I kept my eyes closed. I was fully conscious and I was well aware of where I currently was, considering how soft the luxurious fabric draped over me and cushioning my head was, but I didn't want to get up anyway. I didn't even want to move. Unfortunately, I didn't want to sleep any longer either, so I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I wasn't tired per se, but I didn't want to deal with reality at the moment.
There was no fatigue in me, no exhaustion to be found. If I was in better spirits, I'd have been able to jump out of bed and get the day started with no issues whatsoever.
But that was the problem, wasn't it? I hadn't suffered any physical trauma. I truly wish I had.
I should be in pain. I should be suffering.
I should be...
The familiar sense of self-deprecation was doing its best to dig up old horrible feelings. I thought they were buried deep enough that they'd never be able to come back, but if I didn't do something soon they'd probably re-emerge.
I wanted to call out to my mistress and speak with her. I wanted to see her. I needed to see her, but...
I FORGOT her.
The shame that fact should have brought on would have surely been too much for me to bear. But I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel the shame at all. My mistress was the one who'd given me purpose. She was the one who'd taken me in. She saved my life.
And I couldn't even feel...
I can't...
...
It was all HER fault.
SHE deceived me.
My stomach churned.
...
No. That's not the truth.
At least, not entirely.
I had chances. I had multiple chances. I could've listened to my friend. I could've believed Starlight, but instead I trusted that bloodthirsty parasite and my mistake was already costing me dearly.
I had to watch.
She forced me to.
Before awakening the events of the past few days had played in my mind as if they were the most realistic dreams I'd ever had. I knew they weren't though. They were far too vivid and were lacking the traditional fogginess that typically accompanied my dreamscape. Besides, my mistress always monitored my dreams.
They weren't dreams.
I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to see the truth, but I was forced to watch them. SHE was forcing me to face the sins I'd committed.
Shining Armor...
The stallion that welcomed us in the Crystal Palace wasn't my brother. It was her. It was the parasite. I'd heard about her kind from my mistress.
Changelings...
They were abominations that stole away other creatures and then took over their lives, all with the intention of taking advantage of their victim's loved ones.
Chrysalis was the princess of the parasites. She was the one who had replaced my brother. She tricked me and then made it clear that she'd done so by showing me just how moronic I'd been.
Starlight... I'm sorry.
Back at the training grounds -- when she'd tried her hardest to convince me that he wasn't who he appeared to be -- was where I'd fully fallen under the parasite's spell. During Starlight's "test" the bug used the lilac unicorn's descending magic as a smokescreen to enchant me.
At the time, I hadn't noticed. I guess Starlight hadn't either. The effects of the parasite's magic made me perceive things... differently. Incorrectly. Starlight really had used illusory magic, just like she'd said, but the parasite's spell made things appear otherwise to me.
I'd seen danger where there wasn't any. I thought Starlight was trying to hurt them, to hurt him. Thinking about it now, I couldn't fathom why I had ever thought that. With the benefit of hindsight it was obvious that the lilac mare was only doing her best to help. She was doing what the queen had asked.
So... why?
Why didn't I just trust her?
Even though I'd been under Chrysalis' influence, I chose not to believe my friend. I chose to trust our enemy and I had no idea why.
Regardless, I'd been completely and utterly wrong. I didn't listen to her. I betrayed her. Not once, but twice. I assaulted her when all she'd wanted to do was help me, to protect me from...
I wanted to feel pain. I wanted to be punished for my transgressions. I deserved to be punished. For hurting my friend. For forgetting my mistress. But...
I forced my eyes open, the dark of the room making it seem as if I still had them closed. It was an unnatural dark, -- more than likely a spell -- not a drop of sunlight peeking in from the ceiling or anywhere else.
I tried to move to a sitting position. I couldn't. Normally, I'd be panicking, but for some reason I simply couldn't do that either. I couldn't feel anything other than indifference. I couldn't even think about anything other than the mistakes I'd made while I'd been in the Empire. It felt like that imposter was still poking around in my skull and making m-
Ahhhh so you're finally up.
Speak of her and she doth appear...
So you're going to keep on tormenting me? Haven't you done enough?
