I suppose it was a symbol of closing the last world behind me when I closed the door, but I started to regret it immediately nonetheless. Was I really ready to just walk away from my entire life forever like that? That question came to my mind second, right after, Why is the room pitch black?
Thinking about it led to another, more useful question, Why was this room lit in the first place? To which the answer, I supposed, was obvious enough.
I'd left the lights on back in my apartment. Great.
I took my phone out and turned on the LCD screen, resolving to move the flashlight out of my bag and into easy reach when I had a moment free. It revealed the empty castle closet, plus one human. The door I had come through was now a solid wall of stone, unremarkable save for the brass handle that matched the one on my closet door back home. I tried to turn it, but it was locked. I merely nodded. I was likely to be here for a good long while, then.
I brought my face back into a determined smile, hoping to make a good first impression, and exited the other door of the Equestrian broom closet further into the castle. The hallway was well lit by the sunlight coming in through the tall, open windows to one side of the elegant hall. I tightened the straps of my rucksack and looked out one of them. It revealed a courtyard where several guards were patrolling. I was on the first floor, just inside the castle gardens' courtyard entrance. Well, what better way to make myself known to Equestria than to reveal that I've successfully broken into the castle unnoticed?
I hopped through the window and began to approach the nearest guard. My heart was beating at a million miles an hour, but I try to maintain my light smile. First contact. This should be good.
"Good afternoon!" I called to the guard in what I could only hope sounded like a good-natured yell. The burly white pegasus turned towards me with that obligatory "stern-face" all the guards seemed to carry. It was very quickly replaced with momentary surprise, and then something akin to anger. I'd say the first thing it made me think was going through his navy-blue-haired head went something like, this is a potential threat to the castle. Prepare to respond violently if necessary.
I quickly slowed to a stop and gave him a bigger smile. I held up my hands and offered something close to the truth as an explanation before he decided it would be better if the conversation continued while I was behind bars, saying, "Good afternoon, Sir. I'm a foreign diplomat, and... I appear to have gotten myself lost. I was going to see if I could make an appointment with Her Highness Princess Celestia, or Her Highness Princess Luna. Would you be able to assist me?"
I wasn't sweating bullets yet, but I had a feeling I would be soon. I'm a decent liar, but there's only so much you can do about being a human in a city full of ponies. If he decided I was a threat, things were going to go sour for human-pony relations.
He considered me for a while. He gave me a once over, then another, and then began all but gawking. A few moments later, I cleared my throat. The guard looked me in the eyes again, gave his head a slight shake, looked away and closed his eyes, rubbing them.
I suppose I should put things into perspective as to why I was giving the guard a headache.
First of all, the guard was pastel colored and had outlines. While he stared at me, I took a moment to appreciate the environment and the smooth shapes it held. They were simple and uncomplicated shapes, and everything else was pastel colored, from the various pony-shaped shrubberies to the statue of Discord. Everything was simple, as you might expect a flash-based world to be.
I on the, other hand, was still covered in the various shades, colors and details our world is filled with. My rucksack alone-
That was the statue of Discord!
My smile fell away. There it was, twenty feet from the castle, instead of in the Canterlot Sculpture Garden! Last time there was chaos and fighting around him, season two started with a chaotic bang. Umm...
"S-sir?" I asked, staring at the statue intently, "I've heard bad things about what happens when there's any chaos around that statue. Could we go inside? Perhaps to tell Princess Celestia that I'm here?"
The guard's head shot up to me again, his eyes wide. Cartoon wide. He looked over to where I had indicated, then quickly back to me. With a quick shake of his head, his eyes returned to "normal" size. When he finally spoke, his voice was gruff, saying, "I'll lead you to the royal court, where you may wait while I inform Her Highness that you've arrived."
Short, sweet and to the point. I put a smile back on my face and gestured for him to lead on. He looked in the general direction of the statue again for a moment, as if dazed, then came to again and began walking towards a large doorway leading back into the castle. I heaved a quiet sigh of relief and began to follow him. First contact was successful so far. I had an escort to the royal court, or the throne room, or wherever Celestia (or Luna) would speak to me. The first hurdle was over. Next would be the most difficult step: convincing Royalty to give me permission to stay in the country. Hopefully the princesses hadn't dealt with conquering humans before, or better yet with humans at all.
The first room we entered into was the ballroom that had hosted the Best Night Ever. I can't really describe how I felt at that moment. The closest description I can give is that I felt like a devout catholic, stepping onto the holy ground of the Vatican for the first time. I forgot everything and stood there, awed. It might be cliched, but I wanted the moment to last forever.
Right. Because the world is always fair like that.
