“...Huh.” I said, sitting on my butt, across from Celly. We just got back from our honeymoon, yes, we had loads and loads of sex. We were actually going to go and see if Celly was pregnant given just how much we were having, but then she had a sudden urge. Well, it was more like a feeling. I remember, once upon a time, that I read up on something called the Crystal Empire, a mighty protectorate of Equestria until its ruler got blasted to shit by something called an Umbrum Unicorn. Basically, he’s a spooky, scary ghost thing that can take the form of a unicorn. In fact, I think he may literally be a shitload of dark magic that took form, a name, and a personality.
Okay, that’s not entirely true, King Sombra is a unicorn. Since I’ve been trying to work dark magic into my version of Python, I knew who King Sombra was; I’ve read his biography, written by Radiant Hope. Some colt that was found in the wasteland surrounding where the Crystal empire should be. Things were going dandy, apparently, Sombra was bullied, but he made friends with a filly. Said filly named… Radiant Hope. may or may not have had a crush on Sombra. One day, Sombra grew up and realized he was actually the spawn of Satan, and blew up Princess Amore… Which brings me to a few theories since this all lines up way too well.
I’ve learnt that Cadance is actually an orphan, somepony found her as an orphan outside of… somewhere. Cadance’s full name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. I could be bullshitting this, but Princess Amore was apparently a really nice pony, and y’know, lived in an Empire entirely survived where it was, because of a thing called the Crystal Heart, something fueled on love. Cadance is literally love incarnate. It is damn near impossible for Cadance to outright hate anything, since despite literally having every reason to, she still likes changelings. She still doesn’t outright hate Chrysalis.
Speaking of Chrysalis, I think Cadance and Chrysalis are related. Not in the sense that they’re siblings, but I think they may be the largest fragments of Princess Amore. Amore is long dead, but perhaps, just a few fragments of her grew in power for one reason or another, and spawned two beings. One being that was love incarnate, the other was empty of love and constantly needed feeding on love. Chrysalis is capable of emotions such as love, mind you, but she needs other beings’ love to survive. I’m saying this because the first Changeling Sighting happened shortly after the Crystal Empire disappeared.
Chrysalis may be a lot older than Cadance is, by damn near a year, but it’s not by much.
I may just be overthinking this, since I spent one night during the honeymoon thinking of all of this while reading up on the history of the Crystal Empire, Sombra’s Biography, and from what Cadance has told me of her own childhood. Either way, I don’t care, since apparently the Empire’s back now, and Sombra is just as much of a douche as he was before the empire banished.
“So…” I waved a hoof. “This was expected, basically, a thousand years ago?” I asked.
“...Yes. Shining Armor and Cadance may have gone out to investigate it on their own; thanks to your little theory, you’ve made Cadance very, very interested in the Empire.”
“...That’s probably not a good thing, is it?”
“Sombra gave me and Luna a little trouble. Out of the two, Shining Armor is the better mage, and Cadance is not too far behind him even if her combat magic is rather lacking. They’ve been sending Luna letters detailing just how strong Sombra is, and that Cadance is at least capable of holding him off with her own shield… The problem is that she’s been doing this for a week straight. Shining Armor could easily ‘tap in’ for his wife, but that can easily risk Sombra getting in. Given who Sombra is, They don’t want that to happen.”
“...How did Cadance even find out about my little theory?” I asked.
“She read your diary once when you and I were out of our bed chambers.”
“So…”
“I was going to use the Crystal Empire as a test for you and Twilight,” Celestia whispered into my ear. “But I don’t know if I am willing to send you into live combat against somepony like Sombra. I’ve a few theories as to why… You did what you did-”
“Let’s not go there,” I said. “Therapist said to not even mention or think about it.”
“Either way… I know for a fact that Twilight can easily handle Sombra; I just want to test her leadership skills. You… I am not sure if you can handle that much dark magic-”
“I’m going,” I said firmly. “Don’t care if you say no, since Cadance and Shining are up there, and that fucker is probably gonna kill them. If I can buy some time, or possibly even fight Sombra to the death, then I’m doing it, Celly. I will also get to fully field test this dark magic loop I’ve been developing on something other than myself.” Celestia sighed. But she was smiling; she nuzzled me.
“You, my wonderful stallion, are braver than you are stupid. Perhaps I can test your leadership skills as well?”
“...Uh, sure. If anything, this’ll be more of a test of how much I’ve improved with magic. The only problem with that is if I fuck up, I’m gonna die.” I shrugged. “Twilight will be here soon?”
“She will.”
Luna stepped into the throne room. “Sister,” she said. Mmm, I do not like seeing a serious Luna. “Why are you not sending me as well to the Crystal Empire?” She asked.
