> The Conversion Bureau: The Last Chapters
>  by Parcly Taxel
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Two Days Forward...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“We need you to transport us to Equestria,” Barry asked. “There is something very important we have to attend to!”
“I don't think you don't know that's in Newark, on the other side of the country!” Jimmy sarcastically replied. “What are you, insane? Look at yourselves! You look way too silly to travel in anything!”
“Ignore our looks, just get us there!” Ethan pleaded, his purple wings spreading out for a half-second. “We've got an attack to stop, and it may be critical for your survival!”
“It's true, we're going to miss the party!” Pinkie paradoxically joked, before fake-sobbing.
“No, I won't... fine, I'll transport you there,” the only human in the vicinity conceded. “But before that, by what means?”
“Take your car and drive us to the nearest Conversion Bureau,” the orange unicorn suggested. “You know where they are, right? Then we can let the helpers there drive us to the kingdom!”
“They probably will reject our request,” his close friend pointed out. “They only carry new ponies over – definitely not us.”
“Oh! What about the airport?” Ponyville's characteristically pink pony giggled.
“It would be an absolute failure!” Ethan sighed, distraught at what silly ideas came out of the baker's brain. “I can't imagine ponies clearing customs or immigration. Besides, all American airports have shut down!”
“Which leaves us I-80.” Barry stamped his left hoof on the ground.
“You're right. Let's go inside and pack some items.” Jimmy made an about-turn and called for the ponies to follow.

As Ethan trotted across the door frame, he knew this was the perfect opportunity to refresh his memory of the world he was born in, the world he grew up in, the human world. It was a respite from an absolute monarchy populated by candy-coloured equines, one which was beautiful. But that was also controversial – the Human Liberation Front was there, waiting for the appointed time to strike. “No, it shouldn't have happened,” he uttered softly. “But it did.”

Ethan and Barry were lying on the sofa in the living room, their minds blank on activities to carry out in this interim period. Pinkie constantly circled them, as if she recently took a dose of coffee, and Spike was between the two lounging ponies. Seeing it as the right time to start another conversation, the blue dragon hopped up the sofa. “I understand you are apprehensive of ponies to an extent,” he said in a formal tone, “and from there I infer you know quite a bit about them. Do you still have any lingering questions in your heart?”
“Yes.” Jimmy momentarily jerked his head. “Regarding ponification, is prediction of pony types possible without injecting that ponymycin?”
“I'm not so sure,” Spike replied in confusion.
“The answer is yes,” Ethan clarified. “It depends on personality – people who are hard-working and practical get turned into earth ponies, pegasi are of the emotional kind, and unicorns use their brains frequently. Based on this-”
“Jimmy is going to be an earth pony!” The lounging ponies were temporarily startled.
“Stop saying irrelevant things, you're annoying Ethan and Barry and disrupting their quiet time!” Twilight's assistant motioned to the owner of the party cannon.
“It is human nature to be emotional,” Barry explained in a mildly scientific tone. “Thus, pegasi are the most common type seen in new ponies, then earth ponies, then unicorns. With natives, the numbers are roughly equal.”
“According to recently conducted surveys, that is correct,” Spike remarked. “Jimmy, any more questions from you?”
“Are there relations between skin colour and coat colour? I'm asking this because hair colour and mane colour are related.”
“No.” The tiny dragon hopped back down. “Ponymycin does not preserve skin colours. Ethan right over here had beige skin, but now has a purple coat. Ditto for rather light brown and orange, in Barry's case.”
“Thanks for enlightening me. Anyway, I'm done packing. Shall we go off?”
“Well of course, human who hasn't been ponified yet.” Flames shot out of Spike's mouth for a split second, narrowly missing the plasma screen.
“Are you already smiling? The party's beginning,” a voice reminiscent of Andrea Libman said.
“Stop thinking this is a party, Pinkie!” a blonde-maned pony exclaimed. “This is serious business here, not entertainment!”



“Certainly the houses and buildings will be wiped out,” Ethan thought about the human race, as he looked at his neighbourhood. “Same thing for the vehicles. What will be preserved? Something immaterial, something transcendent, but which thing? The culture? The languages? The food? I don't really know. Ponies and humans are different in almost every way imaginable, and the former party is winning.”

The trio of ponies and Spike were in the back seats of Jimmy's Chevrolet, their emotions drifting towards indifference, save one who never ceased making jokes. The simple car, in its varying brands and colours, could formerly be seen parked in the settlements, coasting on the roads, and stuck in the woodlands simultaneously – but had declined into a rarity, the majority having been either sent to the scrapyard or just deserted by their owners, due to the ponymycin.
“Hey, Jimmy,” Ethan inquired. “Why didn't you get ponified?”
“Well, I initially wanted to,” the “chauffeur” replied, “but... I just wanted to continue shredding my guitar and stuff. So, yeah.”
“This mildly concerns me,” the pegasus remarked. “I thought you were a member of the Human Liberation Front, until you told me that.”
“No bad intentions on my part,” the AC/DC fan declared, raising his hands up. “Anyway ponies,” changing his focus, “are you buckled up and ready?”
Three hooves (one purple, a second orange and the last one pink) were held up in agreement. “I presume yes. This is going to take two days, but I'm sure you can make it.”

