//------------------------------// // One So Lovely: THE BEGINNING and middle and end // Story: One So Lovely // by QuietPonder //------------------------------// Author Note: I hear most of Rarity’s non-superemotion-charged talks to herself in her early series soft voice. Go re-listen to her dream about the Gala in episode 3 (The Ticket Master, ~7min in) if you want to remember what I mean. For the third time this week, the front door to Carousel Boutique exploded open and let through an exasperated unicorn, again overcome with emotions so varied and intense that even psychiatrists of lesser sanity would avoid a wreck like her. This time Rarity’s face was tear-streaked, her eyes filled with a primal yet pained rage. Her knees shook, about the give out. Even her mane and tail were starting to show signs of neglect. This week wasn't the worst possible week. No, that was last week. A direct rejection from Fancy Pants, a string of desperate false confessions, the misunderstandings, the fights, a tussle with three local waiters after that ghastly dinner attempt, Spike discovering some pages of her diary that she had thrown out... It all had been a continuing downward spiral. Her fashion career was not finished, but with so much else ruined, so many of her dreams crushed, it didn't seem to matter. What this week had been was boughts of her friends each trying to console her, to comfort her, to say everything was alright. 'Alright'... She was basically eternally single now. A reputation that would drive everypony away, about how she was "unstable." How can anypony say that that is alright? Maybe I need to flee. Switch towns. New name, new friends. Only way to attract them is if they don’t know now-me. I can give up this shop. I can start new. I can succeed again. I was born to succeed. But what about Sweetie Belle? I don’t need her, I need love! But she loves me. I love her. I could flee, right now, just run out and keep running. I need more love than that! What would I name myself? I can’t abandon friends who have been so supportive. What town is good for the fashion life? Or is it better to choose a town that needs a shot of lavish trend, one only I can give? There is no way I can leave, I have to stay and live on. Perhaps ‘Elusive’ as an alias would suit a reborn and restarted me? My life is in tatters, let me be struck by the most gorgeous falling object and just end it all! Racing thoughts did not stop her rampaging march around the house. Sweetie Belle was (thankfully) along with her Crusader friends on a week-long trip with AJ’s grandmother, so she wouldn't be stopping in unexpectedly, Opalescence was at the newly opened pet beautician's place (the poor, naive stallion had considered the task the first true challenge of his profession), and her parents were (as always) off on a trip, so her completely-adult-and-in-no-way-childish tantrum went uninterrupted. As it had the last three times, it all eventually calmed. An awkward, almost threateningly uncomfortable silence fell as Rarity lay on her back on the shop floor, staring. She knew she couldn't continue like this. She still had enough of a life to ensure she would not chuck it all away for a potential second chance. She had to sort herself out, find a new balance she could live with. Her totally-not-tantrums for venting, when all her issues came to the forefront of her mind, could not be the answer. Going through three of them so quickly, all the same in so many ways, had proven that to her. This void would need to be conquered. And her intuition told her she needed to accomplish this herself. Alone. Only then… " –‘and, as such, I have come to the conclusion I need to take time away and correct my lapse in mental serenity and adjust to my new circumstances. Do not worry for me, I shall return when presentable and no earlier. I promise to return more magnificent than anypony has ever experienced.’ …and then the rest is swirls and little accents." Twilight looked up from the note posted on the door to Carousel Boutique, surrounded by miniature-gem encrusted ‘DO NOT ENTER’ tape criss-crossing the door, and back to her friends. "Y'all sure this won’t turn out tha same as our bunglin' her dresses? Locked away and we have ta coax her out?" "She seemed a lot worse than that time too, last I saw her." Rainbow Dash stepped forward to be next to Applejack. "Half her mane was twisted wrong and she kept talking to herself. It was really-" she paused, searching for the best word, yet ending flatly with, "-weird." Twilight considered the note again before responding. "She sounds almost hopeful this time. Yes, she was distraught, and for longer this time than we've ever seen," she said slowly, choosing her words carefully. She felt the need to emphasize the wishes that the note contained and ensure her friends would permit Rarity to try this. "But we've seen Rarity swing her moods both ways all the time. We know she can come back from anything. If she wants to manage this alone, we don’t interfere. If— no, when she wants us to console or guide her, we will be there for her." Looking at their faces, she didn't have to verbally check that they agreed, though she could see reluctance in AJ’s face and a troubled, conflicted