Chapter Five
Anger and Forgiveness
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It’s not like Brass Badge would ever be fond of ponies showing up unannounced, but Princess Celestia’s third unexpected arrival on his doorstep was a particularly sour note. The first time she’d come by like this, it had been to steal his daughter away. The second time had been to deliver the news that she’d managed to lose her. Brass Badge was not eager for a third visit.
And yet, for the third time, she was there on his doorstep. He didn’t even hide his sigh as he invited her in. “Princess Celestia. It’s been a while.”
And it had been. Brass Badge was retired from his military career, and his fondness of Celestia had eroded, leaving them with little reason to speak.
“Yes, it has. I hope these past few years have been kind to you?” Celestia spoke warmly. She seemed to be in a good mood today, although Brass Badge couldn’t see it as a good thing.
“I make do.” Brass Badge could have offered his sitting room to his guest or arranged for refreshments to be brought for them. He did neither. “To what do I owe this visit?”
“Is Golden Lace home? I should tell both of you.”
“I’m here,” Golden Lace said as she entered the room. “I thought I heard your voice, Princess.”
Celestia smiled and nodded. “I won’t keep you waiting in suspense. Sunset Shimmer has made contact with Princess Twilight, who has spent the past three days in the world Sunset Shimmer now lives in.”
Although her grin suggested she expected them to be thrilled about this development, Brass Badge just frowned. “And yet she didn’t bring her back?”
Celestia’s smile faded. “You must understand, Sunset has lived there for over eleven years now – long enough to have made a new life for herself. We can not know if she still wishes to return to us.”
Of course. That was just it, wasn’t it? Sunset had made her choice, and it seemed she was sticking to it.
“Is that all the news there is then?” Brass Badge made a show of checking his pocket watch.
Celestia looked taken aback. “I… thought you’d be happy at the news.”
“Hmph.” Brass Badge tucked the watch back into his jacket pocket. “We knew she was alive, didn’t we? You led me to believe there was no reason to worry about her safety, so this confirmation means little.”
“It is good to hear she is well,” Golden Lace said with all the enthusiasm of hearing good news about a stranger. “Thank you for telling us, Princess.”
Celestia frowned. She looked as if she might say something, then she sighed and turned away. “I see you are still angry about all that has happened. I just thought… it’s been so long, perhaps your opinion might have softened.”
“There is nothing to change my opinion about,” Brass Badge said. “I thank you for the news, but if that is all, then I believe it would be best for you to be on your way.”
“As you wish.” Celestia turned and left the house, closing the door behind her.
As usual, Brass Badge didn’t say anything to his wife. He instead climbed the stairs and made his way to his study. It had long since become his retreat from the world around him, and tonight it would be the same. He closed the door to shut out everything else, and he sighed. He felt so old.
Slowly, he walked across the room and took a seat at his desk. The drawers of the desk held many secrets. Things that were vital to Equestria’s ongoing safety, things that would be detrimental if they fell into the wrong hooves.
Towards the bottom, there was a seldom-used drawer. That held a secret too. Brass Badge opened it.
Inside, there were various documents and records. Essays Sunset had written at various ages, awards she had been given. The drawer was where Brass Badge locked away his sentimentality, the proof that no matter what he said, he could never stop caring about his daughter.
There was a picture in a frame, which he pulled out. They didn’t have very many photographs. They were not sentimental ponies, not generally. But he did keep a few, keepsakes of a better time. He stared at Sunset Shimmer, aged fifteen, shortly before her betrayal as she left to go live with Celestia.
She wasn’t smiling. All the same, she didn’t look unhappy. Brass Badge had always taken it as a given that she understood him, knew that he was only doing what he thought was best for her.
But… if she had really understood, she never would have gone with Celestia that night. She never would’ve run away all those years ago. And she would have come back when she had the chance.
No, Sunset didn’t understand, and not for the first time, Brass Badge had to ask himself how much that was his own fault.
Things could change quickly, Brass Badge had learned that. He had first learned that lesson on the battlefield, seeing firsthoof exactly how fast the tides of combat could change, and he had later learned it in his personal life as well.
How things changed was always a surprise. He hadn’t expected running into his wife lounging in the sitting room would mark another significant change, but as had happened before and as would happen again, he was surprised.
