> A Scratched Melody
>  by Pankrazius
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Intro - Are you lonesome tonight?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oooh c'mon. One last one for the way homee?", I asked.

"Don't you think you had enough, Missy?", this impin... imper... dumb jerk of a barkeeper gave back. He was big and light grey. A bit lighter then Tavi. Shit.. what was that? The sudden sting I felt while thinking on her. On what had happened.

"One l-last one, pleaaase!", I clopped my hoof on the counter. Did this buffoon manage to make me beg? Me? DJ Pon3 - the most awesome DJ in the whole wide world?

"You are drunk like company Nightguards on Nightmare Night. You better go home."

"What? I telll you what I am! I am Deejayy Pon4 ..3 and I could rock this whoole bar of yoursh anytime!", I reprimanded him. 
'Hey! Tavi liked to use this word!', shot through my - admittedly a bit foggy - mind. Another sting hit me. Not sure why. But somehow the thought on her hurt me.

"First, Missy. Its no bar, but an inn. Second, you'll waking my paying customers, because they are all in bed meanwhile. And third - I want to close for the night. So, either you pay for a room and go to sleep or you should leave now."

Thoughts were about to break out of my mind. Tavi. The fight in the afternoon. Her hurt voice on the phone as she broke up with me!
I looked up, saw the reflection of an empty guest room in the windows. Blurry tables and chairs, which seemed to float a bit. And a blurry scheme of a white coated mare with a blue mane. Glad my eyes where hidden behind my pink shades as they would be more red than usual.

"Look," I started to explain. "My friend dumped me right today - and all I want is to forget about it!"

"You tell this story the whole evening, since you came in. Missy - I am sorry for that. Really. But its the best if you head home and sleep it off. I bet everything looks better tomorrow.", he rolled his eyes.

"Fine." This celestia-damned bird-brained moron!


As the cold nights air let me shiver, I felt more clear. And the memories came back. It was so silly after all! She broke with me, cause of one slipped thing. Yeah, I had promised to go to her performance. And Celestia knows I did want to go there. Who could know it was exact the same day as my appointment in the studio? I just had forgotten about the other thing. Why had she been so upset?
My head hung low as I trotted along the hard mud road back to town.

Right - because it wasn't the first time, she said. But.. But anyway. I felt anger. About her, about me, about the whole bucked up situation. My thoughts circled around the scene. Her phone call, right before the curtain. And my dumbstruck me, talking bullshit on the phone. Half-hearted excuses and such...

I messed up. I messed up in such a manner, like never before in my life. And yeah - I had botched a few things before. Burnt things, destroyed things, annoyed neighbours and even Tavi. Shit.
The clusterfuck of a mess-up this time was - in hindsight - just a question of time.

I never was a hero. I never was relatable. Maybe I wasn't even a good friend...


Think it had started not long after I met the grey Earthpony. Octavia Melody. It was on the train that brought me here. She was from Fillydelphia, me from Baltimare. Nothing special at this time. We sat in the same compartment. 
She had a big instrument case and I had my suitcase with laptop and cables. So we gabbed about music. She with her classic music and her classy attitude. I am with wups and maybe too little understanding for her. But after all we were both far from home - and headed for the same town.

Passing the train station, more memories welled.

We left short after arriving. And honestly I didn't think much about the classic-music-pony. But later I met her again.
Some annoying business had let me to the Town Hall. Bureaucracy and such mishap. Had to find a place to stay and such. She found me as I sat over a bunch of papers I tried to fill out. And for some reason she helped me out. Turned out, she was way better with this forms.
We talked again - she was in search of an apartment, like me. But soon it became clear, that there weren't much houses for rent. Most of them far to expensive for my small budged - as for hers. Finally we came to the conclusion, to rent one small cottage together.
And so we became room-mates. Never thought of anything more in the beginning.


I crossed the place and headed towards Sugarcube Corner. Unlike the rest of the time the striking built shop, resembling stacked muffins, cakes and other sweets, seemed to be still open. Light fell out of the windows. But only a few customers were to see.

I could spot a whirlwind of pink coat and mane - Pinkie Pie. And two figures sitting at one of the corner tables. One blue stallion I didn't recognize and... My heart skipped a beat! Octavia! They sat and talked - milkshakes between them.
Octavia looked like she had cried a while ago.

It was me, who had make her cry. The recognition felt like a punch in the guts.
For a moment I thought about, to walk inside. Talk with her. Apologize or something. Do anything to make up for my mess.
But..
I felt still drunk. And yeah - I had experience with being drunk. I came home tipsy more often than I could count. But - it wasn't my fault. What could I do, if the club owners and barkeepers insisted to pay a part of what they owed me in shots and cocktails?
Anyway. I knew it would be a bad idea to walk towards her. Now. Like this. While she was obviously in good hooves or something.

A last look at the... pair and I let go of the doorknob, turned around and walked away. Not without looking back for a few times. 

’twas mean. It felt unfair. Why had she found some handsome stallion, while I had to walk through the cold night alone?

I knew she had been hurt by breaking up, too. I had heard it. After all I am a musician. I hear good. Like, really good. And I can sense pretty much with my ears. So It was just clear, that Octavia didn't feel good. Like myself. Yes. It hurts to get dumped.
I mean - no one is perfect. She with her damned perfection every time. Yes she could cook better, she kept the place more clean then me. But on the other hoof - she never was satisfied. Not only with her music. Gosh! She practiced and practiced night and day. And - what could I say. I am no expert for classic music. I am not even a fan. But I knew my ears. And when they  tell me something sounds awesome, then I wouldn't doubt it.
But not so her.
"I got to get better. This is far from professional! How could I even dare to attend at a orchestra with this."

'Gosh Tavi - you are bucking good with your cello. Its not only pretty - its gigantic. But you never believe in what you do.', I told it to her. A few times. When we not were squabbling. Or play pranks on one another. Or didn't talk at all.
Maybe her lame classic sound had rubbed off on me...
Anyway - she had someone to talk to. Pinkie and this stallion. 
And I? Dumped by her, thrown out by this dumb keeper. I had no one to talk.

I crossed the Mane Street, heading north. Here were laying the smaller houses. No manors, but quite the cozy cottages which characterized the town. You could even see the Golden Oak Library from our backyard window. So who could complain? The gardens however were big. This was one of the most impressive things, living on the land: Space.
I grew up in an apartment. Big, luxurious. But on the forty-eight floor of a grey condominium. The only green was found in parks. And even the biggest park in Baltimare was quite nothing compared to the surroundings of Ponyville. I mean the green meadows between our house and the library were twice as big as the public park in my quarter of Baltimare.
Funny - even if we two never could come to an agreement over our music, we had about the same taste for flowers. The most other ponies saw us just when we played anywhere. Me in my clubs - Octavia on more formal parties. Tartarus - she played even in Canterlot and didn't still believe in herself. But what no one knew, was that we both enjoyed to plant flowers and bushes. We had even a small patch for carrots and tomatoes. Though - planting them was fine. But cooking. No way. This was more Tavis thing. Anyway - we learned to come along pretty good. And somehow I had accustomed to her.


I passed the house of Roseluck - our local gardener and flower-dealer. Gosh, it doesn't matter how hard we tried - we never would get a garden like hers. Blazing in colors, Roses, Tulips patches with blooming Lillies and Daffodils. But hey - we never gave up trying.

Right behind the adorable green, I turned to the small hard dirt path leading to my ... our house.
Dark - like any other building around. Nothing special.
Due to my work, I often came home in the small hours.

"Tavi! I am hoooome!" - I murmured.
At this time of night, I didn't try to wake her. Didn't work out every time. I mean - after a hard night of partying and drinking, it was not that easy to stay quiet. Gosh - maybe another thing, she didn't like. But hey - after all this would be no problem in my future.
This thought was even harder as before. No sting, no punch in the guts - more a hammer right to the mind, without dwelling on things like the head.
In future, I could come and go as I wished. There was no one who could get bothered. No Tavi around.

Shit. Shit. Shit.
Why were I this idiotic? Why was I such a dumb-ass?

I passed her bedroom. Saw the door half open. Somehow I hoped for a bad dream or trip or such. Hoped to saw her lying and sleeping. Shit I even would have loved it, when she were awake, complaining about me and my habits.
But - seemed that this wouldn't happen again.

"Consider this friendship over," she had said. Every single word felt like an execution now. First I just was hit by the words. But now the consequences slowly became clear to me.


* * *


I felt strange. Relieved. A big weight had been lifted from my back. Eased and somewhat proud of myself. I simple had done it.

Vinyl had forgot about me again. One time to much. I still felt shivers by the thought of what I had accomplished.
I stand upon the stage. Holding my cello and playing. I elicit tunes from my instrument I never had imagined. Powerful chords and my voice clear as crystal.
Not long ago I never would have believed I could do this. I play cello for years now. Practiced and did everything to get better. But I never dared to compare myself to the professionals. What was I? Just a girl with a crush on the classics. Loving instruments - foremost the cello. Encouraged by my parents. Teachers for music themselves. Understanding on the one hoof. What was quite a relief, as they never opposed my love for playing. But on the other hoof, they were tough... censorious maybe. Judging and comparing me to the grand masters - not to my benefit.
So I lived the whole time with the feeling of being not good enough.
It took a while to get myself up. To truly try it. I started with baby-steps. Small audience. Formal gatherings and such. But now - my first big hall.
I never had dared without another encouragement. 

While my parents just wanted me to practice practice practice Vinyl was the first pony which truly believed in me. Who told me, HOW good I was and that aiming for perfection would just stall myself.
Like a lightning it stroke me. Luckily my small blunder didn't got recognized. 

She was not here.
With the last tunes of my play, the light feeling wore off too. I sang the last words, glancing over the audience. Inside I hoped to see one special face. White, with red eyes and a blue mane. But... she never would hear my play again. At least not direct. I ... had withdrawn the friendship with her. Had cut her off.

Clopping applause broke out. But I felt hollow. A plastered false smile stood on my face. Three times coming back on stage, even one short encore before the curtain finally fell.
Inside I felt angry. And sad. I had done the right thing, there I was certain. But why did it hurt so much? The audience was gone, the hall empty. And before my inner eye I saw Vinyl. Cheering, applauding. But who was I to lie to myself. She wasn't there. I had broken up with her.
But still - my decision stood. Since I got known of her she was everything but perfect. Lazy, tardy, oblivious and careless. Thought on no one but herself and just didn't have any respect for possessions of others. How many bows she had ruined? How often she had destroyed the living room? Burnt the place nearly by cutting short the fuse, because her WUB-Box overheated the power supply line...
Or her music-play at three in the morning. Or her making a din when she came home drunken like a sailor.
And her pranks. Gosh - how I hated this. Her little tricks she played all the time, the shenanigans she brought over me. Taping my Cello-box on the ceiling. Caging me up in the bathroom.

Though - she had have her good sides too. But, by Tartarus - to much was to much!
If I had ignored her behaviour this time, I never had stood up against her actions.
But anyway. It had hurt myself too. After all we knew each other since we came here. We lived together - as room-mates and short after as friends for over three years now. There was this strange, hollow feeling, lingering around.

Slowly I walked out of the hall, left the empty tiers behind me and felt the cold evening air on my body.