“Shining Armor and Cadance are already there, Luna.” She tapped me on the shoulder. “Source and Twilight alone should be enough, especially with Twilight’s Ponyville friends.” She nodded. “We both will only be a DragonFire away if they are not able. We should be there in minutes should the need arise.”
“...But what if Source-”
The doors opened and Twilight came in, expecting a huge test. A regular test taken with a pen and paper. Celestia debriefed Twilight on how the Crystal Empire stays afloat and gave a very, very, very brief explanation of dark magic. Despite Twilight being Celestia’s best student, I know why Celly hasn’t taught anypony how to use dark magic. Most ponies can get corrupted on it easily, and somepony just as strong as Twilight getting corrupted could lead to disaster. Twilight, because Twilight, began to Twilight all over the place.
“What if I can’t do it?” Twilight asked.
“You will.” Celestia-
“-But-”
“Twilight,” I smiled. “C’mon, you and I will be tackling this test together. It’s for both of us, after all. I’ve been studying dark magic for a lot longer than you have, and you’re more of a ponies pony than I am. And usually smarter than I am. C’mon, we’ll both get an A+ with ease with us being study buddies for the test.” Twilight looked me up and down, before nodding. A genuine, excited smile was set on her face until we left the hallway that Twilight was told to meet the princesses at.
“Oh, we are so screwed.” Twilight’s head immediately started hanging.
“What?” I tilted my head. “We aren’t gonna fail.”
“Source, no offense, you’re amazing with magic, but I don’t think you’re the type of pony to take a test seriously.”
“I do. I don’t, however, worry about failing or not. You either do, or you don’t. If there is no do, then you cannot fail, but then you can’t succeed. That's Yodaism, or something. No. Try not. Do… or don’t. There is no try. That’s something I live by. If you set your mind on failure, Twi, we’re gonna fail. It’s why I’ve managed to develop my own spell system, it’s why I managed to become best friends with the leader of the strongest nation on the planet. It’s why I am married to Celestia. It’s why I’m going to bring my family to Equestria even if it kills me. I will trip and fall on my face every now and then, but if I never made any moves, and just lived as a hermit like i was planning, I wouldn’t be where I am, Twilight.”
“That quote didn’t make sense, grammatically, Source.”
“It doesn’t have to. Only do, there is no try. Only do. Would you have beaten Nightmare Moon by trying? Or did you do?”
“I did beat Nightmare Moon-”
“But did you only try? Or did you believe that you could?”
“I… did.”
“We’re both capable mages, Twi. You’ve got the booksmarts while I’m mostly self-taught with some minor guidance from Celly. We’re both students of Princess Celestia! C’mon, there’s no way we’d fail, right?” I asked. In truth, Celly didn't think we would, but she had a contingency plan if we did.”
“No. We’ll do this!”
We were joined by Spike while we were talking, and he nudged me with an elbow. “How’d you do that?” Spike asked.
“Do what?” I asked.
“Keep Twilight from Twilighting? She, apparently, just got a test that neither of you are prepared for, and then you just… encourage her?”
“I dunno. Maybe I’ve spent too much time around Celly.”
“...I think you may just be good at bringing the best out of ponies.”
“Don’t even. Just don’t even, Spike. Let’s just say I drugged Twilight and replaced her with a changeling, alright?”
When we got to the trainstation, we were greeted by Twilight’s friends having a glare-off with Chrysalis.
“Ah, Source Code, a pony with a brain.” Chrysalis smiled and started walking towards me with a sway in her hips. Like way more.
“What’s going on?”
“I’ve heard of why Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor have been sent to the Crystal Empire, and I would like to lend aid. There are few that can rival Princess Celestia and Princess Luna in terms of magic, and I’ve still got some residual love left over; right now I am one of the few creatures alive that can possibly handle fighting King Sombra.” The look in her eyes said something else other than wanting to help. The problem was there was no pride, or deceit in said eyes.
“What’s you catch?” I asked. “Since I’m High Prince, even by title alone, I am technically the only pony here with any authority. I will tell you to sit if you’re just gonna try and kill one of us when our backs are turned; I’m only hearing you out because I can tell you won’t.”
“Sombra used to be a lover of mine. I want to kill him. At a minimum, allow me to watch his demise.” Chrysalis snarled. “He came to my Hive one day and promised to help my changelings and wiped out half of them the next day when I was sleeping. Had we not fled to the Badlands, my kingdom would’ve been wiped out.”
“Ah. Revenge.” I hummed. “Well, I will admit, you are a valuable asset in this. You may come along. Just don’t expect to stay in the Crystal Empire since Shining doesn’t like you that much. Cadance may not hate you, and somewhat understands why you did what you did, she does have to appease her husband every now and then. Given that you mindfucked Shiny, he doesn’t exactly like you.”
