Read It Now Reviews #26 – Icky-Sicky Pinkie Pie, Welcome to My Nightmare, Pioneer, Amor, Dial 9-1-1 · 5:55am Mar 17th, 2015
Sometimes, I procrastinate from writing by writing reviews.
This, apparently, is one of those nights.
The stories I read today:
Icky-Sicky Pinkie Pie by ThatOneWriter
Welcome to my Nightmare by Horse Voice
- The Controller
- The Cutie Mark Crusaders Meet H.P. Lovecraft
- It Ain’t Gonna Rain
- The Complete Microfictions of Horse Voice
Pioneer by OleGrayMane
Amor by 314
Dial 9-1-1 by RainbowBob
Icky-Sicky Pinkie Pie
by ThatOneWriter
Romance, Comedy, Slice of LifePinkie wakes up sick one morning, which is just about the worst thing she can think of!
But Fluttershy will be there to make things better. Things are always better with Fluttershy around.
Why I added it: I judged a book by its cover.
Review
Pinkie Pie gets sick, but denies being sick for some reason. Eventually, she is forced to take the day off by the Cakes, and her friends all show up to take care of her... for the sole purpose of using the “everyone leaves the two lovebirds alone with fake excuses joke” which I certainly have never used before. It remains a decent gag, though I think it got drug out a bit longer than it needed to be – part of the comedy of that particular joke is everyone BUT one person getting it immediately, and then the last person being totally oblivious and being the only one who has to be elbowed into having a good excuse. If you have to make more excuses earlier on, it diminishes the impact of the final punchline.
Anyway, Fluttershy is left alone with Pinkie, Pinkie falls asleep, Fluttershy falls asleep, they wake up, Fluttershy kisses Pinkie and runs away, everyone comes back to try and comfort Pinkie the next day, ect. You can probably guess at the overall flow of the story.
Unfortunately, this story has some pretty big problems.
The first problem is that a lot of what happens in it feels like it is a bit forced. The “everyone has to leave” gag, for instance, literally has everyone show up just so that they can leave them alone – it doesn’t really make any sense, as there is no real reason for them to show up en masse in the first place, especially given that Fluttershy showing up on her own wouldn’t even be suspicious. It is a huge part of the core comedy of this – in fact, almost all of the funny in the story comes from Pinkie’s friends – but… it just feels forced.
The second issue is related to the first, in that there’s a lot of the story – particularly the introduction, where Pinkie is sick – which really has not a whole lot to do with anything else, and not a whole lot of payoff. The Cakes are present in the story, but they don’t really have much of a meaningful role in it.
The third, and largest, problem is common problem in shipfics – namely, that these two ponies are kissing more or less because the author wanted them to, what some folks refer to as “alien brain worms”. The story never really told me why it was that Pinkie wanted to kiss Fluttershy, or why Fluttershy wanted to kiss Pinkie – but more to the point, it didn’t make me EMOTIONALLY want Fluttershy and Pinkie to kiss. It just felt kind of awkward, like it was put in and didn’t really accomplish anything for me emotionally. It didn’t make me believe in the ship, or even want to believe in it for the sake of the story.
And lastly… I felt ripped off. The cover art promised Fluttershy being a clown and cheering up Pinkie Pie, and that just never happened. I wanted to read that story. 
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Welcome to My Nightmare
by Horse Voice
Gore, Dark, HumanTales of the strange and uncanny, too short to stand alone.
The Controller — [Dark] Seeking revenge, Adagio enters a partnership with a force she doesn't understand.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders Meet H.P. Fearcraft — [Comedy] The CMC ask an eccentric writer how he found his special talent. (Edited for publication.)
It Ain't Gonna Rain — [Tragedy] The world is ending, and Applejack has something important to tell Rainbow.
The Complete Microfictions of Horse Voice — [Various, Metafiction] Stories short enough to read between breaths.
Why I added it: Horse Voice is a good writer.