"Hello there.", a deep voice sounded. I startled in turn and nearly dropped my cello case. A stallion, blue and blonde maned stood right at the side of the entrance. I meant to have seen him in the audience before.

"Oh. My apologies, I didn't want to frighten you. I just wanted to tell how wonderful your play was this evening." the Earthpony continued.

I said something stupid I couldn't remember. A blush burned on my face. I mean - it was one thing to hear ponies applauding to your performance - but to hear someone extra waiting for you to compliment you for your work is something completely different.

"Blue Tune, my name."

"Octavia Melody," I answered automatically - even if my name stood right behind me on one of the advertise tables promoting my concert - and right above the entrance gate in glowing letters. Fluttered by the attention the foreign pony spent me, but still thinking about the things that happened earlier, I just couldn't smile.

"You seem uneasy. Is something wrong?", he asked, tilting his head to the side.

Silent I shook my head. I don't felt in a mood to talk.

"It is your decision. But maybe talking would help you...", he insisted polite. Gosh - somehow I liked his manners. He was so... courteous.

"Maybe...", I started.

"May I offer to walk a while with you?.", he just said.

And we did. We strolled through the deepening shadows. Normally I was somehow shy talking to others - especially stallions. But right then I just didn't think about my concerns. Maybe it was the dire need of an understanding ear, or just a distraction to don't think about what happened. And understanding - he was. I started to tell him about Vinyl and about how we broke up today. And it welled out like water.
Sometime later I remember us sitting in Sugarcube Corner, he still listening, giving comfort and especially doing nothing flirty or so. This had impressed me. And maybe it were my own turmoil of feelings, which let me ask to stay at his place over night. After some questions about me being serious, he accepted.
And this night it happened. No - no sex. But we talked the whole night through and as the first light of the new day dawned - I had found my first very special somepony.

> First Chapter - Empty Rooms
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat in the living room of our... no my house, staring holes in thin air. It was a week since Tavi and me broke up for good. Two rectangles on the wall, slightly paler then the rest of the light wood, remembered me. Two pictures, Tavi had taken away.

It was three days after her concert - I haven't had heard anything of her and was about to get really worried. Suddenly she knocked on the door. I was ready to hug her, to literally beg on my knees for forgiveness... but it turned out another way. Octavia wasn't alone. With her was the same blue stallion I saw in Sugarcube Corner before.

"Miss Scratch. We are just here to get Octavias possessions. So - please stay aside.", he had snarled, while he just shove me out of the way!

"Tavi!", I ignored the stallion. "I.. I."

"Please - be quiet. You have hurt Octavia more than enough.", the stallion growled, a hateful glaring in his brown eyes. "So don't make this harder, than it has to be."

I gulped.

Then Tavi rushed in, ignoring me with raised head.
She didn't speak one word with me. Not one bucking word. I didn't get it. This annoying blue guy blocked any attempt to get to her.
And then it was over. They had packed Tavi's stuff on a cart and moved away. I can't remember how long I stared after them.

But as I walked back into the house - the much emptier... deader house - my legs gave in. I sobbed silent, feeling more cracks in the surface of my slowly shattering world. To this point I had hoped to somehow convince Tavi. To apologize. To get her back. But this spark seemed extinguished.


* * *


"Don't you think we were to harsh to Vinyl?", I asked.

"Oh dear. I know you still like her.", Tune smiled. Then his face got a stern feature "But... she was just that mean to you - all the time. Her pranks, her chaotic behaviour. She had let you down... how often now? I just couldn't let her near you. No. Its better this way. Forget her - she is just a pain in your live. A pain gone now." he laid his hoof on my chin and raised my muzzle towards his and kissed me. Gosh - the butterflies in my belly went postal.

"I know..." I sighed.

For him it was more easy for sure. But I knew her as a friend for so long. To just forget her was not that simple. We lived for years in the same house. Shared many things...
But - Tune was right. Like always I think. She had played her pranks on me more than often. Had messed with my things. Even ruined some of them. Not on purpose, there I was sure - but because of her oblivious self. I don't know if that was less worse or more.
And - in marked contrast to Blue Tune, she never shared my love for classic music. She made fun of my work and never appreciated my sense for perfection. All in all it was for the better to move on and leave her behind. Like Tune had said.

No. Vinyl was no longer a problem. This chapter was closed for good. I smiled.

"Good girl.", Tune's face lighted and he smiled too.


This evening Blue Tune took me for dinner. The small restaurant on the road to Hoofington had a good reputation, but I never had availed myself the opportunity to dine there. Gosh - eventually with Vinyl. Just to get kicked out, because she would do something stupid.

"How did I earn this honour?" I asked as we trotted past the dark wooden windowed door. 

"Oh, my lovely Tavi - you have earned any honour alone by being you." This was maybe a bit purple - but hey, after all we were a young loving pair. I blushed instantly and giggled like a filly. He was so gentle and polite. Yes I loved him.

"Garçon", inside the classic entrance room Tune waved one of the waiters over. "Your best table."
Gosh. His attitude. raised forehead, half closed eyes. His head shifted up. Like a perfect snob. Surprised by his acting I had to restrain myself to don't laugh out loud.

We got a nice seat in a bay with windows facing to the garden. The trees were full of brown red and yellow autumn leaves, the last rays of the sun shone like liquid gold. He sat in opposite to me, just a small round table with a white tablecloth and a lit red candle between us.

The food was quite excellent and the restaurant stood up to its distinction. But we had to concentrate on actually eating our meal, instead of staring in each others eyes or speak small silly words of affection.

"This was great. I love the place here.", I said while a warm feeling filled myself.

"I hoped you like it." he let occur a small pause, while he studied my face, letting me get red again. With half closed eyes - this time not arrogant, but more dreamy -  he added "Bow."

"Excuse me?", I smiled wondering, focussing his blue eyes.

"Oh. I thought this would fit you. As cellist after all. But if it is not your taste...", gosh he was so sweet, as his ears turned red and he started to speak faster.

"A pet-name?", I added, still surprised.

"Oh. If you don't like it..."

"Its wonderful. Bow... that's sweet." I pondered a moment, as he exhaled with ease. "My Cello."

"Wait? What?" again he blushed. And silent I smiled in glee.

"Now - If I am your Bow - then you are my Cello. Easy as that. Because we belong together. Right?"

"I guess you are, Bow." He giggled. Gosh in this moment I fell in love with him once again. Yes - he was the stallion of my dreams. He was the one pony who would fill my life. I felt never before as lucky as in this very moment. But... more lucky moments should follow soon.

Later this evening we learned both something new about each other. Something wonderful and... maybe a bit naughty.


* * *


I didn't sleep very well this night. Maybe because of the Neighponese instant-noodles I had for dinner. Maybe because of the scene this afternoon. Probably because of both.
I rolled around on my bed, even stood up in the middle of the night and tried to write music. After all, loss is a big theme in the business and many artists cope with loosing someone they love by writing awesome pieces. But I didn't even manage to combine two notes - let alone from setting chords or basses. I sat in front of my laptop - staring at the flat-line my visualizer showed and hit some arbitrary keys.
No music this night.

Every time I glanced around I felt more depressed. Sure - Tavi and me had shared the rent. But she was the one who bought all the decorative stuff. This vases and dust-catching figurines and such. Pictures to hang on the wall. I had laughed at her. Unnecessary junk. I spent my money on equipment and the only decorations in my room were band-posters. Hand-signed ones. Things with a real meaning. No clutter.
But now - I could see every bleach spot on the walls where pictures were missing. Every clean circle on the dusty tables. Shadows of missing cabinets and empty shelves. It felt more like in a storage room than a occupied house.
Books. Yes I read. Not much. But now and then I enjoy written things. But I never could bring myself to actually buy those. Here it was a benefit that Tavi thought of me as an illiterate moron. She even bought me books, just to watch me read. 
But after all - they were her stuff - so she took them with her.

I looked at my watch. A bit after one A.M. Maybe I could stroll to the club to party and chill - then I would sleep like a baby. Or maybe not. The dead house gave me creeps.


Two hours later I was done. Danced for an hour straight - the DJ was good. Not my league - but hey - my league consisted of exactly me. I had a few drinks and felt better. But also tired.
The chill-out area was a collection of wild garbled sofas. Pink, yellow, green. Modern to vintage and some really eerie specimen of "Couchus singularis". The legend told they were all from famous musicians who actually died on them. But I knew Spring Breeze, who run this business - and he had gotten them for cheap from Quills & Sofas after a water-pipe-burst.

Anyway, I streted myself on the cosy green Janis Jockey-sofa. Before I could start pondering suddenly a shadow was cast on me.
Pale pink pony, with cherry colored mane. Berryshine.

"Now? Everything alright with you?", she asked.

"Oh. Yeah. Sure," I didn't want to tell her what happened. I mean after all I knew her barely. Sure, she was a regular guest in the disco and she was kind of a fan, I think. At least she danced much and seemed to enjoy my music. And besides, it was no small talk theme and I didn't want to worry her. Berry surely didn't came here, to sit and listen to the misery that had stricken me.

"That's nice. And how does Octavia? Didn't talk to her recently." ... me neither I think. I tried to keep my smile, but It felt false.

"She has a new friend. How is he?" Gosh. I don't know. A big jerk most likely...

"Oh. He's new. She seems lucky with him. Have not thought about him much." I didn't think on much other things, to be honest. It hurt every time my mind wanders towards them.

"You... look sad. Is anything wrong?" Please - just stop. Don't make me think about it. I was here to forget. I felt sweat on my forehead and heat rising in my face.

"Oh.. no. everything's fine. Fine..." I couldn't keep my smile any longer, so I hung my head low, to don't let her see my sad face. 

"There is something wrong", she commented dry, shoved herself near me. "But if you don't want to tell, you don't have to."

"Heyyy, Berryshine - I though I fetch us something to drink. What do you want? Cocktail? Beer? Just say. Its on me," I jumped up. There was no denying - she wouldn't buy it. But, correcting my shades I grinned wider.

"Oh. Just water.", she looked up to me with a faint smile.

"Water? Hey - If I spend you one, you wouldn't insult me, by just wanting water, do you? So what now? Beer?"

"No. You're right. Thanks. But... orange juice. I had enough this evening," she sighed.

So I made my way along the dance floor up to the bar. The music hammered and light beams cut through the dancing crowd. Flocks of dry-ice fog, were softening the view. Summer Wind, a muscular pegasus stallion, yellow coated with blue long mane - about the same color as mine - and alike blue eyes, greeted me. He was the brother of Spring and kept the bar.

"Yo Summer."

"'Sup Vinyl. What can I get ya?", he grinned as ever, gleeful and loving his job. I suppressed the urge to wipe this grinning off his face, straightened myself and ordered another beer and juice for Berry. On other occasions I surely would have spiced her drink up a bit. But tonight I just wasn't in the mood for any pranks.

So I headed back through the disco, glancing over the dancing ponies on the colorful lit dance floor, watching groups of others sitting around small tables or chilling in the bays lined up on the wall. Somehow the noise felt good. 'twas to loud to hear ones own thoughts. And I didn't want to think at all, this moment.
I took my way back slowly. Embracing the deafening, benumbing sound. But at least I left the grand room and the music diminished to audible thumbing basses.

