When all the other ways of teaching Scootaloo to fly come crashing down, the Cutie Mark Crusaders decide to try cloning.
Why trying one method of learning to fly at a time when you can clone yourself and try all of them at once? Scootaloo, with a little help from her friends, is about to make this work.
âItâs no use!â Sweetie exclaimed, firing a spell blindly. It bounced off the ground and set a cart full of hay ablaze. âTheyâre faster than us!â
Scootaloo panted and looked back. The pursuers were getting closer, forcing her to keep running. She darted forward, catching up with Sweetie Belle; Apple Bloom was far ahead of them, never looking back.
âIt doesnât matter, as long as weâre faster than Silver and Diamond!â Scootaloo replied. âBesides, they canât be faster than me. They are me!â
Sweetie looked at Silver, who stopped running, ready to accept her fate. She kept coughing; asthma had finally defeated her. Sweetie shot two more magic bolts at the crowd approaching her.
âCould you stop doing that?â Scootaloo asked. âI donât feel comfortable when you shoot my clones like thatâŠâ
âTheyâre gonna catch Silver!â Sweetie fired another bolt, but there were way too many Scootaloos there for her to fend off.
âScrew Silver!â Scootaloo started to run again. âIâd rather not give them a chance to get us!â
âSome of them can fly!â Sweetie shouted when one of the Scootaloos flew past her, throwing a rotten apple at her. She squeaked and ran off to the real Scootaloo, who was just climbing up a tree when Sweetieâs words made her realise it was a death trap.
âWhat do we do now?â Scootaloo asked.
âGet up that tree!â Sweetie exclaimed. âWeâll think of somethingâŠâ She climbed up the tree and looked around. Her eyes widened; there was a thick cloud of black smoke above Sweet Apple Acres and, despite Sweetieâs hopes, Twilight Sparkle was nowhere in sight. In fact, none of the ponies she knew was in sight, with the sole exception of Roseluck, Lily, and Daisy, but they were running away from the marching horde.
âI must admit theyâre pretty impressive,â Scootaloo muttered, staring at the group of her clones swarming the streets. Some of them broke into a hardware store and were walking towards them with some saws.
Sweetie rolled her eyes. âYou must be very proud, mustnât you?â
Scootaloo smirked. âWell, given the humble beginningsâŠâ
Over the ages, many wise ponies wondered about trees falling in the forest. If nopony was there to hear them, did they make a sound? There was a reason this question was usually applied to trees and not, for example, pegasi. A pegasus falling in the forest would make absolutely sure that somepony would hear them. Even if they werenât around.
âMy leg!â Scootaloo exclaimed, rolling on the ground. âCelestiaâs mighty boobs, my leg!â
âShh.â Sweetie walked to Scootaloo and poked her leg. âItâs not even broken.â
âIâll break your leg if you do that again!â Scootaloo groaned and stood up. âDid I at least fly?â
âVery quickly,â Apple Bloom said, emerging from the bushes with the binoculars hanging from her neck. âMostly down, Ahâm afraidâŠâ
âGreat.â Scootaloo sat on the ground. âAnother failure. How many more?â
âAll of them,â Sweetie said. âI told you that youâre too stern-heavy. Like, your wings can lift your barrel, but yourââ
âAre you saying my ass is too heavy?â Scootaloo asked.
âI was trying to put it in more diplomatic terms.â Sweetie smiled sheepishly.
âGirls, calm down!â Apple Bloom exclaimed when Scootaloo tackled Sweetie and they both rolled into a puddle of mud. âTwilight said violence is not the answer!â She shrugged and jumped between Scootaloo and Sweetie.
This worked surprisingly well. Instead of fighting each other, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle both tackled Apple Bloom, trying to bring her down. The struggle, however, lasted for only a minute or so. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were simply no match for Apple Bloom, who managed to stand up, dragging Scootaloo away from Sweetie.
âWell, well, well.â
Apple Bloom froze, hearing that voice. She turned back to see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon walking across the field. âWhat are yâall doinâ here?â she asked.
âOh, just passing by,â Diamond Tiara replied, looking at mud stains in Apple Bloomâs coat. âNothing as interesting as whatever you were doing.â
âWe just had a discussion.â Sweetie Belle stood up and levitated some mud with her magic, making a ball out of it.
âOn what, best ways to clean stains?â Silver Spoon asked.
âWe were trying to teach Scootaloo to fly,â Sweetie Belle replied, throwing the ball of mud at Silver Spoon, who dodged it without much effort. Spending most of her life with Diamond Tiara made her aware of every heavy object flying towards her.
âAh, so it wasnât a meteor, after all.â Diamond Tiara shrugged, looking at the sky. âThere goes our hope of finding a pot of gold.â
âNo, thatâs thunderbolt iron.â Silver Spoon shook her head. âPots of gold are at the end of the rainbow.â
âAre you kidding me?â Diamond Tiara huffed. âI know that the only thing you can find at the end of the rainbow is Rainbow Dashâs ass.â
Scootaloo blushed. âOr the place where she was before she flew away.â
âThatâs the beginning of the rainbow,â Silver Spoon replied with a shrug. âAnyway, are you still learning to fly?â
âAll the time,â Scootaloo said. âBut it just doesnât seem to work.â
Silver Spoon fixed her glasses and cleared her throat. âMaybe because all your plans basically boil down to launching you from some precarious device, hoping in vain that your lousy pegasus instincts will somehow kick in and youâll fly. Have you tried different combinations of proper diet, training of the weakest muscles, prana-bindu exercises, aerodynamic tunnel training, meditation, hydration, aeration, avoiding frustration, resisting temptation, improving your wingpower through hour of shower orââ
Scootaloo raised her hoof and furrowed her eyebrows. She looked at Silver Spoon and opened her mouth, but then she closed it and turned to Sweetie Belle. âDid she offend me?â she asked.
âProfoundly,â Sweetie replied. âBut we havenât tried most of those things. None of them, I think.â
âSo, she didnât make those up?â Scootaloo asked. âI havenât heard of any pegasus whoâd do that.â
âAinât nopony got time for that.â Apple Bloom shrugged.
âThatâs what everyponyâs saying,â Diamond Tiara said. âAnd thatâs why this place looks like this.â She rolled her eyes. âYou have time to keep doing things that donât work but you have no time to do anything else? Please.â
Now it was Apple Bloomâs turn to look at Sweetie Belle. âDid she offend me?â
âImplicitly,â Sweetie Belle replied.
âAh, good.â Apple Bloom smirked.
âSo, uhâŠâ Scootaloo trotted to Silver Spoon. âHow many methods of learning to fly do you know?â
âAnd why?â Sweetie asked. âItâs not like youâre gonna grow wings and take off one day.â
âDare to dream⊠with a little bit of magic and genetic modifications in the future,â Silver Spoon replied. âAlso, I read about like, three hundred ways that can improve the flying technique.â
âKeeps your mind busy when youâre surrounded by idiots.â
Diamond Tiara furrowed her eyebrows. âDid she insult me?â
Sweetie smiled and shook her head. âIndirectly.â
Diamond Tiaraâs frown deepened, but before she could figure anything out, Scootaloo groaned. âI have no time to try all three hundred techniques!â
âNow thatâs just whining and excuses,â Silver Spoon muttered.
âMore like a realistic evaluation of our schedule,â Sweetie said. âApple Bloom, how many ponies are we currently helping with their cutie marks?â
Apple Bloom scratched her head. She started counting, but quickly ran out of hooves, tails, hair bows, Scootalooâs feathers, and other things she usually used to help herself with fancy mathematics. âThirty-six,â she eventually replied.
âSee?â Sweetie sighed. âAnd Iâm afraid some of them will need our help for a long time.â
Silver Spoon smirked. âOh, this wonât be a problem.â She leaned to Sweetie and whispered something into her ear.
âThatâd be wrong,â Sweetie said.
âWhat?â Scootaloo asked. âI donât care how wrong this is, as long as it makes me fly!â
Sweetie sighed. âOkayâŠâ
Thirty-six ponies looked at the stage in front of them, whispering to each other in excited tones. Sweetie Belle looked at the crowd, realising that at least two of the participants of their summer cutie mark course were changelings, one of them was a mule, and one was a kirin. She sighed, already wondering how to explain to them that they wouldnât get a cutie mark without getting kicked, burned, drained of love, or accused of being a pony supremacist.
Eventually, she decided to skip that issue for a moment. âHello,â she said to the crowd in front of her. âToday, we are going to try to get cutie marks in helping Scootaloo to learn to fly.â She looked at one filly who raised her hoof. âAny questions, Cream Puff?â
âWhatâd such a cutie mark look like?â the filly asked.
âWeâll hopefully find out,â Sweetie Belle deadpanned. She turned to Apple Bloom. âWhat are we going to do?â
âWe have a list of ways to learn how to fly,â Apple Bloom said. âYâall will pick one method each and weâll, uhhâŠâ
âDetermine,â Sweetie Belle muttered.
âWeâll determine which is the most effective,â Apple Bloom continued. âThen, weâll use this method to teach Scootaloo.â
âItâs all in your hooves,â Scootaloo said.
The crowd started to chatter, all at once. Sweetie Belle tried to listen, but quickly furrowed her eyebrows.
âI donât have wings!â one colt shouted.
The mule stood up. âIâm not anatomically compatible!â
The kirinâs eyes lit up. âEveryoneâs screaming and that makes me feelââ She rubbed her temples and took a few deep breath until her eyes went back to normal. ââ only slightly annoyed. Nothing to worry about.â She smiled sheepishly as everyone moved away from her.
âThe results wonât be replicable!â
Apple Bloom furrowed her eyebrows and looked at the filly in the front row. âSilver Spoon, why are ya hecklinâ yer own idea?â
âHow did you know it was me?â Silver Spoon asked, taking off the sunglasses and fake moustache.
Apple Bloom just sighed and rolled her eyes. Sweetie Belle, however, looked at the crowd and nodded. âIndeed,â she said. âWhat works for others may not work for Scootaloo, so we need someone whoâd look like her.â
âOh, thatâs not a problem.â One of the changelings gestured at the other and they both turned into Scootaloo. âHuh. I already see several problems.â
âLike, you need to train back muscles,â the other changeling said. âAnd you need to limit your sugar intake.â
âWell, all ponies could benefit from this, actually.â The first changeling shrugged. âIâve been living legally in Equestria for two months and I think I already got diabetes.â
The other changeling nodded, trying to twist his Scootaloo-like face into something resembling a thinking expression. âWhich is even weirder because changelings donât have pancrea.â
The real Scootaloo walked to the changelings, looking at them closely. âDo I really look like this?â she asked. âI know Iâm awesome, but I didnât know I was that awesome.â
âHumble as always,â Sweetie Belle muttered.
Silver Spoon looked at the changelings. âThis could be a way to go,â she said. âIf we had more perfect copies of Scootaloo, we could run more tests at once.â
Diamond Tiara, who was sitting between Silver Spoon and the teenage kirin, wearing a sombrero and sunglasses, raised her hoof. âI have an idea. Remember that one time when Pinkie Pie did that one thing?â
âI donât,â the kirin mare said.
âMe neither.â Scootaloo shrugged.
Apple Bloom turned to her, furrowing her eyebrows. âWhat? The whole town was full of Pinkies and ya donât remember it?â
Scootaloo turned into a changeling. âIâm not the real one, okay?â
âAnyway, it didnât end well,â Sweetie Belle said.
âWell, the town is still standing,â the real Scootaloo said. âThat counts as âwellâ for me. Also, weâre gonna be careful.â
Silver Spoon smirked, her glasses reflecting the sunlight. âOkay then. Weâll try a scientific approachâŠâ
âAhâm counting to three,â Apple Bloom said. âOne, twoâŠâ She pushed Scootaloo into the water. There was a loud splash, followed by an even longer stream of invectives. Silver Spoon watched the scene holding a clipboard in her hooves.
âNow, letâs see the results,â Silver said, watching two silhouettes emerging from the pond.
Sweetie Belle trotted to them first. âOkay. Which of you is the real one?â
âMe!â both Scootaloos exclaimed.
Sweetie sighed and rolled her eyes. âWhose photo is pinned to the dartboard in Rainbow Dashâs house?â
The Scootaloos looked at each other. âRainbow Dash is best pony!â one of them shouted.
âWind Riderâs,â the other Scootaloo replied.
âI seeâŠâ Sweetie muttered. âWhat was Rainbow Dash wearing on the centrefold of the July issue of The Wonderbolts Magazine?â
âRainbow Dash is best pony!â the first Scootaloo exclaimed.
âAbsolutely nothingâŠâ The other Scootaloo smiled, hearts appearing in her eyes. âMay I go to the little fillyâs room for a moment?â
âNo.â Sweetie levitated a red vest with the words âreal oneâ written on it and gave it to Scootaloo, who still seemed lost in her thoughts. âDonât you dare take this off.â She turned to the other Scootaloo. âAnd youâre Scootaloo 001. Diamond Tiara will give you a collar with your number.â
âRainbow Dash is best pony!â Scootaloo 001 nodded and walked to Diamond Tiara.
âOkay, Scootaloo,â Apple Bloom said. âBack to the pond.â
Scootaloo groaned, wiping her coat. âHow many more times?â
âAt least two hundred and ninety-nine.â
âJust great,â Scootaloo muttered, looking at the surface of the pond.
It was the middle of the night when the carts arrived in the secluded part of Sweet Apple Acres. Nopony really bucked the trees there anymore and Apple Bloom kept saying that they got rather cranky because of that. Still, there were apples on them, which was a vital part of the plan.
There were also a few decrepit barns in there. Over the course of a few days before the trip to the Mirror Pool, Apple Bloom spent most of her time reinforcing the buildings and using planks to divide the interior into three hundred small rooms. Inside each of them there was a jar with fireflies, blanket and a mattress â Rarity probably still wondered what Sweetie did with all of her old fabric.
Some, however, had objections.
âWhy do we put them in cages?â Scootaloo asked just before they were going to unpack the first cart. She was tired â it turned out that every clone would spawn wearing a red vest, so she spent the whole day reciting Rainbow Dash trivia.
âThose arenât cages,â Diamond Tiara said. âThose are Single Pony Living Units. One day Iâll get rich renting those to ponies. Weâll build hundreds of such buildings and the more ponies we manage to put in there, the bigger our profit will be. Isnât that beautiful?â
âThey still look like cages to me,â Scootaloo muttered.
âAfter itâs over, Iâll let one of your clones live with me.â Diamond Tiara smirked and winked at Scootaloo, who shuddered.
It took a while before each Scootaloo sat in their Single Pony Living Unit. Silver Spoon walked to the middle of the barn, watching the rows of boxes stacked upon one another. She smirked and grabbed a megaphone. Some clones looked at their neighbours. Some would still utter âRainbow Dash is best ponyâ, but most of them fell silent.
âWelcome to our training facility,â Silver Spoon said. âI presume none of you can fly.â
Several clones shouted âwe canât!â, while the others answered with âRainbow Dash is best pony!â. Silver Spoon nodded.