Review
The Controller – Adiago has been obeying the commands of The Controller ever since the sirens lost their powers; at first she was reluctant, but now she trusts The Controller to lead her to the point where she can get revenge.
Alas, the name itself pretty much gave away what was happening here to me, but if it doesn’t, you’ll probably think it is interesting, and it is certainly well-written.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders Meet H.P. Fearcraft – The Cutie Mark Crusaders meet a writer with an unusual cutie mark, and he tells the story of how he got it.
I liked this story on the whole; it wasn’t anything super impressive, but somehow, I was nevertheless entertained. It was a little bit vindictive at the end, but I’m sure to some people, that will make it all the better in their eyes.
It Ain’t Gonna Rain – The world is ending, and Rainbow Dash needs to talk to Applejack.
This story did a pretty good job with its imagery, but it is a very nasty little thing – and while Biblical Monsters seemed to have a point, I’m still not sure quite what the point of this was apart from sheer darkness. If you want to read something which is short and nasty, this is a well-written choice, but if you don’t, you won’t enjoy this.
The Complete Microfictions of Horse Voice: As noted, this is a bunch of extremely short stories, too short to merit individual chapters. These are almost all comedic and frequently referential in nature. If you like that sort of thing, you will probably chuckle at a few of these, and the whole collection isn’t very long.
Recommendation:
The Controller: Worth Reading
The Cutie Mark Crusaders Meet H.P. Lovecraft: Worth Reading, especially if you don’t like Diamond Tiara.
It Ain’t Gonna Rain: Not Recommended unless you like really nasty stories.
The Complete Microfictions of Horse Voice: Worth Reading if you like referential humor.
Pioneer
by OleGrayMane
Sad, Slice of LifeSixteen years old and still without a cutie mark, Apple Bloom faces an existential crisis. But a new opportunity presents itself, one that might solve her problem—if she can take the first step.
Why I added it: Cerulean Voice recommended it to me.
Review
Equestria has purchased some land from the griffins for ponies to go and settle on. They need all kinds of ponies, with all kinds of skills, to go there.
But Apple Bloom doesn’t have a cutie mark; she has skills, but no destiny. Her friends are away for the summer, and thus, she drifts to the presentation, the pitch one of the settlers gives to draw more ponies away from mainland Equestria to these new lands.
This is, at its heart, fundamentally a story about Apple Bloom deciding to take a big risk and try something new – become a pioneer in a new land, and abandon her family and everyone she has ever known and loved, for the chance at a new life and finally finding herself.
There’s nothing fancy about the prose, but that’s okay – the core of the story is Apple Bloom’s emotional struggle over whether or not she should leave Equestria and settle down somewhere else. It does a good job of depicting her sense of self-loathing and her desire to lash out because she doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life.
If I had one complaint about this story, it is that it is quite long for what it is. Clocking in north of 12,000 words, the story is pretty slow-paced as it leads the reader through Apple Bloom’s feelings, as well as saying goodbye to her friends and family, questioning her decision, and trying to figure out if this life is a good fit for her. While it never drags too much, and the slow pacing reflects Apple Bloom’s sense of being stuck in a rut, it still feels a bit on the long side.
Recommendation: Worth Reading if you don’t mind long things with a slow burn.
Amor
by 314
Romance, Slice of Life, Rainbow Dash Breaks Her WingSometimes a crash that destroys can create so much more.
Why I added it: It was featured.
Review
Rainbow Dash breaks her wing and Twilight Sparkle nurses her back to health. At the end of Rainbow Dash’s convalescence, Twilight wants Rainbow Dash to stay.
A year later, Twilight leads Rainbow Dash back through their life together, and proposes.
This story is as yet incomplete, but I have to say I’m not terribly enamored with it. A TwiDash story which builds on the most overused (and discredited) of Rainbow Dash tropes, it does at least try to justify Rainbow Dash taking weeks to recover due to having had so many crashes that magic doesn’t work on fixing her bones anymore. Still, the first chapter never really gave me a good sense of why these two characters belonged together, and the shipping at the end of the first chapter felt pretty sudden.
