Rarity makes a new friend at Crotch Sniffers Anonymous, a meeting to which she was sentenced after non-consensually sniffing the crotch of Anonymous the human. It seems to be a growing problem.
Crotch sniffing has become a problem in Ponyville lately, with the arrival of Equestria's only human, such a problem that mares charged with it are sentenced to Crotch Sniffers Anonymous in the hopes they may change. Rarity, there for her first offense, meets a Ms. Mare.
“I, uh, noticed a funny smell and, uh, wanted to get another whiff, to, uh, well. Anyway, I followed the smell to his, uh, crotch and I, uh, pressed my nose to his pants to smell it better. It’s really hard to describe, the, uh, smell coming from his crotch. I, uh, guess I didn’t pay attention to what I was doing at the time, but I can see now that pushing him into a corner and putting my foreleg up so he couldn’t move was an inappropriate thing to do. As was using my teeth to tear off his pants button, but then it was even stronger. It felt like it forced itself into every bit of empty space in my skull, and I pushed my nose back in even harder, and when he put his hands on my head I thought he was egging me on, and I could’ve sworn his yelling kind of sounded like my name, and I think some of his little hairs went in my nose, and then it was even stronger, and I don’t even remember putting my tongue out but it really reminded me of a salt lick after a hard day of outside labour, and and”
“Ms. Mare! For the last time, be quiet!” The little mare was hit on the back of her head with a ruler by a pegasus mare in uniform, which finally shut her up. Ms. Mare waited.
“Well?” The same pegasus said moments later.
“O-Oh, and that’s why I’m here with the rest of you at Crotch Sniffers Anonymous.”
“Good.” The pegasus clearly did not think it was good, but nevertheless was relieved to move on. “And now you can introduce yourself, Miss Rarity.”
Rarity’s hooves nervously pressed at the dress that perfectly covered her cutie-mark, and her magic fidgeted with the oversized hat meant to obscure her mane and face. She was glad to be wearing panties after hearing all of that, lest she leave a noticeable wet spot on her wooden fold-out chair arranged in a circle with the others.
“Um, yes, well. My story is a little, how should I say it, less “interesting” than Ms. Mare’s.” Rarity daintily cleared her throat. “Anonymous the human comes to me for all of his clothing, at the Carousel Boutique, right down the road from Sugarcube Corner—also today and today only we’re having a sale on all polka-dotted scarves,” The pegasus mare silently glided over to hover behind Rarity; Rarity cleared her throat again and otherwise ignored her, raising a foreleg a little before herself and closing her eyes. “The relationship between a human and his seamstress is sacred, and I, in a moment of weakness, violated him, I mean I violated his trust in me.” She cleared her throat less daintily this time. “I was taking his measurements, and as we all know that’s done naked, and, well, we were “eye-level” so to speak. Instead of maintaining a professional distance, the invisible hoof of temptation nudged me closer and closer until I was “smelling the bushes” you could say. When he asked me to stop, I of course saw the error of my ways and gave him a wide berth. So, really, it’s all a misunderstanding as to why I’m here, darlings. I’m a gentlemare through-and-through.” Rarity finished her story with a little more fidgeting and some teeth-clacking.
“Yes, well, Miss Rarity,” that annoying pegasus mare checked her papers, Rarity could hear as much, “you did stop when he asked you, the tenth time in fact. So, yes, you’re not some crotch-sniffing maniac like Ms. Mare, yet.” Rarity shivered; the pegasus had spoken that last word right at her ear.
The introductions continued, some pamphlets were passed around for them to keep, some meaningless platitudes were spoken, and they were made to stand and recite a pledge.
“Smell the flowers, smell some with blotches, but don’t stop to smell human crotches.”
Rarity rolled her eyes.
Celestia’s sun greeted them as they were let out of that horrid, stuffy room. Was it some irony to sentence such mares to an hour a week in a room full of their musk? Regardless, it made Rarity appreciate the fresh air all the more, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath, but her calm was interrupted by a voice speaking up behind her. “Hey.”