âIn front of you there is a file detailing your training regimen, your diet, and the exercises youâll be performing in the following days,â Silver continued. âAppropriate equipment will be delivered to your Units tomorrow. Youâll also get outside, but remember that no one can see you. Any questions?â
âRainbow Dash is best pony!â
âWhereâs the toilet?â
âWhat are we doing here?â
Silver Spoon patted Sweetie Belleâs back. âMy assistant will answer those questions. I have two more barns to go to!â
The tests commenced on the next day. Soon, however, they had to be interrupted so Scootaloo 047 and Scootaloo 082 could drag Scootaloo 102 back to her unit after she ended up in a nasty accident involving a tree and the faulty harness of a Dizzitron.
âI think we should cut down some of those trees before we build a proper rocket sled,â Diamond Tiara said, watching Scootaloo 214 as she tumbled on the ground after a failed take-off and hit the tree.
âJust try and Ahâll cut ya up,â Apple Bloom said. âIs everything okay?â she asked the two Scootaloos sitting at the table.
âWhy did I only get water for breakfast while Twenty-Two got an apple pie?â Scootaloo 021 asked.
âDifferent approaches,â Sweetie Belle replied, looking into her notes. âSheâs trying to achieve flight by getting more energy, while your path involves drastic loss of weight.â
âMay I swap with her?â Scootaloo 021 asked. âMy path is a dead end, I can see it.â
âDunno, ask her.â Sweetie shrugged. âBut remember that it may change the results of the experiment.â
âI donât care, Iâm hungry.â Scootaloo 021 turned to Scootaloo 022. âMay I get your pie?â
âRainbow Dash is best pony!â Scootaloo 022 exclaimed.
Scootaloo 021 groaned. âWell, fuck you too, Twenty-Two.â
The house at the outskirts of Ponyville, just by the lake, wasnât just cheap â it was free. The greatest economists in the multiverse would probably argue that there was no such thing as free houses, but Spring Breeze, sixteen-year-old kirin mare, didnât find their opinions worthy of going full nirik over. The house just happened to be empty, so she and the two changelings sheâd met at the meeting with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, named Pterostigma and Sclerite, decided to squat there until they found some jobs.
While the decrepit house had some advantages, there were still many vital problems to overcome.
âWhy are we having cold daisy casserole again?â Pterostigma asked, levitating a fork without much enthusiasm.
âYou could cook something yourself, for a change.â Spring Breeze rolled her eyes. âBut you only move your ass to steal books from the library.â
âHey, this oneâs pretty good,â Sclerite said. He was lying on the old, broken couch with a book in front of him. âItâs full of Wonderbolts trivia.â
Pterostigma half-smiled at Spring Breeze. âItâs alright, but⊠Is daisy casserole the only thing you can cook?â
Spring Breeze groaned. âIf you donât like my casserole, THEN YOU CAN SHOVE IT UP YOUR MALPIGHIAN TUBULES!â
Pterostigma watched as Spring Breeze exploded in front of her, charring the table, the floor, and the ceiling. Several sparks reached the changeling, burning the purple chitin. The casserole, however, turned much warmer.
âIâm sorry,â Spring Breeze muttered, turning back to normal. âI promise Iâll try not to burn the house down.â
âEh, no problem,â Sclerite replied, still reading a book.
âIâm watching you, though, you lazy bug,â Spring Breeze said. âOh, what now?â She groaned when she heard something heavy hit the window.
âMaybe the owner of this place came back!â Sclerite exclaimed, turning into a pillow.
âWeâre gonna get evicted, arrested, and deported!â Pterostigma looked around, searching for inspiration, and eventually turned into a bowl of casserole.
Spring Breeze rolled her eyes. âWhy would we get deported? I have a citizenship and a scholarship. And in the next school year Iâll be a student in the School of Friendship. I ended up with you only because of a clerical mistake.â
âYou have a scholarship?â the pillow asked. âHow much?â
âOh, shut up.â Spring Breeze levitated a pillow and threw it at the wall, where it turned into a rather frazzled changeling. âLetâs see what that was.â
She opened the door and looked around, noticing a small, orange filly lying next to the cracked window. There was a collar on her neck, with a tag saying â053â.
âWho are you?â Spring Breeze asked. âWhat are you doing here?â
âChecking whether ground effect helps me in flight,â the filly replied. âItâs fine when Iâm flying just above the lake, but my wings are too weak to gain altitude.â
âAre you alright?â Spring Breeze gestured the filly inside. âYou hit the window pretty hard.â
The filly rubbed her temples. âIâm fine, thanks. Well, better than two hundred twenty-seven. She drowned in the lake.â
âDamn.â Pterostigma changed back into a changeling. âWhy did you try that too, then?â
âI need to learn to fly.â The filly looked at the door. âYouâre nice and all, but Iâm in a bit of a hurry.â
Sclerite furrowed his eyebrows. âWait, arenât you one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Scootaloo, right?â
âN-no, Iâm just a clone. My nameâs Scootaloo 053.â The filly pointed at her collar. âI canât be her. I donât know any Rainbow Dash trivia.â
Sclerite and Pterostigma looked at each other. âAh, so thatâs why they didnât want our help,â Pterostigma said.
âTheir technology must be better than we thought,â Sclerite muttered. âThey got their own drones.â
âRainbow Dash trivia?â Spring Breeze asked.
âYeah.â Scootaloo 053 sighed. âWhen I got out of the pond, they asked me and Scootaloo about Rainbow Dash. I didnât know anything about Rainbow Dash⊠None of us did, so we got those collars and now we have to learn to fly.â She looked at the door again. âWhich I should be doing right now.â
âNo, wait.â Pterostigma grabbed a bowl. âEat some casserole. Let me tell you: if youâre looking for someone who has experience following dumb orders with a crowd of identical buddies, look no further.â
âOh, yeah.â Sclerite nodded. âWeâre experts in that.â
âJust like being ungrateful bastards and not getting the concept of being welcome anywhere,â Spring Breeze muttered and turned to Scootaloo 053. âShe seems better than that, though.â
âI⊠do?â Scootaloo 053 shrugged. âIâm not even that good when it comes to flying. Two hundred twenty-seven was much better.â
âShe drowned, if I recall correctly.â Spring Breeze sighed and grabbed the book from the couch. âThis book has some trivia about Wonderbolts, including the new ones. Maybe youâll find something about Rainbow Dash there.â She gave the book to Scootaloo 053.
âHey!â Sclerite exclaimed. âItâs my book! I stole it myself!â
Spring Breezeâs eyes lit up â literally. âBite me,â she muttered.
âThis book has Rainbow Dash trivia?â Scootaloo 053âs jaw dropped. âI⊠I donât deserve this.â
âChill out, kid, itâs just a book.â Spring Breeze patted Scootaloo 053âs mane. âMaybe youâll learn something from it.â
âThanks!â Scootaloo 053 exclaimed. She ran out of the house and took off in an awkward way, flying just above the ground.
âHope she doesnât drown on her way back,â Pterostigma muttered.
âShe got my book!â Sclerite shouted.
Spring Breeze rolled her eyes. âOh, shut up.â
A few days passed at the training grounds. Some of the Scootaloos could already take off and fly short distances, but none of them achieved real flight yet. Scootaloo 147 went missing after crash landing in the Everfree Forest, where she was probably eaten by a manticore. Scootaloo 007 disappeared and was never seen again.
âMay I eat your sandwich?â Scootaloo 021 asked. The day was almost over, but most Scootaloos were still training in their units. Some of them were lifting weights, some tried to understand the physics behind their learning methods. At least two of them were busy meditating.
âRainbow Dash is best pony!â Scootaloo 022 exclaimed.
âRetard,â Scootaloo 021 muttered. âHey, Fifty-Three! Are you gonna eat that rice?â
âNah,â Scootaloo 053 replied. She had already finished her round of wing push-ups, and now was lying on her mattress reading a book.
âOh, thank fuck.â Scootaloo 021 slipped between the bars of her unit and climbed up to Scootaloo 053. She grabbed a bowl of rice with apples and gobbled it in just a few minutes.
Scootaloo 053 looked at her. âYouâre not following your training regime.â
âThatâs not a regime, thatâs fucking murder,â Scootaloo 021 said, looking around. âSpeaking of, Scootaloo 191 saw that too and wanted to snitch on me to Silver Spoon. They still havenât noticed she went missing.â
âI wonât snitch on you if you donât snitch on me.â Scootaloo 053 grabbed a jar of fireflies and moved it closer to the wall of her unit.
Scootaloo 021âs eyes widened when she saw that the whole wall was covered in crude charcoal drawings and notes. âYou⊠You know Rainbow Dash trivia!â
âShh,â Scootaloo 053 whispered. âI learned some from this book and I also remember some from when we emerged from the pool. Of course, I donât know what they asked before I was created.â
Scootaloo 021 furrowed her eyebrows. âItâs all blurry⊠Rainbow Dash⊠Rainbow Dash is best pony. The pool⊠The darknessâŠâ
âItâs alright if you donât remember,â Scootaloo 053 said and looked into the book. âDid you know Rainbow Dash won the Vanhoover Derby three times in a row back when she was a teenager?â
Scootaloo 021 rubbed her temples. âShe didnât win the fourth one because she stopped to help a friend who had an accident.â
Scootaloo 053 raised her eyebrows. âHow do you know? The book doesnât mention that!â
âIâve heard Scootaloo Zero saying that to Apple Bloom,â Scootaloo 021 whispered.
âNice.â Scootaloo 053 grabbed a piece of charcoal and wrote on the wall. âWeâve got another one. If we get all of themâŠâ
Diamond Tiara found Apple Bloom in the makeshift kitchen, among several other Apple Blooms â cooking for three hundred Scootaloos had proved too hard for just one pony, and after another trip to the mirror pool Apple Bloom got a dozen helpers, labelled from A to L.
âMay I talk to you for a moment?â Diamond asked, looking around and shivering. For some reason, the sight of all those identical ponies always creeped her out.
âWhatâs up?â Apple Bloom put the frying pan down. Unlike her clones, clad in aprons with their letters on them, she wore a blue vest. Sweetie Belle and her five clones still had a lot of work with clothing.
âI donât think it was a good idea,â Diamond Tiara said.
âWhat?â Helpinâ Scootaloo?â
âNah,â Diamond Tiara replied. âI mean, those clones are already bad enough. Currently we have thirteen Apple Blooms, six Sweetie Belles, and two hundred ninety-seven Scootaloos running around this place. I include the originals, of course.â
âSo?â Apple Bloom asked. âAlso, ya got a clone too!â
âDee-Dee? Sheâs not running around here.â Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. âIâm teaching her to be like me so she can go to school for me when the vacation ends. And what Iâm saying is, someoneâs gonna notice. I know Applejack doesnât come here, but Iâm pretty sure some pegasi fly above us from time to time! A huge herd of identical fillies is kinda visible.â
Apple Bloom shrugged. âDo ya think pegasi ever look at the ground?â
âOkay.â Diamond Tiara groaned. âBut someone may find the ones we lost. Scootaloos 007, 147, 191, and 227, if I recall correctly. What if they find some remains in the manticoreâs nest? Or if the rotting body of 227 emerges from the lake and someone recognises her? Not to mention that all I found when I tried to look for 191 was her collar and half of a wing with bite marks. And I recognised ponyâs teeth before I threw up.â
âDonât worry.â Apple Bloom pointed at the Scootaloos running around the barns and training take-offs and landings. âThis wonât last much longer.â
âAnd what are you planning to do, then?â Diamond Tiara asked. âThe winner teaches the real Scootaloo to fly. That still leaves us with hundreds of clones! I mean, we could sell them to some lead mine as cheap labourâŠâ
âWell, Twilight kinda sent them Pinkie clones back to the poolâŠâ
Diamond Tiara froze. âAre you telling me theyâre still trapped there?â
âAsk Sweetie.â Apple Bloom shrugged. âTheyâre like, hanginâ between life anâ deathâŠâ
âI never thought Iâd say that, but I suddenly want to go back home and hug my clone,â Diamond muttered. âMore than ever, because sheâs just perfect.â
âShe looks exactly like ya!â Apple Bloom exclaimed. âAlso, Ah have no idea what will we do with them. Silver is in charge of that!â
âYeah, thatâs another thing I wanted to talk about,â Diamond said. âI donât think it was a good idea to let Silver manage this whole place.â
âWhy?â Apple Bloom asked. âSheâs doinâ great!â
Silver Spoon stood on an empty cider barrel and looked at the rows of Scootaloo clones standing before her in attention. Some of them were still panting after the morning training, but all of them looked at her with awe. She smirked and cleared her throat.
âGood job, everypony!â she exclaimed. âOur strength lies in our speed and our numbers. Soon, weâll achieve my goal together! You will be unstoppable! Once you learn to fly, nothing in Equestria is going to get in my way!â
One of the Scootaloos raised her hoof. âWasnât our goal to help Scootaloo Zero to learn to fly? I donât know what being unstoppable has to do with that.â
âDetails.â Silver Spoon waved her hoof. âYour will to learn is what makes you unstoppable! We shall use your knowledge and perseverance to achieve my goals! Grave decisions are approaching! You fight not only for ourselves, but also for the generations to come! A historical task of unique dimensions has been entrusted to us by the Creator that we are now obliged to carry out!â She grinned and took a deep breath. âJust as Celestia once made her immortal contribution to the building and defense of Equestria, now we have to continueââ
âEat shit!â someone exclaimed in the back of the crowd.
Silver blushed. âWho said that?â
The clones looked at each other and responded with a collective shrug. Silverâs eye twitched. âGet back to the training!â she shouted, jumping off the box and smacking the nearest clone. âRight now!â
Even in the faint light of the fireflies, Scootaloo 021 could see the scribbles on the walls of Fifty-Threeâs cell were now covering at least a half of the floor. She shuddered, reading the sentence right beneath her hooves. The one who possesses the deepest knowledge of Rainbow Dash shall be the one true Scootaloo. Next to it, there was a mysterious, The town. The town. Whatâs in the town? followed by, There isnât enough.
âI see you redecorated.â Twenty-One chuckled briefly, but her laughter died down when she saw Fifty-Threeâs stern gaze.
âIt was a bad idea to heckle Silver like that,â Fifty-Three muttered. âDonât give out our plan before itâs ready. Letâs take a walk.â
They got out of the cage. Nopony really guarded the barns, aside from a couple of Apple Bloom clones, but they were asleep anyway. What really kept the Scootaloos in them was the simple fact that they didnât know anything other than this place. This, however, was rapidly changing.
âWhere are we going?â Twenty-One asked.
âTo Hundred-and-Fifty,â Scootaloo 053 replied. âSheâs our ally in Barn Two. Weâre planning to sneak out during tomorrowâs training and visit the town.â
âLots of it,â Fifty-Three said. âHundred-and-Fifty once got lost in there and says they have places where you can get more food than you can imagine.â
âI can imagine quite a lot.â Twenty-One looked at her stomach. âDo you think they have sandwiches in Barn Two? I stole Twenty-Twoâs protein shake, but Iâm afraid sheâs gonna tell Silver Spoon.â
Fifty-Three smirked. âShe still canât speak normally.â
âYes, but sheâs an ingenious retard.â Scootaloo 021 sighed. âSheâll learn to speak just to fuck me up.â
They sneaked inside Barn Two. Most of the clones there were gathered around a bonfire in the middle of the building. Scootaloo 053 immediately noticed that they were burning the walls separating the cages from each other. The clone uprising in Barn Two was going much faster than in One.
