> Does Faust Play Dice?
>  by herfaithfulstudent
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1: Crashing Down The Rabbit Hole
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where am I?

It's dark and I'm shivering my ass off, for some reason. I must have fallen asleep studying again. I realize I'm laying in dirt and can see a sliver of the moon and a few dim stars. Okay, I must have fallen asleep outside. Did I get drunk? I'm definitely naked, so I probably got drunk. But if I did, I don't remember going to a party or buying booze. I should probably get up and find my clothes before the campus police see me like this.

I go to rub my eyes and I DON'T HAVE FINGERS! What the hell?! What happened to my hands?! What kind of engineer can I be without fingers? I quickly stand up, only to find myself falling over backwards. That actually hurt way less than I expected. I try to slow down and stop freaking out, which doesn’t work. I look down at myself and realize I have fur, a tail, and a really big...

I'm dreaming that I'm a pony! That has to be it. I really should stop reading on Fimfiction before bed. I just need to slap myself and wake up. I use my new hooves to smack my face as hard as I can and motherfucker that hurt! There's a loud ringing sound and I definitely heard something crack. There's a cool wetness on my upper lip and I taste iron.

Does that mean I'm not dreaming? What in the world happened, then? I stand up slowly, and on all fours this time. I'm still a bit dazed because of what might have happened to me and because of this broken nose. Snout? Whatever.

After wiping most of the blood off my face, I reach my hand hoof up to my forehead and then look to my back.

Oh, come on! If I had to become a pony, whether this is some freaky ultra realistic dream or not, why did I have to be an earth pony? Honestly, what's the point? I would’ve preferred staying a human. On more than a couple of occasions, I may have thought it would be cool to live in Equestria (which I assume is where I am) as a unicorn or pegasus. But I'd rather just live with ponies as a human, than be like this!

A little annoyed, I try to walk. After stumbling a bit, I get the hang of it. 

I realize I'm in some big ditch. I have no idea how big a foot is, now that I'm a pony, but the ditch is about four times as long as my body and as deep as twice my height. It's shallow enough to climb out of without too much difficulty.

Once I'm on flat ground, I look around and see a cluster of orange-yellow lights shimmering in the distance. It looks like the mirage of a city. I hope it's inhabited by ponies or some other friendly species; I really don't want to become barbeque for the citizens of some dragon settlement. 

There's a thin layer of snow covering the ground in every direction I see, but the ground in this ditch is clear, for some reason. This'll make it a little more difficult to get to the city, but I need to find civilization or I probably won't last more than a day in this cold.

Not wanting to seem suspicious when I arrive there, I decide to come up with a more pony-sounding name. I have no idea what kind of name would be good, considering I don't know if I have a special talent, but I guess it doesn't matter that much. I look around for inspiration and only see the dirt and the stars. It reminds me of a character from a Greek myth I heard whose name might work.

I leave the ditch and begin my trek toward the shimmering city when I hear a fluttering sound and feel a rush of wind. Then a pegasus swoops down in front of me and quickly moves a spear less than an inch from my neck. My heart pounds and I feel more blood gush from my nostrils.

Based on the pegasus' muzzle and height, I think it's a mare. She’s about a head shorter than me and has metal armor on. The armor and spear make sure her stature doesn't take away from her intimidating factor. I feel like she could and, more importantly, would kill me if I make one wrong move. Her mane appears to be a pale blue, and her coat is either dark blue or black. It's hard to tell in this light.

I can partly make out her face. Her eyes are locked on mine with a hard gaze that makes me freeze up. We're both very aware of the danger I'm in.

“Who are you?” she snaps, making her spear shift more than I care for.

Definitely a mare's voice. Cool. I always wondered if Celestia had mares and stallions in the Royal Guard. They all look the same in the show.

The guard mare continues before I get the chance to respond. “Were you sent to spy on us?”

“No!” I try to respond quickly before she cuts my throat. “I'm not a spy. I'm unarmed and defenseless. So is there any way you'd lower that spear?”

She pulls back slightly, but keeps it pointed at me. It’s better, but I'm not sure she won't try to kill me in a minute. What I don't get is why she thinks I'm a threat. I don't have magic or weapons to attack with, and I don't have the wings to escape her. Also, what would I be spying on? We're both ponies.

“I won’t kill you unless you give me a reason to. Now tell me who you are," the pegasus mare demands.

“Astraeus,” I reply, praying that my name sounds believable.

“Is that your full name?” she asks skeptically.

I give a sharp nod.

“I haven’t heard that name before, but I don’t know everypony in your tribe, Astraeus. You might be telling the truth.” She relaxes slightly and looks amused for some reason. “Also, it’s kind of interesting to meet somepony else with a one-word name; they’re not that common.”

Thank God she believed me. And not being able to think of a second name looks like it's helped me win points with this mare. “Well, now that we've relaxed, would you mind telling me your name, Miss…?”

She straightens and moves her spear away from my face to hold it vertically. It looks like some kind of guard stance. The pegasus simply replies, “Luna.”

I'm stunned. It can't be that Luna. The moon-raising, star-painting, goddess-ruler-of-Equestria Princess Luna? This mare is smaller than me and doesn't even have a horn. I quickly move forward to close the distance between us. I have to get a better look at her and find out if…

All at once, I realize two things. One familiar, and one different. I once again have the spear point at my neck. But this time, I'm on the ground, belly up, and this hornless Luna is standing above me. If she were a cute human girl, and there was less almost dying involved, the situation might be fun. But right now, the desire to keep my nose the only broken part of my body overpowers any less-than-pure thoughts.

“Make another move like that, and it’ll be the last thing you do,” pegasus Luna growls. But then her features quickly shift to worry and she asks me something about my muzzle.

I don't hear her. My gaze is fixed on her face. This is definitely Princess Luna. She must have used some kind of magic to hide her horn and change her mane and tail to look like a normal pony's. She actually looks like Luna after Nightmare Moon was destroyed by the Elements.

I'm probably accidentally trespassing or something. That's why she thought I was a spy. Princess Luna, being the princess of the night, must’ve known I was here and come to stop me if I was a threat. It doesn't look like she knows I'm a human though, so who would I be spying for? The changelings? That must be it!

I turn myself right-side-up, but keep my body pressed against the snow in prostration. I don't want to break formality and insult her. Even if she doesn't kill me, I really don't want to piss off the second most powerful pony in the world.

“Your Highness, it's an honor to meet you. I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you. Please, forgive me. I mean you no disrespect or harm, and seek your help, if you'll grant it.”

Before responding, the disguised Princess snorts either in amusement or anger for some reason. “I know I’m not a high ranking officer, but I can still apprehend you myself if I have to. Or do something worse… Got it?”

I gulp and then manage a “Y-yes.”

What was that? Maybe Luna doesn't want me to talk about her being a princess while she's disguised. It could blow her cover if she wants to keep up the act. But if she was willing to tell me who she was, why would she need the disguise? Are we somewhere dangerous right now?

Before I can figure out what’s going on, Luna frowns and announces in a commanding voice, “I’m going to bring you to a pony who can tell me who you really are. I can’t let you go free until then.” Then, with a softer tone, she adds, “She can also heal your muzzle, if she chooses to.”

I decide to focus on what the Princess just said and then ask her about the disguise once she warms up to me. “Who is this mystery pony, Luna?”

The mare lets out a small laugh. “No one mysterious. Celestia’s a mage you, and most likely everypony of all three tribes, have at least heard of.”

“Oh, well why didn't you just say you were taking me to your sister? She might be able to…”

All of a sudden, Luna tackles me to the ground. One of her hooves holds the spear’s sharp point against my neck. I feel it press against my new fur and skin, threatening to draw blood if either of us moves the wrong way. My nose throbs in time with my quickening heartbeat.

“Who told you about my sister?” Luna snaps while keeping her voice low.

“What are you talking about?” Something's definitely wrong with the Night Princess.

“No one alive, except for the current archmage and her predecessor, is supposed to know about me and Celestia! It could get us exiled or executed. We’d be tried for treason and there’s no way the archmage could protect us from that!”

She says the words with an intense certainty and fear in her eyes. I don't think this is all for a disguise anymore. Luna is genuinely scared, and I have no idea why. She should be powerful enough to destroy any non season opener or finale type threat by herself. But what if she's not Princess Luna somehow?

I speak so quietly that only the dark blue pegasus can hear, “Luna, I swear not to tell anyone about you and Celestia,” knowing that her not believing me could easily mean death. “But I have to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me. Who are you?”

She relaxes slightly but doesn't move the spear. “You already know my name. I’m just a low ranking soldier for the pegasus military, who usually serves as a messenger. And I have no family except my sister,” she whispers. “Something I keep secret for obvious reasons. Why do you care?”

Pegasus military? Wait, she mentioned tribes before. What if… “Does the word, ‘Equestria,’ mean anything to you?”

With an annoyed frown, Luna says, “No. And stop stalling. You're just trying to distract me.” She tightens her grip on the spear. “Now answer my question, Astraeus! How do you know about my sister?”

What's going on? Is this not the MLP universe? Did I get sent to a time period before Luna became an alicorn, or is this some kind of alternate dimension? I have to figure this out, but first I have more important things to deal with. Namely, convincing the non-princess Luna not to kill me.

I feel the spear tip shift against my throat and I try to think of something fast. If the princesses being sisters isn't common knowledge, why would I know? “Visions!” I blurt out. “I get visions of certain events. They give me information I wouldn't know otherwise. It's my special talent.” What am I thinking? “I saw you and Celestia together playing as foals and I sensed that you two were sisters.” If she believed my name, maybe she'll believe this.

“You're lying.” Fuck! “You think you're the first pony who’s claimed they have some kind of spiritual knowledge? But every time, they fail to prove that their gift is real. You could probably convince Celestia with that lie, but I won’t believe something just because somepony claims it’s divine like my sister would.” I really shouldn't have gone with ‘visions of the future’ as my explanation. “But it doesn’t matter; once she probes your mind, I’ll know exactly what you’re hiding.”

“Wait, she's going to read my mind?” I say worriedly. So much for Celestia believing my lie.

“That is how potential spies are dealt with by unicorns,” Luna replies, as though it's something a child should know. “Unless, you prefer the pegasus method…” Her tone, along with hearing about human torture methods, tells me all I need to know about the non-magic way of getting information. “Really, you should consider yourself lucky that I found you. Nopony else on patrol would be able to get you to see Celestia or the archmage.

“No no, mind reading, love it!” She keeps separating unicorns and pegasi. She mentioned three tribes… What if this is during the times before Equestria's founding from that Hearth’s Warming play episode? “I just need to ask you one more question. Do you know the name, ‘Clover the Clever?’”

Luna looks annoyed. “If you’re here to gather information on my people, you should really become a better actor. You ask stupid questions, and then you know things you shouldn’t. But if it will shut you up, yes, I know her. She’s the archmage, my sister's teacher… and also somepony I owe a lot to.” Luna adds that last part almost to herself. 

So I was right; I traveled to ancient Equestria! This is amazing, and also terrifying! Isn't this supposed to be during the time of a famine? Does that mean windigos are causing this snow, or is it just normal winter right now?

Luna continues, snapping me out of my thoughts. “But that’s enough stalling; we have to start heading to the unicorns’ castle. It’s a good distance away, and I need to return to my post before sunrise.”

She removes her spear, allowing me to stand upright. I realize this is probably the best situation for me. Clover the Clever and Celestia can probably easily send me home. Even if my guess is right and Celestia’s just a unicorn, she should still be powerful. Luna said Clover was the archmage, and Celestia was her student. The two of them probably know more about magic than anyone else. Except maybe Discord and any other freaky magic spirits, but I probably shouldn’t ask them to send me home. Getting the unicorns to believe me won't be an issue because they'll just read my mind. I could be back home tonight!

“Okay Luna, let's go visit the unicorns,” I reply cheerily. She looks at me suspiciously and then flaps her wings slowly to hover behind me. Luna motions for me to start walking as she keeps her spear at the ready. She thinks I'm planning something, I realize. She's not wrong, but it's just to get Celestia to send me home; nothing like spying.

Once we start heading toward the castle, what I thought was a city, Luna starts talking again. “Now that you’re out of questions, tell me how you flew so high, earth pony. And if you're lying, I’ll find out eventually.”

“What do you mean, ‘flew?’” I ask.

“I saw you fall when I was mapping the night sky,” Luna answers, almost sounding embarrassed for some reason. “I actually came because I thought you were a fallen star.”

“Are you saying I fell from the sky?” I don’t remember feeling an impact before I woke up, but whatever magic brought me to this world must have been able to cushion a fall and knock me out.

“Unless you ran into this crater immediately after the impact, I’m positive. I got here right after the explosion and saw you unconscious. I would’ve assumed you were dead if you didn’t wake up right after I arrived.”

“Crater?” I look back at the ditch I woke up in and my eyes widen. I guess that explains why there wasn't any snow in it.

Luna just looks at my expression curiously. “Did you actually not realize what happened?” Worry replaces the smallest fraction of her suspicion. “Or maybe you hit yourself too hard when you first woke up.”

I don't know what to say, so I continue walking to our destination with Luna following closely behind. I wrestle with what to tell her and she remains silent, waiting for me.

I do need Celestia and Clover the Clever's help to get home, so I'll have to tell them who I am. I might as well tell Luna the truth too. But I really should avoid impacting this world as much as possible. Even if I'll be leaving it soon, I don't want to do something that ruins this world's future, like stopping Luna and Celestia from becoming Princesses.

I decide that if Celestia finds out who I am from reading my thoughts, she'll probably tell Luna anyway. “Okay, I'll come clean.”

“So you admit you were sent to spy on the pegasi!” Luna accuses as she quickly moves to hover in front of me. “Did the unicorns help you fly in the air?!”

“What? No!” I quickly respond before she can tackle me to the ground again. “But I was lying about how I knew Celestia was your sister.” I take a deep nervous breath and stare at my new forehooves. “The truth is, I'm from a different world and you found me when I first became a pony. I don't know how it happened, but in my world there are…” How do I explain this? “records of you and your sister, along with a few events in your futures. That's how I knew who Clover the Clever was without knowing she was the archmage.” 

She finally knows. I look up at Luna to gauge her reaction. It's probably almost as much for her to take in as it is for me.

She sighs and looks disappointed. “I really thought you’d be done lying. It would have made our journey much nicer.”

“No! It's the truth, I swear! Once Celestia reads my mind, she can vouch for me.” Damn, I thought she'd believe me. But I guess I wouldn't believe me either if I were her.

“It’s okay. I understand the need to keep secrets more than most ponies, and I don’t consider you evil for doing what you have to,” Luna says solemnly. “I’ll let Celestia judge your honesty, but until then, I won’t believe you without proof.”

“I knew about Celestia and fell from the sky,” I demand. “What more proof do you want?”

“That just tells me you learned one secret and probably hired a unicorn or pegasus to help you fly,” she responds cooly. “The fact that you survived the fall probably means you were helped by some kind of magic, but that doesn’t mean you came from another world. Especially one where, somehow, my future and secrets are on display. I haven’t seen anything that proves somepony’s destiny is sealed, aside from cutie marks, and those don’t force us to do anything. But the impossible visions you say you have is… time travel magic!”

The way Luna said ‘time travel magic' made it seem like she hates the idea, even though she thinks it’s not possible. I figure it's a bad idea to correct her, more for my personal safety than because it could ruin her timeline. But I do make a mental note to ask Celestia what that was all about when I meet her.

Our journey continues in silence after that. Luna now flies next me, and I occasionally sneak glances at her mostly to confirm that I haven't dreamt all of this up.

I notice her strange armor. It looks like iron with a matte finish, probably to go with her coat and cutie mark. It almost makes her look like an adorable Nightmare Moon with how small she is. The armor also seems to be lined with cloth that sticks out at the joints.

Luna catches me staring and glares down at me. “Don’t think about trying anything. Remember which one of us has the bigger spear.”

“I-I was just wondering why there was so much cloth in your armor,” I stammer. I'm a little taken aback by her implication and the innuendo in her threat, especially since they were coming from a pony princess of a children's TV show.

Luna turns away quickly and doesn’t meet my gaze when she responds. “The cloth is to help keep me warm.” If it weren't nighttime, I bet I would see her blushing. “Sorry for my suggestion… I assumed the worst.”

At least she believed me that time. She might not be a princess yet, but I really don't want her to blast me with magic the moment she ascends because she thought I was trying to get in her pants under her tail.

“No problem,” I reply casually. Trying to move to a lighter subject, “And I understand needing to keep this cold away, it's freezing.” As if thinking about it made my internal temperature drop, I let out an involuntary shiver.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Astraeus!” Luna says quickly as she lands and reaches into her saddlebags. “You might be my captive, but I should’ve made sure you were in a good enough condition to walk before we started.” She hands me a large, black bundle of fabric and a single unadorned pin attached to a horseshoe shaped piece of metal. I take the fabric in my mouth and try to figure out how to get it on my back. “Sorry I don’t have any food for you, but I’m sure Celestia will feed you when we get to the castle.”

I nod once as I try to use my hooves to put on what I now realize is a hooded cloak. It keeps falling to the ground and Luna just stares as she continues to hold the pin for me.

“You really listened to my advice about being a more convincing spy. You look like a foal, or a unicorn forced to use their mouth and hooves.”

I don't argue, and Luna goes along with what she still seems to think is an act. She takes the cloth in her mouth and throws it over my back. She then clasps it shut with her mouth and hooves. When she's done bringing the hood down, Luna realizes her face less than a hoof's length from mine. She quickly pulls away and pretends to look at the unicorn castle, which is now clearly visible.

“Thanks, Luna.” I smile at her, trying to help her relax. “It's really warm.” The cloak is thick and made of wool, which does a great job of keeping the wind and cold away.

“Of course. Sorry for not offering it sooner.” Luna turns around to look at me and then lets out a small laugh. I think this is the first time I’ve seen her smile. She looks nice when she’s not accusing me of crimes I didn’t commit.

“What is it?” I look around to try and see what’s so funny.

“My cloak is way too small for an earth pony stallion your size. You should probably take it off before we get to the gates if you don’t want to look silly.” She looks off in thought for a moment. “And keeping your face uncovered might help us get into the castle…”

“What do you mean?” I ask in confusion.

“I’ll tell you on the way!” She says with a grin. And just like that, we're on the move again. As Luna hovers next to me and explains her plan, I feel like even if she doesn't trust me at all, she seems to want to kill me a lot less than before. I consider that progress!
> Chapter 2: The Interrogation Spell
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

During our hike through the snow, Luna would occasionally go to scout up ahead, presumably for some kind of danger. Whenever she went, I was never out of her sight for more than half a minute. At this point, Celestia is my only hope to get Luna to trust me.

We finally arrive at the long grey stone bridge that leads to the unicorns’ mountaintop castle. There’s a good amount of light cast by dozens of ornate torches spaced evenly on both sides of the bridge. The torches let me see that my fur is a color somewhere in between brown and orange. I’m not sure how I should feel about being the color of pumpkin pie, but after walking on four legs for the past half hour, this doesn’t faze me that much.

There’s a pair of guards at this end of the bridge, but they let us through without any questions. Earlier, Luna told me we’d get questioned at the castle’s entrance; apparently the bridge guards are mostly there for show, and to keep ponies from escaping if need be.

As I walk across the bridge with Luna hovering beside me, she begins to talk for the first time since the guards came into view. “The doors up ahead are the only entrance to the castle by both land and air. There are no passages or steps at the base of the mountain, and all the windows are either too small for pegasi to fit through or have bars hammered into the stone to block us. So trying to escape is pretty much useless.”

I stare at the imposing structure before us. I didn't realize how tall it was when we were walking before. I can see orange-yellow lights dancing from almost all the windows. “Isn't it dangerous to just have one entrance and exit if there's a seige or something?”

“Not for a race that can teleport,” Luna says matter-of-factly.

“And why are you making it sound like the unicorns think there could be an attack from one of the other tribes?”

“Could be?” Luna laughs. “There have been tons of attacks by each of the tribes on the others at some point or another. Did your parents not teach you our history? The reasons for the fighting vary but it’s always the same in the end: there’s some small change for a while and then things return to normal.”

“Why don't the changes ever stick? Shouldn't war have a serious impact on your society?”

“Our society,” Luna corrects with an annoyed eye roll. “Each tribe has to do their part for our survival, so the status quo can’t change much. We need each other, but we refuse to admit it. We fight and hate, and things just worsen year after year.” I can hear a deep sadness in Luna's voice. “I'm sorry for going on like this. It's just… talking about this stuff with you feels sort of relaxing. Even if it's only because of your possibly fake ignorance.” Luna smirks slightly at her last words.

“It's interesting to learn about this stuff. Really, thanks for teaching me. And soon you'll see that my ignorance is very real,” I say casually. After a short pause, I shift back to our more serious subject. “It doesn't seem like you believe the tribes should be at odds all the time. If you feel that way, there must be others…”

I'm cut off as Luna hushes me and speaks in a low whisper which I strain to hear. “I’m different; you already know why. Now shut up and let me do the talking; we're almost at the entrance. Just remember the plan.”

We draw closer to a pair of large wooden doors that form a massive arched entryway, easily large enough for five ponies to walk through at once. Each of the doors has a round brass knob as big as my head in the center. There's no way I'd be able to reach up to those, let alone turn them.

I hang back and trail Luna as she lands on the ground and walks up to the two unicorn guards who flank the doors. They glare at her and the larger of the two, a muscular green mare, asks, “What business does a pegasi messenger and a common earth pony have at this late hour?”

Luna manages to adopt a very convincing meek tone that I didn't know was possible for her. “Please let us into the castle. I was on patrol with my squad when we saved this stallion from a timberwolf this afternoon. He has a broken muzzle and I saw him coughing up blood a few times. We sent one of our best fliers to ask the Archmage's apprentice if she would heal him and she agreed. I was ordered to get him here safely, but he hasn't been able to walk very fast.”

The large green mare who spoke earlier responds first. “I haven't received any orders about an injured earth pony, and it's late, filly. If he could survive this long, he can wait until morning. Then we can ask Clover the Clever about all this.”

I fake a cough into my hoof and the unicorn guards notice it's stained with blood. Luna’s master plan was to have me wipe the blood from my nose onto it and worry the guards. I don't think it'll work until the younger unicorn, a scrawny, rust colored stallion, starts speaking. “I think we should let them in, Emerald Shield. This stallion looks pretty bad.”

“No.” The guard mare seems to shift around nervously. “We have to at least-”

“I heard the Archmage is really protective of her apprentice,” Luna interjects quickly. “Celestia might be mad if this poor pony dies on your bridge when she could have easily healed him.”

“Are you threatening me, pegasus?” Emerald Shield almost spits the word, ‘pegasus.’

“Of course not, ma’am!” Luna acts completely surprised and innocent. “But from one guard to another, I would hate to see you two get in trouble with your commander for stopping her apprentice from doing her job. I know how bad COs can be.” Luna leans in and whispers, “Not to mention what might happen if the former archmage finds out you two upset his ward. I hear he used one of his transformation spells on a stallion who accidentally made him spill his drink once.”

I don't know who this former archmage is, but he doesn't sound like someone I want to piss off. Although, if that pony is as powerful as Luna’s suggesting, then I should probably try getting his help to send me home.

The stallion looks at his larger comrade pleadingly. Emerald Shield begins to look worried herself and responds, “Uh-umm… You two look like good enough ponies, and we wouldn't want to upset Celestia if she's expecting you.”

The smaller unicorn sighs in relief and I release the breath I was holding. I thought we were going to get thrown over the bridge for Luna's threat. She probably would’ve survived, but I don’t exactly have wings.

“Thank you so much.” Luna beams up at the bigger guard. “I'll make sure the Archmage's apprentice knows how much you two helped us.” Luna hands the stallion her spear and gives him a smile.

The unicorns both nod their heads in thanks. They then light up their horns and the giant knobs begin to glow then rotate. The castle doors then swing slowly inward. I’m not sure how much magic is needed to move those things, but it seems like a lot, considering how heavy they must be.

We both enter the castle at a slow pace and pass through a huge room made of large grey stones that look like they were perfectly cut to fit each other. The room is filled with tables, and there are a few unicorns sitting at benches around a fireplace. They don't seem to care about us. Apparently, no one worries about ponies that have gotten inside the castle, even if they're not unicorns.

Luna told me to keep up the seriously-injured act until we got past the guards, so I keep my head down and try to walk with a slight limp.

We go through a door at the right side of the room and head down a long corridor. I turn to Luna and get a good look at her, now that we're somewhere well lit.

Ignoring her usual frown and my previously constant fear of becoming an unwilling blood donor because of her spear, she actually looks pretty young; like season one Twilight young. I can only really see her head because of the black metal and cloth armor she wears, but she looks a lot like some of the cute fan-art I've seen of her, without the horn and the flowing night sky mane of course. Although there's something about her eyes that I never saw in the show: they're so serious. I can see them tracking every inch of the castle. I can't tell if she's paranoid, looking for something, or just thinks this place is dangerous.

I'm broken out of my thoughts when she announces. “I always hate these hallways.”

I look around at the regal looking hall we're walking down. It's made of the same large grey stones the rest of the castle is. On the walls, there are golden-framed paintings of unicorns dressed in what I assume are fancy clothes. The ceilings have ornate chandeliers hanging at regular intervals, each with half a dozen candles burning. There are a few wooden tables with textured silver plates and decorative pitchers on them. And almost everything has tiny gems of every color set in them, which makes the entire hallway sparkle when the candles flicker. The whole area has a really nice atmosphere, so I can't understand Luna's issue with the halls.

“What's wrong with it? This place looks amazing,” I say.

Luna rolls her eyes and turns to look at me. “You see the chandeliers, Astraeus?” I nod. “Well, I doubt you've ever thought about it, but can you imagine being a pegasus trying to fly here? The ceiling is easily high enough for it, but all of these glorified candle holders make flying really dangerous.”

I realize that this is the first time Luna's walked more than a few steps our whole journey. “But aren't they sort of necessary for lighting up the place?”

“Oh, please, the pegasi accomplish the same thing with a few torches lining the walls, and that leaves plenty of room to fly. The bone-heads just like doing everything in the most extravagant way possible to show the other tribes how superior they are.” I feel like if any unicorns were within earshot, Luna would have just offended them. Luckily, we haven't seen any after that first room.

“What about your sister?” I counter softly as we turn a corner and begin climbing up a wide spiral staircase.

Luna winces slightly as her ears fold back against her head. “Celestia doesn't feel that way about either of our tribes… She tells me our mother didn’t either,” Luna finishes somberly.

Her words hang in the air as we continue to ascend. Luna mentioned earlier that Celestia was her only family. I want to ask her about it, but just as I’m about to, we reach the top of what the occasional window suggests is a tower.

Luna motions for me to hang back as she knocks on the large decorated wood and metal door. After a short period of silence, Luna knocks much harder. Then I hear a distant bang beyond the door followed by the sound of hooves on stone, something I’ve been listening to ever since Luna and I entered the castle.

After a bit of waiting, a light-yellow glow surrounds the door and it swings inward to reveal a white unicorn mare with a disheveled light pink mane and eyes that are barely open. She’s about as tall as I am and has the body type of Fleur de Lis from the show. While she might not have wings or a rainbow of pastels for a mane, I can tell this is Princess Celestia, sole ruler of Equestria for a thousand years. Or at least she will be eventually. Just like with Luna, this Celestia looks more like she did in the book from episode one.

I’m a bit awestruck to be in front of her. Even if all her deeds are from a children’s show, I’m in that fictional world now, so they have to count for something right?

Meeting Luna was… interesting, but I can't wait to see what kind of person- pony Celestia is. Someone who gets to where she’ll be in life must start out with some serious natural charisma or political ideas. Maybe she's a revolutionary who's going to overthrow the oppressive unicorn kingdom and lead a revolt of earth ponies to bring equality to everypony!

I’m pulled away from my thoughts of grand coup d'etats as Celestia lets out a loud yawn and begins speaking. “Hello Lu… –” Celestia notices me and her eyes quickly widen “– lovely night it is,” she says with a forced smile. “What can I do for you two ponies?”

I give a polite smile to Celestia but decide to let Luna introduce us. But instead of doing that or greeting her sister, the dark blue Pegasus tersely states, “I need a favor,” and then passes through the doorway without even saying hello.

Celestia frowns briefly but then adopts a friendlier expression and gestures for me enter with a forehoof. I follow Luna and offer a “thank you” to Celestia.

The semicircular room we enter looks like a mix between a living room and an alchemist’s lab. A small staircase along the back wall, and a door to my left lead to other sections of the tower. There are three comfortable-looking cushions arranged in a semicircle around a fireplace: one white, one a pale yellow, and one a bright pink.

Several tables around the room have books, metal instruments, crystals, and papers scattered haphazardly on them. I notice that many of the papers have formulas, diagrams of animals, and weird-looking circles inscribed with geometric shapes drawn on them.

Celestia closes the door and turns to face us almost nervously. That feels strange for Princess Celestia, at least what I know about her from the show.

At first, I think the lack of any kind of embrace or familial recognition from Luna is just to keep her secret from anyone who might be spying on us. But once we’re alone inside, Luna's demeanor doesn't change. Instead, she announces, “He knows who we are, sister.”

Celestia's eyes widen in surprise as she turns to me. “Luna must really trust you. May I ask who you are, stranger?” Celestia says with a sly smile. “My sister tells me so little of her personal life… and her relationships.” The white unicorn smirks at that last comment.

Before I can introduce myself and explain, Luna interjects. “Who he is is exactly what I want to know. This stallion fell out of the sky unharmed, save for his self-inflicted broken muzzle. And…”

Before Luna can continue, Celestia rushes towards me, our faces almost touching. “Why didn’t you tell me he was hurt right away, Luna?” Celestia demands. “Your questions can wait.” She looks at me intently and her horn begins to glow a sunny yellow. “Stay very still,” she requests in a much gentler voice than she was using before.

The area around my nose glows the same color as Celestia’s horn. I feel a tingling pressure surround my nose that I’m pretty sure is because of the magic.

Suddenly, I hear a couple pops and there’s a spike of pain in my nose. My eyes shut tight and I let out a short groan. Celestia shushes me like what a mother would do to a crying baby. “It’s okay, that was the worst part. Now I just need to heal the bone.”

I feel more tingling, but it’s deeper inside my nose this time. Then all of a sudden, the pain washes away.

I open my eyes and see Celestia look my nose over and then take a few steps back. I slowly reach a hoof up to touch and then push on my nose muzzle. It doesn’t hurt anymore!

“Thank you!” I exclaim. “It’s like I never broke it.”

“You’re very welcome,” Celestia says with a kind smile. “But it was a just a simple spell. Now would you mind telling me who’s nose I just mended? I’m curious about any stallion who can get Luna so excited that she drags him over in the middle of the night, especially one she trusts so much.”