Closing the door to the chill-out-area behind me, the sound was gone at all. And my thoughts came back. Sighing I looked up, spotting Berry, still sitting on her Marelyn Monterufolino-couch. But she wasn't alone in the room. In another corner two pegasi sat opposite to each other. I knew Thunderlane dark grey with his signature Mohawk - but the mare didn't ring any bells. Didn't matter anyway. They giggled and held hooves.
Gosh. Another lucky pair. I plopped down on my former place, hoofed Berry her drink and took a deep sip from my glass.

"So. What's up now.", she stared directly in my eyes. Or better in my shades.

"I.." I paused. Suddenly even the beer in front of me looked stale.

"You'll feel better, if you tell. I promise."

I pressed my lips together and gulped the lump down my throat. What should I feel better about? Tavi won't come back from talking.

"Tavi and me..." Shit. The rest of the words refused to come out. But they didn't have too, it seemed.

Without a word Berry closed the distance between us and laid her hoof around my shoulders. I wound myself out of her hug and jolted up.

"Sorry.", without any further words I ran out of the room, left the disco and came to my senses somewhere on the Town Square. Shit! Gosh darn it! My heart puckered and I felt the need to puke. A part of me just wanted to curl up somewhere and cry out in pain. The lucky pair, the lucky dancers. Summer Breeze. 'twas just to much to handle. I didn't want to see friends together. I didn't want to see happy ponies. I couldn't blame them. Least of all Berryshine, who just wanted to help me.
But... I just couldn't bear it any longer.
I ran home. Seeing the dark house and knowing no one where inside hurt again. But at least I could sleep. Had drunk enough booze to make me sleepy. Tomorrow it would look better I tried to convince myself.


* * *


Maybe you know this moment before you are truly awake? This half dreaming half conscious time? The moment everything is perfect. I swear, I smelled fresh scrambled eggs from below, you know with all this herbs and spices in it. On the rare occasions Tavi was earlier awake than me, she made them sometimes. Along with pancakes and other fancy stuff. 

Funny thing - one would think Tavi is everyday up before me. But normally I am the early bird. Cannot lie still when the sun shines. Tavi however is a real slugabed. Tartarus knows - I had actually to wake her sometimes, so she don't oversleep. 
Its not that strange if you think about it. Classical concerts are given in the evening and the after-parties - with plenty of expensive champagne and canapés, this much to small food-bits - last to the early morning. Like my work.

But this had to be one of this rare events. Yes. I was long on the road. Disco I remembered. Then - slowly like honey the single bits of remembrance came back. Breakup. Tavi moved out. Long shitty night. The same time the smell of fresh eggs faded away. I tried to hold the dream, to just deny what really happened. I felt like... like an ant trying to escape the maw of a doodlebug inside his pit. I ran in vain, as the sand of consciousness dragged me deeper and deeper to the one bad cognition.

Without much impulse I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled towards the stairs. I tried to ignore every empty spot on the wall and the half-open door to Tavis room. I fetched something out of the fridge - hoping it wasn't spoiled.
I sighed and ate. Then I sighed some more.
I pondered, cursed Tavi, her stage-show - and myself. Again and again I replayed the situation in my mind. I knew exactly what went wrong. Maybe I was lazy with my schedule. But it was her fault too. She had just overreacted. Maybe it was my fault. But... refusing to talk with me yesterday had hurt me! And this was just unnecessary!
C'mon Vinyl. Is this how you want to live for the rest of your life?
No. I had to make a decision. Tavi won't come back. She didn't like me any more. More - she was angry and hated me now. So it was the best to forget her simply. I had my work. I had my music - both things Tavi never respected anyway!

I could live my life without her! I even could have fun again. After all it seems, she didn't cope all to long on dumping me... . A new friend in a matter of hours? What should that tell me? That I wasn't worth at least a few moody days?
My fault - her fault - or not. This was no way to treat a friend. Not even an ex-friend. But she should see. If she just found new friends - I could do better.

Shivering by this new thought I stood up. Just out of this haunted house. I had to clear my mind.

> Second Chapter - Fool's Paradise
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last months were like living in paradise. Blue Tune was one perfect gentleman, like the born prince I had waited all of my life, without even knowing it. He literally carried me on his hooves. The last two months were the pure heaven.
He was a good musician too - played violin, sung a bit. Oh being with him was so full of joy. We had so much in common. Liked the same music - even the same composers. He was a perfectionist in everything. Just like me. Collected and orderly. So unlike... other ponies.
Yes - I had to admit, from time to time I thought of Vinyl Scratch - the curse of my former life, how I called her now. All these years I had stuck with her. All this wasted time. She was so opposite to everything I liked.

Blue Tune and me had quite entertaining conversations - from light chatter to deep philosophical discussions. Gosh I loved to talk with him. I loved when he shared his dreams with me. From grand orchestras, from going far away - the big metropolises Manehatten, Maris or Bearlin. Playing for the most sophisticated and important ponies there were.
I embraced the thought on all the glittering lights, the fancy places he would take me.

Chiming a joyful tune I looked down the road as I left the Town Square. A bit of late shopping - and a bit of chatting with the mares there. It was nice after a day full of practicing and a small play at the Town Hall. But now I needed to head home, for I missed my sweet Cello.
I paced over the bridge and followed the road to Rarity's Boutique. I couldn't resist to glance over all the nice dresses and gowns in the windows. Then just a fast walk trough the park and a few steps towards the nice small house we called our own now.


"I am hoome!", I gleefully shouted, as I trotted through the door. I felt light-hearted and lucky this moment. Then, wondering, I stopped. No answer? No 'Welcome back my sweet Bow' 
Huh? I heard voices out of the living room. So I closed the distance through the small hallway and gave the door at its end a light shove.
"Hello?", I said with an asking voice hesitant for a moment.
Besides Blue Tune there sat a unicorn mare I didn't know on the couch. She had a light cyan coat golden mane and bright yellow eyes. I couldn't spot her cutie mark from my position.
The two of them seem to have a pleasant conversation. I cocked a eyebrow, wondering what this was all about.
"Oh. Tavi. Nice to see you - may I introduce Prescilla Partitura to you. She is an old friend of mine and happens to be the First Violine of the Royal Canterlot Orchestra.
Baffled I made a step backwards. But I recovered fast, coughed and straightened myself.

"My, welcome!" I bowed polite. "Its a honour to meet such brilliant player like you. I love the Canterlot Orchestra."

"Oh. You don't need to be this formal.", she giggled and waved a hoof. "Please - take a seat. Blue told me everything about you. Gosh, I just have to know if everything he told is true!"

I followed the somewhat strange offer - given it was my couch, she invited me...

"Where did I leave off?... Oh yes. The conservatory...", Blue Tune picket up the talk again.

I followed the talk for a couple of minutes. It was not easy, as they were in the middle of their story and I didn't get most of their inside-jokes. It got dull to listen. But just walking off, would be insulting I thought. So I just stayed on my place, pondering.
Then I realized - Tune didn't spoke to me since I came in. And this was just a brief introduction for his school-friend.
O.K. - I could understand them. They didn't have met for a long time. So they had much to talk. But something bothered me. My thoughts wandered around and circled around one special white unicorn. As unreliable Vinyl had been - she never had just ignored me, when I was around. Even if there were visitors. 
Gosh... was I thinking about her? How could I? She let me down, forgot plans we had made together... She... unnerved me, played pranks on my cost, disrupted my practices....  But she never ever had ignored me.

"Is it OK for you, if I go practice? You seem to have much to catch up on.", I excused myself with a weak smile. Suddenly I just don't felt like sitting and listening.

"Oh... yeah. Yeah. Its O.K.", Tune nodded towards me. He didn't even kiss me. He never missed to kiss me, when I came home.

I didn't see much of my love the whole day. Prescilla left after dinner - the only time she actually talked to me a bit. But somehow her appearance here and Blues reaction, or better his lack of reaction for me left a strange unpleasant feeling lingering around. He even didn't seem to realize, that he ignored me the whole afternoon.

The evening then was quite normal, but the feeling refused to wear off.
Later in the night laying by his side, I snuggled up my face on his shoulder and finally I felt better. No. This was really no big deal. Everypony needed a afternoon off, now and then. And how was I to refuse my friend, my one true love, to talk to his friends long not seen?
"Bow..." Tune broke the sleepy silence and my ear perked up. I opened an eye - a bit useless as it was new moon and a pitch black night.
"What's the matter Cello?", I recognized the thoughtful sound of his voice.
"Do you want to stay the rest of your life here, as cellist for a small audience?", he shifted his position a bit.
"Why do you ask?", this seems to become one of his 'dreaming of a career in a big city'-talks.

"Just... just answer.", he sounded uneasy.

"Now... I would lie if I say so. Surely I dream of a big orchestra. Who doesn't?", after all we had this talk quite a few times by now.

"What if I said, your dream could become true? Or... our dream?"

"Let me guess... your conversation with your old school-friend brought you there?", I smiled in the dark.

"She opened my eyes. I mean - you are virtuous with your play" - I knew, he loved this phrases. "And I am not bad either..."

"Hold on. You are not 'not bad', Cello. I would say you are brilliant. Never let anything let you think otherwise."

"Yes. Maybe you're right. We... we are just too good for a place like this. We don't belong in a backwater town. What we need, what we dream off are the lights of the metropolises. The places where our talent truly matters."

A bit sleepy as I was I pictured, what he told. Yes. Playing in a big orchestra. Playing for Princesses, for royalty, for ponies knowing culture. 
"Big stages, big audience. And when its going to be too much - just retreating in our cozy little cottage." I yawned.

"Oh Bow... if you like to - then even in our little cottage. But I would prefer our manor outside of Canterlot". he chuckled.

"I would go everywhere. As long as I could stay with you.", with this words I snuggled up again.

"So its... settled?", he asked. "I'll write my first application tomorrow?"

He seemed to take this serious. And I didn't want to discourage him. I nodded on his shoulder, sleepy and with images from manors and butlers... but something felt not right. A thought gnawed. ... Leaving Ponyville?


* * *


"Yo Spring Breeze.", I called over the marketplace.

The light green Earth Pony perked his ear, and turned his head away from the bushels of carrots, stacked at Golden Harvests market stall.

"Hey Vinyl!", he replied grinning, revealing his trademark golden tooth. "What does my number one DJ at this early hour? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" He hoofed a few coins over the counter, while Golden Harvest - due to her golden yellow coat I presumed, after briefly waving towards me, packed the carrots in a brown paper bag.

"Say... do you have somepony for this evening? I am free tonight.", I exclaimed with - what I was certain of - confidence in my voice.

"Hrm. Strange. Since when do you work more often than once a week?", he grabbed the bag turning around to me completely now.

"Lets say, I have a somewhat creative block with music lately. And since Octavia moved out, there is nopony around I annoy with coming home late."

"Oh... I didn't know your friend has gone...", he frowned. 

Shit. In my mind I had planned the whole conversation. Everything... Like 'Oh - that's really no problem. She was merely a room-mate. Live goes on, y'know But now... to deny Tavis friendship... I stopped dead for a moment to collect myself.

"That's.. that's no problem. You know me. Nothing brings me down. And hey - at least I have time now. So - what do you say?" my shades were covering my eyes this moment, so Spring couldn't see that they didn't share the smile from my mouth.