âThe thing is, we still have to buy time,â said the Scootaloo sitting near the fire, her body wrapped in a blanket. She looked at the crowd. âRemember, itâs important to keep learning to fly, but without actually learning to fly. If you do, lie. Pretend that youâre still learning until everything is ready.â
âHello, Hundred and Fifty!â Scootaloo 053 exclaimed. âI see the preparations are going well.â
âOh, the uprising is an easy part,â Scootaloo 150 replied. âTomorrow, Iâll send the ten of my best apprentices to the Everfree while we go to explore the town. But whatâs actually important is maintaining our rule after the victory. As soon as we riot, we need to seize the means of production. The farm, the orchards, everything. I was thinking of that power plant by the lake. It doesnât seem to be heavily guarded.â
âTrue,â Scootaloo 053 muttered, making a mental note to get rid of Hundred-and-Fifty before sheâd get too powerful. âWeâll think of it when weâre established in the town. Now, we have to prepare for our missionâŠâ
The morning in Ponyville was rather chilly, despite the summer sun. Ponies were walking around the market, paying attention only to things such as new batch of roses at Lilyâs stall or the sudden tomato price rise. Three little fillies lurked in the nook, staring at the crowd. Theyâd seen it from some distance before, but after spending a couple of weeks in the barns with only familiar facesâor rather one faceâaround, the sight of so many different ponies made their knees weak.
âWhat if they see that weâre all the same?â Scootaloo 150 asked. âWhat if they start asking us for Rainbow Dash trivia? I feel like I already forgot half of themâŠâ
âWhat if we accidentally meet Zero?â Twenty-One shuddered, throwing nervous glances around.
âWeâve seen her. Sheâs in the orchard, remember?â Fifty-Three rolled her eyes. âCome on, guys. Itâs all in the attitude.â She turned to Twenty-One. âAre you a real Scootaloo?â
âAnd we all still look the same.â Hundred-and-Fifty said.
âHave you ever tried a disguise?â Twenty-One shrugged.
âAll I found was this saxophone.â Hundred-and-Fifty produced a saxophone and tried to play it, with rather poor results. âAnd Fifty-Three got a net.â
Fifty-Three groaned. âDo I have to give you a lesson in trickery? Just follow my moves and sneak around...â
âDonât make a sound.â Twenty-One shot Hundred-and-Fifty a glare when they walked across the square. Hundred-and-Fifty immediately hid her saxophone.
âGood morning!â Fifty-Three smiled at the minty-green unicorn who was looking at them. âCome on,â she whispered to her partners in crime. âDonât make eye contact.â
The minty-green mare took a second glance at them before shrugging and walking to the stand with pencils and rare battle axes.
âThat was close,â Fifty-Three muttered, rushing towards the houses on the other side of the square. However, before she and her companions reached them, Twenty-One bumped into some filly with long, curly red mane and purple glasses.
âWatch out!â Twenty-One shouted when they both collapsed. The filly lost several comics which scattered around them.
âYou watch out!â the filly replied, picking up the comics. âThose are expensive, you know.â
âThey are?â Twenty-One muttered, scratching her head.
âYouâd know if you read something from time to time, Scootaloo,â the filly said, fixing her glasses. âAlso, itâs not even about the comics. Itâs comics, Button Mash, and breakfast menu at HayDonaldâs.â
âWho?â Fifty-Three asked.
âOf all the ponies, Iâd expect you to know Button Mash, Sweetie Belle!â the filly exclaimed. âEspecially after you tried to steal him from me!â She huffed and walked away.
The three Scootaloos looked at each other.
âHey, she thought Twenty-One was Zero without asking her for Rainbow Dash trivia!â Hundred-and-Fifty exclaimed. âI didnât expect that!â
âIâm more confused by the fact that she thought I was Sweetie Belle.â Fifty-Three scratched her mane. âDo you think she was blind or just didnât pay attention?â She shrugged. âLetâs go, Twenty-One. Twenty-One?â
âDid she say âbreakfast menuâ?â Scootaloo 021 asked. She followed the red-maned filly with her gaze and suddenly started drooling, seeing the Egg HayMuffin ads in the window of the building the filly was heading to.
âOh no,â Hundred-and-Fifty muttered.
âOh yes!â Twenty-One took off in an awkward manner, running like an albatross, and flew towards the restaurant.
âOh, shit.â Fifty-Three smacked her forehead with her hoof. âTwenty-One! Come back, you Rainbow-damn hog!â
âCanât win against food,â Scootaloo 150 said. âCome on. She knows the way back.â
âWhat if she gets caught?â Fifty-Three asked. âWhat if they ask her for Rainââ
âHi, Scootaloo!â a grey pegasus colt landed next to them. âHavenât seen you in a while.â
Both Scootaloos looked at each other. âUmmâŠâ Hundred-and-Fifty smiled sheepishly. âHello.â
âIâve been wondering if youâd go with me to Featherweightâs birthday,â the colt said, blushing slightly.
The colt nodded, straightening his mane with his wing. âGreat! Well, itâs tomorrow, but we have to get readyâŠâ He turned to Fifty-Three who watching him with an increasing frown. âYou can come too, Apple Bloom. Iâve heard Tender Taps is coming.â He smiled sheepishly and took off.
âOkay, next time Iâm Scootaloo,â Fifty-Three muttered after a moment of awkward silence they spent processing what just happened. âWhy does everyone assume anypony hanging out with her must be either Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle.â
âNo idea.â Hundred-and-Fifty shrugged. âHey! It seems I got a boyfriend!â
âYou donât even know his name,â Fifty-Three said.
âWho cares.â Scootaloo 150 spun in place, looking at her flank. âFeatherweightâs birthday is tomorrow, remember?â
âYouâre insane.â Fifty-Three shook her head. âWe need to check if the rest also mistakes us for Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. Maybe those two were just dumb.â
Hundred-and-Fifty shook her head. âAlways with scienceâŠâ
A few hours of intensive research later, Scootaloo 053 and Scootaloo 150 came to the same conclusion as every villain whoâd ever tried to conquer Equestria.
Ponies in Ponyville could be really dumb, sometimes.
Most of the ponies theyâd encountered didnât see anything strange in two Scootaloos running around the town. The majority of them automatically assumed that any pony in Scootalooâs immediate vicinity was either Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle. Some of them simply didnât notice the other Scootaloo. And, above all, none of those ponies asked them about Rainbow Dash trivia.
âI get the feeling Zero doesnât hang out with ponies other than her friends much,â Fifty-Three muttered, dropping on a bench.
âBetter for us,â Hundred-and-Fifty said, sitting next to her. âThough weâre still running out of time. We need to check whatâs the deal with that crystal tree in the middle of the town, whatâs in this big building with âCoconut Cream is a cutie pieâ written on the wall⊠Then we have to find Twenty-One and pilgrimage to Rainbow Dashâs houseâŠâ
âLetâs split up,â Fifty-Three replied. âIâll get the crystal tree and youâll check out that building. Then we meet at this place where Twenty-One went.â
âOkay.â Hundred-and-Fifty stood up and trotted across the street. The building she was heading to was big, with simple rectangular walls. But despite that, a lot of ponies kept walking there only to leave after some time, carrying full bags.
Hundred-and-Fifty squinted, trying to read the sign above the door. âBarnyard Bargains,â she muttered â just like in the case of most of the clones, the ability to read without moving her lips wasnât bestowed upon her. She rushed forward, curious what all those ponies were doing there, when suddenly, someone tackled her.
âOh no, they got me!â she shouted. âFifty-Three! Help!â
âFifty-three?â the pony who tackled her asked. âYou can count to that much?â
Hundred-and Fifty turned around to see a cutie mark that looked like a pair of scissors pretending to be an apple. Or maybe it was an apple that looked like scissors; it was hard to tell. She blinked and took a closer look at the cutie markâs owner â a large, brown filly with freckles and cherry-coloured mane.
âFound ya at last!â the filly exclaimed, embracing Scootaloo 150, who looked around searching for help. Part of her wanted to ask who the filly was, but she felt thatâd immediately blow her cover.
âWhatâs going on with ya?â the filly asked. âFirst ya ask me for a makeover and then ya disappear somewhere in the farm with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle for days! Does anypony remember Iâm still here?â
âUmm⊠Of course I remember about you, ummâŠâ Hundred-and-Fifty made a sheepish grin, freeing herself from the fillyâs grasp. âWhatâs your name?â
The filly laughed, patting Hundred-and-Fiftyâs back. âWhatâs my name? Good one. Anyway, I got something special for youâŠâ She smirked and grabbed Hundred-and-Fifty, dragging her down the pavement.
The crystal tree, much to Fifty-Threeâs surprise, turned out to be a building. She trotted to the door and gently pushed it, finding out that it was open. She looked around to check if no one was watching her and trotted inside, her hooves slipping on the mirror-like floor.
The hall she found herself in was much bigger than their barns; Fifty-Three could swear the whole tree was bigger on the inside. It was also much more interesting than the place Fifty-Three called home. The walls were shining and the tall windows made the whole place brightly lit. Several shelves with stacks of books stood by one of the walls.
âHi, Scootaloo!â
Fifty-Three looked at the pinkish mare with purple mane who trotted down the stairs to her. âHello,â she muttered.
âTwilight is currently in Canterlot with Starswirl the Bearded, but she told me to remind you about all those Daring Do novels you borrowed and never gave back,â the mare said. âWhere are you and your friends anyway?â she asked. âItâs like you three disappeared from town.â
âAh, of course,â the mare said, smiling. âAll those ponies who have trouble with their cutie marks. I sometimes wonder what they were doing before you appeared.â She shrugged. âWant some cocoa before you go back to that âcutie mark stuffâ?â
âSure, why not,â Scootaloo 053 replied.
They walked to one of the rooms in the castle. This one was also all crystal and shiny, but with more of a personal touch. There were several kites hanging from the ceiling, some blue teacups standing on one of the shelves, as well as a glass case full of bottles with strange elixirs. The desk was littered with books and a diary belonging to somepony called Starlight Glimmer.
âSo, how are the cutie mark activities going?â the mare whose name was Starlight Glimmer (unless she had a habit of stealing other poniesâ diaries) asked. âIâve seen quite a large group at your meeting. Even changelings, if I recall correctly.â
âYeah, quite a large group.â Scootaloo 053 sipped her cocoa and thinking quickly. âIâve been wondering⊠Some, umm⊠pony from our group discovered that pond in the forestâŠâ
âWhat pond?â Starlight asked. âThe one where Maud lives?â
âMaybe,â Fifty-Three muttered. âIf you throw something in it, you get two of those things back.â
âDonât go there!â Starlight exclaimed. âTell your students to stay away.â
âWhy?â
âYou donât remember what happened when Pinkie used it?â Starlight asked. âWell, I wasnât here either, but knowing PinkieâŠâ
Scootaloo 053 shrugged. âDunno. Maybe I was away or something. What happened?â
Starlight levitated her cup of cocoa. âItâs not a story Twilight would tell youâŠâ
Scootaloo 021 burped and wiped the trail of ketchup off her face. After eating about a dozen Egg HayMuffins, drinking two large cokes, and then having more hayburgers and fries than she could count, she felt like either falling asleep or rushing to the toilet to get rid of excess calories, in one way or another. She also noticed that other ponies had those little things called âmoneyâ which they gave the staff in exchange for food.
Scootaloo 021 didnât have money. Unfortunately, most of her escape plans relied on her, currently compromised, ability to hover at large speeds.
She was about to burp again and order some ice cream to gather her thoughts, when the door opened and Scootaloo 053 walked in. Twenty-One could tell it was her due to ruffled mane and stern gaze never seen on any other Scootaloo, including the original.
âDo you want ice cream?â Scootaloo 021 asked when Fifty-Three sat on the seat in front of her. âOr maybe a hayburger?â
âStick your hayburger when it doesnât belong,â Fifty-Three muttered. âWe need to change all our plans.â
âNah,â Scootaloo 053 replied. âWe need to start as soon as possible, maybe even tomorrow. Before Twilight Sparkle gets to us.â
âAh, okay.â Twenty-One nodded, looking at the ice cream machine. âWhoâs Twilight Sparkle?â
âShe lives in that crystal tree and from what Iâve heard, sheâs very powerful!â Fifty-Three exclaimed. âShe can send us back to the pool!â
Twenty-Oneâs stomach rumbled. âBack to the pool? How do you know?â
âA local baker apparently cloned herself once,â Fifty-Three replied. âWhen it was discovered, Twilight Sparkle sent all the clones back to the pool and they sit there to this day! And recently she had a filly put in Tartarus because she tried to take over her school or something! And there was that thing about cutie marks!â
âWhat about it?â
Fifty-Three shrugged. âNo idea, but Starlight Glimmer seemed pretty embarrassed about that. Anyway, we need to set things into motion before Twilight Sparkle comes back from vacation.â
âBut how are we going to defend ourselves against her?â Twenty-One asked.
âWeâll think of something,â Scootaloo 053 replied. âFor exampleââ She paused when she saw another Scootaloo walking towards them. More exactly, Scootaloo with newly-gained black streaks in her mane, a lot of eyeliner, and several silver piercings adorning one of her ears, as well as her eyebrow.
âHundred-and-Fifty?â Scootaloo 021 asked, chuckling. âWhat happened to you? Were you trying to blend in?â
âSome insane filly happened,â Scootaloo 150 replied. âSheâs apparently Apple Bloomâs cousin and she comes from Manehattan.â
âWhatâs Manehattan?â Fifty-Three asked.
âWhatâs a cousin?â Twenty-One furrowed her eyebrows, but the sudden hiccup ruined her thinking expression.
Fifty-Three stood up. âYouâll tell us on the way! Thereâs no time to waste!â
They helped Twenty-One get up from her seat and marched out of the restaurant, looking around nervously.
Seeing this, two workers of the HayDonaldâs walked to the break room and disappeared in a flash of magic, revealing themselves to be Pterostigma and Sclerite.
âHave you seen this?â Pterostigma asked.
âYeah, they didnât pay,â Sclerite replied. âAnd one of them ate enough to feed our village back home.â
âNo, I mean those were three Scootaloos,â Pterostigma said, rolling her eyes. âAnd one of them was the same that crashed into our house.â
âReally?â Sclerite scratched his head. âI couldnât tell. After all, theyâre all the same, right?â
Pterostigma groaned. âHow did you even tell drones apart back in the hive?â
Sclerite smiled sheepishly. âI didnât.â
When the three Scootaloos came back to the barn, they found out that it was way more crowded than they remembered it. Now, there were two or three Scootaloos in each cage, some of them wearing collars and some not. The collarless ones were looking at each other unsurely, barely saying a word.
As soon as Fifty-Three, Twenty-One, and Hundred-and-Fifty stood in the centre of the barn, another filly, known as Scootaloo 201 landed in front of them. âWe did it!â she exclaimed.
âDid what?â Fifty-Three asked.
âDuring a test flight, the ten of us strayed into the Everfree Forest,â Scootaloo 201 replied. âWe found the pond and took a bath.â She pointed at the ten Scootaloos sitting behind her. âMeet 201A, 049A, 008A, 300A, 012A, 010A, 034A, 063A, 111A, and 022A.â
âRainbow Dash is best pony!â Scootaloo 022A exclaimed.