The second chapter takes place a year later, and I still just can’t bring myself to care about their relationship, which has mostly happened off-screen. In the end, I don’t feel like I have any reason to cheer for them getting together, because I just never felt like I really grokked their relationship to begin with.
I don’t know where the story is going, though the author has said that the story is a bunch of snapshots of their lives, but I don’t think I really care, either. I liked some of the ideas about medical magic in the first chapter, but outside of that, this story didn’t really touch me.
Recommendation: Not Recommended
Dial 9-1-1
by RainbowBob
Comedy, Slice of LifeThe mares and stallions of the Ponyville Police Department are sworn to protect and serve their fair community from any danger from outside and within. These dedicated officers are the only thing keeping order in the town, and thus are the first line of defense against any trouble or danger.
Well, usually. Most of the time. Actually, perhaps... maybe. Sometimes? On the off chance probably... not.
As it turns out from these recordings from the emergency dispatch center, the police really suck at their jobs. Who would have guessed?
Why I added it: Bob is a good writer.
Review
The Ponyville Police Department deals with phone calls from its citizenry reporting various events; each chapter depicts a different event. In the case of the first two chapters, the first chapter is for the return of Nightmare Moon, and the second is for the Ursa Minor attack on Ponyville.
The police are, naturally, about as effective as you would expect.
The first chapter was funnier than the second chapter, in part because they fundamentally contain the same joke – i.e. that the police are incapable of dealing with the threat which is being called in, but also because the situation was funnier in the first chapter, I think.
This story is one of those dumb straightforward comedies; if listening to comically incompetent cops try and fail to field phone calls about events which are well beyond what they are capable of dealing with, you will like this. If that sounds stupid to you, then you will hate it.
Recommendation: Worth Reading if you like that sort of thing, but don’t bother if the description doesn’t appeal to you.
Summary
Icky-Sicky Pinkie Pie by ThatOneWriter
Not Recommended
Welcome to my Nightmare by Horse Voice
- The Controller: Worth Reading
- The Cutie Mark Crusaders Meet H.P. Lovecraft: Worth Reading
- It Ain’t Gonna Rain: Not Recommended
- The Complete Microfictions of Horse Voice: Worth Reading
Pioneer by OleGrayMane
Worth Reading
Amor by 314
Not Recommended
Dial 9-1-1 by RainbowBob
Worth Reading
Now, to actually get working on writing something of my own to dispel the illusion of false productivity.
Number of stories still listed as "Read It Later – High Priority": 264
Number of stories listed as “Read It Later”: 1542
Sometimes I read reviews to procrastinate from writing. Tonight is one of those nights.
I'll actually read something because of this review, though, so your time is not wasted.
> I judged a book by its cover
Oh, man, that never works.
I hope at least the scars fade.
2884894
When will I ever learn?
We are all scarred by our passage into this world of ours.
But most folks prefer to call it a bellybutton.
2884899
I hesitate to bring this up, because you might actually take this seriously and waste even more time on research, but now I'm wondering: is there an actual negative correlation between grabby cover art and story quality, or are they unrelated?
My instinct is to say that the sort of author who writes a fic based on grabby art is actually less likely to produce quality work, because the authors willing to invest effort into the story are more likely to have their own visions rather than seeking outside prompts.
2884917
I would guess (but note that this is a pretty blind guess) there is probably a slight positive correlation, because people who choose good cover art are more likely to have good taste, and some folks (Cold in Gardez) draw their own cover art and are actually quite proficient at it, while people who are incapable of distinguishing good art from bad (or who are incapable of recognizing their own art as bad) are more likely to pick out bad art.
That being said, I really have no clue, and there may be no correlation at all. I'd doubt it is likely to be negative, though.
The art for this story was picked afterwards though, not before; he wrote the story, then picked out the cover art.