I expect Luna to cut in, but instead, she just glares at me and waits. “You can call me Astraeus.” I reach out a hand instinctively, but then I realize I’m not sure how to shake hands with my new hooves, or if ponies even do that in this age. Thankfully Celestia puts her own forehoof against mine and shakes it in a way that surprisingly doesn’t feel too unnatural.

“A pleasure to meet you Astraeus. I’m Celestia, but Luna seems to have already told you about me,” she says with a wink.

Luna, seemingly sick of the introductions, cuts in. “Good, we all know each other’s names. Now can we please…”

“Celestia! What’s going on down there?” A gruff voice booms from above.

Celestia’s ears fold back and she winces as the sounds of hoofsteps quickly get louder.

Then I see a grey stallion begin walking down the stairs. He has a long and messy white mane with a big curly beard… “Starswirl the Bearded,” I mutter in amazement. I can’t believe I didn’t guess that he was the former archmage.

“It’s Starswirl the Great,” Celestia corrects with a stern look. “He’s the mage who banished The Sirens on his own, so treat him with respect. Especially when you’re in our home.”

“Celestia,” Starswirl cuts in before I can apologize. “That’s no way to talk to our guests. And I’m more bothered by you waking me up than I am about that silly nickname.”

“You know ponies call you that as an insult,” Celestia pleads. “And I don’t think it’s-”

“Enough, Celestia,” Starswirl says with a frown. “You know I appreciate your concern, but I refuse to be bothered by the few ponies who think I’m crazy.” Starswirl looks to Luna, then me, before asking Celestia, “Now do you mind telling me why I’m up in the middle of the night?”

“I’m sorry,” Celestia sighs. “Luna just arrived with a coltfriend who she told our secret to. His muzzle was broken and I fixed it.”

“He is not my coltfriend! I just met him,” Luna exclaims with a furious blush.

Starswirl turns to my pegasus companion curiously. “Strange, I always thought Celestia would be the first to let that slip.”

“Please, just listen!” Luna yells louder than before. Then she begins talking so fast that neither of the unicorns can get a word in. “This is Astraeus. He fell out of the sky near the pegasi territory. I think he’s a spy sent by the earth ponies who most likely had the help of a cloudwalking spell. He made up some crazy alibi, so I need you to read his mind, Celestia, to help me decide if I should arrest him or let him go.”

Both Celestia and Starswirl the Bearded stare wide eyed Luna, who begins panting slightly after that speech. After a few seconds of silence, Starswirl turns around and walks to one of the tables covered in papers, sits down in front of it with his back to us, and says, “Well, this all sounds far too political for me. Do make yourselves at home, and have a seat near the fire to warm up.”

Celestia speaks up, her voice possessing a hint of worry. “What are you doing?”

“I have a feeling this is going to take a while,” the grey stallion replies nonchalantly. “And I doubt I’ll be getting any more sleep with you three talking, so I might as well do some work. Remember to be a good host, my dear.”

“O-Okay,” Celestia says nervously. “I’ll go make us all some tea, then.” She turns and bolts through the door on the left wall to what I assume is a kitchen.

I go sit on the white cushion. I figure it would be rude not to accept Starswirl’s hospitality. Also, I’m still cold from the trip here. “Um… thank you Mr. Starswirl the Great… Sir. I’m sorry we’re keeping you up.” He gives me a grunt of acknowledgement.

I hear the clang of metal on metal as Luna echoes my statement. I turn to see her removing her armor. Once it’s all off, she walks over and take the pink cushion, the one farthest away from me. I’m not sure if it’s because she wants Celestia to sit next to me or if she’s just avoiding me.

I quickly notice that she has her cutie mark already. That feels off. Isn’t Luna’s talent raising the moon or going into dreams or something? Not wanting to reveal what I thought her special talent was, I try to casually ask, “So Luna, how’d you get your cutie mark?”

Luna glares at me and asks dryly, “Are you actually interested, or is this just an excuse to look at my flanks?”

“What?!” I ask in surprise. I hear a muffled laugh from Starswirl’s direction. “Actually interested! It’s just, not many ponies have ones that cover their whole, um… flank, like yours.” And then I add, hoping she would appreciate it and not think I was being a creep, “It’s really cool looking.”

She eyes me for a moment and I feel like she’s deciding if she should answer me or hit me. Then finally her expression relaxes and she says, “I was studying the moon when I was a filly.” Looks like somebody won’t need Celestia to fix their face twice in one day! “I had modified a military scout’s telescope my dad gave me so it could focus on the moon’s surface. I set up a piece of parchment behind it so I could trace the magnified image. Once I finished my sketch, I ran inside to show my dad and Celestia. When they woke up, they told me I had gotten my cutie mark.” I see Luna gazing into the fire, wearing a nostalgic smile as she finishes her story.

At some point during the story, Celestia had apparently walked back into the room. She cuts into the silence and says, “You were so excited that night. I think the only thing slowing you down was having to run between rooms to wake dad and I both up.” I turn and see her levitating a teacup and a small plate to Starswirl.

“You know it’s rude to eavesdrop,” Luna says. All hint of the former happiness gone from her voice.

“Oh, you’re one to talk Luna. And besides, it’s not like I wasn’t there when it happened.” Celestia sets down a floating tray filled with a tea set, and several plates with cookies on them in between the three cushions in front of the fire. She then lays down on the pale-yellow cushion between Luna and me. “Speaking of cutie marks, aren’t you a bit old to still be a blank flank, Astraeus?”

I glance at Celestia’s flank and see the familiar sun cutie mark, then I turn to examine my own flank, and that’s when I realize I’m not good at anything. Damn, I hadn’t thought about it, but it would’ve been really cool to see what mine would look like before I went home. Then my ears pull back against my head in a weird feeling involuntary twitch. Celestia must have noticed, because she quickly says, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that was a touchy subject for you.”

Any more talk on the subject is ended by Starswirl chuckling to himself and saying, “You kids are certainly having some bad luck talking about cutie marks tonight.”

Luna takes advantage of that interruption to finally talk to her sister. “Now that you’re here, Celestia, I should explain the situation. Astraeus is my prisoner and I want you to read his mind and figure out what he was doing in the sky. I didn’t want to bring him to the pegasi if he was innocent, but I’ll have to if you won’t help me with this.”

Celestia frowns. “Yes, you mentioned the interrogation spell. But I don’t think it’s right, Luna. That spell can display any memory to the mage performing it, no matter how hard the other pony tries to resist. There’s a reason only archmages learn it: some things are too sacred.”

“But isn’t this one of your duties?” Luna counters. “That’s why it’s taught. Your mentor uses it on most of the Princess’ prisoners. And I assume you had to use all the time before you retired, right Starswirl?”

“Not getting involved, remember? That’s the main reason why I stepped down in the first place,” Starswirl grumbles from his table. “But I have to say, Platinum employs that particular spell far more liberally than her father. Not that it ever bothered me; the things you can learn from it are fascinating.”

“I won’t do it! It’s not right,” Celestia proclaims. “I might have to use that spell when the duties of the archmage fall to me, but until then, please find another way, Sister.”

“You know what my other option is.” Luna’s expression softens for the first time since the white unicorn came back in the room. “Astraeus doesn’t seem that bad, but I can’t let him go without finding out what he was doing.”

The room is silent, save for the scratches of Starswirl’s quill on paper. I figure it’s about time I gave my two cents to all of this. “I actually don’t mind pri… uhh… pretty mare.” Fuck! Don’t tell her she’s going to be a princess. Who knows what that would do? “I actually had a favor I wanted to ask you and I think reading my mind a little might be the only way you’ll believe me.”

Celestia looks me in the eyes and then turns away slightly. Wait, is she blushing? “What is this favor and what won’t I believe?”

Luna cuts in and stops me from explaining. “Oh no, I can’t wait around here all night.” She then gives me a stern look. “I don’t have enough time to listen to that crazy story again or watch you flirt with my sister.”

I try to defend myself, but all that comes out is, “What? No, I…”

“Sister, why do you have to go so soon?” Celestia asks, ignoring Luna's flirting comment.

“Somepony could realize I left if I’m not back within the hour,” Luna answers, but looks away for some reason.

Celestia presses, “I thought you told me you're left alone all night during your scouting.”

“I left my telescope,” Luna mutters. “I'll get reprimanded if I'm caught using it on duty again. And there’s a patrol group moving through that area in an hour.”

Celestia laughs at some joke I don't seem to get, and Luna scowls at her.

Then the younger mare continues, “So, will you please agree to get the information for me, Celestia? I believe Astraeus would prefer it to me letting the other pegasi interrogate him.”

Celestia frowns deeply and looks to me as if waiting for confirmation, or a way out of this. I nod and she lets out a sigh. “Fine, Luna, you win.”

“Thank you! Now before I go, I should give you the full story.” Luna succinctly reviews our time together as she puts on her armor, highlighting my fall, how I broke my muzzle, my ‘insane alibi’ as she put it, and most importantly, the fact that I knew they were sisters. She also stopped all attempts to defend myself while she was talking.

Luna then walks to the door and says, “I’ll be back before sunrise. I trust you won’t let my prisoner leave until then. Unless you find out he is a spy, in which case I recommend executing him before he can escape.” Oh shit.

Celestia gasps at that suggestion. “Luna! If that were the case  I could just restrain him or send him to our dungeon.”

“But what if he’s a changeling or some other evil creature?!” Luna counters.

Then the intense atmosphere dissolves with Starswirl’s laughter. I forgot he was still here. “If he were a changeling, we’d need him alive for a full interrogation. But don’t worry, Celestia will find out very soon if that’s the case.”

Luna seems to relax at that. “Okay, thank you for the tea and the hospitality. Astraeus, don’t try anything,” she says with a glare. “I promise it’ll only make things more difficult.” She gives me a more sympathetic look and adds, “But don’t worry, after this spell, you won’t be tortured even if I do have to arrest you.” I’m not sure what to say to that, so I try my hardest to smile as she leaves.

I don’t know if that was supposed to scare me or help me worry less, but this whole thing just seems way too violent for a princess from My Little Pony.

Celestia seems to let out a breath she was holding. “I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. And I hope my sister wasn’t too hard on you. She can be a bit much sometimes.”

I figure now is my chance to finally get some answers. “I know this is none of my business, but I assumed you two would get along better, being sisters and all. Are you two fighting?” Maybe the resentment for Celestia that turned Luna into Nightmare Moon began before they even become alicorns.

“We used to be closer, but things were hard for us after dad died. Luna thought it would be safer if we were separated to hide who we were, and even now we rarely get to see each other. Now it feels like every time either of us finds ways to visit the other, we just end up arguing about our secret.” Celestia gives me an uneasy look and asks, “Do you think it’s wrong that our mother was a unicorn and our father a pegasus?”

I’m a little thrown by the question but answer honestly, “Not at all, but…” I want to explain that I’m not from here so she shouldn’t assume ponies are like me, but she eagerly takes my response and continues.

“Thank you! I keep trying to tell Luna she just needs to have a little more faith in ponies. And if we’re ever attacked, it’s not like I can’t easily defend myself from all but two ponies in the realm. And I can’t see Starswirl or my master ever trying to hurt me.”

Starswirl chimes in. “We’d be the first ones there to help protect you if anypony did.”

“But Luna never listens, and she made me promise not to tell anypony we were sisters or who our parents were years ago,” Celestia continues. “You’re the first one to find out since the archmage told Starswirl.”

The grey stallion elaborates, but his focus never leaves the papers in front of him. “Astral Charm told everypony that she was never married and refused to talk about Celestia’s father. Then one day, when Celestia was about 19, Clover asked if I’d let Celestia live with me because her and Luna’s father died in combat. I consider agreeing to that as one of the best decisions of my life.” I look over at the mare in question and see that she’s wearing a sad smile as tears threaten to fall from her eyes.

“Why didn’t you take in Luna too?” I ask, hoping not to offend him but trying to figure out how they could abandon her.

“I offered, but Clover told me that Luna insisted on living with the pegasi and joining their military.”

Then Celestia’s mood completely shifts. “She just left on her own! And now, whenever we’re together, she’s so distant,” the previously quiet mare says with an angry sadness. But then she takes a deep breath, wipes her eyes, and continues. “I’m sorry, you didn’t need to hear that.”

“No, I’m sorry I asked about something so private,” I say, wishing I had waited to ask about Luna.

“It’s okay,” Celestia reassures me. “I just don’t get to talk about Luna with anyone but Starswirl and Archmage Clover. Speaking of her, she told me to always let ponies answer the interrogation questions themselves before using the spell. Even if we still have to use it, answering the questions will help prepare both of us for what’s about to happen.”

I’m a little confused so I ask, “What do you mean interrogation questions?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot most ponies don’t know how this spell works. The interrogation spell I’ll be using will just target the answers to specific questions. There are other spells that can tell a unicorn everything a pony can remember, but those are excessive and, in my opinion, repulsive.”

Well, at least Celestia doesn’t want to go through all my thoughts. Having her find out too much about the show might mess up her future. Having her find out too much about the fandom could be much worse.

“If I understood my sister correctly, I just need to find out if you were spying on the pegasi, what happened right before you fell out of the sky, and how you know Luna and I are sisters? To be honest, I’m pretty curious about that last one.”

Time to convince a princess-to-be that I’m from another world. Again. “I know this’ll sound crazy, but once you use your interrogation spell, you’ll see that I’m not lying… The thing is, I’m not actually a pony.” Celestia tenses and I see Starswirl turn away from his papers for the first time since he sat down. “I’m also not a changeling! Or anything evil,” I quickly add before these two incinerate me or something. “I’m a being from another world called a human.” The unicorns both stare at me skeptically. “We walk on two legs and have very little hair compared to ponies. I have no idea how I got here, became a pony, or fell from the sky. And based on the size of the crater and what Luna told me, I shouldn’t have survived the fall.”

Starswirl looks annoyed, but Celestia’s gaze is fixed on me. She mutters, “It’s a miracle,” and Starswirl rolls his eyes.

“I swear I wasn’t spying on the pegasi or any of you. I just want to get home. That’s actually what I wanted your help with. Also, my world has these things called TVs which show moving pictures that have sound. I learned a little bit about your world, who you and your sister are, and some things about your futures from it.”

This seemed to get Starswirl interested. “You’re saying you have magic to predict the future? How is that possible? What if you knowing about those events changes what happens?”

Celestia quickly says, “I have to see this! May I please use the spell now, Astraeus?” But she slows down and adds, “As long as you’re sure it’s okay.”

Awesome! This is a way better response than Luna’s. “Sure, I figure if you know I’m telling the truth, you might be more willing to help me get home.”

Celestia grins as she stands and approaches me. “Okay, now just relax. My magic will guide the questions.”

Celestia lowers her face down to where I’m sitting. Her horn lights up and I close my eyes as she brings it toward my face. I feel it touch my forehead, and then suddenly, white fills my vision.

When I open my eyes again, I’m floating in what looks like the night sky. There are brilliant stars everywhere and a few white clouds surrounding me. Out of one of the clouds, the pink maned Celestia walks toward me and I feel myself standing on solid ground. I look down and see that a bunch of the stars have formed a path under us that extends farther than I can see.

“First we’ll find out if you were spying on the pegasi,” Celestia says calmly. What looks like a two-dimensional flat screen TV flies towards us and just hangs in the air next to the path. It plays my first moments in this world on repeat: from opening my eyes to meeting Luna.

Celestia frowns at the screen skeptically and mutters. “No, I want what happened before this.” Then a screen of me working on my fluid mechanics homework flies up next to the first one.

“That’s pretty much all I remember. I was there –” I say pointing to the screen of me doing homework. “– and then I woke up here. Luna says I fell during that time, but I don’t remember it.”

Celestia stairs at me in amazement. “May I see what these ‘humans’ of yours look like?”

“Go ahead,” I say, giving Celestia a nod.

A screen of my parents, little brother, and grandparents appears. It’s from this past thanksgiving. Our conversation plays out loud from the direction of the screen. I smile, thinking about how much fun we were having. It’s been a few months since I last saw them during winter break and I’m really looking forward getting home in the summer.

I look over at Celestia and see that she can’t take her eyes off my family. I explain who each relative is and she looks fascinated.

“So, do you believe me now?” I ask, pulling Celestia out of her reverie.

“What?” She asks.

“Do you believe I wasn’t spying on the pegasi now?”

“Of course I do!” She yells as she puts her forehooves on my shoulders. “You actually weren’t a pony…” Celestia says with amazement and steps back down on solid ground, or… solid stars. “Now I just need to see how you knew about Luna and I. Oh, I can’t wait to tell Starswirl and archmage Clover all about this!”

Suddenly, about twenty screens fly up to us on both sides of the star path. A few of them are playing MLP, a couple show me looking at some pony artwork online, one is from me at a convention I went to. All of the screens depict something pony related, but I notice Celestia is just looking at one. It’s a YouTube clip I watched of someone giving Lauren Faust a portrait of Fausticorn.

“Astraeus, tell me who this is…” Celestia says. Her words sounding way more serious than they needed to be.

“It’s Lauren Faust, she created the things I was telling you about that showed me your future and identity.” I figure that’s probably the best way to explain it. I don’t need to explain that the show was made for little girls’ entertainment.

Celestia’s eyes widen. “Show me.”

Then a tidal wave of screens fills both sides of the pathway, each one playing a different episode of MLP. I notice that the earlier episodes are closer to us while the later seasons are too far for us to see.

Celestia looks around, amazed or in shock. Then she notices something. “That cutie mark…”

That’s when I realize this has gone too far. Celestia is staring at a cackling Nightmare Moon as lightning flashes around her. Then the screens shift around until we’re surrounded by different depictions of Luna’s evil transformation: the show, fan art, stories I’ve read. Most of them come with much smaller ponies looking completely terrified around her.

Celestia looks around until she sees the green smoke Nightmare Moon that Zecora made in the Nightmare Night episode. Celestia watches as the smoke figure charges at the fillies in costumes, sharp fangs bared.

Then, in a bright flash of white light, I’m back in front of the fireplace. Celestia stares at me with absolute terror in her eyes. Starswirl is standing to my left, looking at his ward with concern. “What did you see?” he asks the unicorn mare gently.

Celestia ignores him and asks, “Who was that?”

“She’s not important. What we should-”

“Tell me who that alicorn is now!” Celestia roars.

Oh shit. “Celestia, I really shouldn’t tell you too much about your future. I just need to get home so-”

Celestia’s voice gets unsettlingly quiet. “If you want my help, you’ll tell me the truth now. Otherwise I’ll have to use the complete interrogation spell.”

Fuck! I have no idea what finding out she’ll become princess and have to banish her sister to the moon will do to Celestia. I can’t let her read my mind again. “Fine,” I relent. “The alicorn is a pony called Nightmare Moon. From what I saw in my world, she attempted to rule over ponies and throw the world into an eternal night. But anything you saw about ponies thinking she would eat them was just a story for Nightmare Night, a holiday created about her.”

Starswirl cuts in, worry filling his voice now too. “Are you saying you’ve seen an alicorn? That’s impossible. And if an alicorn stops us from cycling the sun and moon every day, there’s no way we could survive. How would we grow food without sunlight?”

“It’s just what I saw in my world. I don’t know if they even match up with this world yet.” But from the looks of it, the show might just be a less violent version. That would make sense for a kids show.

“But that’s how you said you knew Luna was my sister,” Celestia says. “And you knew Starswirl as ‘The Bearded’. You learned that from your world too, right?”

I nod my head hesitantly.

“So if you know about our present from your world, the future you saw should be a prediction of our future,” Celestia says resolutely. “I just have to know one thing: Nightmare Moon is Luna, isn’t she?” Oh no.

Starswirl interrupts. “How is that even possible? Alicorns are just legends, and there’s no way your pegasus sister could suddenly grow a horn!”

“They had the same cutie mark, Starswirl! I saw it!” Celestia yells, tears swelling in her eyes. “Have you ever seen anypony else with a cutie mark like Luna’s?”

I don’t think she’ll believe me if I lie. And if Celestia doesn’t get this confirmation, she might go through all my memories. “I have no idea know how she turns into an alicorn, but Luna does become Nightmare Moon.” I say solemnly.

Celestia, for some reason, doesn’t seem as crushed by this news as I thought she would be. She tries to blink away her tears as she says, “I think you were sent here for this reason, Astraeus.”

“What?” Starswirl and I ask in unison.

“When we were looking through your memories, you told me the being who created these accounts of our world was called Lauren Faust. I believe that is an embodiment of our God, Faust.” Starswirl lets out a groan and Celestia glares at him. “She was in another world, Starswirl, and there was a picture that looked just like her depiction as an alicorn! And she is why Astraeus knows about us. Isn’t that enough proof for you?”

“Everything you see is ‘because of Faust’s will.’ A memory of somepony with her name means nothing,” Starswirl says with a roll of his eyes.

“Slow down. Who is Faust to you guys?”

Both unicorns try to answer, but Celestia beats the old stallion. “Faust is the divine embodiment of harmony. It was with her quill that life and everything we know was written into existence. She first created the alicorns, who eventually gave rise to us ponies.”

“But there’s no evidence that alicorns have existed,” Starswirl states adamantly, earning him an irritated look from Celestia. “Any explorer who sets out to try and follow the ancient legends just ends up giving up, never being heard from again, or dead.”

“And I think that She was the one who sent you here to stop my sister from turning into that monster. So what do we have to do?” Celestia asks hopefully.

Well, really just make sure you don’t overshadow her, and find a way to make more ponies night-owls, but I can’t tell her that. Stopping nightmare moon would fuck up their timeline so much. Twilight would never need to live in ponyville so she couldn’t become the princess of friendship, and who knows how many other effects there would be? Maybe the future would end up way worse if Luna was never banished. And maybe just telling Celestia that she not only caused Nightmare Moon but also banished her sister for 1,000 years would mess her up so much that she never wants to become the leader of Equestria.

“Nothing,” I say simply. “We’d be changing the future too much if we try and stop Luna’s transformation.”

“But it would be a good change if we’re stopping something evil! Even if Luna will never actually eats ponies, she’d have to do something pretty terrible to gain that reputation and an entire holiday about her,” Celestia argues.

We go back and forth for a while with Celestia making arguments in her favor and me continuously thinking about dangerous worst case scenarios, most involving an ultra-powerful enemy taking over Equestria, one that only the mane six could defeat. It ended up turning into a yelling match, but thankfully I was able to avoid revealing anything more about the future. Celestia quietly says, “Fine, you win.”

I’m glad it’s over, and even though I know this will end up better for all the ponies in the long run, I can’t help feeling bad for Celestia. She looks so lost and worn down, it’s like she’s already banished her sister. But it’ll be fine. I’m sure Celestia will have plenty of happy centuries with her sister before Luna rebels.

With tears streaming down her face, she turns to Starswirl, who had kept quiet during our fight, “Could you please work on sending him home? He’s telling the truth. He just wants to get back to his family.” And with that, Celestia’s horn begins glowing and she teleports away.
> Chapter 3: The Most Important Conjurer Of The Pre-Classical Era
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

With Celestia probably crying her eyes out who knows where, only Starswirl The Bearded and I are left in the living room. He stares at me intensely, and I have no idea what’s going to happen. He’s probably thinking of ways to hurt me. I just made his… tenant? Friend? What is she to him?

I made soon-to-be-Princess Celestia cry, and now I’m going to be killed! My heart begins pounding in my chest. I want to run away so badly, but I know that wouldn’t make a difference. “Please don’t kill me, Mr. Starswirl!” I shout, hoping that I’ll still have my life and some of my dignity left after begging.

Starswirl immediately flinches and looks at me with confused amusement. “What are you talking about, colt? I’m not going to kill you.”

“But I made Celestia cry and you…” I manage to say as my heartbeat begins to slow down slightly.

Starswirl lets out a roaring laugh. “Why in the world would I kill you after Celestia confirmed you’re not a threat? She asked me to help you!”

“But Luna mentioned you transforming someone because you got mad at them.” Wait, am I arguing that he’s supposed to kill me?

After he suppressed his laughter, Starswirl tries to look guilty. “That was one of my more recent and less-well-received jokes. The stallion was my assistant. I had asked him to knock my drink over so I could pretend to get angry and turn him into a cloth to clean up the mess. I thought it was hilarious, but,” Starswirl frowns, “Celestia and the other ponies in the main hall didn’t seem to agree.”

“So, Luna was able to intimidate the castle guards by bringing up… a prank you pulled?!” Who the fuck is this guy?

“King Carat would have loved it,” Starswirl grumbles. “And what everypony seems to forget is that I transformed him right back into a pony. Unharmed! Albeit a little wet. I even told the crowd he was my assistant, which completely ruined the joke.” Starswirl looks more annoyed than remorseful.

I have no idea how to respond to this, but the grey stallion doesn’t seem bad, even if he is a shitty practical joker. “So, Mr. Starswirl the Great, Sir, would you mind helping me get back to my world?”

This seems to make him forget his annoyance, because he turns to me and says, “Of course! Where are my manners? I’ll do everything I can as long as you drop all of this Mr. and Sir business. In fact, you’re not from this world so I haven’t even saved your life. Just call me Starswirl. Am I clear?” I nod. “Good. Now, I’ll need some time to retrieve my mirror from the vault and find my old notes. We can start in a few days.”

“A few days? I thought you could just sort of zap me with your magic and send me home,” I say hopefully, really not wanting to have to make up an excuse for missing my midterm on Friday.

The bearded stallion snorts in amusement, “You really have no idea how this works, do you? I can’t simply teleport you home; I have to rip a sustained hole in the fabric of our dimension to access other worlds.” Then, with a bit of annoyance, he adds, “And I’m the only mage in all of recorded history to do this, by the way, so don’t think I don’t know what I’m talking about. Got it?”

“Yes, sir,” I reply immediately, and Starswirl gives me a sharp glare. “Yes, Starswirl.”

The former archmage’s expression softens. “Now I want you to describe your world to me. What kinds of magic does it have? What are the intelligent species on it? I need to know what we’re looking for.”

I spend the next half hour or so talking about earth, its lack of magic, humans, how the sun and moon move, and answering all of Starswirl’s ‘basic’ questions. Once I finish, he smiles, “I don’t want to needlessly get your hopes up, but I’m almost positive I can get you home much easier than I previously thought.”

“Really?!” This is great! I’m really glad Luna brought me here instead of some pegasus torture room.

Starswirl smiles confidently. “So, for now, let’s both get some rest, and I’ll have you home as soon as I can get my things together. Do you mind moving to the side of the room for a moment please?”

I’m a little confused, but I do as he asks. After clearing away the cushions by the fireplace with his telekinesis, Starswirl’s horn lights up and a wooden framed bed with white sheets appears in front of us. The unicorn must have noticed my surprise, because he grins and says, “I am a conjurer by trade, you know. Just one more thing…”

Starswirl’s horn flashes again but this time I feel a tingling all around my body that fades after a few seconds. “What was that?” I ask.

“Luna made Celestia promise not to let you leave until she came in the morning. Since Celestia is somewhat indisposed at the moment, I’m keeping her promise for her.” Starswirl glances up the stairs with a concerned look. “That spell will prevent you from leaving this room until I lift it. And the bed will disappear at sunrise, so no sleeping in. Consider it punishment for waking me up in the middle of the night and upsetting Celestia,” Starswirl says with a smile as he turns toward the staircase. “Now, if you need anything, my room is the floor right above this one, so just call up and I’ll hear you. Goodnight…” He stops walking and looks back at me apologetically.

“Astraeus,” I offer.

“Yes! Goodnight, Astraeus.” With that, my weird, but surprisingly nice, host leaves me alone.