It wasn’t Golden Lace that brought about the change, not really. It was the magazine she was reading. She passed it to Brass Badge as he entered, much to his confusion. He had never once cared about tabloid magazines. “What is this?”
“Just look at the cover story,” Golden Lace said, so he did.
What he saw shocked him more than words could express. The mare on the cover with Princess Luna was much older than he was used to her being, but was still undeniably Sunset Shimmer. They had a photograph of his daughter in present day. She was back in Equestria, and this was how he found out about it.
He tore open the magazine and flipped to the page with the story. His eyes scanned the story so fast that he barely comprehended it, gleaning that not only was she apparently back, she was dating Luna.
She’d come back. His daughter had come back to Equestria.
But not back to him. If she was back, and clearly she had to be, she had not reached out to her parents.
He set the magazine down. “This is the first you’re hearing of this?”
“Yes,” Golden Lace said. “No one’s mentioned Sunset’s come back to me either.”
Brass Badge took a deep breath. “I’m going to the castle to find out about this.”
“I thought you might.” Golden Lace stretched out on the couch she was lounging on. “As for me, I’m staying right here. Do let me know what you find out when you’re back.”
Brass Badge didn’t comment. If his wife couldn’t care about their daughter when she was living with them, what hope would there be now?
Besides, he had more important things to focus on. Brass Badge left the manor and hailed a taxi, ordering the driver to take him to the castle.
Whether or not Sunset was really dating Luna, the two were photographed together. And if Luna knew Sunset, that meant Celestia knew she was back as well. Years of showing up unannounced with nothing but bad news, and here was what Brass Badge had been waiting on all along!
The taxi drove Brass Badge to the castle and he paid the driver, then climbed the steps. Outside he was met with guards, who no doubt planned on telling him the castle was closed to the public for the night, but changed their mind when they saw who he was.
Brass Badge made his way into the castle without incident. He knew the way to Celestia’s office, which is where he assumed he’d find her. It was too early for her to have retired for the night, and besides, she was known to work late.
He was first stopped not by a guard, but by a mare he didn’t recognize. She was a young white unicorn with brown hair. She smiled as she saw him, however, suggesting that she knew who he was. “General Badge. Princess Celestia said you might stop by.”
“Did she now?” Brass Badge frowned. So Celestia expected this… She had willfully kept this secret from him, he was certain of it now. “I’d like to speak with her.”
“Of course. Just one moment.” The mare left her desk for and walked into the next room. There were a few minutes of waiting, and then she returned with Celestia in tow.
“Princess,” Brass Badge said with irritation dripping in his voice.
“Greetings, General. Please, come in and we can talk.”
Brass Badge followed Celestia into the office, taking a seat on one side of her desk while she sat at the other.
“You knew I would be coming, then?” Brass Badge asked.
“I suspected you would. Especially since Luna and Sunset have become friends. I love my sister dearly, but she does not know how to keep her private life, well, private.”
“So she is back then?”
Celestia smiled. “Was there a doubt? I assume you must have seen the news, if we are to be generous and call such magazines news.”
“Then you know what I’m here to ask.”
“I do, and the answer is no.”
Brass Badge arched an eye. “Pardon?”
“No, you may not see her.”
Brass Badge narrowed his eyes. “What right do you have to decide something like that?”
“None at all. Sunset Shimmer is a grown mare.” Celestia leaned forward. “If she wanted to see you, she could have done so by now. Regardless of my own feelings on the matter, I will respect her wishes.”
“You say this as if your own feelings are in my favor,” Brass Badge said skeptically.
“It’s more complicated than that, I’m afraid.” Celestia closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, they seemed to bore into Brass Badge’s soul. “I do think it would be best for all of you if you could reach some sort of mutual understanding of one another, but as I’ve come to realize, the feelings among your family aren’t so much complicated as they are wholly negative. There will always be a part of me that would like for Sunset to reach out for you, but there is also a part of me who thinks that would only cause more pain.”
“She is my daughter!”
“And you’ve done an awful job as her father.”
Brass Badge’s mouth fell open. Never would anypony dare state that opinion so brazenly in his presence. Perhaps none but Celestia ever could.
“Now then, is there anything else I can help you with?” Celestia asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.