Rarity opened her eyes and looked back to see Ms. Mare, with the same relaxed and half-lidded demeanour as ever. “I’ve never seen you at the meetings before, so I guess this is your first offense. Don’t feel bad, it happens to plenty of mares eventually, at least in this village.”
“Well, there’s one human in Equestria, in this village, so I’d expect that to be the case. Honestly, I find the whole affair to be a little ridiculous, Crotch Sniffers Anonymous because of a single stallion.”
“He’s a man, a human.” Ms. Mare stared off into the distance.
“Whatever, it’s still ridiculous to let one little male cause all of this trouble for us working mares.”
“Well, it’s not a problem with any other male. His alien pheromone system isn’t meant to cope with our sniffing.” Ms. Mare’s nose twitched.
“Well, and I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t see why that can’t be his problem. I’ve never been arrested before in my life, and my arrest record now has “crotch sniffer” on it of all things; oh, I now have an arrest record! Oh, if anypony in Canterlot ever hears about this, I don’t know if I’ll ever live it down.”
“You should relax. It’s not that big of a deal.” Ms. Mare had caught up with Rarity, and they were now walking side-by-side. “Nopony ever gives me guff for it.”
Rarity thought for a moment. “I suppose you’re right. Say, would you like to join me at my shop for coffee?” She frowned. “I don’t think anypony’s coming to partake of my sale.”
Ms. Mare herself had some liquid to share, and it went nicely in their coffee.
“Our mothers built this nation, but do we get thanks? No!!!” Rarity shook her head as she let that last word escape her, spilling some of her drink. “Instead now we get saddled with even more responsibilities and laws. Did you know there’s a law against mares masturbating in public, but not stallions? Honestly.”
The two mares had been talking for hours by now, and Luna’s moon had replaced her sister’s sun.
“Well, has a stallion ever masturbated in public here? I think I would’ve heard about it, or seen a photograph, if that had happened.”
Rarity downed her last cup of coffee and sighed. “That’s besides the point, sister. It just ruffles my fur to get in trouble for giving into my baser urges, for just a few moments, or minutes. I’m not made of stone! Uhh, I’d never have a bad mane day if I were made of stone.” Ms. Mare hummed in agreement, as she’d been doing for hours by now, and Rarity fell back on her chaise lounge.
“Do you think he does it on purpose?” Rarity craned her head to get a good look at Ms. Mare.
Rarity hadn’t considered that before.
“That would make sense.” Rarity’s magic started playing with her lip. “After all, it always seems to happen at the most inopportune of circumstances. Maybe you’re onto something, Mare.” Ms. Mare hummed in agreement again.
“Do you think maybe he’s trying to send us a message? You know, playing hard to get?” Ms. Mare still had that relaxed look on her face.
“Hmm, I hadn’t considered that either, darling, but you’re making a lot of sense.” Rarity rolled over so she could stand when she felt like it. “Although are you implying what I think you’re implying, Mare?”
“Yeah. So, care to join me?” They were staring at each other now, Rarity blinking more often than Ms. Mare was.
Rarity hopped off her lounge and stretched. “Well, I’m not going to sleep anytime soon, so sure.” She started poring through her outfits resting on hangers around them, aiming for the kind of baggy clothing that covers a lot of a pony, and then getting an idea so devious she rubbed her hooves together and stuck out her tongue with a grin. She settled on a costume meant to resemble the worst of the worst of the previous generation. “It almost occurred to me to dress fashionably, as always, but what better disguise than something ghastly, don’t you agree, darling?” Rarity was wearing baggy neon pants and some manner of checkerboard design on her front half, with much of her mane bunched up in a baseball cap. “Now then, would you like anything, a balaclava perhaps?”
Ms. Mare said she wanted to keep her nose uncovered, and left it at that.