The fire has died down to a few embers by now, so the living room is nice and dark. I realize that I’m not wearing any clothes and toothbrushes probably haven’t been invented yet, so I get into the incredibly soft bed, finally ending my long day in Equestria.

~~~

“Astraeus, wake up,” someone loudly whispers, ruining my sleep. I open my eyes to see a bright yellow flash and a white horse with a pink mane leaning over me. I freak out and fall off the other side of the bed before everything that happened hits me. “So, I didn’t just have some freaky dream,” I say as I untangle myself from the sheets.

I stand up to face the unicorn who lets out a small laugh, “No, I’m afraid this is all very real, Astraeus.” Oh right, my pony name. I forgot that I told Luna and Celestia…

“Celestia! You’re here! And you’re not yelling at me or crying anymore!”

The white unicorn’s smile fades slightly, but she doesn’t look angry. Just a little sad. “Do you mind coming with me for a moment? I’m sorry I disturbed your sleep, but there’s something I want you to see.”

All my irritation from being woken up is replaced by curiosity about Celestia’s request. I follow her up the staircase along the back wall of the living room. We continue our ascent past the doorway that I assume leads to Starswirl’s room, and then reach another door that Celestia opens with her magic.

We enter what looks like a repurposed storage space. There are about a dozen wooden trunks and crates with illegible scribbles on them piled up on one side, along with various large metal and glass instruments, some of which hold massive gemstones. The rest of the room is made up of a simple bed, a dresser, and a nightstand, the last of which has a few books on it that look like they’ve gotten plenty of use.

Celestia walks to her bed and lies down, motioning for me to join her. I notice there’s a book on her bed that she opens, once I’m next to her. She begins wordlessly turning the pages, giving me time to look at each one. It’s mainly filled with drawings of three ponies that I assume are Celestia, Luna, and their father, based on the ponies’ appearances. Some of the ones at the end of the book look almost like black and white pictures, although the earlier drawings look more like weird blobs than ponies.

One page of the book has two locks of hair tied in it: one light blue and one pink. Some pages are just filled with lines of scribbles that I have no idea what to think of. Maybe it’s some sort of gibberish that one of the sisters wrote when they were foals.

Finally, Celestia breaks the silence at one of the pictures of the adult stallion and the unicorn filly. “The poems and writings are mostly mine, but Luna did all of the pictures. I haven’t seen her draw portraits in years, but she used to love drawing the three of us.”

“They’re really good. Did you save all her drawings?”

Celestia nods. “At first, it was just the ones she gave me, but I collected the rest when we moved out, after our dad died. She might not be the most social pony, but Lulu didn’t get to go out and be with others as a filly that much. Mom used to bring me with her to the castle all the time, but dad wasn’t allowed to take her on patrols with him.”

I have no idea where this is all coming from. “Celestia, why are you telling me all this?”

“I just want you to know that the two of us didn’t have the most normal of foalhoods, Luna especially, but she has a good heart. Luna’s not a bad pony, I swear!” Oh no. I had really hoped Celestia had given this up. “I don’t know what will happen to turn her evil, but I know you can stop it! Faust sent you here for a reason, and I think it was to tell me about what my sister will become if we don’t do something! Please, Astraeus, we have to prevent her from hurting anypony.”

“No!” I exclaim. Celestia shrinks back. That was probably too forceful for telling someone you won’t try to stop their sister from turning into a monster worthy of moon-banishment, but I need her to give this up. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. But there’s too much at risk if I do anything to change your futures. It could end terribly.” There’s no way I can risk fucking up Equestria’s future like that.

Celestia shrinks back, looking defeated. “Can you at least tell me what turns her evil?”

I don’t meet her gaze as I shake my head. “I’m sorry.” The words feel hollower every time I use them.

“I just don’t see how my sister could hurt anypony. Manipulate or spy on, yes, but not harm.” Celestia begins to cry.

I put a forehoof over her shoulder in a pitiful attempt at comforting her. “I promise, even though this might not make sense now, I’m just trying to do what’s best for you and everyone else.”

After a few more sobs, Celestia begins to calm down. “I’m sorry, you’re right. Sometimes there are things we all have to do for the greater good, no matter how much it hurts.”

Good, I think I finally got through to her. “Exactly,” I say with an empathetic smile. “Just please trust me, even if you don’t understand.” It’ll all be fine in the end. After 1000 years of banishment, Celestia can live out the rest of eternity with her little sister.

The two of us sit in silence for a while until Celestia speaks up. “I’m sorry for being so angry with you this whole time Astraeus, your message was just hard to accept. Now, I think it’s time we both got some rest.”

“Right.”

I get up and begin walking toward the door, but stop as Celestia says, “Your appearance here truly is a miracle, regardless of whether or not you believe that. I promise I’ll help you in any way I can.”

“Thanks, Celestia. Goodnight.” She responds in kind and I return to my bed, finally returning to sleep.
> Chapter 4: Aunty Clover
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up to the sound of someone knocking on the door. I'm quicker to get my bearings than when Celestia woke me up, but this whole pony situation still feels like a dream.

The light of the predawn sky slipping through the windows is the only thing that lets me walk to the door and answer it. A tired looking Luna, clad in armor, stares at me and then at my bed, which occupies most of the sitting room by the fireplace. “Well at least you're still here and not dead,” she says with a lazy smile. “So, you’re not dangerous enough to kill and didn't manage to escape.”

“Did you actually expect that?” I ask in disbelief.

“Not really, but being overly trusting is dangerous. Especially since I can't rely on magic to protect myself like my sister.” At that, Luna peers behind me to my right. “Speaking of Celestia, is she still here? I want the full report of her spell before I go home and sleep.”

“No idea, but it's exactly what I told you yesterday. I'm from another world and I've seen some things about your world.”

“We'll see… I'll wait here to ask Celestia when she's back.” Luna then sidesteps me and moves into the living room.

I shrug, close the door, and go sit on my bed. Once Luna finishes removing her armor, she just stands and stares at me, occasionally glancing around the room. “Do you want to have a seat?” I gesture to the foot of my bed. “Starswirl The Be- I mean The Great moved all the cushions away to make room for this last night.”

“N-no!” Luna breaks our eye contact and looks away. “I will not be found in a stallion’s bed by my sister, let alone one I just met. I'll stand, thank you.”

Yikes, I didn't realize ancient Equestria was so old fashioned. Or maybe it's just Luna… Celestia showed me that journal on her bed last night without making it seem weird.

The next five or so minutes pass in awkward silence, with me not wanting to insult Luna again, and her finding the wall much more interesting than me. Once the sun begins to rise, Luna turns to one of the windows and announces, “Good, she should be back soon.”

I glance towards the blue pegasus and then look out the window myself. I’m usually not one to watch the sunrise, even though I try to get up before dawn, but something about this just feels special. It doesn't look any different from a normal sunrise, but it feels like I'm seeing one for the first time.

I'm broken from my reverie by a loud bang coming from the ceiling followed by some muffled words and footsteps. A few seconds later, Starswirl The Great walks down the stairs, his beard and mane looking just as tangled and messy as last night.

“Ah, Astraeus, Luna, you're already awake and here. Please come with me, I'll make some tea while we wait for Celestia.”

“Good morning, Starswirl. Sorry for coming in while you were sleeping.”

“Oh, you know I don't care about those sort of formalities, Luna. Besides, if you weren't welcome here, it'd take an awful lot of magic to get in,” he says with a hearty laugh.

“What do you mean by that?” I ask curiously. “Also, good morning, and thanks for the bed last night.”

“Thank you, my colt. Oh! I almost forgot.” Starswirl stops right before opening the door to the other part of this floor, turns around, quickly zaps away the bed, and moves the sitting cushions and furniture back to their places. “And I keep a barrier around this tower that prevents unwanted intruders from getting in without an invitation. Luna is on my short list of ponies who are welcome here anytime.” Starswirl gestures at Luna and gives her a welcoming smile which she returns in thanks. Then Starswirl turns back to me and begins talking again, “Also, before I forget, I should remove the…” He stares at me for a second and blinks. “What happened to my enchantment? Can you dispel magic?”

I glance at Luna, then back to the old mage in confusion. “Uhhh… I don't know what you're talking about.”

Then something seems to click in his head. “Did Celestia ask you to leave the living room last night?” he asks with a knowing smile.

“Yeah… she wanted to talk to me,” I admit hesitantly. I'd rather not discuss our conversation about Luna while she’s here.

A wide grin breaks on Starswirl face and he mutters, “She can break my enchantments at half the age Clover could. Absolutely amazing…” He leads us into a kitchen with a small table setup with three chairs, then turns to Luna and says, “You have a very powerful sister, you know. That mare has been gifted with magic beyond her years.” Luna nods but doesn't offer any words of response.

“Sorry, I think I'm missing something,” I say to Starswirl. “What happened?”

“Do you remember the spell I cast on you last night?” I think back and vaguely remember him mentioning it. “Had you tried to go up the stairs, open a door, or even jump out a window, you would have met with a magical wall far stronger than any stone. Apparently, it suited my ward to release you from your imprisonment early.”

Starswirl then walks to a side door and opens it just as realization suddenly appears on Luna’s face. “You mean he could have escaped any time last night‽” she shouts.

Starswirl nods dismissively and ushers us into the kitchen.

“If it makes you feel any better, I had no idea,” I say trying to quell Luna's exasperation. She sighs and seems to drop it for now.

Luna and I are directed to sit at a small table with three seats. After rejecting our offers to help, Starswirl begins making tea. “Unfortunately, I can't really make anything edible, apart from drinks and sweets, so Celestia does most of the real cooking.” He levitates a large copper tea kettle in front of him after filling it with water. “Before she moved in, my breakfasts were nothing more than plain fruit and hay.”

The kettle, still surrounded by the white glow of Starswirl's magic, begins to whistle after about 3 seconds. At the same time, drawers and cabinets open and close as Starswirl levitates out teacups, saucers, spoons, and a jar of tea leaves. It's like the grey unicorn made the whole kitchen come alive during our chat without any effort. I’m starting to get why Twilight idolizes this guy.

After a couple minutes of waiting, Starswirl levitates over a small plate of thin metal sticks with what appears to be rock candy on them and pours four cups of tea. “That was amazing!” I yell, still marveling at his telekinesis. Luna, meanwhile, sips her tea, unfazed by the display.

As he sits down in the remaining seat, Starswirl smiles, “Oh that's right, I forgot you don't have magic in your world.”

Any response I’m about to come up with is interrupted by the dark blue pegasus going into a fit of coughs. Thankfully she doesn't spit out her tea, but Starswirl floats a napkin to her anyway. Once she's almost done choking, Luna demands, “You mean he's actually not a pony‽”

I grin. Finally!

“Well, technically, he's a pony now, but Celestia said she saw him as a different creature in his memories before you met him, so I guess the proper statement would be ‘he actually was not a pony yesterday,’” Starswirl says with a chuckle.

“Told you so.” Oh my god her face is priceless.

“But that doesn’t mean-” the midnight blue pegasus sputters angrily.

“Have some compassion Luna,” Starswirl says “The poor colt has absolutely no one in this land, family or friend.” Okay, that kind of hurt.

Luna lets her head hit the table with a painful sounding smack and then mumbles, “Well at least I won't have to report this.” She begins to suck on one of the rock candy sticks but makes no motion of raising her head. I think Luna broke.

I spend the next five minutes trying, not completely unsuccessfully, to eat the rock candy and drink my tea. God I miss having fingers. Thankfully, Starswirl doesn’t seem to mind fixing my shattered teacup four times.

Soon after I sort of figure out how to grab things without hands, I hear the sound of a door opening and closing, followed by Celestia walking in the kitchen. She greets the three of us in a perfunctory manner and begins to make breakfast without saying a word.

Either the pony with a sun on her ass isn’t a morning person or she’s still worrying about the Nightmare Moon thing. It seemed like she got over it last night, but I should definitely talk to her again when I have the chance.

All of a sudden Starswirl stands up, knocking his chair back in the process and pulling Luna out of her stupor. “Young mare!” Celestia’s attention snaps away from her ingredients as the old, yet surprisingly imposing, stallion marches towards her. “Did you dispel the imprisonment enchantment I put on Astraeus last night without my permission?” Celestia looks nervous but she doesn’t turn away. She merely gives a small nod. And with that, Starswirl’s scowl breaks into a grin as he nuzzles her. “I’m so proud of you! How long have you been able to dispel that kind of magic?”

Celestia, seemingly stunned by the lack of anger from the other unicorn, takes a few moments before answering with a small smile. “I’d never tried dispelling your sealing magic before so I had no idea if I could do it, but it didn’t feel right to bind a messenger of Faust like that. You’re really not mad? I know should have just waited until the morning but…” Celestia trails off as she glances at me with a smile.

“Mad‽” Starswirl booms. “Of course not! I’m just amazed at how fast you’re progressing. You’ve outpaced both your mother and Clover in terms of raw power by around a decade. We must tell Clover about this after breakfast.”

“Actually, I had planned to show Astraeus around the kingdom, if you don’t mind,” Celestia says. “He should probably learn about our culture while he’s here. I assume it’ll take you a while to send him home, right?” She sounds almost hopeful asking that last question. Oh god, I really hope she doesn’t want me to tell her more about the future.

“Oh! Of course. Yes, it should take at least two days to gather everything I require for the spell.” Starswirl looks over at me as though he just realized Luna and I were still there. “And I don’t imagine you share my penchant for staying hauled up in this tower for extended periods of time.”

Even though I have to get back as soon as possible, I still want to check the place out while I’m here. I nod in agreement as he turns back to Celestia. “I shall inform Clover of your milestone when I ask her about my old mirror. I’ll also need to send a letter soon if…” Starswirl mumbles the last part to himself so I have no idea what he said.

Starswirl comes back to the table to sit down as he levitates over some paper, a feather quill, and a bottle of ink. Celestia moves to begin preparing breakfast again, but then Luna clears her throat, “Celestia, may I speak with you privately?”

“Always, Sister,” the tall mare replies kindly while keeping her gaze on the food for a moment before leading Luna out into the living room.

My stomach growls as I sit and wait for the sisters to get back, so I suck on another piece of rock candy to pass the time. Much easier than holding a teacup. Starswirl doesn’t seem to realize I’m in the room as he writes on the parchment with his telekinesis. More of that scribble writing I saw in Celestia’s journal last night.

After what feels like ten minutes, a tired looking Celestia returns, followed by a slightly irritated Luna, who’s now back in her dark armor. The former returns to making breakfast while the latter thanks Starswirl for the tea.

Luna then turns to me. “Astraeus, I want to thank you for not running away,” she says with a smile. “I’d like to talk with you more, now that I know you’re not trying to infiltrate my tribe –” She tries and fails to stifle a yawn. “– but that can wait till I’ve gotten some sleep.” Luna says her goodbyes to each of us and heads off to wherever she lives.

I wait eagerly for Celestia to finish making us breakfast, since she insisted she didn’t need any help. Starswirl finishes his letter and uses his magic to put a wax seal on it identical to his cutie mark, a large five pointed star with two smaller ones to its left and right. Once that’s done, he asks me more about how Earth revolves around its sun without magic, something Celestia also seems very interested in.

Finally, after dozens of questions about astrophysics that my mechanical engineering classes really haven’t prepared me for, Celestia brings over several platters of different food. Food that should probably be preserved if the windigos are going to ruin their harvest at some point and possibly cause a famine.

“So, uhh… this really seems like a lot of food for breakfast,” I say with the smoothness of sandpaper.

“Of course,” Celestia assures. “You’re our guest. It wouldn’t be right to skimp on cooking today.” Shit! They’re wasting possibly precious food because of me. What if the windigos come soon?

“Oh, I really appreciate all this, Celestia, but it’s too much just because I’m here. Don’t you need your food to last until the next harvest?”

Starswirl responds between spoonfuls of a delicious smelling vegetable stew. “I appreciate your consideration, but there’s no need to worry. The pegasi are due to wrap up winter very soon, and the harvest begins shortly after that.”

Celestia, who has taken Luna’s old seat to my left, lights up. “And if you stay until then, you’ll be here for the winter festival!”

“Is that just singing while you wrap up winter?” I ask, having already seen that episode and not having much interest in plowing snow all day.

“No,” Celestia responds. “Wrap Up is a pegasus-only thing, but all the tribes hold their own parties the day before.”

“It’s Celestia’s favorite day of the year,” Starswirl says with a chuckle, as though he just thought of something funny. “You might enjoy it.”

“Thanks, but I really need to get home as soon as you’re able to send me back Starswirl.” I’m also worried about dying from starvation or freezing to death but the windigos might not be coming for many years from now.

“Yes yes, I’ll get started as soon as we’re done eating,” he says nonchalantly before he returns to his food. Not seeing any way to convince the two unicorns to ration out their food more sparingly, I unceremoniously dig in. In lieu of hands, I just sort of shovel food into my mouth. The two unicorns don’t seem to fault me for it, commenting that they’d probably be just as useless eating with their hooves as I am.

“Celestia! This is amazing!” I say between mouthfuls of the stew and bites of toast with jam. It might just be the pony taste buds, but I’ve never had fruits and vegetables this good before! 



***


We spent the better part of that hour enjoying our feast. Celestia asked me a few questions about what my world is like and what some of the things she saw in my memories were, although she avoided bringing up anything MLP-related, thankfully. I asked her what she was out doing this morning (even though I had a pretty good idea) and I found out she leads the sun raising and setting teams. Starswirl was quick to tell me that the position is usually reserved for the archmage or one of the senior-most members of each team. According to him, Celestia has “a rare knack for guiding the sun into its proper position.”

Once we all finish breakfast, Starswirl lightly coughs and says “Now then, my young stallion, would you mind helping the two of us with the dishes?”

I nod, stand, and reach over to stack the dishes (which I can reliably do without breaking anything) as the two unicorns do the same with their magic, resulting in three messy towers on the table. I look over and notice Celestia’s grinning for some reason.

Starswirl walks around the table so the dishes are between him and the kitchen. “You may want to look over there,” he instructs as he directs my attention to where Celestia was cooking before.

Celestia’s horn begins glowing a bright pale yellow as she faces the same direction as I am. “Whenever you're ready!” she says confidently.

One by one, dishes begin to fly towards the open cupboards, still covered in food and encased in the white aura of Starswirl’s magic. Before any of them have a chance to get put away, Celestia sends out lances of what looks like living fire at each plate, cup, and spoon. I feel the heat on my face as Celestia immolates the food scraps with her magic, leaving them spotless before they fly onto the shelves. The kitchen and the dishes themselves must be magically protected because the flames pass over them harmlessly.

After a dozen items go by, Starswirl begins sending them out two or three at a time which makes Celestia speed up with her spellcasting. Then he begins to change their course in mid air which trips the unicorn mare up a little bit, but by the time everything is put away, not a single dirty dish went inside those cabinets.


***


After the amazing display that was ‘doing dishes’ in Starswirl's tower, Celestia took me on a tour of the castle. Princess Platinum was holding court, so we avoided the throne room; apparently having an earth pony brought in personally by the archmage's apprentice would attract some attention, especially if I didn't have anything to ask the princess for.

As we walk through the castle, almost every unicorn greets Celestia by name. Some of the ones in armor even refer to her as ma'am and salute.

“I had no idea you were so popular,” I tease, knowing full well that eventually she'll be the most beloved pony on the planet.

Celestia’s mood seems to deflate a little at that. “Actually,” she says, “I often lead their magic training, but I can’t really consider any of them my friends. Clover and Starswirl are the only ponies who I can really open up to, and they’re like family to me.”

“What about Luna?” I ask automatically.

“She’s the only blood relative I have left, but we’re not that close anymore.”

“Does that mean you used to be?”

“Yes, when we were foals,” she responds tersely.

“What changed?” I’m probably overstepping here, but now I’m curious.

“I moved into the castle and she enlisted. That’s all there is to it.” Our conversation dies down for a bit after that.

In silence, Celestia leads me back over the bridge I crossed with Luna last night. The land just outside of the castle is filled with plenty of sturdy looking stone houses, shops, and other buildings, all inhabited by unicorns. Celestia and I spend the better part of the morning going through town as she tells me about the different places and ponies. There’s less formality towards Celestia here than in the castle; most ponies greet her by name or as ‘Apprentice Archmage’ and give her a smile, but there’s no one who stops to talk to her beyond that.

My white-coated tour guide then takes me to a football-field-sized area of grass, completely free of the snow that blankets the rest of the ground. There, dozens of unicorns are casting spells at each other and magically throwing spears. They’re all sparring in pairs, with one erecting a shield to defend himself from his partner’s attack before they switch and repeat the process. The area is filled with a cacophony of sound as bolts of different colored magic impact against shields of similar pastel hues. At the far end of the field a grey stone building that stands two stories high, it's wider than any other structure in the unicorn village, save for the castle.

 “Welcome to the training grounds, Astraeus,” Celestia says as we step onto the field. “That building down there is the barracks.”

Before I have a chance to ask any questions, Celestia calls out to a mare nearby. “Focus, Dazzle! You need to concentrate if you want that shield to hold!”

A handful of unicorns notice us and salute Celestia before returning to their training, decidedly faster than before.

“This is where I do half of my studying,” Celestia continues. “And where Aunty Clover usually works during the day.”

“And what exactly do you study here?” I ask, a bit surprised to see the sweet mare so at ease in a military operation like this.

She scans the armored unicorns and comments, “The same thing as everypony else here.” Just then, she grabs a flying spear out of the air with her magic and sends it back in the direction it came from and snaps, “Emerald! I keep telling you to watch where you throw that spear! If you accidentally hurt somepony, you’ll be the only one on cleaning duty for a month!” Shifting her attention back to me, she continues, unphased by her sudden outburst, “I practice spells.”

“Wow, so both you and your sister are soldiers,” I say with a hint of awe and surprise.

Celestia stops walking. I turn around and see her staring at me with all the seriousness in the world. “I train guards, not soldiers. They protect other ponies from monsters; they’re not training for war, like the pegasi.”

“Sorry, I just…”

Celestia continues after I trail off, “It’s okay, Astraeus.” Her face relaxes into her usual smile, but when she begins walking again, she takes up a brisker pace than before. “But just know that we’re not killers like them.”

We continue to the end of the training grounds and enter the barracks. Celestia leads me past several very well-kept rooms filled with bunk beds and storage spaces for weapons and armor. Enough for far more than the roughly thirty guards out on the field. It looks like this place could outfit and house hundreds of unicorns in here.

As we enter the room at the end of the main hall, we’re greeted by a unicorn mare sitting behind a desk. She has a mane the color of grass, violet eyes, and a coat of such a pale shade of green it might be mistaken for white. She’s not nearly as ancient as Starswirl the Bearded, but she does have a few creases around her eyes and muzzle.

The room is flanked by a book shelf on either side and a large window behind the desk, which lets plenty of light in. There are several scrolls of parchment and ledgers on the desk along with a quill and a bottle of ink. They’re all extremely well organized–a stark contrast to the desks in Starswirl’s tower.

“Good morning, Aunty!” Celestia says as she prances over behind the desk to nuzzle the mare. “Astraeus, I’d like to introduce you to my master, protector of-”

“Clover The Clever, at your service,” the mare in question says with a smile, cutting off Celestia’s introduction and giving me a firm hand hoofshake. She motions for Celestia and I to sit at the chairs in front of her desk as she sits back in her large cushioned chair. It makes me feel a bit more at ease in front of the third super powerful unicorn I’ve met since coming here. 

Celestia is nothing but warmth (when she’s not talking about Luna) and Starswirl is a bit too eccentric to take seriously most of the time, but something about Clover worries me. It might just be the fact that her posture shows she’s a military commander (or guard captain), but I feel like I definitely shouldn’t get on her bad side.

The mare in question continues with her introduction, “I’m in charge of security and maintenance around here.”

“What? I thought you were the archmage,” I remark in confusion.

“Yup, I’m in charge of almost every unicorn with magic worth a damn around here. We make sure this castle and the surrounding land is well defended.”

“And the maintenance?”

“Of the night and day,” she finishes. “My old master told me a bit about your home-”

“Starswirl’s here?” Celestia interrupts. She casts a quick glance around the room and over her shoulder, looking on guard for some reason.

“No,” Clover responds. “He said he had to go take care of something with the chancellor’s secretary, of all ponies.”

“What? Why? He didn’t mention anything about that to me.”

“I have no idea, Celestia,” the green mained unicorn says with a sigh. “After half a century, I’ve learned it’s usually easier to just not question the old stallion when he's working on something.” Clover then turns back to me. “Anyway, before my apprentice interrupted me-” Celestia gives her master a sheepish look. “-I was trying to say that here the sun and moon don’t just move themselves. My unicorns take care of that. Although, Celestia’s been running the sun raising and setting teams for a few years now.” The young mare’s expression turns to one of pride at that comment.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, ma’am,” I reply. “And if Starswirl came by earlier, does that mean he mentioned what I'd like to ask you?”

“Oh please, you’re not one of my guards and nopony else is around,” she smiles. “Just call me Clover, but don’t forget,” her expression goes serious for a moment, “in public, I’m Archmage Clover. And yes, Starswirl did tell me about your request. I’d like to hear the full story from you before I agree to help, though. Consider it payment: you satisfy my curiosity about your world, and I help you return there.” Her stone visage turns into a grin.

“Deal,” I say as I match her expression and give her a hoofshake. She seems like a good pony overall. Less eccentric than Starswirl, and definitely more serious.

“In that case,” Celestia chimes in, “why don’t you join us for lunch, Aunty Clover?”

“I’d love to. Just let me make sure these ponies won’t go soft on me while we’re gone.”

Clover the Clever dons a plain-looking winter cloak, and we follow her out to the training grounds. She calls for everyone to stand in attention and then yells, “Shields up!”

The ponies arrange themselves in two long rows facing towards each other with the three of us standing at one end.

“Astraeus, get behind me,” Celestia whispers.

I quickly move behind the white unicorn and she erects a golden shield in front of us. Bubbles of magical energy colored differently for each unicorn appear as every pony other than Clover mirrors Celestia.

Clover takes about ten steps forward and yells, “Ready!” A few dozen pink spears appear and fan out in front of her like a spiked tutu. One for each shield, I assume. Then a significantly larger one materializes, pointing straight at Celestia’s head. I gulp and take a step back, but Celestia and her shield don’t move.

Without warning, every spear shoots away from the archmage. The first impacting Celestia’s shield with a definite crunch. It stops with an inch of the tip poking through to our side, about a foot directly in front of her muzzle. Celestia didn’t even flinch. Then the rest of the spears hit the other shields is rapid succession making a quick series of thumping sounds. Some shields hold and knock the spears harmlessly to the ground, plenty of others manage to catch the spears before they fully penetrate, but over half of them shatter, allowing the spears to sail over the heads of the unicorn guards. I think Celestia’s spear was the only one aimed directly at her; that's either complete confidence in the younger mare or reckless endangerment.

“Those of you who stopped your spears, good job! Take the rest of the day off,” Clover bellows. “Anypony who’s shield didn’t hold, get lunch and then continue drilling until sunset. And be thankful that wasn’t a real attack. Dismissed!”

The lines of ponies relax. Most of them leave the training grounds in small groups, talking about things I couldn’t make out. I do, however, hear a few murmurs of “earth pony.” I guess it is weird for me to be here; I haven’t seen another non-unicorn, save for Luna, in this whole place.

The guards leave a wide berth for our little group of three to cross the training grounds. We head into town and make our way to what seems like a small, fairly empty café. It’s a stout stone building that’s lit by candles on the walls and on the tables. The warmth inside is a welcome change to the frigid weather. We take our seats, and I begin recounting the events of yesterday to the Archmage. 


***


Clover The Clever listened in silence for the duration of my well-rehearsed tale. If she had any guesses as to what the hell happened to me, she let on just about as much as a professional poker player. Once I was finished, I was hit with a barrage of questions about what I felt like before and after landing here, if anything unusual happened in my world, if there were any magical disturbances in my world that I was aware of, etc.

Celestia kept quiet for the majority of lunch; she was just looking out the window most of the time. She’s probably just as bored listening to the story as I am telling it.

Once Clover is all out of questions, she says, “In truth, I haven’t heard of anything like this Astraeus. I can actually see why you think this is Faust’s will Celestia.” The mare beside me perks her ears up and finally looks over at her mentor with a big smile. “But if you were sent here by magical means we’ve encountered before, I’m sure we can get you home.”

“Thank you Clover,” I say and let out a sigh of relief. 

Our food arrives and the conversation dies down as we eat. Thankfully, Clover seems to be understanding about my terrible hoof-eye coordination. Or, if she is bothered by me slurping my bluebell soup like a dog drinking out of a water dish, she doesn’t let it show.

Towards the end of the meal, Clover clears her throat to get Celestia’s attention. She had been spacing out again. “Starswirl told me about the enchantment you broke last night.” She smiles with pride at the younger unicorn before getting back to business. “I’ve decided I want to measure your progress and see for myself just how much you’ve advanced. I can’t go rushing your lessons because the old stallion can’t seal a room as well as he used to,” she chuckles. “You’ll run the gauntlet as soon as we’re done here. This morning, I asked Starswirl to set everything up when he finished his errands, so he should be done by now. Once we see how you do, I can adjust your lessons accordingly.”

Celestia’s demeanor shifts. She’s not looking out the window, but she’s not smiling either. She’s just staring at Clover The Clever, as though she’s looking for something. “We’ll begin immediately?” Celestia says without emotion.

“As usual,” replies the older mare with a smile.

“Can Astraeus join us?”

“If he wishes.”

Because the only other pony I know is probably sleeping somewhere in the sky, I nod. Although, I have no idea what’s going to happen.

“It’s settled then,” Clover says with a smile as she gets up from the table. “Astraeus, give me your hoof.”

I stand and reach out a hoof to Clover, and once she takes it in her own, I feel like I’m pulled by my stomach as my inside and outside parts quickly forget where they belong. The world becomes a flash of pink. I shut my eyes and vomit right where I stand and soon feel a pat on my back and hear Clover laugh and say, “Sorry about that, kid. Your first time teleporting is always the worst. It’ll get better. I promise.”

I open my watery eyes and blink a few times as I get be bearings. The first thing I see is the mess I made, followed by white. There’s snow everywhere, heavier than in town, and we’re surrounded by mountains.

A moment later I hear a crack of magic as Celestia teleports next to us. She-

I hear the rush of air and turn to see a sphere of white energy shoot towards us from some unknown source.

Celestia’s eyes go wide and she disappears in a flash of yellow magic, leaving nothing between my body and the high velocity crackling magic energy death ball! Then the world goes pink as the sphere impacts. I shut my eyes instinctively as the explosion roars, but I don’t feel a thing. I assume it’s because I was killed quickly. At least that’s one positive about my final moment on earth, or wherever the hell I am.

But then I hear laughter. I HEAR FUCKING LAUGHTER! I open my eyes to see a frowning Clover drop her pink shield from around us. We are now standing in a small circular patch snow, surrounded by a 15 foot radius circle of totally snow-free and partially on-fire dirt centered a few feet in front of me.