As soon as the wheels turned, Ethan felt drowsy, his eyes drooping and his normally rational thinking starting to corrode:

He woke up in some room, illuminated only by a mellow light from a window. “What, where am I?” Ethan wondered to himself, feeling the air being moved by his wings, which were fluttering in confusion. Suddenly, he noticed ponies streaming through the door, their looks imitating his classmates in senior year. One was a fuchsia-coloured unicorn, distinctively female, and looking very much like that girl who consistently “owned” her maths, Christina. Another was brown and rather strong-looking; this reminded the purple pegasus of the Boy Scout, Quinsy. He only got around to realising it was the dance room when all of them shouted in synchrony. “Get up!” And then when he could not comply, they prepared to trample on him.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!”

“Ow... what was that?” Ethan turned left and saw Pinkie, her eyelids starting to open, her muscles twitching. Barry was laterally opposite, doing the same thing, his horn pointed precariously towards his friend's body. They were in a petrol station in Cheyenne, the light of dawn filling the sky.
“Jimmy, has it only been twelve hours?” he asked.
“Yes,” the driver reminded. “I told you we would take two days, and we left at dusk.” Then he fell back into his short nap.
“Oh, OK, give me some food. I'm really hungry.” The purple pegasus had his wings closed, but as soon as he got the hay in his hooves, the urge overpowered him.
“Hey! Don't poke me!” Barry retorted in disgust.
“That's really tickling my nerves!” Pinkie cheered, her face showing a signature smile.
“Uh... Stop all this!” Ethan replied to both, as the car went back on the road towards the I-80.

At sunset, the group arrived in Gary, where rain slightly hampered their efforts to locate a pony-friendly restaurant. This turned out to be a Subway, and soon everyone was chomping on those submarine sandwiches.
“Where's the next stop?” the orange unicorn inquired.
“Cleveland at daybreak,” Jimmy said in a sombre tone.
“And then we get to Newark tomorrow evening?” A green glow surrounded the cup of lemon tea.
“Affirmative.” Two palms slapped the table in content.
“Hooray! Let's celebrate!” The Ponyville baker started jumping around the tables ecstatically, toppling Jimmy's bag of cookies in the process.
“What did you just do?” Ethan gave a stern expression to the pink earth pony. “The crowd has just locked you in their sights!”
“Oh, sorry!” Pinkie returned to her seat, but still with a grin.

Ethan thought about the Human Liberation Front and the worthiness of ponification as he went to sleep that night:

The Front has plausible arguments as to why they want the humans to stay. They claim that they are much more technologically advanced than the ponies, and that they can deal with much more complicated threats. Are they actually correct? ...No. They are not correct because they forgot about magic. Humans can't handle pony magic, right? That's why the ponification camps were set up. Besides, since ponies are themselves facing an overpopulation problem, and they're moving to Newark, it pays to get ponified.

When we were with Princess Celestia in Twilight's tree library discussing about the attack, I heard from Twilight after the talk that the leader of the Front is John de Lancie. Never mind Star Trek, could it be that his beliefs and ideas on the sentience of other beings, ponies included, made him think that ponification was a really bad idea? Are animal rights groups like PETA opposed to it as well? Religious groups? No... I can't really make head or tail of this. Whatever the case, one thing is certain: he will be there, co-ordinating the attack on our beloved country with his fervent supporters. He must be stopped, and we will take action.

Newark, like the other major cities then, had many skyscrapers, but few people present. The sky was cold and purple, an off-white circle standing out among a blanket of stars. Ponies, trotting and flying across the streets, had taken over as the most common sight, but cars were still there. Equestria was off the coast, sparkling slightly from its magic barrier. No signs of significant activity could be seen or heard from outside, as the general population was sleeping.

“Are we there yet?” Ethan murmured in his half-awake state.
“Yes, and I think you can make your way to Equestria from here,” Jimmy replied. “I'm reconsidering ponification as well, so thank you for talking with me.”
“No problem,” the purple pegasus commented. He woke up the other two ponies, and all three disembarked onto the pavement, along with Spike.
“I'm so excited!” Pinkie shouted. “We've made it to the-”
“There are extremely important things on my agenda and we need to discuss them now.” A magenta glow dissipated, revealing a lavender unicorn.
“-party?” The pink earth pony had been intimidated so roughly, her mane began to deflate.
> ...One Plan Back
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, what took you so long to get here, ponies?” Twilight inquired, always being the serious one in times of criticality.
“We were teleported by some temple pony to San Francisco. It took us seven hours to get back here!”
“I know that temple pony. Your reason is accepted. Now, let's concentrate and formulate a plan to stop the Human Liberation Front from destroying Equestria.”

There was a door in front of them, that led into the lodge. It was brown and looked like any other door across the street, and inside was a room illuminated with a mellow yellow glow. Occupying the central table were Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity.
“How long has Twilight been outside? Is she coming back in ten seconds?” Rainbow asked.
“Not sure, sugarcube!” Applejack replied.
Then Rarity began “I'm more into fashion, but I'll wait for-”
BANG!
“Oh... what was that?” Fluttershy squealed in awe.
“It's them!” All four could see Twilight, Pinkie, Ethan, Barry and Spike surrounded by the door frame.
“We'll get things straight,” the lavender unicorn commanded.

