//------------------------------// // We All Fall Down // Story: Killian's Misadventures in Equestria with Princess Molestia // by TwiplotSpankle //------------------------------// Ahem... Chapter 1     This is the story of a boy/man-child and the happenings that well happen because he causes them to happen. But anyway, let's start the story...     Killian fell from the sky, and well died...      Psych, the death part comes later though, lots and lots of death is to ensue. For right now, Killian did in fact fall, right into Bon Bon's lap.       "ahhhhhhhhhh", screamed Bon Bon, as she pushed the fur-less, unpony thing from between her legs. "What is that thing?" exclamasked Lyra, who was sitting beside Bon Bon in the weird fashion in which she does. For you see, Killian, the afore mentioned fur-less, unpony thing, would have died if not for landing his face right into Bon Bon's pussy, and by pussy, I mean her cat, Meowth. Yes it is in fact the poke'mon Meowth. Now what was Meowth doing in between Bon Bon's legs? Well your guess is as good as mine.     Now back to Killian the human man. Lyra, fearful for her virginity, kicked the unconscious Killian in the face and left him in the street to rot. As Killian the non pony regained conscienceness, he began to hear voices, perhaps he was going crazy, but not likely. "What the hay is that thing?" pondered Applebloom ponderously. "I've never seen one of these before." inserted Sweetiebell. "Maybe it came from the zoo?" asked/ stated? Scootaloo. Now Killian's face was so disfigured from the beating Lyra gave him, that our hero could easily be mistaken for a fish, and since Kill so loved fish sticks, that must make him a gay fish. Now as Kill the gay fish began to rise, he so frightened the trio with his horrible disfigurement, that they too bucked him in the face, and fleed for fear of having to look at his god awful features.     Killian, The No Longer Fish, awoke in a bed that was not his own, In a room that made no sense. He was in a tree. As the far door slowly creaked open, Killian quickly went back down and pretended to be asleep, as to ascertain as to whom his kidnapper might be. As the the door slid open, he heard, was that clopping? Immediately, Killian sprang up ready to attack. Startled, the lavender mare instantly blasted him... in the dick...     Killian, the now dickless hero of our story, awoke in a hospital bed. As he shifted, he discovered that he was in fact bound to the bed. Once again, the far door slowly creaked open, and once again Kill-Ian heard clopping. As he moved to look at the door, in walked the same lavender mare as before, focused on a clipboard and jotting things down. Now that Killian wasn't trying to spring himself on her, he took notice of her features. She was a fucking pony. But of course she was a fucking pony, you are reading a pony fan-fic aren't you? I mean really, did you honestly think it would be something else other than a pony? Equestria is in the god damned name. God, my audience must be a bunch of fur-less apes with, let me guess, opposable thumbs? As I was saying before I was so rudely interupted by your utter stupidity. As she came closer to the bed, she lifted her eyes from the clipboard and started back. She stood there a couple of seconds, to be exact: 46 seconds of her life that she will never get back, were just wasted by standing there. Then, she spoke. "Sorry for shooting you... There, but its ok, because it was for science, and science is good, I think." "Any way, nothing could be done about your "thing," so we kinda just burned it, so you'll be pleased to know that it is now gone forever." Killian began to cry liquid pride. "Yep, never to be seen again." The mare finished. At that, Killian began to ball his eyes out. At notice of this, Twilight moved closer and began licking the tears off his face. "Yes!" she exclaimed, "Let me taste your sadness!"    And then Killian woke up, still in the street, with his face beat in. What a horrible start for our young hero you say? Well, it's only going to get worse. Kill the human, finally fully conscience, I mean it's about time you lazy ass, just laying there, taking up valuable space for four hours, you should be ashamed. Any who, as Killian took in his surroundings, he noticed a familiar sight: a tree house. Kill began to stumble toward the door in the dead of night. At a knock on the door, someone quickly answered. "Who the hay knocks on someone's door at this time of night?" asked the lavender mare, then she stopped, stared, and quickly slammed the door. "Hey, you hooker, open up!" Killian shouted. He waited there, once again taking up valuable space, when he heard a click from the door. The door slowly creaked open, only revealing darkness inside. Once inside, the door slammed shut behind him, and a quick pain went to his head, then darkness.      killian was jolted awake by a sharp smack across the face. "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" said a mysterious voice from behind the blaring light.          "Who are you and what are you doing here?" asked Killian. "Hey! I asked first!" squealed the mysterious voice.          “I’m Killian, and i’m going to assume that you’re the whore who hit me in the back of the head!"           "perhaps I am, what of it? Nopony, or whatever you are, is going to rape my Twilight!"     "Excuse me? I just wanted to know where I am." explained Killian.            "uh huh, and yet you proceeded to call Twilight a hooker, you deeply hurt her feelings with that."     "Well I'm sorry but... ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!"    "What was... ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!"    "WHAT THE HAY IS THAT HORRIBLE NOISE?!"    In a flash, the lavender mare was standing before him. Her horn began to glow, removing the phone from his pocket.        "What is this? Your alien communicator!?"     "No dickweed, it's my cell phone, how the fuck does it still work here?" questioned Killian.   "Who is William?"             "That's black man, what did he say?"      "Hey, we'll be asking the questions here bub. First question: Why should I not call the authorities?"      "Because, as I said before, I'm not here to rape Twilight."       "Likely story..."    Then Killian noticed a slight sparkle in Twilight's eyes. Her horn began to glow once again, and Killian found that he was no longer bound to the chair.    " Well it's too late at night to let this go on, Killian you can take the guest...   ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!         "HOW DO I TURN THIS THING OFF!??" Twilight screamed.      "You press that button for three seconds." Killian said, showing her the button.        "Thank you, as I was trying to say, you can sleep in the guest room. But don't try to leave, Spike here will be keeping guard."        "But Twilight, I thought we were going to finish playing pin the dragon on the pony.."     "Spike! Shut up!"  And with that, our hero went to the guest room and laid in the bed.               "What have I gotten myself into?"         What perils await our hero, will he die in the end of the next chapter, not likely, but find out in the next chapter of Killian's Misadventures in Equestria with Princess Molestia.