Most ponies were asleep by now, and Rarity used the light of her horn to guide them when the moonlight wasn’t enough. Anonymous had been living in the library with Twilight Sparkle, but the word around Ponyville was that the unicorn had her own crotch sniffing problem. Probably all it took was a letter to Princess Celestia to keep her out of Crotch Sniffers Anonymous. More alert than ever, Rarity mentally bucked herself upon realizing she could’ve sent a letter to the princess to get the same special treatment. Spike would’ve been all too happy to do so, probably, after he got over writing the letter, anyway; still, it was nothing a peck on his cheek wouldn’t have solved, and she started angrily muttering under her breath as she ran the scenarios through her addled mind over-and-over.
“We’re here.” Ms. Mare speaking was enough to get her out of her rut, and into a hopeful new rut.
Anonymous’ house was far from the edge of Ponyville, instead flanked by other homes. The telltale sign of his house was the oversized door, and Rarity got the urge to knock before she remembered what she was doing. The window curtains were mostly drawn, but she and Ms. Mare could just barely peek through to see that the den was empty. Rarity grabbed the doorknob in her magic, and gently shoved herself into the door when it didn’t budge.
“Huh, is, is that a lock?!” Rarity whispered not so gently to Ms. Mare. “Why does he have a lock on his door?”
“Aw, he thinks it’ll keep us out.” Ms. Mare’s face was a little less blank, almost smiling.
Rarity jammed her magic inside and fiddled with the lock for a minute or two, until it finally allowed her to open the door. She turned to Ms. Mare with a grin and then gently pushed the door open all the way.
They slowly walked inside and then shut the door behind themselves, with Rarity clicking the lock back into place. Rarity had never stepped hoof into Anonymous’ house, her happy expression faded a little when she remembered that she wasn’t necessarily welcome anymore, but it returned after she decided his good graces wouldn’t be too hard to enter. She shivered. Sweet Celestia did she want him to enter her good graces.
The house was deadly silent, and not a candle was lit, but the moonlight that did shine through was enough to reveal the basic layout of the den. Some of the furniture was common, and some had some very uncommon changes made. One piece of furniture was actually two different pieces shoved together and clumsily attached. Rarity gagged at the man’s silly sense of aesthetics. Well, it was no time for decorating, if only because it was so dark. Rarity turned towards Ms. Mare to get an idea of where they were headed.
Ms. Mare wasn’t by her side. Ms. Mare was gone.
“Well, that was rude.” Rarity muttered under her breath and started looking around for the stairs. Bedrooms were usually on the second floor, she struggled to think of a single counterexample in all of Ponyville, and his house was probably no different, unless humans sleep underground like diamond dogs. Did he have a cellar?
She found the staircase to the second floor before any cellar entrance, and had to very slowly creep up the stairs after she nearly lost her balance and rolled back down them. Crashing in the den as if she were Rainbow Dash would be most unbecoming of a lady, and it would also wake Anonymous.
There was a hallway in the second floor, from which all upper rooms were accessible, probably. Anonymous wasn’t Pinkie Pie. Her horn’s glow returned to give her some clue as to which door was to his bedroom. It was probably the door at the end of the hall, considering it was open.
Rarity couldn’t light her horn and risk Anonymous seeing it, so she strained her eyes to peer in and look around by what little moonlight could make its way into the room. The window curtains were drawn, so she couldn’t see anything.
Fortunately, she heard a horrible snore coming from the other side of the room, so she risked it and lit her horn just enough to see. She was now aware that Ms. Mare was there, at his bedside, sniffing the air without a care. Rarity daintily cleared her throat to get Ms. Mare’s attention, unsuccessfully, and walked over to sniff that same air. She could smell his crotch, but just barely, underneath the bedsheets and pajamas she recalled making for him. Ms. Mare started to whisper.
“We’re in a predicament.” Ms. Mare gave Rarity a half-lidded stare, still sniffing the air without a care. “I can’t smell him better without waking him up. What do you want to do?”
Rarity hummed inbetween bouts of quick sniffing and rubbing her chin with the back of her hoof. The smell was nice, but it wasn’t strong enough to be intoxicating, not yet. She started slowly moving back-and-forth as she shifted her weight between her hooves.