All eight ponies lounged around a table, with Spike on Twilight's back, ready to record the plan on paper as it was created through conversation. “Now, ponies, we know what this is all about. In a very short time, those radicals are going to attack Equestria with all their weapons. We have the spells on hand to strenghten the magic barrier – we now have to implement them.”
Ethan, building on his reasoning in the car, added his words. “The operation cannot be purely physical – we're going to use psychology to our advantage, and use it first.”
“I see what you mean. You love and tolerate the humans, and want to welcome them to our community rather than leave them out. So, how are we going to accomplish this?”
“First, we have a very powerful tool at our disposal – the public radio system. Twilight, have you seen any radio station nearby?”
“Applejack! Rainbow! Pinkie! Have you seen any building with a large pointy thing sticking out from the top?”
“Well, course I did.” Applejack replied, in her ever-present Southern dialect.
“Good. Barry, are you listening?”
“Yes.”
“I believe you have studied enough under me to teleport across walls.” She took out a map of Newark, and laid it down on the table. Thinking like a supercomputer, she formulated the rest of the plan in two seconds, then continued. “What I want you to do is to teleport into the building right over here,” pointing to a shape that had the words “NPR Office” across it.
“But I may get arrested for breaking in!”
“I'm sure you will use magic to your advantage. Besides, the employees of the building, security guards included, have almost entirely vacated to the Conversion Bureaus. I expect your trip up to be hassle-free.”
“OK. Once I get in, what do I do?”
“Get to the radio room, which is on the very top floor. Then broadcast a message, directed to the HLF members, pretending to be de Lancie regretting over his actions.”
“No, I can't lie!”
Ethan explained Twilight's plan to Barry. “Since every person in the HLF trusts de Lancie, as well as announcements made over the radio system, it should cause most, if not all, of the members to flock to the Conversion Bureau.”
“Oh.”
Fluttershy expressed her views on the plan as it had been read out. “I do not have complete faith in this plan. There are some people, like de Lancie, who will not surrender at all, even when blasted with a full-on radio message. Are you sure you've considered that?”
Twilight continued with the rest of the plan. “Of course I did. I'm sure that there will be a delay between the airing and the attack, which includes things like organising the pack and preparing weapons. During that time, we will strengthen the magic barrier. The Equestrian military, still shiny after years of idling in Canterlot, will be on tap to deal with any leftovers.”
Ethan suddenly remembered the topic that had gone adrift. “Oh, but what about that pony we fought in The Ruins of the Ancient Pony Sisters?”
“You remembered? Thanks. Well, they're the guardians of the temple, still there after centuries. They maintain a secret hideout somewhere under the area of the temple we searched for the spells, where they live and flourish.”
“Then why did it send me, Barry and Pinkie back to my backyard on the other side of the United States?”
“The obvious answer is that the temple is a place to be treaded on softly. When you were trying to obtain the spells, Pinkie made so much noise – I could hear it from the west wing – that the guardians deemed it unbearable. Hehe, I have something else.”
Twilight looked at Pinkie's eyes and smirked. “What have you done? You have wasted a significant amount of time that we could have used to prepare for the operation! Just by shouting!”
Pinkie seemed not to care. “Well at least the party isn't-”
“This is NOT a party. The fate of Equestria could depend on this!”
“Fine. I for one welcome our new lavender overlord.”

Noting it was 3am, Spike motioned to the ponies. “OK, I've recorded everything you've talked about regarding the plan.” Passing the note to Twilight, he continued “Please familiarise yourself with all the details, and pass this clockwise when you're done.” The ponies read the note in the following order: Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, Barry, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, Ethan. Having been the last to absorb the details, Ethan handed it back to Spike, and questioned “But when is the operation going to start? It's not mentioned at all inside!”
Rainbow replied, “As soon as possible!”
Twilight, interpreting this as sufficiently vague to merit a clarification, snapped back. “Don't be too general, Rainbow!” She looked at Ethan. “We expect the bonanza to start in nine hours – high noon.”
“Understood. I do note that we are still not sleeping, despite it being so much in the middle of the morning. Can we sleep?”
“Oh, sure.” A loud yawn could be heard from Rarity.

As the ponies and Spike and went to sleep, Ethan thought about the physical differences between humans and ponies, and how the ponified humans were adjusting to their new form.

The most obvious difference is that ponies have four legs, and that they have hooves with no appendages. Of course, that is not a problem – all of the new ponies I've observed can use their hooves as plates of some sort. Or their teeth. Or in the case of unicorns, their magic – they get the hang of it really fast. It's a shame that most human implements were designed with fingers in mind, but such is life.

Then you have the three types. Humans can be male or female, but it's the exact same thing for ponies. Regarding the body colour, humans can look blue all over ONLY because the blue was painted. Rainbow Dash has a natural blue coat. I've seen many other colours not seen in humans – Fluttershy is yellow, Twilight is lavender, Pinkie is the colour of her name. Is this a property of ponies to have their coats in all colours? ...Well, yes. Oh wait, what am I thinking? The types! I learned in biology class about hereditary traits – widow's peak, tongue-rolling, earlobes – but the types of ponies seem to have far more widespread social implications than most other traits. For example, there's Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Then there's Cloudsdale, which Twilight taught me about when I first awoke in Twilight's library. This would be considered segregation in the eyes of humans, but in ponies? No. We ponies don't care about the abilities of other types. We are happy with our own type, we strive to make the most of our abilities. Surely Equestria is a better place than the United States in terms of integration – possibly better than the entire human world as well.

The manes of the ponified humans seem to be consistent with human hairstyles, in contrast to their coats. I remember Lauren Faust, now working as an artist and author in Canterlot, reported in the news after she got ponified and turned up as an alicorn – a really rare sight indeed. Red mane, white coat, long horn, majestic wings. Yes, she did have red hair when she was a human. I had blonde hair before that ponymycin injection, Barry had it brown. This is really weird – a chemical preserving one trait and changing a closely related trait. I don't have time to think about this now, however.

Eating is a necessity, no doubt, but the closest thing I've come to a bathroom in Ponyville is the local spa. Inexistence! What could this mean? Something comes in, but nothing comes out. What is this, magic? It could be. Magic that is used to give us our characteristic traits – tending the animals, walking on clouds, doing telekinesis shenanigans and the like.