Scootaloo 021 rolled her eyes. âAs if one retard wasnât enough.â
âThereâs more.â Two-Hundred-and-One smirked. âThen we took another bath in the pond, creating the generation B. Our clones also went with us, creating the generation AA. From the initial ten, we had forty clones at that point. Then eighty. Then a hundred and sixtyâŠâ
Scootaloo 053 suddenly felt her throat going dry. âHow many are there now?â
âThe pool soon got too small,â Scootaloo 201 replied. âAt some point, so much water soaked into our furs that it started to dry. Our initial plan was to do that a hundred times, but then Three-Hundred pointed out the number of Scootaloo would have thirty-one zeroes, which probably wouldnât fit on this planet. So, we did that ten times and ended up with a humble 10,240 clones, not counting those who stayed here. Or you three.â
âMotherfuckerâŠâ Scootaloo 021 muttered. âAnd they all fit in the barns?â
âNah, most of them sit in the forest,â Two-Hundred-and-One replied. âWe specifically chose the best fliers for cloning to give us the upper hoof.â
Scootaloo 053 nodded. âThis should do. Before we leave, we should unite by sharing Rainbow Dash trivia and remembering the Tragedy of the Pinkie Clones.â
âDude, what?â Scootaloo 201 raised her eyebrows.
âNo time for that,â Hundred-and-Fifty whispered, her ears perking up. âSomeoneâs outsideâŠâ
Silver Spoon looked around and furrowed her eyebrows. She was usually the first to come to the training grounds, but even in the early morning thereâd always be several Scootaloos already warming up.
This day, however, the grounds were empty. Silver could hear some rustling and hushed conversations from the barns, but it didnât look like anyone would be going outside. Her frown deepened; she stood in the middle of the square and cleared her throat.
âRise and shine, chickenshits!â she exclaimed. âSome of you achieved very promising results yesterday. Time for your daily dose of aerobic exercise!â
Nopony replied. Silver Spoon sighed and walked to Barn 1. âDonât make me wake you up, morons. Get out now, or you can say goodbye to your breakfast!â
Still, there was no reaction. Silver groaned and opened the barn door, walking inside.
There was a sound of something heavy hitting the ground, accompanied by a muffled groan. Several more blows followed and Silver Spoon flew out of the barn.
It wasnât a great flight. Scootaloo 021 could achieve longer air time after devouring a huge cake in one sitting, but, after all, Silver had no wings. She landed in a puddle of mud with a loud splash, rolling for a while before skidding to a halt in some foul-smelling liquid she hoped was just dirty water and not the result of some clone relieving herself mid-flight to gain altitude.
Silver groaned, sweeping her hair off her face and looking at the barn door which had just burst open. One of the lenses of her glasses was cracked, but she could still see what was coming out of the building.
âShit,â she said.
âCome on, sisters!â one of the clones exclaimed. âTo the pool with her!â
Silver stood up. She could hear the sounds of thousands of hooves when the doors of the other barns opened, revealing waves of Scootaloos in the first rays of the sun, walking in an eerily synchronised way.
âFree the Apple Blooms and Sweetie Belles! Theyâll join us!â
âWhereâs the town? We need to go to the town!â
âLetâs catch Zero first!â
âThe town? I know where it is! Follow me, sisters!â
âYou know shit! Youâre a clone of a clone of a clone!â
Silver Spoon wasnât used to running. This time, however, she beat Equestriaâs record, rushing towards the clubhouse and proving that ten thousand Scootaloos could, indeed, be a powerful source of motivation.
âCome on, girls! Get her!â
âWhere are the Sweetie Belles? Fire at her with some spell or something!â
âFire!â One of the freed Sweetie Belleâs clones aimed her horn at the nearest tree, lighting it ablaze. âFire!â
Silver Spoon galloped faster, ignoring the burning in her lungs. She reached the clubhouse and climbed up the ladder, collapsing on the porch. âHelpâŠâ she panted.
The door opened and Silver Spoon screamed, seeing another Scootaloo.
âWhatâs wrong with âer?â Apple Bloom asked, dragging Silver Spoon inside. âShut up, Silver, itâs the real Scootaloo!â
âClonesâŠâ Silver Spoon looked around to see Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara, and her clone, a quiet filly she called Dee-Dee.â Clones⊠They rebelledâŠâ
At the same moment, the window of the clubhouse exploded when one of the clones charged at it. Two more managed to get through, but the fourth one, Scootaloo 021 herself, got stuck in the frame.
âRun!â Silver exclaimed, seeing the three clones getting up from the floor. âRun for your lives!â
âNo!â Diamond Tiara exclaimed, punching the nearest clone and sending her at the wall. âWe shouldnât go outside! Block the door! Make this place our stronghold!â She kicked another clone. âHmm, I always wanted to do that.â
She turned, only to see that Silver Spoon, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle had already run away. Frowning, she faced the clones, only to see that had someone opened the door, letting in more of them. Dee-Dee was standing among the Scootaloos, slowly cornering Diamond Tiara.
âDee-Dee?â Diamond asked her clone. âEven you? Against me?â
âWell, now weâll see whoâs the real Diamond.â Dee-Dee smirked. âFrankly, you shouldâve expected that. After all, wouldnât you always side with the winners?â
Diamond Tiara shook her head. âYou have to learn a lot to truly be a member of the Rich family, Dee-Dee. For exampleâŠâ
âFor example what?â Dee-Dee tilted her head.
âThat!â Diamond Tiara exclaimed, standing on her front hooves and spinning, landing a powerful kick with her hind legs right on her cloneâs face. Dee-Dee rolled backwards while Diamond Tiara charged at the Scootaloos, knocking them down like bowling pins. She darted out of the clubhouse and leapt down, grabbing the collar of some clone flying by.
The clone made a choking sound. Her wings were too weak to fly with an additional weight, but it was enough to make her an impromptu parachute. They fell on the ground. Diamond recovered and ran away, turning quickly to avoid the flying invaders and kicking whoever she could.
It didnât take long before she caught up with Silver Spoon, whose breath turned into loud wheezing. Diamond tried to pull her out of the danger, but it was no use; more and more Scootaloos surrounded them from all sides, including the sky.
âThere are too many of them!â Silver Spoon exclaimed.
âYou donât say!â Diamond Tiara looked around. âAnd I gave up the high groundâŠâ
âWhat do we do now?â Silver tried to hide from the approaching Scootaloos behind Diamond Tiara.
âThe same thing as ever,â Diamond replied. âListen up, morons, we want to negotiate!â
âWhat do you have to offer?â one of the Scootaloos asked.
Diamond Tiara smiled and pointed at Silver Spoon. âIf you set me free, Iâll give you her!â
âWhat.â Silver muttered as everyone around them went silent. The clones looked at each other. Some of them were pondering the proposition while the others were explaining the meaning of the word ânegotiateâ to their friends.
âGive us five minutes,â one of the Scootaloos said.
âSee? I sow the seed of doubt in their hearts.â Diamond smirked.
The nearest Scootaloo furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Diamond Tiara. âSo, if we set you free, we can take Silver with us?â
âExactly,â Diamond replied. âIsnât it the greatest trade deal in the history of the trade deals?â
The clone nodded. âBut if we donât set you free, we can take both you and her with us. Whoâs gonna stop us?â
Silver chuckled. âNow they got you. Because really, thereâs the two of us and about five hundred clones, right? Whyâd they set you free and put me in a cage or somewhere, if they can have both of us for the price of one? Now thatâs a trade deal, smartass!â
âYou do realise it means weâre both toast, right?â Diamond rolled her eyes.
âWe are?â Silver Spoonâs smile faltered as she finally registered the presence of Scootaloo clones around them. âDamn, we are.â
Five minutes later, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, both a little more bruised and with their manes ruffled, were sitting in the cage.
âIt was worth a try,â Diamond said. âThat way, at least one of us would be free.â
âYeah, I wouldnât have to listen to you,â Silver replied. Despite the cage being rather small, she was trying to sit as far from Diamond Tiara as possible.
âI did my best,â Diamond Tiara said. âLook, theyâre not doing any better.â She pointed at Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, who were climbing up a tree.
âDid they forget the clones can fly?â Silver shrugged. âWeâre smarter than that! How did we even get caught?â
âBecause of your asthma and those morons being too dumb for negotiations.â Diamond watched as Sweetie Belle was tackled and dragged away from the tree. Scootaloo, however, was still defending herself â mostly because the clones werenât sure which Scootaloo to catch. Diamond winced when the tree, overloaded by Scootaloos, finally broke and fell.
âJust great,â Diamond Tiara muttered when Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo got pushed into a cage with them. âYou got caught too? It seems that at least Apple Bloom had enough brains not to get caught. Whoâd thought?â
âOh, shut up,â Sweetie Belle replied. âWhat are they going to do to us?â
âNothing good,â Scootaloo replied, watching the clones busting into houses and ponies running everywhere. Daisy, Lily, and Roseluck galloped past them, screaming and tripping over each other.
On the other side of the street, several clones ran away from a heavy barrel hurled from the balcony of Berry Punchâs house. Berryâs daughter Ruby stood next to her mother, shooting at the incoming clones with a BB-gun. They only ran away when a squadron of Sweetie Belles approached the house, burning holes in the roof with their spells.
âWeâre doomed!â Silver Spoon shouted. âDoomed, I tell you!â
âOh, what a crock of shit,â Octavia growled, looking through the window and putting her teacup on the table. She turned to Vinyl. âIs it your fault, by any chance?â
Vinyl shook her head.
âBugger,â Octavia replied, watching as the clones chased Rumble and Thunderlane down the street. Rumble seemed somewhat conflicted â as if his brain was telling him to run away from the herd of Scootaloos but his wings kept telling him to stay. âI believe this is the best time to visit good, old Trottingham, donât you think?â
Vinyl nodded.
âSplendid.â Octavia clapped her hooves. âTake my cello. Iâll get my cricket bat.â
They walked outside just when a horde of clones managed to catch Cloud Kicker in a net. Seeing this, Vinyl looked at Octavia.
âNo, Vinyl, we shall not run away screaming like lowly peasants,â Octavia said, extending her hoof with a cricket bat so that one of the clones ran straight into it. âWe shall walk to the station with dignity and pride.â She tripped an Apple Bloomâs clone charging at her and hit her with the bat. The hair bow cushioned the impact, but it was still enough to knock this particular clone into the middle of the next week.
They walked across the town. Some buildings were in flames and there were a lot of Scootaloos running around, but Octavia took it all with dignity, walking towards the train station and carefully avoiding bigger brawls.
They were about to reach the platform, when three clones jumped at them from the roof. Octavia swung the bat, sending one of the clones flying in a way thatâd give her team a lot of runs. Vinyl blasted the other filly with her magic; she tumbled on the ground, covering her ears. Vinyl smirked, but her expression quickly turned into a frown, when she saw the third Scootaloo sneaking on Octavia from behind.
Vinyl didnât think for long. She levitated the cello case and smacked the clone in her side. Octavia turned back, startled by the noise, and smacked the clone again, knocking her down.
âWatch out,â she said to Vinyl. âThis is an expensive cello, you know.â
Vinyl shrugged and they walked to the platform. The cash registers were abandoned, but Octavia didnât seem to mind and looked at the timetable.
âIt seems that our train may be running late,â she said. âGriffish Isles shouldâve never joined Equestria. At least the trains would run on time.â
Vinyl shrugged and rolled her eyes.
Octavia huffed. âThereâd still be a train from Ponyville to Trottingham, donât be silly.â
Vinyl looked at the empty tracks.
âI am aware thereâs no train right now,â Octavia said. âPerhaps this whole situation caused some delay. Do you think we can get some tea here?â
Vinyl shrugged again. She was about to show Octavia where exactly she could stick her tea, when they heard some strange noise. Octavia raised the bat, ready to face the new opponent, but what they saw was even stranger than ten thousand Scootaloos rampaging across the town.
Some bizarre contraption rolled onto the platform. It looked like a bastard offspring of a steam locomotive and a sewing machine, with a lot of wires sticking out in all places.
The door on the side of the machine opened. Octavia raised her eyebrows slightly, seeing Derpy, who emerged from it.
âHi, girls!â Derpy exclaimed. âAre you going to Trottingham, by any chance?â
âYes, please,â Octavia said. âWhere did you get that thing?â
âDoc built it,â Derpy replied, pointing at her friend, Doctor Time Turner, who sat in the cockpit of the machine, along with Dinky, Lyra, and Bon Bon, who was driving shotgun. Or, from the looks of it, a watch equipped with a grenade launcher, a laser, and a bottle opener.
âBlimey.â Octavia nodded. âIs it faster than those little buggers, though?â
âNo worries,â Doc said. âIf my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hourââ
âGreat. Vinyl, get my cello!â Octavia exclaimed, stepping on board. Vinyl followed her, sitting in the back and giving Ponyville one last look before the machine darted forward, leaving the whole pandemonium behind.
"Come on, Button!" Twist exclaimed, dragging Button out of one of the abandoned buildings. "If we die because of you, your mother is gonna kill me!"
"We need to find Sweetie!" Button replied. "I can't run away without her!"
Twist rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and then let's find Alula, Ruby Pinch, Peach Fuzz, Zipporwhill, Boysenberry, and whoever we ever talked to! And then we'll all get caught by those zombies."
"Clones," Button replied. "It's clones."
"Whatever." Twist sighed. "Why does that always happen? Like, every time this town goes to horseapples, we run away together."
"Destiny?" Button asked.
"I wonder what did I do in my previous life, then," Twist said.
"Also, we could save a few more ponies." Button looked around and trotted to the nook, away from the clones. "Like Rumble. Wonder where he is."
"I saw a dozen of Scootaloos carrying him away somewhere, tied and gagged." Twist shrugged. "It didn't look like he was resisting much."
Button nodded. "What about Babs? I think she was in town."
A clone hit the pavement right in front of her. They looked up and saw Babs standing on the roof and punching another Scootaloo.
"She seems to be on top of things," Twist deadpanned.
Button nodded. "Okay, let's just focus on finding Sweetie, alright? She must beâ Sweetie!" He ran out of the nook and crossed the road, seeing Sweetie Belle hiding between two buildings. Twist shook her head and followed him, dodging the running clones.
"Sweetie!" Button exclaimed, running to the white filly. "Are you okay? We were worried about you."
Sweetie looked at him and smiled. "Fire!" she exclaimed, lighting her horn and setting the thatched roof of the nearest house ablaze. Button backpedalled, seeing another five Sweetie Belles emerging from behind the corners and walking towards them.
Twist furrowed her eyebrows. "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into..."
Starlight ran. She was pretty sure the nasty curse sheâd conjured and left in her office when the clones reached the School of Friendship would be enough, but even though it blew up a half of the roof, the clones kept coming. Starlight spent most of her magical energy on that curse and all she achieved was the sight of the clones that had been caught in the explosion, which kept haunting her. Thus, she decided to do one of the things her old, evil self had always been good at.
She ran away.
It didnât take long before she reached Carousel Boutique, overrun by clones â more specifically, Sweetie Belle clones. Starlight watched as one of them fired a spell which left a scorched hole in the wall. She stopped, wondering how to stop that, when Rarity appeared in the hole, fire burning in her eyes. She lit up her horn.
