//------------------------------// // The Challenge // Story: A Discordic Adventure // by GeekCat //------------------------------// “...and that’s when I first learned about my Pinkie Sense,” Pinkie said to Discord as they walked up a hill. “Mhmm, fascinating,” he said with a nod, having ignored about ninety percent of what she had been saying. “First, what happened to the ‘humming only’ agreement? Second...when are we going to actually get to this place?” “I don’t know,” she said. “But the story wasn’t just about ponies...it had rocks! Also…” She dashed ahead of him, pausing at the top of the hill. “We’re here!” “Really?” he said, walking a little bit faster. He paused when he was by her side. True to her word, there was a city visible in the distance. It was built of a white stone that shimmered in the sun, a tower-like castle rising up and over the orderly paved streets and buildings below. “It looks...so…” he said, his eyes widening...right before he scowled, sticking out his tongue. “Clean and orderly. Ugh.” “Oh, yeah!” she said cheerfully. “I haven’t spent a huge amount of time inside, but it’s pretty well-organized! Things are kept clean, there are rules for the citizens to follow...Lord Tirek runs a pretty tight ship, from what I’ve seen.” “Ugh,” he repeated. “Don’t say anything else...just the thought of all that order…” He gagged, his nose wrinkling. “Are you going to be okay going in?” Pinkie asked, sounding concerned. “And do you need lemon-lime soda for your nausea? I might have some lemon-lime soda.” She reached into her mane. “No, no soda,” he said, holding up a hand and shaking his head. “And...I’ll be fine. I just have to disregard rules and authority, not follow their orderly patterns, and take care of this quickly.” He paused, then stroked his beard, a wicked grin on his face. “Unless you know of a way to ambush this ‘Tired-Wreck’ outside of the town limits…” “Nope, sorry!” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in person, anyway! Just a lot of statues and engravings.” He sighed. “I guess we have no choice but to go in, then,” he said, standing up straight. He began to head towards the city. Tall walls of polished white stone surrounded the city, with empty walkways on the top clearly meant for guards to patrol across, keeping everything orderly and whatever else guards did. Fortunately, the side of the city Pinkie had guided him to had a small door in the wall, with a small empty booth next to it, and long ropes laid out to organize a nonexistent queue. “Huh,” Pinkie said as they reached the ropes. “That’s odd. Usually there’s some guards out, or someone in the booth, even if there isn’t a line…” Discord just shrugged, walking into the ropes and pushing them over, not even bothering to acknowledge their presence as they toppled. “Oh well,” he said with a sigh. “As much as I do love causing a good panic, it makes it easier for us to get inside.” His gaze flicked over the wall, hoping to spot anything out of the ordinary, even just a crack or a smudge of paint. But there were only bland, monochrome posters next to the door, laying out a few city rules.  “‘No magic inside the walls of the city’,” he read from the signs. “‘Surrender all magical items at the front gate’...what does this monarch have against magic, anyway?” He crossed his arms, his voice dripping with disdain. “I dunno!” Pinkie said, bouncing over the ropes he hadn’t knocked over. “I heard rumors that he loves having magic of his own, though.” “Ah, the classic case of jealousy,” he said, shaking his head. “If he can’t have all of something, no one else is allowed to even think about it.” “I guess!” she said. She stopped at the turnstile and pushed, but it didn’t budge. “Hey...I think this is locked.” “I guess they don’t want creatures sneaking in with no one manning the front gate,” he said, peering into the empty booth. Plain and dull, with only a box for bits and a few pamphlets that probably went on and on about how lovely and perfect and delightfully boring the kingdom was. “Except, oh yes...you can crawl under these.” “Are you sure we don’t have to pay for access?” she asked. “Who cares?” he said. “No one’s here to say otherwise.” Pinkie looked guilty, but bent over backwards and limboed under the turnstile. He walked up to them once she was through, and looked over the metal bars and the stone ground below. There was no way he was letting that touch his fur. It looked so...polished and orderly. And so, he grabbed the bar. With a spark of magic, he bent the metal bar upwards so that it was sticking straight up. “There,” he said, strolling through unimpeded. “That’ll teach them to have lax security.” “You couldn’t have done that before I went through?” Pinkie asked, now back on her hooves. “I could have,” he said. “But hey, at least you got the chance to practice your limbo.” She pursed her lips. “I guess it would be good to get back in practice before limbo contests start up again.” She looked up at him. “Say...have you heard of any limbo contests happening around here?” “How should I know?” he said with a shrug, walking down the paved street. “So...where are we heading? I’m assuming the large castle in the center, because where else would a monarch be...unless you’re going to surprise me with another suggestion?” “Nope!” she said, bouncing ahead and looking around. “The streets are more