And then there are the cutie marks – symbols inscribed on most native ponies' flanks, but not on much of the ponified humans, as of now. They never appear on humans, and they appear to be connected with the talents of the ponies they appear on. Looking at the lack of a cutie mark on my flank, Twilight consoled me when I was at the meeting with Princess Celestia, telling me I still have a lot of potential, a lot to discover about myself. Not bad.
> Radio Zero
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pinkie was the first to wake up in the morning. “Rise and shine, the party's about to go!” she said.
The rest of the ponies were still drowsy, but heard her call. Pinkie continued. “Don't you want to miss out on the fun? I'm so excited!”
“Uh... Please, we know you're there, and this isn't a party!” Twilight snapped, her violet eyes starting to open.
Ethan added to the conversation. “Yes, I'm waking up. Please be patient.” To him, that pink pony was both a joy to see and an annoyance. She could be helpful, but only in times of despair. The rest? Comparable to trolling.

Once everypony was awake and fresh, they ate their breakfast, and then gathered around the table for a final briefing by Twilight. The purple-maned unicorn began dishing out the instructions. “The attack is likely to be underway right now. However, don't panic – the magic barrier is still rather strong, even after all this time, so Equestria will be mostly harmless. Do you get what I'm saying?”
The other ponies replied in unison. “Yes.”
“Barry, you'll be the one who makes the demoralising broadcast over NPR. Pretend to be de Lancie regretting over his actions. I've already taught you how to teleport across walls, so use it to infiltrate the building. You're critical to our success – make it fast and then come to the building we're at. Get it?”
“Yes.”
“Ethan, you'll be keeping watch over the operation, flying over the buildings, safe from the human rebels. Applejack and Rainbow Dash, you'll be stopping the rebels and keeping the station safe, in case they try to shoot it down.”
“Got it.”
“Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie will come with me to a building right next to the magic barrier. I'll work on casting the spells, while they will guard my back. Clear?”
“Yes.” But Pinkie started to jump up and down, cheering. “We're going to have a party at the end of the universe!”
“For the zillionth time, stop thinking this is a party!” Then she put her right hoof into Pinkie's mouth.
Barry, dismissing all the action between Pinkie and Twilight as delaying the point, sighed. “OK, I want to do this now.”
“I'm glad you asked. Let's get this thing on.”

When the eight ponies went out, they saw total chaos. Nothing they experienced or expected nine hours earlier, when it was night and everyone was sleeping, with no signs of preparing for what was now. Newark, once a peaceful city in the day just like Ponyville, was ravaged by the signs of war. The buildings, formerly shiny, tall and a symbol of human achievement, now either disintegrated, in flames, or just plain wrecked. Humans, in all shapes and sizes, were wielding various weapons across the streets that were strewn with shattered glass – a modern-day Kristallnacht, to put it another way. Some female, but for the most part male. Some running, some walking. But all were directed towards that transparent bubble. Towards the kingdom that was in fact their best chance at redemption and salvation.

Towards Equestria.

Ethan was gobsmacked. He never felt such devestation strike his heart like that. What he perceived as a normal human city, now suddenly taken over by all of them, as if it was a coup d'état. “This... what is this?” he uttered.
“We're splitting up now!” Twilight commanded.

Barry, Ethan, Rainbow and Applejack soon arrived at the NPR station. The windows had not yet been shattered and the doors were locked. “Twilight was right? OK, I'll have to do this,” Barry exclaimed. Then it happened – his horn went green, and glowed harder than he had ever done before. Concentrating, he suddenly disappeared in a flash of white, and reappeared instantly – inside the building. He said to himself, “OK, there's no time to lose. I'm going up.” Ethan, Rainbow and Applejack could not hear this, but knew what was to be done. This is about to become the moment of my life, the purple pegasus thought to himself as he flew up to circle the skies.

In the 10th floor of a building where the barrier between Newark and Equestria crossed, the other four ponies and Spike were waiting for Barry's speech.
Pinkie was impatient. “Come on! Where's the speech? When's the action coming?”
Twilight snapped back. “Don't think it's coming immediately. Barry has to get up, sort through the tangled mess of cables and rooms and then put on the headphones before any words can come out!”
Fluttershy was all the more timid than ever – she had acrophobia and fainted at the sight of weapons. Rarity was setting up the spells, in anticipation of the words about to ring across the city. “Checking them to see if they're ready... Loyalty Spell, Kindness Spell, Hon-”
The loudspeakers and radios suddenly burst into life. “This is NPR. My name is John de Lancie... leader of the Human Liberation Front. Sorry if I interrupted you, but... but... I REGRET IT! I REGRET... REGRET WHAT I'VE DONE TO... TO ALL OF YOU! Please stop this... stop all this fighting... it would be nice if... if you... if you became a pony...”
“I couldn't tell if that was de Lancie or Barry. Anyway, Honesty Spell, Generosity Spell...”
“Problem solved!” Pinkie random'd.
Twilight, seeing the sudden turn of all the rebels to the Conversion Bureaus, congratulated herself. “Thanks, you just saved Equestria. Now to cast those spells.”