The laughter dies down and I realize the source as he begins to talk, “Sorry to scare you my colt, but I knew Clover would keep you safe if Celestia didn’t.” Starswirl emerges on top of a snow bank and smiles down at us.

“You almost killed me man! What was that for‽”

“Sorry Astraeus; he does this a lot,” Celestia calls out nonchalantly from about 50 feet to my left.

“Your friend is right, Celestia! If I hadn’t been with him, he would have died,” Clover chides, concerned.

Starswirl’s horn lights up. I’m suddenly teleported again and the 4 of us are close together in a different part of the valley. I manage not to vomit this time, but that's probably just because I already lost the contents of my stomach with the first teleport.

Starswirl lets out a sigh. “This is why I keep telling you it’s not enough to just get out of a dangerous situation. As archmage, it will be your job to protect everypony. Self preservation is essential of course–you can't do your duties if you're dead–but the position of archmage is meaningless if your people have all been killed.”

Celestia’s ears fold back as her other mentor adds on, “Malicious attacks are far different from duels. If you let an errant blast from either yourself or your enemy go unchecked, ponies could get hurt.” Celestia turns down to look at the ground, but Clover gently raises her chin with a hoof. “You’re a wonderful mage, Tia. You can outcast every unicorn, save for Starswirl and myself, but you’ll rarely have time to think everything through in a real-world situation.”

“Exactly!” Starswirl exclaims. “The decision to cast a shield or redirect a spell as opposed to just teleporting away when there are other ponies in the line of fire has to become second nature. There’s rarely time to stop and think when ponies are in danger. Sometimes, you’re forced to just act. I continue to test you like this to make sure that your instinctive response is the right one. All the studying in the world means nothing if you can’t implement the best solution when you really need to.”

Celestia nods. “You’re both right. I’m sorry.” Thankfully, she looks more determined than upset now. And because of that, I think I look more happy than nauseated now.

“It’s alright,” the pale green mare says to her student. “No harm was done. I just want you to be more aware of your surroundings in the future. Now, let’s get started.”

As Clover leads us forward, I get a good look around the area we were teleported to by the crazy almost-murdered-me-to-make-a-point unicorn. I notice that we’re beyond the snow bank he was standing on earlier (unless there’s another area where someone blew up a huge area of snow). It’s a large valley tucked between several mountains. The most noticeable feature is a huge black cloth covering some lumpy… thing that’s about the size of a small building. The snow around the structure seems to have been magically melted. 

The Archmage seems to be leading us away a short way from the shrouded thing to a vertical wall cut into one of the mountains going on for what seems to be the length of a football field. On it are dozens of round holes about one to two feet in diameter. They seem to have been made in pairs as they get progressively deeper every other hole. As we walk along the wall, they go from a few inches to several yards deep. I notice some of that scribble writing under each hole.

Clover The Clever stops walking and breaks the silence I didn’t even realize had surrounded us for the past minute, “Astraeus, these were made by Astral Charm and I when we were training.” Her voice was sad, but she wore a small smile as she spoke. “She was Celestia’s mother, and my best friend…”

“You were the best apprentices I could have asked for,” Starswirl says as he puts a hoof on Clover’s shoulder. “Do you remember how you two would get so worked up about who could blast deeper into the mountain?” The old stallion chuckles a bit as tears begin to form in his eyes.

“I remember that Charm would almost always beat me. And these past few years, you’ve surpassed both of us my faithful student.” Celestia thanks the older mare and they share a nuzzle before we continue.

I feel like I’m intruding on a really personal moment. All three of these ponies are tearing up, but I have no idea what to say. We pass a few moments in silence before we continue to walk down the stone wall.

At some point, the holes change from pairs to being spaced out one at a time, each one significantly deeper than the last. Celestia reads off the date from the hole at the shift and tells me that one was made by Clover a few months before the summer she was born.

Eventually, we get to the end of the holes and the Archmage instructs her protégé to begin. “Astraeus, just so you know what’s going on, the rules are simple. Celestia has to make the deepest hole in the mountain she can while taking as much time as she needs, but we won’t be here long.” What follows is a sudden, almost blinding, burst of golden light emanating from Celestia’s horn directed into the mountain. Several popping sounds follow and the next thing I know there’s a deeper hole in the mountain than any of the others before. It has to be at least the length of a football field and about 30% longer than the hole it’s next to.

“Wonderful power as always, Celestia!” Starswirl beams.

“Yes, but you still need to work on your precision,” Clover counters. “I’d prefer to have you show a little more restraint if it’d let you keep your blast straight.” I look at what the archmage is commenting on and see that the walls of the still molten earth are crooked and rough unlike the earlier holes made by Starswirl's previous students.

“But what’s the point of that, aunty?” Celestia whines. “This is a test of raw power, so what better time to let loose?”

“Fine,” the tired looking green mare sighs. “Just try and remember that The Gauntlet isn’t a test of how hard can you hit something with your magic.”


***


We arrive at the formerly shrouded... device? apparatus? obstacle course? in question. The eager white mare goes to stand on a raised pedestal with confidence I would have expected from the future god-princess. This is surprising because the sheer amount of barbaric killing equipment is scaring the shit out of me, and I’m not the one who has to cross it to reach the small yellow flag that is her finish line. There are pony sized meat tenderizers, a dozen guillotines at various angles, swinging blades, and glowing objects that definitely don’t look friendly. To make things worse, there are only a few small platforms at varying heights leading from Celestia to her goal. What kind of monster came up with this‽

“This is my favorite way to test students!” Starswirl announces. “I don’t remember how many times Charm and Clover ran through it.” I see the archmage smile as she fiddles with a series of levers and ropes with her magic.

“Aren’t you worried about Celestia’s safety‽ This stuff could kill her!”

Clover’s eyes leave her work for the first time since arriving. She stares me down and responds with the quiet force of a mountain, “I’d sooner die a thousand times than see any harm come to that mare. It’s my job to make sure she can deal with anything the world throws at her. This is just a test. If she takes on any injuries, Starswirl and I are right here to patch her up. But when we’re dead and gone, she’ll only be able to rely on her own strength and wit to survive. That’s why we make these tests so treacherous.”

Starswirl chuckles and adds, “Besides, it’s not like Celestia hasn’t dealt with a dozen different gauntlets in the past. She needs this to learn how to be an Archmage.”

“Umm, but how exactly is this useful for Archmages?” I ask, like the only reasonable person here. “Is Celestia really going to be facing giant hammers in the future?”

“You never know,” Clover replies, turning back to the devices controlling Celestia’s foe. “But it’s not about the hammers. It’s about problem solving. Celestia just has to touch the flag. But with new traps, obstacles, and enchantments each time, her simple task has to be solved in different ways every time. The only rules are no teleporting and no touching the ground. Apart from that, anything goes.” Then the archmage yells up at her pupil, “Are you ready?”

Celestia nods and Clover responds by pulling multiple levers, which turns the monstrosity in front of us, turning it from from a terrifying show piece into a living beast. Blades spin like tornadoes. Guillotines drop and raise back up like the maw of a starving creature. The giant mallets thump a fast rhythm into the ground that would be pretty good for a rave if we had more ponies and I wasn’t worried about one of my few allies in this world becoming chunky salsa.

The white mare, who hasn’t said a word since getting on the starting platform, eyes the blades in front of her steadily. I assume she’s planning her timing to jump to the next safe spot. There’s only one guillotine blocking her way and she can probably make it if she’s quick. Instead, her horn lights up and the guillotine’s blade begins to flicker with the golden light of her magic which quickly fades. The Celestia shoots a beam of energy at one of the posts holding the guillotine up. It ricochets off and blasts the peak of a nearby mountain, causing enough snow to shift to trigger a small avalanche. Thankfully, we’re far enough away that it probably won’t reach us.

Celestia lets out a grunt of irritation and creates a coating of magical energy on her back hooves. I can’t help but chuckle at how they make her look like she’s wearing socks. The old stallion standing next to me misinterprets my thoughts and speaks up, “It’s not a bad strategy, you know. She actually managed to destroy the course once with that spell.” As he speaks, Celestia turns around and tries to buck the same wooden post she just blasted. Unfortunately, her magic socks shatter and she lets out a cry of pain. “But every time she completes it, Clover adds the necessary countermeasures to prevent her from using the same method twice.”

“Then why bother trying the same things again?” I ask in bewilderment.

“Celestia knows that it’s important to feel out your opponent to asses their weaknesses. She’s learned that much from my old student. But she hasn’t had to rely on much beyond her magic in life. That’s what Clover struggles to teach her, and that’s why she must continue to run The Gauntlet.” Celestia seems to relax as she takes a few deep breaths, then she forms a pale-yellow sphere around herself. “Interesting, she hasn’t tried a full body shield before. But this definitely won’t work; Clover enchanted all the weapons to repel magic like oil and-”

Starswirl doesn’t finish his sentence as Celestia jumps from inside her sphere of magic through the first guillotine. It begins to fall and strikes the shield when she’s a little over half way through and we both hold our breaths. What follows is a high-speed series of crashes and screams as Celestia barrels back and forth through The Gauntlet like it’s a pinball machine. Her shield holds, thankfully, but she doesn’t seem to have much control over where she’s going.

“I told you not to treat this like a stone wall you can blast through, Celestia!” Clover bellows, showing no indication of plans to slow down the blades. “This is what happens when you don’t think!” Celestia, to her credit, tries to respond. Sadly, all that comes out is more screaming. “Don’t give up! You got yourself into this mess, now figure out a way to use it to your advantage!”

The young unicorn quiets down even though she continues to speed up. I have no idea if it’s due to whiplash or if she’s calming down. I get my answer a few seconds later when large yellow walls materialize and angle themselves around The Gauntlet. Then they move in the path of Celestia’s shield and cause the angle of her bounces to become less unpredictable. Eventually she’s able to send herself hurtling towards the flag at the end of the course and drops her shield just in time to grab it. Sadly, she’s still moving incredibly fast, so she falls into the snow bank below. But I can’t help but let out a cheer when she floats the flag up out of the pony-shaped indentation in the snow she made before climbing out herself.

The three of us rush over to the victorious mare. Starswirl appears delighted and even Clover the Clever wears a pleased smile. “That was amazing!” I cry out. “How did you get yourself under control when you were moving that fast‽”

“It was nothing,” Celestia says with a look of embarrassment, but her heavy panting suggests otherwise.

The older ponies spend the next few minutes giving her observations and critiques, but overall, they seem happy with her performance. By the time they’re done, Clover notes that she and Celestia should get back to help set the sun and raise the moon. I’m about to ask if I can come along to watch when Starswirl hollers, “Wait! Don’t set the sun yet.”

Clover responds in a what-bullshit-is-this? kind of way, “Why should I delay the-”

“I’m supposed to bring Astraeus to stay with the earth ponies before sundown and we’re almost late!”

“What‽” Celestia and I ask simultaneously.

She continues, “Why can’t Astraeus stay with us?”

"I’d need to give a very good reason for keeping an earth pony in our tower, and I do not think saying he’s a being from another world who can see the future would go over well when ponies start asking questions. Now hang on, my colt, try focusing on your hoof to keep from getting dizzy.”

Before I can protest, the crazy old stallion slaps me on the back and I’m re-acquainted with the horrible feeling of teleportation.
> Chapter 5: The Earth Pony Way
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Sun's up, Astraeus! It's time to get to work!

A few expletives escape my lips as the surprise knocks me out of the firm but warm bed I was in just moments ago. I look up to see my host, an old smiling mare, looking down at me. “No time to waste. Have some breakfast so we can head out.”

The old mare trots out of the guest room I was sleeping in and I have a second to think about last night. After Celestia finished The Gauntlet, Starswirl brought me to stay with an acquaintance of his, Smart Cookie. I recognized the mare as Apple Jack’s character in the Hearth's Warming pageant episode. She introduced herself as the secretary of Chancellor Puddinghead, leader of the earth pony tribe.

When Starswirl teleported us into her living room, she had dinner ready and waiting. After we ate, the old stallion teleported away and left the two of us to clean up while Cookie quietly listened to the story of how I arrived in pre-Equestria. With the relaxing evening we had last night, I hadn’t expected her to wake me up at the crack of dawn for whatever work she had planned for me.

I trot out of my room to see my host waiting at the table with a plate of hay and flowers along with some kind of juice.

“Good morning, Cookie,” I sleepily mutter as I sit down and start eating. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“You're very welcome! Now since you're staying here, I hope you don't mind pitching in with some of the work I have to take care of.”

“Of course not,” I say as I take a swig of what I realize is carrot juice and omit how some warning about my dawn wake-up call would have been nice. “What kind of work?”

“Once I sort out some business with the Chancellor, I need to help run the seed distribution. That’s where we give everypony their share of seeds to plant once the pegasi wrap up winter. So we’ll strap a cart on you and have you bring seeds over to sheds at a few plots of land. It shouldn’t be too hard.”


***


After breakfast, we enter Chancellor Puddinghead’s office. The stallion looks a little older than Clover, and as his name suggests, he wears a comically large bowl of presumably pudding on his head. He doesn’t pay too much attention to me during his verbal avalanche at Smart Cookie.

“Cookie! I can’t stress this enough. WE. HAVE. THE. FOOD!!! Why should the unicorns control all the wealth?”

“I’m not saying they should, Chancellor, but when they control the mines that-”

“I don’t care about that! They need what we grow way more than those sparkly rocks and shiny metal they force us to use as currency.” 

I wonder if the pudding is edible.

“But you don’t get to make up the price of food,” Cookie says with a tired sigh. “Ponies are allowed to sell-”

“I know that! But what if just one thing cost way more and we just grew a bunch of that?” the Chancellor, who might actually make pudding every morning for his own headdress, says while digging through a pile of papers on his desk.

“Are you still on about your carrot bill? You already have a few of us doing it to help you out but-”

“Look!” the stallion with the edible hat declares as he displays the paper he was looking for. I can just make out the title: The Mandatory Carrot Juice At Every Meal Law by Chancellor Puddinghead. “I finished my final draft! It’ll be put to a vote later this week!”

“There’s no way that’ll pass, sir. You can’t just cause inflation of Carrots like this!”


***


After about 30 more minutes of arguing, a very frustrated Smart Cookie leads me over to the tribe’s main seed barn. During the walk she kept talking about the economics of produce and the stupidity of her boss who was elected for his “out of the pudding cup” thinking.

When we arrive at the massive seed barn, which should have been described as a multi-story warehouse painted red and white to look like a barn, the old mare gets right to work and starts organizing the throng. My new acquaintance and host begins sending families on their way with giant sacks of seeds with an impressive speed for someone as old as her.

As soon as she notices a family that looks like they need help, she sends me to carry a cart with half of their seed supply. Once I’m strapped in and feeling like I can manage the heavy burden pretty well, Smart Cookie then tells the two fillies they can ride in the cart and assures their parents that I don’t mind the extra weight at all even though I’m convinced my back will fail me after a few steps. The damn little ponies, who introduce themselves as Juice and Jam, are too excited for me to tell them to hop out.

The family turns out to be really friendly; I guess free manual labor brings out that side in people ponies. All four of them pepper me with questions that I have to keep dodging. I can’t exactly tell them that the farm I live on isn’t a farm at all and is literally so far away it probably can’t be quantified with distance. So I opt for, “I’m a traveler. I’ve been away for a long time and I only recently got back.” Thankfully that satisfies them enough to move on to other questions that I have an easier time giving vague non-answers to.

After a walk that had to be at least half a dozen miles, we arrive at their farm. Surprisingly, I managed to pull the seeds and fillies without too much of a problem once we got moving. I unload the cart and get ready to head back for my next job when the mare tells me to wait right where I am. She rushes into the house and emerges a minute later with something wrapped in parchment. “Here, take this, Astraeus. It’s half an apple cake I made last night. It’s the least we can do after ya helped us out.”

The mare’s husband, Cranberry, sees me get ready to protest and adds, “Take it. You’ll regret not having one of Red Delicious’ cakes, especially since you probably didn’t get good home cooking while you were away.”

I relent and thank them for the cake. I say goodbye to the family, but the Jam takes it upon herself to invite me to stop by for dinner sometime. Cranberry is quick to echo the statement and tells me that, “It’s good to be around ponies when you’ve been away from your tribe for so long.”

I head back to the mega-barn with a warm feeling in my chest and a cake in my cart.

The day continues on like that until sundown. Even though every muscle in my body aches, chatting with so many different families really helped lift my spirits.

Helping out the earth ponies seemed to ease some of my worries about being in this children’s show world and pretending to actually be a pony. Although part of that worry was replaced with an unexpected homesickness for my own family.


***


My daily routine has been relatively similar these past few days. No contact from Starswirl or Celestia yet, but the former said it’d be a while before he got everything setup to send me home and honestly, I haven’t minded helping out the earth ponies.

As I head back to Smart Cookie’s house from my last job of the day, a strong gust of wind buffets my cart and me. I continue on, eager to get some sleep after my long day when I get hit with another gust of wind from above…

I look up to see a dark figure, almost like a shadow, soaring overhead. The young not-yet-princess of the night darts off in a direction away from the main hub of the earth pony territory.

I let out a sigh and change my path to follow the mare. I figure she probably didn’t blast me with air to just say ‘hi’ and then leave.

By the time I reach the spot where Luna landed, a clearing on a hill in a lightly forested area, the dark blue mare smirks at me, “So I see my sister decided to make you do hard labor, even though she claimed you were innocent.”

“This was all the old ma-er stallion and Smart Cookie.” I say between exhausted breaths. “Now why didn’t you just come down to walk with me?”

“I can’t be seen in the enemy’s territory.”

“What do you mean enemies?” This area belongs to...

“The earth ponies,” Luna replies casually. “Not you of course,” she quickly corrects, although it does nothing to settle my bristling fur. “If I’m caught, they’ll think I’m spying on them.”

“Are you?” I ask tersely.

“Well, it’s more like recon mostly, but yes. It’s natural to want to get information about your enemy,” Luna says with a slight frown. “Although, that’s not my assignment tonight.”

“Then what is? You have the night off and wanted to make sure the big bad earth ponies didn’t attack me?” I snap and Luna recoils a bit in response. I surprised myself at that. Why am I getting so defensive all of a sudden? “Sorry.” Sure the earth ponies have been nice to me these past few days, but none of this is my problem.

“No,” Luna scowls as she squares her shoulders and tries to stare me down. Since I’m a solid head taller than her and she doesn’t have a weapon pointing at me like before, it doesn’t work. “I’m trying to warn you Astraeus. I was sent to track some unruly weather last night, and it looks like we’ll be getting a strong end-of-winter blizzard this year. You don’t know what this world is like so I want to make sure you don’t take this lightly.”

“Oh. Thanks, Luna,” I mumble.

She nods. “The past few years, we’ve had some of the worst winters in my life, but this one hasn’t been too bad. This storm though… it looks like what should have been all this season’s bad weather combined. It may hit after winter wrap up and cause us to have to do it all over again.”

Oh shit! Time to pack up and move to Equestria. Although in terms of immediate starvation… “What does that mean for the crops? Seeds get planted as soon as the snow is gone.”

“Don’t worry Astraeus.” Luna says through what feels like a forced smile. “If the Commander thinks it’ll be bad, he’ll issue a weather warning before wrap up starts.”

The two of us sit in silence for a while, peacefully watching the night sky. Then the someday Lunar Princess mutters, “I won’t apologize for not believing your story without Celestia’s verification, but I shouldn’t have acted so coldly towards you.”

Slightly dumbstruck, I don’t know what else to say other than, “Thanks, Luna.”

We settle back into our nice calm. That is until my companion begins rifling through her saddlebags to pull out a notebook, writing quill, and, “A telescope?”

Luna nods as she sets it up on a wooden tripod, not breaking the silence. She starts a repetitive process of looking through the brass telescope, flipping through pages in her journal, and marking down some scribbles. It’s almost hypnotic watching the dark blue mare get lost in her work like this.

“Astraeus.” I’m pulled out of my revere when she speaks up. “Do humans watch the stars where you’re from?”

“Yeah,” I reply. “I actually wanted to take an astronomy course myself. On Earth, we have some telescopes the size of large buildings, and-”

“Really?” the pegasus asks with awe. Her eyes now locked on me instead of her instrument.

I spend at least the better part of an hour telling Luna about Earth, and at her urging, focusing on everything from observatories to horoscopes as she continues tracking the night sky. It should have been obvious that this topic would be what finally gets the moon mare talking, even if it’s just to ask me more about various star related human things.

“So how do these planetariums display the stars indoors without magic?”

“I really don’t want to get into how projectors work,” I say with a slight groan. It’s hard enough to avoid talking about electricity. I do not want to accidentally launch these ponies into a medieval industrial revolution when I leave. “But it’s not actually looking at the stars directly. That’s why it works during the day or when the clouds are out.”

“I wonder if that could ever be accomplished here,” Luna says longingly.

“Why don’t you ask your sister? Isn’t she powerful enough to magic you up an indoor star light show?” I realize my companion is being oddly quiet. “Luna?”

“Sorry, just realized I lost track of time. I need to report to my CO as soon as possible.”

I try to get a word out, but Luna’s packing skills outpace my ability to form words. The next thing I know, she’s flying off, camouflaged by the night sky.
> Chapter 6: The Prisoner
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up to the sound of repeated knocking. I hear a groggy Smart Cookie call out to ask who’s at her door. After a moment of quiet that offers a glimmer of hope that I might be able to fall back to sleep, I hear my host yell, “Astraeus, it’s time to start the day!”

“Just a few more minutes, Cookie! The sun’s not even up yet!” I tiredly plead. Last night’s visit from Luna caused me to get back to my temporary home later than usual. As a result, I got less sleep than I’ve grown accustomed to during my time as a workhorse.

The response I get isn’t from the old secretary at all. Instead, I hear Celestia call out, “Sorry for waking you, but that’s kind of the point. I thought you might want to see the sunrise.”

I trot down and find out that the trio of powerful unicorns are finally ready to try and send me home! I say my (potentially final) goodbye to Cookie who smiles and says, “Well it’s been a real treat having you here, and if sending you home doesn’t work out today, I expect you back here tonight for dinner.” She looks to Celestia. “You and your family should come too.”

Celestia stiffens and gives me a terrified wide-eyed look. I try to non-verbally scream ‘I swear I didn’t tell her about Luna,’ but I don’t know how to convey all that without words, so I have no way of calming the white mare. Did Smart Cookie go looking for me last night when I didn’t make it in time for dinner? She could have overheard Luna and I talking! I feel a rush of guilt when I hear how scared the unicorn is as she responds, “M-my family…”

“Of course!” the old mare says. “Just because Starswirl and the archmage aren’t blood, doesn’t mean they’re not your kin. And here I thought you were supposed to be a filly with some sense.”

“Of course,” Celestia replies, still sounding a bit shaken. “I-I’ll let them know. Thank you, Secretary Smart Cookie.”

“And stop with all that formal talk. The fact that Starswirl doesn’t get into all that official nonsense is the main reason we get on so well. You’d best take a scroll from his library in that area.”

Celestia assures her that she will, sounding slightly more relaxed than the near-panicked state she was just in. Then we say our goodbyes and she puts her ha-hoof on my shoulder. “Are you ready to teleport, Astraeus?”

I nod, and a moment later, the world disappears in a golden flash.

When I reorient myself, I'm standing in a grassy field near the unicorn castle. About a dozen unicorns salute Celestia when they see us and she explains, “This is Astraeus. He’s my guest and will be observing us this morning. Is that alright with everypony?”

The soldiery nods and a few offer an “Of course,” or a “Yes, ma'am.”

The mare in charge smiles and thanks the other unicorns. “Alright then, let's get started.” Celestia faces the horizon and lights her horn first. The other unicorns stand behind her and follow suit.

The darkness fades away as the sky becomes a brilliant pink that matches the lead mare’s mane. Once the sun reveals itself, the sky turns its expected azure blue, but the light rays themselves seem to be an extension of the glow coming from Celestia’s horn. I feel some kind of energy throughout my body. A few tears fall and I make no motion to wipe them away. Is this what magic feels like?

For a few heartbeats, I’m paralyzed. The only things that exist are the sun and the mare controlling it. This bliss is ruined by several thumps and the sound of hard panting. Four of the dozen soldier ponies are either dead or passed out, and the rest look too tired to do anything about it.

I rush over to the nearest unicorn and thankfully realize he’s breathing.

Celestia turns around to look at the rest of us. “Is everypony alright?” the serene mare asks with genuine concern but no trace of alarm. Several soldiers manage to force themselves to answer in the affirmative which causes the only unicorn who doesn’t look like she’s in incredibly pain to smile, “Wonderful job all of you. Amber, this is your first time not passing out, isn’t it?”

The mare whose coat matches her name manages a smile and nod as her eyes droop sleepily.

“I’ll have my aunt give your stallion the day off so the two of you can celebrate properly,” Celestia says with a wink. “Once you’ve had a nap and something to eat that is.” She then turns her attention to the group. “That’s all for today; dismissed, everypony.”

Once the conscious members of the sun-raising team head far enough to the castle to be out of earshot, I turn towards Celestia only to see her facing east once again. “Umm,” I try to form the beginning of a thought before I become the new focus of the young someday monarch.

“So, what did you think?” Celestia asks with a hesitant smile.

Seeing the four (thankfully alive) bodies on the ground, I figure the more pressing issue is, “Shouldn’t we be worrying about these ponies first?”

The mare flinches and her ears fold back, “Oh right! Of course, I’m sorry.”

Before I can respond or… apologize for wanting to make sure the unconscious unicorns got medical attention, the world disappears in a flash.

We end up in a stone room, probably the castle, that has what looks like 50 beds only about a third of which have ponies sleeping in them. There are also several unicorns who look reasonably shocked at the assumed dead unicorns in the middle of the room

“Miss Celestia, what is an earth pony doing here?” One mare asks as the other unicorns float the four other teleportees to the beds. Okay, so not surprised by the fainted ponies.

Celestia glares, “Leech, can bring whoever I want to see the sun rise and I’ll thank you to not say another word about it.”

“That may be so, but you do not have authority in my ward. Just because you’re the cause of most of our morning patients does not mean we owe you anything. And it’s Doctor Leech.”

“I’m not the cause of anything! You know before me there were four times as many ponies here each morning.” One of the other medical ponies snorts at the comment which earns him a serious glare from Doctor Fuckface.

“In any case, you’d better be careful with your mud pony. I’d hate it if The Princess accidentally had the spy executed.” The pink-maned unicorn’s eyes go wide.

Okay, this is too much. Time to say something. “How could you think that Celestia-”

“That I wasn’t going to bring him to Princess Platinum right away,” Celestia cuts me off. “So, we need to get going.” She begins to lead me out and then turns back to the non-combative medical ponies, “Please make sure my team is taken care of.”

A mare other than Leech responds, “Don’t worry Celestia, they’re in good hooves like always. Thank you for bringing them in.”

“And for the sunrise,” one of the stallions adds.

The mare magically dragging me out of the room hastily responds, “Of course, it’s just part of my duties.” She slams the door and briskly leads us away.

Once the pony manstallionhandling me releases her telekinetic bindings, she begins to lead the way through the castle corridors. To fill the silence, I ask, “What the hell was that doctor’s problem?”

“She’s never liked me,” Celestia responds, her ears folding back.

“Because…”

“My aunt says it’s because fewer ponies on my team get injured than they used to. I only use a dozen other unicorns, but the moon rising and setting team has over twice as many. Add that to the fact that my ponies have been getting even better at staying conscious and you end up with lots of empty beds in the medical ward.”

“So, this Leech mare is pissed because you’re making her work easier by having less ponies get hurt? That doesn’t make any sense.” I stop walking.

“Yes, it does,” Celestia turns around and frowns. “The Princess has pulled funding back from the ward since it’s not as necessary now. I’m glad I can help my team move the sun more safely, but I took away a lot of power from Leech so I can’t be mad if she hates me.” She then shakes her head and looks at me with a strained smile and changes the subject. “So, what did you think of the sunrise?”

“It was,” Actually, what can I say about it? It looked like an especially pretty sunrise. Ponies don’t pollute, so the clean air probably helped with that. It felt warmer than when you watch a sunrise on earth but that’s not what made it special. There was that feeling, the magic that I felt… “It felt like you shared an experience with me. Something that only you and maybe the ponies on your team get to feel. My world has sunrises, but they’re not… alive like this one was. And I can tell you feel connected to it, so thanks for sharing something so personal like that.”

The forced smile Celestia wore just moments ago melts into one of genuine happiness. Good, I guess that was the right answer. And then she steps forward and OH SHIT! She’s going to kiss me. What do I do?

I tense every muscle in my body and shut my eyes and… feel something warm but far larger than lips rub against the side of my neck. I crack my eyes open and see the white mare nuzzling me. I relax and strangely find myself reciprocating the gesture. This is weirdly nice.

“Thank you,” is all she says before the moment ends and we resume walking in silence. Why was she so happy about my answer? Maybe she still thinks her Lauren Faust god sent me here so she’s glad the envoy of said god was pleased with her sunrise. This could be a problem.

I follow Celestia through the castle and we eventually reach the main entrance. Instead of veering off a side hallway to Starswirl’s tower, we walk straight through to the throne room where I see a number of finely dressed ponies mingling under the bored gaze of a tall mare sitting up on a dais. Her mane is a deep pink and her coat color gives her identity away if the crown didn’t already make it obvious.

“Princess Platinum,” Celestia bows as her magic forces me to follow, “How are you today?”

The monarch’s eyes light up, “We are much better now that thou hast arrived, Celestia! During dinner yesterweek, Clover mentioned you may have an earth pony with you in the coming days, and I have found myself curious ever since. Pray tell, who is this stallion thou hast brought to our court?”

After getting over the feeling of being magically shoved to the floor–at least Celestia had the courtesy mouth an apology–I stand up and answer, “Astraeus, your highness.”

Celestia quickly interjects, “Please forgive him majesty. He-”

“Neigh, do not worry thyself over such things. The stallion cannot be expected to know about the proper ways to refer to those of the royal bloodline. We are far more interested in why he is here.”

“Oh! Um… he’s going to help Starswirl and I with some experiments,” Celestia says, eliciting hushed whispers from the other ponies in the throne room for some reason. “Mainly hauling heavy equipment around and acting as our test subject.”

The Princess sighs and holds a hoof up. “No need to continue my darling Celestia, we already know a bit about this. This has to do with why Starswirl The Great teleported into our chambers several days past and requisitioned our favorite vanity mirror, does it not?”

“You were using that mirror to help you get ready in the morning!?!” Celestia almost shouted.

“Why art thou looking at us in such a way? That positively beautiful piece of art was gathering dust in the vaults. We gave it a lovely home amongst our other treasures in the royal bed chambers.”

Celestia looks like she’s about to have an aneurysm, but then just deflates, “It’s nothing, your majesty… anyway, I’d like to formally request that Astraeus be given the same protections I’m afforded while he’s here. He’s already undergone an interrogation spell, and it’ll be easier for him to move freely in and out of the castle to get supplies for Starswirl and I.”