The guard cleared his throat, and continued to lead me through the grandiose Castle Canterlot, where the he and I passed several other patrolling guards. Every time we passed one, they fell in line around me without a word. I kept that smile plastered to my face, working hard to keep my nerves under control. The good feelings were gone. Hopefully step two wouldn't be as hard as I thought. If they decided to fight me, there would be little for me to do but get my ass handed to me. They outnumbered four to one already, and were presumably trained for battle with things like me. The day was shaping up to be interesting no matter what happened, though. Be it in Canterlot castle, in Ponyville, heck, even in the dungeons, I was standing in Equestria. How many people do you know that could claim that they'd traveled here?
The door we approached reached to the ceiling, twenty feet high, an ancient oaken monster gilded in gold and seemingly thicker than a bank vault's walls. Two guards stood at attention before it. They saw our group, where a grand total of five guards walked in a loose formation around me as an escort. All the guards clearly had their attention on me, save for the guard who I had met in the gardens. He stopped before the door, and traded some significant look with one of the door guards. That guard turned back to me with the same expression that I'd seen on literally every guard in the palace thus far, and asked who he was to announce.
I broadened my smile, and offered jokingly, "Sir Awesome McCoolname."
The guard's grimace curdled, and he asked in a tone that in no way indicated he deeply wished to murder me, "Ok. Who should I actually announce you as?"
"Uh, Thomas. Thomas Johnson."
Without another word, the guard left his post and entered the room, closing the door behind himself. The guard I had met in the gardens took his place, but for the life of me I wouldn't have known which of these guards was which if I hadn't been paying attention. He looked exactly like the guard who had gone in to announce me. If they shuffled around, I don't think I'd have been able pick either of them from any of the other guards surrounding me!
Am I a guard pony racist? I mused to myself.
One of the guards in front of the door gave me a nod, then turned his attention forward again. The door opened fully. I'll take that as my cue, then.
As I entered the doorway I saw the grand Princess Celestia herself. Sitting on the throne from the intro to the show. Smiling at me. I smiled back at her. None of the guards' expressions changed from their surly expressions in the least, and the two dark grey unicorns standing at attention before Celestia's throne regarded me cautiously.
There's nothing quite like being brought before the Princess as an unofficial prisoner, eh?
She nodded at the guards, who gave me some room. They don't break formation or just walk away, but they weren't crowding me anymore, either. That didn't make it any less uncomfortable a situation.
Celestia spoke first, her voice kind and reassuring. "Welcome to Canterlot. I've heard that you're the foreign diplomat, Thomas. It's too bad you hadn't sent along that you were coming, or more proper accommodations mght have been made for your stay, however long. Please forgive the guards, but as you may have heard we recently repelled another attack by the changelings. They haven't given you too hard a time, have they?"
I did my damnedest to keep my face as straight as hers was. If she wasn't going to be thrown off by my arrival, then by God, I wasn't either! Diplomacy is taking any situation and moving with it, getting through without a fight. As the face of humanity, I will not fuck this up!
"They've been extremely courteous, as have you. I'm sorry that I didn't send word along that I was coming, but I didn't have much in the way of... getting the message to you," I finished with half a moment's thought. "As for how long I'll be staying, I suppose that's why I'm here. I wanted to see if I would be allowed to remain in Equestria."
Celestia looked confused for a moment. With an eyebrow raised slightly, she asked, "Why would you need to ask me personally about remaining in Equestria?"
Um... What? Because I'm not pastel-colored and am very obviously not from around here?
"Forgive me..." I started slowly, "but I'm not familiar with Equestria's foreign policies. Am I not... Well, to be blunt, odd looking to you?"
Celestia gave a light chuckle. "I was wondering a little about that, actually. Normally you humans get an appearance spell placed on you in your village in the Everfree Forest before exploring Equestria. Why haven't you?"
What.
Does not... Human village... WHAT?!
The FUCK?!
My facial expression was probably hilarious right then, if Celestia's smile was any indication. Good for her enjoying the situation. I on the other hand, was struggling to keep my shit together.
Humans. Already in Equestria. Village in the Everfree. Appearance spell. Pony princess is laughing at me. Guards preparing to stab me if I move suddenly. My face looks hilarious.
I stopped thinking. I took an even stance and held my hands in front of my stomach in a monk's pose. For those not in the know, it's the same one you might use if gathering a huge store of energy. I gathered my calm instead.
A deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Calm. Let the emotion fall away. You are calm. There is nothing wrong, and if there is something wrong there is a simple solution for it. Inhale. Exhale. Calm. Let it all fall away.