“I understand; I just want to watch Sombra squirm like the worm that he is, under your hooves.” I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve experienced just how dangerous you are at first hoof. You could easily deck Sombra if you gave into your emotions more often, or weren’t seemingly depressed and traumatized.” Meh, whatever. “Well, you all heard your prince; I can come along,” Chrysalis said smugly. “So allow me to come along.”
“Fine.” Everypony grumbled.
When we got on the train, the first thing I did was sit in my own little corner of the traincar. While I did enjoy spending time with the girls, I also wanted to simply enjoy myself. I knew I was walking into a lion’s den full of angry pussies, so I wanted some peace and quiet. I was pondering on if I’d be any help against Sombra. I can throw spells at things, and I can sometimes be intelligent, but there really is not much that I can do, is there? I took a nice, long, deep breath and laid my head down on the seat that I chose in the back.
Pony seats were typically designed for a pony to comfortably lay down on, so I was still comfy. You know, Celly said meditation is pretty handy and she taught me how to do it once. I could meditate; I can sleep and I can- why the buck is Chrysalis standing over me? Let out a long, withering sigh, and by the time all the air left my lungs, I was met with the sad reality that emptying my lungs of air just makes them put more air in themselves. Basically, I didn’t die when I wanted to.
Chrysalis slowly started easing herself into my seat, and before long, I was resting on her cold, hard carapace rather than the nice, warm seat. In all seriousness, her carapace was surprisingly soft and squishy, and pleasantly cool to the touch. She purred for a moment and she laid her head on top of mine.
“You’re feeling unsure. It’s delectable; seeing another creature suffer.”
“You wanna walk to the Crystal Empire? I can’t imagine the cold would be too forgiving of a half arthropod-half-equine creature such as yourself. In fact, I can imagine that it may just kill you.”
“I said it was delectable. Not that I am somewhat concerned. You are, apparently, one of the most skilled mages of the era through creativity alone, yet you’re worried about a test?”
“No. I’m worried about dying. I just got married; my life’s just begun and I think I’m gonna die.”
“But that Light Shield spell you have-”
“Got overwhelmed by Fleur De Lis.”
“Hmm.” She hummed. “Perhaps if I do this?” She started nibbling on my ears. It felt nice, but Celly did it better because she didn’t have sharp fangs in her god given dental plan.
“Why are you trying to be nice?” I asked. “Trying to get in under my tail?”
“You’re turning me down? The fairest changeling in the land?”
“No. I’m just asking.” Chrysalis started looking excited at that. “And also I’m turning you down. We could be friends, but not mates. Celly took that spot and I don’t form herds.” I continued laying there, in Chrysalis’s grasp, because the comfort is nice, and Chrysalis was, admittedly, a good cuddle buddy.
“You…” Chrysalis snarled. “Of course Sun Butt gets the stallion that had me shaking at his hooves.”
“What?” I think Chryssy is a masochist. “The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. WIth. You?” I asked.
“Simple, you are a rather attractive stallion, and I like one with a bit of fire in their belly.” She smirked. “You clearly have a bit of fire. Perhaps you’d be willing to allow me to experience ‘crazy’, hmm?” She asked.
“Chrysalis, if you do not stop trying to get under my tail, I will drown you.”
After that, Chrysalis did settle down, but I could feel her chest and belly compress and expand as she silently chuckled to herself. She was lucky it was somewhat adorable and that I was a sucker for somewhat adorable mares… Even the crazy ones that tried taking over my home. Thank god for Celly, or Chryssy would get her ass beaten again; Celly told me to behave myself around her since she is technically an ally of Equestria now. And a government official.
The rest of the train ride was pretty uneventful. Twilight was starting to stress over the test again, I took a nap or six, since it was a six day train ride. Luckily, we were given a cabin, so we didn’t have to sleep on the train seats, even if they were pretty comfy. Occasionally Pinkie would come over and check on me, Twilight would also come over to ‘study up’ on the Crystal Empire.
“So you read about the Crystal Empire? How did you hear of it before I did?” She asked.
“I read a book here and there.” I grumbled; she came and interrupted me mid-nap. As much as I was trying not to enjoy Chrysalis’s company, her silent company was somewhat enjoyable. She was also an excellent cuddlebuddy, so there was that. I was trying to sleep while using her forelegs as a pillow.
“So-” I didn't nap for a solid three hours because of Twilight.