expression on Pinkie Pie’s. "Ah guess... Ah'm just plumb worried is all. Ah imagine her worryin' and stressin' herself to pieces and not even considerin' the good parts of life around her." Applejack huffed, resigned. "But you are right. Forcin' our love and kindness on her now would be mighty inconsiderate iffn she don't want it." Dash gave her a curious, questioning look but (amazingly) said nothing. "I still think she’ll need some positive preventative protection. I'll keep watch on the pet stores!" Before Twilight could ask anything to Pinkie's exclamation, the party pony became a pink blur, fading as if she had left faster than light itself could comprehend. Each exchanged looks and turned to leave with short parting words. As they began to separate, Twilight glanced back at the door. She knew being supportive of her friend's desire was the correct thing to do, but even then her mind felt seeds of doubt about Rarity's ability to cope alone or to know when help really was necessary. But worrying right now wasn't going to help. With an unheard sigh, she turned away and headed home to check on Spike. Rarity stood in front of the large oval mirror in her room. It was now the fortieth minute since she had walked up to it and stared at the mare she saw. Day one had consisted of rearranging. Lots of rearranging. Did she want her room barren? Could she risk having a breakdown around her materials? Would it be healthy to be away from her passion for dresses and the creativity that came with? The questions had silently jumbled around as she had moved items here and there, out of the front, into a closet, into her bedroom, back to the front again. Not exactly indecisiveness, just no conclusion held its own for more than a few minutes. Day two had been almost entirely spent in her room, now mostly clear except for the medium or larger furniture (bed included), her mirror, and a number of what she considered 'essentials,' only venturing out to eat when necessary and when she had to let nature take its course. She had believed that a decent amount of isolated time could start the sorting out process. Alone with her brain, maybe she could work it all out logically. No need to attend to anything else, that could come when she returned to being internally lovely and precise again. And now it was day three. Thus far, it had consisted of reaching the mirror and had stopped there. Nothing came of the time spent pondering on and in her bed, only that the nagging need to fix herself had become great enough to abandon her session of mulling. Only at this moment (and the forty minutes prior of holding position) had she had the time to truly look at herself. Her coat had lost its shine, the absolute purity of her white faded to a light cream. The shine of her horn and hooves was gone. Her lips were coarser than she preferred, though not unreasonably so. The mane and tail were most obvious, now ragged messes to her eyes following her lack of daily upkeep with her signature mix of product and magic. Her lashes showed subtle hints of her despair, mainly disorder in direction (and only upon close examination), but any imperfection would need to be attended to by this exile's end. "Oh, sweet dear... Whatever has happened to you..." She spoke to the reflection, sadness and sympathy carried in her tone, her eyes and her drooped ears. "I would never have thought such beauty could so easily diminish from some fall outs." That last word brought forward what she'd temporarily forgotten. Mumbling, she amended, "Some... substantial fall outs. ...And failures." A sigh, weighted and weary, passed her soft lips. Levitating a few of the essentials to herself, Rarity sat, slowly, and began some of the basic work and repair. Any finishing touches wouldn't be required for a long while. "I know you've needed this maintenance, but my preoccupation and misgivings and irritability and... and..." A hesitant moment later, her dialogue with the disheveled mare she saw continued, excuse-free, softly speaking as if to soothe herself somehow. "My full beauty will return, no frets now, no frets." "I am a strong lady, I can conquer this setback, I can persevere, and I can maintain my elegance." A pause, brush slowly still drifting down through her mane. "...Somehow." The third day continued. Time spent on repair came to a close and Rarity returned to her bed after a short nibble. Silently, she lay on her back on her sheets, staring and wondering. Wondering if she could return to the (mostly) stable mare she once was, one that stallions drooled after instead of chatting behind her back, calling her nutty. Pushing the memory of her hysterical confession chain / rampage away with a regretful shudder, the mare of generosity let slumber overtake her. Two days past. Rarity had still avoided returning to her dress-making, knowing she still needed this resolved if she was to ever truly return to her 'normal' instead of creating small facades to cover what holes might be left unfilled. She did however keep a notepad handy if an idea manifested on the side. Slowly repairing her meticulous looks and keeping her restored sections nourished allowed her time in front of the mirror and time to vent. It was quite cathartic