Barry, having done the broadcast and teleported back out of the building, now was heading towards where Twilight and her friends were. Ethan, having seen no signs of impending danger, continued to circle above the NPR office. “Nothing that could ruin the plan so far... Hold on, what's that?” A black, moving spot came into view, and he swooped down to investigate.
“Even though I'm 20% cooler, he's giving us a hard time! Help us!” Rainbow Dash cried.
“Bad dog! Bad dog!” Applejack mocked helplessly.
Upon closer investigation, the black dot turned out to be a tuxedo. In that classy piece of clothing was de Lancie himself.
“You there! Go get yourself ponified!” Ethan ordered.
The sassy leader of the offending group responded with a smirk. “No. I couldn't have made that. You impersonated me over the radio, right? I don't think three little ponies can stop me!”
“Well of course we can! Your selfish ideas cannot win over our friendship!”
“Can you claim that the most advanced technology in the world – or fighting skills perfected over years – can fall to something as childish and absurd as magic? Instantly?”
“The answer is yes!”
“I reject your reality and substitute my own! Stay away and let me run this!”

Twilight, rather exhausted after casting a medley of complicated and powerful spells, heard the door open. “Hello? Is that... Barry?”
“Well of course! I did it, but Ethan, Rainbow and Applejack are having problems with de Lancie!”
“We'll go look at that. In the meantime, let Fluttershy check you for any injuries.”
Once again, Pinkie made a comment for no reason. “We're safe – foreeeever! Let's throw the bestest party for life, the universe, and everything!”
“That was a more appropriate time to say that than the 10-to-the-10-to-the-10-to-the-963 times before it. But no.”

Rainbow Dash and Applejack had backed out under de Lancie's intimidating voice, but Ethan had not. “If you think three ponies, half the size of yourself, can't win, how about one?”
“Then the victory is even more dramatic! Humans will win!”
“You leave me no choice.”
Ethan McCullough, who had come a very long way from being ponified, making friends with fellow ponies in Equestria and travelling more than 4600 kilometers across 11 states just to return, now made his move. Putting his hooves on the tuxedo, he spread his wings and pushed de Lancie, the man which all ponies in Equestria severely disliked (not hated), into the glass window of a Subway store. A sound of shattering glass rattled throughout the now-empty city, which then dissipated.

And then there were none.

John de Lancie, once proud and brash over his plans and actions, now reverted to his old self, the self before he became corrupted by the love of power. Dying, he stammered, “You... purple pegasus...”
Ethan replied, weak and on the edge of unconsciousness. “Yes?”
“That white princess... would banish me... to the moon... if I was a pony...”
“And?” 
“I now understand... friendship... is... magic.” With these words, de Lancie died.
“Thanks... yes...” Ethan's field of view slowly faded into blackness, and he went into syncope.

“Ethan? Where are you?” Twilight was desperate to find her closest friend since she met up with the quintet of Ponyville citizens.
“Right here!” Rainbow shouted, pointing to the Subway store.
“Ethan!” Celestia's most faithful student was deeply concerned. “Can you hear me?”
> Hitting The Hay
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ethan's yellow eyes began to fill up with light reflected off the glass façades. Shards of glass were scattered across the floor, as if they put him in the spotlight. Underneath his body was the leader of the Human Liberation Front, posed like a murder victim, silenced. Around the two lay the furnishings of a Subway store – cashier, tray disposal and all. Three ponies were standing by, their limbs shaking in anxiety. The first was a farmer, the second had a six-colour mane and the last was responsible for ensuring winter in Equestria ended properly.
“Have... have I done it?” he stuttered in apparent confusion, his mind having recovered from the shock of seeing his friends in a state of nervousness.
“Sweet Celestia!” The Ponyville librarian gasped. “You're awake!”
“That was an awesome annihilation you did, well done!” A cyan hoof softly tapped the blonde mane Ethan possessed.
“Yeah, that sure was hyper,” Applejack added, trying to use a neologism instead of her distinctive Southern jargon. “Oh wait, is that somethin' there?”
All eyes were immediately redirected to the flank which was formerly blank. It now showed a white arrow pointing north-east, with seven bits of glass at its end.
“Did I just get a cutie mark?” The purple pegasus slowly pushed himself up, being careful not to tread on the silica fragments.
“Well of course you did!” Celestia's student stepped forward with a small smile, patting Ethan's closed wings. “You're certainly one of us now.”
“But what does the symbol mean?”
“Hold on, let me see...” She flipped her purple mane, craning forward to investigate. “OK, you pushed de Lancie through the glass, and that showed up on your flank. Therefore, it must be your resolve.”
“That would work.” Ethan sighed as he looked out at the remnants of the passing conflict. “We should rest ourselves somewhere.”
“I know, I know!” Twilight bobbed her head sideways, as if affected by what had just been uttered. “We're going to rendezvous with the other four at the place where I did those barrier spells...”

Since Barry had effectively cancelled the attack with his fake radio message, Newark was relatively unharmed. Although broken glass lay on the streets and some cars had been put out of operation, there were no raging flames or innocent victims. A computer screen could be seen through one window, the date and time visible among a sea of blue pixels: April 24, 2021, 4:45pm.

“So, what'd happen to these buildings here?” Applejack inquired. “I'd say they're our future homes.”
“No. These things are definitely going down!” Rainbow darted up and slammed the earth hard. “Why? Because Equestria is so much more awesome! Look, ponies can't stand big, freaking pieces of metal and glass, so why leave them?”
“Because we don't want humans to disappear like that,” a studious pony explained. “We must leave something behind, but what?”
“I'm thinking about it.” Ethan hoofed the Cloudsdale weather controller in acknowledgement, before bowing down like a pansy.

It's all over. Humanity is on its final decline, on its one-way trip to assimilation. But what could Equestrian expansion preserve? Definitely not material things – there would be pony equivalents for them, and the originals would probably end up being forgotten or relegated to the obscure pool of trivia.