Oh Twily... there's no need to be so cold. I thought we were much closer than that. We're still friends, aren't we? I can still play the role of your loving older brother if that's what you wish.
I'd rather die... or kill you.
Preferably, in a slow and grueling process.
Oh you don't mean that. I gave you exactly what you wanted; a brother that actually cares about you.
You lied to me.
I stated the truth... or at least, I wanted to believe it was.
I lied to you? I made you happy. I gave you hope. I stayed by your side when everyone else abandoned you. If anyone is a liar here... it's you.
...
What do you want from me?
From you? Not a single thing. I just want to have some fun. It's not my fault you're so very... easy.
...
The silent treatment so soon? You're about as entertaining as that silly mare you betrayed to defend me.
Parasite.
Sticks and stones, Twily. Now come on. Your former friends put up a much more impressive fight than this meager display. I know you're not that pathetic.
What's the point? You already know what I'm thinking. You're in my head. I lost to you as soon as I decided to let you in.
Well, at least you're not a complete idiot. Two out of three isn't terrible, I suppose.
What is that sup-
I hope you enjoy the parting gift, unicorn. Consider it a present for so blindly assisting me. Good luck... You're going to need it.
Why would I-
Everything hit me all
at once. All of the emotions suddenly slammed into me like an out of control locomotive. I doubled over, grabbing at my head as I struggled to hold in a wail of agony. I failed to do so.
The parasite's gift had to have been a spell, more than likely set up to trigger once I'd fully opened my eyes. It seemed to have the effect of turning the flood of emotions I was feeling into physical pain. It also appeared to be designed to amplify and multiply that pain. My vision began to blur almost instantly as I tried to endure the ordeal.
I think I was screaming, but I couldn't say for sure. The ringing in my ears was way too loud for me to hear anything else. I didn't care anyway. This was what I wanted, after all.
I deserve this.
...
...
...
"TWILIGHT!?"
I'm not sure how, but I vaguely heard the shout. The impassioned scream was enough to put an end to the spell, saving me from the agony. I wasn't exactly certain I was pleased about that.
Opening my eyes I found myself on the floor, my crumpled blanket next to me and my bed looking much like a tornado had passed over it. I was still holding onto my head, but there was no longer any pressure mounting in my skull. The room was illuminated now, the ceiling raining down rays of Princess Celestia's sun.
"I'M HERE! ARE YOU OKAY!?"
I could definitely hear the second panicked cry a lot more clearly than the first.
"I'm fine, Sunset." I somehow managed to keep the growl inside.
Yay me.
I stood up, lifting the blanket with a spell and laying it on my bed after tidying things up a bit. Even though it took me a couple of seconds, she remained silent for the duration, watching me intently all the while.
"Are you just gonna stand there and stare at me all day?" I sighed, smoothing out the wrinkles on the bed with my forehooves.
"I wasn't planning to," she chuckled, the sound making my skin crawl. "Today's a big day, Twilight. The wedding is in a few hours. You're gonna have a sister-in-law!"
I bristled, a chill crawling down my spine.
She can't be serious.
"Are we really going to do this, Sunset?" I did my best to keep the irritation out of my voice, mostly because it wasn't the golden mare that was the source of it.
"Do what, Twilight?" I could tell from her tone that she was trying to be upbeat. I think that's what sent me over the edge. Her attempt at civility was infuriating.
I don't deserve it.
"ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!" I spun around, slamming a hoof onto the carpet. "I BETRAYED YOU AND STARLIGHT! I ATTACKED HER AND..."
my head fell.
"Twilight..."
"I would've done the same to you, Sunset," I rubbed a hoof up and down my face. "If that parasite hadn't knocked me out... I would have..." I bit my lip, unable to go any further. Or maybe, I was simply too ashamed to. I could feel it vividly now and it was almost crippling, like a toxin threatening to kill me.
"We've all made mistakes, Twilight," she kept the saccharine demeanor, making me feel even worse.
"Not like mine," I looked away, moving to sit on my bed. "Not like what I did." I rested my head in my hooves. I wasn't sure why I was being so honest with, of all ponies, her. If I had to guess, it was probably because she had to have been the one that saved us and defeated the parasite.