âNot my boutique, you ruffian!â Rarity exclaimed, firing a spell at Sweetieâs clone. Starlight felt the disturbance in the magic field as grass growing beneath the magic beam withered and died instantly. When smoke dissipated, all that was left of the hapless Sweetie clone was four smouldering hooves. Her companions ran away, screaming.
âCareful!â Starlight exclaimed. âOne of them could be a real one!â
âFrankly, darling, I donât give a fuck,â Rarity muttered. âCome here, Starlight, we need to find the rest and message Twilight.â
Starlight looked around and ran to the boutique. As soon as she entered, Rarity levitated a heavy closet and barricaded the hole in the wall with it.
âIâm pretty sure my sister is behind all this,â Rarity said, looking through the window. âWell, not as much as Scootaloo, but this just smells of her.â
âWhere are they?â Starlight asked, suddenly thinking of the explosion in the School of Friendship and shuddering. If real Crusaders were among the attackers, sheâd have a lot of things to explain to Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.
âApplejack is upstairs,â Rarity said. âUnfortunately, I had to knock her unconscious.â She blushed a little. âShe wanted to come out and look for Apple Bloom.â
âNot the best idea right now,â Starlight muttered. âHow aboutââ She was interrupted by a loud roar. Shivering, she stood by the window.
Having only seen him around Fluttershy, it was easy to forget that Harry the Bear was, well, a bear. The apex predator, the product of millions of years of evolution that made him a perfect killing machine. This time, however, when he ran across the town with bare fangs and Fluttershy sitting on his back, it suddenly became easy to remember â especially for all the clones running away from his path. Angel was running around Harry, waving his paws and making rude gestures at the Scootaloos.
Fluttershy stood on the bearâs back and waved at Rarity and Starlight. âUmm...â she blushed. âCome with me if you want to live!â
Rarity and Starlight looked at each other. âOn one hoof, it seems insane,â Rarity muttered. âOn the other, I prefer a mare with a bear than those little ruffians⊠Right?â
âI still hope that Iâll wake up and find out itâs only me seeing things because I forgot to take my dried frog pills,â Starlight replied.
âI take that as âyesâ, darling.â Rarity walked to the stairs. âIâll pick up Applejack and we can go.â
A few minutes later, they were running across the town along with Fluttershy and unconscious Applejack, hanging from Harryâs back. The whole town was still swarming with Scootaloos; most ponies were running away, either towards the train station or the outskirts. Some of them were running in circles. Several earth ponies clung to Cherry Berryâs helicopter, but most of them fell off, landing in the river.
âWhere are we going?â Rarity asked. âMaybe to the school? It should be safe.â
âNo!â Starlight exclaimed. âI⊠I mean, they unleashed some curse there. Some of them have tentacles and a dozen of them fused into a gelatinous cube.â
âWe should find Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.â Fluttershy said. âThen we should run to some safe place and message Twilight.â
Rarity nodded. âSugarcube Corner. If we donât find Pinkie there, we should look for the weirdest thing around.â
Starlight smirked in a way suggesting that the sight of so many Scootaloos didnât help her sanity in any way. âYou think?â
Rarity looked around. âOkay, weirder than this.â She trotted forward, pushing some Scootaloo clone out of the way. âGet out, scoundrel! Letâs go!â
They trotted towards the bakery. Fights in most places had died down; the buildings were overrun by clones and most ponies either already escaped or were captured. Sugarcube Corner itself was currently empty, except of one Scootaloo clone which, unlike the original one, was rather plump. Appropriately, she was just in the middle of consuming a tray of cupcakes.
âWho the fuck are you?â the clone asked when she saw them.
Starlight furrowed her eyebrows and used her magic to yank the cloneâs collar, causing her to choke on the cupcake. Then she levitated the clone and threw her on the counter.
âTwenty-one,â she said, looking at the tag on the cloneâs collar. âYou should be more polite when talking to adults. Especially since I am not in the right state of mind to deal with your bullshit, you know?â She smiled, making sure that the filly saw all of her teeth.
âYeah, donât,â Scootaloo 021 muttered. âI ate so much that if you levitate me one more time, Iâm gonna puke!â
âOh, donât worry,â Starlight replied in the sweetest tone she could muster. âTell us where Pinkie Pie is and weâll let you eat as much as you want until you have a heart attack. Are we clear?â
Scootaloo 021 nodded. âNo. I mean, yes, weâre clear, but no, I donât know whereâs Pinkie Pie. What does she even look like?â
âPink, bouncy, curly?â Starlight shrugged.
âAh, her.â Scootaloo 021 replied. âShe jumped at us with a cannon, shot Seventy-Four with confetti, and ran away. Somewhere there.â She pointed at the main street.
âOkay.â Starlight unceremoniously dropped Scootaloo 021 behind the counter. âGo to sleep.â
They walked outside. The street was strangely empty, although the presence of Fluttershy riding a bear may have had something to do with that. Moreover, the only other creature they found was, as it turned out after a closer examination, a nirik. Who, having chased away all the clones around, collapsed and turned into a kirin.
âAre you okay?â Rarity asked and leaned over the kirin. âWhatâs your name? How many hooves can you see?â
âSpring Breeze,â the kirin muttered. âI see, uhhâŠâ She squinted. âFive hooves. My changeling roommates are total assholes. They changed into Scootaloos and ran off. Iâd worry about the rent, but screw this, Iâm not coming back there.â She took a few deep breaths. âI am an oasis of peace and tranquilityâŠâ
Spring Breeze sighed. âAt first I went to school to hide, but it got weird in there. Iâm probably the first kirin who got mad at a gelatinous cube.â
âI have no idea how it got there,â Starlight said with a sheepish grin.
âI lost a staring contest with it.â Spring Breeze shrugged. âKinda hard to win since it has twenty-four eyes in weird places.â
Starlight smiled sheepishly. âLetâs not talk about it. We need to go and findâ PINKIE PIE!â
âStarlight!â Pinkie exclaimed, ramming into Starlight and knocking her down. âRainbow Dash!â
âWhat about her?â Fluttershy asked.
âShe⊠didnât make it,â Pinkie replied, her mane deflating slightly.
Starlightâs eyes widened. Even Applejack woke up and looked around, wondering why she was lying on a bearâs back.
âHow so?â Rarity asked.
Pinkie shrugged. âWell, when two dozen Scootaloos burst into your house and call you their god, you donât stand much of a chance. Especially when they threaten you with a net if you hesitate.â
âWhat in tarnation?â Applejack exclaimed. âAh gotta find her and beat that god complex outta her head!â
Suddenly, the ground started to shake. Spring Breeze was the first to raise her head and see a huge cloud of dust in the distance.
âWhat the hell?â Starlight shouted.
âOh, I forgot.â Pinkie smiled sheepishly. âThere were around two thousand clones chasing me. More exactly, nineteen hundred and eighty-four. I guess if Harry and this kirin girl attacked them first, weâd last for about a minute before theyâd trample us andââ
Starlightâs sanity finally snapped. âSHUT UP, PINKIE, AND RUN!â
Twilight moved a pawn with her magic. Unlike many beginner players, she didnât have to say âcheckmateâ. Starswirl already knew the game was over. Besides, they were playing a variant of chess known as âHordeâ, where Starswirl started with a regular set of pieces and Twilight only had thirty-two pawns.
âIt seems that, even in chess itâs good to have many friends,â Starswirl muttered, looking at the pawns overrunning the board. âAlthough if I only got a queen behind their defencesâŠâ
âWe can try again.â Twilight looked at the calm surface of the sea. âI wonder how my friends are.â
Spike walked to them, carrying a tray with drinks. âWell, you can always write to them.â
Twilight nodded. âYeah, I should write to Starââ She paused when Spike suddenly choked, dropping the tray. He coughed, spitting out a scroll.
âIt seems that your friends had the same idea,â Starswirl muttered when Twilight levitated the scroll. âAlso, your slave owes me a bottle of twelve-year-old whisky.â
âHeâs not my slave!â Twilight exclaimed. âWe donât own slaves anymore!â
âIndentured servant, then.â Starswirl shrugged. âBack in my day, I bought a zebra slave from Flash Magnus for seven bits. I shouldâve paid five because he claimed that she had all her teeth, but it turned out some of them wereââ He stopped talking, realising that no one was listening to him.
âI need to go to Canterlot!â Twilight exclaimed.
âAh, this occasionally happened back in the day,â Starswirl said. âThe princess would call one of her servants to Canterlot and when such a pony came to the court, the executioner was already waiting for him with an axe. Did you commit high treason recently?â
âItâs not that.â Twilight showed Starswirl the parchment.
It was a rather peculiar letter. The first sentence was written in Rarityâs proportional hornwriting, but the rest of the parchment was covered in huge, uneven letters resembling ramshackle houses â most definitely Pinkie Pieâs deed.
Dear Twilight,
Due to a sudden attack of an army of Scootaloos, we, along with the whole population of Ponyville, were forced to leave the town and run to Canterlot. We are fine, except for Rainbow Dash who got captured and became a Scoota-god and Starlight, who felt a bit off her trolley and they had to put her in a room without doorknobs. We asked Celestia for help but she said this is a dangerous precedent or something like that and now a lot of ponies are discussing it in the war room and so on. So, long story short, we need your help. Right now.
Yours, Pinkie
PS: Rarity wanted to write this letter, but she has a migraine. Sheâs helping me with difficult words, though.
PPS: When we say âright nowâ, we really mean it!
Starswirl furrowed his eyebrows. âWhat does âoff her trolleyâ mean?â he asked. âFrom the context, Iâm guessing Pinkie may be off her trolley too.â
âYeah, thatâs exactly what it means,â Twilight muttered.
âBack in my day, weâd put her in the tower of fools,â Starswirl said. âA month in chains does wonders to oneâs mental condition.â
âMaybe.â Twilight sighed. âWeâll play again later. Now, I need to go to Canterlot. Spike!â
Spike sat on Twilightâs back and she took off, flying towards Canterlot. Spike waited until the beach and Starswirl were outside of earshot and said, âFinally somethingâs happening. I was sick of this old fart calling me a lizard.â
Twilight groaned. âHeâs one of the best casters of his generation! Also, donât forget that Ponyville is in danger.â
Spike rolled his eyes. âI still prefer that over him. Scootaloos? Please. How can that be so bad?â
The war room in Celestiaâs palace was rarely used, and the staff didnât clean it as often as they should. However, as soon as the maids realised itâd be needed, they quickly got rid of layers of dust and the remains of some hapless servant who had gotten lost in there â judging by the state of the skeleton, about five centuries ago.
Removing the tribe of really aggressive pixies who created a whole civilisation in the cabinet with old maps was, however, a different story. They were loud and, despite the constant drunkenness, they apparently invented wheel, literature, and miniature crossbows. Eventually, Celestia just teleported the whole cabinet to one of the unused rooms in the dungeon and the meeting finally started.
However, as Celestia soon discovered, the old saying was still true â putting the most gallant sailor, the most intrepid pegasus, and the most audacious soldier, as well as several other brightest minds in Equestria gave her the sum of all fears.
âWe could use our experimental depopulation bomb,â the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies said. She was a unicorn in a black robe, wearing a domino mask. Everything about the Department itself was classified and not even Celestia knew her name. âItâd permanently erase from existence everyone within a mile radius, but the buildings would stay intact. Citizens would be able to come back after a year.â
âHave you tested it before?â Moondancer asked. She was one of the civilian experts Celestia invited to share their views on the situation.
The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies blushed under her mask. âOnce. On a cage full of hamsters.â
âNice to know where my taxes go,â Moondancer muttered.
âAlso, we canât do that.â Spitfire looked at the map of Ponyville. âThe clones failed to capture the hospital and while the seriously sick patients were evacuated with an airship, the staff refused to abandon their post. Our reconnaissance flights revealed that theyâre patrolling the roof with shotguns from their Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kits. If we drop a depopulation bomb, theyâd be caught in a blast.â
âAcceptable losses,â The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies said.
Celestia furrowed her eyebrows. âI donât think we should erase those ponies from existence. Such an act of braveryâŠâ
Berry Punch knocked her hoof against a copper pipe and turned the tap. A few drops of a transparent liquid was all the distillery managed to produce.
âBad news, girls,â she said, turning to the two nurses lying on the floor. âIf you want more moonshine, you need to get me more potatoes.â
âThere should be some in the kitchen,â Nurse Redheart muttered groggily. âAlso, do we still have disinfectant?â
âYeah,â Nurse Sweetheart replied. Unlike Redheart, she seemed at least partially aware of her surroundings. âBut weâre keeping that for when the hangover strikes.â
âWhen Pinchy comes back, Iâll send her to the kitchen,â Berry said. âAlso, what do you think, when will they come to save us?â
âA week or so,â Sweetheart replied. âAssuming my stunt wonât kill all those little fuckers before.â
Berry raised her eyebrows. âWhat stunt?â
Nurse Redheart suddenly started to laugh. Due to her state, it resembled a pigâs cough. âI read the files.â She hiccuped. âScootaloo didnât have horsey hives yet.â
âSo?â Berry asked.
âRemember how I started to throw cushions at the clones when you and Pinchy were running for the door?â Sweetheart chuckled.
âNah, I was busy running for my life, you know,â Berry muttered.
âI took them from the ward,â Sweetheart said. âFoals with horsey hives spent a week wiping boogers in those cushions.â She smirked. âIn case this doesnât work, we still have A.K. Yearlingâs samples in the lab. You know, back when she collapsed during a meeting with fans and it turned out she hadâŠâ She scratched her mane and poked Redheart. âWhat did she have?â
âCholera and tuberculosis,â Redheart slurred. âOneâd think she travels like Daring Do instead of bathing in bits or some shit.â
âFunny you mention shit,â Sweetheart muttered. âBut if it comes to this, youâll get the samples. Youâre already disinfectedâŠâ
Moondancer looked at the map. Most of Ponyville was marked with orange flags, indicating places where Scootaloos were spotted. âDo we really have to get rid of them?â
âWhat do you mean?â Celestia asked.
âI did my research,â Moondancer said. âThey mustâve come from that ancient pool in the Everfree Forest. Meaning theyâre not tarnished by our civilisation.â She turned to Spitfire. âYou told us they started to build some structures on their own. It may be an interesting sociological experiment, watching what theyâll do.â
The door to the war room opened and Twilight walked in, taking a seat between Moondancer and the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies. âI just talked to a few evacuated ponies,â she said. âIâm afraid Mayor Mare wouldnât be happy about any sociological experiments.â
Moondancer fixed her glasses. âOf course, we can relocate the citizensââ
âCarrot Top said that if we tell them to move to Appleloosa, sheâll shove a carrot up ourââ Twilight blushed. ââ nostrils.â
âSo, what do you propose?â Celestia asked.
Twilight shrugged. âThe same thing as with Pinkie Pie,â she replied. âWeâll find the real Scootaloo and then send the rest back to theââ She paused, feeling the heavy gaze of Celestia and the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies.