Some undetermined amount of time later, I woke up to Chrysalis actually snoring like a kitten. Okay, admittedly, that is cute. Chrysalis can make cute noises; she’s got a cute laugh and a cute snore, apparently. She started stirring since she was laying her head on top of mine. I squeezed out of her grip, and she sighed.
“I was having a good nap too.”
“You are way too touchy with me,” I pointed out.
“You do the same with Luna! I did my research! You let Luna rest her head on top of yours all the time! You don’t mind!”
“That’s because Luna’s basically my sister at this point.” I shrugged. “You’re lucky that you’re being likable right now.” It would also help if Chrysalis wasn’t blatantly trying to get me to sleep with her. Also, Luna blatantly tells me she doesn’t find me attractive; she just sees me as a sibling and seeing said sibling as attractive would be really strange even for our weird ass relationship. She can admit when I apparently look handsome, though.
Chrysalis immediately turned into Luna, like she was reading my mind. “Am I pretty enough for you now?”
“No.” Luna was a pretty mare, almost sexy even, but she is also my surrogate sister. Also, she’s Tale’s mare. I can’t do my man like that. Also, seeing said surrogate in such a way would be weird.
“I can sense some excitement when you see this form,” Chrysalis said in Luna’s voice.
“That’s because Luna’s fun to hangout with. There’s a reason why I stay up late on the weekends to go bother her and spend some time with her… Assuming Tale’s not there. I walked in on them… uh.” I hummed. “Let’s say I was not excited to see it.” Chrysalis started smirking. “Like it was gross. There was juices everywhere, it was disgusting…” I looked Chrysalis in the eyes. “They were playing Ponopoly with Celly and they spilled some apple juice on the board.”
“...You made it sound like they were having sex.”
“No. Saturday Nights are Royal Couple Game-nights.” Button’s there too, but it’s more or less because we’ve still not found a nanny for him, and frankly, I’d rather not get a nanny or babysitter, or foalsitter, or whatever the fuck ponies call babysitters. All I know is that I’d rather be apart of my kid’s life than not be a part of it.
The next time I woke up from the nap, I realized we were somewhere snowy. Actually, we had just stopped at the Crystal Empire, apparently since Twilight was squealing about how ‘we’re here now!’ Or whatever. I saw it snowing like fucking crazy and it felt cold, so I casted a warming spell.
“Hah! And you made fun of me for bringing too many scarves!” Rarity said. Before Spike could even grab the scarves, I DragonFired everything to Cadance’s location, since she was apparently already in the Empire. “What the!? Source!”
“Rarity, there’s an evil fucking unicorn king that gave Celly and Lulu trouble in the past. If anyone can give those two some trouble, I don’t want Spike carrying your shit. He needs to be able to run like fuck if that evil unicorn is back.” I patted Spike on the head. I even hit him with a warming spell. “Your scarves should be where Cadance is at; safe and sound. If not, whatever. You only needed one scarf to begin with.” I stepped off the train.
“But…”
“Rarity, this place is a fucking death trap until we take care of Sombra. I don’t give two damns if everything is sparkly. Take this shit seriously, please.” Which makes me also scared because Twilight is only treating this like a test… on pen and paper. “ Luckily, everypony that wasn’t Twilight started realizing how important this was, and Spike did too. I tapped Spike on the shoulder. “Hey man, get on Twi’s back; I’ve a feeling we gotta run soon.” Now is a good time to mention that I can feel a hefty amount of Dark Magic approaching us. I wasn’t saying anything because controlling a bunch of panicking, young adult mares was not going to be fun.
Unfortunately, Spike didn't take heed to my warning and kept on walking.
The form of Shining Armor started breaking its way through the blizzard. As it turns out, Sombra is fucking back, for sure. “Look man,” I growled. “This is going to suck.” I shivered. “Run.”
“Why?” Shining asked.
“I can use dark magic, and am somewhat proficient in it; it’s actually something I’ve begun picking apart to try and use it in my own magical system,” I lit my horn. “And since I’m running a diagnostic spell, constantly, I can pick up many magical presences-no, why am I explaining this? Long story short, Sombra’s on his way, start running. Don’t look back.” Just as I said that, a pillar of dark magic slammed into the ground. I immediately chucked Spike on one of the girl’s backs, since he decided to walk despite my earlier warnings. I stared for a moment as I watched a pair of eyes, just leaking out dark magic into the wind, from the black clouds. I pretended to run with the group until Shining Armor turned around to fight. Chrysalis did the same, igniting her horn, but I tossed her into the Crystal Empire since she was currently easier to toss around than Shiny was.
