Lingering Touch
Perhaps it’s just the fact that it’s the middle of the fall… Maybe it’s due to the dust in the air. Regardless of the reason, the days seem to drag on for so long, even though the sun is setting earlier than ever… All the colors seem to be leaving the world and that makes it a little harder to breathe. At least, it’s hard to breathe for Sunset Shimmer. No matter how she tries, she can’t find the will to actually stand up. These days, it’s hard for her to even get out of bed, much less actually go outside. It feels cold outside, so why should she bother? But it’s not like the inside of this house is any different. It’s felt cold for a while now… Every corner feels just as lifeless as the next. Every room in this house feels empty, despite the furniture and decor actually present. It’s enough to make her cry, but the only thing stopping her is the fact that she’s already cried every tear she can.
Sunset gently walks down the cold, wooden stairs, dragging her finger along the wall. Her solemn face looks down the stairwell, making sure she doesn’t slip. Walking into the living room, Sunset thinks about the irony of the name, thinking about just how dead it feels. At this point, dust had long since formed on all the furniture inside the room. The only part of the room that had been disturbed in over a year was the path from the stairs to the kitchen. Averting her gaze from the room, Sunset once again makes her way to the kitchen without turning the light on. It’s hard for the woman to decide what she’s thinking about these days. Is it an absence of thoughts or an abundance of them that causes her confusion? Even she doesn’t know anymore.
Opening the fridge, Sunset’s eyes scan the empty shelves, not feeling surprised in the slightest. The only thing inside is an empty jug of milk and a few more cans of beer. Nothing to eat but that wasn’t a problem for her. She hardly had an appetite to begin with. Nothing tastes good anymore. What was the point? Grabbing one of the remaining cans, Sunset slowly closes the fridge, walking around the table and making sure to avoid the broken glass. Sunset forgot when that actually happened, but all she knows is that the glass had been there for a while… Sitting down on the table without regard to the strength of the furniture, Sunset opens her beverage and looks out the window into the backyard. The only color in her life seems to be right outside that window. Nothing inside this house seems to be bright anymore. Maybe it’s due to the dust. Or maybe life itself is running her through the dirt. It feels like just one big mistake. Every corner gives her a new issue to deal with, something else to try and fix. The magical rainbows of high school are nowhere to be seen anymore. Not a happy song to fill the air or some friend to give her a smile. All there is to fill the void is this empty house. A house that sings a tune of loneliness.
What once was a tune of happiness and companionship is now just a hollow echo in her heart. Taking a sip of her drink, Sunset stares outside, a simple wish in her heart. The only thing she could want is to turn back the clock. Why did life have to seem so perfect back then? Now, it feels like nothing could make this hole feel better. This hole in her life is so large that nothing could fill it completely. Nothing could ever fill the empty space in her bed. Instead, she has to live in a house that is falling apart. Cobwebs fill almost every corner and the trash has overflown. But who cares? It’s not a problem. She’s living just fine where she is. There’s no reason to change anything that doesn’t need to be changed. This is all she has the energy for now.
Finishing off her drink, Sunset sets it on the table next to her, lying down quietly. Her eyes stare up at the gray ceiling, noticing just how different it looks from the backyard. It reaffirms to her that this house feels a lot colder than the outside. Maybe not physically, but that’s not what matters. When she was here, the house felt so much more colorful. More alive… It was a group venture to decorate the house. Everything from setting up the living room to fixing leaking faucets was a team effort. That’s what mattered. It feels wrong to fix something without her here. Without seeing her stupid smirk and hearing a couple teasing jokes. Those jokes still echo against the walls. At least, that’s what Sunset can hear… She can almost swear those words were just uttered a few moments ago rather than a few months ago. She had long since lost track of time. The calendar on the wall is out of date but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that each clock in this house is either broken or behind. It doesn’t matter that some of the lights are out and the door has remained locked for god knows how long.
What does matter is the small echo in the house of times that had long since passed. It’s all she can hear and it’s the last thing that keeps Sunset around. Her voice still lingers, but everything else has fallen to different shades of gray. She can’t see the colors anymore… Other than outside this home, colors don’t exist for Sunset. Life spites her in that way. All she can focus on now is the simple echo and the gray ceiling above her.