The books in Twilight's tree library would fill terabytes of disk space. Sure, most of it is exclusive to her species, but there are definitely segments about humans. The question here is, does it have everything? Probably not. She's so obsessed with magic that descriptions of arcane spells take up most of the collection, and many simple things like the square root of negative one are ignored entirely.

“Hello? Is that you?” Fluttershy, following her personality as usual, tried fruitlessly to hide behind the door.
“It's definitely us, don't worry.” A purple hoof reached out. “How's the rest of you?”
“Er, they're all calm and well,” the veterinarian softly reported, pointing at one corner of the room. “But I noticed something on Barry...”
What she was pointing to was an orange unicorn, smiling sheepishly because his flank showed the wireless fidelity symbol in light blue. “I noticed that cutie mark had appeared, and I was in pure joy.”
“I appreciate your thanks.” The pony with a brown mane looked at the window, then at Rainbow and Applejack, who were smug with approval.
“It is so blissful,” the yellow pegasus continued, “now that he has come of-”
“Could I design a lovely dress for our beautiful colts?” Canterlot's most eccentric fashion designer convoluted her neck, pretending to measure both of their proportions.
“Rarity, stop talking about your dresses in the wrong places!” The purple pegasus made a disgusted expression. “Also, I've got to tell something to Twilight over here.”
“I want to know what it is,” Pinkie said, “because then I can make a party out of it!”
“Sorry, I can't share it, and it definitely isn't a party idea.” Ethan went up to the librarian's left ear and whispered.

When the eight ponies returned to their homeland, the sun coincided with the mountains and outside activity had dropped by half. For Twilight, she didn't need to hit the hay. She didn't want to hit the hay, like many others did now. She had her viewpoints, inherited from her best friend who halted the Human Liberation Front by striking its very core. The well-organised unicorn she was, a report to her mentor was necessary.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Ethan today told me a rather serious error humans have made in converting themselves to our kind. They only see the benefits of living with ponies around them, and not the opposite – what drawbacks they face in their new home, their new body.

The quill dropped down left of the parchment, being no longer affected by the librarian's magic. “My idea box is empty, how should I continue?” Turning her head to Ethan's bed and hearing the snores emanating from his mouth, a light bulb came on.

The ponified humans need to bring all their knowledge of their past world together in one reference. True, such information exists in our books, but nopony notices them much. This is for all our descendants to read, absorb and use, so that Equestria may transcend its current limits.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

“Ow!” Ethan shouted as Ponyville's party-thrower poked his delicate wings. “Who was that... oh wait, what's this?”
“I got something for you!” The pink earth pony was dancing beside Ethan's bed, a disturbed pegasus lying on the white mattress.
“Let's see what I had on my nose...” In front of the yellow eyes, held wide-open in disbelief, was a golden ticket.
“Did I... did I just land myself a spot... at the Grand Galloping Gala?!”
> Keynote
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ethan's heart rate shot into space as he yanked the golden ticket off his nose, gasping and screaming like he had just conquered Mount Dragonshy. With Pinkie situated nearby, his purple wings flared out, brushing her face with a feather.
“Ooh, that tickles!” She sprung up and down, triggering vibrations throughout the tree library, as her tail twitched. “Hold on, isn't that a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala? Why, it's the most amazing super-duper terrifically popular tremendous fantabulous party in all of Equestria! My tongue is now a-”
“Keep your mouth shut,” Twilight ordered from below. “I'm talking important things with Barry down here.”
Struggling to control his emotions, Ethan pushed himself out the bed, seeing stars sprinkled over his field of view the next moment. “Wow... what have I got here? This event is just spectacular – and I'm invited!” He gazed on his ticket, falling into a slight trance.
“My Pinkie Sense was right all along! Should I throw a party?”
“No, no, no. I just need to calm down and discuss with Twilight regarding what's going on here!”

Daylight basked Ethan in its harsh white rays, as the clops sounded one-by-one from the wooden stairs. Still chuckling from Pinkie's antics, he bowed forward and recounted his journey, from his scepticism regarding ponification to the acquirement of his cutie mark.

17 years old, and with two hands, I wasn't sure what to do. I had this clipping on the wall about the ponies from Equestria and the Conversion Bureaus. For days I examined it, the details and its premise, but I couldn't convince myself.

Then I did it. I went up to the centre and received that shot of ponymycin. Along with Barry, I was immediately treated to the advantages of being a pony. However, I still had doubts – was staying in the old form better after all? Discussions with Twilight – who brought me here – and her five friends only served to feed the fire.

We were called up by Princess Celestia to deal with the Human Liberation Front and their inevitable strike. On the way there, we faced hardships that tested us to breaking point, and I still had dreams where I was a human – at one point, I regretted my conversion. I pulled through it, but another question soon appeared – what was to be kept of humanity if nothing could be?

I came to realise that the answer was knowledge, the information that helps societies, whether human or pony, to progress and prosper. I told that to Twilight, and now I'm getting rewarded. What am I going to do after this? Am I going to just hang out, take a look around Equestria and get blown away – or actually help others?