quiet than normal...usually there’s someone out on the street.” She paused in the middle of the street, putting a hoof to her chin in thought. “I don’t think there’s a holiday or anything today…” “Maybe it’s an event you weren’t invited to,” he snarked. “Not that I would blame him.” He walked past her, glancing every which way and scanning the streets. They were quiet, in a way that was almost eerie...it didn’t help that there seemed to be signs plastered on every other building, filled with all sorts of rules. No magic, no magical items, no potion brewing, no causing a disturbance, no littering...he stuck his tongue out. “Has this ‘kingdom’ always been like...this?” “For as long as Tirek’s been around, yep!” Pinkie replied. “There’s lots of strict rules, especially for ponies who want to live here!” Discord scoffed, tearing off one ‘no magic’ rule flyer, crumpling it into a ball and tossing it over his shoulder. “Because just telling someone not to do something is obviously going to work,” he said. “Well...that, and having lots of trained guards. Plus a system that keeps the citizens watching each other, enforcing the rules in an effort to earn more favor or freedom,” Pinkie said, picking up the flyer and lobbing it towards a trash can. It rolled around the rim a few times before finally falling in, while Discord stared blankly at her. “But all it does is keep the current rules in place, using the citizens as tools and giving rewards that don’t really make anyone happy at the end of the day…” He shook himself out of it, pressing a claw against her lips. “I don’t need a lesson in political theory, thanks,” he said dryly. “Aww, but I still remember what my sister told me…” she pouted. “She took it as a gen-ed working on her rocktorate.” “Still don’t care,” he said, pacing further down the street, getting ever closer to the castle. She pouted a little more, but still followed behind him. The streets were just as empty the further they went, although there was something going on closer to the castle that he couldn’t quite pick up. Every so often, he would tear down some sort of rule-enforcing flyer that he found particularly egregious. His last stop was just a block away from the castle, in front of a statue of a tall centaur with large horns, looking down on anyone in the streets with an ancient crown on his head. After a few moments of thought, as Pinkie continued further ahead, Discord snapped his fingers. The crown turned into a silly balloon hat, and a pink, fuzzy mustache grew on the statue’s upper lip. He smiled and chuckled to himself, turning and following the pink annoyance. With just another block of walking, the two of them quickly approached the towering castle. The first thing Discord heard upon nearing the castle of this Lord ‘Tired-Wreck’ (who was obviously compensating for something, because his entire kingdom just screamed ‘look at how important I am!’), was a voice projecting itself out to what he assumed was a crowd of people.  “That champion shall have the honor--no, no--the privilege, to go forth and rescue the Princess Fluttershy, from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.” Discord rolled his eyes so hard that it was a miracle they stayed in their sockets. Ugh. Monarchies. He was thankful that at least he was here. His inconvenient little journey here, complete with the annoying little pink accessory pony, was nearly over. “Let the tournament begin!” he heard Lord Tirek shout. The lord’s ringing voice made Discord’s sensitive ears twitch as he stepped out onto the cobblestones, and found that he was right. He had definitely been speaking to a crowd. A rather huge one. “Woah!” Pinkie marveled as she hopped onto the street herself. “Is this a party!? Oh, I love parties!” But Discord’s muscles ever-so-slightly tensed at the sound of gasping, a noise he was far too familiar with to associate them with lame pony parties. He looked around, though he didn’t need to bother. He knew what caused the gasping. “I don’t think this is a party, Pinkie…” he said, watching as the knighted ponies and creatures slowly reached for their weapons, their eyes still trained on him. Tirek gasped. “What IS that? It’s hideous!” Discord tracked the voice now to match it with a face, and looked at Tirek.  "Now, that's rude," he said, gesturing at Pinkie Pie. "It's just an earth pony!" But Tirek already had a hungry look in his eyes. “Knights!” he shouted, standing and thrusting a pointed finger at Discord. “New plan! The one to kill the dragoney-kiss will be named champion!” Discord nodded. Ah, there we go. NOW they were getting into more familiar territory. “First of all,” Discord said. “It’s pronounced drah-kahn-eh-kwiss’. If you’re going to attempt to kill me to make me the most fabulous mount on your kill wall, then at least say it right. Second, come now! Can’t we just settle down, and talk this over with a pint of delicious cider?” he said, backing up and picking up a wooden mug, turning on the tap with the cider. He glanced at the crowd, and the knights didn’t seem interested in their cider today. Instead, they now looked determined, shouting dumb things like “kill the beast!” and “let’s get him!” But Discord only grinned, glancing down at the earth mare who was backed up next to him. “Pinkie? I take it back.”  