“I think he’s been showering every day lately.” Rarity didn’t quite know how Ms. Mare would know that, but it certainly made sense the longer she sniffed. Rarity clicked her tongue and blew a few raspberries while she thought. Anonymous started making some noises too. Rarity looked over to see Ms. Mare beginning to crawl onto the bed.
Rarity looked over to see Ms. Mare beginning to crawl onto the bed.
One hoof was already right next to his back and making him sink deeper into the bed.
Her heart started racing and she wasn’t thinking clearly about what she was doing in the moment, not that this was new, and she plucked Ms. Mare into the air with her magic and scurried backwards until she butted into the closet door. She threw open the sliding pull doors and jammed herself and Ms. Mare inside before closing them. She was struggling to breathe quietly, covering her mouth with her hooves, while Ms. Mare kept staring at her with that same half-lidded stare and relaxed look on her face, not that Rarity could see her well in the darkness.
A few minutes passed with neither of them moving, and Anonymous had started snoring again. Rarity could barely feel her tongue right now with how her nerves were. She lit her horn brightly enough to glare at Ms. Mare, but Ms. Mare’s eyes grew wide for the first time Rarity had seen, and Rarity grumpily leaned out of the way when Ms. Mare started switching sides of the closet with her; then Rarity noticed it too, a dirty clothes hamper was standing in the closet with them.
“Oh yeah, I was beginning to think he’d started doing laundry daily.” Ms. Mare reared to rest her hooves on the lip, and started digging through the hamper, going almost entirely by feel and smell with how dark it was. Rarity didn’t need to dig through it with her hooves, one of the perks of unicornhood, and brought some small article of clothing out and to her nose to sniff, only to start violently retching. She let whatever it was fall to the ground and turned her head to avoid having an episode. The air in the closet wasn’t strictly pleasant with two mares in it, but it was tolerable.
She closed her nostrils with her magic, and levitated whatever it had been above her head a bit to get a better look at it with the light. “A sock. How nasty.” It was a sock she recalled making, but a used sock nonetheless. She tossed it into the corner behind her and turned to Ms. Mare.
Ms. Mare was now wearing a mask and, now that Rarity was no longer feeling sick, she could hear just how heavily the mare was breathing, and trembling. Ms. Mare’s muzzle stretched the crotch of the tight, white underwear; her eyes didn’t line up perfectly with the leg holes, but it was clear she couldn’t care less about that. It was clear she was going to be no help with the hamper.
Anonymous was still snoring, so she increased the brightness of her horn’s light, and started levitating clothing out of the hamper until she’d also found some underwear. They were a looser kind of underwear she’d made for him along with those wrapped around Ms. Mare, and she almost resented this fact, but they were the first pair she’d found, and Rarity wasn’t waiting any longer. She daintily bunched them up in her hooves, brought them to her nose, and breathed deeply in a most unlady-like way, violent shivers running down her back as she did so.
It was the most fun Rarity had experienced in a closet for quite a long time, which she’d later realize as a funny fact, but only one thought occurred to her in the moment, and not long later a second came to her. One glance up from the underwear at Ms. Mare let her know they were in agreement.
She wanted more, they wanted more, and they were going to take it, now.
Had Anonymous been told that he’d be teleported to another world, in which the females lust after him to the point they break into his house regularly, he would’ve been ecstatic. Now that he lives in that world, he understands that a man loses an awful lot of sleep that way.
Tonight, he woke up after something jumped on him, knocking the air out of his lungs. By now, he wasn’t worried about someone trying to kill him, not that it was really much of a concern with the peaceful ponies anyway; he knew what she wanted. Another telltale sign was how they never struggled against him, such as when he would lean over to start a light, but it’s awfully hard to properly light a lantern with a mare who weighed at least as much as he did pressing down on him regardless, and so he now had a shining crystal covered with a cloth that he used in these situations. After his coughing fit ended and he could just barely breathe, he yanked the fabric away, and illuminated the entire room.