"Now. Why not? As I said - you are my number one. Friday nights are the best, with you around, and the guests can't get enough of you. So - OK. See ya tonight!"


* * *


I woke up early in the morning. Much to early. The last weeks were like a dream. Parties, clubs and Discos. I worked everyday. At first to avoid my dead home. But now, the house had regained some life to it. Maybe no new furniture or dust catching clutter, but still.

I rolled around and nearly kicked somepony out of my bed. pale yellow furred pegasus stallion? Somehow I couldn't remember much of the last night. But my bedroom seemed like someone had cast a tornado in it. Tornado... tornado... yes some bells started to ring. Maybe we got carried away a bit.



My ears perked. No. The ringing didn't came from my sudden recognition. It sounded like the house bell. Shit? How late was it? Nine? Maybe ten A.M.? Wich cruel bastard dared to wake me after such an exhausting night?

I strolled out of my room, followed the narrow hallway to the stairs. Sleepy I nearly stumbled over another pegasus. White, really, really bulky and snoring like a walrus. Did I run a pegasus-special-party last night?
Anyway - whoever had decided to interrupt my well-earned sleep, did it mean serious. Ringing and loud hammering sounds mixed... Whoa - could be a base for a new piece I pondered while making my way down the stairs.

"Coming! Easy now!", I shouted.

"Miss Scratch. Open this door on instant, or I inform the constable!", yelled someone. No. Not someone. In contrast to most of my bedfellows I knew the name attached to this annoying rant. It was Shabby Slum - my landlord.

I had to evade some obstacles. Mountains of empty... hopefully empty .... Pizza-boxes which build a modern art representation of Ghastly Gorge in my hallway. I opened just a small gap - Mister Slum didn't need to see how I treated the house.

"Ah. At least." he said with a snarling sound. "I hope I didn't interrupt you by doing something."

"Nope. Everything fine", I lied, smiling.

"I fear I have to dissent in this point, Miss Scratch. There are at least a few points not fine." Shit. Did he see the mess inside the living-room from an outside window? I mean - I didn't dare to enter this room since the popcorn disaster. Ah! Gosh darn it! I had sworn to myself never to think again at IT!

"Sorry. I can't follow..."

"Beginning with the mess your garden is. I mean - it is after all my garden. Even if I borrowed it to you."

"Yeah..." I scratched the back of my neck. I didn't go in the backyard since a while. To much reminders there. And anyway - what did I need from there. Since no one was cooking any more...

"Further your regular visitors. It may not be of my business what you do in your spare-time. But I as your landlord have some reputation to keep."

"Oh... this...", the scratching intensified. 

"And finally - Your rent.", he simply stated.

My... what? My rent. I thought... I had.

"I..." I felt sweat pouring on my forehead as my mind raced. At snails speed. C'mon brain I need you. NOW!  But my gray matter refused to work properly. The few drinks last night, could maybe responsible for this.

"Its a pity for me, that your room-mate has moved out. She was very accurate with paying. Aaaand kept the garden clean... And kept the house in a proper condition. And I cannot think of her allowing such... guests as you have now," he counted.

Oh yeah everything would be better - with our Tavi the buzz-kill and ass-of-a-friend around...

"But I think this is no further problem now." I heard the relieved sound of his voice and eased myself. Couldn't be that bad, huh?

"Mister... Slum. Uhm... I ... If you wait, say ... till next week. Then...", I started to figure out one idiot-proof plan to pull me out of this. But unfair him, he didn't let me finish my perfect defence.

"As I expected. You don't have the money. Now - like said - no further problem for me." - he grinned. I grinned too - showing empathy y'know. So we grinned in each others faces for a few awkward moments - "Because you owe me the rent for two months now. And therefore I am entitled to buck you out of my house."

Someone scratched the needle over my life's soundtrack. Now my mouth gaped open while ice cold showers run down my spine.

"You... you couldn't ... just..." I stammered in while waves of heat and cold ran through my body, leaving a shaky feeling.

"I could. And I will. You are out of my property till lunch. Your stuff remains here till you pay what you owe me. Should you still be around after I finished my meal and come to check the place, you will be in serious trouble." With a tip of his hoof he settled his bowler right on his head and turned away.
With one last look back he smiled again "Have a nice day Miss Scratch."

> Third Chapter - Highway to Hell
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


* * *


"Welcome the mistress of beats! DJ PON3!", the speakers thundered through the hall. Crowds of ponies stomping their hooves, as I made my way through them, waving, a head-splitting smile on my face. I climbed the steps to my mixing desk - my shrine of beats, my very own Olympus of WUBS and felt like the Princesses sitting enthroned over their loyal subjects.
I let the light flicker and run out. Then - like the Princess of Party I raised one spot on the dance floor. My hooves flipped switches, regulated dimmers, and with one soft button-push I started the evening again! It took a few moments, before they really slid in the mood and started moving.
Somehow I had the impression, they had cheered more at the beginning. 

Yeah in hindsight, my live had changed dramatically. And not to the worse! I played nearly every evening in different locations. And on the rare days off I was to shot down to recognize anything.
Loosing my house wasn't that bad either. No rent - meant more money to keep. Eating outside wasn't much more costly. The local Hay-Burger was worth its bits and I didn't have to do dish-washing afterwards.

The basses thundered through the hall - and for a few moments I had set my throne on auto-pilot. As I direly needed something to drink. 
Strolling along the bar I caught Summer Wind amidst his barkeeper performance. No other pony could flip the shakers like him. I watched a few moments as he juggled none less than three silver shimmering mugs, while still smiling and pouring some dark brown liquid in another drink, waiting to be finished in front of him.
Even if I knew his show, it was intriguing every time. Smiling I glanced over the guests, staring at the whirling barkeeper-tools like it was magic.

"And now someone should claim only Unicorns could use spells....", I grinned towards the keep. "Or did you just saw your horn off?"
"Hey Pon3, sup?" he grinned, catching two of the mixers with his hooves while balancing the third on his muzzle.

"Everything fine. Make me two of these" I pointed at the glass counter-top with the cocktail menu. 
Thinking a moment I added "And two beer."

"One for you and one for your ego, eh?", he nodded smirking, sending the last mug on a spot exact between the other two.

"Heeey! I am really calm tonight. My ego would demand a keg at least."

I balanced the small tablet with the ordered drinks, he hoofed me and made my way back to my booth.
Now the evening could really start.


"Of course, you can come with me." the green colored mare beamed. A light hint of pink around her muzzle suggested, that she wasn't sober any longer.

"Yeah. Perfect. I just grab my stuff." I could remember her name. Olive or Caper or ... anyway. Something small green and salty. She was one of the friends I could drop by since I lost my home. At least the most ponies partying at the clubs around were very helpful.

Who needs an apartment when there are so much nice ponies around? Since I worked the most time, I had plenty of opportunities to make new friends. So I surfed the couches between Ponyville, Hoofington and Canterlot. I came around and had more fun and booze in this few weeks, as in the years living with Tavi before.
Literally - sometimes if we got kicked out of the club we just bombed at some pals house and carried on.


* * *



It was midmoring and everything was quiet. Besides the sounds outside the house. I wasn't fully awake - no wonder after this night...
The headache wasn't really bad - just mildly annoying.
So I laid - half dreaming - upon a cheap brown couch. The tea table besides me was a mess of empty glasses, a scent of cold smoke, warm beer and an insufficient ventilation lingered over me like a heavy blanked. One that should be urgently washed, or better be burnt, buried and forgotten.

Oh yeah - It was a hell of a party. See Tavi - I don't need you!
What was she about now? Normally she would make breakfast on such occasions. Or scold me mildly for sleeping this late. At least - she would be there and talk to me.

Oh... Noo. Not again.
I turned around. The picture of her lingered before my closed eyes. Tartarus! It has been weeks since I've seen her last before. But time after time she managed to sneak in my mind, tormenting me with memories. Was it all that bad with her around? Yeah - we didn't get along really. She with her classical music, me with my cool stuff. But... didn't I encourage her to do something with her talent. To actually play for an audience and not just practicing the whole time?

And even when she said how she despises my music - she had pointed out some real mistakes I made.
Even if my life was better without her - I ... shit. missed her. Her smile, even her cute little frowned muzzle, when I played a trick on her. I never would see this again. Or her truly surprised happy face, as I made dinner for her birthday...
But why had she have to be such a bitch? Gosh - maybe I made my mistakes. But she... Again the last words we exchanged floated my mind. The whole scene. If I just had been a bit faster... or stronger... or - shit - looked at my organizer. The one Tavi had given me.
And now another feeling crept in my mind. Guilt. Deep inside I felt that it was me to blame. I had let her down. I had shown how much our friendship was worth to me.
Rotating on the couch I cuddled myself on the pillows. 
Shit - I didn't want to go down this road. I had to keep my cool! Focus Vinyl! .... another word I had learned from Tavi. Gaaah! NO! Not this. Think on something else! Anything else!

I forcefully jumped up from the couch, stumbling through the unknown living-room towards the window, to rip it open. I even meant to hear the offended sound of the rooms smell, as he left through the window. Looking out over the hustling and bustling down on the market I tried to clear my mind. But my thoughts didn't stop to revolve around what could had happened and what should have been done.

"Hey Vinyl? Everything's OK?" a voice behind me snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Oh Hi!", I avoided the name of my host. "It's been late tonight"
"Nevermind. Woke up myself just yet. Breakfast? Heyyy - you seem down. Overhang?" she grinned, heavy bags under her eyes. But who was I to argue. Wouldn't look any better myself...

"Nah." I turned around, smiled and glanced over the chaos we - that meant Caper-Olive and the bunch of other ponies, just remaining a colorful blur of coats and manes and me had produced.

Caper-Olive cleaned the small table from the remains, producing two cups and a big ceramic jug smelling of fresh coffee.
Together with nachos and dips from the night before we settled down for a perfect after-party-breakfast.

I yawned hearty after the second cup of black steaming goodness.

"Hard night?" Caper said observing me smiling. Tavi said exact this words after - you know - hard nights.

"Yeah.", My mood dropped as I hung my head low. To not get sucked in my own thoughts I said "Nevermind. Tonight will be the same." followed by another hearty yawn.

Olive frowned a bit. "You should sleep it off then."

"Don't worry. Have a perfect plan."

"Well - then...", she smiled over her cup.


There were this sudden attacks of depressed feelings, every few days- since Tavi had left me. Sometime I just let it happen. Mostly it wore off, after I came to an agreement with myself - like promising me extra fun for the night or something. Or even the promise to talk to her sometime in the future. When her friend wasn't around or something.
But sometimes even this didn't help me in the slightest. And this night I had to work - and there was just no way to get ponies in the mood if you didn't feel the vibe yourself.

So my perfect plan lead me in Berryshines shop across the Sugarcube Corners plaza. Shelves full of beverages, bottles, kegs and glass balloons filled with liquors welcomed me, as I walked through the dim lit room. Berry waited behind her dark brown counter, decorated with carvings of grapes and wine-leafs, a genuine smile on her face.
"Hey Vinyl.", she greeted.