I opened my eyes again and dropped my hands to my sides. The room could have been on fire, but I would still have been at peace. There was an accepting smile on my face, one that you might see when a family member looks fondly at another. Calm.
Years of practice paying off right here.
I turned my smile and attention back to the Princess. Her expression had become unreadable. I set that aside as a problem to think on later. For now, I believed the truth was in order, no matter the consequences.
"Sorry if I freaked out for a moment there. To tell the truth, we're working here on different assumptions. I thought that I would be one of the only, if not the only, human in Equestria. I'm not from the Everfree. I actually entered the castle through a portal the opens in the broom closet near where Discord's statue is right now. I d-"
"Near Discord's statue? I wasn't aware there were any closets near the Statue Gardens."
Celestia wasn't smiling. She'd stopped when I said the draconequus' name. Another problem for another time. Calm.
"Discord's statue is twenty feet from the castle. I haven't been in Canterlot long enough to visit the Statue Gardens, so I don't know where that is, but-"
"Guards!" Celestia ordered. "Find Discord's Statue and return it to the magical stasis field in the Statue Gardens!"
One of Celestia's unicorn guards called to the others to follow him to the statue. Wait, does that mean that he did his job wrong by not instantly mentioning that little fact to Celestia?
The guards left me and the princess alone in the throne room. Stay calm?
I guessed I should still try to plead my case, even if I'm now connected to Discord in Celestia's mind. This should be fun.
"...um, Your Highness? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Has this happened before?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it has," She admitted with a sigh. "Discord has brought you to this world to use you for his own ends. You and most of the others from Earth. He's escaped twice this way so far, and he doesn't appear to be stopping any time soon. I'm sorry that he's trapped you here. If it's any consolation, you are absolutely free to stay in Equestria, and I'm sure that the Elements of Harmony would be willing to meet you. You know of them, yes?"
She sounds like she's trying to give me a treat, anything to soften the blow. Good thing I half expected this. Doesn't mean I haven't lost my friends and family, though.
Stay calm. Go with it. Don't freak out, in a good or bad way. Facts. Logic. Inner peace.
"Does this mean the the portal back to my room is likely already gone?"
Celestia nodded sadly, looking at me as one might a sad, orphaned child. Well, at least I had prepared for this, right? But first, trust but verify. My mind demanded proof of the facts.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to see where the portal used to be. It'll help cement that I won't be leaving. May I?"
Celestia nodded. She gave me another light smile. Without another word, I turned to leave. Celestia however, wasn't quite done.
"Thomas? If you'd like to talk about suddenly appearing here, I've the time to talk to you about it, or about Equestria. I understand that things may not be as you expect them to be. If you've any questions, feel free to ask."
Cool as that is, you have a priority. Save it for later. Verify the facts now.
"Perhaps we could talk after I check to see if I'm not able to go home. That'll change what we talk about, I'm sure. After all, this may yet become a short vacation, eh?"
She kept smiling, but her heart wasn't in it. She knew better. I'm stuck here, and that's just how the cookie crumbles. Or how the banana splits. To the moon?
I smiled at my little joke. Friendship is Magic, Bitch!
"Of course. Lead on, my little..." she stopped her almost automatic answer for a moment. After all, I wasn't one of her little ponies.
"Pony," I supplied. "If you don't ask me to replace everybody with everypony, I'll not ask you to do the reverse while I'm around. Shall we?"
I turned again. Royalty or not, I was getting a little antsy. If I got here via Discord, then why'd his portal wait for me to pack a bag after I saw Celestia the first time?
As I left the throne room, I heard the hoof-clops of the princess following me. Probably to make sure I wouldn't get lost, physically or emotionally. I began to walk back the way the guards led me. For around the first three turns. Hmm. How'd we get here again?
Oh yeah. Your helpful guide Princess Celestia is probably still right there.
Freak out at how awesome this is after ensuring I'm still trapped here. I had to keep my priorities straight until my forced calming wore off. Then I'd laugh or cry, depending on the mood at the time.
"Your highness? I can't remember the way back, exactly. Could you take me to the hall that the Grand Galloping Gala took place in? The one that was destroyed by rampaging animals?"
Celestia walked up beside me, half a grin on her face.
"I must say, I'm not sure I'll ever get used to how some of you know so much about this world, despite having never been here yourselves. It's not far. You're going the wrong way, however."
The rucksack on my back started feeling heavier. I've got twenty bucks on the guards having led me in a circle while Celestia prepared to meet me, or something. That, or my sense of direction sucked. Wait, we had only walked past other guards in the halls! How could they have sent ahead that I was here?
"Am I? My mistake. I thought that this was the way they brought me."
