Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
edited by cwiis
The Ticket Master
Dear Diary,
It appears that Pinkie's formula worked. Twilight got up ten minutes early this morning and whined that she hadn't started her Hearth's Warming Eve schedule yet. Which means she's sociable, but still over-organized and bookish. Heads up to Pinkie for that.
It's been almost a week since we moved to Ponyville. Today, we helped Applejack pick some apples. Well, Twilight was the one helping pick them. I was doing the "crap, crap, good" test. All crap until I pulled out a big red apple, although Twilight scolded me that my definition of bad may be different from the pony definition of bad, which is why I shouldn't have left those apples on the road. I think she was just jealous that I ate the big red one.
After doing so, I burped. However, instead of burping apples, I burped a letter from Princess Celestia. Okay, there's something I really don't get here. Why can't she deliver the letters herself? Why does she have to use such gross methods?
...Oh wait, now I remember. Backstory time.
See, there was this one time when I was about six. Twilight was mega-studying for her Level 2 Finals. Just as she was about to finish re-reading her twelfth textbook, she got sick. Like, really sick.
While she was bawling her heart out 'cuz she was going to have to study all over again (sometimes I don't understand that mare's dedication, seriously), her mom asked me to call Twilight's dad using some new-fangled invention we had just gotten: the telephone. But, of course, she neglected to tell me how to work the dang thing.
Naturally, I didn't understand a thing, but her mom was waaay too stressed to pay attention to anything other than trying to calm her down. By the time her dad got home, Twilight's tears had already near-flooded her room and her temperature was getting higher, so he rushed off to tend to her as well. Without stopping by to help me out. By the time he came back, I:
-Had removed the 1, 2, 4, 6, and 9 buttons from the telephone.
-Had stacked all encyclopedia books to form a pyramid, with some of Twilight's pens and a handkerchief forming a makeshift flag.
-Had decorated the wall a bit with crayons (I was bored, okay?).
-Was about to call a liquor shop (I thought liquor was like licorice), when her dad grabbed the phone and rushed to explain that the person talking was his son (which is sorta true), and that he only drank non-alcoholic cider and punch.
I ended up grounded for one month, and we had to resort to letters since I wrecked the phone. When her mother leaked out this little incident to the Princess (...okay, vented her frustrations over tea), she did some research on dragons and found out that my species had involuntary muscles with magic that could send a certain essence in and out. The essence happened to be in the perfume she dabbed her letters with (hey, don't ask me).
...Ahem, back to the main topic. The letter she sent today contained two tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, which is the most fancy of all the balls in Canterlot, Canterlot being the second most fancy town in Equestria (they did a scientific study and everything). The first is Manehattan in Neigh York, but I think Canterlot's a lot nicer.
She offered the ticket to me, but refused. After all, I have a reputation to uphold. In response, Applejack got all hyped up and begged for the ticket. She said that if she sold her treats at the Gala, she could get a new plow, a new roof, and a new hip. For her grandmother, not her (not even sure what Applejack would do with a hip). I think that would run her about five hundred thousand bits, and her foods would sell for about... maybe twenty or thirty bits apiece? Well, she had good intentions, so Twilight gave it to her.
Or rather, she tried to give it to her. All of a sudden, Rainbow Dash swooped down.They asked her if she was spying, but she said that she was just going to nap when she overheard our conversation. She talked about how if she got the ticket, she'd show up at the Wonderbolts show and do some tricks to impress them, earning her a slot on their team. I think that crashing the show would be a bit extreme (that and I would imagine the Gala's security isn't that light), but she still had good intentions as well.
So who gets to go? Well, AJ suggested they have a hoof-wrestling match to decide the recipient. Fortunately, Twilight (who hates violence) stopped them and said she would decide over lunch (she never did get an apple). Good thing she did, or else they would have had endless ties and false wins. Then they wouldn't end up at the Grand Galloping Gala, but rather the Dull Curing Hospitala.