Brass Badge stood up, outraged but helpless, and he marched out of her office without another word. From there, he made his way out of the castle completely. He considered staying and asking around until he found Sunset’s room, but something Celestia said resonated with him.
If Sunset had wanted to see him, she could have done so easily. No, she had made her decision, and he wouldn’t force her hoof. Why would he? What use did he have for a daughter who left him time and again?
Knowing that he may well never see his daughter again, Brass Badge made his way home.
Brass Badge had been in a foul mood for weeks. Learning that Sunset was back in Equestria should have been something to lift his spirits, but the details of that fact only served to eat at him.
So when somepony rang the doorbell in the middle of the night, Brass Badge was reluctant to get up to answer it. He did anyway – although he was long retired, there was always the chance this was an emergency.
Still, he opened the door with a harsh glare and harsher words. “Do you have any idea what time…”
He trailed off as he noticed who was on the other side. Two mares, one of whom he didn’t recognize, and another of whom he did.
“Hello, Dad, can we come in?” Sunset asked, a confident smile on her face.
“Hmph.” He stepped aside to allow them in, instantly taking note of the fact that it was ‘Dad’ and not ‘sir’ as she had been raised.
He examined her inside. She looked well, but Brass Badge couldn’t help but feel angry at the sight of her. He knew she had shown up as a last resort, he just didn’t know why. “You’re alive, then.”
“I am. I’m assuming Princess Celestia told you where I was?”
“Of course she did,” Brass Badge said.
Attracted by the noise no doubt, Golden Lace entered the room and stared at her daughter in surprise. “Sunset?”
“Mom.” Sunset nodded. The message that she was done showing them the signs of respect was clear. It was Mom and Dad now, not ma’am and sir. “Let me get to the point. My friend and I were hoping to stay here for the night.”
Brass Badge turned his attention to Sunset’s friend. She was a brown pegasus with tan spots and a mane so short it looked like a colt’s. “Just one night?”
“We’ll be gone in the morning,” Sunset said.
Golden Lace frowned at the other mare. “I thought you were dating Princess Luna.”
“Why would you…” Sunset looked at her friend and facehoofed. “They actually printed that stupid story. No, I’m not dating Luna. I am bisexual though, if you care about that sort of thing.”
Brass Badge didn’t care one way or another about that, but he did question Sunset’s taste in mares if this one was any indication. “I can’t see why that should interest me. There is a legacy behind your name, and so long as you court somepony worthy of it, nothing else matters.”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”
“So, tell me,” Golden Lace said awkwardly, “now that you’re back, what do you plan to do with your life?”
Sunset frowned slightly as she answered. “I’m going to be working with Princess Twilight on a new field of study. Combining magic with technology. There’s a lot of potential for some huge breakthroughs.”
At least that was a promising answer, so Brass Badge nodded his approval. If this was all they were to one another, just three ponies connected to the same legacy, then at least in that none of them would be disappointed.
Golden Lace nodded as well. “Very well. I’m sure you’re quite aware what time it is, so you’ll excuse us if we leave you to yourselves. I trust you can find the guest rooms?”
“I’m sure we’ll manage,” Sunset said.
Brass Badge wanted to say something, he just… wasn’t sure what. In the end, there just weren’t any words that could express how he felt, not now, not after all the years.
“Very well then,” was all he could manage before departing for the master bedroom, his wife following behind.
She didn’t say anything until they were upstairs, standing outside the master bedroom. “I’m surprised you didn’t say anything else.”
“There was nothing else to say.”
Brass Badge entered his bedroom while his wife entered her own. They had long since dismissed the formality of sharing a bedroom simply because they were married. He walked over to his bed and lay down, thoughts running through his head.
“And you’ve done an awful job as her father.”
Those had been Celestia’s words to him, and they were all he could think about. They had to be true, otherwise why would his own daughter only come see him in the middle of the night when she had nowhere else to go?
Brass Badge rolled over and tried to sleep, but all he could hear in his head were Celestia’s words. He had been an awful father, and the proof was right downstairs.
He probably should have left immediately. Golden Lace had gone back to their hotel room, after all. Her dress was covered in cake and Sunset had just very publicly humiliated them in front of everypony. Really there was no reason to stick around.