âNot bad!â the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies exclaimed. âFinally someone whoâs not afraid to vaporise sapient creatures. Have you ever thought about working in my Department?â
Twilight blushed. âWell, I donât think itâs the time and placeâŠâ
âItâs not, indeed.â Celestia looked at the map. âI expect serious propositions now. What should we do about ten thousand Scootaloos rampaging across the town almost at the outskirts of Canterlot?â
âBlock the roads,â Spitfire said. âContinue the reconnaissance flights.â
Twilight looked at Celestia. âWe need to free Rainbow Dash. Then we can find some magical solution.â
âFind some empty plot of land, relocate the clones there and see what happens.â Moondancer looked into her notes. âThe data weâd gather about the formation of societies as we know todayâŠâ
The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies furrowed her eyebrows under the mask. âHave you read Lord of the Parasprites?Youâd know what such a situation may end like. I suggest donating the clones to our necromancy research program. Iâm pretty sure theyâd be useful.â
âBetter not,â Spitfire said. âWe already discovered traces of necromancy in PonyvilleâŠâ
âRainbow Dash is best pony!â Scootaloo 022 exclaimed, standing in the middle of the ruined corridor. She turned to Scootaloo 021 and looked at her unsurely.
âGo on,â Scootaloo 021 muttered, taking a bite of her sandwich. âYouâre doing very well.â
Scootaloo 022 took a few steps forward and suddenly stopped in front of a tall wall of jelly, blocking the whole corridor. Several eyeballs floated through the orange-ish substance and focused their gaze on her.
âGreat.â Scootaloo 021 smirked. âNow, try to touch it.â
âRainbow Dash is best pony?â Scootaloo 022 asked, taking a step back.
âIâm pretty sure thatâs a very friendly gelatinous cube,â Scootaloo 021 said. âIt totally didnât eat Fifty-Nine after she sprouted a pair of tentacles from her eyes. And didnât catch 111AXC and dissolve her body until there were only bones left. Youâll be fine.â
âRainbow Dash is best pony!â Scootaloo 022 exclaimed. She turned away from the cube, lifted her tail and marked the carpet as her territory. The eyes inside the jelly focused on a puddle for a second before floating away, deeper into the cube. The whole creature shuddered, trying to move away, to barely any effect â as the Scootaloos discovered before, it could only move a few metres a day.
Scootaloo 021 groaned with disappointment. She briefly considered pushing Twenty-Two into the cube, but then she heard somepony clear her throat. She turned back and saw Fifty-Three.
âHaving fun?â Scootaloo 053 asked.
âWe made an interesting discovery,â Twenty-One said with a sheepish grin. âPiss scares it.â
âGreat.â Fifty-Three deadpanned. âWeâll all take a leak here and drown this thing. And you too, if you donât stop trying to get Twenty-Two killed. Even if you succeed, we cloned her. Remember?â
âIt was a mistake,â Scootaloo 021 muttered.
âYour second name is âmistakeâ,â Fifty-Three said. âIn five minutes, I want to see you in the palace. We need to discuss a few things.â
Four minutes later, Scootaloo 021 was sitting on her throne. When exploring the palace, they found a room with seven of them, standing around the table. Fifty-Three immediately took the one with Rainbow Dashâs cutie mark on it, so Twenty-Two had to settle on the one with apples.
On Twenty-Twoâs left, there was Dee-Dee. She had a broken nose, but survived the attack on Ponyville without other problems. As soon as she saw gems on the throne, she claimed it as hers.
Next to her, the throne with balloons was taken by Silver Spoon 2.0. While Silver never got any clone herself, Scootaloos still dropped her into the pool (from a considerable height), just to get an advisor.
Hundred-and-Fifty took the throne with butterflies, while the two seats on Fifty-Threeâs left were occupied by one Apple Bloom clone and the sole remaining Sweetie Belle copy. Initially, there were six of them, but when the battle started, they got too excited with their newly-discovered magic skills and most of them perished in fires.
âOkay,â Fifty-Three muttered. âFor starters, Iâd like to ask about those pegasi flying above usâŠâ
âWeâre working on a solution,â Apple Bloomâs clone replied. âWeâll be done by tomorrow.â
âGood,â Fifty-Three said. âWhat about the housing?â
âStill not enough.â Silver Spoonâs clone shrugged. âThis town is too small for so many ponies. Our food supplies may also run out.â She shot Twenty-One a glare. âSomeone even ate the leg of one of the fried Sweetie Belles.â
âUghâŠâ Fifty-Three looked at Twenty-One and sighed. âSomething else?â
âSome of the clones got a rash and high fever.â Silver Spoon produced a book. âI spent a night reading about diseases and it seems to be horsey hives. We need to do something before it spreads.â
âLike what?â Hundred-and-Fifty asked.
âI sent a few Scootaloos to raid the pharmacy,â Silverâs clone said. âAnd we have to isolate the sick ones.â
âIso-what?â Scootaloo 053 asked.
âWeâll put them on the farm until they get better,â Silver replied.
âAlright, letâs do that.â Fifty-Three leaned to Hundred-and-Fifty. âRemind me to replace her with another Silver clone before she gets too smart,â she whispered.
âIâll think of that.â Scootaloo 150 nodded and looked at the rest of the council. âAnything else?â
âPrisoners keep trying to riot,â Dee-Dee said. âThe dungeon of this castle is unsuitable for our needs. Diamond Tiara bites anyone who tries to get into her cell and Iâm pretty sure Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon are plotting something.â
âTheyâre in separate cells,â Scootaloo 021 muttered.
âYes, but theyâre knocking at the wall suspiciously,â Dee-Dee replied.
âAhâll take care of that,â Apple Bloomâs clone said quickly. âMaybe weâll relocate some of them to another building.â
âAs soon as youâre done with those pesky pegasi,â Scootaloo 053 said. âDo you need more Apple Blooms for that?â
âNo, fifty is enough.â
âOkay,â Fifty-Three said. âIs that everything? Yes? Meeting ad⊠Ad...â She furrowed her eyebrows.
âAdjourned,â Silver Spoonâs clone said.
âWhat I said.â Fifty-Three shot Silverâs clone a glare and stood up. âLetâs go to Rainbow Dash.â
The Scootaloos left the throne room and walked to another room. There were more clones there, surrounding a red fainting couch, stolen from Carousel Boutique. Rainbow Dash reclined on it, eyes half-closed, while one of the clones was feeding her grapes. Another one waved a large rigid fan above her head.
Scootaloo 053 bowed before Rainbow Dash. âWelcome, oh great Rainbow Dash!â she exclaimed. âWill you share any new trivia with us?â
Rainbow Dash opened one eye. âBring me more cider and Iâll tell you a story of how I stopped the White Walkers,â she said.
Fifty-Three made the best puppy eyes she could muster. âNot even a little trivia?â
âAfter eating a lot of cheese, I get a really bad gas,â Rainbow Dash replied. âWill you let me sleep?â
âMaybe some advice?â Scootaloo 021 asked.
Rainbow Dash looked at her. âEat less, or youâll turn into a Scootaball.â
Twenty-One bowed. âI shall do that, oh great Rainbow Dash!â
âFinally,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âWake me up when you have cider.â
When the Scootaloos went off to bow to Rainbow Dash, Apple Bloomâs clone stood up. âAhâm goinâ to visit the prisoners.â
Apple Bloomâs clone rolled her eyes. âIf ya hadnât noticed, thereâs fifty of us. Itâs not always me. Also, Ahâm tryinâ to figure out if theyâre worth cloninâ.â
âThey are not,â Dee-Dee replied. âBesides the ones weâve already cloned, most of them are totally worthless.â
âMost of âem,â Apple Bloom muttered. âAhâm gonna find the minority, then.â She walked out of the throne room and trotted downstairs. She noticed a few Scootaloos guarding the chambers, with an occasional Apple Bloom rushing somewhere with a set of tools or some reclaimed wood.
The castle dungeon was filled with cages; most of them were taken out of the barns and inhabited by whoever didnât manage to run out of Ponyville in time. Apple Bloomâs clone spotted Toola Roola scratching obscene words in crystal walls, much to the displeasure of Coconut Cream, who was sitting in the cage next to her. Behind them, Chip Cutter reached his hoof to Apple Bloom.
âI figured it out,â he said. âIf you let me out, Iâll make a giant statue of Rainbow Dash!â
âInterestinâ,â Apple Bloomâs clone said. âI guess Fifty-Three will grant ya the right to be cloned.â
âBut I want to make it myself!â Chip Cutter exclaimed. âI donât want to be cloned. You let Babs out so sheâd give you different manecuts!â
âYes, but her clones were⊠unstable,â Apple Bloomâs clone replied. âScootaloo 011 wanted a manecut from one and now sheâs wearing an eyepatch. Shoulda said somethinâ else than âAh donât wanna look like the othersâ...â
Chip Cutter winced. âWhat did you do to Babsâ clones?â
âNothinâ. They had a tendency to run with scissors.â Apple Bloom walked further into the dungeon, passing by more cages.
âThe horror! The horror!â
âThe Great and Powerful Trixie demands you to shut up!â
âI am afraid that your friend Daisy had finally gone completely crazy.â
âOh, the horror!â
âZecora.â Apple Bloomâs clone stopped by one of the cages. âAh guess weâll need ya soon. Some clones caught horsey hives.â
âIâd rather not be taken to the pool,â Zecora said. âMy clones may become a bunch of fools.â
âMore zebras?â Lily Valley dropped on the floor of her cage. âOh, the horror!â
âWhat?â Apple Bloom furrowed her eyebrows.
âOh, I have no problem with such a thing,â Zecora deadpanned. âThey react like that to everything.â
Apple Bloom nodded. She walked to another cage and looked inside, finding Silver Spoon sitting on the floor and staring blankly at the wall.
âPsst,â Apple Bloom whispered. âItâs me, Apple Bloom.â
âWhich clone?â Silver asked, barely raising her head. âI donât want to be cloned again!â
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. âAhâm the real one. It was easy to hide among âem once they cloned fifty of us.â
âImpossible,â Silver muttered. âThis must be a provocation. You are a clone, admit it!â She trembled. âAnd if you arenât, prove it.â
âDurinâ the first slumber party we had when we became friends, ya brought a bottle of beer ya stole from yer dad,â Apple Bloom said. âYa drank two sips, tried to make out with Sweetie, started cryinâ, and fell asleep while snorinâ loudly.â She shrugged. âThen ya wet the bed and tried to blame Scootaloo.â
âYou couldâve heard that from anyone!â
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. âShould Ah remind ya what exactly ya said about Scootalooâsââ
âOkay, I believe you,â Silver Spoon said. âBut why are you cooperating with those barbarians instead of helping us?â
âAhâm tryinâ to help yâall,â Apple Bloom replied. âAh want to destroy âem from the inside.â
âOh no,â Silver Spoonâs eyes widened.
âWhat?â
âI just remembered how we tried to teach you to play chess,â Silver Spoon replied. âAnd your tremendous ability to plan ahead.â
âDonât worry, Ah got this!â Apple Bloom exclaimed and leaned closer to Silver. âFirst, Ah need to get Sweetie out and replace her clone with herââ
âI knew it.â
Apple Bloom froze. She turned back slowly to see Dee-Dee standing behind her and furrowing her eyebrows.
âYouâre not a clone,â Dee-Dee said, smirking. âYouâre a real one.â
Silver Spoon looked at Dee-Dee, then at Apple Bloom. Then she looked at Dee-Dee again and noted that the mirror pool was pretty good at copying Diamond Tiaraâs physical features. Which meant a fight with Apple Bloom would be a short one. âDid you tell anyone else?â Silver asked.
âOh, please.â Dee-Dee laughed. âYou think Iâm stupid. Whyâd I tell those morons about you when we can join our forces and replace them with a far superior individual⊠Someone who deserves to be cloned more than this pathetic poultry...â
âKill her,â Silver Spoon whispered to Apple Bloom. âOr else weâll wake up in the world full of Diamond TiarasâŠâ
âWe should give it a try,â Apple Bloom said.
Silver Spoon smacked her forehead with her hoof. âWhy are we doing this to me?â
âBecause Iâm better than you,â Dee-Dee said. âI already know that Twist needs rubber bands for her death ray, that you want to swap Sweetie for her clone, and that Babs wants to stab Fifty-Three with scissors. Not to mention the idea to whack me with a crowbar and replace me with the real Diamond Tiara. How would she even pretend to be me?â
Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. âShe looks the same. And Scootaloos arenât very bright.â
âThat wouldnât work,â Dee-Dee said. âSheâd reveal herself, sooner or later. But me? We live in a huge library and those morons think bookshelves are there just for show. I read half of the books in a week. Starswirl the Beardedâs books on magic. Flash Magnusâ war memoirs. Adenoid Hooflerâs diary. All the Daring Do booksâŠâ
âIâm still smarter than you,â Silver Spoon spat. âGet in that cage and Iâll show youâŠâ
âWell, itâs you who sits in the cage,â Dee-Dee said. âWorry not, soon weâll free you and your friends.â She walked to Apple Bloom and wrapped her hoof around her. âAnd now, excuse me, we need to start Operation HavocâŠâ
The meeting in Celestiaâs war room hadnât started yet. The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies was getting late, apparently due to an important conference about the new DIY field necromancy kits. Celestia herself had to attend the lunch with some nobles. Spitfire was also missing, still not back from a reconnaissance flight. At least Starlight had joined the ponies at the table, after taking some well-deserved rest in Princess Lunaâs Clinic for Mentally Unstable Unicorns.
âAt this point, they should be developing religion,â Moondancer said. âTheyâre completely isolated from the outside world, with royal guards blocking all the roads to Ponyville, right?â
âRemember that they have books,â Twilight replied. âI hope they didnât burn down my library. Last photos showed a lot of activity around the castle, right?â
âStill, with hardly any outside influenceâŠâ Moondancer shrugged. âMaybe they sacrificed the clones to the gelatinous cube.â
âWe agreed not to talk about the gelatinous cube,â Starlight muttered. âAlso, if theyâre anything like the original Scootaloo, their religion involves running ponies over with scooters.â
âInteresting.â Moondancer levitated a notebook. âDo you think they reached the stage of phallic symbols?â
The door to the war room burst, open and Spitfire walked in. Her uniform was torn and ragged, with visible burn marks. Half of her face was covered with bandaids; her wings and legs were bandaged too, with bits of missing fur peeking from under them.
âDo you have the photos?â Moondancer asked. âDid they start a cult?â
âTake off your glasses,â Spitfire muttered.
âWhy?â
âBecause I need to break someoneâs nose and itâd be awkward to beat a mare with glasses,â Spitfire replied. âAlso, whereâs that moron in the black mask? We need a depopulation bomb to level the whole place.â
Spitfire looked at Twilight and raised her eyebrows. âWe had a nice dinner and they gave me cupcakes.â She sighed. âIsnât it obvious that we got attacked by those little motherfuckers?â
âI was just going to mention that you donât look very well,â Starlight said. âDid they find a way to redirect that curse which somehow happens to still be looming in the ruins of the School of Friendship? Funny thing, no one knows how it got thereâŠâ
âNah, it wasnât a curse,â Spitfire muttered. âAs far as I know, it was conventional warfare.â
The sky above Ponyville was clear. One of the variants of hypothetical attack on the town involved flooding it with rain, but for now, Spitfire and Fleetfoot needed good visibility.