“Source, keep running! I can hold him off-”
“Shiny, turn your stupid ass around and go protect your sister and your wife. Only one of us has any idea of how to use dark magic, and I’ve got something that might counter it. Run.” When Shining didn’t move, I used my magic to toss him through the barrier that led to the Crystal Empire, I could assume. After I watched him skid to a stop, I realized the barrier was transparent. Kinda. The girls and Shining watched in horror as Sombra shot… some spell at me. I immediately brought up a shield and parried the spell into the ground.
I then grounded that dark magic into nothing, with the super conductive loop, or the fancy spancy ‘take dark magic and use it as your own’ thing I’ve developed. I threw that into the ground, however.
“Interesting.” Somrba stopped before me as the cloud of magic started to dissipate into… something with more of a unicorn’s form. He was… actually kinda neat looking. He’s got a really, really cool gray coat, and a jet black mane. He was wearing what looked like gray, sad armor that only an evil king would wanna wear. Given who he is, it makes sense. He came to a stop before me as he started looking me over.
“I did not know there was a fourth alicorn, let alone a stallion alicorn.” He sniffed the air. “And you reek so much of that damned Princess of the Sun.” He started circling around me from a safe distance like a wolf. “You are oozing with potential to be a powerful dark magic user. You use elements of dark magic without even realizing it. I can sense the anger you used to power that shield, the raw hatred you have for me. Yet you hold on to loving a mare who will truly never love you back.
“You hold onto loving a group of mares that left you for dead, several times during your first escapade with them. They left you now too, and all they’re doing is watching… Tell me, why are you fighting for ponies that do not love you in return? Why love them when you can hate them instead?”
“Well,” I said as my horn lit. “You cannot hate without love. You cannot love without hate. Hate and Love are two sides of the same coin. I hate Celly sometimes, but I love her just as much. I’m not fighting because I hate you, no, I could care less about you right now. I’m fighting you because you’re threatening Cadance, my niece, and my friends. You also threaten all of Equestria should you come back to power.”
“But your hatred is so… dense. So strong. So delectable.”
“Oh yeah…” I smirked. “I don’t hate you. The hate you’re feeling is for me, and me alone. I hate this fucking body. I hate not being skilled enough at magic to bring myself home, and I hate that I’ve bonded so much with everypony that I don’t want to go home. I hate that all I am just some sad chump that Celly felt bad for. That I’m the kinda stallion that my son is looking up to. I can barely hold my head up most of the time. My son is looking to a pathetic whelp of a stallion as a role model." I smiled. “I may believe I’m less than the sum of my parts, yet Celly still loves me all the same. Button loves me all the same. I’m loved.
“I fight for the ponies that took the time to get to know the broken mess that I am. And I will kill you if you keep trying to hurt the ponies that love me.” I shot a spell at Sombra, knowing it would do nothing. “Even if I cannot do it through raw strength alone, I will find a way to get you killed. I will assist those seeking to destroy you if it means I can go home and snuggle up with my family at the end of the day.” I blasted another spell, that actually connected and sent Sombra flying. “Eat shit.” I DragonFired into the Empire where the girls were standing, leaving the slightly dazed, and very pissed off Sombra behind.
When I reached the other side of the wall, I was greeted by six very happy mares, Shining Armor, and Spike. I was basically pulled into a big hug.
“SOURCE!” Twilight shouted. “WHAT THE BUCK WERE YOU THINKING!?”
“Simple,” I said. “He was gonna catch up, and Shining was gonna get fucked up if he fought. Chrysalis would probably get killed immediately by how much dark magic that guy has. So I did something called buying time.”
“Source,” Twilight growled. “That was the most magic I’ve felt in a long time. And it felt wrong. It felt… Wrong.”
“That’s because you’re a normal unicorn,” I tapped my own chest. “I’m not. Ignoring my wings, my brain does not operate like a pony.” I grinned. “The spell I hit Sombra with was a spell I’ve been making for a while. He’s gonna feel like he’s drunk and hungover for a good week straight. Assuming the spell worked right. If not, it might only do it for a few days; that’s some valuable time I just got us.”
Shining raised an eyebrow. We looked outside to see the unicorn form of Sombra stumble and trip and fall on his back like a drunk pegasus. “Source.”
“What?” I asked. “It’s working, right?” I pointed at the slight bit of gold around Sombra’s horn too. “Also slipped a magic prohibiting ring on him, so that’s cool.”
“Source,” Shiny grinned. “You bucking insane, mentally ill, somehow intelligent stallion!” He hugged me. “C’mon, that’ll be plenty of time for us to…” He stopped at my sudden freeze up.
“That’s an illusion, guys.” I sighed. “Fuck me.” We all stared up as the… Oh. The cloud of smoke still had a ring on his horn. Sombra was going cross eyed, staring at it, and was growling. “Oh thank god that stupid plan worked.” I clapped my hooves. “Okay. So that ‘drunken’ unicorn spell was a distraction… That was so I could slip that ring on him.” I hummed. “Does that mean I’m married to Sombra now?” I asked as we started walking towards the crystal empire.