“Oh, of course, anything for you, Celestia,” the princess smiles. “When we have lunch with her, we shall tell Clover to inform the guards and castle staff that Astraeus is to be treated with the same privileges befitting the apprentice archmage herself.”

“Thank you, Princess,” Celestia bows and I imitate the gesture. It’s a weird feeling on four legs.

“No need to thank us, Celestia. Although, we would very much appreciate it if you could see that our former archmage returns the mirror when you two are done playing with it. We have so missed seeing ourselves in it each morning,” Princess Platinum said in a very regal whine.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Celestia said with a slight giggle. “And to make up for lost time with your reflection, how about I make those cakes you like when we have tea tomorrow?”

The Princess clopped her hooves together in excitement. “That sounds absolutely divine! We shall now have something to look forward to amongst all the banal tedium that court brings.” I turn to look at the mingling courtiers who are all looking slightly ashamed and glancing away from the princess.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, Princess! But for now, Astraeus and I really do have to get to work.”

“We understand. Although, we do wish you could stay longer. Fare-thee-well, Celestia, and you as well, young stallion.” We bow and I follow Celestia out of the throne room.

Once we were in the mostly empty part of the castle that leads to Starswirl and Celestia’s tower, I bring up something that was on my mind after meeting The Princess Of Being Rich. “You seem to get along really well with the Princess…” I trail off, not knowing how to continue that thought without offending her.

“Is that strange? She’s known me almost since I was a little filly.”

“I just mean, you seem really down to earth and friendly to everyb- everypony. Meanwhile, I think Princess Platinum just called everypony in that room except us too boring for her. She just seems kind of-”

“Snobby and full of herself?” Celestia asks, and I nod. “Well, she definitely is, but I still like her. I know that might not make much sense to you, but…

I pause, waiting for her to continue. “I don’t meet a lot of ponies willing to talk to me as an equal, let alone talk down to me. Being around the Princess - not having her revere me ­– it lets me know that she actually likes me, not the magical prodigy little filly adopted by ponykind’s great savior, not the second highest ranked guard, and not even the eventual archmage. I’ve seen Princess Platinum argue with Starswirl, order around my aunt, and act like I’m her grandfoal even though she's not even a decade older than I am. That mare doesn’t view anypony as more powerful or important than her no matter how much magic they have. In a weird way, I really like how full of herself she is.”

“I can’t exactly relate, but it kind of makes sense,” I say and then go quiet, thinking about how weird her life must have been to result in Princess Diva being the pony she can find to treat her semi-normally.

“Hey, Astraeus?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for not being afraid of me.”

***

When we arrived at Starswirl’s and Celestia’s tower, the latter immediately went to prepare breakfast. I sat at the table with Starswirl and an exhausted Archmage Clover. She’s definitely not a morning person.

To pass the time, I decide to strike up a conversation. Starswirl’s busy scribbling in a notebook and comparing diagrams and magic-y looking circles on several sheets of loose paper so he’s out. The mare of the group on the other hand isn’t doing much other than sip her tea.

“So, Archmage, you seem… tired today.” Oh, fantastic job! How is it that I’m kind of becoming friends with the future princesses of Equestria? I’m amazed that none of these ponies have seriously injured me yet for all the stupidity that falls out of my mouth.

Thankfully, Clover the Clever doesn’t kill me. She just lets out a grunt and sips her tea. Surprisingly, Starswirl pipes up with a laugh. “You’d be far more than tired if you had to force the moon to move, colt.”

“But Celestia seemed to do it no problem.” My thoughts were emphasized by the sounds of the mare in question humming a tune happily as she cooked, unaware of our conversation.

Clover’s face breaks into a small smile, “That filly is special. She’s never been able to make the moon so much as budge, but she moves the sun like it’s an extension of herself. I just wish her cutie mark was a sun and a moon; then maybe I could avoid feeling like I’ve climbed a mountain before breakfast every day.”

“That’s definitely the best part of retirement,” the old stallion laughs, causing his former student to give him a glare.

***

As we ate breakfast, Starswirl explained the magical mechanics behind sending me home. Celestia let him speak without interrupting and Clover seemed to be too occupied with waking up to interject. I understood next to nothing, but nodded my head absentmindedly. Normally, I’d be more interested in how this stuff works, but I had just woken up and magic theory was so far away from anything I had a clue about.

Starswirl’s lecture finally came to a close as we finished eating. “-and so for our preliminary trials, I’ll be maintaining the portal and Celestia will be monitoring you and Clover from our end. She can provide assistance if need be.”

“Wait,” I ask, finally taking an interest in something he mentioned. “Why does Clover need to come with me? And what kind of assistance could we need?”

“I’ll be there to protect you,” the older mare answered with only a slight yawn. Not exactly filling me with confidence. “In case something in the world we’re going to ends up trying to kill you.”

“Umm,” I began, trying to find a way to voice my concerns without insulting the mare who’s job it is to keep me away from the grim reaper. “Are you going to be okay doing that with how tired you-”

I stop mid-sentence and turn towards Celestia as she lets out a gasp. Her coat, and the whole world for that matter, match the pink of her mane for some reason. Then I look to my left at where her eyes are locked in horror and see a sharp paring knife about a foot away from me, locked directly between my eyes. My heart dropped.

The knife had Starswirl’s distinct grey-white aura around it as the stallion himself grinned at me. THIS PONY IS FUCKING CRAZY!!! I turn to the right and see my savior’s horn glowing, realizing everything is pink because of Clover’s magical shield. It took every ounce of willpower to not pass out right then and there.

“What did you do that for!?!” Celestia screamed at the stallion-almost-turned-assassin. With that, both of the older unicorns dropped their magic simultaneously.

Then Starswirl The Bastard started laughing! “If I hadn’t taught my little Clover well enough to stop an attack like that, even in her current state, then I would wholeheartedly admit my own failure as an archmage and accept a sentence of death for murder.”

“You’re an idiot, you old stallion,” my savior mutters before taking a sip of her tea.

“How could you say such a thing? Especially right after this demonstration of my trust in you,” Starswirl responds, sounding hurt. “I guarantee he feels far safer with you around now. Anyway, with that settled, shall we migrate to the mirror, everypony?”

Clover shrugs, downs the rest of her tea, and follows Starswirl out of the kitchen. The white mare walks over to me and puts a comforting hoof over my back, “Astraeus, I’m so sorry he scared you like that… and I’m sorry I didn’t react fast enough. He probably only pulled that stunt to teach me a lesson.”

Still too in shock to respond, I let Celestia lead me into the living-room/laboratory.

The mirror seems to be made of a strange purple metal and looks like an elongated horseshoe. It has rubies inset into it and thin pieces of silver spiraling around it to make it look like something at home in an old Victorian castle. The circular base is tiered like a two layered wedding cake. There’s a picture of a pony rearing up on a seemingly decorative element at the top of the mirror. The whole thing doesn’t really scream Arcane Interdimensional Portal.

As my heart rate decreases, I manage to ask the stallion who had, less than a minute ago, tried to kill me, “Why is your portal mirror so… pretty?”

“I know,” the stallion groans. “Her majesty saw fit to have the mirror improved. I actually don’t mind the appearance, but I was so worried it had been damaged. Thankfully, it passed all the tests we’ve been running on it.”

“We haven’t tried to tune the mirror yet,” Celestia says. “So you’ll end up in the sirens’ dimension. Based on what I’ve seen of your world and what you’ve told of it, it actually might be it. All you have to do is go through, see if the world matches yours, and come back.”

Starswirl turns to the mirror and zaps it with his magic. It begins to glow and he invites Clover and I to step through with a flourish of his hoof. I nod slowly and approach, but then something hits me, “What was that about sire-”

I’m interrupted by a shove from behind, and the next thing I know I’m plummeting through what feels a magical toilet flush. I’m able to make out Clover’s voice saying, “You’ll be fine,” which isn’t fully drowned out by my screams of terror, but does little to suppress them.

I faceplant into a solid stone ground. I’m a little dazed but I need to make sure I didn’t break my nose… Holy shit I have a normal nose again! Am I really back to being a human? Let’s see: hands, check; feet, check; round ears, check; normal sized junk and balls, unfortunately check. Apart from that last part, this is great!

“If you’re done grabbing your crotch, we have some exploring to do,” I hear Clover say behind me. I can barely make out my surroundings since the area is just lit by a few torches, but I turn to see a woman staring at me who seems to be in her late 40s. Her clothes hug her toned muscles, yet she’s not overly bulky. She looks like a mom, with the body of a professional swimmer. Her face has a certain easy beauty to it, as though she was just born with a pretty face but never gave two shits about it.

“Clover, you’re hot!” I announce to the absolute milf yawning above me.

The now-human archmage studies her body with a hum. “Is this what your species looks like? Strange.” She helps me to my feet, barely keeping balance herself, and looks around, “Thankfully, we seem to be in a village, but the sun hasn’t risen yet. Let’s find a place to hide and observe.”

She leads us over to an alleyway between two stone buildings. The buildings and lack of electric lighting seem medieval at latest, but I’ve heard that there are some places that keep old buildings intact for historical significance.

We sit in silence for about ten minutes. Her staring at where the sun will rise and me staring at her tight athletic figure. Damn, guard training keeps her in shape.

Eventually light floods the sky and I’m reminded of the other sunrise I saw this morning. I feel really underwhelmed at this one. There’s no warmth, no jolt of magic. An image of Celestia excitedly asking me what I thought of her sunrise (to the point of forgetting about a few unconscious ponies) plays in my head. Then a question enters my mind, “Clover, do you have any idea why Celestia wanted to show me the sunrise this morning?”

“Compared to this non-magical garbage,” she nods to the possibly earth sunrise in front of us, “you didn’t find ours more beautiful?”

“No, it’s not that. It was amazing! But isn’t it sort of normal for you ponies?”

My stakeout companion nods at my question.

I elaborate, “What I mean is, Celestia seemed to be so excited to show me. She woke me up early when she could have just gotten me from Cookie’s house after breakfast. And even when we arrived in the castle, she kept asking what I thought about it.”

The mare woman (Ugh! Right when I start using proper species terms.) studies me carefully, “And what did you tell her?”

“I said it felt alive and that it felt like she was sharing something really personal with me. The thing is, then she nuzzled my cheek and thanked me like I just… I don’t know, but she seemed weirdly happy for just me complimenting her work.”

She remains quiet for a few seconds and then stairs out to the horizon, “Astraeus, I want you to consider the archmage position as a sentence placed on the odd unicorn for being powerful.”

“What are you talking about? And what does this have to do with how Celestia was acting?"

“If you want to understand that mare, you have to understand her responsibilities. Those responsibilities bind her and those of us who came before her. We’re all trapped even though we’re not locked away in dungeon cells.”

“Okay, fine, I want to understand her, but how are you trapped? You, Starswirl, and Celestia are the three most powerful beings I’ve ever seen. I don’t think all the other unicorns combined could stop any of you three from just leaving if you wanted to.”

“Duty,” Clover states plainly as the first signs of life begin appearing in the village. “I’ll never leave regardless of the problems we unicorns may have. Were you aware that Starswirl was the first archmage to ever resign?”

I shake my head, curious as to where this is all going.

“Well he was, and even he still remains in the castle. We refuse to abandon our tribe.”

“So what makes being archmage so bad? If you still want to stay, then what difference does it make?”

“Even prisoners have friends, Astraeus, so I’ll admit my life isn’t all bad. This position lasts our whole lives.” She lets out a sad chuckle. “And our lives are far longer because of the magic that earned us our titles. The truly awful thing is that it’s a sentence of isolation. The only living ponies close to me are my mentor and protégé. My parents started looking at me with more reverence than love the day Starswirl named me his successor.”

“Oh,” is all I can say. As the sun brightens the world, I see that Clover’s skin is a pale green, almost like she’s going to be sick. Not knowing what else to do, I press her on her last comment, “Are you mad at him? For retiring early, I mean.”

“No, I understand why he did it.” She sighs. “That stallion is more my father than the one who sired me. I saw what the old king’s death did to Starswirl. Imagine losing the only pony in the world who viewed you as an equal.”

I let out a gulp at the uncomfortable thought. “You're just exaggerating, right? It’s not like nopony sees you three as one of them.”

Clover shakes her head sadly. “Royalty is about it in my experience. It’s why I like Platinum so much.”

I sputter in surprise at that, “Really? You like that pony? You’re making about as much sense as Celestia. A pony like… well, you can’t like that stuck up mare.”

“Because I train guards and research magic all day and she’s a spoiled brat who’s never worked a day in her life?” I nod. “You’re not wrong, Astraeus. Our personalities are as different as night and day, and that means a lot coming from the moon’s maintenance mare.” She flashes me a halfhearted smile. “But she’s one of the few ponies I know who’s not the least bit afraid of my powers. And to tell you the truth, even her bossy attitude is refreshing. Everypony looks at me like I’ll blow up their home if they so much as step on my shadow.”

“Could you?” My fear causes me to ask the most pressing question as opposed to letting her finish her point.

“I hope you know that I’d never abuse my magic that way, but yes, all three of us are easily that strong. I can make a shield to fend off a full scale pegasus invasion. The earth ponies would probably all have to work for an entire year to build a fortification as strong as something the old stallion could conjure up in five minutes. And Celestia has more raw magic power now than either of us did at her age.”

I just stare at her in silent awe. I’ve seen Celestia use her magic to complete an obstacle course, drill a hole, and clean dishes, but from what Clover is saying, my fears of pissing her off and dying because of it aren’t totally unfounded.

“That look you’re giving me now, that’s why being archmage is like being sent to the dungeons.” Clover snaps me out of my reverie. “The sole ruler of the most powerful tribe of ponies is the only individual who ever considered Starswirl a true comrade. I’m kept too busy to settle down and have a foal, assuming I could even find a stallion out there who’s not terrified of me and the thought of the super powerful baby I might have. It gets lonely.”

I just sit there. Silently trying to process everything Clover just said, not to mention figuring out how this relates to Celestia’s sunrise. That turning out to be too difficult, I focus on the more important task at hand and look at the villagers who are walking from their homes to what appears to be an outdoor market.

“They’re too colorful,” I inform Clover.

“What?”

“The humans,” I explain, noting all the shades of pastel reds and blues that definitely aren’t normal. “People on my world aren’t as colorful. Plus, their technology seems way less advanced.” I point out a cart pulled by a horse walking through the village square.

I laugh a bit when I see Clover’s eyes go wide at the sight of the horse. This time I take the lead as we head back to the horse statue we came out of.

As we approach the portal, the mare-turned-human sighs. “My point with all that rambling is: Celestia was happy you didn’t freak out when you saw what she did.”

I stop right before the portal and turn back to Clover, “I didn’t know it was such a big deal…” I trail off. Well, I did, but I knew she’s basically going to be a god in the future, so this didn’t feel like much.

“Either way,” Clover smiles, “you're not scared of her. That’s enough.” As she walks past me towards the solid stone, she hip checks me. “At least for now…”

“What do you mean for now?”

“I’m just saying there are other ways to show her how ‘not scared’ you are before we find your actual world,” the sexy Clover milf says to me with a wink.

“Wh- I-” I stutter which elicits a cackle out of the archmage as she steps through the portal. I follow, cheeks burning.
> Chapter 7: Bedroom Rejection
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been almost a week since I went through the portal. That evening, Celestia, Starswirl, and Clover joined Smart Cookie and me for dinner. It went about as expected. Starswirl spent most of dinner working on interdimensional magic portal calculations and occasionally talking tribal politics with Cookie. Clover and Celestia barely managed to stay awake after lowering the sun and raising the moon, but Celestia, to her credit, insisted on helping me with the dishes at the end (thankfully not by setting them on fire). The whole time, Cookie just kept trying her best to keep lively conversation going. It wasn’t exactly normal, but it was nice. It kind of reminded me of having big family dinners during the holidays.

Celestia popped by a few days ago to have me check on another world they’d found that resembled earth, but sadly it wasn’t home. She assured me that they’d keep looking and let me know when they found another potential match.

Since then, I’ve continued my work as a normal earth pony and earlier today, I ended up running into Cranberry Pie, the stallion whose family I helped haul seeds with on my first day of earth pony work. We got to talking, and he insisted I come to his house for dinner. Which is how I found myself in my current situation…

“-even if they’re always pickin’ fights, I’d take a pegasus over a unicorn any day Red!” the stallion said to his wife as their rant about the other tribes heated up.

“The unicorns aren’t so bad; most of them are just lazy,” the mare, Red Delicious countered. “Besides, we need them to keep the sun shining! But this pegasus mare I ran into the other day just started the rain without so much as a holler to-” I can’t believe they’ve been going on like this for so long… I didn’t think I was being invited to Thanksgiving dinner with my grandpa. It didn’t start off like this. We were just talking about winter wrap up and then things just blew up. I can barely- “-aeus?”

“What?” My ears perk up involuntarily at the sound of my made-up pony name. “Sorry, I spaced out for a second.”

“I was askin’ what your take was Astraeus? Are unicorns or pegasi worse to be around?” Oh god, I knew this was coming.

“Umm, well…” Thinking back on it, Starswirl tried to kill me just this week. But Clover did save me so that might even things out on the unicorn front. And while Princess Platinum and Doctor Leech suck, Celestia has been nothing but kind to me. Now the pegasi are– Come to think of it, Luna’s the only pegasus I know, and she threatened to kill me when we first met; but that doesn’t really seem fair to judge all pegasi on that, or even Luna since she did apologize.

I don’t think saying that I have no real problem with either tribe is the right answer here. Thankfully, before I have to come up with some kind of answer for my hosts, the younger filly, Cranberry Jam, asks, “Why don’t ya have yer cutie mark yet Mr. Astraeus? I don’t either and-”

“Jam! Ya can’t go askin’ grown ponies questions like that young lady. It’s rude,” Cranberry admonishes before turning to me. “Beg yer pardon, she tends to let her curiosity get the best of her.”

“Oh no problem,” I reply. Internally cheering on the little filly for getting me out of that awkward conversation. “I just haven’t figured out my special talent yet, Jam, but I’m sure we’ll both figure them out soon!” She beams at me and I take advantage in the shift in mood to ask Jam’s older sister a question, “So Apple Juice, how’d you get your cutie mark?” Hopefully this’ll make sure we don’t start back up on how having a horn or wings makes you an asshole.

The earth pony family spends the rest of the evening sharing stories about their special talents, how Cranberry and Red first met, and even some adorable ones from when the fillies were little. Overall, it left me smiling all the way through my moonlight walk back to Cookie’s place. I barely even noticed the weight of my saddle bags, now filled with half a dozen full meals worth of leftovers which Red insisted I take to have with Cookie as a thanks to her for assigning me to help them with the seed hauling last week.

When I enter my temporary house, I hear Smart Cookie talking to somepony. Weird, I haven’t seen her entertain guests this late in the evening. I then hear the voice of a mare I know very well. “So now that we’ve got your planting schedule sorted out, is there anything you want me to report back to my aunt?” Celestia says.

“No thank you, my dear. I really appreciate you bringing this back to the archmage for me, even though that’s not the real reason you came here,” my host says with a sly smirk as I enter the kitchen where the two mares are having tea and looking over some paperwork. God, their entire alphabet looks like squiggles to me. Celestia starts at my sudden entrance and then offers a hesitant greeting.

“Hey, Celestia, what are you doing here so late?” I ask. “Did you find a new potential world?” I really hope this one’s it. Life here hasn’t been bad at all, but the longer I stay the more school work I’ll have to catch up on. I am not excited about that.

“No,” Celestia says as she turns away and frowns. This is weird, something must be bothering her.

“Then wha-”

“Astraeus. I was wondering if you could accompany me on a walk tonight.” The clearly flustered unicorn says with a bit too much force behind her voice. Meanwhile, Cookie gives me the biggest shit-eating grin.

Wait… nervous Celestia; she’s speaking weirdly formally; request to go do something together, at night, ALONE; Cookie looking like she just won a bet. IS FUCKING PRINCESS CELESTIA ASKING ME OUT???

Oh no no no, I ain’t gonna fuck the pony past up this bad. I like these guys way too much to fuck up their future government just to get my dick wet. I guarantee Lauren Faust didn’t write Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria, the god damn God horse who ruled over literally everyone in the country had a fling with this engineering student... No. No. No. Oh Hell No! Also, she’s not human. That’s also a problem… even though she is weirdly pretty. “I can’t tonight because umm… because I have to get up early tomorrow and work!” Fucking genius! Use the old earth pony work ethic. Great job! “Yeah! I have to earn my keep, or else Cookie here can’t really be called Smart for letting me lounge around all day in her house without–”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, Astraeus.” And just like that, the old mare who I thought was my friend sells me out for her own amusement. “You’ve been such a wonderful help recently. Stay out as late as you two want and sleep in as long as you need tomorrow.”

“You don’t have any other objections, do you?” Celestia asks without meeting my gaze. A worried look apparent on her face.

Oh crap, I guess I just have to let her down easy when she makes a move. Or just ignore the signals and pretend like this is a totally normal midnight walk between friends. A friend who came to your house and basically got permission from your guardian to take you on said walk. Oh god, how am I gonna get through this? “Of course not. Sleeping in was the only problem. But now,” I give Cookie the scariest death-glare I can make, “­How. Could. I. Say. No?”

“Great! In that case, let’s get going.” Celestia, seeming to be too nervous to notice my own special blend of anxiety and pissed-off, gives me a small smile. Her general demeanor, however, doesn’t improve beyond that. The poor thing must be really hoping this goes well. I had no idea she thought of me this way.

After putting my saddlebags down, and quietly telling Cookie that she doesn’t deserve Red Delicious’s cooking after this betrayal, I follow Celestia out into the moonlight.

We walk in silence for a while, heading towards the forests on the outskirts of the unicorns’ domain. Eventually, Celestia’s voice cuts through the sounds of nighttime wildlife and the gentle breeze rolling across the tree line. “It’s such a beautiful night. Thank you for joining me, Astraeus; this truly means a lot to me.”

“Oh sure, don’t mention it.” Ughh! Why couldn’t we have just stayed quiet the whole time?

“I don’t usually get to do this kind of thing.”

“What? Walk?”

“No, enjoy another pony’s company. As equals.”

“You know I’m not actually a-”

“I didn’t mean it like that Astraeus,” Celestia says with a shake of her head. “I’m trying to say you’re one of the few ponies who doesn’t treat me like a tool or a-a weapon to be used! It’s like what I was telling you about before. I’m always Miss Celestia or Apprentice Archmage or–”

“But don’t Clover and Starsw–”

“Like that! Nopony ever interrupts me except my mentors and The Princess.” Celestia makes a full stop and turns towards me. “But they don’t count. They’re above me. I don’t get to be on the same level as anypony else… except you.” Her eyes lock on mine. “There’s nopon- no individual other than you who I can share a late-night walk like this with.”

The only sound I hear for the next few moments is the pounding of my heart. I’m definitely panicking. Quick! Say something to get out of this. “What about Luna? I bet she’d love a walk under the stars. The moon’s on her butt for Pete’s sake!”

Celestia pauses her step, her intense gaze softening for a brief moment. Then, as though nothing happened, the focus returns to her eyes and she resumes walking. “I could never invite Luna. She sees me only when there’s no getting around it. Besides, she’s –” Celestia pauses a moment as we step through the forest’s tree line and I swear I see a faint glow of yellow out of the corner of my eye. “– several hours north of here anyway.”

“If she really didn’t like you, why would she tell you where she was?”

“She hasn’t told me where she goes since she signed up for the pegasi military,” she reluctantly admits, mild irritation entering her voice. “I keep a tracking spell on her.”

Wait, what? I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that she can do it but, “Ummm… why?”

“Is it strange that I’m worried about my sister?” Celestia asks defensively. “It lets me track her down if she ever gets lost scouting or, Faust forbid, captured by monsters."

I’m about to respond and bring up things like privacy and Celestia being overprotective since her little sister was ready to spear me for just falling out of the sky, but before I can say a word, we arrive at a forest cottage and my guide announces, “We’re here,” with a strange amount of trepidation in her voice.

The place looks like a run-down version of Fluttershy’s cottage from MLP. It seems like it would have once been a nice place to live, but now, faded colors and rotting wood are all that’s left. Although, when Celestia opens the door, I realize it’s strangely devoid of cobwebs and dust.

“And here is…” I prompt.

“My house,” Celestia replies matter-of-factly. “Well, my family’s house. It’s where Luna and I lived until our father passed on.”

“I’m sorry–” Oh god, she’s brought us here to get some privacy. “–about your dad, you know.” I knew this was a romantic walk! “It’s too bad he died when you and Luna were so young.” Yes! She can’t think about sexy stuff if we’re talking about death! Maybe I should ask her to tell me about how her mom died again.

“Come down this way, I want to show you my old bedroom.” Fuck! 

Reluctantly, I follow along, my attempts at morbid conversation doing nothing to stop this pony-minx’s determination. We enter a small bedroom with two beds in it. The sheets look recently cleaned for an abandoned house. She definitely planned this.

“You can sit on my bed,” she says with a nod at the one under the window. I comply, heart pounding.

“Astraeus, do you trust me?” I gulp.

To not try and seduce me and do who knows what to your future as the leader of a country? No. “Um… of course. Why do you ask?”

She doesn’t answer, and instead just goes to grab something from the closet. Opting to bend down instead of use her magic. If she were human, this would be really tempting.

I should say something. Stop her before she does something and I have to turn her down after the fact. “Celestia-”

“Astraeus, I want–”

“I don’t think this is going to work!”

“–to show you some of Luna’s old things,” Celestia says in time with my shout.

What? I freeze as my brain replays the past hour with Celestia and falls very short of an explanation.

“So, you knew what this was about after all?” The disappointed mare is holding a telescope asks me.

Fuck no! “Of course, I did.” I thought you were trying to get into my pants. But that doesn’t matter now, because you seem to think I’m some kind of psychic so I’m going to roll with it! “It was pretty obvious.”

“I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it, but I guess I shouldn’t have underestimated a chosen of The Goddess.”

Not this shit again. “Oh no… that’s not–”

“You’re right, sorry. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, so you probably noticed my mood on the way over.” Thank god I didn’t tell her I thought she was horny! “Will you at least hear me out? Please?”

“Sure, go for it.”

As I’m still trying to figure out what any of this has to do with one of Luna’s telescopes, Celestia launches into a lecture that would have put my professors to shame. She outlines all the reasons why Luna turning into, as she put it, "some evil pony-killing monster," would be bad for the future. She brings up the fallout on intra-tribal relations that could be caused if an alicorn, the living symbols of perfect unity between ponies, caused harm to others. She goes into all the ways Luna could be saved, and how if she does have suppressed evil tendencies, she could channel them into some kind of creative outlet. Honestly, she’s making a lot of really persuasive points.

As the concerned sister continues her argument, she begins to lose the professorial way of speaking she had in the beginning. All the while, I quietly listen. Knowing full well that I’m going to have to break her heart just like I did my first night in this world.

By the time she’s finished, Celestia has tears streaming down her face and she shouts her pleas into my silence. This is worse than before. She had to have written this speech in advance. It feels like she even rehearsed it.

I barely register that she’s stopped talking. We just stare at each other in silence. Even though I’m down on her bed and she’s practically standing over me, she looks so vulnerable. This god-like unicorn with the power of armies looks like a scared little animal. I guess there’s no other way to do this than to rip the Band-Aid off.

“I’m sorry, Celestia, but I ca-” In a flash, I feel a soft force against my lips, and her muzzle is against mine. I see the tears on her face and feel the sad desperation in the kiss. I feel her magic press my shoulders back to get me to lean into the bed. My mind floods with sensation and conflicting thoughts as I feel her tongue meet mine. She must have had some kind of fruit after dinner. Strawberries maybe?

And just as fast as it began, I regain my senses and pull away from the mare. “No!” Celestia recoils. Drying tears on her face and hurt in her eyes. “This isn’t how things are supposed to be! You shouldn’t know me and you can’t do anything to stop your sister from becoming Nightmare Moon! And this,” I gesture at both of us, “Won’t change that!”

“But-” Her voice breaks. Part speech, part sob.

“I’m sorry, but this has to happen to Luna. It’s for the best.” I say, my tone cooling. “I won’t help you stop it.”

Celestia gets up off me and the bed, and after a moment turns around to face me. Her expression startles me so much, I don’t know how to respond. She doesn’t look angry or even upset. She just seems broken. It’s the face of somepony who’s just given up. And I caused it…

I see her horn begin to glow, but my nerves keep me frozen in place. Before I have time to say anything to ease the situation or comfort her, she disappears.
> Chapter 8: Stargazing
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I amble out of the abandoned cottage that used to be the royal sisters’ home, trying to clear my head of what happened with Celestia.

First, she invites me out on a nighttime walk, which feels a lot like a date; the fact that Cookie thought so too means that pony-culture thinks of that stuff the same way. She brings me to her childhood bedroom—having me sit on her bed for fuck’s sake—so I’m expecting her to make some kind of move. Then, I find out this was all about Luna and Celestia just wanted to, once again, try and get me to prevent Nightmare Moon. So, I shift to ‘let her down easy and get her to accept that her sister going evil is just a thing she has to deal with’ mode and she fucking kisses me! What the Hell’s up with that?

“-s?”

Was she just trying to seduce me into fucking up her future? Normally, getting knocked up would be the cause of that, but this would be way worse!

“-eus.”

And what if she actually wanted to kiss me? She couldn’t have thought that I’d go for that, right?

She’s super nice and all, but she’s still a horse! Bronies on earth don’t-”

“ASTRAEUS!” comes a shout that nearly causes me to trip on a tree root. I realize I’ve just emerged from the forest and a familiar, slightly annoyed, but very confused looking mare stands directly in front of me.

“Lu-Luna? Where’d you come from?” She’s dressed in full armor and carrying her spear, but for once it’s not pointed at me.

“Me?! I was going to get my next assignment when I saw something move at the edge of this forest. I thought it was Celestia.”

“Really? Why'd you think I was your sister?”

“Our old house is nearby, but we abandoned it when our father died,” Luna says with a touch of melancholy.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You had nothing to do with it. But… thanks.” Shifting gears, she gets back on to a topic I was hoping she'd forget about. “What about you? Why were you all the way out here?” she demands. “Do you realize what would have happened if you’d been seen by a pegasus other than me?”

“What?” I defend. “Is there something wrong with –” Oh crap, probably shouldn’t tell her about Celestia.

It’d actually be good to get her thoughts on the kiss, but it probably wouldn’t go over well if I went with, ‘Hey Luna! Soooo, your sister invited me back to your old bedroom to beg me to prevent you from becoming an evil Alicorn capable of killing ponies, and even though I’m pretty sure evil-you will never actually eat little fillies, Celestia’s still REALLY freaked out about it. So anyway, why’d your sister kiss me?’ Yeah, probably best to leave out that stuff.

“– is there something wrong with uh… taking a nice walk under the stars?” Perfect! Luna loves the stars!

“No,” the mare puzzles, “but if any other pegasus were to find you they could have thought-”

“What? That I was some big scary spy?”

“Yes! Don't you get it???” Her exasperation slowly turns to tired resignation as she continues. ”We're not at war now, but each tribe is preparing for the possibility. They almost always are.”

“I think the pegasi are just paranoid. I haven't seen anything like that from the unicorns or earth ponies. Actually, the unicorns do pretty intense guard training, but Celestia says that's just for monsters and stuff.”