While we were heading to lunch, Pinkie Pie showed up out of nowhere (really, how does she do it?). Naturally, she found the tickets. The reason she wanted them was 'cuz she thought the Gala would be a giant party and we didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. I'm eternally grateful that she gave me that Anti-Mary-Sue formula the other day, but it was obvious that she didn't really deserve the ticket, at least not as much as the others. First off, she didn't know the Gala most certainly wasn't a giant party. Second, couldn't she have just as much fun at one of her own parties? Still, Twilight promised to consider it.
Two seconds later, enter Rarity, who wants to go to the Gala. Welp, we know who's getting the ticket. The end! ...Wait, she says that she wants to find the perfect stallion there. What? Noooooooo! Don't give the ticket to her, Twilight! Please!
Oh good, there's Fluttershy's pet bunny, Angelo Pavlov Carrot the Third, or Angel for short. Great, he's gonna eat them. That settles that! ...Wait, no! He's giving them to Fluttershy, who just wants to see the castle garden! What kind of a reason is that?
For that matter, why did everypony pick right now to decide to say hi to Twilight?
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Unique Equine Facts #4:
If you're doing something that you wouldn't expect your friends to show up for, they're all gonna show up at once.
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We somehow managed to slip out to lunch to chill out and think. Well, Twilight was the one thinking. I was too busy eating my hay fries. We were so busy with our respective tasks, we didn't notice it was raining. Or maybe it was because it was raining everywhere BUT our table. Oh, by the way, Rainbow Dash was making a hole in the clouds above our table.
That was the start of the endless favors. After that, Rarity styled up Twilight, just like the first time they met. Applejack treated her to a full lunch, or at least tried to. Twilight refused it as soon as she caught on. Fluttershy did some "spring cleaning" in the library (two months late).
And Pinkie Pie... well, I'll give points to her for being about as original as you can get. The second Twilight stepped out of the library, she tossed Twilight into the air with the assistance of a small crowd of ponies. She started singing a song that was so blatantly obvious that it might as well have been called "Twilight, Please Give Me Your Ticket To The Gala".
Of course, Twilight just had to scold Pinkie in front of everypony while mentioning the word "ticket". And of course, Pinkie had to specify they were tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala.
Cue us running from a rabid crowd of ponies we don't even know that well by using silly disguises (including a bonnet and an outdated umbrella) before finally teleporting back home.
And because Murphy's Law was in full effect today, the original let's-get-the-ticket ninjas were already there. Luckily, they had already realized the errors of their ways and said they didn't want the ticket anymore. Well, everypony except Rainbow Dash. She started dancing and singing in celebration until we gave her The Look.
Well, that was enough for Twilight to send the tickets (yes, both of them) back to Celestia. But really, I bet that if she didn't have that close a relationship to Celestia, she would have just thrown them in the furnace after all we went through.
After that, they all did a sappy group hug. I almost puked. Applejack caught on to it and started to tease me, but I managed to hide it when Princess Celestia sent yet ANOTHER letter. Turns out she had extra tickets the whole time and was just waiting for Twilight to ask her for them. Seriously.
The girls didn't seem to mind Celestia's little scheme, but I almost wanted to hit her over the head with the largest, heaviest rock in the universe after what she put me through. Yes, I know Rule #423 of Equestria says that threatening to hit the Princess over the head with the largest, heaviest rock in the universe is considered treason, but I didn't say that, I wrote it. After all, there's no rule against writing it.
Well, their joy was cut short when Twilight stomach practically screamed, reminding her she hadn't eaten for more than half a day. We all decided to go out to dinner. I didn't even step out before I realized that Rarity going to the Gala meant that she was going to have to find somepony (or dragon) to accompany her. Two seconds after that, I burped out yet another ticket. Wonder if Pinkie Pie visited the princess lately. That better be the case, or I'm marching straight to a rock farm. Might as well get a pie while I'm there.
And by the way, I learned something today. It's to never share your opinion with Applejack unless it's a matter of life or death, such as cookies.
-Spike