“What?” Shining asked.
“Is that lust I’m smelling?” Chrysalis asked.
“What? If Sombra wasn’t a cunt, he’d be pretty great if I were gay.” I chuckled. “Ah, no. I think Celly would actually kill me if I teamed up with Sombra. Tis a shame he can’t use my past and my memories as a weapon, or I would be dead. I can probably guess how he fights, since he’s a psycho.”
Twilight was glaring at me. “What do you mean you picked it up immediately?”
“Before our little spat, he was trying to break me down with some mental warfare. He probably also uses illusions to try and make an opponent weaker before the fight even begins.”
“And you gathered this because?”
“He didn’t engage me immediately, he shot two probing shots, and started talking. He tried pulling what my depression already does. He also just started going through why I should hate you, and was probably gonna turn me on y’all because he could ‘sense that hatred’ in me or whatever.” We made it to the castle while we were talking. “Too bad he sucks at messing with my brain. I hate myself more than I hate anything else, so he wasn’t doing anything. He tried saying Celly doesn’t love me, which is funny.”
“...Why is that?” Shining asked. “You two are married and everything.”
“I second guess if Celly actually loves me or not whenever I have a moment of feeling like trash, so I lay on the ground, on my back, and stare at the ceiling… Then Celly comes in, joins me, and I remember that the two of us are eating shit together, so life’s not as shit.” I chuckled. “Ah, I have problems. A lot of problems. I’m shocked that I haven’t gotten mentally raped by Sombra because of them.”
When we got up to the throne room, I immediately ran ahead to Cadance; she looked awful.
“Lass, have you been eating?” I asked as I skidded to a stop beside her. No, I don’t know how I skidded up some stairs, but I did.
“No… I haven’t been sleeping either.” I casted a rejuvenation spell, which would only do so much, but she did look a little better. “Thanks,” I laid down beside her, and Cadance started using my shoulder as a pillow.
“Cadance, you need to eat food. You can do magic just fine without sleep; I’ve tested it. However, magic does burn through calories, or rather, you need to upkeep your calorie intake in order to keep doing magic. I’m going to go make you a nice, big bowl of mac and cheese, along with some bread and a nice, tall cup of milk. I want you to eat it all, and I will be helping your magic remain steady until then, alright?”
That got the Alicorn of Love to smile at least. “Yes Uncle Source,” Cadance rolled her eyes.
I patted her on the back with my wing. “I’m sure you’ll be glad to see Twilight while I’m gone, right?” I got up to leave. By the time I left the door, I decided on letting Twi do a majority of the work. Celly may not have outright said it, but this test was mostly for Twilight rather than I. If things start getting messy… with how Cadance is looking, Sombra will be nothing more than a smear on the ground to clean up. I’ve got full trust in Twi. Meanwhile, I’m just gonna take care of Cadance and force her to eat and take care of herself.
I walked in the kitchens and noted a severe lack of any actual food, but there was bread. There were things to make sandwiches with, and there was cheese.
So I made a bunch of grilled cheeses for Cadance, and had DragonFired a bag of coffee beans for me to brew up a cup of joe for my niece.
And a brush. I’m gonna brush Cadance out.
Cadance likes brushing. She actually fell asleep after eating the food I made her, but I found a way to keep her horn lit, by using some ‘shareable’ magic or whatever, I can channel her love and light magic through my horn, and stay awake. It wasn’t a permanent solution, but we weren’t in immediate danger anymore. Shining was standing over us, smiling faintly. If it weren’t for the fact that if I fucked up the magic sharing spell for even a second, we’re fucked, and he would talk to me. Talking to me would break my concentration.
Luckily, I am capable of multitasking, so I had been holding a brush with my magic, and brushing her out with it, while running the magic sharing spell. Twilight stopped by told us her plans of checking out the library for ideas on how to lift crystal pony morale as soon as Cadance woke up…
“Fuck.” I grumbled, interrupting Twilight’s idea for a Crystal Fair. Despite my best efforts, Cadance really wasn’t looking that good. With how long Cadance has been awake, just a couple hours did help, but it didn’t do much. I took a long, deep breath. It didn’t help that while sharing magic does alleviate Cadance of having to use magic all the time, it doesn’t exactly help her recover magic. “Twi, whatever the buck you’re doing, or plan on doing, go do it.” I lit my horn. “I’m going to go kick the shit out of Sombra to buy you more time.”
“What?” Twilight asked.