I grabbed the straps of my backpack and pulled, rearranging it on my back as Celestia led me back to the room that exploded at the Gala. From there, I walked past her and into the gardens.
The first and most obvious thing I noticed about the garden was the plethora of guards. They appeared to be doing some form of drill, marching in an orderly formation around where I had pointed out Discord's statue for the first guard. The second thing I noticed was a significant lack of said statue.
I walked past the guards towards the window (which all but instantly ruined the march when around half of the guards turned to stare at me or salute the princess) that I had stepped out of before meeting my first Equestrian. I stepped through it and take a quick look around. There it was. The door to the unused closet. It was time to find out if I could choose to go home. I walked up to it slowly, and turned the knob. In vain. The door was locked.
I turned to see a bemused Princess Celestia stepping into the hallway through a window. "Had you mentioned that this was where you were going, we could have gone through the castle, you know."
"Yeah... Truth be told I climbed out of that window to speak to the first guard I saw before someone else found me. I don't know my way around the castle, or where we are right now. That's not important. What is important is that this door is locked. This is where I came in through to get to Equestria."
Celestia looked at me like I was high. "What door?"
I looked back at it. Yes, it was a door. The handle was right there. I reached out and grabbed the handle, trying again to turn it. Still locked. Which was odd, since there wasn't keyhole that I can see. Of course, it didn't help that Celestia just plain didn't see the door.
I gestured at it and pointed out the obvious. "I see a door that you don't see. Behind this door is a small empty room, and in that empty room is the portal that brought me here. ...If this door isn't here, and was only here because of Discord's influence, then why can I still see it?"
Celestia walked over to stand before the door. She leaned towards it and her horn began to glow a ripe banana yellow. She closed her eyes, and appeared to be deep in concentration. I waited.
Five minutes later, I took the rucksack off my back and took a bottle of water out of it. Celestia hadn't moved. I broke the seal and took a long drink of the refreshing water. I take a moment to wonder why I had decided to bring all this food and water to Equestria. Hadn't I already known that I'd be coming to Canterlot? Maybe next time...
Next time? I stopped for a moment and realized that there wasn't going to be a next time. I wasn't going to see my friends or family again. I wasn't going home, probably ever. And I wasn't going to turn off the lights in my apartment. As far as anyone would know, I fled to Europe and died in a ditch. I'm here now. What I have is what I have, and that's it.
Well... at least I brought some books and technology from home, right?
After a moment's thought, I realized that I probably had a few pictures of my family on my phone. I quickly took it out and typed in my password. It gave an audible click, and revealed the home screen. I opened my camera and scrolled through the photos. There's one. A family photo. Before Dad's second divorce. It was taken at Christmas, and everyone had stopped auguring only long enough for the flash to wear off before they started fighting again. I'd taken this photo, and I wasn't in it. Thinking back, I probably wasn't in any of their photos. I was always the one taking them.
I held the phone to my chest and closed my eyes. I didn't regret coming here. Not yet.
I looked at Celestia, who still hadn't moved. That's it, I'm setting a timer. If she didn't move in two minutes, I was going to wake her up. I set a timer on my phone, and finally realized something odd about my phone: It had service.
…
Ok. There are other people in Equestria, and I have cell coverage.
I stopped for a moment and simply waited for my mind to absorb that.
My phone's alarm went off before I could. I set the thought aside as something that I might truly not want the answer to, and moved closer to Celestia to check on her and the door. It was still locked and she wasn't moving. Her horn was still glowing. I snapped my fingers near her ear. Nothing.
This could be bad.
I poked her lightly in the side. No reaction.
Check that. This could he extremely bad.
I carefully opened up one of Celestia's eyes. It focused on me in an instant. I gave her a slight wave. Her eye moved all over the place, panicked, but her entire body otherwise didn't move. She focused back on me a moment later.
Suffice it to say something was obviously wrong. Score one for captain obvious.
"Move your eyes up and down if you can hear me."
Up and down her eye went.
"Are you stuck?"
Up and down.
"I'm not good at twenty questions. I'm getting a guard."
Faster done than said. I leaned out the window and yelled for a guard. They rushed into the hallway from all directions, and I quickly lost count. The hall was quickly filled with grey unicorns and albino pegasi.
The grey unicorns broke off Celestia's spell in a heartbeat, and she collapsed to the floor. The pegasi cornered me as Celestia collapsed, and a Pegasus held a wing to my throat. In hindsight, I probably should have called them sooner.
"Guys, I didn't-"
A large Earth pony from nowhere slammed into me, and I fell backwards into the stone castle wall. The world exploded as my head took the brunt of the collision.
Then nothing.