"Hi Berry. Need something for tonight." I pointed at the stack of boxed cider bottles. The extra strong one brewed on the Apple farm outside the town.

She hoofed me one bottle, smiling. "Something to celebrate?"

"Maybe." I said, staying vague. Was this a hint of another guilt? Hoof-waving I shove this thought aside. After all I just needed something to get me in the right mood for another hard night of honest work.


* * *


It was about midnight - or early in the evening if you want - in Spring Breezes Disco. The party was running, shouting and dancing ponies occupied the floor and one could tell every jump they made following the beat. I hit the buttons and controllers like a mad organ player. More echoes! More bass! More.... Everything.
I felt the flow - I was in the perfect rush for making music.
Unfortunately I was also really really drunk. Everything I can remember are blurry fragments.

I just didn't get, the annoyed shouts from the floor beneath me, until a shadow was cast upon myself.
And suddenly the noise went quiet. My head perked up, looking at a light green leg, laying on the main controller, connected to an not so fond looking Spring Breeze.

"Gah...", I startled, shivers run through my body.

"You crazy?", he simply said, his face more surprised than angry.

"I...", I felt blood rushing in my head as I realized what had happened. Not professional. Not at all, the somewhat sober part of my mind scolded me. Utilizing Tavi's voice for that matter. I shuddered.

"Hey - No prop.", he frowned for a moment then smiled. "Think you just need a break, don't you?"


I wandered aimlessly along the counter. Didn't know what to think. To be honest, I don't remember if I thought anything at all at this moment. Sometime later a glass with a brown sparkling liquid and a strong alcoholic scent rested in my hoof and I found myself in the chill out bay.
Some ponies sat around and I tried the best to ignore the strange looks they cast on me. I dropped upon a black wet-look leather couch -  dedicated to Amy Whinniehouse as the brass emblem above told -  somewhere in a corner; hiding myself from the others, staring at my glass. A part of me knew, this wasn't good and I should do something. But the bigger part didn't know what and therefore did what I ever did - blame it on somepony else. Springs overreaction, the bucking technique, the lame ponies on the dancefloor.

"Hey Vinyl.", before I even looked up I recognized Berryshines asking voice. "May I take place?"

'No... Just leave me alone!' 

"Sure." I said without much enthusiasm, letting her sit down and placing her lemonade on the table. Funny. Again I saw her just with a foals drink.

"Say. Is everything O.K. with you?", she started after a while.

"Why everypony ask me this? I am fine. I am ready to do anything I want. I... just needed a small break. That's all.", I felt anger building up as I took a deep sip out of my glass. Calmed me a bit.

"No.. nothing. Sorry. Didn't want to bother you.", she lowered hear head looking in her glass.

"Gosh. Why are you here then?" ... my mouth went faster than my brain.

She perked up, obviously surprised.

"Maybe I should go...," she said - 
"Yeah. Maybe." I responded annoyed, rolling my eyes.
- "... and talk to you again when you're sober."

Now it was to me to jolt up. Berry seemed to be surprised from her own words, as she put her hoof before her muzzle, staring with big eyes in my direction.

"Whaddaja say?"I blurte, grabbing off my shades stabbing her with my eyes. I didn't mind the other ponies staring, while I slowly pulled the tablecloth down the table, trying to keep balance.

"You are one different pony, when you are drunk. One I don't like to talk to.", she stepped out of the booth we sat.

Then - the fuse burned.


> Fourth Chapter - Breathe Me
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You remember what I've told you last time... and the time before... and, y'know - the time before?", Spring Breeze gazed me with unnatural narrowed eyes. 
I knew him since... since I landed here in Ponyville. And he was one of my dearest friends. One of my last friends too, if I thought. 

We stood in his small bureau behind the dancefloor. Some old golden records from his time as manager decorated the walls, as a collection of pictures of some really well known musicians. The rest of the small room was stuffed with paper stacks, heaps of folders, feathers and inkwells, a bunch of drawers buried under more paper. In between the chaos his desk towered like a cliff. And curiously it was clean. Old dark wood, a green blotter, two sheets of paper and neatly sorted two quills.
But best of all the desk was sturdy enough to bracing myself on it.

"Yo, Breeze... its j-sst... because.. I had this gosh darning headache this afternoon... And hey - who wants a DJ playing just calm tracks?" I excused myself.

"I told you ... five times now, that you mustn't appear when you are drunk. In the first place I need no DJ who is already blotto when she arrives."

I grabbed my shades. And put them down. Had to hiccup before I could answer.

"What? Hey! That's no fair. You heard the crowd. They had a big heap of fun.", I defended myself now. Gosh he should be thankful. I was the one who was rocking the party here!

"They laughed.", he stated short. Then he hoofed his face slowly. "Didn't you see?..." the following sentence was not so loud - he spoke more to himself.
"No. Not in your condition.", then again to me "Gosh. They laughed - about you!"

I gasped in shock. No. Nonono. That couldn't be probably true.

"Lissten. I am mm DJ Pon3. I am the damnenest hot DJ you could have...", holding my shades I pointed my hoof at him. But he cut me short.

"Anyway. But starting a fight with one of my guests - this is just off limits.", he responded, sounding cold. Gosh... I didn't want to shout at Berry. I didn't meant to be like that.

It's said you don't remember things you have done while complete drunk. Maybe I wasn't filled up enough. Because I can remember. Maybe not every little detail. But all the yells, the insults, while Berryshine was just walking backwards. I even know, that I pushed her one time, letting her stumble. Unlike me, she kept her balance, stepped out of the way and I fell. Other guests were over me, before I could get back up.
I bucked and screamed, cursed Berryshine's name and called her things, I really want to un-say now. Or at least to un-think.

"Vinyl...", Springs voice and his look were stern alike. "Vinyl. I gave you chances. One after another. BECAUSE I know you could be the best DJ around. Because I know, you have so damn much potential. Because I am your friend. But..."

Shit. This was not good. This But felt like the blade of a guillotine, short before the executioner pulls the rope.

"But... I just can't let you work here any longer."

For a moment I was frozen. Then drop by drop the words of Breeze seeped in my groggy mind.

"You can't fire me!" I yelled. I dropped my shades and had nearly smashed them under my hoof, as I jumped half over the desk, bracing myself upon my forelegs and looked him in the eyes.

"I pay you for this evening. Even if it was a complete disaster. And then, I want you to go. I am sorry. And I'm serious."


In hindsight it was maybe a dumb idea to get the coin purse Breeze had given me and smash it against his head, just to rush out of his disco.
But after all - it was not the biggest mistake I had done so far. It was just one fail in an ocean of fails.
My whole life had become one living nightmare.

I don't looked at my surroundings, my head hung low. So I just realized sometime that my hooves didn't touch cobblestone any more. The road has changed to hard trampled dirt. Looking up I recognized that I had gotten lost.
I stood in a dark backyard. And like any backyard it was the complete opposite of the nice streets in front of the buildings.
The houses surrounded the place tight - only two paths left it. The one I had come from and a second one across the small plaza. Just a few narrow windows gazed from the walls and any of them were dark. The place itself was decayed. Litter boxes near the back doors. A tree - worn out like the rest of the place stretched his branches to the sky. Some last leafs waved in the chill wind, but refusing to let go and fall down.
Perfect - after all I managed to lose my way in a town like Ponyville.

But it didn't matter - as I hadn't anywhere to go. I didn't had any chance to ask one of my friends to stay over night. And - I dropped under the tree, leaning myself against its old trunk - probably the guys in the disco weren't as much friends as I thought of them. They had laughed - about me. I was a joke for them. The binge-drunken DJ...
Gosh. Summer Breezes words had hurt me. And now - here was nopony, besides me. No reason to hide my feelings. No reason to lie to myself. I felt heat in my face. And a burning pain. Shit. No! I wouldn't cry.

I pulled my saddlebags - my home after all - from my back and started to search. I had to be faster then this devastating feeling to be an absolute useless heap of horse-apples. I knew if I just got a bit of my confidence back, then I would rock the party again. I just needed....
I felt glass under my hoof. Cautious I grabbed the bottle and brought it to the light. Moonshine! Yes. This evening demanded for more then simple cider. Liquid hope. I heard the small voice inside of me crying to stop. Yes. Yes I would stop. After this time. I just needed something to calm my nerves. To put me together. Then I could solve all my problems - and then I would stop. But this day was just, too damn much.
I reasoned - after all it was winter. The nights were cold, even if there was no snow at the moment. In fact - I should search for shelter. But in my pathetic condition, I couldn't even ask. No. Just one sip to calm down...

The stuff burned in my throat, alongside with the repellent feeling from my stomach. But I was used to it and knew it would wear off. Yes - this was exactly what I needed now. Just a few minutes peace. Distance to all this mess. Just readying for a new start.
Gosh darn it - to whom I was lying? I was nothing then a slouch. Tears dreaded to well again. More stuff! Shit. I didn't want to slide THIS way. I needed to ease my mind. To prepare for a new start tomorrow...
Yeah - a new start, like today, yesterday, the day before...
Another sip of the burning substance.
But at least I didn't have to think on Octavia. She would be proud of me - lying in the dirt, drinking.... No. Nono! Noooo!

In an attack of anger I tossed the bottle away. I don't know what happened in the next time. It got lost in a blur of painful feelings, self accusations and tears. I fell in this dark hole surrounded by imagination and memories. There was no way to fall any deeper, besides actually dying.


* * *


Today would be our half-year anniversary and I felt happier than the last weeks. Tune had much to do and was tired when he came home in the evenings. No good time to talk. But today was different. Weekend. So he would have a good nights-rest today.

Perfect for my plan. I had left our apartment short after him and walked straight to the market. Apples, carrots, a bunch of assorted flowers. Daisies - my favourite - and Tulips - his favourite. And fresh hay. You know, instant fried haynests may be easy - but its an art to make them oneself. And they were way better.
I couldn't deny, that cooking was a passion of mine.

And maybe the meal could help Tune out of his bad mood, he had the last days. I felt a bit worried by this thought. He had changed. We were used to talk and discuss. Sometimes the whole night through - like on our first meeting. But the last weeks must have been arduous for my coltfriend. He was ever less often in the mood to talk. Cut me short, said he was to tired... I hoped it wasn't anything serious.
I suppressed this uneasy thought - tonight he would have some nice food and a weekend in sight. This would brighten his mood for certain. Maybe I could convince him to do something on the weekend. Hiking in the woods. The weather was adorable in winter. Cold, though but it was nice to see snow covering the trees and cover the world in its white blanket.

Suddenly I saw a white unicorn walking along the street - a bit out of earshot. Vinyl. Dear Celestia... I hadn't seen her since... since the day I packed my stuff and moved out of our house. I had heard gossip about her.
Drinking to much. Annoying ponies. I sighed low. I knew she wouldn't get grip of her life. I knew it was just a matter of time for her to fall from grace. For a moment I felt the dire urge to run after her. Maybe to talk to her. Just to make sure she was O.K.
But... what would Tune say to this. He had made his point clear. This pony could just draw me down. She was not good for me. Pondering I saw her wander off around a corner and out of sight.
With the lingering feeling to have missed a chance I made my way home.