“Knowing how dark magic works, or how powerful Sombra is, that ring I stuck on him ain’t gonna last forever. In fact, he probably broke it already.”
“But you could help us with this Crystal Parade!” Twilight pointed out. “C’mon! This test is for both of us!”
“I know.” I turned to Cadance and Shiny. “I dunno how-”
“Just go do it, Source,” Shining smiled. “It’ll be fun at least.”
“...Alright.”
Why the fuck. Not even a question. Just why the fuck? A solid day’s past, a single day to get a Crystal Parade going. I think Twilight ran off to go find where the actual Crystal Heart was, and I was jousting with Rainbow. Why? Because aside from AJ, who was making sure none of the Crystal Empire ponies laid eyes on the fake one Twilight made, I was the only one of the current group who was physically able. And… Pony racism, woo! Also Chrysalis fucked off to somewhere, nopony cared where. I didn’t care.
Yeah, Crystal Ponies are a thousand years out of date. This meant, since I was hiding my wings, it was decided that Rainbow would kick my ass, since I was just a ‘lowly’ unicorn. Granted, that was fair. Physically, pound for pound, unicorns are weaker than earth ponies, and Rainbow was, while on the lean side, basically at the peak of physical condition for pegasi.
“So…” I said, slapping the helmet on my head. Since I was tiny, for a stallion, I had to wear pegasus armor made for a mare. “You just wanna show off, don’t you?” I asked.
“Pfft,” Rainbow scoffed. “Only a little. Plus you never took part in that Iron Pony competition; I’ve been hoping to see just how athletic you are.”
As soon as we got to our ends of the field, the sky turned black for a second. Since ponies don’t look up, nopony but Pinkie, Dash, and I noticed. Pinkie was the only one that took any urgency in what was going on, as she immediately sounded the horn and… We both started running at each other. I, however, froze up at the last second, imagining what an evil Rainbow Dash would look like, took a lance in the face, and went flying.
I teleported to the ground before I started falling, and ducked behind a rock before Rainbow could get over to me. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I started breathing heavily as my body tensed up. I held my hooves to my head as I toppled over to the side, staring into nothing as all I could do was listen to my heart pounding within my chest. While I laid there, something, I don’t know what, crawled up onto my side and started running a hoof through my mane. I laid there for a good minute, just breathing as the soothing feeling of somepony petting me with their hoof slowly brought my heartbeat out of my head.
That’s when I noticed that Pinkie was cuddling up to me, rubbing my mane. “Are you alright, Cody?” Pinkie whispered. I didn’t say a word, I just leaned into her hoof and her embrace when Rainbow apparently found us again.
“Source, what the heck was that for? You froze up completely-”
“Dashie,” Pinkie said warningly. “Don’t.”
“But Pinkie, he’s supposed to be helping-”
“Dashie,” Pinkie said calmly. “Fuck off.” That has to be the darkest tone I’ve heard Pinkie speak in my life. “Remember how Source got lost in the portal world?”
“Yeah… why?”
“Something about jousting made him freeze up, and made him hide. When I found him, he was breathing heavily, and laying on his side like he was dying. No more making Source joust; I do not care about how much you want to show off, or if ‘the fate of Equestria’ is dependent on you putting on a good show. Go get Fluttershy, and if she’s unwilling, I’ll joust with you. Just don’t make Source do it again, alright?”
“But…”
“Dashie, do not argue. If there is something I Pinkie Promised to myself, it’s that I was going to do whatever I can to help Source with his past and his memories." I stopped paying attention after that, since whatever Pinkie did, it made Rainbow go away, while I could sit and brew on my own thoughts. I silently started to thank Pinkie by grooming her, though… How could I freeze up like that? Why did I…
“Cody,” Pinkie nuzzled me. “Stop thinking whatever thoughts you are thinking. I can tell they aren’t good ones. Simply sit back and relax; nopony will blame you for taking a moment to catch yourself when your mind clearly isn’t in the right place at the moment. As you said yourself; ‘stop and smell the roses.’” Pinkie planted a kiss on my forehead. “Enjoy yourself, Source. I’m going to go kick Rainbow’s butt.” Five minutes later, she came back with Rainbow, who had a nice, large bruise on her flank. “Now what do you have to say, Dashie?”
“Sorry,” she grumbled.
“For?” Pinkie asked.
“For trying to make you do something you didn’t want to do.”
“Good! Now you go have fun with your lances! Oh look! Twilight just DragonFired to the top of the Crystal Castle!” We all watched as a large ball of fire was, in fact, making its way up the tower. SInce it was Twilight and she had magic to spare… A smaller ball was following her. Did she DragonFire Spike to her own magical signature and start going? Damn. I wish I thought of that. We watched as they ascended. The sky started flashing again, so I stood up. “No, Cody, you are not going to ruin a cannon even by trying to help out! You already tried and it didn’t work, and you had your chance earlier to completely stomp out Sombra, but you didn’t. Let Twilight take all the glory for passing this test, alright?”