to just speak her mind. Almost felt like talking to a dear friend, but one who wouldn't remember the state she was in- recovering from- long after this finished. "And it is not like my situation can just be chalked up to being a drama queen. That would be such a belittling understatement, not to mention rude. They can't grasp my pain, what I have to feel right now. Why, most of them have never even shown interest in stallions. ...Not that I'm saying they are more interested in our gender. And not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with that! "It's just that I am a lady. A proper lady. Courting gentlecolts is one aspect, and settling down (especially while I am young) is one further I plan to make happen. Or planned to. If... If I can make a plan to get out on top and get my match, I'll be set and out of this lockup. Or... if I cannot... I'll learn to live with the fate I've caused for myself. I can do that... right?" She looked down, smiling softly and with a sad humor at the irony. Self reflection with a self reflection. That sullen sorrow turned to annoyance and indignation. "I'm only doing this because of the dreadful things they did to me. The things that Fancy Pants said." Annoyance turned to anger. "He showed interest, he kept me near, he complimented me and my creations at every turn. He led me on to spite me! To humiliate me! To crush me and all I had!" And anger changed into a ball of emotion too jumbled to accurately separate, the one in the mirror bearing the brunt of her somewhat directionless lashing. "No, but he was nice, gentle in his words. He doesn't have a marefriend now, who's to say this mysterious one he said he had interest in wasn't a cover! A cover to save himself from my love expressed! A cover to hide the truth from me... A cover? A stallion?!? I'm not wanted because I'm not a stallion? Beaten by an elegant male with the broadest shoulders and a back rippling with muscles and a horn the length of- !!" A quick shake of her head. "No, no, Rarity, you mustn't let your charming and oh so keen imagination change what happened. He did reject me. But what right did he have? I should have taken Applejack's hidden love potion and should have had him drink it and I should have broken his flimsy heart! Before he had a chance to get at... mine..." She paused, her focus wandering along the floor. "Maybe... Maybe it was a cover to hide his true feelings in my surprise burst of passion? No... No... If he was truly the steed I know him to be and he did care that way, he would have come and swept me away to his private cottage / secret chamber of all things deviant / shrine-to-me combo villa a week ago, if not the night of my... my..." The memories and emotions had returned, more reasoned and calm than before. Though nowhere near the levels she wanted. She still felt the clawing at her heart, a hole that would need filling or repair to let her be Rarity, beauty and fashionista of Ponyville. Silence returned. She had slumped against the mirror, only noticing as she left the material blindness of introspection. Her face once again wore tear lines. All that she felt, now conveyed through her own facial expression reflected back. A small, bitter smile perked the edges of her mouth. "Oh, dear... Seems I need to restart and spruce you up again..." Fixing up her signature mane hadn't taken too much time, though ensuring it would stay that elegant for extended periods through most conditions was another matter. Many of the other repairs needed to return to her status as the most exquisite unicorn were slow. Rarity knew, even if she did resolve everything with herself today, she couldn't show herself to the outside world just yet. Day six of this endeavor had begun. Loneliness was a given. Reprieve was found in creativity and (though she would describe it as healing) running her mouth. Sat in front of the mirror again, the notepad still at hoof in case of inspiration, the mare of beauty had been trying new mane-stylings all day. Though starting with some ideas she had developed but never had time to test and evaluate, she had moved to trying those of her friends. "Aaaaannnd... perfect!" Turning her head in every direction, she admired the simple signature tie of Applejack her reflection wore. "Hm HMM! Who would have guessed such a plain feature could look so wonderful when given to a sophisticate like me? Perhaps I could convince her to let me try this every now and then. And she could let her hair down, oh she looks so enchanting whenever she does." Satisfied, she turned and looked behind her, considering how to undo her tail. Currently in an arch like Fluttershy's, held in that form by minuscule hairpins. She resumed her ongoing dialogue with a pleased expression. "It's so odd for me now. When I think of how Applejack changed me as well, I can only think of dealing with messes and muck. And yet I don't fault her or detest her for all the situations she has caused me to endure. She's helped me with Sweetie, repaired house damage for free, and even accompanies me every now and then for some friendly chitchat at the spa." Rarity sat down, focusing her magic on finding and combing out the pins. "Such opposites, we are. And another pony I would