“That's mainly true,” Luna admits. “But they don't need to send out infantry when my sister is a super-weapon. And they have two archmages better than her at the moment.”

“Okay, you can't be accusing Starswirl, Clover the Clever, and your sister of plotting to destroy the other tribes. That's impossible!”

“No, of course not! But Commander Hurricane doesn't know them like I do. All he knows is that the unicorns have three powerful weapons instead of the usual two.” Cutting me off before I can object, she says, “I'm not saying I agree, but think about how it looks to most pegasi.”

“Okay, fine, but the earth ponies are definitely clean though.”

“No, they’re not. You just don't see the signs. Listen a bit more the next time you're hauling carts, you might learn something.”

Could Luna be for real? The earth ponies I've met don't seem battle-ready. A bit racist, maybe, but no one’s doing combat training.

Wanting to convince me, Luna continues, “The Chancellor is indirectly rationing the majority of their food Astraeus. That's a sure sign of war.”

“What? That's impossible. We eat just fine, and more importantly, Puddinghead is an idiot.” I mainly think of Pinkie Pie from the play, but it was a spot on performance.

“Have you been eating carrots a lot?”

“Yes, but how do you know about that?”

“It's literally my job!” Oh right, I forgot spying was part of her job. “Plus I get daily intel briefings.” Luna sighs as though that should have been obvious. “Did you know that carrots stay fresh for far less time than say apples?”

“No…”

“And doesn't ponies eating carrots allow more apples to be kept aside for a rainy day when say the tribes go to war and the earth ponies need a good stock of food in reserve?”

“Okay, now you're just talking like some conspiracy nut.”

“It's a smart tactic, and I don't know if it's true, but it's what the top brass seems to think is going on.”

There's no way Puddinghead could be some Illuminati-level genius, but I don’t think we’re going to see eye-to-eye on this. “Well, thanks for the info Luna. At the very least I might be on the lookout for this kind of stuff in the future.” She nods, as though judging me satisfactory. “But uhh… don’t forget about work. We have been here a while.”

“Oh no! You’re right. Thanks for reminding me.” And with that, she assumes a stance to prepare herself to take off, but then pauses before flapping her delicate wings down. “But before I go, if you’d like to see some really beautiful stars, Canis Major will start to appear soon. I have the night off in three days if you want to stargaze with me.”

Hanging out with Luna could be a good way to take my mind off of the fuckery Celestia tried to pull. “Sure, sounds fun.” As long as she doesn’t bring up pegasus chemtrails or something, it’ll be a nice night.

I do a double take when I see Luna actually smile. Well shit, I guess it is possible. “Then I’ll meet you on the same hill we were last time. Don’t forget.” She instructs.

Without waiting for a response, she flies away in perfect silence.


***


The walk home is way too peaceful. There aren't any distractions to keep my mind from returning to Celestia, her plea about Luna, and that PG-13 ending.

When I arrive at Smart Cookie's place, I enter quietly and check if any lights are on that would indicate she's still up reading. Thankfully, the old mare is already asleep. It’s nothing against her; I’m just worried she'll start asking me about my night out with Celestia. I am not ready for that.

Figuring that I'm in no state to answer any of my questions about what got into Celestia, I lie down on my bed — my bed — willingly and without a horse kissing me. A return to my standard nighttime ritual.


***


I wake up to sunlight penetrating the thin curtains in my room. God damn it! Even when I don’t have to get up early, my body betrays me.

I hear my host downstairs making breakfast and know I'm going to regret what I'm about to do…

“Good morning Cookie,” I say as casually as possible, praying to God, Lauren Faust, or whoever will listen to let me avoid what I know is in store.

“Astraeus! Where's your marefriend? I made enough breakfast for the three of us,” she says as she sets a plate of pan-fried hay and oats in front of me. “There’s extra for you two since you probably worked up quite a sweat-"

Cookie’s great. She's actually become like a surrogate aunt these past few weeks. Granted, it’d be more accurate to call her a slave driving aunt with no scruples about working me from dawn till dusk, but that's all fine. My one complaint…

“You should have told her she didn't have to teleport out. I had planned on you two sleeping in so I was making food that doesn't have to be eaten hot. But now that we're alone, you just have to tell me everything that happened!”

…the mare is nosy as hell.

I almost question show-Celestia’s choice in casting the Hearth’s Warming pageant. Cookie is definitely the most like Apple Jack in terms of work ethic and diligence, and the chancellor is as scattered as Pinkie Pie. But when there's a topic she's interested in (growing crops, tribal politics, or my personal life), she can fire off questions as fast as Ponyville's number one party pony.

“Ughh,” I groan out loud. “Can we not talk about this please?”

“Oh dear, that bad?”

I nod as I slump into my chair.

“Shoot, you have to give me more than that. An old mare like me has so little going on this late in life.”

“Glad to know my pain sustains you.” I mutter between mouthfuls of hay. Also, from what I’ve seen, Cookie’s not that old. There are plenty of earth ponies older than her. She’s in her late 60s at best. Or at least, that’d be the human equivalent. “Hey Cookie, how old are you?”

“You can’t go expectin’ an answer to a prying question like that without answering my prying question first.”

“Fine,” I relent. “She kissed me and I was super freaked out.” There’s no way I’ll tell her about Luna’s future, but there’s no harm in telling her about the other thing Celestia invited me out for.

“Aww, why’d you do that? She’s such a sweet mare.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way Cookie, but to me you guys look like horses.”

“We’re ponies thank you very much, and that ‘we’ includes you at the moment. But I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“Remember how I told you that in my world I’m a different species entirely? Well, ponies are just animals like dogs or pigs.”

Cookie just nods her head thoughtfully and remains silent for a bit until finally, “I see where you’re coming from.”

“What? No shock or awe at the revelation?”

“Not really, darlin’. I know you don’t view us as animals,” she says plainly. “If I were transported to a world of talking pigs, I doubt I’d be too keen on one of them falling in love with me even if I knew they had the same kind of mind I had.”

“Huh? Well, thanks for understanding.” It’s nice to know Cookie doesn’t think I’m in the wrong on this one, even though I still feel bad about what happened.

“Of course.” She smiles. Then, after a pause, she says, “Sixty-eight.”

“What?”

“I’m sixty-eight years old. But don’t worry, I still have at least a couple decades left in me.”

“Oh,” I laugh, forgetting I had asked about her age in the first place. “That’s good.”

“What are you talking about?” she exclaims. “The way the tribes have been going at it, I’ll be running on pure frustration from here on out. Somepony has to keep the chancellor in check. This one especially.”

“This might be a weird question, but is Chancellor Puddinghead really an idiot?”

This actually elicits a laugh from the previously serious mare. “Anyone gets themselves mixed up in government and politics is an idiot, myself included.”

“You never struck me as the stupid type.”

“Ahh, well that’s where you’re wrong, colt. Even if you get into this line of work for the right reasons, it consumes your life. When your job is caring for an entire tribe, you suddenly lose the ability to care for yourself. It’s like some kind of sickness.”

“I know you’re a hard worker, but is it really that bad?”

“Astraeus,” she sighs, “I never got the chance to find a good stallion, and now it’s too late for me to have foals of my own. I’ll be alone at the end of my life just waiting for The Pale Mare to take me. So that’s why I’d say Puddinghead is just as dumb as I am, but he knows what he’s doing if that’s what you’re asking.

“He’s not one for the direct approach like I am, but all his actions are calculated. He’s not a bad stallion and really is as featherbrained as he seems, but he uses that to his advantage so ponies let their guard down when talking to him.”

“Does that mean he’s dangerous?” I ask. “You know, having someone like that in charge of the earth ponies?”

“There’s nothing to worry about Astraeus. His ‘earth ponies first’ policies are fine to get the masses excited when election season comes around, but chancellors never stick around long enough to do much of what they promise. What matters is the day-to-day affairs, and I’ve kept him and those before him in check so that none of my people have to suffer that much. Trust me on this one, there’s a big difference between being a figurehead and actually having influence.”

With that impromptu lesson on politics done, the two of us head off to work.

There’s not much to keep your mind occupied when you’re stuck with manual labor so I keep thinking back to last night. Based on how broken Celestia looked, I doubt she has Cookie’s empathetic view of my preference of species. And besides, I don’t know how much reasoning you can do to help someone through rejection. I’ve been on the other end and no amount of “there are plenty of other fish in the sea” can help ease the immediate hurt.

Hopefully it’ll pass soon. Even though she occasionally acts like I’m some prophet sent to save her sister’s soul, she’s still become kind of a friend here. She took the time to get me used to pony life, and seems to actually want to look out for me. The kind-to-her-people thing is expected for a future benevolent god-ruler, but she had no reason to care for me and did so anyway.

Thinking about how kind Celestia is does nothing to alleviate my guilt at breaking the mare’s heart. Why didn’t I say no to the date initially‽

To distract myself, I spend the next couple days taking on the most difficult tasks Cookie needs done. I may be doing it more to help myself, but it still feels good to help the ponies prepare for spring. After a couple days, my sharp guilt has dulled from a razor blade to a butter knife.

The thought of stargazing with Luna tonight has also kept my mind on the lighter side of life. I kind of agreed on a whim, but now that I think about it, I’ll be getting a personal astronomy lesson from the goddess of the stars! That sounds pretty damn cool. I mean, who wouldn’t love to chill out and talk about stars with Galileo? Even if Galileo, in this case, is a teenage female pony.

Once my work is done for the day, I head over to the spot I had followed Luna to when we last watched the stars together. Judging by the position of the sun, I realize I’ve arrived about an hour before sunset. Weird, back home I tended to arrive late to the majority of my classes. Even the ones that start in the afternoon.

Most of the hill is covered in a thick layer of powdery snow, but I take advantage of the protective radius offered by an evergreen tree and settle down on some clear ground. The cool winter breeze blowing through my equine coat is a welcome sensation after a long day of physical exertion. I figure I’ll hear Luna when she arrives, so I think I can afford to rest my eyes for a bit.


***


I hear something scratching.

Hmm, I guess I fell asleep.

I crack an eye open to see what’s going on. The first thing I notice is that it’s almost pitch-black. Damn, I must have been out for a while. “It looks like it’s already midnight.” I mutter to myself.

“About 45 minutes past actually.” Comes a nearby voice. I blink away the haze in my eyes and see Luna writing in her notebook. “Good morning.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” I offer, still only half awake. “You could have woken me up you know.”

Luna moves to her telescope, “I could have.” She fiddles with the device with such an intense look in her eyes. She’s not smiling, but it doesn’t seem like she’s unhappy. It’s almost as though she’s so focused on her work that she’s forgotten to give any thought to how she looks to the rest of the world.

I sigh, “Then why didn’t you?” Is she trying to be sarcastic? If she’s trying to be difficult to get back at me for dozing off, this might not be the relaxing night I had hoped for.

Luna doesn’t move away from the eyepiece. I can’t look her in the eye since her mane covers her face, but it gives me a rare opportunity to get a good look at the moon’s keeper. It’s kind of funny, even though she hasn’t ascended into godhood yet and just has normal non-ethereal hair, her normal mane still has this dark luster to it that make it seem like it wants to reflect the starlight. It looks like her face is hidden behind a veil made of the night sky itself. “I figured you needed the rest. You were out before sunset.”

“Oh,” I blink in surprise, both because of how considerate she was being and because I may have forgotten what we were talking about. “It didn’t annoy you?”

“No big deal,” She shrugs. “It let me get my recordings done early, and I’m just about done now.” There’s a long pause after Luna’s words as she takes some time to deftly make a few marks in her notebook using some kind of writing utensil with her mouth.

“What’s that?” It’s definitely not a quill, but that’s all I’ve seen ponies here write with. These medieval equines don’t have pencils yet, do they?

Luna looks up from her notebook at me. Indigo mane obscuring the right side of her face, but her left eye stares into mine. I can see the stars reflected in her pupil, the iris reduced to a thin halo of teal in the darkness. Her writing stick dangles from her mouth, and her head is cocked slightly to the side in confusion.

I stand by my earlier feelings, that I can’t really look at these 3D ponies the way Celestia was looking at me, but holy shit! Luna looks adorable right now!

“My telescope?” Luna asks only slightly muffled behind the instrument she shifted to the side of her mouth.

I shake my head; I don’t have the word to describe something I’ve never seen before. Instead I just open my mouth and point to it with my hoof.

With an even more perplexed look now, Luna lets her mouth open up which causes the object of interest to fall out.

“That!” I say, as it falls between the pages of her notebook.

“Oh,” Realization dawns on her face. “Well, quills and ink aren’t easy to keep on me when I’m flying so I mainly use charcoal. You’ve seen the earth ponies use it when marking wood for construction projects.” That sounded more like a statement of fact than a question. This whole Luna being a spy thing is unsettling.

Okay, so it’s definitely a pencil, but the outside is more of a pale grey. “But only the tip looks like charcoal.”

“I wrap my charcoal in paper so it doesn’t taste like burnt bread when I write.”

“When Cookie had me tallying up seed stores, she told me to just hold it with my teeth.”

“That’s fine for a line here and there, but you need your teeth, lips, and tongue to control it well enough for writing.”

“And drawing?” I add in, thinking of the sketches Celestia showed me when I first arrived, and again a few days ago… when I made her cry. Fuck, I’m thinking about it again.

“What?” Luna bristles. I can see her muscles visibly tense. “How do you know I like to draw?”

“Umm, your sister told me.”

“She had no right…” Luna grumbles to herself, although her posture does relax.

“Damn, you really like to keep your life private, don’t you?” I’d normally be worried about pissing off Luna, but she doesn’t have her spear or armor with her so I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine.

Her ears droop slightly, “You would too if your existence was criminal.” Shit, I expected to get a rise out of her. I didn’t mean to bring her down.

“Come on, cheer up Lulu.”

She raises an eyebrow and I can almost see a smirk form. “Lulu?”

“What? I heard Celestia mention your nickname before. Figured it’d get a reaction. Anyway, we came here to look at the stars so what are we waiting for?”

Luna takes the bait and starts pointing out the various constellations. A lot of them have the same names as the ones back home; it’s a nice familiar feeling knowing I’m kind of looking up at the same sky. Although there are some differences. “And if you follow Orion’s mane up a bit you’ll get to my personal favorite, Canis Major.” Namely that a lot of them are ponified.

“Why do you like that one so much?”

“It’s kind of a stupid story.” Luna turns back up to the stars in a failed attempt to prevent me from reading her embarrassed expression.

“Okay, now I’m really curious. I promise I won’t laugh.”

My companion studies my face for a few moments as though judging whether I’m worthy to hear this, and after a few long moments acquiesces, “Okay, so when I was a little filly, I really wanted a dog, but my dad never let me have one. If I had told another pegasus about it, then they’d know we lived on the ground, which would raise questions. Dad always told the others that we had a cloud house pretty far away because he liked the quiet.”

Oh god, is Nightmare Moon’s backstory that she didn’t get a puppy as a kid and so she became evil? Fucking garbage writing. Although MLP is a kid’s show, and Luna’s issues are pretty much at the same level as Starlight Glimmer’s, so…

My impromptu analysis of my new—are we friends?—friend’s past is cut short by the subject in question, “The point is I didn’t have a dog. In the winter, I used to make snow dogs but they weren’t much of a substitute for the real thing. Eventually, I started pretending that Canis Major was my dog.”

“What?” I say, putting on my best definitely-not-judging-you face. “How can a constellation be like a pet? I get their shapes are different, but that’s not much.” Okay, Celestia was right, Luna really didn’t have a lot of friends growing up.

“Well, I would pretend that every year in winter he’d return just to see me. I’d stay up late during winter and watch the stars just to know that he was eagerly waiting to greet me. It’s stupid, I know, but you know how that little kid stuff sticks with you?”

“Actually yeah. I used to have this stuffed animal named Chickie—it was a chick obviously. I found it when I was cleaning up my room in my parent’s house before heading to college.” At Luna’s quizzical expression, I amend, “Advanced school that you go and live at for a while. So, I found him and he received a proper place of honor among my other childhood knickknacks. Whenever I head home for the holidays or summer break, I get to see him and he always makes me smile.” I realize I’m smiling now just thinking about my childhood treasure and notice Luna matches my expression.

We continue talking for a while, and eventually our attention returns to the night sky. My astral guide opens up her notebook and shows me what she’s constantly working on. It’s hundreds of pages of star maps, recordings of their movements, and various notes on positionings.

“The reason I always volunteer for long distance scouting missions is that it gives me a chance to see the stars from other locations. They always let me since I’m never slowed down by bad weather.”

“Are you that good of a flyer?”

“No, that’s not it,” she says, looking kind of sheepish for some reason. “Most scouts rely on landmarks to find their way, but a couple years ago, Starswirl The Great copied some books for me on navigating with the stars. I’ve actually gotten pretty good at it. I can fly above the clouds at night and not get lost.”

This prompts the now rather chipper mare to launch into a lecture on which stars are the most useful to follow, what seasons bring which constellations, and how to estimate the angle from the horizon if you don’t keep a sextant on you at all times like Luna does. This is pretty cool. I’d wanted to take an astronomy class in school, but never had the chance. But I’m sure any class on this wouldn’t have been as interesting; the way Luna talks about the movements of the stars makes them feel alive (and not in the pretending they’re pets kind of way). She just has such an unfiltered excitement for this stuff and her enthusiasm is contagious.

After what was probably three and a half hours, based on the moon’s position—I’m learning!—flew by, Luna and I find ourselves exhausted and lying on our backs looking up at the sky. I’m torn between asking something that’d been on my mind for a while and protecting the peaceful silence that’s formed, but in the end my curiosity wins out. Besides, I doubt I’ll get her in a better mood for talking than this.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Depends on what it is,” Luna responds lightheartedly, even though she’s probably being serious.

“What’s the deal with you and Celestia?”

“What do you mean my deal with her?”

“Well, you guys are sisters, but you don’t seem to get along that well. And not in the ‘all siblings fight’ kind of way.”

Luna lets out an exasperated sigh, “Why do you spend so much time with her anyway?” She’s clearly dodging the question.

“I could ask why you don’t. And she’s not a bad pony; she’s just been showing me around the area,” I answer nonchalantly, but then realize that given her actions three nights ago, her motives may have been less than pure.

She glares over at me and then rolls her eyes. “There are plenty of reasons for me to avoid Celestia: the chance of our connection being found out and me being exiled, my wings making it particularly suspicious to visit the castle, and the fact that she’s a spoiled jerk who gets everything she wants on a silver platter.”

“What do you mean gets everything she wants?” Celestia always struck me as incredibly humble, even though she’s clearly super powerful.

“She’s the archmage to be! She can basically do whatever she wants. She holds the same status as a noble or general. Have you ever seen anypony tell her no?”

Wellllll, I kinda told her no when she was kissing me, but there’s no way in hell I’m telling Luna that. It might just be guilt because I made her cry, but I feel the need to defend Celestia since she’s not here to give her side. “From what I’ve seen she works pretty hard, and I think she’s really isolated. Plus, she seems to be under a lot of pressure. Last week, there was this doctor who was a total dick head to her and-”

“Oh come on, did Celestia give you the ‘it’s so hard being a prodigy' speech?” Luna lets out a sarcastic chortle. “I’m sure she just felt terrible being almost guaranteed one of the most prestigious positions anypony can hold at such a young age.”

“She told me she offered to let you live with her at the castle. Doesn’t that mean she wanted to share her good fortune with her little sister?”

“I refuse to leech off of Celestia,” declares the increasingly indignant pegasus. “I’m my own mare, and I can make a life for myself without Celestia always hovering over me. Plus, if I were to live with Celestia in the castle and acknowledge her as my sister, I just have to hope that The Archmage is able to keep her promise and convince the Princess to let me stay. If she can’t, we’re talking exile! Not to mention what the knowledge that we weren’t purebred would do to both of us. I might be killed by a pegasus or unicorn. I’m not much good in a fight; I can do stealthy, but I’m too small for hoof-to-hoof combat. Celestia can defend herself and would probably keep her job because Starswirl and Clover would demand that she be the next archmage, but it’d ruin any of her chances of marrying up.”

Seizing an opportunity to dial back her horrible vision of the future, I interrupt, “Is marrying up important to her?”

Luna looks at me as though I just asked the stupidest question in the world. “We came from humble upbringings, Astraeus. We both grew up in a small cottage in the woods, no special luxuries. I was told our mother might have become archmage instead of Clover The Clever, but she refused to take on the trials Starswirl assigned because she wanted to have a foal with dad. And dad was a good soldier, but he died too young to have been promoted to any high rank. Celestia’s going to be archmage so she has the opportunity to marry a wealthy stallion, maybe even a noble! That means safety and security for her foals even if they don’t end up being powerful unicorns who can take over her position.

“And for me, assuming I’m not cast out, I’d probably be fired. Then I’d be at the mercy of my sister’s kindness. Even if I somehow manage to keep both my life here and my job, I’d never be tasked with any significant assignments anymore. I’d be a glorified errand pony because they’d all assume I was spying for the unicorns.”

“Do you really care about your job that much?”

“No! It sucks!”

“Then why-”

“How many things do you think a fifteen-year-old recently-orphaned pegasus can do?”

“Actually, I don’t know much about your people.”

Luna groans. “Right, stupid question. Well let me tell you, unless you have connections, the military is basically it.”

“What about weather control? Don’t you guys have to move clouds and stuff?”

“The weather branch is very much a part of the military. The only reason I signed up for my job specifically is that patrolling the skies and doing reconnaissance alone sounded a lot better than most of the other options. Honestly, it hasn’t been a terrible life these past few years.”

After that, Luna relaxes a bit and her frustration turns into a quiet irritation. She makes some excuse or another about having to head home. I feel kind of guilty about my questions ruining an otherwise pretty fun night.

Just as she’s about to leave for her cloud house, she does offer, “Thanks for coming tonight Astraeus. It’s nice to talk with somepony every once in a while.” A relieved smile spreads across my face. I’m glad that she wasn’t mad about— “Even if you did spend a good portion of the evening trying to annoy me.” I’m about to start apologizing when she gives me a sly smirk.

“Hey, trying? I think my mission to annoy you was pretty successful.”

With that, Luna turns around and heads off. I’m surprised she can see well enough to fly with how hard she was rolling her eyes.

I actually had a really nice time. I’m glad I agreed to come. Luna’s not so bad when she’s not threatening you.

I try to spot the dark blue pegasus against the almost identically colored sky. If it weren’t for her wings shifting the light of the stars, she could be mistaken for just part of the scenery.

Then a flash of light shoots up from the woods below, briefly illuminating Luna before hitting her squarely in the head. Her wings freeze mid flap, and she drops like so much dead weight. All the while, she doesn’t move. She doesn’t scream. I hear the rustle of leaves as she breaks through the canopy of the forest.

I begin my chase.
> Chapter 9: Sealed Fate
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Branches rake across my body, creating cuts beneath my fur as I run deeper into the forest where Luna fell. Whatever that flash of light was, it either knocked her out or killed her.

Shit shit shit shit! Luna can’t be dead. Who the fuck would just do that? Wait, if something could knock her out in one shot — she better just be knocked out — can I really save her from it?

Shaking my head to force out the thoughts of running away, I continue to charge forward. All the normal tools in my toolbelt, like reason and planning, were thrown out in favor of a single-minded desire to fucking save Luna.

Hopefully when I find the asshole responsible, my earth pony strength will help me kick some flank. My newfound endurance is already proving incredibly useful in this chase. I can feel my muscles tense and release in sudden bursts with every stride like the pistons of a train barreling through the country.

I come to a clearing and stop. This feels like it should be close to where Luna dropped. I look around, desperately trying to find some sign of her fall, but there’s nothing I can learn in the darkness. Then I hear the rustle of branches nearby; it’s slowly fading. Something’s leaving the area.

I sprint in the direction of the noise. I see a blur of white through the leaves and launch myself at it. This has to be the person who hit Luna, no one else would be in this forest at night. Whoever this is, I’m going to kill them. Time seems to slow as I soar through the air. I’m right on target. The blur of a white coat comes into focus. I extend my forehooves out to bring my full weight to bear on the assailant when my vision explodes with gold and I’m suddenly struck back by a solid force.

My direction reverses and my back hits a tree before I fall to the ground. Something like that would have easily knocked me out on earth, but this new body has its perks. I look up and see that the golden light was a sphere like what I had seen Celestia use when she ran the gauntlet, but this one was far larger and shaped like a hemisphere emanating from the ground.

I see a magical aura emanating from an object within the shield, that object being the mare I had just spent the evening talking and stargazing with. I quickly identify the source of the magic next. It’s a long white horn attached to… Celestia.

What‽ No, I’m being crazy. Celestia must have already taken out whoever attacked her sister.

I stand up with a relieved smile, “Thank god you’re here. Who-,” and then I freeze. I see the mare I’ve befriended, who’s heart I broke three days ago, but those aren’t her eyes. They look cold and dead like that of a shark in a frenzy. They are the eyes of a killer.

Okay, she’s a changeling. A changeling came to kidnap Luna and I have to kill it. Easy, I hope. At least that’s straightforward.

I charge towards her shield and press against it, trying to will it to let me pass through. Having no such luck, I begin beating my forehooves against it. Maybe with enough force, I can get it to crack.

“If it were anypony else I’d ask them to refrain from blaspheming,” Celestia bows her head as though to show respect. “But I suppose you have special permissions,” the Celestia doppelganger says without a hint of emotion in her voice.

“Celestia, what’s going on?” I figure I’ll play this changeling’s game for now, although I don’t stop trying to force my way in through the shield. Oh shit! If this is really Celestia and she saw me with Luna, maybe she thought I rejected her for her sister. “If you saw the two of us earlier-”

I turn around and begin a series of practiced bucks against the shield. My earth pony bootcamp has really been coming in handy tonight.

“Actually, I’m surprised to see you. I always knew my sister to stargaze alone, apparently that wasn’t the case tonight. And you can stop pounding on my shield? You’re making your hooves bleed.”

I stop bucking and check my back hooves and see my dark orange coat has been stained red. I give up on brute forcing the shield and turn towards this crazy version of Celestia. “Wait, so if you weren’t here because of me-”

“Oh no Astraeus, I very much am here because of you.” There’s so much hate in her voice. “Whether you know it or not, you’re an agent of Faust, and this is clearly a test.” Okay, weird view of me as some kind of angel, this might be the real Celestia. She moves to the side to reveal a pile of sticks and logs that move. And have spots that glow like radioactive green eyes... Oh shit! Sleeping timberwolves!

Hold on. Passed out Luna, pissed off Celestia, timberwolves, apparently my fault. Oh fuck. “This is about Nightmare Moon isn’t it?”

“Of course, it is!” she shouts, surprisingly not waking Luna or the timberwolves. “You really thought I could just be content to let ponies, FOALS, be slaughtered by my own sister? You seriously misjudged me. This might be the most abhorrent thing I’ve ever done and hopefully will ever do, but I will protect my people. Even from her.”

“Fuck! Celestia, you don’t have to do this.”

A light smile forms on her face. It does nothing to ease the hard look in her eyes. “Oh really? Then you’ll do it? I’d actually really appreciate that.” She effortlessly drops the shield I’d spent so long trying to get through and levitates a knife in my direction, point first, until it’s just inches away from my face. Then she turns it around and I take the handle in my right forehoof.

I carefully look between the unconscious Luna to my right, the timberwolf pile in front of me, and this evil mare with Celestia’s face to my left. I have no idea what to do, so stalling for time sounds like the best option. “So, why the knife? Don’t the wolves kind of make it obsolete?”

“The knife was my backup. I didn’t know how easily I could find a beast to do it for me.”

“Why bother? She’s already unconscious. Just stab her. Or better yet, use some of your fire magic. I don’t think Luna is as strong as the plates you and Starswirl have.”

“Please refrain from joking around,” Celestia growls. “I’d prefer this to be as indirect as possible. Using magic is too personal. Though it may surprise you, I don’t want to. Kill. My. Sister!”

“Then why the fuck are you‽ No one’s making you! Not me; not your god. This is all you, Celestia!” I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as a ringing begins in my ears. If I don’t think of something fast, this is going to end badly.

“Don’t you dare say that! I don’t have a choice! You refuse to help me make sure she doesn’t go bad, and that’s apparently inevitable without your intervention!” Celestia is screaming at this point. I’d be hopeful somepony might come and help if this wasn’t such a remote forest. “So one way or another, my baby sister’s going to have to die tonight. Can’t you at least have the decency to not make me do it on my own?”

I’m breathing heavily. I still have the knife, and there’s no way I’m killing Luna. I don’t stand a chance against Celestia, and besides I can’t kill her either. Equestria needs both princesses, and honestly I’ve grown to like them both (at least before the older one decided to go all murder-crazy on me, but that’s kind of on me for letting her find out about Nightmare Moon).

“No,” I proclaim. “I’m not going to murder your sister, and neither are you.”

A spark of hope pierces Celestia’s eyes, “So you’ll help me stop her from becoming that thing?” Her voice is desperate and pleading.

I hesitate. If I try to do anything that stops Nightmare Moon, who knows what kind of impact it’ll have on the future of not just these two but every pony that will ever be born. Maybe Twilight never meets her friends and becomes a princess. Every threat to Equestria that she stopped could be devastating: Discord, Chrysalis, Tirek, even the Storm King from that movie with Sia in it!

I shake my head, “It’s too much of a risk. But if you just wait it out-”

“No,” Celestia’s voice hits me hard as marble. “I will not let my sister become a killer, even if it means becoming one myself.” With that, she turns her attention to the sleeping timberwolves and fires a blast of golden light at them. They groggily rise, gazes fixed on Luna as Celestia gently places her on the ground.

Then Celestia’s voice becomes no more than a gentle whisper, as though she’s tucking a child in for bed, “Don’t worry sister, I promise you won’t feel a thing.” My brain can’t seem to keep pace with what’s happening. I just watch in horror as Celestia turns around, tears falling freely from her eyes.

The snap of a branch brings me out of my stupor and I see the timberwolves begin to advance on Luna. My mind goes blank. Suddenly I remember that I’m holding a knife, and all that exists in the world is Luna and her attackers. I launch myself between them with a burst of speed I didn’t know I was capable of. Taking the knife in my teeth, I free up my forehooves to plant on the ground and turn to give the closest one a solid buck to the face. Pain lances up my legs, my hooves are still injured from my assault on Celestia’s shield, but I ignore it and turn to face the timberwolves. The one I hit reels back, leaving me with three more coming at me head on.

I am distantly aware that Celestia shouted something, but my brain hasn’t allocated enough resources to figure out what she’s saying.

Biting down hard on the knife, I use my neck to imitate a slashing motion as best as I can with my head. This isn’t exactly something I’ve done before. Thankfully, I make contact with one of the timberwolves. Unfortunately, the blade sinks in and stays there; I’m forced to release my bite.

The one I stabbed in the shoulder lets out a growl and approaches first. I move back and just barely dodge a swipe from its claws. I get the terrifying sense that these things are still sleepy. What the fuck can they do when they’re fully awake?

One of the uninjured ones slashes at me and makes contact. I’m thrown to the ground by the force and it approaches, the other two continue towards the still unmoving Luna. There’s only one thing on my mind as I put all my energy into getting to her.

I roll out from under my attacker and manage to get between Luna and the two timberwolves right before one of them was about to take its first bite. Unfortunately, this means I’m the substitute entrée.