A loud knock makes Sunset open her eyes, feeling a little surprised to hear someone at the door. For a brief second, her heart races, a momentary hope that the knock is the same one that she heard a long time ago. That hope disappears just as quickly as it appeared, Sunset knowing exactly how stupid her wish is. “If only time could rewind…” is the only thing she thinks about. Forcing herself off the table, it takes a lot of willpower to not ignore the knock, every step feeling like a curse. Walking through the living room, Sunset stops momentarily, looking at the front door with a frown. Every time she opens that door, it just reminds her of the fact that life goes on. No matter what she’s going through, life goes on just as harshly as ever. Ignored cries of pain always went unanswered…
For the first time in a long time, Sunset unlocks the door, taking a deep breath as she does so. The door pathetically opens in a loud creak, light from the outside world spilling into this gray home of hers. On the porch outside the door, a woman with a cowboy hat looks at her with a concerned expression, clearly surprised by what she sees.
“Sunset, are ya doing alright?” Applejack asks her quietly, her hand still hovering in the hand as if she’s too shocked to move her arm back down. “I um… You didn’t go to work in the last few weeks. You haven’t been answering our calls. Is something going on?” the southern woman asks while peering inside the house, trying to get a better look at what’s behind Sunset. The fiery haired woman prevents this by making Applejack look at her instead of the state of her home.
“What do you want, Applejack?” Sunset asks just as blatantly as she feels, her mind telling her to close the door on her friend. Applejack hesitates for a moment, her expression telling Sunset just how nervous the normally brash woman is feeling.
“Sunset, I’m worried about ya… We were hanging out just a few weeks ago, but you’re holding yourself up in your home. What’s going on?” The truth is that Sunset had been hanging out with her friends for a while, but all of it was a mask. Every time she went out, she had to fake a smile, trying to pretend everything was alright after that happened. But she didn’t want to pretend. Sunset felt so tired telling her friends that everything would be okay when she knew damn well that it wouldn’t be. It’s never okay…
“That’s such a crime? Tons of people stay inside during the fall,” Sunset sighs, trying to keep her emotions in check as much as she can.
“But you have been inside since the summer! It’s not just this month or last month,” Applejack instantly retorts, frustrated to hear Sunset’s vague excuse. Even Sunset knew it was an excuse herself. A poor one at that. “That’s it. I ain’t leaving you till you promise to see a doctor or something,” Applejack states, pushing her way inside Sunset’s home.
“I don’t need a doctor,” Sunset tells Applejack with a dismissive sigh, watching the cowgirl walk inside and stopping a few short feet inside the house.
“Girl, there’s so much dust in here. Trash is on the coffee table and cobwebs are in the corners! When was the last time you cleaned? This is why I was worried.” Applejack picks up some of the trash quickly, making her way through the house. Sunset wants to yell at her friend, but the other side of her feels too tired to actually do so. The truth is that Sunset hadn’t touched the living room since it happened. Sunset only touched a couple of rooms anymore. Her daily routine consisted of waking up, drinking another beer in the kitchen and falling asleep on the kitchen table. Every part of the mess in this house wasn’t an issue anymore.
Walking toward the kitchen, Sunset sees Applejack pull the trash bag out of the can, tying it off with little to no effort. Before she can get another bag, Applejack spots the broken glass on the floor. “Don’t touch that,” Sunset instantly states without even thinking of the words, her hand reaching out as soon as she says the words.
“What? Sunset, you have broken glass on your floor! How are you living like this? You need help,” Applejack tells Sunset before grabbing a broom, walking towards the glass. Within an instant, Sunset’s heart races and both her arms raise in the air, outstretched towards Applejack.
“DON’T TOUCH IT!” Sunset yells, immediately grabbing the broom away from Applejack’s grasp. Instantly, tears start running down Sunset’s cheeks, her hands gripping the broom with full strength. “Please,” she whispers, looking away from the glass in an attempt to regulate her emotions. It’s too late now though…
“What is so damn important about a broken glass on the floor?” Applejack asks her with a frustrated expression. Sunset knows exactly why she never bothered to clean it up. Even though she can’t remember when it happened, she knows exactly what happened to the glass.