An obvious test is to just look through your favorites list and see how much bad art there is, and look through new stories and see how much bad art there is, and compare. Looking at my own highly recommended gallery, I only found six pieces of "bad" cover art:
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/156048.png?1388266101
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/218378.jpg?1411405802
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/145318.png?1387113181
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/180633.png?1396834579
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/129877.jpg?1378439844
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/21583.png?1334880241
Compared to the first art from the equivalent amount of recently posted stories:
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/254111.jpg?1426554898
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/252049.jpg?1425602755
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253649.png?1426357189
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/254028.jpg?1426525437
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253820.jpg?1426463085
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/252448.png?1425770088
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253381.png?1426546975 I dunno if I'm being fair here, but I think Spike just looks wrong there.
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/254060.jpg?1426540714
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253933.png?1426476242
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253938.jpg?1426475005
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/252666.jpg?1426273357
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253864.jpg?1426447095
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253776.png?1426397521
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253041.png?1426453559
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/252225.png?1425940736
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253122.jpg?1426444081
So, I'd say there's a weakly positive correlation. Interestingly, a ton of those stories didn't have cover art at ALL, while very few of my favorites did, so there's probably a stronger correlation between "having cover art" and "being good" than there is between "non-bad cover art" and "being good".
But there were only 6 bad bits of cover art in my highly recommended vs 16 in the first 11 pages of new stories. If you're generous, the ratio may be closer to 6:12... but well, whatever, point is, it still seems half as likely that a good story would have bad cover art as would be expected by chance, assuming that these are reasonably representative samples.
2884917
Only 7 of my 105 highly recommended stories had no cover art.
31 of the 105 most recently posted stories had no cover art.
So a story which has no cover art is about 4.5x less likely to be highly recommended by me than would be expected by chance.
2884936
I think I was communicating unclearly, because I was talking about the opposite of "bad" cover art: I meant grabby as in something that is visually arresting, something that draws eyeballs and clicks to the story despite telling you nothing about the prose. This is about "judging a book by its cover" and getting drawn in by the visual flair, as you did with the sick Pinkie Pie one.
I can't imagine that bad and/or screenshot cover art has any particular correlation (as for no art, maybe not including it is a symptom of inexperienced authors? I can't remember the last time an artless story was posted by someone who I follow). However, grabby art might, because there are a fair number of stories out there which were written based on a pic which inspired them, and use that pic as cover art.
2884967
I'm not sure that question is answerable by me; as noted in my blog post, I ran into the problem when it came to "good" cover art as to what "good" meant, because cover art which tells you exactly what to expect is helpful to me as a member of the audience. Is that "good" cover art?
It does seem that bad/no cover art is predictive of not getting on my HR list, though.
2884967
I did try and count. From the 105 latest stories:
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253645.jpg?1426355606 (cute)
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/254124.jpg?1426558049 (Grabbing to its audience)
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/249668.png?1426248101 (Depicts the adventurers in the story)
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/254069.jpg?1426542391 (would be a lot better if fifty thousand other RariJack stories hadn't already used it)
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/252766.jpg?1425923395 (actually got me to read the story)
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253998.jpg?1426503814 (grabbing to its audience)
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/251623.jpg?1425417961 (grabbing to its audience)
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/253955.jpg?1426479040 (works well with title and description; it is on my RIL list)
So... eight stories.
Compared to... 33 from my highly recommended list, but again, that is subject to SEVERE bias because, well, I like those stories.
So, if so, it would suggest that a story with grabbing cover art is 4x more likely than chance to make my HR list.
And the winner of the award for Shortest Time Spent on My RIL goes to...
Because seriously, even if it was just pointless happy fluff, that would have been great. ;_;
I think the solution here is to commission Titanium Dragon to draw your story's cover art. Then he's bound to read it.
2885257
I know, right? That was exactly my thinking.
2885454
Well, I have read 100% of the stories I've drawn cover art for.
Whaaaaat? Say it isn't so...
Can someone write this story? Please? There's an emptiness in my heart now, and I need a Fluttershy wearing clown makeup to fill it.
I cannot agree with thee more.