//------------------------------//
// Starlight Glimmer 
// Story: Second Thoughts 
// by starcoder 
//------------------------------//

I hate myself. I'm a monster. A monster who starts a village and convices it to live in a way that makes her more powerful than everypony else. A monster who removes the cutie mark of a literal princess and shows no hesitation whatsoever. A monster who travels back in time and almost traps herself and the monster in the past, but also creates alternate, desolate worlds and worlds that have even been at war. Forever. I'm a plain monster.

I peer from the rock I'm hiding behind. Seeing that everypony is distracted and won't notice me, I sneak past the village (like the criminal I am) and walk along a path I know all too well. I shouldn't have known it in the first place. After all, I can be dangerous—to extreme levels, even—when I get what I want. My steps slow down as every hoofstep feels heavier and heavier until it's near impossible to walk anymore. My steps slow way, way down. But I'm almost at the entrance. I should be able to make it. But for some reason, I have a nagging feeling as if something's tugging back at my heart and that I should just go back to Ponyville. I shake off the feeling and push myself to walk a few extra steps into the cave.

When I finally make it, I frown as if something's missing. But what could it be? I shake my head and decide to just ignore the feeling. Looking outside, I realize that it's almost nighttime. I sit down on the frosty snow and lie down on it, and even cover my whole body, save my head, in the snow. I close my eyes, shivering like crazy. But I accept it. After all, I'm a monster who doesn't deserve a bed. Having a place to even stay in is amazing when you consider what I've done.

I stay there, becoming colder by the minute. It eventually gets so unbearable that I can barely think straight. I sit up slowly and yawn, turning my head towards where I used to keep my town's cutie marks. The glass is broken, just like my heart is. It hurts to see the shards there, a reminder of my dark past.

Grabbing the shards with my magic, I put them together like a puzzle and join them with a simple binding spell. I shouldn't have done that, though. Seeing the glass in its place reminds me of when I lead this village with an iron hoof, when I stole ponies' cutie marks and stored them here, in the vault I'm standing in front of right now.

I have a flashback in reality as if I'm my evil self again. I see in the vault, so many cutie marks. A balloon animal, snowflakes, a cupcake. All sorts of things. I can't even remember whose is whose. That's how bad a leader, not to mention friend, I am and was. I shake my head and blink a few times to get rid of the cutie marks. But they stay there.

As I turn around to ignore the cutie marks, I catch sight of my friends. Well, my enemies. Twilight and her friends. They look lifeless and dull, and that's when I notice their cutie marks. All equal signs. I turn back to the cutie mark vault and see their cutie marks there, centered. I look around me, realizing that I'm surrounded by all my old villagers. In desperation, I look around for something to help me escape this vision. But all I see is the staff of sameness.

I sigh in defeat, walking to the edge of the cave despite everypony else. I catch sight of the village I used to lead, and realize how they all seemed so happy compared to when I lead them. I mean, it makes sense. I was a terrible leader. I look back, realizing that the cave is mostly empty. I sit back down, feeling tears well up in the corner of my eye and wiping them away.

I say to no one in particular, "I just cause trouble for Twilight. I’m nothing but a bunch of overrated problems for her. I don’t deserve such praise. I deserve to live in this little cave and watch as my villagers have fun without me." The tears are heavy now, too heavy for me to hold in any longer. As I allow them to stream down, I whisper, "Sorry, Twilight. Sorry for everything I did to you."

I look for somewhere to sleep tonight, deciding that the snow is far too cold for me to bear. I find a place with just rocks and lie down there, curling up into a ball, trying to warm myself and stand the rough ground. Despite my efforts, I have a lot of trouble falling asleep. I can't block out my thoughts that bug me all through the night.

You have to be perfect for her, My inner conscience tells me. It was too much pressure. And you can’t ask her for help. You’d be imperfect. You’d be seen as demanding. You’d be hurting everypony else.

I feel like I want a better life, one with friends, but I can't convince myself to go back to it. This is the life I deserve, no matter what anyone, including myself, tells me. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to block out all my thoughts. I hear the haunting voice of my conscience again. Nothing’s wrong, Starlight. You belong here.

I start crying. I don't believe myself anymore. Yet, I still do.