“Cannon event?” I asked.
…
Spike just fell off the castle, and so did a pink, heart shaped object. As the two of us fell at a rate that did not make me happy. I pushed myself up, despite Pinkie’s protest, and turned around to see Sombra rising through the air on dark crystals. Since I didn’t want to be one of those protagonist that show up during canon events in to do fuck al besides saying a thing or two or getting hurt… whatever that meant, I DragonFired into Sombra and started promptly being his ass as… SHINY THREW HIS FUCKING WIFE TO CATCH SPIKE! Okay, I am going to laugh at that later. Right now I was driving my fist into Sombra’s face.
“EAT SHIT!” Cadance flew past me, and did some sorta speech thing. The next thing I knew, the street I was smashing Sombra’s face into started glowing. A flash of light blasted through as Sombra’s form started to deteriorate and exploded into nothing. While I was at it, since I could tell he wasn’t dead, I grabbed his horn, stuck it in a magical box, and teleported it into the bottom of the ocean. The box was specifically designed to be damn near impossible to open; an artifact that I may or may not have stolen from Celestia. By the way, I only grabbed Sombra’s horn since that seemed to be where his essence went the moment he exploded.
So now whatever was left of Sombra was shoved in a box, at the bottom of the ocean… Actually, when in doubt, ship it to outerspace.
I slowly looked down at my form after launching the box into space. “Why am I glowing?” I asked.
So everypony in the Crystal Empire got to live happily ever after, Twilight embarrassed Shiny again by saving his ass again. While we were heading back home, Chrysalis buzzed next to us. She landed beside me and started walking like nothing was wrong.
“Where the hell were you?”
“Oh, nowhere,” she waved a hoof. “...I locked myself in the bathroom and couldn’t figure out how to get out.” Chrysalis grumbled. “Don’t you bucking dare make fun of me.”
“How the hell, do you, the same bitch that impersonated me and Cadance for a month or two, get locked inside of a bathroom stall?” I asked. “How?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I was not thinking straight-”
“Wait,” Shiny pointed out. “Thorax and Pharynx said that changelings don’t even need to use the restroom. Why were you in the restrooms to begin with?”
“Studly, shut up, before I teach your wife the pleasures of plowing your fields instead of you plowing hers.” Chrysalis growled.
“...What does that mean?” Shining asked.
I simply chuckled. “Don’t ask, Shiny, don’t ask. Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”
So anyways, Twilight Twilighted and Twilighted until we got to Canterlot because she thought I was gonna get divorced, and we were both gonna be ‘expelled from Celestia’s teachings’ or whatever. I, while Twilight was stressing out over the test while Celly had her fun with teasing Twilight, was holding Button in my hooves, since I demanded my Colt Snuggles, and he demanded that I hold him like this for some reason, something about seeing Big Mac hold Apple Bloom like this or whatever.
“You both passed, Twilight. Why were you so worried? The Crystal Empire is protected, right?”
“And Sombra is still alive,” I pointed out.
“WHAT!?” Everypony that wasn’t Button shouted.
“Yeah. It turns out that he had a contingency plan for if we succeeded. When defeated, or his physical form is destroyed, his soul or whatever gets stuck in his horn. So I stuck the horn in a box, a box I totally didn't steal from Celly because she didn’t forget about it.” I set Button down for a moment. “And because I am an Alicorn With Unlimited Wisdom!” I said as I stood on my haunches and lightning struck for me. Thank you Dashie for setting that up for me… after Pinkie threatened her. “I threw the box into outer space, with some trajectory, towards the Sun. In about a week, Sombra will be dead. I’m making sure big threats like him stop being threats.” I picked Button up to resume snuggles.
“...Source, how did you know Sombra’s still alive?” Celestia asked.
“I think my cutie mark helps me constantly run a diagnostic spell, a very, very detailed one. Essentially, it checks for everything. The spell said that Sombra was still alive, so I found a way to make sure he died.”
“UNCLE SOURCE!” Snowdrop barreled into me. “Come now, I am borrowing you. Button may come along as well. I have a fancy party to go to, and I do not want anypony hitting on me.”
“...What?” I asked as I was dragged away from my Celly. Button, not giving a shit because he’s a foal so nothing will come to him unless I’m dead, hopped and skipped after us.
“Wait up, Snowdrop! My legs are way shorter than yours!”
Twilight went out and her friends sang a musical number for her.