“She broke it,” Sunset chokes out, barely able to speak the words. Even mentioning her still feels like it’s too soon. She broke the glass. Right before she went to the hospital…
“Adagio…? She broke the glass?” Applejack asks Sunset quietly, walking over to Sunset. “Sugarcube. She… That was over a year ago… You’re meaning to tell me you never cleaned that up?” Applejack’s tone is a lot kinder now, her hand gently rubbing Sunset’s shoulder. While it was true that Sunset hung out with her friends just a few months ago, it was more than a year ago when her heart broke. When her once whole heart broke into fractals, falling to the bottom of the world. Once upon a time, Adagio Dazzle was her enemy, but those taunts turned into confessions of love. It was so long ago that the two of them bought this house together… Laughter was shared in these rooms. Sunset thought they would spend the rest of their lives here, but that statement only turned out to be half true. “Sunset, she is… well, she’s moved on, sugarcube. She loved ya with all her heart, but she wouldn’t want ya to spend your life like this.” Applejack gently holds Sunset’s shoulders, trying to smile as warmly as possible.
“She didn’t move on,” Sunset whispers, pressing her back against the wall. The tears begin to flow from her eyes once more. The broom falls to the floor, her legs feel weak and just as she looks at the shards of broken glass, Sunset’s wall breaks down. “She’s dead,” Sunset lets out in a cry, sliding down to the ground. For the first time in a long time, Sunset is able to cry again… It had been so long since she closed herself off. Now, that echo is so loud, reminding her of every single giggle they shared here. Every single time they shared their feelings of love. It’s impossible to ignore it anymore… To ignore the impact Adagio had on Sunset’s mind is simply impossible. Sunset loved her more than anything. Even herself. Instead, life thought it was fair to take her away, breaking Sunset’s heart just as much as the glass in front of her.
“Sugarcube,” Applejack’s voice says in a soft tone, the cowgirl slowly wrapping her arms around Sunset’s body. Not another word is shared. All Sunset can feel is the echoes of her love, the embers of her heart crying out one more time. Adagio was her world. Every day, they would wake up right next to each other. But now, Sunset has to wake up alone, watching a house grow cold and lonely without the siren’s cheeky jokes. Dust settles so easily… Why can’t she be here? Why did life have to take one but not the other? All Sunset has wished for in the last year was for the clock to turn back. All she wanted was for one wish to come true. One wish… One more day with the one she loves. “She loved ya too, you know that?” Applejack whispers, rubbing Sunset’s shoulder slowly. “You meant the world to her. She wanted what was best for you at all times and you two made this house beautiful together.” Applejack slowly sits down in front of Sunset, making her friend look her in the eyes. “Her memory doesn’t have to die with her, sweetheart… She was a good friend to me too. She would want ya to clean up that glass and rebuild. Just like the two of you did all the time.” As much as it hurts, Sunset knows that Applejack is right… Adagio would have wanted that. In that way, Sunset failed her, letting the house fall apart like this. It’s so hard to admit that she’s gone. To clean up and act like life keeps going on when so much of Sunset’s heart was taken with her on that day. How can she possibly go on?
“I can’t do it by myself, Applejack,” Sunset chokes out, unable to look away from the glass. “She meant so much to me… I can’t forget her.”
“You aren’t alone, sugarcube,” Applejack tells her with a smile, nodding slowly. “The girls and I are here for you.” Applejack holds Sunset’s shoulder, making her finally look the cowgirl in the eyes. “You better not forget her. Ever. Sunset, she was a big part of your life. Don’t let that memory die out. The only thing you need to do is learn how to live with it. To live with a smile on your face because you have those memories. We will help you through that process. If you will let us in.” A few more tears fall down Sunset’s cheeks as memories of her come back to the front of her mind. Sunset knows that Applejack is telling her the truth… But can she really move on? “I won’t touch the glass, but I want ya to clean it up. Alright? She would want you to be happy.”
Slowly wiping away her tears, Sunset takes a deep breath, trying her best to remember what Adagio wanted for her. She wanted Sunset to be happy. She would want this… Picking up the broom, Sunset pushes herself back up to her feet, remembering every single moment with the love of her life. She would never find someone like her again, but Sunset doesn’t have to replace her. Sunset doesn’t have to let Adagio’s memory die. They worked hard to make this house perfect. It would be a shame to let that die… She can repair it. As long as she learns to live without her love. Someday, it will be okay. Maybe someday, the pieces of her heart will learn to form back together. Her lingering touch on Sunset’s heart will never leave, but that’s something Sunset knows she will have to keep alive.