Throughout the course of his duties duly spent casting a watchful gaze over the princess and her general wellbeing, Silver had never really taken the time to think to any great depth on her intimate personality and quirks; there was simply not the time to indulge in such musings in his pre-concluded existence. Despite this, he liked to think of himself as rather adapt a stringing together a sentence or two, and maybe, just maybe, that would be enough to bring this whole series of events under control. Bolstered by the substances of dubious origin currently introducing themselves to his various bodily functions, Luna’s guest launched headlong into the fray, his brain only one word ahead of his mouth.
“Luna. You are Luna. A mare who once long ago did something that threatened to tear the very world apart. You are the only sister of our monarch, the loving and gracious (added automatically, though perhaps not quite befitting the context, excises caution in future) Celestia, and therefore heir to the throne of Equestria. After your spectacular return from a 1000 year forced hiatus almost three cycles hence, you resumed your former duty as guardian and custodian of the moon, and are responsibly for its daily rise and fall. You have shown yourself to be supremely adaptable to reintegration into your former life, and have served without compare proudly since that time.”
Panting heavily to catch his breath after such a bout of dialog, Silver cautiously considered every tiny detail of his company’s expression. Whether it was a steeled sense of resolve or just a tipsy confidence that fired through his veins, he sat fully ready for whatever it was that came next. Luna’s features softened as though another wave of sadness was forthcoming, then refortified as a deeper resolve presented to make itself heard.
“That is true” came back a toneless, emotionless response in a voice that could have cleaved glass. “All true, and yet……somehow quite wrong”. So this is what they thought of her. She was a curiosity to them, nothing more than a darkened figure to be recorded in forgotten school books and reference material. Vague instances of hope wafted through her mind “He’s just a guard, that’s all that he is obliged to know, the others see who we really are”. “No”, something else retorted, “If he who has followed us so closely does not know, it is foolish to assume that any others do…”. Luna cowered inwardly, finally accepting what she had given to only suspect for so long. “Well”, she concluded, after more than her fair share of lifetimes, she was going to do something about that.
Despite the slight lack of stability in her stance, the sight of Luna’s overbearing form towering over him suddenly made Silver feel very small. In the instant it took her to throw herself from her chair and across the distance between them, the sickle faceted and impossibly black attire of Nightmare Moon had evaporated into existence upon her expanding form. Silver shrunk back as the demigod’s muzzle, only inches from his ear whispered the most obvious thing in the world at this very instant. Her words like ice and daggers, in a voice that was evil in every way. “Are….you….afraid?”
Fear was not something royal guards’ were permitted to feel, years of duty saw quite effectively to that. They had crossed the emptiest’s of wastes, climbed the highest peaks, faced the greatest foes and were the first and last word in the direst of circumstances. The instinct had been all but removed, as the protection of one’s charge trumped any thoughts as selfish as personal preservation. Despite this, for one immeasurable instant, an infinitesimally snippet of a fraction of a second, Silver’s entire body froze. He didn’t need to answer her. She knew that regardless of all reason or logic, he feared her.
“What does it feel like…?” came an innocent filly-like question, far softer than the possibly killing blow Silver was expecting. Slowly he turned his head to look at Nightmare Moon, finding her far closer than he had initially believed. Her eyes were wide and unblinking saucers of white and blue against her dark fur, and the tip of her nose less than an inch from his own. Thoughts of how inappropriate this might look to any intruders were pushed aside as he realized just how easily she could have ended him had his connotations of the seconds before been more accurate.
“Tell us, what does it feel like” the imposing mare repeated, cooing. “E..e..excuse me…?” Silver whispered in a stammer. “We can see it in your eyes, that thing you call fear. We have seen it before, more times than seconds you have lived, in the eyes of more than you could ever believe have existed. They feared us to, just as you do, they shouted, they ran and in the end they simply froze. Now we will ask you one last time. What is it like to feel fear?”
“Surly you know, highness” the perplexed guardstallions breathed softly, unsure whether he should make any motion to increase or decrease the distance between them. “How can we know??” the softening form of Nightmare Moon replied, her voice shuddering slightly as the tension in her stance faded and she lowered herself to be seated on the ground. Though her armor and size still gave no doubt as to her identity, all mullings of evil her form inspired seemingly dissolved, being replaced by nothing but the hurt in her eyes. “We have never once felt fear, we are unsure if we even can. We have inspired so much, and yet cannot even understand what is supposable all we are known for in this age.”