I let out a cry as I experience the most excruciating pain of my life. As a kid, I was bitten by a dog once; that scared me more than it hurt. This, however, was like pulses of fire rippling throughout my body starting from the point where its sharp wooden teeth sunk into my back.

I lose all ability to hold my weight up and collapse on Luna. It takes everything in my power to hold onto her, using every inch of myself to try and shield her from the assault of teeth and claws. I can feel the cool sensation of blood-loss spreading, but I continue to clutch Luna’s limp form.

This is it. I’m really going to die. Here in this fucked up warped version of my favorite TV show. The worst part is, it’ll all be for nothing. I know I’m not saving Luna. Once these things take me out, they won’t stop. My only chance at either of us surviving is…

“…promise me!” Celestia’s words ring out in my ears long enough for me to focus. I turn my head and see her terrified face. This isn’t the unfeeling mare who was ready to throw her sister to a literal pack of wolves. This was Celestia, the pony who refuses to resent others for never treating her like an equal, the pony who’s spent weeks trying to return me to my home. Her eyes are flooded with concern and terror in equal measure and she’s shouting something at me, “Promise me you won’t let her become that! I can’t let her hurt ponies! I won’t! Promise me and I can end this! Please!”

There’s no other choice. I have to give her what she wants. Holding onto the final strings of consciousness I manage to utter out, “Fine… I- I promise…”

As the pain becomes too much to bear, I see the telltale flash of Celestia’s magic right before I fall into darkness.


***


I'm roused by a piercing, burning smell. I'd assume it was from a fireplace, but the smoke seems to be mixed with something else, something metallic maybe.

I can tell I've been moved. I'm laying in a bed or possibly on a cushion. Okay, so I'm either dead, or Celestia saved me. Although I could have just dreamt the whole thing. But recently I've figured out I'm not that lucky. I thought Celestia was mad about me not letting her get into my metaphorical pants, but she actually felt like I was making her kill her sister. Dear not-yet-Princess Celestia, today I learned that in this world, whatever I think the worst-case scenario is, it's actually fucking orders of magnitudes worse!

I pry my eyes open; I have to make sure Luna’s okay. They register Celestia just a foot or two away, horn glowing and eyes staring at me like a man pony possessed. There's desperation, fear, and something like shock in her large eyes. I blink and glance over to a pile of burning wood. The pieces that the fire hasn’t reached yet are soaked dark red with what I quickly realize is my blood. Looks like she took care of the timberwolves, and somehow managed to keep me alive.

Rolling over, even though the pain is excruciating, allows me to confirm that Luna is both alive and unscathed. I can see the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she lies curled up on a bed next to mine.

Stepping between Luna and myself, Celestia dominates my field of view, “You meant what you said, right?” Her voice is filled with concern and an underlying suspicion. 

How the hell did it end up like this? I tried getting her to just leave well enough alone, but if she was going to kill her only surviving family for the common good, she’s probably not going to let this one go. Maybe this promise will be a good thing. If she can just put Nightmare Moon out of her mind and assume I’ll take care of everything, maybe Equestria’s history doesn’t have to change.

“Of course,” I begin. She’s definitely expecting some further reassurance. If I’m able to word this right, I should be able to get her to chill out and also not put myself in a dangerous position in the future. “I promise that as long as I’m around, I’ll do everything I can to stop Nightmare Moon’s evil.”

Celestia lets out a relieved sigh and the weary smile of a runner who’s just finished a marathon spreads across her face.

Fantastic! That did it, and thankfully as long as I’m around doesn’t include contingencies for humans who are just enjoying a temporary vacation in this world.

During my internal celebration, I’m struck with a thought that makes me almost laugh, but the shift in my chest causes enough pain to nix that. I move one of my forehooves to my chest, “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Moving my hoof in the appropriate crossing motion and then lifting it to my face, I smile up at the neurotic and now confused pre-princess who thankfully didn’t just become a murderer tonight. “How's Luna?”

“She's perfectly fine. I caught her in my magic after putting her to sleep and the timberwolves didn't touch her.” Then almost inaudibly she adds, “Thanks to you.”

It feels weird to admit, but she's right. I just stopped a murder attempt, and here I am lying down as the near murderer and the closest thing I have to a friend in this world heals my injuries. But that's not the weird part. The thing that really surprises me is just how broken Celestia looks. Those aren't the eyes of a killer; even during the act they looked dead, not murderous.

“Why'd you do it?” I ask, trying to keep my voice as neutral and accusation-free as possible.

Celestia flinches and turns away, the flow of her magic to my body cut off. I'm not sure if I see her body tremble slightly or if my vision is shaky from passing out.

“I know you love her, Celestia,” I push. “Hurting her is the last thing you'd ever want. So why couldn't you just ignore what you saw?”

Celestia turns back to me, eyes shimmering as tears threaten to fall, “I know the archmage’s apprentice should say duty or honor or some load of horseapples like that, but the truth is I don't want innocent ponies to get hurt. I'd give up my life for Luna's in a heartbeat, but I can't just ignore what I know if it leads to foals getting hurt someday. With you refusing divine intervention, I got desperate.” She shakes her head as though trying to physically dislodge the thoughts of… regicide? Sororicide? Preemptive regicide?

She continues after a moment, wearing a relieved expression, “But I don't have to worry about that now, do I?”

“Of course not,” I respond uncomfortably, trying to do my best to hide the fact that she absolutely does.

My almost murderous friend smiles down at me and resumes her arcane ministrations on me: closing scratches, fading bruises, and relieving pain. “Well, I want to help in any way I can. What do we do to save her?”

Oh shit, I didn't think this through. It's not like I had much time though. Think! Celestia can cast whatever spell I mention and she might not believe I can do magic even with this weird idea that her god sent me. I don't want to give her the actual answer and say, ‘Don't ignore her this time,’ because that sounds stupid! Also actually preventing Nightmare Moon from forming would definitely fuck up their timeline somehow. I need something that I could reasonably do myself and that Celestia would believe has enough of an effect on Luna to prevent her from going bad. Damn it! How do non-unicorns affect the world?

“A potion!” I half-shout in my excitement. It's perfect! “I need to make a potion to cure her uh… corruption.”

“Really?” Celestia asks with awe. “Starswirl’s mentioned that certain magical artifacts of legend could work magic on a pony's soul, and Clover once stopped a pony who used a stone to erase memories, but I’ve never heard of a potion doing something that powerful.”

“Oh yeah, really powerful one. Probably Zebra magic. It prevents ponies from succumbing to the evil that will take Luna.”

“That's wonderful!” Celestia cheers. “Can we go tomorrow?”

“No way, that's too soon!” I blurt out.

“Why?”

“Because…” Because I need some time to make up a list of nonsense ingredients for a fake potion. “Because we have to wait for a new moon. The moon's too powerful right now. The potion has to be made when um…”

“When light magic is stronger! That makes perfect sense. Burn away the corruption!”

“Uhh yeah, that.”

The next half hour drags on as I'm forced into the world’s shittiest improv troupe. I make up magical reasons without knowing that apparently magic here is apparently divided into different fields and involves complex calculations. I use a lot of engineering terminology and throw in some words my DM used back when I played Dungeons and Dragons in high school. Thankfully, she looked at me like I was some kind of professor or wizard and didn’t question my bullshit.

By the time we finished our ‘discussion,’ Celestia had finished healing my injuries and I felt exhausted. She vaporized the beds and timberwolf remains and floated Luna onto her back. I assured her that I could get home myself, more out of a desire to not answer any more questions than any real confidence that I could find my way out of the forest, but she insisted on escorting me home.

“What about Luna though, you can't just walk me to Smart Cookie's house with an unconscious pony on your back.”

My companion just rolled her eyes and started walking. Then with a burst of yellow light, Luna disappeared. The only indication that she was still on her sister's back was the slight imprint of her body on Celestia's fur and the slow metronomic sound of her breathing.

With no room to argue, I allow Celestia to lead me onward.
> Chapter 10: Blue Flower Red Thorns
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the events (read: attempted murder) of last night, I wasn’t exactly able to sleep much.

With the new moon excuse in place, I was able to keep Celestia from bugging me about Luna’s evil-be-gone potion for a couple weeks. Strangely, this did nothing to keep her from coming by to visit me with the frequency of somebody who’s owed money. Time or place didn’t matter. She interrupted me down in the fields and at Cookie’s place, spirited me off to restaurants and local places of interest, and even found me once when I was hanging out with Luna (the younger sibling took that one as a cue to see if frowning could decrease wind resistance enough to break the sound barrier).

That’s not to say I don’t like being around Celestia. My pool of acquaintances here is disappointing at best, and even with the attempted murder thing, I don’t actually want to stop being friends with her for some strange reason. After the incident in the forest, I tried to keep her at arm’s length, but she made sure that wouldn’t happen. I’ve given up on not hanging out with Celestia, so at this point I’m just doing my best to avoid knocking out any more screws in that mare’s noggin before I get sent home.

Which brings me to the day I’ve been agonizing over ever since I witnessed and put a stop to the terminator princess…

“Astraeus, wake up! It’s the day of the new moon!” My eyes snap open and I stare up at a smiling face framed by a sea of strawberry pink mane as Celestia stands over me. I figured I’d be a little worried about having a mare who almost killed her sister teleport into my room while I slept, but she’s done it so many times recently that it doesn’t even bother me anymore. Maybe her friendly attitude is preventing me from pissing my nonexistent pants at the fact that she could easily kill me and clearly has the capacity to murder. Is this what Stockholm Syndrome is like?

“Fine, fine,” I grumble. “Are we doing breakfast here or your place?”

“Actually, there’s this bakery near the castle that you absolutely have to try so I thought we could go there.”

I grab my list of ingredients and the coat Cookie bought for me. Then call down to let my host know that Celestia and I are heading out. Before waiting for a response my companion pops us outside into frigid air that's saturated with the smell of freshly baked bread.

Once we enter, Celestia asks me to pick a table for us, insisting on treating me today for what I’ll be doing for Luna. I feel kind of bad; Cookie does give me an allowance for my work, but Celestia’s rich and I am doing her a solid by giving her an excuse not to kill Luna, so I guess I can enjoy having a sugar-mare today. Or would it be sugar-dam?

As I sit, my mind wanders to the same thing it has every time I’ve had a free moment recently: what’s going to happen when I leave? Sure, things will go on normally for the first few centuries, but eventually Luna will become Nightmare Moon, the only difference being that this time Celestia will assume the worst of her sister.

I could always try to tell her she never ate foals in the show. Granted, Friendship Is Magic wasn't exactly a documentary and they'd definitely whitewash something like that if it did happen. In any case, she probably wouldn't believe me without going through my memories again, and there's no way in Hell I'm risking doing more damage that way.

So, at the end of the day, will she just banish Luna sooner? That'd probably be fine as long as the stars don't aid in her escape before Twilight has learned to make a goddamn friend for once. That could result in an evil-Luna takeover which would suck. Although the worse option would be she outright kills her sister. She's already shown she will go to that extreme to protect ponies. I guess the only question is could she? Maybe Celestia will be too weak to 1v1 Nightmare Moon. Although knowing Celestia, she'll be planning something for years starting from the moment she suspects-

“Cake for two!”

“What?” I snap out of my daze and see Celestia returning with an amazing looking cylinder made of many bite-sized pieces of bread stuck together which she sets it between the two of us.

I lose myself in the deliciously sweet aroma given off by the thick molten substance that seeps out from the crevices between the bread-bites. I'm ready to dig in but Celestia interrupts and asks, “What's wrong, Astraeus?”

“Oh nothing, don't worry.”

“Were you trying to figure out your cutie mark again?”

“Yeah,” I lied. Sure, it was a bit unsettling that the planet on my ass distinctly lacked any earth continents, but my issues were rooted here, not home. “You know how that's been bugging me lately.”

I noticed my cutie mark the morning after Celestia tried to kill Luna, although it wasn’t me who initially noticed…


<<<


“Good morning, Cookie. The hay bacon smells really good today.”

“Good morning, dear. I didn’t expect to see you before I left for work, given how you were out so late last night. I thought you were taking the day off because- ASTRAEUS LOOK AT YOUR FLANK!”

I panic, thinking some kind of rabid animal is behind me only to see the image of a planet half illuminated by a sun and a moon on the opposing side. My heart rate returns to normal and I’m just left weirdly confused. Smart Cookie on the other hand is excitedly going on about something I’m not paying attention to.

I spend the day wondering what the Hell my ass is trying to tell me. A cutie mark of me getting the hell out of here would be ideal, but I quickly rule out the planet being earth; I assume it’s wherever I am now. The obvious conclusion is that its meaning is related to Celestia and Luna since it involves the sun and moon. Maybe my special talent was preventing the former from killing the latter. Even though I caused the problem, maybe fixing it was my big destiny for this world. It’s not like I’ll be here for much longer anyway, so a cutie mark about a destiny I already fulfilled makes sense.

I head home after work, planning to ask Cookie about her take on my mark but when I enter her house…

“SURPRISE!” yells a chorus of at least two dozen voices. I see a banner hanging that announces ‘Happy Cuteseñera, Astraeus!’

I quickly register that Cookie either got excited about my cutie mark, or the chance to mess with me about it, and put together this party in a day, complete with a cake and piñata. She had also managed to get all the earth ponies I’ve ever come into contact with for more than five minutes to show up. Even the Chancellor was there, which I found strange at first, but he apparently loves these things. Pinkie truly was the best pony to play him at the Hearth’s Warming pageant.

All in all, it was a great evening, although I had to bring my nonexistent improv skills to bear when Cranberry Jam started asking about how I earned my cutie mark. One bullshit story about 'watching the sunset and feeling like I had found a home here' later and the mob was sated. A few even suggested that my special talent was hard work, and while I do like using the new earth pony strength, I mainly spend time in the fields to avoid dealing with princess drama.

The non-earth ponies reacted far better when they saw me, except Celestia who also threw a party. Surprisingly, Luna attended that one.

In the following weeks, I used ‘figuring out what my cutie mark is telling me’ as my go to excuse when Celestia noticed me stressing about her future potentially being filled with more murder attempts. She maintains that the mark is symbolic of my promise to save moon-butt.


>>>


“Don't stress out about it so much!” I notice Celestia float one of the cake morsels over to me. “Today's a day for cake and celebration!” My desire for breakfast cake overpowers any tendency to ruminate or squeamishness about eating magic as I eagerly chomp down. The sweetness of the icing would be too much if not for the tanginess of the bread itself. “What is that?”

“The owner calls it Tapir Bread. A perfect cake to share, don’t you think?” Celestia responds as she happily pops a piece into her own mouth.

I nod and move in to pull pieces with my mouth directly. The no fingers thing still sucks, but once you get past the strangeness of basically putting your face into the food it’s actually not that bad. The extended muzzle helps and I’m surprised at how cleanly I can eat even with something sticky like this cake.

After a bit of happy silence broken only by the sounds of our chewing and the occasional sigh of cake-induced pleasure, we begin to slow our pace. Celestia pauses between bites to ask, “So, what's the first item on our list?”

“Sholg shadron," I force out before swallowing and trying again. “Gold cauldron. This potion is so unstable that brewing it in anything else could destroy the vessel it’s in.”

At my second cuteseñera, I casually asked Starswirl about some other big-name spellcasters around the kingdom in hopes of getting some ideas for my shopping list. The old stallion thankfully has a grandnephew in his pony-40s, Night Weaver, who’s an expert on night magic (with that name, I could have guessed as much). I went to him to ask about potions, and he taught me a few things and mentioned some rare ingredients that sounded right for my pretend anti-nightmare magic. Thankfully, he didn’t question Celestia’s new assistant wanting to be better prepared for his job.

I pass my first test as Celestia nods thoughtfully, “That makes sense; I expected something this powerful would be too caustic for iron or copper. In that case, we’ll need to make a formal request to The Princess to gain access to the treasury.”

“Why can’t you just use Starswirl’s?” In truth, I had the idea to use a solid-gold cauldron before my meeting with Night Weaver since there’s one right in the living room.

“If we borrow it or make the potion at home, he’ll want to know what we’re doing.” Celestia’s gaze shifts away and to the floor. “I-I don’t want to tell Starswirl and Clover about what happened with Luna.”

“That she might go bad, or what you almost did?” The question just slipped out without any tact whatsoever.

Celestia winces. “I’m not sure which. Although Clover would probably just be mad that I didn’t follow through.”

“Do you think she’d try to do it herself?”

“Yes,” Celestia replies darkly. “She wouldn’t hesitate if she thought Luna was a real threat to the kingdom.”

Figuring ‘There there, hopefully your aunt doesn’t kill your sister.’ isn’t the correct response, I share my list of ingredients with Celestia and she looks over it thoughtfully as we finish breakfast.

I follow Celestia to the castle where we’re greeted by saluting guardsponies. The magical drill sergeant who will one day wear a crown smiles at them and leads me straight to the throne room where Princess Platinum is holding court, or at least trying to.

“So Your Majesty, that is why I believe you should consider-” The well-dressed unicorn is cut off by a loud yawn from his princess. To the stallion’s credit, he powers through, “-should consider rationing food stores-”

Just then the Princess notices us and any hopes this guy had to get his point across falls apart. “Celestia my dear! We are so happy thou hast come. We did not expect the pleasure of thine company until the morrow. Please tell us what cause thou hast for brightening our day.”

Celestia shoots the stallion an apologetic look, “I have a request, Your Majesty.”

“Simply name it and consider it done!”

“Wait,” I interject. “While we’re mentioning requests, I think this guy was making a good point about food.”

“Oh, Lord Glow is fine with waiting,” Platinum decides. “If we fail to respond to an official request from the archmage-to-be, all our lands could fall to peril.”

Not knowing a way to casually tell The Princess that starvation is a way more immediate threat than what Celestia is trying to fix, I just smile and nod.

Celestia brings the conversation back on track and away from the inevitable famine they’ll all face. “I’d like access to the royal treasury your majesty, there’s a-”

“Again Celestia? That’s the second time this month. At this rate I should just have a second key made for you.”

An old mare standing next to the throne interjects, “Princess that would be a severe breach of security.”

“Nonsense. Celestia will run our security someday. See it done.”

“Yes, Princess,” the administrative mare accepts with a grimace.

“Anyway, Celestia, what was it thou required?”

“A cauldron, Princess. There's one made of solid gold in the treasury.”

“Oh that! That’s not in the treasury anymore.”

“Faust damn it,” Celestia mutters under her breath. “What mage borrowed it, your majesty? I really must use it as soon as possible.”

“Thou art mistaken, my dear. You may have the cauldron immediately. It just won’t be found in the treasury. Follow us please.” The Princess hops off her throne gracefully and begins walking to a side corridor. A pack of six guards who are stationed around the room follow her out and Celestia gestures for me to follow. “So, Celestia, did Clover the Clever let you try out that new training regimen you came up with for our guards?”

“She did, Princess, although I overestimated a few of them who wound up needing medical attention.” Celestia gives an apologetic look to one of the guards trailing her and The Princess.

“Oh my! We trust you were able to manage the injured yourself?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Oh, Celestia, we adore your magical abilities. You simply must teach us a few exciting spells sometime.”

“I’d be honored, but it’s the archmage’s job to teach the royal fam-”

“Yes, yes, we know that. But your aunt insists we master the basics before moving onto anything interesting.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. If you don’t-” As we move to head down a particularly ostentatious corridor, Celestia pauses. This results in several armored unicorns freezing in their tracks and bumping into each other to avoid running into the mare “Princess, why are we headed to the royal chambers?”

Platinum continues without missing a beat, “Because we have the cauldron you requested.”

The first two guards in the mini pile-up rush ahead of Platinum and stand at each side of a massive set of double doors. Their horns light up and the doors swing open, revealing the most expensive shit I’ve ever seen.

The guards remain outside at The Princess’s orders, but Celestia motions for me to follow her in. Everything is white and purple velvet, and gem encrusted precious metal. Her bed could easily fit my whole family, and the ridiculous amounts of statues and jewelry could probably be sold for enough to build one of those man-made islands that billionaires commission on earth.

I’m too awestruck to lift my jaw until I hear a cry from Celestia. “A HOOFBATH‽”

“Yes, we-”

“YOU USE ONE OF YOUR MOST PRECIOUS ALCHEMICAL TOOLS TO CLEAN YOUR FEET!!!”

“Not just clean; it helps them stay soft and-”

A flash of heat radiates through the room as Celestia vaporizes all the scented water out of the cauldron. She then moves to inspect it with the meticulous eye of a jeweler.

“We did not intend to upset you Celestia; please know that.”

Breathing a sigh of relief that the cauldron was okay, the panicked unicorn relaxes. “I know, Princess. I’m sorry I yelled; I forgot my place.”

“In truth, we found it a bit refreshing. No matter how much our lack of propriety regarding arcane relics and the like may irritate Clover the Clever, she has never yelled at us. It made us feel like we were some common earth pony working as a menial employee and getting scolded for her incompetence.” The Princess of Having Money then turned to me wide-eyed, “No offense intended to you Est… Ast…”

“Astraeus,” I reply, unamused.

“Yes! We do apologize. At times we forget ourselves.”

Celestia’s eyes beg me to play the humble earth pony. “It’s no problem, Princess Platinum.”

“Wonderful!” the royal pain exclaims obliviously.

Celestia takes the opportunity to shift the conversation. “So, Princess, we’ll just be taking this and getting out of your mane. We have a lot of other items to collect before the day is out.”

“Oh! Well, in that case, why don’t we join you?”

Not wanting to put up with this literal prissy princess for the rest of the day, I ask, “Don’t you have a lot of court stuff to take care of?”

“Oh, please, we can hold court any day. In fact, we usually do. We are feeling up for a bit of a change today. Celestia, you will have me, won’t you?”

“Astraeus and I would love the company, Your Majesty.” Celestia’s smile shines like the sun that’ll eventually be hers, but something about her eyes says she’s about as excited for this as I am.

“Splendid! Then lead the way.” The two white unicorns exit the room, and I follow, carrying the cauldron on my back. I still haven’t figured out why it’s so easy for me to balance things. Ponies are weird.

As we begin down the hallway, the guards return to their formation around their liege. After a few minutes, two of the guards are sent off to announce the end of court for the day. When we reach the main gate, Platinum dismisses the remainder of her escort, but not without a bit of protest. “But Princess, you need protection.”

“Especially if you’re leaving the castle,” another guard chimes in.

“Nonsense,” The Princess laughs. “Celestia can eliminate any living creature in the kingdom who poses a threat to us before they even notice it.”

The guards smile and nod in agreement with Platinum, but I turn to Celestia after hearing her ability to easily kill thrown out so casually. Her eyes look haunted, and if her coat weren’t pure white, she would have just paled.

The guards leave the two unicorns and me alone as we head out into the town. Celestia buries her head in the list and pretends to need some time to think about where to get each item, so I’m left with filling the silence.

“So, Princess, it doesn’t seem like you’re that interested in doing the whole ‘court thing’ are you? That one pony seemed to have some good stuff to say about storing food.”

“Oh, it is most regrettable that we came across that way my dear Astraeus. We assure you that is not entirely the case. You simply caught us on the tail end of a quite long and tedious string of petitioners.”

“But isn’t that kind of your job?” Celestia shoots me a glare, but after the earth pony comment from before, I really don’t care about offending this one.

“Certainly,” the chipper mare replies without any hint of irritation. “But the majority of what we hear are just the same requests and complaints in different forms. And we are not talking about legitimate requests. Those we treat with the utmost care as our station demands.”

“Except that request we interrupted,” I interject.

“Yes, well we were quite tired from hearing no less than three nobles request tax cuts for luxury additions to their estates in a row. Add that to the half dozen unicorns who were trying to vie for the crown’s favor and I doubt you could have held out better.” Platinum straightens her crown and seems to take a breath before continuing. “Honestly, they don’t seem to realize we spent our life studying this game they’re playing at. We refuse to feed into it, and I truly despise all those sycophants equally.”

Okay she may be out of touch, but maybe she’s not an idiot. “Why let them continue? Can’t you get rid of them or something? You are the Princess.”

“It’s not that simple. We know your people like to elect new leaders all the time, but here,” the mare glances at Celestia with a proud smile, “positions stretch across generations.”

I stop in my tracks. “What?” Celestia must have let something slip about me being human. How else would Platinum know about democracy or-

“Yes, Astraeus!” Celestia almost yells. “For us, it’s a bit odd that the earth ponies hold elections for new chancellors.”

“Oh, please, give the stallion some credit Celestia. Everypony knows about our government, even if this one has been off traveling for so long as I’ve heard.” She turns to face me. “You didn’t know what we meant about one position across generations, correct? The immense power archmages wield has a tendency to extend their lives.”

I nod eagerly, mentally kicking myself for almost blowing my cover. “Yes, thanks Your Majesty. But how did you know I’ve been away from my tribe?”

“Spies,” the sovereign of the unicorns responds as nonchalantly as if she were ordering a daisy sandwich. “Word travels fast about a newcomer in your land, and the earth ponies lack discretion when it comes to personal matters.”

I look at Celestia to gauge if casually mentioning spying on another tribe is normal, and she just gives a ‘what can you do’ shrug in return.

“Anyway, getting back on track, you wanted to know why we don’t keep our nobles in line.”

“Or just replace them,” I offer.

The mare lets out a sigh, “If we could replace them all with better ponies, we truly would.” Her voice seemingly tried to convince me. “The noble families were chosen at our kingdom’s founding. It was a time when defense of land was everything: strong mages, rich landowners, and the like. There was nothing noble about them. Sadly, it had to be that way with the pegasi always trying to invade; you know how they are.

“If we could start over in a peaceful age such as this, we would grant titles of nobility for a pony’s honorable qualities. Maybe then future generations would follow the example of their ancestors.”

Surprisingly, Celestia chimes in. “The current nobles do follow their ancestors, but most of those ancestors got to where they were through violence, deceit, or both.”

I want to ask if the royal family gained its position by being the worst of all, but I’m starting to feel like The Princess doesn’t deserve that kind of harshness.

“Exactly,” Platinum laments. “It’s a terrible system, but at least it creates stability.

We continue to chatter about the history of the tribes as we check off potion ingredients on my list. Platinum occasionally throws out questions about my past, some of which I’ve made up answers to already, while others push my steadily improving improv skills.

Screw comedy or theater workshops; getting magicked to another world is how you learn to think on your feet!

After about four hours of gathering my nonsense supplies, we’re down to my last ingredient. Somehow the list I spent two weeks bullshitting only took my friend till mid-afternoon to take care of. I guess travel isn’t much of an issue when you can teleport three ponies halfway across the kingdom at will. Thankfully, my favorite item on the list is causing a bit of a problem.

“You don’t have any more defining information than colors?” Celestia puzzles.

I try to hold in my laughter, “Nope, I’m not sure what it’s exact name is.”

Deciding we’ve gone back and forth long enough, Platinum asks, “How can you know it’ll work for this… whatever it is you’re making if you don’t know the name?”

“Oh, it’s very rare,” I respond, biting the inside of my cheek to avoid smiling. “Not something you can mistake for another plant. I know equines who have been tasked with retrieving it by individuals who never thought it could be found.”

This declaration causes the more regal of the two white ponies to marvel.

Celestia merely frowns. “I guess the only thing to do is visit the apothecary and pray he has what we’re looking for. It’s not like we’re going to find flowers in the wild at the tail end of winter.” I didn’t even think about how difficult that would be, but I’ll take it as a bonus to slow down this stupid fetch quest. Even if it’s not likely Celestia will forget about Nightmare Moon with time, there’s always a chance.

We make our way to a lone store on a fenced in property big enough for six stores its size. The ground is completely covered in snow, but the yard seems to be covered in large rectangular lumps at regular intervals.

When I cross the threshold, I’m immediately hit with a warm, musky, earthen scent. The apothecary is completely made of wood, most of which is overgrown with lichen and moss. Containers and loose plants line the numerous shelves. Half open boxes with other assorted flora lie on the floor.

Celestia approaches the counter where a large brown unicorn is mixing something in a stone mortar. I hang back, content to look around the shop. Maybe it’s all the time I’ve been spending helping prepare for planting crops with the earth ponies, but part of me just wants to kick back and relax here for hours. That is until I feel a certain Princess’s gaze on me.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Platinum replies innocently.

A few more irritating moments go by and Her Royal Highness doesn’t leave my side.

“Don’t you want to see what Celestia’s talking about? Aren’t you interested in this potion stuff?”

“Oh, heavens no! I’m sure all this magic stuff would go right over my head. I find it all dreadfully boring.”

“Then, no offense, but why are you still here? I assume no one expects you to re-open court now.”

“Because of you of course.”

I blink. “I’m sorry, what?”

“We have known Celestia since she was first taken in by our father’s archmage, and you’re the first stallion apart from him that Celestia’s so much as talked about. We wanted to find out why.”

“Umm, so what do you want to know?”

“Nothing anymore,” the smug princess laughs. “We don’t need Celestia’s magic to figure you out.” While I doubt she knows anything about me being a human, something in her eyes says she thinks she knows some part of me better than I do. I’ve gotten the same look from my dad and a couple ex’s. “We’ve spent years learning how to read ponies.”

While there doesn’t seem to be any malice in her words, I can’t help but feel a little bit like the shortest kid in the playground. “That’s no fair. I can’t do any literal or mental magic to figure you out.”

“Then ask away, Astraeus. I’ll tell you anything that isn’t a state secret.”

I take a moment to think about what I have to ask The Princess of the Unicorns. During that time, Celestia returns from the counter holding a bouquet of flowers matching my description in her magic. We begin heading out of the shop and I decide on a question that can satiate some latent brony curiosity. “Why are you a princess and not a queen?”

Platinum’s ears fold back as though she had been slapped and Celestia gives me a wide-eyed look and shakes her head. The mare in question notices. “No need to be so timid about such things, Celestia. You should know that just because your coat and ours appear to be like porcelain does not mean we are fragile as such.” Celestia remains uneasy as we talk and make our way to the castle.

“Astraeus, our lack of a husband is the talk of the kingdom, and the reason why I do not bear my late mother’s title yet.”

“So why haven’t you gotten hitched?” Haha, hitched. Horse joke.

Celestia coughs and almost loses control of her magic. The princess watches our companion shakily placing her flowers in the cauldron on my back.

“My maternal lineage is rather… unlucky when it comes to foals you see. My mother passed away when she had me, as did her mother before her. It is likely that our time will come when we give life to an heir, never getting a chance to see the filly grow up.”

“Shit…” I stare at the Princess, trying not to look down at what amounts to a death sentence she’ll have to face to keep her family going.

“Please do not let it trouble you, Astraeus.” Platinum smiles to mask the regret in her eyes. “When we were born, Starswirl the Great promised our father that he would find a cure no matter what. And besides,” Platinum laughs with tears welling up in her eyes, “most of my suitors are nobles who have proved themselves to be rather terrible. All things considered, we are enjoying our pre-marital freedom very much.”

Princess Platinum leans into Celestia’s side for comfort, which seems to make the latter very uncomfortable. Eventually, though, Celestia returns the gesture and nuzzles the cursed Princess.

