//------------------------------//
// CHAPTER XXII: The Poison of Illusion 
// Story: Special Illumination 
// by ponichaeism 
//------------------------------//

	A pale, chill fog rolled off the distant mountains and spread like a tidal wave through the forest. It wrapped around the ancient tree trunks, distorting and obscuring them until they resembled blurred bars, almost like Starswirl could finally see the prison locking him away, if only his newly-opened eyes would hurry up and focus properly. But he couldn't yet discern if the vision of a prison insinuating itself to him was evidence he was beginning to break free of the material world, or a poisonous thought generated by his deeper mind because of the unresolved turmoil within it. He breathed in the misty early morning air and let its brisk, coolly refreshing wisps soak into his lungs, then expelled it with a careful, controlled exhalation. He felt the Harmony thriving in the trees, underhoof, even in the water droplets carried on the air. The web of life surrounded and cradled him in its warm embrace. This grove, this sacred grove so full of life, would be his sanctuary, because the toxic atmosphere of the town was certainly not doing him any favors.
He sat on the ground and relaxed, commanding his mind to attune itself to the cosmic energy flowing through the universe. He wouldn't go all the way, as there might be timberwolves about, but just far enough to start him on the path back to the source of life, the source beyond all yet within all, and grant him the strength and serenity of mind to endure the ravages of the miasma enveloping Hollowed Ground--
A fallen branch snapped nearby.
Almost casually, he opened his eyes and glanced around the clearing, searching for the perpetrator, but saw nothing. He wrote it off as a wild animal, and closed his eyes again.
Perpetrator, Starswirl? Nature commits no crimes, for crime is a dichotomy reliant on notions of good and evil. Even if such things are sometimes convenient, in truth they are meaningless. There is only the natural way, and the unnaturalness of going against it by clutching fast to what will naturally fade away.
Since he was just starting out again, he allowed his undeniable, though restrained, relish to flourish inside him for a moment, and smiled to himself. Being here, surrounded by so much life, was doing magnificent work lifting the pall the town had cast over him. He could worry himself; worry about how quickly he had lost control; worry whether he had left his secluded refuge too soon those seven years ago, but he didn't. There was only him--
No, there was only the Harmony. He was merely a small fragment of it. 
Then he felt a poisonous thought scurry into his mind and launch itself at his higher thoughts before he could stop it: 
And so is Mareco.
He immediately cut it out of his mind, broke it to pieces, and scattered it on the wind of the cosmic energy flowing through him. He would not allow himself to feel let down by its sudden attack; he just meditated and attempted to shut off the portions of his mind he did not need right now.
"Starswirl...."
The coat on his back stood on end at the dulcet, haunting tone of that distant whispered voice, coming from nowhere, and yet everywhere. 
Why are you trying to touch Mareco? he asked himself calmly and introspectively. Why is your deeper mind reaching out to her through the Harmony?
But he had no answer. Like with the poisoned thought, his deeper mind was acting beyond his ken, going behind his back, so to speak. Although it had persisted in indulging itself like that since the day he had been born, he'd worked hard over the years to fathom why it did as it pleased and how best to subsume its fickle, instinctive whims into the sea of his higher thoughts. 
Yet now, nine years after he'd last seen her, his deeper mind was summoning up her apparition, and he didn't know why.
Unless, his deeper mind thought giddily, there's a reason for this.
Starswirl felt the frustration within himself with himself start to build again; frustration at how readily he'd grasped onto and clung to the idea that some greater purpose existed for his hallucination of a mare he had loved so long ago. But with great effort, he relaxed and cultivated his higher thoughts once again--
Two gentle forelegs slid over his shoulders. He gasped with the shock of the tingling sensation, then held that breath and concentrated harder.
Again, the distant voice whispered, "Starswirl...."
Perhaps she's seeking you out, his deeper mind thought, trying to find you again, and you're sensing her thoughts--
He squeezed his eyes shut even tighter and flattened his ears in an effort to sever himself wholly from the physical plane. Straightening his back, he willed himself not to mind the sweet sensation of the phantom mare draping her head over his shoulder and nuzzling his cheek with her own. His body shuddered with the effort to took to deny the comfort of her touch. Sweat dripped down through his mane and beard.
She whispered in his ear, "I miss you, Starswirl...."
It's her, his deeper mind screamed. She's trying to talk to you, you fool!
"Go away!" he shouted, his voice twisted and broken.
There was a scuffle in the nearby underbrush, and then another fallen branch snapped. His eyes snapped open and he whipped his head around to search for the intruder.
There!
An equine shape, its exact figure obscured by the rolling sheets of pale mist pouring through the forest, pulled back and lifted its foreleg.
Starswirl clambered to his hooves and ran towards her, but she turned tail and fled through the forest. He plunged headfirst into the swirling fog, running through the mist-laden underbrush completely oblivious to the brambles stinging his legs or the branches swatting him in the face. More than once, he nearly collided with a tree trunk at full gallop, but he didn't care. He had to catch up to Mareco.
No, his higher thoughts told him, whoever that may be. You have to catch up to whoever that may be.
"Wait!" he called, panting for breath. "Come back!"
He hurtled a fallen log--
The forest, through, was deceitful, for the drop on the other side was much steeper than it appeared. Starswirl skidded down the incline, careening wildly out of control, as a shadow in the mist standing on the ground below rushed forward to meet him. The wizard and the shadowy figure fell down and took a tumble through the undergrowth until they came to rest in a thick bush. Starswirl poked his head up above the leaves and tried to swivel it around to see Mareco.
He asked, "Why are you--?"
But as soon as he saw who it was, his mouth suddenly stopped working.
"Me?" Jack Apple asked, sprawled atop the bush like he was in a hammock. "Now wait just a minute, what in the hay are you doing all the way out here?"
"Meditating," Starswirl said, worming his forelegs out of the bush and using them to lift his body out. "I was meditating when I saw you watching me through the fog."
"Watching you?" Jack Apple said, shaking his head. "Naw, that ain't me. Must've been Clover."
"Clover?"
"Yup." As Jack flailed around, almost like he was swimming, to roll off the top of the bush, he explained, "See, I bring Carmine some a'my milk from my sheep, a'cause I know he ain't got many other ways to get his hooves on some, and he gives me a discount on my miller's toll in return. But when I got myself out here this morning, I spotted little Clover sneaking right out a'her house and into the forest all by herself."
Starswirl reached out and touch him with the Harmony, but, as he expected, his connection had not improved by much, and he still felt as if he were holding the other pony at foreleg's length. What he could decipher from Jack Apple, though, implied that the brawny earth pony was being honest, so Starswirl took him at his word for the moment.
"I told her not to follow me out here," he groaned as he pulled himself out of the bush and shook his coat, mane, beard, and tail free of leaves and twigs. "I made her promise not to follow me out here."
That explains why she galloped off, at least. Some concept of honesty that little filly has.
As Jack finally flailed and rolled enough to vault himself off from the bushtop, Starswirl said, "We must find her, and I should think quickly, for wherever Clover goes trouble is sure to follow."
Suddenly, a shrill filly's scream pierced the misty morning air.
"Do you see what I mean?" he added.
"Ayup," Jack Apple said. "Let's ride, Starswirl."