The Real Prologue, Detailing Pinkie Pie's Cocaine Usage
In the magical land of Equestria, one could go to jail for snorting cocaine. However, unlike the United States of America, supposed bastion of freedom and enlightened thinking, you could get a permit that let you snort cocaine, and then you wouldn't go to jail as long as you snorted it responsibly, even if you were a poor zebra living in the bottom tier of Canterlot. Okay, with that hamfisted (Where does that term even come from?) social commentary out of the way, let us begin to delve into this tragic tale of petrification.
Even though drugs were legal and highly regulated in Equestria, most ponies didn't particularly want to deal with them, given their already idyllic saccharine-coated egalitarian balanced socially active lives. It's almost as if when you build up a society rooted in economic justice, availability, and stability for all, social ills tend to largely disappear. Oops I said I wouldn't insert anymore leftist propaganda. My B, fam.
Anyway, most ponies would never touch cocaine.
Most ponies weren't Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie didn't just snort cocaine, she enveloped cocaine. Nay, she became cocaine, so enmeshed in her life and body it was. Not since Snowdrop had a pony loved cocaine so fucking much. You know how Pinkie would dump flour on herself to cheer up the Cake twins? That wasn't flour. That was cocaine. Why do you think Sugar Cube Corner was so popular? It wasn't her perky breasts service and average prices. It was that their shit was addictive as fuck. Okay, so maybe drug culture and consumption in Equestria isn't quite as wholesome and simple as a I first painted it to be. My bad again.
Look, the point is, Pinkie was a fucking cokehead. I'm not being disparaging; her head was literally about 37% cocaine at any one time.
And she had to get that coke from somewhere, right?