never have found acquaintance with without Twilight entering my life. Hmm!" A happy, contented hmm. "I can't say that Twilight and all she's brought has been stellar." Her thoughts drifted to incident after incident of recent years. "Or even normal... But it has been quite the change of pace. Even becoming an Element bearer. Not really a title I can flaunt, but it still gives me a sense of privilege. Oh, I wish she or the princess would just allow me to wear mine every now and then, the little thing is just marvelous." "Though..." she turned away from her magic work and to her 'companion,' "...do you believe maybe one of the others' would suit me better?" Her conversation partner offered no opinions, just a similar inquisitive smile. Chuckling, she turned back to getting out the last of the pins. "Well, neither of us would know without actually trying each of them. Although... Fluttershy's might be a good match. Or Applejack's, if it wasn't so orange." Pondering silence hung for a minute. Getting the last hairpin, she began magically poofing and straightening her tail out. "So much has changed over these few years, so much has happened. And I..." She let that fragment end prematurely, shaking her head and discarding whatever her thought had been. Her task continued on, silently. It broke only once, voice remorseful for her prior state. "My friends deserve better than that. I can not believe I even considered skipping town and abandoning my dear friends just to make myself feel better..." Her reflection did not reply. Eventually the last touches came. Completing her styling, she added the band to the end and a few extra hairpins to give it the desired scrunch. Turning her sight from her work to her companion, Rarity admired the tail she now sported, the accuracy of the imitation, and the subtle brilliance it acquired when worn by one such as herself. "It certainly looks appealing, but I believe Twilight's bangs on me would be suiting with this tail. Though... I would keep the front before I keep the tailstyle." A few brisk notes were added to her notepad. "Who now?" Checking her note in the corner of her pad, she gave a worried yet curious pout. "Ohhh, oh, hmm, mm mm... Pinkie... I suppose I have a diffuser and some rubber bands around here somewhere." Elsewhere, a pink pony suddenly sneezed colorful confetti out her ears. Day six still. Evening. The calm had only been temporary. Throughout this day it had slowly drained out, leaving a void for raw feelings to fill. Pacing around her room, Rarity muttered to herself, faintly yet rough in tone. It wasn't so much trying to stay quiet, rather that her words were less like sentences and more like utterances of the parts of almost (yet not quite fully) formed thoughts scampering around her head. -could always offer him the choice to give up his lifestyle and become dignified, sanitary, and complacent. Who cares what his cutie mark says, he can leave the bucking to the family and become a home-maker hubby. The conversations might not be great or good or even longer than a minute, but he'd be... Sighing, she reversed her path around the room as well as her current thought path. Is there any bridge burned I would even want rebuilt anymore? Spike's was one burning that had to come one day, though the way it did... A huff, both at herself and the universe. I only wanted to rant- to write it all out to get rid of the frustration. Spending more time around me I have no problem with. Using Sweetie and her friends to try and have a sleepover here or trying to pry private and personal information about me from her is another level entirely. All I dislike, all I tolerated, all I did or refrained from doing, written and removed. And once it was done, it was too graceless an entry to be a lasting addition to my diary. Toss it out, feelings vented, problems solved. Solved. Gone. At this point, the mutterings became full sentences, the tone crescendo-ing like a slow-building avalanche. Headed toward a peaceful town. Situated on a cliff. Populated by adorable foals and innocent bunnies. "How would I -how could I ever know he would obtain those pages? How did he?? Yes, they were truthful feelings, but it is not that I detested him. I never did. But he is a dragon! Change that and a few other things and he might become the perfect suitor. Yet I can say that about all the stallions around, fix them right and they become a flawless jackpot, but a different species? Cureless! Being so sweet and already taken by my perfection cannot change such a fact. Maybe he'll be good for a tumble in his teen years but he-!" The pearly unicorn stopped, hooves and mouth, mind blank for a second as she pondered the origin of that out-of-left-field comment. Shaking her head, she resumed a slower pace, ears returning to their flatten position. So I can't fix Spike. Can I fix any of the rest? I look at all those around me and see just so much wrong. A handsome face with a brain full of rotted intellect. A dapper and strong body enjoying working in the dirt. A mind to match the heroes of old on a cart-wreck of an appearance. There's only so much I can do. No project already near completion, just half-baked works. Failures and blunders and irredeemable