He then shoved his elbow into the keg, bursting it open. Using his magic, the cider jetted out and hit several of the nearest targets. When it splashed on the floor, he snapped his fingers, turning it into cider-flavored ice, causing several knights to slip and crash onto the floor. “Let’s party!” “Whoo-hoo! Yeah!  Rumble party!” Pinkie cheered, before reaching  behind her back. Discord had to admit, even he was impressed when the mare took out a huge cannon out of nowhere. (And slightly unsettled.) “Who wants a taste of my confetti cannon?!?”  She yanked on the rope to activate it, and it exploded confetti out so quickly that it sent more knights careening into the air. “Pinkie!” Discord gaped. “What the… Why didn’t you use that when creatures were trying to sell you back at my place?!” “‘I dunno!” was all she said before she sent another boom of confetti in another direction. Discord just sighed and shrugged, stepping causally to the side as a knight lunged towards him, going for a surprise attack. Discord tripped him over with his foot, before levitating a red banner. “But if this is a party, let’s at least make it a five-star smoozefest! Let’s roll out the red carpet, shall we?!?” And with that, he rapidly unfurled the banner, making it smack a few knights as he did so, and then used it to curl around several knights within it like a lasso. He released them by whipping them out, sending them whirling out in tornados. And the crowd was loving it. They were even… rooting for them?    Discord, his chest puffing in pride, took a bow. “Thank you, thank you! Hmm, perhaps this crowd isn’t as boring as they usually are! ¡Muchas Gracias! Please, yes, don't stop the praise! I’ll be here ‘till Thursday, try the haydogs!” He laughed. The crowd continued to applaud, and he drank in the praise. With a few snaps of his fingers, some of the cider puddles rose to life and wrestled the few standing knights into submission. This was how things should be—plenty of chaos, creatures admiring him, a tugging on his tail… Wait. That last one was less than ideal. He glanced down, and saw that Pinkie was standing close to his legs, and had grabbed onto his tail and started tugging to get his attention. “Ugh,” he said, whipping his tail out of her grip. “What is it?” “Discord!” Pinkie said, blinking rapidly as her hooves shivered. “My Pinkie Sense is going off!” “Right now?” he said. “What exactly is it saying to you this time?” “To beware of sharp objects,” she said. She gasped and pointed upwards. “Like those ones!” She dove behind him, peeking out from around his legs as he glanced up to where she had pointed. On the walls high above them, what appeared to be a small army had gathered, each member aiming a crossbow directly at them. He just rolled his eyes and raised his paw into a snapping position. “Really?” he said, raising his voice. “You think a couple hundred arrows are going to scare me, after what I just did to your...I think you called them ‘knights’, but I’m not convinced about that.” He heard some creature off to the side moaning and whining for help, and he gestured over to them, raising an eyebrow. “Just try it!” he said. “I’ll bet my magic can work faster than you can shoot...are you all willing to bet yourselves, and this whole area, on that I’m wrong?” He raised his paw a little higher, bringing his fingers closer together. He couldn’t help but grin a little when he saw a few of the soldiers flinch. No one seemed willing to fire first. The soldiers turned towards Lord Tirek, who was regarding Discord with a thoughtful expression. One of the knights asked him something, but the centaur waved him off. “I have a better idea…” he seemed to mutter. Raising his voice, he announced to the crowd, “Creatures of Duloc! I give you...our champion!” “What?” Discord said, glancing around to see if one of the knights had managed to get to their feet. But no, it was just him and Pinkie standing there, which meant… “Oh, you have got to be kidding,” he groaned. “Congratulations, dracon-kiss,” Tirek said. “You’ve won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest—for me!” Discord rolled his eyes. “Drah-kahn-eh-kwiss,” he emphasized, scratching the back of his neck. “And...how about no? I’m allergic to honor, and I’m certainly not in the mood to do you any favors...especially since I’m busy on a quest of my own, to get my dimension back!” “Your...dimension?” Tirek said. “Yes!” Discord shouted back. “My dimension! You dumped a bunch of magical creatures in there, remember? I want them out!” “And freed!” Pinkie added. The crowd murmured. Verko approached Tirek along the wall and whispered something to him. Discord’s ear twitched in their direction, and a little magic made his voice crystal clear. “—easiest place to put them,” he was saying. “Since we couldn’t capture the draconequus and get him out…”  Tirek frowned and waved him away. “Yes...your dimension. The door to it was in the woods?” Discord nodded. “Alright...why don’t we make a deal. Go on this quest for me, and you’ll have your dimension back.” “And the ponies? And magical creatures?” Pinkie asked. “Won’t be of concern to you,” Tirek said. Pinkie frowned, and was about to say something, but Discord waved a hand in front of her, gesturing to stay quiet. He frowned in thought, stroking his beard as he weighed his options. “Alright, I’ll bite,” he said. “Exactly what kind of quest do you want me to go on?”