The rest of the day I was to busy to think about anything other. 
Smiling I prepared my special Apple-Carrot casserole - a recipe my mom had learned me and reminds me every time on her. Then I made up Sandwiches with Daisies and Tulips, garnished with a fresh herb-mustard sauce. Then I weaved the haynests. They were just nicer than plain hayfries. But nopony seems to appreciate the art behind it. I would fry them, when Tune came home.
At last I decorated the table - candles, a vase with a colorful bouquet of flowers. My good porcelain. Yeah - I knew - to much for a merely half-year-celebration. But I was pretty sure that I could top it at the full year.

Then I went to my practice . Another thing I wanted to surprise Tune with. The Canterlot Music Garden Festival was to happen in about three months. Right after Winter Wrap Up. And I had made up a composition, I was really proud of. After all my second very own creation.
I was sure to win with my work. I would impress the audience and all of the great artists gathering beneath Canterlot Castle. And it was said even the Princesses listened to the music played there.
It started fast - nearly to fast for a cello. But hey - there had to be a bit of a challenge.
Sunken in my music I didn't hear the door.
I jolted up as Tunes voice sounded.

"Hi honey. I am home."

I jumped up on an instant, headed for him hugged and nuzzled him.

"Surprise. I've made dinner.", I beamed.

"Oh. Aha. Uhm... that's nice of you.", he loosened the hug a bit to quick for my taste.

"Somethings wrong?" I asked.

"No. Fine. Everything's fine. But... Y'know, I fetched food on the way here. I didn't want to bother you with cooking this evening.", he scratched his neck.

"Oh.", my happy glee dissolved. "Now... then... maybe later? Or tomorrow?" No. I felt like crying in this moment. Gosh.

"Sorry, Octy. It smells really nice and so. Yeah. Later. Ok?" Then it happened. He just walked off. Not that I had insisted for him to .. I don't know .. hug me at least, or show a bit interest. Or anything.
Slowly I walked back to the kitchen, cleaned the table, putted back the plates and glasses. I had lost my appetite, too. Tomorrow would be better...
Later I found him lying on the couch in the living room, reading obviously a letter.

"Is everything alright Cello? You seem worried..."

Without looking up from his letters he spoke.

"Just some conversation with the Hoofington Orchestra. They want to see me next week."

"Oh. That's nice. Its just a short trip by train. So you don't need to move out."

"Tavi, my bow - this just is it... I miss the city. Living here in this celestia-forsaken one-horse town..." he sighed, turning his head towards me. I felt relieved that he at least looked at me.

"I know. I know. And - if you want to go away, I will be with you," I breathed deep. I would follow him. To the end of the world and beyond. But... this celestia-forasken one-horse town had become my home. All my friends lived here. And it was so green and full of live. I just didn't want to think about the possibility of leaving Ponyville.

"And further... The Hoofington Orchestra. Gosh. I don't see much chances for a career there. Why did I even wrote them? Its like... like the Appeloosa square-dance-band. I mean, which important pony would see me there?"

I sighed. I knew his point about lesser prestigious things. He wanted to be famous.

"Would you be angry, if we change the theme?", I smiled.

"What would you talk about?", he gazed back at the sheet of paper in his hoof.

"I... I've written another music-piece." Normally I had waited - but I just wanted to cheer Tune up a bit.

"The one you practiced when I came?", he asked monotonous.

"Yeah. I mean yes.", I beamed. "Its challenging and I have to work on it..."

"I wondered. I didn't knew it." he said, sitting up on the couch.

"You.. don't like it?" my smile faded. Why... did he talk this way? Why was he so harsh?

"No. Its fine. Really. But... are you sure you want to write music? I mean..."

"What?", I looked at him. But he avoided my face.

"I mean you are good and all. But nopony knows you. There are much more famous composers out there. So nopony will listen to your piece."

"I think a few will like it," maybe he didn't notice how he hit me with his words.

"Oh, Bow - you know I love you for your defiance. But please - be serious. Be reasoned. You wont get any fame out of it. Its an unnecessary work. Don't burden yourself with such reverie. I just want to help you."

"How could you say so?", my voice cracked and I felt a lump building in my throat.

"Look Tavi... I am about to find a place in a good orchestra for you and me alike. You are a very good cellist. This is your special talent. So why make things harder? You.. you can get back to composing when you are established. When your name is not unknown any longer. When your work makes a difference for ponies. Then you may compose as much as you want."

I breathed deep. But he wasn't done.

"And... sorry to say so. But this work of yours is a bit.. strange. Not bad... but... off." he sounded soft. And I knew he didn't mean it in a bad way. But... his words burned inside me. I nodded and trotted off. Put myself in the music-room.

Saw my notices, my cello. But I just don't felt like practicing anymore.

Later that night I cuddled myself on Tunes side, his foreleg around my back. I embraced the loose hug and just tried to don't think about what he said before.
It was no fight. Just a normal disagreement. Every couple would have something like that the one or another time.
He ... was probably right. Yeah. How did I think I was anyway? No... I shouldn't think so of myself. But... I had to work harder. I would show him. Proof that I could do this. Maybe then his mood would get better.
> Fifth Chapter  - Fix You
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if it was pure luck or something other than that. But I didn't freeze to death in this shady, shabby backyard.
Most of the things happened there I gladly couldn't remember. Lots of sobbing, wailing and curling up to a ball of sorrow.
The first thing I clearly can remember was a pink hoof reaching out for me.

"Oh gosh! Here you are!" a female voice I knew from somewhere. The shame burned, knowing someone I probably knew saw me in this state.

"Go away," I drawled. I just didn't want to be seen like this. This failure I had become, this looser unable to keep herself together.

"No!" the pony attached to the pink hoof simply said. It doesn't sound hateful or amused. Neutral, or more concerned. As if anypony was interested in me. Gosh.

"Suit yourself," I muttered, tears welling again in my eyes.

She lowered her body besides me. After a while it felt uncomfortable for me and I looked at her. Pink coat, burgundy mane. I didn't need to see her cutie mark. It was a bunch of grapes and a strawberry. Berryshine.

"What?" I stared at her. Shocked. What was she going to do now? Just moments - or hours ago, I tried to attack her. To hurt her... "Glad about what you see?"

"You seem... as you have a problem," she started blunt. But she caught me in the right state with this.

"Oh. Is that so obvious?" I flailed my hooves against the sky.

"No need to be sarcastic," she simply said.

I tried to give a smart answer. But a wave of bitterness washed over me.
"I ... I am the worst failure ever. I messed up just everything. Lost my house, my job and... horseapples....," the rest got drowned in sobbing.
Suddenly I felt a hoof at my back.

"You are no failure," she tried to calm my rampaging feelings.

"How could you say so? Everything I touch changes to horseapples. You were there this night!" I tried, but it took a while to calm down.

She nodded. But then a smile appeared on her face.

"For example: I like your music. you are one creative pony. So you can't be such a failure."

"Keep it. Please. I haven't done anything since months. Besides new, creative insults for you."

Berry waited another few moments, studying me. She didn't say anything, but her hoof caressed my back, very soft.

"Didn't make any new music, since I had to left my home...," I said after a while.

"Wanna talk now?" she asked, very carefully.

"Gosh! Is this some kind of interrogation? Its obvious. No home y'know. No place to plug in my bass-cannon," I knew that was just the half of the truth.

"I don't buy that. If you had wanted to do something you had found a place to work," Oh. She seemed to know, too. Berryshine shifted her head to the side and waited.

"It all ran downhill since Octavia dumped me," The words were faster then my brain again. Nothing special, as my mind felt like syrup. But this time the better half of my brain had taken the opportunity to do something smarter then to hurt Berry again with words.

For some reason I felt eased by spilling the beans. I told her about my lazy behaviour, Octavias calm but broken voice. Her final words...
The feeling of emptiness in my... in our house. The empty room, her short appearance with her new coltfriend - just to gather her stuff and her rushing off.
And about every mistake and failure I made after that. Drinking. Not caring for anything but the next evening...
Yeah - it was like I don't wanted to accomplish something. Like I needed to fail. Like it just didn't matter any more.

Berry didn't leave me alone the whole time I talked. She didn't interrupt, but every time I looked up to her, she just sat there with a honestly interested look on her face. She even hugged me at the end.

"Now you know it," I closed.

"Gosh. I heard this and that about you and Octavia. But... this is worse than I feared."

"Thanks..." I sneered.

After a pause she spoke again.

"What are you going to do now?"

"Dunno," Right. I had no answer. I just didn't know what to do. Drinking myself to death would be an option... "I am done. There is nowhere to go for me from here."

"Now you are talking nonsense. There is a way every time," Berryshine didn't sound understanding or calming any more. Her voice had gotten a firm tone.

"If you say so..."

"Its about you. Its about what you WANT to do."

"Does wanting to sit here and lament count?" I rolled my eyes.

"If this is really what you need...," I didn't see this coming.

"Tartaros - NO! Are you kidding?" Then I realized what she had done. I began to think about my situation. Not only to cry. But... it was hopeless. Even if I wanted to do something about my mess of a life...

"There is no point in it," I said, "I can't... I ... there is no chance. And even if there would be something... I just mess it up again. I couldn't take it..."

"So... you can't do it for you - as you see yourself as the mess you are at this moment?" Berry looked at me thoughtfully.

"Yeah. Look - I was a complete jerk and unable to do anything right... besides making music. I am just a bucking one-trick-pony. Without... without Tavi I... and and I just treated her like... Gosh. And I treated you... You see what I am?"

"You feel guilty. You think you deserve this?" she said in a questioning tone.

I thought a moment about this. "Yeah."

"Then do something about it. Change. Grow. Ascend."

"Hah! You talking like some psychologist. For what? Even If I -" I parroted her voice "- Change. Grow. Ascend - it won't bring Tavi back."

"No. Propably not. But it would help yourself. And if you can't help yourself for your selfes sake. Then - do it for her."

"What?" I gazed her like a ghost, while a new kind of thought seeped in my mind.

"Do it for her. Be the pony you think she has deserved. I think... you owe her that at least. Lets say as some kind of apology."

I didn't answer. Because I just didn't know what to say. The words lingered in my mind and I examined them from every angle. I realized that Berryshine stood up and turned to walk away. I was too much captured in my own thoughts.

"Do you come?" I probably heard even her second or third call for me.

"What?"

"You won't do anything if you freeze to death tonight. So come on. Lets go home."

Confused I stood up, followed her. Her words still held me captive.


* * *


I awoke with the first rays of the morning sun. And I couldn't even remember to have slept this well in quite a while. Somehow I felt better. Way better. Even the headache wasn't as evil as I had feared. Maybe t'was a good thing to get rid of the moonshine.
After all the days I could see something like a goal. Like a way before me. My mind was going postal with all the thoughts and ideas.

I got up from the couch I was lying. Glanced over the small cozy living-room with its dark bookshelves the open brick-built fireplace and the warm, welcoming yellow toned walls. A clattering sound was to be heard from the open pathway to the kitchen.

"Oh. You're awake," Berry greeted smiling as I stood in the door.

"Yeah," I smiled back. "But... tell me one thing... I mean its not polite to ask one who helped you... But, why did you do that?"

"You mean besides the obvious: That I won't let anypony down wwich is in dire need of help? Wait a moment," I recognized that her sunny mood lowered a bit. She got serious. Gosh I didn't want to make her feel bad because of me...