disgraces, the lot of them! The frustration intensified again and she swiped out at a bed post. Hurting her hoof and not actually venting any of the build up, she dropped to the floor and cried out, all pretenses and typical restrained dignity gone from her voice. "Why is there no one good enough for me?!" The eighth day arrived. The seventh, the day of wrath and scorn, Rarity was more than thankful to have in the past. Unlike the days preceding, it had not been bouts of cycling temper and calming, but a time of fury, disdain, madness, and resentment, essence of Tartarus unleashed from her very core. The mare of fashionable prestige had awoken on her floor, exactly where she had dropped of exhaustion the day prior. Her first thought was to be thankful for ending up on the oval rug. The second through seventh thoughts were inconsequential, jumbles and questions that didn't need answers. The eighth was again thankfulness, this time because she had cleaned up most of her belongings in the beginning. The damage wasn't too troublesome, mostly nips and scrapes to the furniture and floor. No stains, thankfully. Nothing magic couldn't fix. Her survey of the room ended on her mirror. The eyes staring her back were worn, fatigued, but with the slightest hints of being refreshed, of releasing so much as to revive. It was quite the peculiar look, one Rarity felt even a talented painter might have a troublesome time capturing. The eyes saddened as they trailed away, seeing the disheveled mane and tail, the dust and filth yet to be removed, even an odd patch of fur gone from her left flank that went across her trio of diamonds. Moving in and looking closer, Rarity made sure she could still see the ever-so-faint outline of her signature mark on her skin, signifying no permanent damage. Whether everything in her head was all sorted out soon or not, she would have to keep herself out of society until that grew back. Again, nothing magic couldn't fix, but it also could only speed things up so much. "I guess even the worst of our moments will not impair who we are," she said, addressing her equally unkempt reflection with a slight hint of relief. Taking time to compose herself, she plopped down (in a very lady-like way, of course) and observed her reflection. Quiet moments passed and Rarity slowly realized how calm she actually felt. Whether it was getting through yesterday, the thoughts and considerations she had had thus far, smacking her head at some point too hard, or just having been away from everything for such a long (to her) time now, she couldn't tell. Perhaps how the calm had arisen did not matter if the result was favorable. The calm did give her a bit of clarity. There was no sense in running away and no sense in fretting over not having a stallion for her at the moment. Those last few weeks meant little in comparison to the years ahead of her. Maybe no perfect pony existed out there for her. Maybe she would just have to accept that. Keep an eye out perhaps, but keep her hopes down and enjoy what she did have. Without all these love-and-relation headaches, her life would be near perfect and everything she wanted. It made sense, looking back. If she hadn't focused on Blueblood during her first Gala, she would have been the only one of her friends to enjoy the soiree. Her sister, her extraordinary clothing skill, her friends, her looks... Rarity was blessed with all she required. Maybe this all had been necessary to realize that simple fact. Rarity silently cursed the cosmos if that was the case. Precision trimmers evened the surrounding fur as her twice-daily accelerated growth spell worked at her flank-area's damage. The progress was sufficient and would probably be fully mended in two more days. As predicted, the calm maintained, maybe even more prevalent than she had hoped. Soon this self-imposed exile would come to a close and she would be free to see everyone again. And there was no doubt in her mind there would be a Pinkie party waiting as soon as she left. So far, day nine (though the count didn't seem to matter as much anymore) had been fixing and tidying everything. Some spare premium firewood had been divided and used to patch the scuffs in her furniture and floor. The hidden away items were leisurely being returned to their prior positions. Dusting everything twice was completed for now (until she would make her next pass around). Currently, Rarity was relaxing on a cushion in front of the mirror she so often consulted with, settled along with a signature Prissy Pony repair and refinement kit. Putting away the trimmers, she levitated out two brushes to get back to work on her signature mane curls. "Oh, I know you worry about letting an earlier blemish slip by, but once we have our dazzling swirls back, nopony will be able to detect anything amiss." She giggled as she addressed her counterpart. Being cooped up alone for so long had made the large oval mirror feel like her only access to a companion, one who went through all she did alongside her and understood her like no other. "You know...," she started, looking up to her mirror self, "you are one of the best listeners I have ever had the pleasure of dealing with and-" She cut herself short with a snicker