But Brass Badge wasn’t looking forward to being alone in a hotel room with his wife, so he had lingered. He’d decided to avoid the festivities and just stay outside of the building where the royal wedding reception was taking place.
Princess Twilight was now wed to Princess Fluttershy. It was a time of rejoice amongst ponies, or it would be, were they not more concerned with the uncharacteristic fact that the newly wedded wives were also dating a third pony. Sunset Shimmer may not have been married to the princesses, but she was their marefriend, and many ponies were not happy about that.
Brass Badge did not have strong feelings on that type of thing. He had familiarized himself with these polyamorous relationships, as they were called, so that he would not say something foolish in front of the triad. And then before he could speak with them at all, Sunset had thrown a cake across a crowded room and hit Golden Lace's dress before admonishing her parents publically.
It had not been a good day.
And so Brass Badge didn’t want to run into anypony, least of all his daughter and her marefriends, but that was exactly what he did. Thankfully, he saw them without any of them seeing him. Sunset was lying on the ground, likely staining a very expensive dress, and both of her marefriends were lying down with her. Princess Fluttershy was lying on top of her, while Princess Twilight was by their side.
He didn’t want to speak with them, so he turned around. But before he could go, he heard Sunset’s voice. “Hope there were some good pictures of the big kiss.”
It was unmistakably Sunset’s voice, but it sounded different than he’d ever heard it. There was something there that wasn’t usually present when his daughter talked.
“You do?” Princess Twilight asked playfully. “You got to see it.”
“That’s why I want pictures!” Sunset said excitedly, and Brass Badge realized what it was. She sounded happy. In his entire life, he’d never once heard Sunset sound happy. “It was only the best thing ever!”
He looked back in time to see Fluttershy laugh. “You see us kiss all the time though.”
Sunset was smiling. He had seen her smile before, but only seldom, and never this genuinely. “Yeah, it’s another thing I’ll never get tired of.”
Fluttershy giggled. “Well then, in that case…” She pulled her new wife closer and kissed her, all while Sunset beamed at the two of them.
They were in love, that was obvious. But there was much more than that. Sunset was happy. She was actually genuinely happy, and Brass Badge… wasn’t there for it. He was only seeing it now as an outside observer because he happened upon a scene at a wedding he suspected he only got invited to as a formality.
He turned away and left. He didn’t want to disturb the lovers.
Three years later, and Brass Badge was at another wedding for his daughter. This time, however, it was her own wedding.
He was sitting beside his own wife, and that made him think. Three years into their marriage, they couldn’t stand each other. Sunset, on the other hoof, had waited that long before even deciding to wed. The years had made him bitter and cynical on the subject of marriage, but maybe this one would be different.
He looked up at the altar and noticed Luna had taken the spot at the center of it. Brass Badge frowned slightly. He had assumed Celestia would be the one presiding over the wedding.
Moments later, music started as the door behind them opened. Brass Badge turned to look, as did everyone else in attendance. A young filly hopped down the aisle spreading flowers, to the amusement of much of the audience. Soon after, a young colt came out as well, carrying the wedding tokens on a pillow.
And then after a few moments of hesitation, two other ponies walked out. Sunset was expected, although the crown atop her head took Brass Badge – and everypony else – by surprise. She was slow at first, requiring a nudge to get her going.
Far more surprising was the pony providing that nudge. Princess Celestia stood beside Sunset, guiding her along as they walked down the aisle. During the previous royal wedding, Luna had been the one to walk Princess Fluttershy down the aisle to her betrothed. Brass Badge had never understood why, but the reason Celestia filled that role for Sunset was obvious.
And, he supposed, perhaps it was about time that Sunset had a parental figure worthy of her love.
Sunset stared at her hooves as she walked, causing Brass Badge to frown slightly. ‘Pick your head up.’
Moments later, Sunset did just that, and Brass Badge smiled as Sunset walked the rest of the way with her head held high.
Not that it had anything to do with him. No, Sunset’s fire was not a result of all the times he pushed her. It was because of Celestia, the mare who had stood beside her time and again just as she did now. It was because of the mares she was marrying, who seemed to give her strength and no doubt made her happy.
Sunset was not who she was because of him, she was who she was despite him. So many times, Brass Badge had threatened to tear down the mare he cared about more than any other, and it took until now for him to see that.