"You all right?.. I am sorry...," I frowned.

"Its good. I would have told you anyway," with this words she paced through the kitchen, entered the living-room and walked towards one of the shelves. Berry grabbed a small black box from the top and opened it.
Inside I saw a heavy silver coin. It was no bit or any other currency I knew. Then I recognized... It was....

"One year now. No drop alcohol. Its a reminder for my success and a warning to never give up the fight," my mouth stood agape. Then, after a brief pause she continued, without reacting to my face. "You know - there are rules attached to this coin. From being honest to oneself up to apologize to anyone you harmed."

It took a while before I could answer. Myriads of questions and thoughts ran through my mind. Why didn't I see... after all I knew her for a long while now...

"I didn't know...," I swallowed.

Berry smiled and as far as I could see it was no fake.

"Apologizing to anyone you harmed doesn't mean to hang a lantern on it. The ones who need to know, knew now. And I have decided to let you know too. Because there is another thing. It's no hard rule, more a guideline. If possible you should help another one."

"But I have no drinking probl....," confused I looked up.

"You lost your job. And I've seen you drunk more often than sober the last weeks. And believe me. I have a keen eyes for things like this. No. You propably are no alcoholic by now. But the way you were on, had lead you there surely sooner than later. And you can't deny you have a problem, right?"

"Yeah...," I grinned faintly.

"I was a bit like you. I destructed myself bit by bit. And I didn't see a reason to help myself either. But someone told me the same I told you. I did it for my husband and my filly. Meanwhile I do it for myself, though. But without anything to hold on I probably hadn't pulled it.

"Gosh," I didn't knew what to say... again. I felt how oblivious I was to others in the past. I knew Berry since a long time. She is a regular guest in the clubs I play. And yeah - I never saw her with something spiced.

"So after this - how about breakfast?" she beamed.


> Sixth Chapter - Valentine's Day is over
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The hardest part had been to be serious and honest to myself. To make decisions - real decisions and stick to them. Berry was kind enough to let me stay at her place. I knew if I started to hang out with the same guys as before, every try to get out of this mess was in vain. Not that my friends - or the ponies I hung out with - were evil or something. They probably didn't have any problems with partying and drinking the nights through. But they had a live, parents nearby, friends and relations, which keep them sane. Besides Berryshine now I had nothing this way. So I stuck with her for the next time.

She even offered me a job at her shop - even if she watched carefully I didn't anything dumb with her stuff.
But at least this was not the big problem. I could be some ass of a pighead. Staying away from Berrys booze was easier then expected. So I stacked boxes and shelves and such. Nothing comparable to flipping records - but everything was better then the time before.

"Hey Vinyl.", Vinyl came down the stairs from the apartment, right as I paused with a bottle of apple juice, leaning on the decorative barrel amidst the shop. I looked up to see her waving with the newspaper.
"I think I have found something you could be interested in." she smiled, closed the distance and dropped the paper atop the keg.

I glanced over the classifieds, not sure what she wanted from me. Jobs? No. Didn't think she wanted me to go. Pets? Lost and Found? No.... Then my gaze got caught at the rentals.

"Mixing station?" I whispered and gazed in her gleefully nodding face. I... dreamt about making music again. Why did she know? I didn't mention it....

"I hear you humming the whole time. And you clopping beats with your hooves, every time you feel unobserved... but, the ceiling is not very soundproof..." I felt heat in my face.

"I..." I started.

"No... nothing to excuse here. Don't worry. But after all - Wubs are your special talent. Cutting you off from it, won't help you." she said, now more serious.

"Yeah. Can't get it out of my head. There is music in there, wanting out. It's like ... you know - needing to pee..." Yeah.. none of my better wordings I guess. But Berry just snickered. "But.. look - its too expensive. How should I afford this?"

"Oh - this is easy. I take the half of the costs." she said with a certain tone.

"No! I can't accept that. Impossible! After all you have done for me..." I stared at her, gasping.

"After all I have done for you? Most of the things you have done yourself. I gave you a shove in the right direction maybe. And I helped you to start. And after all - you work very well here. So consider it just a raise." Even if she smiled again, her words sounded really serious. But...

"What could I say?", I swallowed. Making music again! There was not much more I wanted. At least nothing I could realistically get.

"Maybe 'thank you'?" Berry looked at me.

"Thank... Thank you. Ooooh. I...", I tackled her in a hug. And I swear I didn't cry! ... at least no one saw it.


* * *


I was about to preparing dinner - again. Since the ... last time, I stayed away from making it in secret. I had asked Tune beforehand. Now, what should I say. Not every pony liked surprises. But at least he was reliable. And he seemed to be really happy with my offer. Candles, casserole in the oven. This time would get perfect.
Why had Tune changed that way? I mean - the first months of our relationship he was so... cool, so gentle and all. Even spontaneous. OK - he was spontanous. I never tried to be, that time. And the first time I wanted to surprise him - had backfired badly.
Pondering I walked back in the kitchen. Had bought some noble wine. Hopefully Blue would at least don't mind this surprise.
Wine from Berryshine. Funny thing there. I had headed for her shop early in the morning. And I could swear to have seen Vinyl in the back room. Or probably some helper of Berry with the same white coat and blue mane. Because I just couldn't believe that someone like Vinyl Scratch would apply for serious work.
While preparing the table I couldn't do anything but think on the past times with her. She had been so random, so oblivious. Now everything was determined. No strange things happened. No... burnt furniture. And... no surprises any more.

I sighed.

The doorbell rung and I lifted my head from the bottle I had stared, lost in my memories.

"Hi Octavia. Let's see - One letter for Mr. Blue Tune, some advertises.... nope - that's all." Derpy, our mailmare hoofed me a bag of paper and a small package, tipped her cap and turned around. The grey, blond maned mare with her somewhat strange wall eyed look trotted off. I flipped through the ads, ready to dump them right away in the paper-bin. But then my eyes caught something. A resemblance of the Royal coat of arms. At the second look, it seemed just to be another advertise, trying to get attention by using regal symbols. But then I recognized what it was.



"And I said NO!", I never had witnessed him this upset. He stand in front of me in our cozy small living room. Moments ago I had showed him an application form for the Royal Garden Showcase in Canterlot. The form was part of the invitation for every singer, musician or instrument player in the region.

"Tune... Cello..." I heard my own voice trembling. I had waited with the letter since after the dinner. He had arrived a bit later than usual and seemed a tired. But his mood had risen since I showed him the prepared table and even more after he had taken the first bit of my food. So I thought it would be safe to ask him.

"I already said - I don't like surprises. More so, if I the surprise itself is ridiculous!" he said with an angry growl.

"Tune... I dreamt of playing at the Royal Garden Showcase for... years." I held the piece of paper in my hoof like a child, hoping for a parents sign under it. "What is the big deal? I mean it is a showcase - its no competition. I play just for the audience and myself."

"That's exactly the point. Its no competition. So where is the reason to play there? Do you hope that a producer will become aware of you? What do you want to play anyway?" he stepped away from me, avoiding my face while he talked.

"I have prepared a piece extra for an opportunity like this." I felt challenged by him.

"Ah. Your... experimental composition you practice the whole time?" I heard the annoyance in his voice. Every single word burnt.
After all -  even if it wasn't Clopin, it was my work.

"Do... do you really think so? Is it that bad?" My voice trembled even more as I felt the sting. 

"Tavi... Tavi. Bow. Listen - There are just nobles and royalty there. Its the most harsh audience you can think of - "

"No." I interrupted, feeling angry myself now "Not only. There are guests from all over Equestria there. This is my chance to - "

" - Drown!" his voice got a tad too loud. "And you know I hate to get interrupted. So listen Tavi: You won't do anything good for you. There you are just one out of many musicians. And even if its no competition per say; judges, audience and managers will be there. You don't have the slightest chance to shine. At best no one recognizes you there. At the worst your name gets stained with your poor performance there."

"Gosh - is this everything you can think of? Its not all about competition or career.", I shivered in pain and anger. "What is your problem? That it isn't your plan? That I have ideas on my own?"

"Ah. Now its me. Yeah? Is it that?", he yelled. "You are an ungrateful little princess! You want to get whatever you wish for. You don't think at all the things I do for you. And moreover - the Showcase is in two weeks. We are probably gone then."

"Oh you! You are so eager to leave Ponyville. But... even if you have an application for an orchestra right now - It would take longer than two weeks to leave." I yelled back. Gosh he was crazy about leaving the town. I knew he would move away yesterday rather then now. But... this was hilarious!"

"So? I have sent another wave of applications, called some ponies in high places. We have to be prepared every moment. And you should stay focussed to your career. It is not MY job to get you a job!", he had turned around.

"Ah. At least you look at me?" - I steamed from anger now - "But you have made it your bucking job to manage MY career. I don't have to say anything in your planing."

"Yeah. And do you know why?!" he glared at me with narrowed eyes. "You showed it. Because you don't mind it the slightest bit. If you were in charge, we would sitting here forever. In this celestiaforsaken town! If I didn't do your work, we wouldn't came anywhere. I cannot leave you unwatched for one afternoon - just because you have another of your dreamy nonsense-ideas."

"You...", I felt how me hooves and legs got cold, while heat shot in my head "You are obsessed with your great plan of life. You... control-freak! You...", the rest of my rant got cut short. An explosion of pain overwhelmed me and it took a sheer eternity to realize what had happened.

I saw Tunes risen hoof, his face distorted in rage before he hit me the second time. Suddenly my anger had vanished. I didn't feel the burning pain at this moment, but just an endless weakness in my limbs. I stood shocked.
What.. What had I done?

"Tune.. I..."

He seemed to be horrified too.

"Sorry. I ... I didn't want to do that." His hoof twitched while he stared between me and his leg.

"I...", I started to cry. Faltered direct before him and sobbed. "Sorry. Sorry Tune."

I had gone to far. Had got carried away by my feelings.

"No.. its OK... I had a stressful day I... really didn't want to hurt you." after a brief break he spoke, silently now.  "And I am about to find you a job... I felt betrayed and was worried. But... Me is the one who as to ask for forgiveness..," I jerked, as I felt his hoof at my back. I tried to relax.

"You may go." he finally said.

I registered his words. And I knew I should feel joy. But.... 
> Seventh Chapter - Feels so Different
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a bright cloudless day, the streets of Canterlot laying before me. Despite the anxiety before the big event I had slept better then the most nights before. Berryshine had given me the day off, off course. After all it was her idea. And she was right.
It doesn't matter how the day would go. It doesn't matter which place I would take. It doesn't even matter if I get any place at all. I already had won! I had made it. From the deepest darkest hole I ever had fallen, back to the top.
Tartarus, not even the snooty Canterlot High Society could unnerve me today.
I saw the banners and advertises for the grand showcase in the palace gardens. And I was part of it. My (sadly still just lent) equip had been delivered to my booth at the festival. But I had much to much time at my hooves, so I just strolled through narrow alleys or crossed nice plazas, surrounded by cafés or market stalls, erected for the grand party.

My turn would be sometime in the evening. Like most musicians of my genre I preferred the night for my show. Hey - it seems Princess Luna could rejoice. Nowadays the night wasn't the time, the ponies shunned and slept any longer. More than enough of them embraced her precious night today.

