Entry Number one
The flower bed of daffodils has been trampled entirely. Their petals scattered, just like with most of the daisies. And lots of holes dug around. The petunia’s petals have been torn from them, as well as from the rosemary plants. All around, this was a vicious attack.
I was furious at first. Then realized I had no right to be. These are the consequences of my actions. And even then I think I got off easy.
It has been two days since the destruction of the Memory Stone. Sunset and her friends recovered their memories, and everything has come back to normal. Or almost. I’m being more noticed now, but for all the wrong reasons. I’m sure word has gotten around about what I did to them, and how I’m a monster for hurting Sunset Shimmer. Which is not so far from the truth. Can't even look at her in the eyes, even though I want to. This was probably karmic justice for what I did. Or just an act of revenge from any student. Guess this is what it must have been like for Sunset.
She forgave me and promised to introduce me to some friends that shared the same interests as me, but honestly? It probably would be for the best if she doesn’t keep her word. I don’t really trust myself to not hurt those around me. I would rather surround myself with those I can actually tend to and take proper care of, plants.
That’s why I will start writing entries here, or logs of some sorts. Keep tabs on the plants' growth or progress, once they have recovered. It could be interesting. On the meantime, at least I get to indulge myself a little bit here, and have an outlet to say stupid things not out loud for a change. Sunset did this a lot apparently, when she spent her time scribbling in that weird journal of hers. It wouldn’t hurt to try. Perhaps that helped her become the Good Guy (girl) again somehow. While it probably won’t help me, if Sunset did that, it means it must be good. Just like her.
But that’s something for another entry. Scratch that, definitely not. My plant reports are more interesting anyway.
I sure hope nobody reads this.
Anyway. I may be deserving of the attack, but they (my plants) are not. If you damage them, you damage me. So, I am gonna catch the culprit(s). Too much care has gone into them for me to let this happen. And so many memories attached too, like that one time a teacher forgot to add me to the attendance register so I just kinda got up and walked out of the class. Just so I could spend more time in my garden, and feel less alone. That’s why, quoting something I heard in a cartoon show I watched as a little girl, I will, in the name of the hydrangeas, punish the culprit!
I really really hope nobody reads this.
Entry Number Two
Okay so this is BIG. Something amazing happened. The most exciting thing that has happened to me in the last two days. This completely changed things.
So I was lurking around the garden trying to see if anyone would show up this time, maybe even catch the attacker on the act, when I heard these weird sounds and the noise of rustling from the bushes. Then something emerged from them; A tiny ball of sunshine that materialized before my eyes and melted my heart.
A stray kitten!
It was so small and a shade of a warmth radiating orange with these stripes on its head and back. Wide emerald eyes sparkling with curiosity while surveying its surroundings, and gosh it looked like the softest and most playfullest thing ever.
The moment I saw him in all his fluffy and scruffy glory, I knew I was ready to make him my new hyperfixation.
Somehow I know it’s a him, don’t ask why. The weird sounds were actually him trying to puke or something. He looked sick. It clicked for me, the plants weren’t attacked by anyone on purpose. The tear signs from some leaves resembled bites. The kitten probably wandered into the garden and saw the flowers as appetizing. Makes sense.
See, if I was normal I would be normal about this. But being me I can’t help but feel excited and fascinated about a cat. It’s not everyday when I get to see a kitten up close. Bunnies, dogs, yeah sure. But there is something special about cats for me. I was always curious about them and always wanted to have one, scratch it, hold it… normal pet stuff you know. I was never allowed to have any pets at home, anything that would take more responsibility than a potted plant.
There is a funny story about that, actually. When I was eight years old, I asked my Mom if we could bring a kitten home. She chastised me as if I had asked her if I could ride a motorcycle, telling me I couldn’t even take care of a plastic plant and how she would have to take full responsibility over it instead of me. And so, on Mother’s Day, I gifted her a real sunflower. I had been growing and nurturing it since then (I also had to read about it in the library and ask in the flower shop). The gift lasted 3 days before withering. That’s where my love for gardening was born though! I also continued this tradition, out of spite mostly.
I didn’t even think twice. Carefully and silently, I began to approach him without him noticing thanks to my involuntary trained social ninja skills. When I was within petting range, I extended my hand. I was nervous, I didn’t know how he would react and how I would react at the touch of his velvet-like fur. Not like I had the chance to revel in the feeling, as upon contact, he got really startled. His body got up in a weird position as he spun towards me hissing, swiftly scratching my wrist with his tiny and soft paw before stepping back in a rather intimidating position.
I almost smiled at that. He was so cute, I would die for him! And he would be the cause of death, too.
But didn't want to scare him any further. So I took my leave in defeat and left him alone for the day. It was too good to be true, that everything would go alright. Probably will never see him again either. Oh well. I will bring food next time, just in case.
Entry Number Three
So, good and bad news. The good news is that for some reason the kitten has taken a liking to roaming around my garden. It tends to be a very quiet and lonely place so I can see why. The bad news is that none of my attempts to get him to warm up to me since yesterday have worked. He won’t eat anything I give to him. And that is provided that it won’t scatter away at my sight. At least he acknowledges my presence, I guess.
At this point I decided I may have no choice but to do something I wanted to avoid from the beginning. Talking to someone. Or specifically, talking to one of Sunset’s friends. She’s like some animal guru who surely knows how to go about this. Her name is Fluttershy. Of course I won’t approach her out of the blue in person to ask her how I can pet a kitten I found in the school’s garden, that would be awkward and weird. That’s why I will do that via MyStable, which will still be awkward and weird but I won’t have to see her reaction in real time.
She was there when I voided Sunset’s mind with the memory stone. That’s not the kind of stuff that can be forgotten so easily, ironically. It’s probably too soon for her to even pretend to be friendly with me. Everytime I try to message her, a force of 100 horsepower makes me put my phone down. Social media, Scary!
Even then, I can’t help but feel this is something I have to do. I have been trying to avoid Sunset’s group since then, even when they were understanding of me trying to essentially murder their friend over my own, self destructive habits. I will have to confront the aftermath of what happened, sooner or later. I owe them that much. Besides, it’s Fluttershy. The epitome of kindness and shyness here in the school. That’s what they say at least. And we do have that latter trait in common! This kitten could be a valid reason for us to bond together, too. Two friends for the price of one. Right?
Am I… Excited at the idea of talking to someone? Maybe this diary thing is not so bad after all.
Throughout all my life, there’s a lot that has been denied to me. Feeling like I could never have nice things and deservedly so. But I want to have this. As small and dumb as it may be.
It's likely I will screw this up, as always. But no matter my crippling anxiety, societal expectations, the consequences of my past actions, or my mother. I AM going to pet this kitten.