He felt a strange surge of emotion. It almost felt like pride, though he knew now that he only had reason to feel shame when his daughter was involved.
But perhaps it was pride, in a sense. Not pride in himself, not pride at a job well done. But pride in her, that she could be strong enough to endure through the life she’d been forced into and found a way to be happy despite of it.
As Luna started her speech, Brass Badge bowed his head. In shame or in respect, he did not know, but he bowed his head and watched as droplets fell on his hooves.
They got into Canterlot late. Needless to say, they hadn’t been invited to stay at the castle following the wedding. They hadn’t stayed for much of the reception at all this time, exchanging a few words with Celestia, offering the brides their congratulations, then leaving to make the evening train to Canterlot.
It had been the plan all along. They knew they were invited as a formality, not because they were wanted there. But in the end? Brass Badge was grateful for the excuse. He didn’t want to stay, didn’t feel like he had the right to.
But what were they to do now that they were home? When they had made the plans, Brass Badge had intended to just sleep once they were home. He was approaching his seventieth birthday, and he did not have the stamina of a young stallion.
But he decided sleep was unlikely to come after the events of the evening. So instead he did something he did not do often enough – he proposed to do something with his wife.
“Shall we get a drink before bed?”
She looked at him in surprise, and he understood easily enough. It was unlike him to offer. He even thought she might refuse, but she didn’t. “Sure, a drink sounds nice.”
They made their way to the minibar, where Brass Badge mixed them both cocktails. Once he served them both, he took a seat beside Golden Lace. “Cheers,” they both said, then each sipped their drinks.
“Guess that’s it for weddings for us,” Golden Lace said with a smirk. “Unless they decide three ponies in one marriage isn’t enough.”
“It is certainly unconventional,” Brass Badge said, sipping on his cocktail.
Golden Lace chuckled. “I bet you hate that, huh?”
“No.” Brass Badge had his doubts about the nature of their relationship when he first heard about it, but they had all gone away when he had seen the three of them at the first wedding. “No, I’m happy for them.”
“Huh. You’re full of surprises today.” Golden Lace shrugged and downed her drink.
“What about you?” Brass Badge asked, turning to face her properly. “What do you think of this whole marriage?”
“Honestly?” Golden Lace stood up to mix herself another drink. “I think they’re just opening themselves up to public hatred. You saw the protesters at the last wedding. This one would’ve been worse if the whole ceremony hadn’t been kept a secret.”
“You don’t think it’s worth it for love?” Brass Badge sipped on his drink, drinking it much slower than his wife had done with hers.
She was quiet for a moment, silently mixing her cocktail. She shook the ingredients in a cocktail shaker, then poured it into her glass. Only when she was sitting down again did she answer him. “Do you really want to talk to me about what love is worth?” she asked doubtfully.
He finished his own cocktail as he thought of that. He knew what she was getting at, and while he no longer had feelings tied up in that answer, he suspected she still did. So instead of answering her question, he just answered his own. “I think it’s worth it.”
“Hmm, full of surprises.” She gestured to his empty glass. “Want another?”
“No.” He stood up. There was no longer much difference in age between his wife and himself, but she was still ten years younger. “I’m too old for this. I’m going to bed.”
“I’ll probably turn in after this one too. Good night.”
He nodded at her, then took a step away. He stopped before leaving the room, however, and he turned back to her. “I know you don’t love me. I don’t know if you ever did, but I know you haven’t for a long time. And I’m sure you know it’s the same for me too.”
“You’re not just realizing this, are you?”
“No. But what I am realizing is that I forgive you. Every rotten thing you’ve done to me over the years, every cold shoulder, and yes, coming home with another stallion’s child. I realize now that I no longer care. I don’t know if my forgiveness means a damn to you, and it shouldn’t after all the rotten things I’ve put you through as well, but if it does, you have it.”
Golden Lace scoffed. “Do you think that makes up for it all?”
“No. I was at least as bad as you. I was probably worse. I don’t think there is any making up for it. But too many times I’ve failed to speak my mind unless it was to make things worse, and if anyone deserves me to try and for once make something better, I suppose you’ve suffered more than anyone else because of me and my ways.”
Golden Lace drank her cocktail. “Good night, Brass.”
He nodded at his wife. “Good night, Lace.”