and waved a hoof in a playfully dismissive manner, finishing, "Oh you already know what I'm going to say." With that, she burst into laughter, dropping the brushes as they lost their magical aura. The calm that had washed over her and the accompanying relief had grown. Her resolve that her life was perfect-as-is had advanced into self-confidence. Not outward pride nor the notion from recognition from others, but the true experience of confidence. Overnight, that confidence had become accompanied by pride, and rightfully so in her mind. She was the realization of the fashion ideal, after all. Morning of the tenth day and the mare of generosity had again begun her repair routine. The early sunlight gave her lavender mane a radiance to make even gems jealous. "Oh, your sheen is magnificent. If only ponies other than the early workers could get the chance to see such a sight. The envious look I would get~!" She laughed, every hint of smugness and pride it contained blatantly audible. Her reflection chuckled with her and returned the same playful look in her eyes. Ohoh, such a flirt. She turned away, looking for her next instrument in her kit. Looking back up, Rarity realized just how sizable a grin she was sporting. She took a moment to admire how the look of elation complimented her and how wonderful it felt to smile, to enjoy life again. If I knew the best entertainer in town was right here, I would have been monologuing with myself frequently years ago. It is doubtlessly not something that would have the same effect on others as it does myself, nor be superior to my natural (and flank-exhibited) talent but- Hm~! Oh, just look at how brilliant a smile I've brought myself! Her focus returning to look her duplicate in the eyes, she paused a second before correcting out loud, "Right, I suppose it is more thanks to you." The smile grew heartfelt the more she thought about it. The mirror had become her support, her reflection staying by her side and being a assistant to her relief. Had she known it could allow her such moments of support and amusement, she would have consulted it frequently. A thought struck Rarity, one shifting the smile to a tender, softer one, her gaze shying away from the double in the glass. Maybe the reason I could come out of this and remain sane was with 'her' assistance. She has come along with me through this hell and I have come out fine, better than I ever expected to. She was the perfect match for what I needed. Another thought struck. A realization. Rarity stiffened, surprised, the feeling of a revelation flowing in. ...Perfect... After this lifetime of searching and evaluating, the pain it had repeatedly brought her with each ending, yet always looking, believing one perfect for just her existed... The ideal solution couldn't be so near. It could never be that easy. Could it? Looking herself in the eyes and soul-searching both within and into the stare's gaze, the pieces started to fall into place. Here in front of her was one who would never judge her unfairly, who would understand and feel her pain, who would know everything she loved, who would never betray, who could never leave, who was the most beautiful pony Rarity had ever seen. The blush filled her face as her double did the same, the two recognizing they had found their destined one. Each gave the other matchingly more and more longing looks as the thoughts became more instinctual, almost as if this moment had forever been meant to be. Gently touching hooves on the mirror's surface, the two inched at a parallel pace together and nuzzled, the weeks past forgotten along with the rest of the world around them. "Darling.... Oh, darling..." Impulses became more primal. Instincts unexplored took hold. Narcissism unknowingly reaching absurd levels. Launching herself into a heavy lean against her glass-trapped copy and accidentally kicking away her repair kit, too enamored to notice the mess, she sighed a heavy yet blissful sigh to the heavens. Rarity's actions became more and more frenzied as she felt an emotional release deeply needed and her long craved requirement of romance satisfied. THIS is my answer. I don't need this kind of love- this fulfilling and passionate and bonded kind of love -from another. None of them can match the one for me. Only perfection can be with perfection. Perfection NEEDS perfection! I am my perfect love. And I will love my gorgeous, ravishing, divine, flawless self forever more! So she did. Sweetie Belle backed away from the cracked door, her face completely flushed scarlet. Not exactly a blush of embarrassment, but she didn't know any other way to describe it correctly. So this was the reason she was told to keep away from her sister's place after returning from her Crusaders camping trip... She didn't really understand it, though she could tell instinctively what she 'accidentally' observed was... strange. It conflicted with what she knew about mares and stallions and love, but even she knew she hadn't gotten all the details yet. Needless to say, Rarity's original explanation had been far from adequate. Especially given... that. Sweetie Belle headed out the front, determined to figure out this mystery, and leaving her sister to her ultimate lover.