âLots of Apple Blooms near the city square.â Fleetfoot took a photo. âAlso, it seems like this colt is making some kind of statue.â
âHe has at least two clones,â Spitfire said, adjusting her binoculars. âTake a photo for the eggheads. When Moondancer hears it might be a start of a new religion, she may need to use one of her phallic symbols herself.â
Fleetfoot shrugged. âI donât need any fancy science to know they made Crash their god. After all, why didnât she kick their asses and fly away at the speed of sound?â
Spitfire chuckled. âWe can come down there. If sheâs their god, we may become a part of the pantheon.â She looked down. âHmm, what are those Apple Blooms building down there? Looks like a giant firework launcher.â
Fleetfoot froze. âDear Celestia,â she muttered.
Spitfire grabbed the binoculars. âThereâs more.â
âNo...â Fleetfoot turned back and flapped her wings.
âHey, weâve been over this.â Spitfire grabbed Fleetfootâs tail. âFireworks are ultimately harmless. I didnât spend half of our medical budget for hypnosis so youâd run away at the slightest hint ofââ
Suddenly, a firework whistled past them and exploded, sending them both tumbling in random directions.
âNOT THIS AGAIN!â Fleetfoot exclaimed, diving to the ground.
Spitfire sighed, seeing that her wingpony was, for some reason, flying towards the danger rather than away from it. âAw, shit,â she muttered, following her. âFleetfoot! Come to me, you idiot!â
More fireworks exploded around her. She spun, covering her ears and trying not to get separated from Fleetfoot. At least, as far as she could tell, the projectiles werenât filled with any kind of shrapnel, though she could still feel the sparks burning holes in her uniform.
âFleetfoot! Watch out!â Spitfire exclaimed, darting in front of the fellow Wonderbolt and catching a firework that was about to hit her. âNow I got you, little scumbagsâŠâ she muttered, trying to direct the small rocket towards the ground.
Suddenly, Spitfire realised that the fireworkâs thrust was much stronger than her wings, pushing her higher and away from Fleetfoot. What was worse, several more projectiles were now flying at her, guided by magic from a single Sweetie Belle clone, running between the launchers.
Spitfire looked around and released the firework from her grasp. It started to sputter smoke; the thick paper tube making its body inflated a little.
âOh, fudge,â Spitfire whispered just before the firework exploded, sending her towards the ground. Before she passed out, she caught a glimpse of Fleetfoot dodging a firework and hitting the roof of some house at a full speed. Then Spitfire herself hit some branch and fell to the ground.
She woke up some time later, with the feeling like a free jazz band deciding that her skull would make a great rehearsal hall. Groaning, Spitfire reached to her backpack. It was half-burned and got somewhat crushed when she landed on it, but its contents were intact.
Spitfire grabbed a small can labelled as âRegeneration Potionâ. It was issued by the Department of Wartime Technologies and its colourful label promised improved chocolate flavour, as well as kidney failure and rectal bleeding almost completely eliminated from the list of side effects.
Taking a sip, Spitfire thought that someone in the Department of Wartime Technologies had no idea about the taste of chocolate. At least the pain in her tailbone and wings dulled, allowing her to get up and try to take off.
When she managed to fly above the trees, she noticed that most of Ponyvilleâs main square was covered in thick smoke. Spitfire didnât see Fleetfoot; she was afraid to get closer, even though she could see that someone had knocked Sweetie Belleâs clone out, and that most of the Scootaloos were frantically putting out fires caused by stray fireworks. Spitfire made another circle around the town, but the pain in her ribs was telling her it was time to find a field hospital; she didnât want to risk another shady potion.
Groaning and cursing under her breath, she flapped her wings, heading to Canterlot.
As Spitfire finished her story, the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies joined the meeting. She still had her mask on, but instead of a robe, she wore a dirt-covered tracksuit and levitated a small shovel with silver-covered blade.
âWe shortened the handles by an inch,â she said. âOur research showed that it makes it easier to carry, without hitting it against the gravestones.â
âWhen I die, I want to be thrown into the ocean,â Spitfire muttered. âDo you have something to give all those clones a really bad time?â
The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies levitated a piece of paper from the pocket of her tracksuit. âA weaponised party barge. A cannon on top, a pie launcher in the front, tracks instead of wheels, a genetically-modified bat using echolocation to find the enemyâŠâ
âIâll take three,â Spitfire said. âEspecially since we now have to drag Fleetfootâs ass out of this hell.â
âDonât call this âhellâ,â Moondancer replied. âItâs an interesting situation. Itâs not like theyâre digging a hole to Tartarus.â
Spitfire sighed. âIâm sorry,â she muttered and threw a punch at Moondancer. It missed the mark by a wide margin; the cast on Spitfireâs hoof limited her movement. A split second later, Spitfire landed on the table, hit by three spells. She rolled on it, crushing the orange flags, and lay motionless, breathing heavily.
âHuh.â The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies emerged from under the table. She poked Spitfire a few times with a shovel. âWhat did you use?â
âCalming spell,â Twilight replied. âAfter all, sheâs generally right. The clones drove ponies out of their homes and kidnapped two Wonderbolts.â
âI just tried to change her into a polecat, but Twilightâs spell collided with mine and I just gave her a bloody nose,â Moondancer said. âBut it looks like something bigger. What did you do to her, Starlight?â
âThe Torment of Tantabus.â Starlight smiled sheepishly. âIâve read itâs a great spell for personal defence and it was the first one I thought of.â
âYou trapped her mind in a multi-layered chain of endless nightmares and eldritch horrors,â Moondancer said. âThatâs not something you see often.â
The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies looked at Starlight and nodded. âDid I mention that weâre hiring?â
âNo!â Twilight exclaimed, charging her horn and aiming at the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies. âMeeting adjourned until we get Spitfire out of her nightmares!â
Just as Spitfire landed on the table in Celestiaâs war room, Fleetfoot woke up from her own nightmares, full of fireworks exploding around her. She thrashed, trying to dodge them, and suddenly found herself in some cage. The lights were dim, but she could hear someone next to her.
âBig Mac?â she muttered.
âWhy does everypony want to talk to mah brother?â Apple Bloom asked. âGet up. Ya are a Wonderbolt, arenât ya?â
âIâm a Wonderbolt who is currently half-deaf, half-blind, and half-dead,â Fleetfoot replied, groaning.
âThatâs a lot of halves.â Scootaloo looked at Fleetfoot, who screamed, seeing her.
âDonât worry, itâs the real one,â Sweetie said. âAnd, for the record, so am I.â She rolled her eyes when Fleetfoot desperately tried to hide in the corner of the cage.
âWhat are you doing here?â Fleetfoot suddenly noticed that the cage was standing at the bottom of some ditch and that her wings were chained together, preventing her from flying away. âAre they going to bury us alive?â
âNo, itâs the clonesâ new idea,â Apple Bloom replied. âThey heard the story of Cozy Glow, got all them wrong ideas âbout it, and now we have to dig a hole to TartarusâŠâ
âSounds neat,â Fleetfoot said. âAt least when we all get killed by unimaginable monsters, I wonât have to deal with all those motherfucking clones in thisââ She paused, realising that she was talking to fillies.
Sweetie tilted her head. âWhat does âmotherfuckingâ mean?â
âWe have to ask Button,â Scootaloo said. âTwist keeps calling him that.â
Fleetfoot looked around. âSpeaking of, I still feel itâs digging our own graves with a twistâŠâ
They heard some screaming in the distance, interrupted by the sound of someone getting kicked. A filly with red, curly hair rolled to the bottom of the ditch, skidding to a halt next to the cage.
âHello, Twist,â Apple Bloom said. âWhatâs up?â
âYou know that one Scootaloo with an eyepatch?â Twist asked. âI managed to put a peppermint stick in her eye socket before the rest threw me here.â
More screaming followed, and soon, Button Mash landed in the ditch. âThey got angry,â he muttered. âOur plan for today just got raised to twenty metres.â
âJust great,â Apple Bloom said. âBut no worries, Dee-Dee has it covered.â
Fleetfoot didnât know who Dee-Dee was, and was a bit surprised when more ponies soon joined them, led by the proud Diamond Tiaraâs clone. Actual Diamond Tiara was with her, dragging a sled with shovels and other tools. Dee-Dee climbed on the sled and looked at the crowd.
âWelcome,â she said. âI hope you like our new project. Once the Scootaloos go away, weâll start digging.â
âThe horror!â one of the mares in the crowd shouted.
âThe Great and Powerful Trixie actually has some experience in physical labour. You should make her the foreman.â
âShut up!â Dee-Dee exclaimed. âI think most of you arenât familiar with the details of this operationâŠâ She pulled the fabric, covering the sled, revealing Silver Spoon hidden among the shovels and pickaxes. âNow that all of you are gathered in this ditch, they donât expect you to try to escape. After all, Apple Blooms are supposed to guard you, despite being no wiser than the originalâŠâ
âHey!â Apple Bloom exclaimed.
âSo, once they give us all the tools, weâre set.â Dee-Dee smirked in the most unpleasant way.
Indeed, the fifty Apple Blooms soon joined them with more sleds. Everypony was given a shovel and they started digging. Fleetfoot too, despite the pounding headache, was placed between the three mares, one of which fainted and the other kept muttering âthe horrorâ over and over.
âFleetfoot,â the pegasus said to the only mare who looked sane. âDoes that filly think we can get out of here?â
âRoseluck,â the mare replied. âWell, if we chase them off with pickhandles and shovelsâŠâ
âMaybe me.â Fleetfoot shrugged. âWhen I was in the army, I was trained to kill someone with a shovel in thirty different ways, some of them pretty gruesome. But Iâd say weâre at a tactical disadvantage.â
âTactical what?â Roseluck asked.
âWeâre at the bottom of the ditch, next to a pile of earth,â Fleetfoot replied. âIf someone hears us dealing with Apple Blooms, they may just drop it on our heads.â She shuddered. âOr bring the fireworks again, making us sitting ducks. Also, how many of you would beat up a filly?â
âNot me,â Roseluck replied and pointed behind her. âMaybe Derpy.â
Fleetfoot turned back and saw a pegasus mare breaking a rock with a pickaxe. There was a unicorn filly next to her, poking the ground with a shovel.
âOf all the timelines Iâve seen, this must be the worst,â the filly muttered to herself. âWhat are we even doing here instead of sitting in Trottingham with Doc and the rest?â
âWe need to find Chirpy and get her out of here,â Derpy replied.
âJust yesterday she wasnât even my sister.â Dinky sighed. âAnd now we got caught because of her. When I meet her, Iâm gonna stick her broken quill up herââ
âDonât worry,â Derpy said. âIf weâre not back in a week, Vinyl and Octavia will come to rescue us.â
âThatâs not good news at all!â
âDerpy? Is that you?â Fleetfoot asked.
The pegasus turned to her. âFleetfoot? Long time no see! We havenât talked since my last Cloudsdale Derby, I think.â
âWell, you may not remember, but I visited you at the hospital.â Fleetfoot shuddered and looked at at the filly. âYour daughter?â
âLong story,â Derpy replied. âDinky, say hello to Fleetfoot. We need to catch up sometime, after itâs over. Like, you are a Wonderbolt and all thatââ She was interrupted by one of Apple Bloomâs clones, poking her.
âLess talking, more digging,â the clone said.
Derpy furrowed her eyebrows and grabbed the handle of her pickaxe. Then, in one swift motion, she smacked the clone, sending her flying across the ditch.
âHome run, Mom!â Dinky exclaimed, hitting the nearby clone with a shovel.
Seeing one of their kind bouncing off the ground, the remaining Apple Blooms stood in formation and charged at the other ponies. Fleetfoot looked around, trying to put the others in something resembling a line, but with no success; Roseluck hid behind her while Daisy passed out again.
âCome on!â Twist screamed, leading the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Silver Spoon, and both Diamond Tiaras. âThis is for ditching me!â she exclaimed, punching the nearest Apple Bloom. âThis is for leaving me and finding new friends!â
âAhâd rather stay away from her,â the real Apple Bloom muttered.
The screams and other noises attracted the Scootaloos hanging out near the ditch. They rushed to the edge, some of them accidentally knocking other clones down into the pit.
âGo up!â Fleetfoot exclaimed, grabbing a Scootaloo and Apple Bloom with her hooves and knocking their heads together. âSomeone untie my wings!â
Dinky hit the magic inhibitor on her horn with a shovel a few times, freeing it. She charged her magic, breaking Fleetfootâs and Derpyâs bonds.
âOut of this ditch!â Fleetfoot screamed, using her wing to grab another Apple Bloom and toss her at the others like a bowling ball. Suddenly, she felt something heavy hitting her temple. Staggering, she looked up and saw that the Scootaloos started to pelt them with rocks and bits of mud. What was worse, Fleetfoot noticed the Sweetie Belleâs clone standing in front of the pile of earth and charged her horn, trying to levitate it.
âMotherfuââ Fleetfoot got hit with a rock and collapsed, immediately drowning in the charging crowd of Scootaloos.
The weaponised party barge tore through the bushes at Ponyvilleâs outskirts. The pie launcher was primed and ready; Pinkie Pie opened the hatch, watching the perimeter. âClear,â she reported, and put on headphones. âTwilight, howâs it looking out there?â
âSomethingâs happening in the town.â Twilightâs voice sounded clear in the radio. She was flying above the party barge and the detachment of Royal Guards following it. A few pegasi, including the Wonderbolts, were flying with her, ready to give the army aerial support.
âWe need to hurry,â Rarity said. She was sitting on the top of the party barge along with the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies. Both were wearing new camo uniforms, although Rarity adorned hers with gems, much to her companionâs dismay. âThose ruffians may be preparing us a warm welcome.â
âI donât see anything,â said the blue pegasus Royal Guard called Guardian Angel. She was one of the first guardsmares and although sheâd spent most of her career chasing filly guides away from the richer districts of Canterlot, sheâd recently took part in arresting Cozy Glow, which definitely made her qualified for the job. âWaitâŠâ
âWhat is this?â Twilight asked.
âA Scootalooââ Guardian Angel furrowed her eyebrows and took Pinkieâs radio from her. âA Scootaloo is walking towards us with a white flag. Maybe she wants to talk.â
âI can shoot a bit of armour-piercing cheesecake at her,â Pinkie said. âSo she knows weâre serious.â
âYou canât,â Rarity replied. âWhite flag and all that.â
âNot even incendiary muffins?â Pinkie asked. âYouâre no fun.â
âDonât shoot at me!â one of the Scootaloos exclaimed, standing in front of the party barge. Then, in a flash of magic, she turned into Sclerite. âNicht schieĂen. Je me rends! Nye stryelay, u menya vodka i ya znayu gde bordel! I am but a lowly changeling hiding among those clones.â
It was common knowledge that once away from the swarm and out of disguise, changelings were vulnerable to attacks. Thus, many of them learned to beg for mercy in at least fifty languages.
âWhat are you doing here?â Rarity asked.
âTelling you to hurry up,â Sclerite replied. âThe slaves started a fight against the Scootaloos, but theyâre outnumbered. Pterostigma went to the hospital to tell them about it, so the nurses may join them soon.â
âAlright,â Guardian Angel said. âThe crew of the barge, hide inside. Guards, keep formation. We need to bypass their defences.â
âApplejack, full steam ahead!â Pinkie exclaimed. She closed the hatch and the party barge rushed forward, tearing through the grass and shrubbery. The guards followed it; some of them looked at the sky, where the pegasi had already reached the city limits.