This admission was untrue, it had to be. Everypony felt fear; it was simply a fact of life. But the more Silver Ash ran it through his head, the less certain he became. After all, what did she have to fear? She is an immortal god, his reasoning suggested, gifted with more power than any and all other creatures combined. Only another Ailcorn could ever hope to match her, and as far as he knew, there was only a handful left. There was simply nothing to threaten her and the world could be bent to her whim with a thought. But there had to be more to it than that. Nopony could possibly be so sure of their own abilities as to be devoid of the emotion itself, and besides, there would always be things you could never control.
“You spent a millennia alone, you must have been afraid in that place, just you and eternity?” queried Silver, leaning fractionally closer almost in spite of himself. Luna inhaled sharply, “You just don’t get it, we knew you would never get it, could never understand what we meant” she growled, raising her voice with each successive word. “We cannot be afraid of such things, whether it is the way that all of our kind lives, or if there is indeed just something wrong with us, we do not know. But even in the darkest hours there was nothing but the seething anger of the injustices that had been done, or the pain of loneliness.”
Hoping that a topic which he had been sworn from ever addressing would not break the barley tangible threads that seemed to be tethering Luna’s composure, Silver’s probing continued, his sense of duty and honor being overridden by simply curiosity. “But when your sister came to bestow your banishment, you must have feared her wrath, you must have known what she was capable of?” This struck a chord, though perhaps not the one its initiator had intended. “Ha…” Luna giggled with just the slightest hint of sarcasm. “Do you remember back when you were a young stallion, barely more than a colt, and felt you were invincible? We thought we knew exactly what little high and mighty Celestia was capable of. We had trained against her, and fought alongside her. We knew she was coming for us, and we were more than ready. Oh, we would never have done any permanent damage of course…” the princess trailed off in such a way as to suggest that in the heat of the moment all those years ago this might not have strictly been the complete truth. “When it happened, there was no time for fear. Our confidence was absolute, bolstered by the pure certainty that our actions were justified.”
Losing herself in the flow of her disjointed monolog as much for her own benefit as Silver’s, Luna began to break away from the topics she had intended, her tone becoming almost pleading as though willing herself correct. “You cannot possibly know how it felt; we were young and full of desire to change the world. To be given the power to do anything, the energy of a living god. And then to be told we could never use it, that we must be as our sister, and just do what we must. Perhaps we were too young to understand, or perhaps that’s just who we are, or rather, what we became…”
Snapping her eyes shut, Luna tried rather apparently to return to her previous musings. “It happened instantly. We have always tried to remain resolute in our belief that we knew it coming, but that is a lie. Celestia acted fast, impossibly fast, and thus our years of solitude commenced. But no, there was never fear, just the burning hatred that instead of simply ending us, she had banished us to a hundred lifetimes of mere existence. And for that, for that fact alone, we never feared what was to come.”
Silver sat dumbfounded, slowly studying the gently curves of Luna’s face and muzzle. She had truly never been afraid of anything, never once faulted in her conviction or been scared of the consequences of her actions. Even now, the words she spoke would have in any other situation been tantamount to high treason, and yet, there was no care in her voice, no attempt to shield her thoughts from prying ears. And yet she wanted to know, she wanted it so sincerely. It tore her up inside, that regardless of how she tried to interact with her subjects; she could never truly understand them.
An idea, a stupid, idiotic, worst possible idea began to form in the back of Silver’s racing mind. “No”, every shred of sensibility he possessed sternly interjected, “NONONONONONONO”. The competing force came in the form of the second glass of this strange brownish liquid he had been consuming, almost without noticing. In the end, the second won out, and his marginally intoxicated mind began to assemble that terrible idea into an unworkable plan. He turned; retrieving Luna’s discarded glass from where it lay on the floor, her shimmering gaze following his every move. As he slowly began to refill them from the half empty bottle, those same sensibilities commented sarcastically, “oh well, at least if it goes wrong, you won’t feel a thing...”. Glasses filled, Silver gently replaced the bottle in its upright position, took one long deep breath, then lunged at Luna.