to make more deaf than ah already am?!" complained Granny. 

"Sorry Granny." apologized the stallion. 

Mac then went over to the table and picked up the rifle. "Okay ladies, say that ya are in an important business meetin' or formal event but ya forgot to put on yer make-up and there is no time for ya to go to the bathroom and put it on." he explained the situation. 

"That's always been my concern in my younger days before ah got married." mused Granny Smith.

"Ah never wear fancy make-up." commented Applejack.

Big Mac ignored that last statement. "Well, here's the solution." he showed off the rifle. "Ah call it the make-up rifle, just set it to the right setting," he turned a nob on the rifle. "aim it at yer face," he then aimed the weapon at Granny Smith's face. "and in 0.000656 seconds ya'll have instant make-up." he said before the pulled the trigger and fired it. A dust of make-up sprayed all over the elderly mare's face. Once the dust cleared Big Mac grabbed a mirror and showed it to his grandmother.

Granny looked at her reflection and gave a gasp. "Gosh darn it Mac!" she yelled with annoyance. "Ya set it on whore!" 

"Oh, sorry Granny." he nervously turned the nob on the rifle to a different setting. "Okay, now this should work." he aimed the rifle at Granny's face once again and fired, only for Applejack to immediately swipe at the rifle, which caused Mac to miss and the make-up to splatter all over the nearby wall. "DARN IT AJ!" yelled the stallion with extreme annoyance. "NOW AH HAVE TO GRAB THE MAKE-UP REMOVING PISTOL!"

"MAC!" yelled his sister back. "Mare's don't like to be shot in the face!"

"That's what ya think ya prude." mumbled Granny, who actually did enjoy being shot in the face by a stallion. 

"MARE'S WILL LIKE WHAT AH TELL THEM TO LIKE!" yelled Mac back with utter contempt for his sister. He quickly placed the rifle back down on the table and went over to the recliner with a whole in the seat. "Okay, how many of ya have been sittin' on yer chairs, readin', relaxin' and talkin', where ya get mighty comfortable when suddenly, ya'll have the urge to go use the outhouse outside?" he asked rhetorically to his sisters and grandmother. "Which means ya have to get up from your mighty comfortable position just to go do yer business and then go back in and find yer lost comfortable position again." he continued. "So that why ah invented." he went over to the chair. "The toilet recliner!" he announced proudly.

Apple Bloom was in complete awe. "Oh my goodness!" she quickly got up. "Out of my way girls, ah have to poop!" she proudly announced as she dove for the recliner, but Applejack quickly grabbed her and forced her back on the couch. "HEY!"

"No way ah'm letting ya use that!" she scolded before she turned her attention back to her brother. "Mac about these inventions."

"Eeyup?" he asked, proud of himself, he was at least expecting approval from his sister, so he eagerly waited for her to say the word.

"Well...these inventions..." she sighed, she did not know how to break the news to him. 

"Eeyup..."

"Well, these inventions suck horseapples!" she interject bluntly. "Ah'm sorry Mac, ah love ya, but no pony in their right minds will never EVER, buy these dumb inventions, because yer a horrible inventor Mac and ah'm sad that yer wastin' yer time doing this silly thing!" she scolded at her brother with annoyance. 

Mac felt like he was stabbed in the chest, his dreams of being something other than a farmer were completely shattered into a million pieces. "Ah'm sorry ah wasted all yer time..." he sadly said to his sisters and grandmother, before he walked away upstairs to his room with complete shame. 

Applejack hated to be the fun sucker of the family, but it needed to be done. "Do ya think ah was being too harsh on my brother Granny?" she asked with concern. 

"Ah did what ya thought was right, and that's all that matters." she assured her oldest granddaughter. But she was also worried for Big Mac as well. 

"Uh ladies?" interjected Apple Bloom. Both Applejack and Granny turned to see the filly squatting over the hole on the recliner while reading a newspaper. "Do ya mind?" the filly asked with annoyance from the lack of privacy. 

Both the filly's sister and grandmother just looked at each other with concern.