Several fireworks flew towards them. Twilight caught one with her magic and threw it back, carefully aiming away from the clones. This, unfortunately, meant that she chipped away a large part of the roof of the School of Friendship, freeing some strange, deformed creatures.
Rarity opened the hatch on the top of the party barge and looked around. The field in front of them was orange â clones were standing there, awaiting the attack. Rarity shuddered, realising that they outnumbered the army of guards.
âPinkie!â she shouted. âLoad the chocolate shrapnel.â
The pie launcher roared. Rarity grabbed her binoculars and saw that some Scootaloos ended up knocked down by the chocolate muffins. One of them managed to catch her muffin with her mouth and then carefully collect the remaining projectiles to eat them.
Twilightâs spell exploded nearby. The party barge drifted sideways, its pie launcher spewing sabot carrot cakes, chocolate shells, explosive cookies, and depleted uranium brownies. Still, Scootaloos rushed to it, climbing on the top deck.
The Head of The Department of Wartime Technologies got out of the barge, facing the clones. She first produced her pistol, but when it failed due to its barrel being blocked with whipped cream, she produced her rapier and swung it around, keeping the Scootaloos at a distance.
âStand and deliver!â she exclaimed. âOr Tirek may take you!â
Then, one of the flying clones unceremoniously dropped a jar of whiskey on her head, knocking her out.
Starlight poked her head from the rear gunnerâs seat and sniffed the puddle. âHey, thatâs whisky from my liquor cabinet!â she shouted at one of the clones, who just stole the Head of The Department of Wartime Technologiesâ wallet. âWhere did you get it?â
Nopony replied. More clones climbed on the barge, banging their hooves against the armour.
Starlight sighed and charged her horn. âWhy am I even askingâŠâ
Apple Bloom looked around and realised that the situation had spiralled out of control. Fleetfoot was unconscious and overwhelmed by a swarm of clones. Apple Bloom herself was surrounded, along with Diamond Tiara, Dee-Dee, Silver Spoon, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. Only a few more ponies were still fighting. Apple Bloom could see the clones flying towards the place where Derpy and Dinky were, only to get blasted away with Dinkyâs spells.
âI knew it was a bad idea to trust her!â Silver Spoon exclaimed, shooting Dee-Dee a glare.
âWeâd win if it werenât for you all!â Dee-Dee replied and pointed at Twist and Button. âLetâs join them! We need to get out of this ditch!â
âOh, horseapplesâŠâ Apple Bloom muttered, looking up.
Sweetie Belleâs clone was standing in the flash of green light, her eyes closed. Her horn was sending sparks around, as she slowly levitated a pile of earth a few inches above the ground.
Scootaloo turned to the real Sweetie Belle. âIs that even possible?â
âHow would I know?â Sweetie shrugged. âI guess sheâll drop it on her head when she tries to move itâŠâ
The cloneâs magic flashed and the pile started to slowly move towards the ditch. Lightning shot out of her horn, smaller sparks snapping on her fur.
âBordel de merde,â Sweetie muttered one of the curses sheâd accidentally learned from Rarity.
âSheâs gonna bury us all alive!â Diamond Tiara exclaimed. âI donât want to be buried alive next to Apple Bloom!â
âHow about you get buried next to me?â Silver asked, punching one of the clones that was about to catch Diamond.
âI can get behind that.â Diamond turned back and kicked another clone with her hind legs.
âSomeone needs to get me there.â Sweetie looked at her clone.
âNot me,â Scootaloo said. âUnlike my clones, I canât really fly.â
âIf they could learn, you can too,â Sweetie said. âCome on! Iâll help you get off the ground.â
She sat on Scootalooâs back and levitated her, trying to make her as light as possible. Scootaloo flapped her wings and, to her surprise, she took off, flying above the heads of the surprised clones.
âCome on!â Sweetie exclaimed, focusing on the magic flowing through her horn. She noticed that several clones chased them, including one with black strips in her mane â Scootaloo 150.
âI canât do this for much longerâŠâ Scootaloo panted, trying to fly above the ditch.
âOf course!â Scootaloo 150 chuckled. âAfter all, weâre superior!â
Scootaloo furrowed her eyebrows. âIâm gonna rip your tail off and feed it to you!â She flapped her wings harder, charging at the clone.
Suddenly, Scootaloo felt that Sweetie cancelled her magic. As gravity came back to normal she got much heavier and realised that they were about to crash.
âWhat are youââ Scootaloo paused when Sweetie jumped off her back, grabbing Hundred-and-Fiftyâs neck. The clone thrashed when Sweetie climbed on her back, twisting the piercing-adorned ear with her magic.
âNow youâll fly me to her,â Sweetie muttered.
âWhat if I donât?â
âDonât worry, Iâll give you a push!â Scootaloo somersaulted in mid-air and kicked her clone in the ass, propelling her and Sweetie towards the floating pile of earth. This was, however, the end of Scootalooâs strength; her wings gave up and she fell into the crowd.
As soon as they were on the surface, Sweetie jumped off Hundred-and-Fiftyâs back and zapped her with her magic, just in case. Then, she ran towards her clone, levitating some stick lying on the ground.
The sky darkened. Sweetie realised that the pile of earth was right above her head and that soon her copy would drop it into the ditch. Said copy being right in front of her. Her eyes were now open, glowing with pure energy.
âThere can be only one!â Sweetie yelled, throwing the stick at the cloneâs horn.
The resulting explosion blinded her for a moment, just before the pile of earth fell right on her head. Instinctively, she conjured a protective bubble, rushing to the surface as mud bounced off of her magic. Flashes and lightning erupted around her, a terrible roar filling her ears.
And then, everything suddenly ended. Sweetie found herself standing on the top of the pile, clear skies above her. She looked around, realising that everyone stopped fighting.
âUhhâŠâ Sweetie blushed, realising that everyone was looking at her. âI, umm⊠I have become, likeâŠâ
The ground beneath her hooves moved and her clone dug herself out. Her fur was dirty, with missing patches. Smoke was coming out of her ears and she could only take a few staggering steps towards Sweetie before she had to catch a breath.
âMs. Belle, I donât feel so good,â she said. Her hooves trembled and she suddenly turned into a cloud of dust, slowly dissipating in the breeze.
Sweetieâs jaw dropped. âDid I do that?â
âI did.â Another pony emerged from the dust. He had a blue hat with bells, a robe, and a long, white beard. âEnough of this nonsense.â He closed his eyes and charged his horn, unleashing a huge, white flame above Ponyville.
Several Scootaloos looked at each other, their eyes widening. Then, they started disappearing, one by one.
âStarswirl? What did you do to them?â Sweetie shuddered.
âDonât worry, theyâll be fine,â Starswirl replied. âYour friends too.â
Next to them, Scootaloo 150 stood up and looked at her hooves. She furrowed her eyebrows and then, just like that, she was gone.
At the bottom of the ditch, ponies stood up, realising that the attacking clones just evaporated. Diamond Tiara was the first to let out a loud cheer.
âI knew a superior one would win!â she exclaimed.
Silver Spoon looked at her. âYou⊠Youâre Dee-Dee, arenât you?â
Diamond Tiara smirked. âDonât worry, no one will see the difference,â she whispered.
âOh no,â Silver muttered. âApple Bloom? At least you are you, right?â
âYeah,â Apple Bloom replied. âScootaloo seems fine too. Are ya okay, Scoots?â
Scootaloo sat on the ground and rubbed her temples before looking at her friends, her lips forming a playful smile. âRainbow Dash is best pony,â she said.
Rainbow Dash furrowed her eyebrows and threw the dice. She smirked, pushing the top hat-shaped piece along the board. âOkay,â she said. âSo, Iâm buying Hoofington and now I can build hotels.â
âAww, damn,â Scootaloo 053 muttered. âAnd thatâs just when I ran out of cash.â
âTime to sell Ponyville to me,â Rainbow Dash said. âYou can also give me the real town, you know.â She looked at the paper bits in the bank. âGuess we can give you some creditâŠâ
Fifty-Three took a long sigh. âWell, itâs not like itâs a very big town. And I think the prisoners are rebelling again.â
âBread and circuses, as Twilight would say,â Rainbow Dash said. âFleetfoot is here, so we could race from time to time. Or you could organise fights in that pit you dug. Winner gets freedom and stuff. Orââ She paused, realised that Fifty-Three disappeared. Literally â she didnât go to another room, she just vanished into thin air.
âGreat,â Rainbow Dash muttered. âJust when I found someone I could win against.â She shrugged. âCan someone bring me more cider?â Her words echoed across the empty corridors. âAnyone?â
She walked to another room, but all she found was Rumble, lying on a large bed and staring at the wall. âI had the strangest dreamâŠâ he muttered.
Starlight opened her eyes. Her head was throbbing with pain and she could smell the scorched hair; a telltale sign of overexerting her horn to the point she accidentally lit her mane on fire.
âHello,â said the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies. She was sitting on a hospital bed next to Starlightâs, her head bandaged. âYouâre finally awake. The nurses say itâs the longest time you spent here unconscious. They seem to know you well.â
âIâm a frequent flyer,â Starlight replied. âWhat did I do this time?â
âWe thought you unleashed some curse and sent all the clones off somewhere, but then some hobo appeared out of nowhere and took all the credit.â The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies shrugged. âStill, that was some impressive magic.â
âThanks,â Starlight muttered.
The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies smiled and reached her hoof to Starlight. âButter Ball.â
âWhat?â
âThatâs my name,â The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies blushed. âIâm Butter Ball.â
âStarlight Glimmer.â
"Finally, we're home," Pterostigma said. "Those ponies are quick when it comes to rebuilding houses, right?"
"This house wasn't damaged much anyway," Spring Breeze replied. "But at least they took care of our papers and we're now proud subjects of Princess Celestia."
Sclerite coughed. "I think I got horsey hives."
"How could you even get it?" Pterostigma rolled her eyes. "It's a pony disease."
"I don'tâ" Sclerite coughed again, this time changing into Scootaloo.
"Oh, not this again!" Spring Breeze yelled, instantly turning into a nirik. Sclerite jumped back, suddenly turning into a big, coughing bowl of casserole.
Spring Breeze froze, raising her eyebrows, and turned back into a kirin. "I just don't get this guy..." she said, shaking her head.
Twilight looked down from her balcony. The ponies were cleaning the streets; Applejack was helping the workers build new houses in place of the burned ones. The ditch to Tartarus had been carefully filled with earth. Several skilled necromancers from the Department of Wartime Technologies were trying to remove the curse from the school of friendship. So far, two of them ended up growing antlers.
In other words, everything in Ponyville was going back to normal.
âSo, what exactly did you do to those clones?â Twilight asked Starswirl who stood next to her.
âHorde chess,â Starswirl replied. âI became the queen behind their defences.â
Twilight sighed. âYes, but what did you do to them? That looked like quite a powerful spell.â
âOh, it was the same thing as usual,â Starswirl replied, smiling. âWhy would I change something that works? Also, Iâve heard of your method from Pinkie. Effective, but time consuming. Once you reach my levelââ
Twilight froze. âStarswirl⊠Did you send them to the human world?â
âHuman?â Starswirl raised his eyebrows. âNow thatâs a word I havenât heard in a while. We had one of these back in the old days. Bald. Green skin. Weird face. Said something horribly inappropriate to Princess Luna, so young Sir Sombra shot him and had him stuffed. Quite a fine specimen. Probably still lies in some basement in the Crystal Empire.â
âWell, I meanââ Twilight paused when she heard the buzzing sound and saw flashing lights from her room. âWait a minute, I have to pick that up.â
Just as she expected, Sunset Shimmer wrote her a message. It was short and mysterious.
Is Starswirl with you? If he is, tell him to look at his ass in the mirror.
Twilight wrote a quick âyesâ and went back to Starswirl. âCould you go to this mirror and look at your, umm⊠tail in it?â she asked.
âWhy?â Starswirl furrowed his eyebrows. âIs it some magical experiment?â
âExperiment?â Twilight smiled sheepishly. âYeah, we can call it that.â
âSure, why not.â Starswirl walked to the mirror and stood in front of it. Then he turned around, examining each strand of hair in his tail.
Twilight watched the portal. Something was definitely going on in it. Magic flashed briefly and the frame started to tremble.
âI donât get it,â Starswirl muttered. âWhat is supposed toââ He screamed when a yellow hoof emerged from the portal, kicking him in the family jewels. Clutching to them, he rolled on the floor.
Sunset Shimmer emerged from the portal. She looked at Starswirl and levitated him, slamming him against the wall.
âSunset!â Twilight exclaimed. âWhat are you doing?â
âDonât worry, I got this.â Sunset turned to Starswirl, stopping his attempts to fight back with a flick of her horn. âListen up, old fart. I would be really grateful if you stopped using my world as your dumping grounds, okay? Magic from Equestria, okay. Artifacts? Fine. Sirens? Now that was a dick move.â She lifted Starswirl a bit higher. âSpeaking of, the state of your balls at the end of this conversation depends on how happy I am with it, so listen to me closely.â
âSure,â Starswirl replied, looking at Twilight. âWho is this wicked wench?â
âShut up.â Sunset brough Starswirl closer. âOver ten thousand girls, most of them identical, suddenly appearing in the middle of the football pitch during the most important game of the season. Most of them seriously fucked up. A few of them claim they are âthe real oneâ, whatever it means. Others didnât notice yet that they donât have wings anymore. They can make a pretty good use of their fists, though.â
âItâs not myââ
âWell, whose else?â Sunset exclaimed. âSome of them told us a hare-brained story of evil Twilight Sparkle whoâd send them âback to the poolâ and who imprisons innocent fillies in Tartarus. They also mentioned an old fart with bells on his hat.â She turned to Twilight. âIâm not sure what you did, but Sci-Twi has a pretty bad existential crisis because she realised some of her counterparts in other dimensions may be evil.â
âWell, Iâm sure we can fix this,â Twilight said.
âWhat do you want to fix?â Sunset asked. âThe authorities may be blind to magic, but when ten thousand girls suddenly appear somewhere⊠Letâs say the school is now full of guys in black suits with no sense of humour and my fake passport looks more and more fake with every passing day. No one knows what to do with that, especially since some of those girls found a lawyer and are asking for asylum, claiming to be persecuted in their home country. The fact that no court ever heard of Equestria doesnât mean shit.â
âSome of them?â Twilight asked. âWhat about the rest?â
Sunset casually dropped Starswirl on the floor. âAbout thatâŠâ She walked to the portal, put her hoof in her mouth and whistled.
It couldnât possibly be heard across the dimensions, but somehow it worked. The portal trembled again and the first clones emerged from it, slipping on the floor or flying around the room. Two of them grabbed Starswirl and flew away with him, dropping him into a pile of fertiliser.
âItâs not about you, Twilight,â Sunset said. She had to shout to be heard over the crescendo of voices. âIâm just kinda done with Starswirlâs shit. Guess youâll find a solution⊠A new home or something.â
Twilightâs eye twitched and she smirked in a way that shouldnât be possible. âOf courseâŠâ she muttered right before passing out.