Somehow my hooves led me back to the gardens. It was a music showcase after all. And even if the genre played at this hour, wasn't my cup of tea, it was interesting to hear, what the others had to offer. Just entered the park, I heard the sounds, which led my towards the centre stage.

A young white unicorn with green hair played violin. Like Bethooves fifth, played on three screaming cats. But hey - nopony was born a master. And even if the performance was far from perfect, she had at least earned respect for trying. Yeah. The audience didn't seemed much intrigued. No cheering, no party and less than average amount of dancing. But I knew. This had to be this way with classic music. Another reason, why I didn't like it.

My eyes glanced over the rows of ponies waiting for their turn. Combos with instruments stood together chatting. Soloists, anxious looks on their faces. A grey earth pony with a cello, not far from the stage entrance.
No! Gosh! I shuddered and stumbled a step, bumping in one of the classic-fans in the last row, earning annoyed hissing.

"Sorry.", I mumbled, correcting my shades, without even thinking about it. Octavia.
I hadn't seen her for... how long? Three months? Ten years? My whole live?

Shit. I trembled and had to lean against a tree. My heart puckered. But why? After all I hadn't to do anything with her. We had ended our friendship long ago. And today I knew the reasons. Every single reason why it had happened. So she had lived her life - with her new special stallion. And I had found a way out of the misery my life had become after the breakup. We didn't have anything in common.
But why did it hit me this strong, seeing her?

I knew the answer. I knew it the whole time, but I had swallowed it. Tried to forget it. Because she was the damn reason why I had changed. I had it done for her. Maybe it was just a story for myself, to set me straight. Because I had valued myself to less. So I dedicated all I had done to her. To have a reason to move on. Even if I hadn't see Tavi in all the time. But now - she was here.
What should I do? Approaching her - just to feel her rejection. Octavia had less than no reason to like me, or even to look at me. I had let her down many times. To often to count. Maybe I had changed. At least a bit. I knew. But if she ignored me or refused to talk - what reason should I have then to stay on my way? Gosh darn it.

I pondered. At least I should apologize. This was one crucial step as Berry had told me. Yes. I would go to her. Apologize and explain what happened to me. Maybe she had no reason to like me. But at least she should know that I am sorry for what I have done to her. It wouldn't matter if she forgave me. As long as she knew. I believed every word I said to myself.

I looked up, searching for her in the crowd. As I found her, she wasn't alone. And something seemed off.


* * *


My emotions drove roller coaster. On one hoof I was lucky to stand here, backstage, waiting for my performance. I embraced listening to the other musicians. But on the other hoof I hated myself for letting Blue down. It was some kind of betrayal on him. We had another fight in the evening. But at least I could convince him to let me go. I had begged him. Kneeling. He wasn't lucky at all. But after all he allowed me to do this. I felt bad. Maybe he was right. After the showcase I had to head home, pack and went by train in the very morning to arrive in Manehatten on time. And this night I won't get much sleep either.
What if my play was to bad for the orchestra? What if my pride robbed me of my only chance to make it to the top. And then there was this lingering feeling to see Ponyville never again if I entered the train. Sure - it would take time to plan the movements. And the audition didn't mean I could start at the orchestra right away. It would take a few weeks before I really had to leave. Time enough to bid my farewells to my friends.

I let my eyes float. So many ponies sat before the stage. Applauding polite. They seemed like a experienced audience. A bit stiff but courteous. So if I didn't botch the play, I could embrace their applause. I sighed lowly. I knew I should have been more relaxed. Or at least eager to play. But all the sorrows weighted so heavy. I didn't want to let down Tune. He had done so much for me. And he had so much stress the last weeks - all for me and my career. I should have been more thankful I think. Yes - he had hit me again. But... I think it wasn't alone his fault. And I knew this would stop, once I had attended the orchestra. I knew he didn't want to hit me after all. It was just his nerves. To much at once. And I couldn't give in too.

"Hi Dear.", Tunes deep voice sounded right behind me and I startled. Concentrating on the crowd of ponies before me I just ignored my back.

"Oh. Hi Tune." I turned my head. Tune seemed calm. But with a sad face. Instantly my mood dropped. I didn't want to see him sad. Seeing him sad could mean to see him angry later. "Everything OK?" I asked - hopefully neutral.

"Sure. Everything's fine. I have called the intendant once again," his voice grew darker "I have rescheduled your audition by a week. Was the only way. No other appointments left open. And, before you ask, he wasn't very pleased with your lack of compassion."

I felt my mouth gaping open, while I stared at Tune. "I... I never asked you to do this... I mean we had planned all this - and there is enough time" I stuttered. Why by Celestia he had called in Manehatten?

"Gosh! Just Shut up! I had enough trouble for today. If you could just appreciate what I am doing for you. Only for ONE TIME!"

The words stung. Somewhere between heart and lung. And a lump build up my throat. I could see it in his eyes. His mood was bad again. I had make feel him bad. And I could see the glimpse of anger in his face. 

"I..." My mouth went dry, while sweat built up on my forehead.

"No. No apologies! Just shut up. If you can't think for your self, then just keep your mouth shut."

Why did he he do this? I felt the glaring looks of the other musicians burning. What would they think of me now?

"You said I could go." I sounded weak and felt tears welling up once again. He knew I never would make him feel bad. Not intentionally. But... he has allowed me... Shit. No. No crying in front of all this ponies.

"Yes - because you have begged and begged and made a fool out of yourself. I had hoped you'll come to your mind over night. But NO! Little miss Cellist had to follow the nice bubbles in her head."

"Don't..", I begged again, turning my head away.

"Don't what? Telling you what you are? A selfish, bubbly little foal, feather-headed enough to spoil the best chance of your shitty life? Gosh Octavia! This one opportunity. The only one - and you let slip it for... for what?"

"I dreamt playing here since..." the rest of what I wanted to say was drowned ins sobbing. Shit how pathetic. I just wanted to play at this summit for so long.

"Oh. Yes. And now crying. Gosh you are embarrassing! You know that? Just grow up. And now - come on. Lets go home. Maybe I can call in Manehatten... again. After this performance of yours, you surely don't want to go up there?
He hoofed towards the stage. More and more ponies got attention of what happened.

"N..no.", I answered weak. I really can't remember why I had dissented.

"See. Now come!" he barked.

"No. I don't want to come. I want to... stay," I felt every ounce of composure melt. It just was a question of seconds before I would follow him. But I didn't get the seconds.

"What? Just... stop being stupid. Don't make a show. Come on!", he yelled now. Then, before I could react I felt his grip on my mane, pulling me forwards. I lost balance, stumbled forward.

"Hey! Stop it. You hurting me!", I screamed - more in shock than anything else. I heard voices. The other musicians had finally chosen to intervene.

"Mister - let go of the lady, or I call the guard!", the voice belonged to one of the violinists back in the row. Others mumbled and I felt some hooves helping to stabilize me. Tunes grip loosened.

"Stop it. I just want to save this prissy bitch from her own stupidity!" His words hurt more than his hoof.

"Please.... don't don't say that. I love you and..."

"SHUT UP! If I think about it... fuck you. You heard! FUCK YOU. If you want to live the rest of your life here. Then FINE!" It was like a dagger to my chest.

"No! No! I want.. to."

"BE QUITE." ...the dagger pierced deeper... 

"I love you!", tears welled of my eyes, made my view blurry

"I BUCKING HATE YOU! You and your shitty attitudes." ... and got turned around in the wound, just to...

"No! You don't mean that! We... we can fix this. I'll come with you. Lets... lets talk", pain and panic let me shudder.

"GOSH DARN IT. NO Its over. I had enough trouble. Stay in your hicksville. Die there! I am out of here." ... finally get ripped out of my chest, leaving me faltering, dying.

No. Everything but that! Please! I struggled free from the surrounding ponies, dashed behind Blue Tune.

"Please! Don't go. I...", then he hit me. I felt fiery pain in my muzzle. My body became weak and limb I cried in pain. In shock.

Then out of nowhere:

"YOU STOP IT!", I heard another voice. Female. Strong. And very very pissed. "If you lay your hoof on her... We don't need the guard. But YOU will need a medic. Understood?!"

I laid on the ground, sobbing and crying. It took a few moments before I realized to whom the voice belonged. She... reached out with her foreleg to help me.

"Come up.", her voice was calm and friendly. I grabbed the hoof and I braced myself up. Tears fogged my sight, so I could just get an impression of white blue and magenta before me.
Blue Tune was nowhere to be found.

"Vinyl?"

"Everything OK?" I heard her ask. Concern in her voice.

Dumb question. My friend had dumped me in front of a few hundred ponies, the fight was the most embarrassing thing ever... But no.. I scolded myself. She meant my muzzle. She hoofed me a handkerchief and I cleared my eyes from the tears. Some driblets of blood were on it.

"Think so." Reality hit me like a hammer. No more Blue Tune. No more his smile in the morning. No more his little presents. No more his reassuring self. Again I cried. But this time I felt one leg around me, securing me. Sobbing and tearing I let Vinyl led me away from the scene.


* * *


"Nothing to worry about. Just a little blood vessel inside your muzzle. Should heal in no time," The doctors look darkened. "But there is another thing I want to talk - if you allow." I nodded. I knew what had to come.
"Haematoma on your face. Some older than others. Since when do you suffer violence from your..." - "Ex!" I answered dry.

"Good to hear," he stated. But instead of seconding him I started to cry again. "It was not his fault. If I..."

"Miss. I must dissent on this. Maybe a relationship could go rough. Maybe there are disagreements. And the heavens know even between me and my wife there were spoken some improvident words. But there is no excuse for violence. Never."

After he had hoofed me some absorbent wool for my nostril, I walked off his office. The words still lingering in my mind. But where did it went wrong? Somehow the wool smelled sweet. Like cotton candy. No.. it had a remembrance on Sugarcube Corner. Where we had met first. Shit. Another wave of feelings rushed over me, let me weep.

"Tavi? You're all right? What did the doc say?", again Vinyl lend me a hoof. Moments later we sat on a waiting bench in the hospitals entrance. Instead of answering I tried to intone the one question bothering me the whole time: "Vinyl... why did you help me?"

"Gosh... just because we are no friends any more, doesn't mean I won't help you. Nopony deserves this. Especially you."

"Especially me?", I wondered, lifting my head. Surprisingly she had lifted her shades and stared at me with her red eyes.

"Nothing...", she mumbled blushing. "Sorry. I didn't want to..." then she straightened herself, standing up and looking at me. "See - I have done many shit in the time we lived together. I was no good friend more than often to you. Since you are gone I had much time to think about this. I have tried to become the friend you would have deserved. Even if its to late now. The only thing I wanted to do was apologizing for my behaviour. And... If you want I am out of your live then - bothering you never again."

I stared her like a ghost. I realized what she had said. And tears began to well again. "No. No. Please don't go. I don't want to be alone." The fear had gotten grip of me like a icy claw. All alone. Nopony to be with.

"Oookay....", first she looked a bit unsure - but soon I saw her trademark smile all across her face.

I added her genuine happy smile on the list of things I had missed. On top.

"I accept your apology." I said.

"Friends?"

"Indeed.", I smiled back. And somehow the world regained a few colors.