“What are you talking about?” Ethan inquired, trotting up towards the table where two ponies were conversing.
“Oh, we're discussing future residences and stuff,” Barry replied, extending his right hoof. “The three of us – you, me and Jimmy – are getting our own house from Twilight.”
“Why?” Ethan's mouth was raised in disbelief. “I thought this place was comfortable enough, and she was kind to let us stay here...”
“She can't handle us in the guest beds for long.” Without warning, he then turned to the entrance. “Hey, look! Jimmy has come back.”
A blade of wind perturbed the ponies' manes for a split second, as a characteristic fading rainbow trail ended just shy of the bookshelves. In its wake cantered forth a peach earth pony, his auburn hair only a distraction from the grin that occupied half his face.
“First!” Rainbow shouted. “Hello to all of you!”
“What? Never mind, hello to you.” Ethan was recovering from vertigo induced by the abrupt entry. “Jimmy, how's it like being a pony?”
“I was guiding him all over Ponyville, and all the time he was like 'this is more awesome than awesome!' He's simply radical – second to me of course!”
“Don't call me that!” Jimmy furrowed his eyebrows. “I was only ponified yesterday!”
“It's just Rainbow doing her thing, and-” Ethan unexpectedly paused. “Wait, why did I get a spot at the Grand Galloping Gala?”
“You're going to present a keynote speech alongside me there,” Twilight answered. “The event will be focused on the conservation of knowledge.”
“That's related to what they call purification, right?” Barry levitated up a book lying on the table, thinking it contained the relevant information.
“100% correct. Yesterday, Ethan told me about this, and I sent what he said to Princess Celestia.” Flipping her purple mane, she glimpsed him hovering over the table, oblivious to a shadow cast on his back. “She... couldn't help but to accept that purification has its drawbacks.”
“I know, right? Because then we miss out on-”
The pegasus was cut short by a sudden push to his back, causing him to momentarily release the involuntary mental controls for his wings. Two seconds later, Pinkie Pie made a party scene, with her hooves moving and tapping until they were tangled like spaghetti.
“Let's turn the gala into our very own splendid party of splendidness! After all, it's about celebrating till you've got a pretzel, right?”
“Not exactly pretzels.” Ethan could already hear the dance music playing. “It's just us, and them, and some more of them, having fun at the gala...”
Everypony giggled at each other, for they knew that regardless of how important the event was, their hearts would be satisfied.



“What are the others going to do, Twilight?” Ethan asked, his mane waving in the cool wind. “I mean, are they just going to hang around, or are they actually doing work?”
“They will be in the audience, listening to what we say.” With a frowned expression, she stuck her head out of the chariot, the green “A-OK” light blinking in her mind.

Canterlot. The sky hanging over it was a deep blue, Princess Luna's presence manifesting in a white circle that no longer bore her mark. This – and the stars, which revealed and concealed numerous patterns in their rhapsody of twinkles – had been an everlasting spark for ponies everywhere, and had paved the way for countless events, including the gala. As always, Equestria's capital showed its sophistication in architecture, dancing streams of water only a backdrop for towers which dominated their landscape. Crowds formed in irregular but well-defined shapes around the castle entrance, their hopes and emotions visible from above as a conglomerate scene of chatting and dresses.

“You have arrived at your destination,” one of the chariot pullers informed.
Twilight put two hooves forward, then the other two, without any delay in her motion. Ethan acted in the opposite way, unable to move a muscle in his seat, and looking forward with nothing in his focus.
“Get out!” the other royal guard ordered. “We have other passengers to ferry!”
A yelp came out from the purple pegasus, as he spread his wings and flew out. Rejoining Twilight on the ground, he tried to recall what was on the roster and what was expected of him.

OK... first, we enter Celestia's castle through its side door, which has been done. Then we get dressed up for our keynote speech. After this, it's formal time – no fooling around in the hallways, lest we become objects of observation via Luna. Walk up to the stage, deliver the speech, hopefully receive more than a bit of applause. Next, we attend the ball with our friends, and then we go home. Simple, right? Actually, not so – more responsibility is on our shoulders than other attendees, because we're the speakers that are not VIPs...

“The dresses for us are in this room.” Twilight stopped at a plain oak door illuminated by the yellow light of chandeliers, surrounding its doorknob with her magenta aura.
“Are you sure this is the correct room?” Pockets of warm air formed under Ethan, instigating the feathers to fan out as he raised his right hoof from the brown carpet underneath.
“Certainly. This whole place has been second nature to me since Princess Cadance was my foalsitter.” She turned back to see a pair of outstretched wings. “Quick! Shut them before somepony notices!”
“Oh, forgot about that!” Hyperventilating from the sudden contraction, he trotted inside to see several racks of clothes. “Mine is the only one on the blue rack, right?”
Twilight smirked. “Just follow me and you'll be fine.” While the fasteners on her dress moved without interruption, Ethan was fighting with clothing that his body refused to slip into. “Wait, you're having a problem putting that on?”
“Yes, if you can see!”
“I'll help you then.” Smiling, she untangled the knotted dress and laid it straight on his back. “After all, magic is the single privilege of unicorns.”

Heavy shadows were cast on both ponies, as they stepped up to the stage. Every step they took, their ominous sound amplified through solid black walls erected on both sides, seemed to foreshadow an outside invasion or other irreversible disaster. They clearly knew what would happen next, but were at the same time unsure – whether they would receive a standing ovation or rotten tomatoes. Then the lights were dropped, and a podium with two microphones and two files on it became apparent. One file was lavender with seven six-pointed stars embedded on its front, and the other had a white arrow and seven bits of glass layered over its purple cover. An audience of a thousand were condescending on them, two ponies who started it all.

“Are you ready?” Twilight whispered to Ethan. “We're alternating paragraphs.”
“Sure.” Sighting Princess Celestia on the far right and staring straight at him, he turned the page and read out its words.

“Tonight we gather in the spirit of conservation. It is not about the conservation of humans, or that of whatever they have left behind, to live in this place called Equestria.