He was greeted by a bubblegum pink butt pressing down on his chest, and the tail with stripes of silver and rust colours even obscured his view of anything he may have wanted to see. On both sides of that butt was a cutie-mark depicting a chocolate bar. “Goddamn it, Mare!”
“Yeah, say my name.” Ms. Mare spoke without lifting her head from him, each word interrupted by another loud sniff.
Really, he wouldn’t even mind that much, or at least he preferred to think he wouldn’t mind that much, if he got something out of this. A sexy night with a different mare from his harem of crotch sniffers could be nice, but they never did anything except sniff. They wake him up, nearly every night, and all they do is sniff. They’re right there, and they only ever sniff, and never anything else. It was torture.
Ms. Mare was playing in the bushes around a tall and impressive tree, but something else wasn’t right about this. That tree was flanked by two large and very impressive boulders, and somepony else was enjoying the nooks and crannies around there. He moved Ms. Mare out of the way, as much as he could, to look around her and see a white pony with a squiggly tail dressed ridiculously. “What the fuck are you doing here, Rarity?!”
Rarity, to her credit, pulled her head away and looked at him in horror. “H-However did you recognize me, d-darling?”
“It was a lucky guess.” Anonymous rolled his eyes before answering.
Rarity felt like a fool; he hadn’t seen through her disguise at all, but his wits had nevertheless duped her into revealing her hidden identity. Being a gentlemare could be such a burden. Her gaze turned from his head to his head, and she decided that she couldn’t possibly get in more trouble with him now; she resumed what she’d been doing, sniffing furiously and giggling.
Anonymous lay his head back down on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. All of this, and yet he was staring at the ceiling. It was time for his usual nightly routine.
He stretched out his left arm as much as he could, and brought it to hover over Ms. Mare’s flank a few times, to make certain he were aiming correctly. He slapped her with all of his might, the sound so loud it drowned out the sniffing noises. Ms. Mare jumped with a yelp, now straddling him, and he put a hand against her barrel to push her off; Ms. Mare unceremoniously rolled off the bed and landed with a thud.
Rarity was paying him no mind, still. He simply grabbed her by the horn and moved her out of the way so he could rotate to a sitting position on the bed and then stand on the floor. She made some weird noise he couldn’t quite name. His slippers were where they always were, and he slid them on before letting go of her horn and walking to the closet.
It was a cold night, so he’d want a robe at the least, but he couldn’t be too picky since he had to choose quickly. He slid on the first thing he found and headed for the door. Rarity followed him, sniffing all the way, and Ms. Mare had picked herself up by now. He quickly walked down the stairs, glared at the lock on his door for a moment before opening it, and entered the cold outside as they followed at his heels, and his crotch.
Rarity wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening around her, not since she’d decided to throw away her last bit of caution. She noticed when she tripped and scuffed her poor pants, however, but it was only a momentary distraction before his scent tickled her brain and beckoned her to continue following him, wherever he was going. He led them somewhere familiar, into some building, and then a quaint little room.
She noticed herself being pushed into the wall by a unicorn’s magical grip. The wall was cold, in fact the entire little room was cold. She looked around to notice Anonymous on the other side of the prison bars, talking to the stallion in full guard uniform. She felt herself gently lowered to the stone floor.
“Thanks officer. I’ll be going back to sleep now.” He left. He left without even saying goodbye.
The sweet smell that was him was now completely gone. Sobriety, however, couldn’t yet turn to the mare. She turned to Ms. Mare and began to speak. “What do we do now, Mare?”
Ms. Mare was asleep in one of the little beds, snoring away. No, it was the only little bed.
“I see this is your first overnight stay with us, Miss Rarity.” The stallion was calm, but his voice full of contempt. “Ms. Mare prefers the bed, but you’re free to the corner.” Rarity followed his hoof to see there was another bed in the room, a traditional bed made of hay.