I'd put more than enough into my spell to take Starlight out of the equation for at least a week. I was blindsided by that maggot. Sunset had been the only one left. She had to have been the one to do it. I just couldn't figure out how she'd done so. She wasn't strong enough to defeat somepony like the bug before.
Unless...
"Twilight," the sounds of her hoofsteps made it clear she was slowly walking towards me. "you shouldn't-"
"How did you stop Chrysalis?" I looked her way, cutting her off. My intense gaze stopped her in her tracks, a look of confusion coming to her face.
"I..." her determination to placate me wavered. "I'm not really sure," she frowned, reflecting my distaste for such an unfulfilling answer. "Something happened to me... I changed." She looked at me as if she expected me to have an answer. I merely lifted an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. "I don't know," she reached for her horn, probing at it with a hoof. "It felt like... It felt like something broke. Something that was... restricting my magic."
Restricting...?
It sounded completely absurd. The much simpler and more likely explanation was...
"You were hiding it from me."
"WHAT!?" she took a step back, her eyes widening in shock.
"Did you keep it from me?" I narrowed my eyes, staring daggers at her. "Your real strength. Did you keep it from me to spare my feelings?"
"To spare your..." she only looked taken aback for a second before she began to laugh uncontrollably, bringing a blush to my cheeks.
"SUNSET!" I growled, turning my head away in embarrassment.
"Sorry! Sorry!" she trotted over to me once she'd calmed down. "Can I?" she pointed a hoof at the bed to my right.
"I don't care." As the mattress sank down from her body, I still refused to look her way.
...
...
...
"Remember that one time we got into a fight?" she was smiling, I could tell by the sound of her voice.
"The one time?" I snorted. "You're gonna have to be a lot more specific than that, Sunset."
"The time you sucker punched me," she was still smiling.
"I was having a bad day," I tried to justify my actions, though I'm not really sure why I'd done so. "And you were being mouthy."
"Oh and you're never mouthy?" she giggled. I sucked in a breath, turning to reply but quickly stopping when I realized I didn't like the honest answer.
"I remember," I huffed angrily, crossing my forelegs. "And?"
It was a few years ago, back when I first moved into the castle. I didn't know her very well then and she'd said some things about being able to take me in a hoof-to-hoof fight. I didn't take kindly to that, obviously.
When she decided to start badmouthing my mentor I took a swing, catching her unawares. It was a dirty move, -- I was well aware of that -- but at the time I'd have gladly taken any excuse to hit her. After all, she'd hurt me so much already.
It was only fair.
Right or wrong, it was a bad move on my part either way. She ended up kicking my flank. Badly. I'd deserved it. So much so that I asked my mistress to let it slide. Her Highness was furious, but she prioritized my health over any retribution, healing me of my superficial injuries and letting nature handle the rest. I'm thankful she had. It gave her ample time to calm down and, possibly even more importantly, time for me to think.
She was adamant about punishing Sunset. She wanted to take the issue directly to her sister. I begged her not to. That would've been way too pathetic. I'd already lost to Sunset. Having my mentor act like my overbearing mommy was the last thing I wanted after that.
She relented, thank goodness. That day I vowed to become stronger. It was also the day that my mentor formed a... distasteful impression of Sunset. I wasn't really sure why the golden unicorn had brought up our scuffle now though.
"Since we first met, I've never pulled my punches. Not once. I'm pretty sure that day I proved that," she explained, though with much less gusto than she just had.
"You can say that again," I shifted my jaw around with a hoof, recalling the pain. "That was probably the worst shape I'd ever been in."
Physically, at least.
"Why didn't Princess Luna do anything to me?" Her question might've thrown me off if I hadn't expected it. Sunset wouldn't apologize. I didn't want her to. I started the fight. She finished it.
Fair.
I shrugged.
"I don't really know. At the time, she was more concerned with getting me better," I lied. "I guess you got lucky."
"Mmm," was her only reply. I decided to ignore her lack of belief.
"So you're stronger than before, or what?" I returned to the original subject, deciding to try and poke some fun at her. "You some kind of protagonist now? The hero of the Crystal Empire? Did plot armor save your flank?"