“Rather, it is related to purification, the expansion of our land wiping out everything regarding the human race. Initially, this plan encountered no obstacles, only factors that quickened its pace. Species-exclusive diseases, global warming, and the like. Equestria has always been, with the exception of a few critical events, harmonious and caring, which caused the pony population to increase exponentially.

“However, there has been opposition. The Human Liberation Front had existed since this scheme began. It pushed for a society where humans lived beside ponies, striving for a balance. Although rightly countered countless times, they persevered, even threatening to use force. In the end, they lost in their defence of something which could not remain – but what was their motive?

“We have done our research, and found out they wanted to profit from our extremely fortunate circumstances, without caring about the common ponies. They were not generous to us. They refused to share knowledge and other intelligence so we could benefit.

“This leads us to our theme: the conservation of knowledge. I was originally a human myself, and I brought information about the human race to Equestria. Do you know somepony like me, who was once a different species? If so, talk to them and learn new things. If not, make friends with them. The time ahead of us is bright – it all depends on whether information is shared and used for a common good. Thank you.”

Soon, the hall was filled with the desynchronised claps of everypony who had paid attention. Celestia trotted up just as the keynote speakers were covered by dark shadows.

“I could say that our friends were suitably satisfied,” Twilight admitted. “What's next for tonight?”
Ethan's face scrunched up, ostensibly because of some music leaking from the ballroom:

Scratch and Neon's in the club tonight,
Oh yeah, we're gonna have a good time.
So grab somepony now, don't be shy,
It's our job to make you feel all right.

“Partying,” he finally replied.
> And In The End
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tock!
“Ow... that's the 19th time I've been poked in the wing, huh?” Ethan thought to himself, kicking and pushing against the purple and white blanket. “No, must have been the 20th.”

In the process of deciding his next move, two opposing princesses were conjured in his head. On his left was Celestia, pointing her right gold-shod hoof towards the sun she controlled every day across the pale blue sky, her eyebrows raised in anticipation. Luna stood still on the right. Her eyes were fixed on the moon she was once imprisoned in, and she extended her left silver-shod hoof towards the sleeping pegasus, obviously not bothering about her elder sister. Initially, Ethan sided with the latter, choosing to ignore those pokes and toss the blanket over his blonde mane – after all, his legs and wings were still crying for more rest. This time, feeling rays of daylight slowly immersing him in warmth, and then another poke, he opened his eyes. Surely, it had to be Pinkie Pie who had started all this, with her grin that did not understand downtime, and a collection of humour devices that encompassed everything in Equestria! No, Barry was staring straight at him, and the orange horn was left as the cause.

“Wait, why did you come here?” Ethan couldn't help but to discuss with the prankster. “I mean, you jabbed me twenty times while I was snoozing. Why?”
“You seem to be a sleepyhead, with an affinity for Luna!” Barry shuffled on the wooden floor, using telekinesis to press the pause button on an MP3 player hooked to his earphones. “So I decided to have a little fun for the purpose of waking you up.”
“Having a little fun? That was your move, so...” Trotting around the room and spreading his 14 feathers, a strange mix of uneasiness and familiarity swirled inside, and he let out a giggle reminiscent of Just For Laughs Gags. “Shall we have breakfast?”
“Obviously, we're having it soon. Besides, Jimmy's preparing the items today.”
“Oh.” Ethan facehoofed. “OK, then, we'll go down and see him with his guitar, eh? By any account, he's quick at everything.”

Like others in the town, the ponies had a two-storey house for themselves, but there were differences. Firstly, all four walls went straight up, and each ponies' bedroom had its own window, allowing Ethan and Barry to toast their eyes every day just looking at town hall. A microwave oven in the kitchen indicated how appliances invented by humans now facilitated everyday activities. Two certificates with Rarity's signature hung just beside the front door, which ironically bore the silhouette of a clueless human. Twilight had promised beforehand that it would be easy to adjust to – and indeed it was.

Outside noise was one part chirping critters, two parts ponies strolling over the town. The signal was two ponies going down the stairs, one smug and the other shivering, but both making clop sounds that brought clockwork to mind.
“That dining table can sit six- no, seven ponies, right?” Ethan stared at Barry, his eyebrows tilted. “If I include the sofas, that number gets-”
Crash, bang, thud. An infinitude of frequencies emanated from a single point, the individual waves rattling every beam of the woodwork, themselves imbued with passion that no robot could replicate. Passers-by froze. Ponymycin and a subsequent lack of fingers were only a slight increase in temperature for Jimmy – only a silly filly could call his notes off-key.
“That was awesome!” Howling at nopony, he turned around to see the guitar on his flank. “Now, where's Ethan?”
“Right here...” Hard throbs persisted in the pegasus' head. “The volume must go down, not up. Even in my soundproofed bedroom, I'm subjected to the grill nearly all the time you're strumming away.”
“That was 'The Final Countdown', and a real grill for sure!” Barry burst into tearful laughter once more. “Lavender sandwiches for breakfast, let's eat.”
“I've got company with a casual club of musicians.” Dropping his guitar, he circled the dining table before sitting down. “Rock and roll, in other words.”
“Then again, owing to my cutie mark being the wi-fi symbol, I've got one hoof on the radio operator's job – waiting for my interview. What about you, Ethan?”
“Er... undecided.” A frown showed, which gave way to a small smile. “However, seeing many ponified humans with blank flanks out there, I may help them.” Softly, like Fluttershy, he sang the words which had guided him all along:

The past is the past,
the future is the future,
and I live in the present,
for it is my time.

They were merely ponies, with the personality of humans.

They were the products of the Conversion Bureau.