Seeming to decide that we’ve spoken enough for one day, Celestia teleports the three of us right outside Platinum’s bedroom.

“Thank you, Celestia. We shall retire for the day. Would you mind informing the guard that we have returned?”

“Of course, Princess,” Celestia responds obediently.

“Your Majesty,” I begin. “I’m sorry for-”

“Please do not trouble yourself. We merely find ourselves to be too sentimental at times. We thank you for allowing us to have gotten to know you this day. We promise we shall be in higher spirits when you next visit us.”

With that, the princess turns and enters her room, Celestia opening and closing the doors with her magic.

Without another word, my friend teleports the two of us to the training grounds we visited with Starswirl and Clover. “Sorry for not telling you about The Princess before. If I had known we’d spend the day with her, I could have prepared you.”

“I had no idea my Princess vs. Queen question would have led to that. Is there anything else I should watch out for in the future?”

“Do not ask her about King Carat’s death.” Celestia pauses for a moment. “Actually, it’s best to avoid mentioning that around Starswirl too.”

“I’m really sorry, Celestia.”

“It’s okay; she didn’t seem mad. Actually, I think she approves of you.”

“Approves? If you don’t mind me asking, what are you two to each other?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are the two of you friends? Because she seems more chummy around you than Luna.”

Celestia laughs as she zaps away a radius of snow to give us space to brew our potion comfortably, “Of course not. My list of friends at the moment starts and ends with you. I’m just training to one day serve her family.”

Shit. Am I really her only friend? “But you don’t like her? She said you two get tea together regularly.”

“Those are just meetings. She does it with my aunt and every important courtier.” Celestia conjures up a sturdy looking fire pit, levitates the cauldron I’ve been carrying over to it, and then removes the ingredients. “The Princess needs to maintain relationships with anyone high up in government, and I’m in training to be one so…”

“Okay, fine, but when she was feeling bad about the kid thing, you comforted her. I feel like she at least thinks of you as more than a colleague.”

“Don’t be silly, we respect each other professionally, that’s all.” Celestia says as she floats over some fresh snow to fill the gold cauldron. “She’s surprisingly humble given the whole ‘being the wealthiest pony alive thing,’ and she’s very competent for a 24-year-old monarch. I could never do what she does even with the extra two years she has on me.”

“So, you’re only a couple years older than me? Who knew?” I watch as the mare two years my senior lights the fire pit and the snow begins to melt.

“Is that strange?”

That the thousands-of-years-old sun goddess is my age? “No, I just thought with what Platinum said about archmages living long.”

“Sure, but remember, I am Luna’s sister. We’re only four years apart.”

“Wait, so your mom died when you were what?”

“Ten,” Celestia says with a hint of nostalgia in her voice. She then begins to add the ingredients and magically stir the pot.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. My sadness is in the past, as opposed to The Princess who gets closer to hers every day.” The contents of the cauldron begin to change to a murky green. “Besides, I found a new family with my aunty and Starswirl.”

“Do you know if Luna had anyone like that after your dad died?”

 “None that I’m aware of.”

“You guys don’t talk about that kind of stuff?”

“Astraeus, Luna and I have spoken more since you got here than we have for the past few seasons.”

“But I’ve only seen you two talk a few times-”

“Our relationship isn’t ideal.

“Anyway, I think the potion’s just about ready. I just need to imbue it with some light magic.”

Celestia positions herself between the cauldron and the late afternoon sun. Her horn begins to glow and the daylight seems to bend towards her, focusing on the potion. I feel the air chill and go dark, the only warmth emanating from Celestia and her magic. Then, in a bright flash I have to shield my eyes from, it’s all over.

Warmth returns to the world and Celestia puzzles over the bubbling cauldron, “That’s strange, I hope I channeled the energy right.”

“What?”

“It’s probably nothing; I’m sure we got the correct ingredients. Using light magic in potions just tends to worry me.”

“Why?”

“Light magic, my specialty,” she gives a shake of her flank to emphasize her cutie mark, “deals in power. No fancy tricks or finesse. If something’s not working, you’re not using enough energy. The reason you needed that for your potion is probably to burn away whatever darkness lies in Luna.”

“That sounds dangerous if it goes wrong.”

“Which is why I tend to avoid potion making, I had to use enough magic to overpower every unicorn guard at the castle. I’m relying entirely on the ingredients to focus my magic into something that harms the darkness and not Luna herself.”

“Well don’t worry. This potion is perfect.” Starswirl’s grandnephew made it clear that potions can be super dangerous, so thankfully I have my master plan. “I just need to take a bottle of it and add the finishing touches myself.”

Celestia’s eyes sparkle with wonder. “Will you be communing with Faust herself‽”

I just smile and hand her a glass bottle. I don’t like how she sees me as this emissary of a goddess, but it’s coming in handy now.

Celestia squeals and wraps me in a tight hug. I’m not sure if ponies can blush, but I’m glad nopony can see my face right now.

After transferring one serving of potion and disintegrating the rest (the apparent protocol for magical waste), Celestia asks, “So do you want me to bring you to a temple or-”

“Cookie’s house is fine. I just need to be alone.”

“Perfect.” The two of us are then teleported with the cauldron outside my temporary lodging. “Can I pick you up tomorrow so we can give it to her?”

“Sure, but how do we get her to drink it?”

“Just follow my lead,” the mare says, oblivious to the fact that none of this matters. “I have a plan.”

“Got it,” I reply. “Does this plan of yours involve me getting back in time for work in the morning, or should I ask Cookie for another day off?”

“It’ll just be a nice breakfast.” The mare smiles devilishly. “And, Astraeus, thanks for protecting my sister.”

With that, Celestia hugs me goodbye and teleports away, leaving me with the dark red murder juice.

Smart Cookie welcomes me as I enter the house that’s already starting to smell like dinner. “Enjoy spending the day with your girlfriend?”

“We’re not dating and The Princess was with us all day so it definitely wasn’t a date.”

“You naïve colt, getting the friends’ approval is an essential part of dating.”

“Yeah, yeah, just be quiet and let me help with dinner in peace.”

The old mare chuckles smugly and we fall into our evening routine.

After some time passes, I’m hit with a thought. “Hey Cookie, did you know that the unicorns spy on your tribe?”

“Of course they do,” she laughs. “Any of the three leaders would be stupid not to keep tabs on the other tribes. Don’t you have spies in your world?”

“We do, but…”

“But what?” she urges.

“I thought it’d be better here.”

“You thought wrong.”
> Chapter 11: Juice Cleanse
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Cookie and I finish dinner, I offer to take care of the dishes myself. Sadly, my motives aren’t really that generous.

After towel-drying everything, I move onto my true task. I pour Celestia’s super-charged potion out the kitchen window and rinse the bottle out thoroughly. Then I hunt around for my targets: beets and Cookie’s juicer.

After a solid leg workout, I think I have a believable-enough imitation potion. Hopefully Celestia assumes any change in color or sensed magical properties is because of whatever communing with Lauren Faust she thinks I’m doing.


***


The next morning, Celestia teleports me to her place right after sunrise. “Have a seat, Astraeus. I’ll get started on breakfast.”

“Are you sure there’s no prep work I have to do?”

“Nope. Just pretend like you made this for Luna,” Celestia says as she levitates the beet juice potion out of my hooves. “She’ll be here in about three minutes.”

I duck under a floating procession of books moving from the living room to the kitchen table and take a seat next to Starswirl the Bearded. “Morning old man, how ya been?”

The retired archmage’s gaze doesn’t leave his marching books. I watch for a few moments as he takes one book from the current and sets it on a short stack, leaving the others to float back to the bookshelves.

“Starswirl?” I ask, glancing at the book he just selected, In the Shadow of Ponies by Mane Goodall.

After watching the stallion pretend he’s seen a cockatrice a little longer, I poke him to confirm that he’s not in some kind of trance.

The stream of books hiccups and the old stallion shakes his head and registers that he’s not alone. “Astraeus! When did you get here, my colt?”

“Just now.”

“Sorry, I didn’t notice,” Starswirl says as he pulls Stallion Lynd’s Nonviolence in Mount Aris onto his stack. “Well, make yourself at home. Celestia should be in any minute now.”

“Already here,” the mare calls from the kitchen.

The stallion grumbles something about losing his horn if it weren’t attached.

“What’s with all the books, Starswirl?”

“Oh, these are for Clover. She’s starting up a new research project, so she asked me to pull some works on different species for her.” He pauses at one such title by a Jacked Largeness Bovineson. “I wonder if she’ll care about Minotaur Humor: In the Maze…”

I peruse a few titles Starswirl doesn’t remove from the floating trail until one title catches my eye: To Engineer Is Pony: The Harmony Between Failure and Successful Design. “Hey Starswirl, can I borrow this?”

He glances at the book held in my teeth. “Petrotski? It’s not exactly a light read.”

“I actually study this stuff. I’m interested to see if you ponies build differently than we do.”

“Then be my guest.”

Starswirl smiles and mutters something about earthponies and begins to drift back into his work, as Celestia announces, “One minute till Luna.” God, that pegasus must be punctual. I guess it makes sense with her being a soldier.

While I still have Starswirl alone, I figure now’s my chance. “Hey, could I ask you a question?”

“About getting you home. Yes, we’re still hard at work on the search. I think Clover and I-”

“No, not that. I mean, thank you, but my question is about the Princess.”

“What about Platinum?” For the first time, Starswirl halts his books and looks at me, genuinely curious.

“Is it true that she’ll die in childbirth?”

The stallion’s hundreds of years seem to show all at once as every part of him appears to sag under some invisible weight. “I promised Carat that I’d find a cure before she gives birth, and that’s what I intend to do.” A slight flash of anger colors his eyes and I quickly backpedal.

“I didn’t mean to imply you wouldn’t! I just wanted to know how you can fix something like that?”

The anger fades, but the stallion still looks exhausted. “I’ve many years searching for existing spells that could save her. I even traveled far away in search of knowledge beyond our tribes, but I have found nothing more than whispers of myths.” 

“One minute until Luna gets here,” Celestia announces before returning to the kitchen.

Starswirl continues, apparently unphased by Celestia’s attention to schedules, “My past few years of retirement have been dedicated to creating a new spell to accomplish the task; that is what I’m best at.”

“Anything promising so far?” I ask, with genuine interest. Somehow the fate of this mare who’s just going to be consigned to pony history books and Hearth’s Warming plays matters to me.

“I am known as an expert at transfiguration magic.” A flash of Starswirl’s magic turns his quill into a bright yellow flower. “It’s a form of primordial, or background, magic that derives from nature itself.” Four petals fall off the flower creating ink blots on a blank piece of parchment. The markings loosely resemble a flame, an ocean wave, a mountain, and a spiral pattern. “Essentially I can change the properties of anything I want.”

“So, you want to change the nature of… Platinum’s uterus?”

“Congratulations, you’ve won the prize!”

He floats the flower over to my face. After a sniff to confirm that it’s actually a flower, I take a bite. “Delicious!”

“Thank you. But sadly, all my ideas so far are untestable.”

“Why?”

“That kind of magic is dangerous,” he answers darkly. “I can turn you into a stuffed animal and then return you to normal without issue. But if I want to fix whatever makes Platinum’s matrilineal line vulnerable, I’d need to know how to just change part of a pony. Experimentation along that line is impossible, and I doubt Dr. Leech will advance the field of biology enough in her lifetime, so I’m at a standstill until I’m blessed with inspiration.”

“Blessed by the Goddess Faust?”

“Oh, has Celestia been filling your head with that nonsense? Don’t listen to a word of it.” Starswirl raises his voice and faces the kitchen, “There is absolutely no evidence that we were created by some divine alicorn.”

Just then, the tower’s main door opens and I hear plates of armor clatter to the floor, “Don’t tell me you brought me over here to watch you two argue, Celestia.”

The mare in question rushes out with various plates and glasses levitating in her magic. “Not at all! I just wanted to make you breakfast since Asteraeus made a present for you.” Celestia looks at me expectantly.

“Oh yeah, it’s just a traditional human… smoothie!”

“What’s a smoothie?” Luna puzzles.

Well, I guess I’m inventing healthy frozen drinks in this world. Better than getting their moon god killed. “Celestia, could you magic some ice up and then crush it into tiny flakes?”

Celestia looks concerned at the deviation. “Are you sure? Won’t that lessen the flavor?”

“No,” I give Celestia the confident smile of someone who knows ice won’t reduce the efficacy of nonmagical beet juice at all. “I promise, this step is essential.”

Celestia follows my instructions and brings out our banquet.

“Why the feast, sister?” Luna asks as she takes her seat. Still eyeing me with suspicion or curiosity. “Is something bothering you?”

“What?” The mare almost loses her magical grip on the ‘potion.’ “Nothing wrong here! I just thought an occasion like this deserved a large meal.”

“And what occasion are we celebrating?” Luna asks as Celestia sets the smoothie, some hay bacon, and a salad down in front of her sister.

“W-well we… we um…”

“Smoothies aren’t just any normal drink,” I jump in to cover for the stammering white mare. “On earth, we only make them for people we’re close with. It’s my way of saying ‘thank you’ for showing me Canis Major the other night.”

“What‽” Both mares cry out in unison. I see Luna blushing about as hard as she probably can with her dark coat and realize how that probably sounded.

Starswirl, somehow, remains transfixed on his books. He’s either being polite, or this research of Clover’s is really important to him.

When Luna turns away out of embarrassment, I shoot Celestia a look that screams ‘this is your god damn fault,’ and then do damage control. “You know, close friends and things like that. You girls are basically the only friends I got here and-”

Luna turns back, posture timid but eyes sharp, “So, you have also received this smoothie of closeness, Celestia?”

“No, I-”

“Then Astraeus, would you wish me to share this with your other friend?” Luna asks with unnecessary severity. Actually, given that Celestia kinda thinks we’re half poisoning her, it might be totally justified.

The obvious answer would be ‘yes’ but Celestia’s barely hidden terror and vigorous head shaking from behind Luna suggests she thinks the potion might kill her. “No, I meant this as a gift for you, but-”

“Thank you, Astraeus. And I’m sorry for asking this, but can I accept this smoothie without giving you an answer right now? I know you’re going away soon, but this is all so sudden and I’m not used to this kind of attention from anyone other than the idiots I work with and-”

“Of course,” I smile, relieved. Crisis averted.

Luna matches my expression and begins sipping her drink. “This isn’t bad. It could use a little extra flavor and maybe some sweetness, but the idea of drinkable ice is fantastic! If only it weren’t so cold out.”

Celestia lets out a breath and serves the rest of us. I realize she’d been keeping everypony else’s plates hovering in midair.

“Why make so much food, Celestia?” Starswirl shakes his focus as Celestia sets a plate for him. “You’re not stress cooking again, are you?”

The three of us laugh as breakfast officially begins.


***


After the meal, Celestia and Starswirl begin their dish incineration game, so I walk Luna out. “I truly am happy to have you as a friend, Astraeus. No matter what, that won’t change.” She then gives me a quick nuzzle, smiles, and starts descending Starswirl’s tower.

Once the unicorns finish, Starswirl gets right back to his books. Celestia ducks below the circulating river of tomes and joins me in the living/research room.

“We did it!” The mare practically jumps for joy before nuzzling me. “Thank you, Astraeus. You don’t know what this means to me.”

“No, I think I do… But now you have nothing to worry about. So, no killing, okay?”

She nods resolutely. Her magenta eyes shimmer, tears threatening to break.

“Now, do you want to go do something fun to celebrate, or do you mind bringing me home?” Realizing what I just requested, I add, “To Cookie’s house, that is. I could walk home, but you’d have to point me in the right direction; I’ve never actually made the trip on foot.”

“I actually have some work to take care of for the pegasi. If we walk together, you’ll be able to see the fields from where I usually ascend.” Celestia approaches the coat rack to bundle up before magicking a white scarf and snow boots on me.

A shout rings out from the kitchen, “You’re going up today?”

“Yeah,” Celestia answers. “I’m making rounds in the medical ward.”

“In that case I’ll meet you there. I bet Feather Quill has some books on non-equine avian creatures.”

“That’s a good idea! But don’t wait up, we’re going to walk.”

“Why aren’t we teleporting too?” I lower my voce to a whisper. “Did the potion use up too much of your energy yesterday?”

Celestia laughs. “You’re sweet, but my horn’s fine. I just feel like slacking off a bit before work. There aren’t any urgent cases in the pegasi ward; just a few long-term patients I take care of.”


***


After trotting through the castle and greeting a number of unicorns who have begun to know me by name, we begin our trek through the frozen village.

“So, tell me more about smoothies, Astraeus.”

“Oh, on my world, well we have machines that chop up the ice so we can-”

“No, I mean about their significance to human-culture. They sounded so romantic.”

“Celestia?” I give my friend an ‘are you fucking stupid’ look.

“Yes?”

“You know I was full of shit, right?”

“What‽ How was I supposed to know that?”

“You put me on the spot, so I improvised.”

“So, it wasn’t a confession of-”

“No.” I deadpan. “They’re literally just fruity drinks people usually have for breakfast.”

“Oh. Good.” She spoke the last work with a whisper, but it wasn’t nearly quiet enough for her to think I wouldn’t hear it.

Our walk out of unicorn territory continues silently after that until…

“Astraeus of Earth…” The mare takes a deep breath in.

“You know that’s not my-”

“Just be quiet for a second please!” Her eyes widen and she tenses up before blurting out, “Sorry!”

“Don’t worry-”

“Do you have any plans for Spring’s Eve yet?”

“If you mean Winter Wrap Up, yeah. I’m scheduled to work with the earth-”

“No!” she blurts out a bit too loudly. “It’s the day before Wrap Up.”

“Oh, is it Hearths-” Fuck! That hasn’t happened yet! “I mean, is it in like four days?”

“Yes. Each tribe has their own way of celebrating and-”

“Wait! Cookie didn’t tell me about a party.”

“The earthponies hold contests, so it’s not like a typical party, and they start early in the morning. The pegasi, I’m told, do something similar. But the unicorns begin theirs at night! We hold a huge party at the castle, and-”

“Celestia, you’re babbling.”

The mare’s face goes red as she stops walking and faces me directly. “Astraeus, I was wondering if you wanted to come to the unicorn Spring’s Eve celebration?”

“Oh, sure! It sounds fun.”

“Great!” The mare’s face lights up and she begins walking again with a spring in her step.

“As long as you and your archmage buddies don’t send me back before then, I’m there!” Celestia slows to match my pace and we continue through a forest path. “Are you going to the earthpony party?”

“I can't.” She hesitates. “I work till sunset after all.”

After rounding a bend, we get to a clearing in the snow-covered trees and see a grumpy looking Starswirl sitting on his flank.

“Hey, Starswirl!” I call out.

“Ah!” The stallion huffs as he levitates himself up to a standing position and walks over to us. “Took you two long enough.”

“When do you think I can head home?”

“Oh, well let me see…” He slows down for a second. “I think we can do it the day after Spring’s Eve. Speaking of, why don’t you join us at the castle the night before spring? There’s going to be a grand party where-”

“I’m already game, old man! But I was wondering if we could hold my trip off one extra day. I promised Smart Cookie that I’d help out with Winter Wrap Up, and it just wouldn’t feel right to leave without paying her back for the room and board she’s given me.”

“Of course. I’ll inform Clover tonight.”

“Thanks! And do you mind if I invite Cookie and Luna to see me off?

“Not at all, my colt. I think that’s a wonderful idea.” The stallion brushes a tear from his eye.

“Aww, don’t start crying. I’ll miss you too, and that silly sparkly hat of yours.” I give him a reassuring nuzzle. I hope that doesn’t become a habit when I’m back on Earth.

“It’s not silly,” the stallion protests, his head shake causing the hat’s bells to jingle, proving my point.

“Yes, it is. Also, I’d like to invite this nice family I’ve gotten to know, but I assume telling them where I’m from would cause too many problems?”

“Sadly, I think the more people know the harder it’ll be to avoid answering difficult questions. And I’d really like to keep my portal magic a secret given what kinds of beasts I’ve locked away using it.”

“Like the sirens?”

“How’d you-”

“The nature of his divine blessing,” Celestia interjects after being uncharacteristically quiet for a while. “He knows secrets about our world that nopony else does.”

“Or maybe he just found your diary.” The stallion rolls his eyes. “Anyway, I need your help, Celestia.”

“What’s wrong?” the mare asks, slight concern entering her voice.

“This stupid guard won’t let me up,” He gestures to a patch of clouds overhead that appears to have a shaking pale pink and yellow tail. “She said she needed to get permission when her superior does his rounds because she was only due to bring you up. So, I told her that if I wanted to, I could just teleport into their armory and melt all of their weapons before they had time to say ‘Starswirl The Great’ and she just flew behind that cloud bank! No help whatsoever.”

“You know, most ponies take that kind of talk to be a threat,” Celestia huffs.

“Then most ponies are fools. You know, when King Carat asked about my successor’s strength, I told him Clover could find a way to break any of my protective wards with less magic than it would take to boil water for tea. He was intelligent enough to understand my meaning. Even that softhearted Scorpan had the sense to-”

“Pansy, is that you?” Celeatia interrupts.

“C-Celestia?” The cloud trembles before a rust red mare pops her head out cautiously. “Please don’t let the old archmage declare war on us. Or at least make sure he waits until somepony else’s shift.”

“Why would I waste my time attacking you foolish-”

“What he means is—” The mare looks like she’s ready to evaporate her surrogate grandfather. “—he’s just here to borrow a book from a friend while I check on my patients.”

“O-oh, okay.” The poor mare flies down with a cloud and hovers a few feet above us. “In that case, please allow me to help you up sir.” Starswirl promptly teleports himself onto the cloud and blows a raspberry at the frightened pegasus. “And will you be joining them, Mr. Earthpony?”

Celestia grins. “Have you ever seen a floating city before?”

I follow her gaze up to a densely packed group of clouds at least as big as the unicorn castle. I have an immediate sense of dread and an image of the cloud buildings I can barely make out crashing down on top of me. “Nope, and I don’t think I need to.”

“You’ll be perfectly safe once I cast a cloudwalking spell on you.” To demonstrate, the mare encases her feet in a golden glow and steps up alongside Starswirl. “The pegasi architecture really is a sight to behold.”

“Really, I’m good. I’ve already crashed down from this sky one too many times.”

I walk the rest of the way alone to the earthpony farmland where Smart Cookie is making marks on her clipboard. “There you are, colt. You’re not starting to think I’m letting you live in my house rent free?”

“Just having doubts about working for a task-master who doesn’t even tell me about upcoming parties.” As I protest, I harness myself into a cart she already loaded with fertilizer.

“What are you going on about?”

“Celestia invited me to this unicorn party the night before Wrap Up. She said that we do one during the day, why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“Because I wanted to see if your marefriend had the guts to ask you.” The old mare breaks out into a shit-eating grin. “Thanks for giving me my answer. Nice scarf by the way. Isn't that her color?

“Now be a dear and get this cart over to the Lilly family.” She pats my dumbstruck face twice on the cheek. “I hope there’s still enough blood in your head for you to remember where they live.”


***


After a long day of hauling manure and trying to figure out how to get back at Cookie, we finally return home. I immediately head up to my room to check out the Horsey Petrotski book Starswirl loaned me.

I barely get more than a page into chapter thirteen when-

“Mother Bucker!”

I run down to make sure Cookie is alright and find her standing at the backdoor.

“What happened?”

“Look at what happened to my poor flowers, Astraeus.”

I step past her and see a gaping hole in her flower bed. The one that’s right under the kitchen window. The kitchen window I dumped Celestia’s potion out of last night.

“Shit.”
> Chapter 12: The Fair Before The Storm
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since Mr. The Bearded said he’d send me home the day after Wrap Up, I decided to spend the days leading up to the Spring’s Eve festival getting my affairs in order. This mainly consisted of playing a few magical pranks on Dr. Leech with Starswirl and saying goodbye to the ponies I’d befriended who couldn’t see me off.

Ever since I met them, Cranberry and his family managed to find an excuse each week to invite me to their house and give me free food, so it was easy to find time to tell them.

The stallion nodded as though he knew this was coming, and Red Delicious promised to make me a week’s worth of food before I left. But the kids’ reactions really surprised me: both Jam and Juice started crying when I told them I was traveling home and probably wouldn’t be back.

I ended up staying far later than usual and even taught them how to play charades. I usually avoid sharing pieces of home with the ponies, but unless Discord took power because of the lack of fun games, I doubt I did any real harm to the timeline.

The next day I was invited to join a few ponies at a local bar after work. We mostly wasted time bitching about the cold and boasting about who’d do the best at various competitions during the fair. They lost their shit when I mentioned it would be my first.

“So,” a young mare belches out, “you’re telling me you ain’t never launched an anvil?”

“Not even a small one,” I answer tiredly.

“Or tasted the desserts at the best bake-off of the year?” questions the drunk stallion who declared himself my best friend about an hour ago.

“No,” I answer for what feels like the hundredth time. “But I know what desserts taste like.”

“Not if you’ve never had Mrs. O’s famous candied oranges!”

“I wait all year for those!”

Our conversation has been spiraling like this for the past three—or was it five—drinks, so my ale-addled brain decides to ask something I meant to bring up to Cookie: “What are the rules on non-earth ponies at this thing? Because I have a few-”

“Piss off,” my best friend requests.

“They ain’t the ones who need some fun before the hardest day of the year!” the mare declares.

“They do things differently on Spring’s Eve,” sputters one of our companions who fell asleep after his third mug. “I snuck into the castle for it once when I was a colt. Absolutely no brawls! And don’t get me started on their music, it’s…”

Before he can finish that thought, his head plops right back down on the table and he resumes snoring.

“The pegasi might be able to cut loose the earthpony way.”

“Yeah, as long as it doesn’t involve getting their hooves dirty.”

“I get it, I get it,” I groan.

Well, that kind of kills my plan to hang with Luna and Celestia all day. Maybe I can drag my pegasus friend to the unicorn party, although the princess of the night doesn’t really seem that into night life.


***


Sadly, over the next few days, I don’t see Luna once. Normally I’d spot her flying low over the hills between the farms and Cookie’s house when I’m heading home, but she hasn’t been flying or stargazing at her favorite hill as far as I can tell. Although that’s probably just because of the near-constant snow this past week.

After I expressed concerns, Celestia literally popped by during work the next day to tell me she tracked Luna down with some weird spell and made sure she knew to be at the castle to see me off.

I’d normally be a bit down thinking about leaving all my new friends behind in a couple days, but damn it if trying to beat the Chancellor’s team in tug-of-war isn’t fun!

“Smart Cookie!”

“Yesh shir?”

“What if we stopped pulling and started pushing instead?” The pony holding the highest office around asks after completely letting go of his portion of rope. “I think then we could-”

“Ge vack on va rogh!” The old mare is starting to lose her cool.

“Ovay evey pomy,” I cry out. “Ash harg ash mew cahn on free!” I count us down, and we each dig our hooves in and give a mighty pull.

The world turns over and I fall on my back with two or three other ponies on top of me. But when I hear an expletive that really has no place in an old government mare’s mouth, I know we managed to yank Cookie and the others into the mud.

“Darn it, we lost!” the chancellor complains, although his grin betrays him. He then proceeds to lick his face clean in one fell swoop. “Bleh, usually when I do that, it tastes like pudding.”

“Chancellor, can you please get off of me?”

“Sorry S.C., but if you didn’t want me standing on you, you really shouldn’t have fallen under me.” The eccentric stallion proceeds to hop away to the next event that catches his eye with his irritable second following behind, but not before I flash her a ‘that’s right, we beat your asses’ smile.

From the moment the flugelhorn sounded at dawn to begin the first competition, it’s been nonstop fun. The earthponies, my friends and coworkers, have been filling me with food and ale, and pushing me to join in the activities with the rest of them. Cranberry even helped me take a turn on the drum line providing music for everypony. I definitely made the right call asking Starswirl to hold off on my departure. I’m going to have to repeat this semester anyway, so fuck it! I’m having fun today!

About an hour after sunset, I hear a rapid series of cracks and explosions that sound like New Year’s fireworks. But these ponies couldn’t have invented fireworks before discovering gunpowder, could they?

I approach the sound which is soon overshadowed by the laughter of children and find the retired archmage turned circus performer at the center of it all.

“Hey, Gandalf!” I call out. “You got a quest for me?”

A little colt standing away from the other kids pokes my leg, “Don’t you know who that is? Mr. Starswirl The Great is famous! He sent the evil Tirek to Tartarus! He- um… he even banished the sirens to… I’m not sure, but they were really bad and he made them go away! He’s the most powerful-”

“I got it kid,” I laugh, patting him on the head. “It’s just a nickname.”

“Does that mean you know Mr. Starswirl?”

“Yes, he knows me, young colt. Although, I would like to know what gandalf means before it becomes my new nickname,” the old man chimes in, approaching us. “Now take these and run along to play with your friends.” He hands the small child what looks like a bag of firecrackers and smiles.

“Oh,” the colt looks away. “I don’t really have any-” But before he can finish, the other little ponies run up to him and the dangerous toys excitedly.

Starswirl, unconcerned with the children or me, begins walking off towards the stalls.

“Did you just give explosives to a five-year-old?” I gape at him when I catch up.

“Of course not, just some prepackaged spells. Color changing illusions, temporary transfiguration magic, that sort of thing. Celestia’s mother made me stop using the really fun ones decades ago after the Desideratum incident.”

“Okay… So, you came here to entertain the kids?”

“I came to bring you to the party. Celestia couldn’t teleport you herself.”

“Then why are we walking away from the castle?”


***


Clover gets all the credit for being clever. It’s understandable. It takes some serious brains to track down a sorceress who’s erasing your memories. But she had to learn that kind of out-of-the-box thinking from somewhere.

I guess the equestrian history books never gave Starswirl the same moniker because his intellectual powers were spent on devising the most efficient way for us to split up and buy him all the snacks he wants in the shortest amount of time. I hate to admit that I was actually pretty impressed with his plan and the accompanying diagram he drew for me.

As I’m waiting in line number five, Hooffield Hay Fries, my friends from the bar spot me and head over.

“Hey, Astraeus, what’s going on?” My self-proclaimed best friend asks. “Get it? Hay!”

“Nothing much, just helping that one get food.” I point at the old unicorn who’s putting all his years of wisdom into picking which jar of pear preserves looks tastier.

“You never told us you wanted to invite the archmage!” the mare says.

“Actually, I wanted to invite the other archmage’s student.”

“Ooooh, somepony has a crush!” My best friend sings.

“You know,” interjects the stallion who spent most of our night together passed out, “nopony would have had a problem with Celestia being here.”

“But you guys said-”

The mare of the group punches my shoulder. “I know you’re new here, but don’t you realize there ain’t a single pony here she hasn’t fixed up at least once?”

“Four times for me,” my best friend nods. “And she’s never arrogant like most unicorns. She’s one of the good ones.”

“She certainly is,” Starswirl comments from behind us, causing my three companions and me to each have mini heart attacks which pre-equestrian medicine probably can’t treat properly.


***


“Honestly the whole thing sounds ridiculous to me,” Starswirl grumbles as we walk towards the castle’s grand banquet hall. “The only reason I was more powerful when my mane turned white is that I had more years under my belt and I’m certainly not planning on dying just to see if you’re right.”

“He didn’t die, or at least I don’t think he did. But this all is from a play, we don’t even have magic in my world.”

“Fiction or biography, I still don’t see why he didn’t call for the eagles earlier.”

“Well, that’s what everyone says, but I think…” My thoughts are cut off by a completely unexpected scene.

There, surrounded by ponies cheering for her and playing instruments, Celestia, Princess of the Sun, Harbinger of Dawn, immortal alicorn goddess, neurotic magical protégé, overprotective sister, almost murderer, and one of my two closest friends in this world… is dancing on a table.

I can’t help but stare at her svelte form as she turns with wild grace. Her hooves hit the table rapidly in time with the music in what feels like the pony-equivalent of Irish step dancing. Every few seconds, there’s a beat, and she hops into the air and appears to float like a pegasus. The whole sight is entrancing.

“That’s incredibly difficult, you know, ” Starswirl comments next to me.

“Yeah, there’s no way my hooves could-”

“No, the levitation. When she goes to jump, she casts a levitation spell on herself and uses it to temporarily fly.”

“Wow.”

“You don’t understand the gravity, forgive the pun, of the act to say wow. I doubt there’s a single unicorn in here who could levitate their own body, save for Clover and myself, of course, and she’s doing it as part of a dance just because it’s fun.”

“Wow.”

“Yes, I’m glad you understand now.”