"Much stronger," she rubbed her chest with a hoof, a cocky smirk on her lips. "And I don't need some contrived thing like plot armor. I'm Sunset Shimmer, student of Princess Celestia, and yeah, maybe I am a hero."
Well, at least she's more confident.
Unfortunately, she'd confirmed my suspicions. Without another word I got off the bed and walked over to my saddlebags, rummaging through them.
"Twilight?" she stood as well, walking up behind me.
I pulled out Her Highness' Blessing, staring down at the stone. I rolled it around in my hoof as my heart began to ache.
"I don't need to be here," I sighed placing the stone back in my bag before I moved to the restroom to gather my things. I'd said it mostly to myself, but I'm sure she overheard.
"What!? You can't just-" Sunset followed close behind me, making her displeasure clear. "Your brother is getting married, Twilight! And I know for a fact Princess Cadenza wants to speak with you again!"
I quickly collected my belongings from the restroom with a telekinetic spell, trying my best to ignore her. I walked past her, stepping back into the main room and putting my things into my saddlebags.
"Twilight... talk to me," she was practically begging. Normally, I'd have thought it was pathetic, but not now.
Not anymore.
"Please?"
I took a deep breath, zipping my bags closed.
"We were invited to the Empire to help, Sunset," I put my luggage onto my back. "I've done nothing but harm since I've gotten her."
"That's not true, Twilight," she was quick to disagree. That honestly made me a little happy. "Chrysalis tricked you. It's not your f-"
"Then whose fault is it?" I turned around, looking her directly in the eyes and not raising my voice a decibel.
"HERS!" she shouted, a fire igniting in her eyes as she moved to stand between me and the door. "That BUG tricked all of us!"
"And you stopped her," I bit my lip, trying my best to smile. I probably looked ridiculous. "You did great, Sunset. Princess Celestia will be proud." I lowered my head walking up to her and keeping my gaze on her hooves. "Excuse me," I said politely. There was no malice in my words. I couldn't produce any. I didn't feel any. Not when it came to her. She was still here trying. I didn't know where Starlight was, but it made sense if she never spoke to me again. Sunset was still here though. I couldn't push her away. No matter what.
I need her.
I needed a friend.
"You're gonna have to make me move, Twilight," she stood her ground, taking up a defensive stance as her horn ignited with an aura I'd never seen on it before.
S-sunlight!?
"I don't want you to leave." The tone of her voice had changed. She sounded so... sad now.
Knowing she stood before me, doing all she could to stop me... it made me think of Starlight. She'd done all she could for me too.
She stood by my side when we first got here. She helped my "brother" for my sake. She tried to tell me that something was wrong. She tried to stop the parasite, to free me... and I stabbed her in the back. I screwed up so badly that the bonds we'd created might have been severed. I couldn't let that happen again.
"Sunset..." I lowered my head, tears falling from my face. "I don't want to fight with you anymore. I don't want to cut... I don't want to hurt the only friend I have left."
"Twilight, you..." She was holding in her own tears and for that, I was truly grateful.
"Please, Sunset. I just want to go home," I wiped the tears from my face with a hoof. I waited, not lifting my head.
...
When I heard a slight shuffling from in front of me I looked up. She wasn't standing in my way anymore, a weak smile on her face.
"If that's what you want..." A tear fell from her eye. "then I won't stop you, Twilight."
I returned her smile, weakness and all. As I walked towards the door a tingle in my chest stopped me. I turned to the golden mare, her smile enduring despite how frail it was. I threw my forelegs around her, hugging tightly. She tensed at my touch but didn't reject me.
"Thank you, Sunset," I squeezed her tighter. "Thank you for understanding."
...
"Hey, Twilight?" she hugged me back, rubbing my foreleg with a hoof.
"What is it?" I asked kindly. She nuzzled into me, not letting go.
"I need to talk to you about something..." She backed up. "W-when we're back in Canterlot, okay?"
"Of course, Sunset," I replied, moving away and opening the door. "I'll talk to you then," I smiled one last time at her before leaving.
My interaction with my friend had helped, but the knowledge that I would have to face Starlight at some point still weighed heavily on me. I started towards the train station, doing my best not to lose my pieces.